04x08 - A Girl's Heart is Complicated

[bunniefuu]

[sighs]

So, I definitely think that

Bishop form is gonna be

the biggest beeyatch of

the whole Triaina combo.

Probably. Unlike the

Knight and the Rook,

the Bishop form needs additional

time to charge the blast.

[ISSEI]

Yeah, and it'd be hella obvious

if we just stood there

the whole time.

[grunts, yells]

[ROSSWEISSE grunts]

It sounds kind of corny,

but we could use teamwork.

Yeah, fo sho. If the

team buys me time,

I could get a better sh*t.

Then I won't have to

worry about all that

bobbing and weaving crap

while I charge up the att*ck.

Sucks the Triaina saps energy

faster than streaming

p*rn offa WiFi.

I'll be lucky to get

a couple of sh*ts in

before I've blown my whole load.

[KIBA]

If we're gonna use it,

it'd be best to save

it for Sairaorg.

[ISSEI]

Yeah. Sho 'nuff.

[rumbling]

[yells]

[XENOVIA]

Oops, my bad!

[ROSSWEISSE] Let's take

a quick break for right now.

All right, sounds good!

[ISSEI groans]

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah.

Sorry, I couldn't help but

overhear your conversation.

Oh?

What you said about the

Bishop form in the Triaina...

It's only a suggestion...

...but instead of a

full-on cannon blast,

couldn't you just

transfer the sh*t?

[BOTH]

That's a great idea!

That way your team

can give cover fire

in a more effective way.

If we can make it look like

a charge and boost our allies,

then we could take

them by surprise.

It could work.

Not to mention it'll leave

our frenemies hangin'

on whether the next cannon

blast is gonna be a transfer

or an att*ck!

[RIAS]

True,

but we may have some trouble

with the game rules.

We will?

It won't be a concern

as long as the match

is a team battle.

Sairaorg stated previously

that he would like to accept

all of our various

powers in a single fight.

The higher-ups involved

have approved this request.

And because of those

particular concessions,

I believe they'll make

special rules for the match.

Special rules, huh? Like what?

To start, they intend

to hold the Rating Game

inside a floating city,

which is over in the domain

of Archduke Agares' family.

And they're planning to invite

a rather large audience,

so that means they're

probably not expecting it

to be a very long battle.

The Rating Game is just

another form of entertainment,

so naturally, there will

be some catering to fans.

She's right about that.

In fact, the game's attracted

quite a bit of attention.

You're kinda famous.

Cool! Sounds like it'll be fun.

Looks like we're gonna have to

train like nobody's business

so we can kick some A!

So, anyway. Thank you.

That was actually

pretty solid advice.

Of course. I suppose it's

the least I could do.

Okay, guys! Time to

nut up or shut up!

Let's do this thing

and start training!

Sorry, but it's too late

for training today.

Wha?

We have a press

conference tomorrow.

We have to be careful

we don't overdo it.

After all, it's important that

we look good for the cameras.

Wait, when you say cameras...

Yes, silly, you're

going to be on TV.

Try not to do anything stupid.

Hey, Gasper. Do you

think you're gonna wear

your girl's uniform to the

press conference later?

Uh, maybe.

It'd be strange to wear a boy's

uniform after all this time.

Still though. I don't think

it'll make me less nervous!

[GASPER whimpers, wails]

[GASPER]

I don't wanna go anymore!

I can't stand the thought

of everyone looking at me

during the stupid conference!

[KIBA, ISSEI laugh]

Huh?

Uh, Koneko? Can I get up?

Sounds like something

you should ask a doctor.

Unless we're not talking about

your junk, then the answer's no.

You seem rather feisty lately.

It seems Ravel's

interest in Issei

has made you even

more possessive.

Whoa, say what?

c**t-tucky Fried Chicken's

in love with you.

Jeez, get a clue,

Mister Nice Guy.

Uh-oh, looks like some kitty's

a little green with envy.

That's so cute.

[KONEKO groans]

She's right.

I guess Issei really is

Mister Nice Guy... to everyone.

[ISSEI]

Hm?

Huh?

[STAFF A]

Pardon me.

We are ready for you now.

What's up! Good to see you!

It's been a hot minute.

[RIAS]

Hello, Saji.

Hey, bro.

Yo, how's it hangin'?

To the left.

What are you doin' here?

Come on, you

seriously don't know?

Guess that's not a big surprise.

We actually have a Rating Game

the same day that you guys do.

And yet, no one seems

to really know about it.

Then again, we poke a lot

less boobs in our game.

That's probs a factor.

Anyway, we got a press meeting.

Really? sh*t!

How have I not heard about it?

Oh, right. Did I

forget to mention that?

Well, it's certainly news to me.

