How are you, Benson?
Oh, you got a minute?
Sure, Pete, what's up?
I'm doing this quiz
in Cash Flow magazine.
There's only one question
I don't understand.
Do I have any liquid assets?
That depends.
Do you own a water bed?
Don't kid around, Benson,
come on.
This is an MQ test.
A what?
Well, you know,
your money quotient.
You answer
these questions,
and it tells you
what kind of
a money manager you are.
And what kind are you?
Well, according to this,
I can't afford to buy
the next issue.
I gotta learn to manage
my money.
Otherwise,
I face an uncertain future.
Pete, the way you
manage your money,
you face an uncertain lunch.
Out of the way, everybody.
I got hot buns.
Sitting on the stove again,
huh, Kraus?
They look great.
Do you want one of these?
No, I can't have
anything to eat.
I'm on my way over
to Dr. Phillips
for my annual physical.
Oh, good. Can I come?
Sorry, Kraus, it's been
sold out for weeks.
Come on, Benson, I have
to see Dr. Phillips, too.
Will you give me a ride
or not?
Okay.
Oh, I thought you already
had your physical.
You know, well,
Dr. Phillips wants
another blood sample.
The first batch
went bad.
Well, if he's looking
for a good batch from you,
he's got the wrong patient.
I am only letting you
get away with that
because you are
giving me a ride.
I'll get my bag.
Okay, but cut two holes
in it so you don't
bump into things.
I'll never be any good
with money.
Boy, am I depressed.
Do something about it.
Yeah, you're right.
I think I'll go buy myself
a present.
(IMITATING TRAIN HORN TOOTING)
(IMITATING TRAIN CHUGGING)
(IMITATING TRAIN HORN TOOTING)
Board!
Now that you're here, yes.
This is REX.
Rapid Electric Express.
Is this the commuter train
you want
the legislature to approve?
That's right.
Just picture
this baby streaking
around the countryside.
It's easier to picture it
streaking around
a Christmas tree.
I'm ready.
Let's get going, Benson.
Where are you two going?
Benson und I are going
to the doctor for blood tests.
(CHUCKLING) Well...
May I be
the first to congratulate you?
I'm going to the doctor
for my annual physical.
Ja, Clayton. When you are
you going for yours?
Oh, not until
my personal physician
returns from The Bahamas.
Oh, is he there
on vacation?
No, he's evading taxes.
Let's get this over with.
Boy, I hate
going to the doctor.
It's awful having
a stranger look at my body.
Think how he feels.
Miss Kraus,
we're ready for you.
Let's see if we can't get
this right this time.
Ja, what happened
to my last blood test?
I don't know. The doctor
asked us to get some more.
There wasn't anything wrong,
was there?
I suggest you wait and
talk to the doctor about that.
Please, go in.
Thank you.
Mr. DuBois, the doctor
will be with you in a minute.
No hurry. I'm reading
this fascinating article
on things to do
with a pinecone.
This is interesting.
Number
is illegal in six states.
MAN: Hi, everybody!
I'm Dr. Hand.
Just kidding.
It's me. I'll be right out.
This is the man
I trust with my life?
How are you, Benson?
I'm not being rude.
I just don't know
where Dr. Hand has been.
I do this for the kids.
They love it.
Yeah, but they're sick
when they come in here.
We're gonna get started
just as soon as my nurse
finishes with Gretchen.
No hurry.
Hey, this is some collection
of trophies you got here.
It looks like
your golf game's improving.
What? Oh, no.
Those are for my horses.
Oh, well, then,
their golf game is improving.
Come on, Benson.
They don't play golf,
just polo.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Actually, I race them.
You ever beat them?
Benson, I own horses.
Oh.
This filly of mine
won the state derby
a few years ago.
No kidding.
Is she still racing?
No, her racing days
are over.
She fell last year, and she
hasn't been the same since.
Oh, that's too bad.
DR. PHILLIPS: Yeah.
I wish there was something
I could do for her.
BENSON: Well,
you're not a miracle worker.
Well, I'm afraid the old gal's
days are numbered.
BENSON: No hope, huh?
DR. PHILLIPS: No,
I'm afraid she's dying.
I keep saying to myself,
"Why her?
"She has such great legs."
BENSON: How much time
has she got?
DR. PHILLIPS:
Well, it's hard to say.
Maybe six months.
Not much time.
Gee, I hope
I'm not depressing you.
No, not at all.
You can't live forever.
DR. PHILLIPS: Yeah.
That's my problem.
