(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
(brakes squeak)
(barking)
When are you going to
learn not to say the obvious?
We know the girls are here.
- Hi, girls.
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Uncle Joe.
- How'd it go today?
- Hi, girls.
Oh, super.
The principal said it was
the largest midterm enrollment
in the history of
Hooterville High.
- Eight new students.
- My!
I sure am lucky. I got
Miss Higgins for algebra
and Miss Ferdie for typing.
Well, good.
Uh, Betty Jo, did
you get signed up?
Oh, sure.
The Hawks are playing
Crabwell Corners
in a practice game next
Saturday, and then we...
Hold it, hold it, hold it. I was
talking about your studies.
- Oh, that.
- Yeah. "Oh, that."
- Let me see your schedule.
- Oh.
"First period... gym,
second period... English,
"third period... gym,
fourth period... lunch,
sixth period... gym."
Young lady, how come
you have three gym classes?
That was all I could get
without skipping my lunch hour.
One gym class is
enough for anybody.
If you don't pay
attention to your studies,
your muscles are going
to graduate before you do.
Mom.
You heard your mother, Betty Jo.
Anyway, one gym
period's a-plenty.
That's all I ever took, and
look at the condition I'm in.
Skip your lunch hour.
So you've got eight
new students, huh?
Seven girls and one boy.
Well, I hope they're nice girls.
You should see him.
His name's Walter Thorp.
He's big and strong
and handsome.
He must be at
least six-feet-four.
He just towers over the
home economics class.
What's a big hulking guy doing
in a home economics class?
Blushing.
He's the only boy in the class,
and it's just awful the
way the girls treat him.
He looks like an
embarrassed Saint Bernard
surrounded by a bunch
of giggling nanny goats.
- Miss Bradley?
- Present.
Miss Nelson?
- Miss Plout?
- Here.
Miss Thorp?
(women giggle)
Miss Thorp?
(women giggling)
Miss Walter Thorp?
(laughter)
Oh. Well, I meant, of
course, Mr. Walter Thorp.
Now, now, now, now,
no more of that, girls.
We're here to work.
I want to welcome you to
our home economics class.
And during this first
semester, we'll, uh, learn
how to buy and
construct clothing,
how to choose furnishings
such as, um, rugs and drapes.
We'll learn how to
make, uh, food budgets
and how to cook
good, nourishing meals.
Now, doesn't that
sound exciting?
(Walter groans)
We'll devote this first
session to a matter
that's dear to all of our
feminine hearts: clothes.
Now, let's think
of some fashions
that we might make
right here in this class.
There's a type of
old-fashioned dress
that's back in favor
called a granny.
Can any of you describe it?
Henrietta?
A granny is a high-necked,
long-sleeved garment
with a high bodice and
a slightly gathered skirt.
TEACHER: That's very
accurate and concise.
Now, can any of you girls...?
Can any of you girls and boy...
describe a shift?
I know.
A shift is when the quarterback
gets the ball from the center,
and he hands it to
the left... (laughter)
I mean, a-a shift
is when you, uh...
you, uh, shove the gear
from first into second.
(laughter)
All right, girls.
Walter knows more kinds
of shifts than the rest of us.
And if you gave him half
a chance, he'd tell you,
a shift is a plain,
sleeveless, straight dress,
usually made out of cotton.
Isn't it, Walter?
Yeah, that's it.
It-It's a straight,
sleeveless dress,
usually made out of cotton.
Gee, Bobbie Jo, you
sure helped me off a spot.
Thanks.
They were just awful.
They made me
ashamed of being a girl.
Better hurry, or you'll be late
for your next class, Miss Thorp.
Oh, Miss Thorp, would
you be good enough
to fix my lunch for me
tomorrow? (whoops)
Miss Thorp won't have time.
She'll be too busy making
her formal for the junior prom.
(laughter)
Never mind them, Walter.
(laughter)
Hey, Bobbie Jo, how
about me and you going
to the movie tonight?
No, thank you.
Walter's coming to
the house for dinner.
(quietly): Did you see
the look on Gary's face?