[SAJI]

Don't sweat it.

We haven't gotten that

much attention, really.

But hey, sounds like

the whole Underworld's

psyched about your game.

[ISSEI chuckles]

Hey, Saji, let's go.

Okay. See you losers later!

Totally. Take names

and all that jazz.

Will do. Good luck out there.

[PRESS chattering]

[MODERATOR A]

Thank you for waiting.

And now, we are proud to

welcome the Gremory family.

[PRESS gasp]

[gasps]

All right.

Both families are

present, so let's begin.

First, allow me to welcome

the Kings of each family.

Now, each King will have

the chance to comment

on the upcoming match.

Sairaorg will go first,

followed by Rias,

so please reserve any

comments for afterward.

Lord Bael? Please, start.

Yes, thank you. Well then.

I guess I'm just really excited

for this battle to begin.

I intend to fight the Gremory

family with all my strength.

That's it for me.

I'm so honored to be fighting

against the Bael family

and look forward to

an interesting match.

Although he is

considered top-ranking

among the younger devils,

I have no intention of losing.

In fact, I plan to win.

[MODERATOR A]

Thank you very much, everyone.

Next up, we will open the floor

for questions from the press.

Who's first?

[FEMALE REPORTER A]

I have a question

for the biggest rising

star in the Underworld,

the Grabbin' Dragon,

Issei Hyodo.

Uh, 'kay.

So, do you intend to poke

Princess Rias' breasts

during the Rating Game?

Uh... Uh, well, I--

[FEMALE REPORTER A] If you were

to poke them, when would it be?

And what about the reports?

Many say that,

like your stage show,

you're only able to power up

when you poke her boobs.

[chuckles]

And is it true you've

used this crude technique

to overcome other

dangerous situations?

Uh, when you say it like that...

You know, it's sucky, but--

[FEMALE REPORTER A]

"Sucky Butt"?

What kind of sick

code name is that

for the princess' breasts?!

[PRESS shouting]

I have a question.

Do you happen to suck

her boobs, butt, or both?

[gasps]

[ISSEI] Holy hell, I just had

the worst word vomit ever!

I was trying to say it was

"sucky but necessary"

and they didn't let me finish!

Does that indicate that you'll

be sucking on her breasts

in the middle of the match?

[FEMALE REPORTER A] If you

power up when you poke them,

what happens when you

suck those puppies instead?

Do you get even stronger--like,

could you destroy the Underworld

with that power?

Please, Princess,

would ya care to comment

on this matter at all?

[RIAS whimpers]

[RIAS]

Nope. No comment.

[AKENO giggles]

And what are your thoughts

on this, Sairaorg?

[ISSEI]

Oh, snap! Don't ask her cousin!

[SAIRAORG]

Hmm.

I suspect if he were

to suck Rias' breasts,

then the Red Dragon Emperor

would become even stronger.

[PRESS gasp]

[ISSEI] Bro! Why'd you have

to teabag my rep like that?

[PRESS chattering]

[SAIRAORG laughs]

Well, that was... somethin'.

Am I right?

Never a dull moment

with you, huh?

That's what I like about

fightin' the Grabbin' Dragon.

Yes, well... no one was

talking about your boobs

on public television.

Uh, I'm sorry.

I swear, we're taking this

Rating Game hella serious.

And I don't doubt it.

Honestly, I was pretty

impressed by the whole thing.

This may sound crazy,

but it takes some serious balls

to talk like that in

front of so many people.

I like that I never know

what to expect from you.

The next time you and I

meet will be in the arena.

Bring it.

Hmph.

You sound determined.

Well then. See you in

the sky, Red Dragon.

[ISSEI sighs] That conference

was a total clusterfuck.

[groans] I wonder

if there's any way

I could say I was possessed?

[gasps]

Issei. What a surprise.

[door closes]

[gasps]

[ISSEI]

Yeah. Come here often...?

Well, nothing to

see here! Heh, heh--

[gasps]

Oh, come on now.

--Stay a bit longer, would ya?

--[ISSEI gasps]

--Stay a bit longer, would ya?

If you insist!

[gasps]

It's just the two of us.

[ISSEI]

U-Uh...

What a rarity, since you're

usually surrounded by people.

You know... this steamy

setting is kind of romantic.

What if you took all of me

right here and now?

I realize after all this time

my body may be old news.

Is it possible it doesn't

do it for you anymore?

Nope! That's definitely

not the case.

Trust me, I'm pitchin'

a serious tent right now!

[RIAS]

Okay.

[ISSEI gasps]

[RIAS]

So, do something about it.

I want you to give

in to your urges.

[gasps]

[RIAS]

Issei, what am I to you?

How do you think of me?

Uh... you mean like

besides the club president?

