02x12 - Fireside Chat

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Marcy.

Mmm-hmm.

Yes, sir. I'll give him the message as soon as he's out of conference.

Buh-bye.

Marcy, did you see the paper?

There's an article about Dan.

My Dan?

Well, it doesn't mention you,

but I think it's the same fellow.

It's about a three-part news segment he produced.

Oh, that's right.

Did you see it? It was called Sewage, Everybody's Fault.

Hey, Marcy.

There's an article about your boyfriend in the paper.

Yeah, I know. Gretchen just brought it in to me.

You see, Benson? I got there first.

The early bird gets the worm.

In this case, the early bird is the worm.

I forgot Dan worked in TV news.

Dan doesn't just work in the news.

He produces the news.

I mean, he's the man responsible for all the news.

And all this time, we've been blaming it on the Russians.

Oh, isn't he gorgeous?

He looks a little grainy to me.

Benson's just jealous, because he doesn't have somebody special.

Oh, Gretchen, how can you say that?

After all we've been to each other?

What? I can't help it any longer.

When you're near, my pulse quickens, my palms sweat,

I feel faint, my feet itch.

Oh, Gretchen, it's you that I love.

You're sick.

I know there's one or another.

I just don't know if I have time to make a TV speech.

If you'd look at the latest polls, sir.

Sit down, Benson.

Okay, % approved of the governor's performance.

% disapproved.

Oh, polls don't mean anything.

Sir, it's not the % who approve or disapprove that bother me.

It's the other %.

They're undecided?

No, sir, they don't know who you are.

Well, I think we should ask Benson.

Well, it wouldn't be fair to ask me, sir.

I know who you are.

No, I mean about this Fireside Chatidea.

Depends on whether or not you have anything to say.

Well, I would like to explain why there have been so many delays

in finalizing that state highways bill.

Ah, ah, now, uh, that, if I may say so, sir,

is a dangerously negative approach.

Perhaps, it would be best to dwell on what you have accomplished

rather than what you haven't.

It's no problem. I'll write the speech.

Peter, I'll write the speech.

We'll write the speech.

I'll put it on cue cards.

All you have to do is sit there and read it off the cards.

Oh, don't bother with cue cards.

I have a crackerjack memory.

Bet you can't name the seven dwarfs.

Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Grumpy,

Bashful, Dopey, and Doc.

Sir, what are you doing?

Naming the new cabinet.

But do I make the speech or not?

Well, let's vote on it. What do you say?

I say go ahead.

You don't have a vote.

They're not gonna like that down at the NAACP.

I think Benson's right.

I have something to say. Why don't I say it?

So, gentlemen, we'll have our Fireside Chat.

Oh, uh, Benson, don't let me disturb your work.

I'm just gonna wait in here for Dan

while he finishes telling the crew

how to set up the equipment for tomorrow's speech.

Okay.

Oh, Benson, don't you think it's destiny

that Dan of all people

was assigned to produce the Fireside Chat?

Destiny?

Begging the governor to request him didn't hurt.

You think I did the wrong thing?

No, I think you did the right thing.

Clayton and Peter writing the speech,

Dan's just done a show on sewage...

This should be right down his alley.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hey, my, don't you look nice.

Dan's taking me out after he finishes.

Yeah, you brought out the heavy a*tillery.

You must be going someplace special.

Well, only the Renaissance room at The Plaza.

Hmm. He must mean business.

I really think he does.

I have a feeling tonight's the night.

You think he's gonna pop the question? Uh-huh.

Well, I hope it's a question you can live with.

Oh, Benson, I'm so excited.

Hello, Governor. Oh, excuse me.

Am I interrupting something?

Oh, of course not.

Benson and I were just discussing marriage.

Oh! How wonderful!

Oh, well, I guess this just proves the polls are right.

I am out of touch with people,

even those whose are closest to me.

I knew you two were good friends, of course.

Governor...

It won't be easy at first.

I mean, some people won't want to rent to you.

Governor, Marcy and I aren't thinking about getting married.

Oh. I hope it isn't anything I said.

We were talking about Dan and me.

[LAUGHING]

That is wonderful news!

Oh, I'm sure you and Dan will be very happy, too.

And don't worry, Benson. There'll be other girls.

Hi, Benson. Hi, Marcy. Hi, Daddy. Hi, honey.

Daddy, is it true that you're gonna be on TV?

That's right. Tomorrow night at :.

Oh, too bad. I won't be able to watch you.

Why not? You're on against The Muppets.

Ah, sir. Uh...

Peter and I have, uh, finished your speech.

Oh, thank you, Clayton. Is it good?

After all, this is for television.

Well, I don't know if it can possibly compare

with the Dukes of Hazzard. [SNICKERING]

But it has its moments. Judge for yourself, sir.