(laughs) He
thought you meant it.
I do.
Gee, that sure is nice of you.
Mother serves dinner at 6:00.
Will that be okay?
Well, I'll try, but it may
take me quite a while
to get into my granny.
(both laugh, school bell rings)
Bye.
Gee, Mom, you're a peach.
You're a real doll.
My gracious...
I thought I already
gave you your allowance.
I mean it. Most mothers
would raise a fuss
if their daughters brought
home a stranger for dinner
without asking permission.
Well, honey, your
friends are my friends.
Am I the only one in this
house that could count?
There ain't no
guests in the hotel...
How come we got an extra
chair set up at the dinner table?
- Walter's coming for dinner.
- Walter?
Oh, that character in your
home economics class.
He's not a character.
It so happens
he's very athletic.
Last year he won the
hundred-yard dash.
That don't surprise me
none... Any boy that'd take
home economics would
have to be able to run fast.
(chuckles)
Uncle Joe, he's Bobbie Jo's
friend and he's welcome here.
Now, if you don't like it,
you can just skip dinner.
Well, like I was saying,
any boy that'd take
home economics must
have a lot of character.
♪♪
- Walter.
- Mrs. Bradley,
if I took home
economics 12 times,
I could never turn
out a meal like this.
Oh, you don't have to go that
far to get a meal around here.
But it helps.
Let me ask you
something, Walter.
How come a big bruiser like you
is enrolled in a sissy
course like home economics?
Uncle Joe, he gets
enough of that at school.
Oh, I don't mind from you folks.
To answer your
question, Mr. Carson,
I'm taking a course
in engineering,
and I needed a half a
credit toward graduation.
And all the classes
were filled up.
That sounds reasonable.
Oh, more pie, Walter?
- Oh, I couldn't.
- I could.
Oh, you just did.
I don't know where
you put all that food.
Who cares? After I
swallow it, it's on its own.
Walter, don't worry about
those silly high school girls.
You'll find this
hard to believe,
but when I was that age,
sometimes I was
pretty ridiculous.
Imagine those
nincompoops laughing at this.
Today in school, the teacher
asked what a shift was,
and Walter said it's when
the quarterback threw the ball...
(laughing)
Excuse me.
Well, I'm sure
glad that Billie Jo
outgrew that ridiculous age.
I know just how
you feel, Walter.
I had the same
problem as you did.
- You did?
- When I tried out for the baseball team.
I was the only girl, and
the fellas sure ribbed me.
Tell him about your
first day, Betty Jo.
Well, when the coach
told us that the Pixley team
had a stronger battery
than ours, I said,
"Why don't we all
carry more flashlights?"
(laughter)
Well, Walter, I hope a
few of the things we've said
- have made you feel better.
- Oh, they have.
Except for facing those
darned girls tomorrow.
I wonder if they can sh**t
you for deserting high school.
(bell clanging, whistle blowing)
Girls! Time for school!
(train whistle blowing)
Girls, train's waiting!
BETTY JO: Coming, Mom!
(train whistle
continues blowing)
Floyd?
(train whistle blowing)
- Floyd, what are you doing?
- Who, me?
Oh, I'm testing if you
can hear the train whistle
- all the way up here.
- Oh, sure, you can.
Well, nobody
showed up at the stop.
Charley and me figured
you couldn't hear our toots.
No, we heard it, all right.
The girls are a little late.
Charley's worrying about the
toots we've been wasting lately.
You waste a toot here
and you waste a toot there,
and then when you
need it the most,
you don't have a toot to toot.
I see.
- Hi.
- Good morning.
Sorry we held you up, Floyd,
but we were trying
to solve a problem.
I thought you finished
your homework last night.
Well, this was a different
kind of a problem.
- Yeah, a real tough one.
- Oh, Walter Thorp.
Yes, ma'am.
(chuckling): Hey,
that's the fella
that's taking the
class for girls.
It's the only thing I ever heard
that'd make me
go back to school.
(Floyd laughing)
Floyd, it isn't funny.
It ain't?