[RIAS gasps]

I get it. Then I'll show

you what else I can be.

[ISSEI gasping]

[ISSEI]

My brain, among other things,

feels like it's gonna explode!

[gasps] Oh, my god,

it's finally happening!

I just got a one-way

ticket to Pound Town!

Thanks, universe!

I'm gonna become a man!

Tonight, Issei.

I want all of you.

[ISSEI gasps]

[ISSEI] Wow, her milkshakes

are all up in my yard!

So much so I can feel her heart

b*ating against my chest.

Note to self: this is

the new number-one moment

for the ol' spank bank!

I am swappin' spit like a

total champ right now. Mm!

I mean, who knew

watching so much p*rn

would make me a

badass in the sack?

[RIAS moans]

[ISSEI]

I may not be a chef,

but I'm about to

stuff me this turkey!

[RIAS moans]

[ISSEI] Holy sh*t, my first

time's gonna be in a sauna,

which is so friggin' hot!

Literally and figuratively! Ooh!

[BOTH moan, pant]

[gasps] You're...

amazing... President!

[RIAS gasps]

President?

We're about to make

passionate love

and you want to

call me... a title?

I can't believe that.

How could you?

U-Uh--huh?

[ISSEI]

President? Are you okay?

Enough, Issei!

[ISSEI gasps]

[ISSEI]

Huh?

[sighs]

What's up, Gasper? How're things

going between Koneko and Ravel?

Well... fine,

except for the whole

"fighting like cats

and chickens" thing.

Sounds about right.

But... even though she kinda

complains the whole time,

I've noticed that Koneko

still helps Ravel out

and while she usually

has a comeback ready,

Ravel does at least

seem willing to listen

to Koneko's instructions.

If you ask me, it sounds like

we can probably

count that as a win.

[ISSEI groans]

Why do girls always

have to be so confusing?

To be fair, jealousy

can bring out the worst

in just about anyone.

That's why they can't help

butting heads like that.

Azazel?

Uh--I don't really

get what you mean.

[AZAZEL chuckles]

I wish I could be helpful to

Ravel in the same way Koneko is,

but I can't even support

someone in battle.

I don't know where I'd start

if I had to help

somebody like that.

I'm the most

useless person ever--

[ISSEI]

Gasper.

Huh?

Listen up. I'm about to

drop some knowledge on ya.

Rule number one for any boys

in the Gremory household:

a real man always protects

the ladies. Got it?

Yeah.

Now, repeat it back.

Oh, um, a real man

always protects the ladies?

Rule two: a real

man stands up tall

regardless of the situation!

Right. A real man stands up tall

regardless of the situation!

[ISSEI]

Last one!

No matter what happens,

never ever give up!

No matter what happens,

don't give up, ever!

Good! Ya nailed it.

If ya ever get

scared or unsure,

just remember you're a man

of the Gremory family.

I've got it now! Right!

I promise to do my best!

Sounds good in theory,

but let's see how it goes, yes?

Start with baby steps.

[ISSEI]

Hm?

Uh--

[AZAZEL] All right.

Let's get started, shall we?

[AZAZEL clears throat]

First up, I have a bit

of news for everybody.

As it turns out, I've been

appointed as your advisor

for the upcoming Rating

Game with Sairaorg.

Hold up. If you're our advisor,

does Sairaorg also

have some know-it-all

that's gonna do crap for him?

Of course.

He will have the emperor

to act as his advisor.

His name is Diehauser Belial.

Wait, as in the Rating Game

champion or whatever?

[KIBA]

Yes. He's quite accomplished.

He's the long-standing

champion of the Rating Game

as well as the head

of the Belial clan.

Don't freak out.

You guys have me.

Lucky ducks.

Now, on to the next

order of business.

[AZAZEL] I trust you all

had a chance to memorize

the data I gave you?

These are the members

of Sairaorg's family.

Like you, they're also

rare types of devils

and they constantly train.

[XENOVIA]

Well, if that's the case,

then the chances are pretty good

they'll be even more powerful

at the game than they are now.

Yes, I think we can

count on that.

But what about their pawns?

As I recall,

they've never appeared

in a recorded battle before.

Now that I think about it,

I don't remember seeing any

at the press conference, either.

That's correct.

And we have little to

no information on them.

Whoever they are,

it's likely they're Sairaorg's

hidden Tr*mp card.

Okay then.

Moving on, Rias is going to

go over our battle tactics

and countermeasures

for the match in detail.

Thank you. Please

look at the screen.

As you can see

from the above image,

Sairaorg's team has one

Queen, as well as two Rooks.

With that, why don't

we call it a day?

One more thing, though.

If you were to join the

professional league,

you'd definitely

climb the ranks.

You already have enough

power for success.

That's nothing to scoff at.