Well, I'll read it right now.

It's always fun to find out what Pete and Clayton think I think.

Marcy, you'll be in charge of the cue cards tomorrow.

Why me? Security.

I don't want any outsiders getting their hands

on the governor's speech.

Oh, Benson, all the furniture in the living room

has to be moved to the sides

to make space for the television cameras.

Careful you don't hurt your back.

[CHUCKLES]

If I called you "shiftless,"

would you consider that a racial slur?

If I called you an ambulance,

would you consider that an omen?

I consider this discussion closed.

Oh, Marcy, I just brought Dan a cup of coffee.

That man of yours is terrific.

You're so lucky.

You should see the way he takes charge of that crew. Oh.

When he snaps his fingers, everybody jumps.

He is so, so...

German?

That's the word.

He reminds of my first boyfriend, Wolfgang.

Ah, I lived only for him,

but I thought he did not know I was alive.

It is hard to tell.

Undthen I noticed whenever he looked at me,

there was a special little gleam in his eye.

Well, he invited me to dinner.

There was candlelight,

a chilled bottle of Mosel, schnitzel for two, the works.

Undthen it happened...

Just as I had hoped it would.

He asked you to marry him?

No. He asked me to be the brakeman on his bobsled team.

We're almost through in there. Marcy, you look great.

Oh, that was the game plan.

Hi, Benson. Hi, Dan.

Oh, thank you for coordinating the setup.

The guys really appreciate it.

My pleasure.

And tell them before they leave, I'm counting the spoons.

[CHUCKLES] I'll do that. Five minutes, Marcy.

One minute more and you're in big trouble.

Um, Benson, Dan's supposed to bring me back here tonight

to pick up my car.

But if my car happens to stay

in the parking lot all night...

I'll know you're engaged.

[SIGHS]

I don't know what's the matter with me, Benson.

I just can't memorize that speech.

Maybe it's not memorable.

I'm gonna have to read it off the cue cards.

I think the problem is there's a little of Clayton in it

and a little of Pete and not much of me.

In that case, if it goes badly,

you've got someone to blame.

And I'm having second thoughts about doing it live.

At least a tape, you can edit.

And erase.

Well, I guess I better take one more look

at the darn thing before I turn in.

Good night, Benson. Good night, Governor.

Good luck tomorrow. Thank you.

Hello, Marcy. Hi.

Oh, what are you doing here at this hour?

Uh, I left my car keys in my desk.

I hope I didn't disturb you.

No, no, no. I'm just going to bed.

See you in the morning. Good night. Good night.

Came back for your car, huh?

Yeah.

Well, you know how these things go.

You all right?

Oh, sure, sure. I'm fine.

Good night. Good night, Marcy.

See you in the morning. Okay.

Benson, you know what's wrong with me?

You don't how to say "good night" and mean it.

I get scared.

You want me to walk you to your car?

I mean, when I meet a man and I really start to care about him,

I get scared that I'm gonna lose him.

I'll get us some milk.

So what happens is that I begin to overcompensate.

I hang on his every word,

and I'm constantly telling him how wonderful he is.

And I just can't bear to be near him

without touching him all the time.

So I spend all my time trying to be this ideal woman.

Well, that's not me.

That's not anybody.

Of course it isn't.

So, eventually, the man starts feeling trapped.

And then he does the next logical thing.

He dumps me.

I was so sure I wouldn't do this with Dan

'cause I knew he loved me.

I did it again.

I just couldn't let it be.

Well, at least he wasn't like some of the other guys.

At least he didn't just say, "So long, cookie."

He just suggested that we step back a little bit

and evaluate our relationship.

Marcy, the guy is supporting two kids.

He's away on assignment a lot.

His first marriage was a bust.

He just thinks you should take these things into consideration

before you get in too deep.

In other words, "So long, cookie."

Well, don't worry. I'll get over it. [CHUCKLES]

Always do.

Thanks. Good night.

You were right. I hardly know you guys are here.

Hold it down, will you? I'm trying to listen to the director.

Hey, if you're the guy in the van blocking the driveway,

you better get it out of there before I call a tow-truck.

Over and out.

You okay?

I'm fine. Why do you ask?

'Cause you don't usually leave your wallet in the refrigerator.

You know, I passed a McDonald's

on my way to work this morning.

The sign said "Over billion sold."

I can remember when it was just billion.

Over billion burgers have passed over the counter

in my lifetime.

You know how old that makes a person feel?

Marcy, all the guy said was that he thinks you should step back

and see what you might be getting into.

And I know one thing I'm not getting into... A wedding dress.

Marcy, don't be ridiculous.

Benson, I've heard it all before.

He's just trying to let me down easy.