Doggone that Charley...
He told me it was funny.
I'll see you at the train.
Girls, get your lunches.
- Oh, thanks.
- Thanks. Maybe we can figure out
what to do about
Walter on the train.
Now, girls, look, stop
worrying about Walter.
He's a big, strapping fella;
he can take care of himself.
He doesn't need a lot of
females fussing over him.
And here's an
extra lunch for him.
Mom, you're a doll.
And we'll think of
something for Walter.
Uh, girls, look, you've
done your best, forget it.
Maybe some other student
will transfer a class or move,
and then Walter can get
out of home economics.
- Mom, you've solved it!
- I have?
Sure. All we have to do
is get some other
kid to switch classes.
And make room for Walter.
Gee, thanks, Mom.
Thanks.
Why can't I solve my
own problems that easy?
♪♪
Well, look, Betty Jo,
I can't drop calculus.
My major is electronics.
- And I thought you were such a bright boy.
- What do you mean?
There's no future
in electronics.
- There isn't?
- No, it's a dying field.
If I were a man, do
you know what I'd be?
I'd be a-a fashion
designer or a chef.
Are you kidding?
That's for girls!
Uh, wait, Edward,
uh... I've got it.
I don't know why I
didn't think of it before.
- There is you.
- Where?
Philosophy. You
even look like him.
Like who?
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Yes, Edward, you
should be a philosopher.
What does a philosopher do?
Well, for one thing,
he... he thinks.
Well, I'm thinking.
I think you're trying to
get me to switch classes
so Walter Thorp can get
out of home economics.
I'll see you around.
- Any luck?
- No. You?
Nobody'll cooperate.
There's Lyle Cabot.
If we can get
him to drop typing,
there'll be a
vacancy for Walter.
But typing's part of Lyle's
course in accounting.
Well, we'll just have
to change his career.
- Hi, Lyle.
- How are you?
Okay.
(Betty Jo hums a tune)
I know my mom means well, but...
I'm sure getting sick of
these clam sandwiches.
Here, Lyle, have half
of my nut bread and
strawberry jam sandwich.
Gee, thanks, Betty Jo.
Oh, this is great,
this is great.
Sure helps tone down
the taste of those clams.
Lyle, say that again.
- Say what again?
- What you just said.
All I said was your
mom's sandwiches
sure tone down the
taste of those clams.
Betty, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
Definitely.
Lyle, how long have you
been taking public speaking?
Uh, I'm not taking
public speaking.
- I'm gonna be an accountant.
- What a tragedy.
That beautiful, resonant voice
being hidden behind a desk
in some stuffy bank or office.
Lyle, a voice like yours
should be in a courtroom...
swaying juries, or in congress.
Or booming Hamlet's
soliloquy from a stage.
- Gee, maybe you're right.
- Of course we are.
Drop typing and
take public speaking.
Yeah, I'll take public speaking!
- And drop typing.
- Yeah... No. I'll take both courses.
Then I can type up
my own speeches.
Aw, thanks a lot,
girls, thank you.
Gee, if I hurry, maybe I can
still join the debating team.
(Betty Jo sighs)
♪♪
(whistle blowing)
And I'll need eight
cans of apricots,
12 cans of lima
beans, six cans of...
Have you got that, Sam?
You better back
up to the apricots.
Oh. Better make that nine
cans of apricots, ten cans
- of lima beans...
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Mr. Drucker.
- Hi, Betty Jo.
- Oh, hi, honey. School out already?
Yeah. Boy, am I
glad I ran into you.
- You solved everything.
- I did?
- Sam...
- Now, let's see, Kate,
- that was nine cans...
- Well, you sure did.
Mom, your plan worked perfectly.
That... that's right, Sam.
Ten cans of lima beans,
six cans of asparagus...
What plan?
Well, to get someone to
switch classes with Walter.
Now he's out of home
economics and into typing.
And lots of boys take typing.
There you are, Kate.
Here's your lima beans
and here's your asparagus.
Oh, that's what...
You have... Oh, I see.
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Mr. Drucker.