So be proud and take this

challenge on with confidence.

[ALL]

Yes, sir!

[XENOVIA]

Hey, Asia, is this right?

[GASPER] It's so cute!

Don't you think so?

[KONEKO]

Fo sho, I couldn't agree more.

[XENOVIA]

Thanks.

Akeno, see if we can't find any

more info on this one, please.

[BOTH gasp]

Good afternoon, Ravel dear.

[RAVEL]

Mother!

[RAVEL'S MOTHER] Are Rias

and the Red Dragon Emperor

available by any chance?

Why, hello there, Auntie.

It's been quite a while.

Indeed, it has been,

Rias. Good to see you.

You look well.

Hi. I'm Issei Hyodo.

Nice to meet ya.

[RAVEL'S MOTHER]

So you're the Dragon Emperor.

It's so nice to

meet you as well.

I've heard many

wonderful things about you

and I feel so rude that I can't

be there to meet you in person.

Oh, no, you good! But... there

was something you needed me for?

[RAVEL'S MOTHER] Well, yes.

It's nothing too important.

I just wanted to

introduce myself,

even if it's not in

a more proper manner.

Seriously, Auntie, please

stop worrying about it.

We're happy to see

you however we can.

Thank you, Rias.

I did want to ask Mister Hyodo

to take good care of my daughter

while she's attending

your school.

Uh... Uh, yeah, totally.

I'll be a real boss about it

and thankfully the

president's here, too,

and she can def keep a

better eye on your girl.

[RAVEL'S MOTHER] Of course.

Naturally, that's reassuring.

However, I'm asking

that you protect

from the various evils of

the human world specifically.

The evils of the

whatty what now?

If the Red Dragon Emperor,

who's famous for his numerous,

distinguished victories,

stays by my Ravel's side,

then I know my husband and I

will be able to

feel more at ease

while she's away from home

and we can hope for good news.

Yeah, I hear ya loud and clear,

Missus Phoenix, ma'am.

Don't worry. I'll take

care of your daughter!

[RAVEL gasps]

[RAVEL'S MOTHER]

Thank you so much.

And as for you, Ravel dear,

be on your best

behavior, all right?

Make sure you always listen

to Rias and follow her example.

Study hard to learn as much as

you can about the human world

and make our family proud.

Of course, Mother!

[RAVEL'S MOTHER]

And as a personal favor to me,

try to be good friends

with the Dragon Emperor.

One more thing.

Uh, what's up?

[RAVEL'S MOTHER]

Rumor has it that you wish to

become a high-ranking devil.

The rumor is true.

It just so happens

that my daughter

has been returned to my family.

I conducted a trade

with Riser for her.

As such, there's something

I wanted to let you know.

Right now, she's available.

Keep that in mind.

Yes ma'am. I gotcha!

[RAVEL gasps]

Thank you. What a relief!

Well then, good day, everyone!

[RIAS scoffs]

[ISSEI]

Uh...

Uh, hey. Somethin' wrong, Prez?

[RIAS]

Issei. I need to know.

Will you protect me?

Uh...

Yeah, of course.

I'd die for you, President.

[RIAS]

What about Asia?

[ISSEI]

Huh? Yeah. I'd protect her, too.

[RIAS]

And Akeno?

[ISSEI]

Duh, totally! Why wouldn't I?

Still though...

Why are you asking?

Somethin' up?

Issei. Tell me.

Yeah, what?

What am I to you?

How do you see me?

Umm...

Just answer me already.

Okay, uh, let me think.

--You're the president...

--[RIAS gasps]

--You're the president...

You're an ass!

U-Uh...

[OTHERS gasp]

[ASIA]

Rias, wait!

[ISSEI]

U-Uh...

I can't believe you, Issei!

[ISSEI]

Huh?

[KIBA] Even by your standards,

that was way oblivious.

Huh? I don't get it.

What'd I do?

Man, I don't know

where to begin.

And honestly, no one should

have to explain it to you

at this point.

Why is it everyone in this room

knows exactly what you

did wrong, except you?

Yeah, sorry, but you

are, like, seriously

the dumbest guy ever, Issei.

You can suck it.

[ISSEI gasps]

Don't you dare.

Huh?

If you go after her right now

without knowing

why you're going,

you'll only make things worse.

[ISSEI]

Uh...

What about you, Gasper?

Do you think I'm a

piece of sh*t, too?

Well, yeah. I actually kinda do.

[ISSEI gasps, sighs]

I'm sorry.

This all happened because of

my mother and I, didn't it?

No, of course not, sweetie.

No one blames you.

If anything, it's

obviously Issei's fault

for being such an

incredibly brainless dildo

when it comes to

Rias' feelings.

[gasps]

What's a brainless dildo to do?