Why don't you just hit yourself over the head

with a Louisville Slugger?

It's much faster.

Look, I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate it,

but trust me, I have a sixth sense when it comes to things like this.

Hmm. Well, if that's your sixth sense that's been operating lately,

I wouldn't give you five cents for your sixth sense.

[GROANING] Just bit my tongue.

Clayton, here you have me saying,

"I want to make one thing perfectly clear."

Yeah. You don't like that?

Well, don't I want to make everything perfectly clear?

It's too risky, sir.

The chair is wrong.

What do you mean, "Wrong?"

"Wrong," adjective.

Not right, mistaken, incorrect, unsuitable, improper.

It stinks.

We could put him on a stool.

Wonderful! We can give him a guitar.

He can sing folk songs.

I don't know. Maybe it's not the chair.

I love the fireplace. That works. But...

You're right. There's something missing.

I've got it. A dog.

Oh, my god. I don't have a dog.

No. It's no sweat. I got connections at the pound.

You're not bringing a dog in here.

Come on. We're talking about the governor's image.

We're talking about the governor's rugs.

One little tiny... No dogs.

All right, everybody. Governor, if it's all right with you,

we'll have the camera rehearsal

as soon as they're set in the remote truck.

A-okay.

Oh, Benson, I want you to watch this.

I'm gonna trying standing up in the middle.

I certainly wouldn't want to miss that.

Hello, Marcy.

Oh, hello, Dan.

Did you think about what we talked about last night?

I've thought about nothing else.

Well, maybe after the speech,

we can go out and have a drink and talk about it.

What more is there to say?

Well, there's plenty to say.

Well, you see, I'm afraid I don't have the time.

I'm awfully busy standing back and evaluating our relationship.

What is that supposed to mean?

Marcy, the governor needs the cue cards.

Excuse me.

Um, Governor,

we'll take it from where you say, "Good evening."

[GOVERNOR CLEARS THROAT]

Good evening.

Marcy.

Good evening.

Marcy, the cards.

Good evening.

Oh, I said that.

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to talk to you.

As a matter of fact, I was surprised to learn the other day

that % of you haven't the foggiest idea who I am. [CHUCKLING]

You put that in? He put that in.

I'll take it out.

[CLEARS THROAT]

In my judgment...

There shouldn't be two e's in "judgment."

Sir, if it's misspelled on the card, only you will see it.

Well, I'm the one who has to read it.

I'll fix it right away, sir.

What are you so mad about?

You don't know? No, I don't.

How can you not know?

Marcy, can I take an "e" out before you leave?

I can't rehearse this stupid speech without my cue cards!

I'll be in my office.

Sir... Clayton, you better get this thing organized.

Shape up or ship out.

Did you hear that?

Yeah. I liked it.

Sir...

MAN: Thirty seconds to air, everybody.

Okay, let's go, Clayton.

Well, where are you going?

Uh... We're going to watch your speech

on the TV in the next room, sir.

Good luck, sir.

Ten seconds, everybody.

Okay, here we go.

In five, four, three seconds, two...

Oh! Uh...

Good evening.

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to talk to you.

When I first took office,

the legislative body of this state

was presented with a priority package of progressive programs.

In my judgment, it's high time I told you

in what direction this administration is headed.

I'm just getting my pencil.

Is it too late to get the dog?

What good would a dog do now?

He could fetch the pencil.

I like to think of these as "people" programs,

for it is the people...

What did you mean, "Stand back and evaluate our relationship?"

Can't this wait? We're live.

Oh, fine! I'll put my life on hold.

By the people and for th...

What happened to the sound?

I'm more worried about the picture.

His lips aren't moving.

People.

We've come up with some far-reaching ideas.

What are you doing?

You're making a fool out of yourself.

I made a fool out of myself last night.

And new jobs.

We can turn this situation around,

and so, I feel that I can look you straight in the eye

and say that I have made good on a major campaign promise.

I predict that there will be a rise

in the purchase and construction of private homes now that...

The prime interest rate is beginning to stabilize.

Uh... Because of technical difficulties, well...

Uh, the fact is,

if the picture that you're receiving

seems to be a little confused,

there is a very good, very easily explained reason for it.

You see, I have been reading my speech off cue cards,

in spite of the fact that I have a crackerjack memory.

And, well, the truth is, the cue cards have fallen.

Do you have a copy of the speech? Right here.

Well, get in there and cue him.

Me? Peter.

Forget it. Peter.

Come on, the governor is going down for the third time,

and you guys are playing Tweedledum and Tweedledumber!

Give me that!

Now, my executive secretary, Marcy Hill,

who, incidentally, has been dating Dan Slater,

who is the producer of this telecast...

Well, she was holding the cards,

and somehow they slipped from her hand.