- Oh, hi, Bobbie Jo. -Hi, Bobbie.
- Did you tell Mom yet?
- Let's see, Sam...
No, I was just gonna tell her.
- Well, now, let's see, Kate...
- Oh, you tell her, Bobbie.
Mom?
Here's your asparagus,
here are the lima beans...
Sam, we might as
well flow with the tide.
What is it, Bobbie Jo?
It was so simple. I
got Marvin to change
from his 2:00 gym
class into archaeology.
And when Doris
found out that Marvin
was in 2:00 archaeology
class, she changed
from her 10:00 archaeology
class into 2:00. See?
That's fine.
But how does that get Walter
out of home economics?
Don't you see, Kate?
When, when Doris switches
from 4:00 peaches
to 6:00 asparagus,
that made an opening
in creamed spinach.
Sam, things are
difficult enough.
Now, I got it straight
up to the point
where Doris switches
her archaeology class
so that she can be near
Marvin, and then you lost me.
Oh, wait a minute.
Um... Marvin switches
from gym to archaeology.
- BETTY JO: Right.
- And... here comes Doris,
so she can be close to Marvin.
And Walter leaves home economics
- and zips into typing.
- Right.
Uh, wait a second.
What made the
opening in typing class?
This sauerkraut dropped
typing and home economics
and moved into Doris'
old 10:00 archaeology class.
That's brilliant.
But... h-how did you maneuver
sauerkraut into archaeology?
That was the
easiest part of all.
Yeah! Meet Miss Sauerkraut.
I'll be darned.
What are you taking
archaeology for?
What's wrong with it?
Well, you'll be the only
housewife in Hooterville
with a mummy in her living room.
Young lady, you
transfer right back
to home economics and typing.
Well, then Doris
can't be near Marvin.
Poor Walter... he'll be right
back in home economics.
I would rather have
Walter in home economics
than my daughter
traipsing all over Egypt,
digging up broken
crockery, and that is that.
- Have you got my order, Sam?
- Sure. Four cans of Marvin,
six cans of Doris, and
eight cans of Walter.
Ow!
Give me your hand.
Maybe I should take up
knitting; it's less dangerous.
You're doing fine.
Oh, Sandra, you're
coming along just fine.
That'll be a beautiful
rug for your family room.
And, girls, just look
at Mildred's throw rug.
At the rate she's going,
she'll have it completed
in another day.
And how is your
rug coming, Walter?
Well, Walter has outdone us all.
He's made a wall-to-wall
carpet for his canary cage.
People shouldn't
speak unless they know
what they're talking about.
Anyone can see
Walter's making a...
a coaster... for an eggcup.
I'm sure that any eggcup
that has Walter's coaster
under it will be very proud of itself.
(school bell rings)
Uh, girls, just a
minute, just a minute.
I want to give you your
assignment for tomorrow.
Now, listen closely.
This is a very
exciting challenge.
I want you all to imagine
that you are married.
- (laughter) -Now, I'll
set the scene for you.
It's late afternoon
and you're at home,
and you get a phone
call from your husband...
Or from your wife,
as the case may be...
And he... or she...
Is bringing home
his... Or her... boss.
And you must prepare
a dinner in 20 minutes
for this very
important occasion.
Now, I want you all to think
of it tonight, and then
tomorrow, in class,
you'll have exactly 20
minutes to prepare a full dinner.
Now, you'll be judged on
resourcefulness, speed,
attractiveness of the table,
and the taste of the food.
Class dismissed.
I'm sure not showing
up for class tomorrow.
You can tell the
teacher that Miss Thorp
is home with a bad case
of housemaid's knee.
Don't give up, Walter.
There must be a way out.
Yeah, I know.
Which way to Steuben's Bluff?
Please, Uncle Joe,
you've just got to do it.
Ask me anything
else, Kate, but not that.
(dog barks)
(Joe grumbles)
Now, if you don't, Walter
could flunk his test tomorrow.
You're wasting
your breath, Kate.
I will not loan my watch
to them teenagers.
But they only need it for 20
minutes while they time Walter.
Kate...
this watch was given
to me by my grandfather.
It's absolutely irreplaceable.
It means more to me than Big
Ben means to Princess Margaret.
Uncle Joe, you're
not Princess Margaret.
Now stop being stubborn
and hand over the watch.
I learned my lesson when
I loaned it to Fred Ziffel.
He let his pet pig
Arnold play with it.
Them dents on there
is Arnold's tooth marks.
The girls aren't
going to bite it.
Give me that back,
you pickpocket.
Make him give it back, Kate.
(growling)
All right, boy, give
him back the watch.
And if he doesn't want
to be official timekeeper,
well, I guess that's up to him.
Huh? You didn't say nothing
about me being
official timekeeper.
Well, we've got Walter
all set up in the kitchen.
Well, fine. And your Uncle Joe
has generously
volunteered to be timekeeper.
Well, keen. Then
we're all ready to go.
Now, Uncle Joe, this has
got to be split-second timing.
When the big hand reaches
the next minute, yell "go."
- Okay.
- Oh, Mom?
- Hmm?
- Stay out of the kitchen during the test.
Yes, ma'am.
You girls are going to a
lot of trouble for nothing.
That's enough defeatist talk.
If Oscar of the Waldorf
thought that way,
he'd still be parking cars.
You've got 20 minutes to
make the salad, the soup,
- the entrée, the side dishes...
- And the dessert.
Ready, Walter?
Where's the icebox?
Right in front of you.
Now, there's the stove
and there's the sink.
- Got it straight now?
- I-I guess so.
Any time now!
JOE: Go!
No, no, no! First
the vegetables.
For the salad.
False start!
Time-out, Uncle Joe!
♪♪
JOE: Are you ready yet?
BETTY JO: Not quite, Uncle Joe!
- Well, hurry up!
- Uncle Joe, be patient.
That's the fifth false start.
You know what time it is?
Walter's wasted 98
minutes cooking dinner in 20.
Well, he's learning.
It's no use, Kate.
That boy'll never make
anybody a good housewife.
I'm hungry.
Your taste buds
can use the rest.
We're all set up again!
Go!
- Let the salad go.
- Yes, you can make it
while your main
course is cooking.
The stove, the stove.
Water, water!
Now the spaghetti.
Oh, put it in the pot.
No, no, no, take it out.
Break it, break it.
- How's it going?
- BOBBIE JO: Fine, Mom.
How much time is left?
Oh.
Uh, minute and a half.
(girls squealing happily)
Well, looks like
Walter's gonna make it.
- What's he cooking?
- He, uh...
We'll never know!
- (girls gasping)
- Come on, Uncle Joe.
- Ooh!
- He just burnt the dinner.
- (coughing)
- I'm hopeless, Mrs. Bradley.
As soon as I clean
up your kitchen,
I'm getting out of here.
And tomorrow
I'm quitting school.
Well, we gave it
the old country try.
Girls, I think I may have
thought of something
that could help Walter.
Nothing's going to help me.
Now, wait a minute, Walter.
I had this same situation
happen to me once
when the girls' father brought
a friend home to dinner.
And this is what I did.
♪♪
All right, class.
Now, girls, you know the rules.
You've been given a problem.
Your husband has phoned
that he's bringing
home the boss to dinner,
and you have only 20 minutes
to prepare an
attractive, tasty meal.
Now, ready, set, go.
Well, Walter, you know,
you're included in this test, too.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Well, you don't seem to
understand the situation.
You're in charge
of the household,
and your wife has telephoned
that she's bringing
home the boss to dinner.
Oh, I understand.
But you only have 20
minutes to prepare the dinner.
It's, uh, no trouble.
Well, then what would you do?
♪♪
Well, boss, how was the dinner?
Delicious. Best meal
I've had in years.
Young lady, I'm
giving you a raise.
You made your point, Walter.
You passed the test.
Kate, I never cease to marvel
at the ingenuity of
young people these days.
We'd never have thought
of this idea, would we?
N-No, teacher...
never in a million years.
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