And she is down on the floor now with Dan,

trying to pick them up.

You have a few moments

if you want to switch channels and watch The Muppets.

BENSON: Psst! Psst!

Hmm?

[WHISPERING] "In my judgment, we can expect

"a significant rise in the standard of living."

What's that?

"In my judgment,

"we can expect

"a significant rise in the standard of living."

Oh, that is good news.

Uh, Benson says that we can expect

a significant rise in the standard of living.

I don't know that I totally agree with that.

It's in the speech, sir!

Oh! Oh, let me see that.

Oh, Benson. Get up.

You look silly.

BENSON: Stop, stop, stop.

You know, he's right. I do say that

there will be a rise in the standard of living.

Oh, and notice the way "judgment" is spelled correctly here.

It's just one "e." That's the right way.

This is Benson.

I absolutely could not do without him.

As you just saw.

Oh, I thank you very much, Benson.

I think I can take it from now on.

[CHUCKLING]

Well, let me see if I can find my place.

The standard of living... We did that.

What are we gonna do about this?

I don't know what you're going to do.

I'm going to resign, move to Venezuela,

and teach Dickens to the Indians.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't think any of this is much use to us from now.

I've lost track of what I was saying,

and I think probably you have, too.

Why don't I just say what's on my mind?

I got nothing to worry about.

Figure as long as you're moving to Venezuela,

I'll just blame it on you.

I think what just happened

can perhaps tell you more about the problems I face

than any written speech could.

I am constantly having to deal with unexpected problems.

For example, you remember my state-highways bill.

[SNICKERS]

Well, you should, because in my campaign,

I promised all up and down the state

that I would push it through.

I haven't.

It's still locked in committee,

and I'm just as angry about it as you are.

Well, that doesn't mean we're not gonna get it.

If you recall, my rent-control bill

was sidetracked last year in exactly the same way,

and we pushed that through.

I say "we," because I certainly couldn't have done it alone.

Now what we've got to do

is hang in there on this highways bill

and get the legislature off its butt.

This is a good state.

But we can make it better together.

I guess that's really all I wanted to say.

Thanks for tuning in.

Good night.

You're clear.

And we're off the air.

Yeah, but are we still in office?

[SIGHS] Well, ladies and gentlemen,

I would love to know who is responsible for this debacle.

Yeah, we want to know who's responsible for this...

What was that word you used?

I'm afraid it was my fault, sir.

No, no, no, it was more my fault than it was yours.

Marcy, I'm not concerned with whose fault it was.

But I ruined your speech. Oh, nonsense.

I don't think it went badly. Do you, Benson?

No, sir. "Badly" isn't the word I'd use.

Peter, we'd better call the TV station

and see exactly how badly this speech did go.

Well, I just feel terrible.

I mean, I was so self-involved

that I messed up all the cue cards.

And then Dan said something

and made me drop them altogether.

What did you say?

I said, "Yes."

In answer to what question?

I asked him to marry me, and he said "yes."

He said, "Yes."

[CHUCKLING] Thank god!

Marcy's getting married.

Ohh!

I feel almost like crying.

You should have heard your speech, sir.

Thank you, Benson.

Uh, sir, while we're waiting for some reaction,

perhaps it would be a good idea

to get a statement out about this disaster.

Well, it isn't a disaster.

It's just two people in love.

Uh, I meant the speech, sir.

Don't worry about your speech, Clayton.

I covered for you just fine.

So, have you set a date?

No, not yet.

Is tomorrow too soon?

Slow down, Mabel.

You're right.

There's plenty of time to decide where and when.

Where? Where what?

Where should we get married?

I don't know. How's city hall?

Cold and dreary.

Why don't you get married here in the mansion?

Oh, I'd love that.

What do you say, Dan?

Oh, that would be wonderful. Thank you.

Clayton and I have an announcement to make.

Don't tell me, it's going to be a double wedding.

Sir, our early feedback

indicates the speech was a huge success.

Twenty-two of the calls were favorable, three were so-so,

and two people were kind of surprised

to find that Ben Vereen worked for you.

Isn't it beautiful?

Yeah. But, it's not very big.

It is for an engagement ring.

I love it, Marcy.

It looks almost real.

It is real, Katie. That's why it's so small.

Morning. BOTH: Morning, Benson.

Marcy, you're here early.

Well, that's because I have something I want everybody to see.

Notice anything different about me?

Your hat?

She isn't wearing a hat.

Then it can't be that.

Look what Dan gave me last night.

Oh, Marcy, that's beautiful. Isn't it?

When I get engaged, I want a ring exactly like that.

Only bigger.

Benson, do you know anything about diamonds?

Yeah, my uncle was a diamond cutter.

He was?

Yeah, he cut the grass at Yankee stadium.