Your problem will begin
as soon as I get
my stethoscope out
of the refrigerator.
A little doctor joke.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, good. You're all done.
Come on, Benson.
My nurse will show you
where to get undressed.
That sounds like more fun.
Kraus, where'd you go
this morning?
When I finished with
the doctor, you were gone.
I decided to walk home.
Why didn't you
tell somebody?
I don't want to talk
about it, Benson.
I'm in the middle
of something.
"Total assets, beneficiaries."
What is this?
Don't you know anything?
It's a will kit.
A will kit?
Ja, I got it at the bookstore
on the way home.
Does it come with
a little lawyer inside?
As long as you're here,
Benson,
I need your signature
on this as a witness.
All right, okay.
What does this will say?
That I am of sound mind.
Well, surely
you got the wrong kit.
I should have known better
than to ask you for a favor.
Okay, okay.
Give me the will.
Just don't tell me
what you're leaving me.
You're signing with it.
Clayton, nobody wants
to k*ll your railroad bill.
Then why is it
stalemated in committee?
Senator Lyman
thinks it's too expensive.
Senator Lyman's right.
I told Clayton to cut costs.
Butt out, Benson!
Sir, I've dedicated
the last six months of my life
to this train.
REX will allow commuters
to travel with speed, comfort,
and a certain amount
of elegance.
You can't let senator Lyman
do this to me.
Clayton, you're taking
all this too personally.
I want my electric train!
Clayton, you keep this up,
and they're gonna send you
to your room.
It's not fair!
You want the train,
trim the bill.
There's nothing left
to trim!
Come on, Clayton.
There's enough fat in that
budget to french-fry Idaho.
Well, I'm convinced.
You and Clayton
work it out.
Me and Clayton?
Benson and me?
Yes, trim the bill
and resubmit it.
Sir...
(SIGHS)
Now look what you've done!
Yeah, but it's the first time
I've done it to myself.
Hi, Miss Kraus.
Oh, Katie. What are you
doing home so early?
The furnace broke down,
so they canceled school.
You're lucky.
In Bavaria
when the furnace broke down,
they brought
the sheep inside.
We're off tomorrow, too.
I'm setting
my alarm for :.
Why so early?
I've got a big day planned.
First I make breakfast,
then I go skating,
then I go to the library,
then shopping,
then I break for lunch...
Hold on, Katie.
You can't do
all that in one day.
Why not?
You'll wear yourself out.
Miss Kraus, look at me.
I'm years old,
and I haven't done
anything with my life.
Well, what can you do by ?
Plenty.
Look at Mozart at my age.
Or Kristy McNichol.
At least you have
your whole life ahead of you.
The way I see it, you got
to go for it while you can.
You know something?
You are right.
Why, there's
a whole world out there
just waiting to be sampled.
You und I will both get up
early tomorrow.
Like you say, Katie,
go for it while you can!
Please, Benson.
Not the
observation car cut.
Anything but
the observation car.
Let me get this straight.
I can't cut the club car
or the dining coach
or the observation car.
Right.
Okay,
we'll cut the engine.
(CHUCKLING) What?
Cut the engine, the train
wouldn't go anywhere.
No, but there'd be
a great restaurant
near the train station.
I draw the line
at the dining car.
I will not have people walking
up and down the aisles
peddling sandwiches.
Hi, Benson. I want
to make a deal with you.
(CHUCKLES)
I rest my case.
Pete, I'm not about to buy
what's left of your lunch.
No, this isn't my lunch.
These are
my financial records.
You couldn't afford
a shoe box?
No, I don't want a shoe box.
I want help.
Benson, I want somebody
to set me up on a budget
and keep me on it.
So why'd you come to me?
Well, you're
the budget director.
Money's your life.
No way, Pete.
I deal in millions.
Oh, okay.
You're right.
It's my problem.
I'll work it out on my own.
Thanks, anyway.
What'd you do that for?
There's no sense
saving that stuff.
I don't know
what to do with it.
You were my last hope.
Give me that bag.
Oh, Benson.
I'm gonna give you
one month.
I'll set up your budget
and handle your spending.
Give me your checkbook
and your credit cards.
Uh, yeah.
Now, what if I want
to buy something?
You'll have to come to me.
So you're gonna handle
everything, right?
Right.
This is great.
I should have done this
a long time ago.
Thanks a lot, pal.
Oh, incidentally,
I need bucks.
No.
What?
Absolutely not.
Way to go, Benson.
Stand firm.
How about ?
No.
Five?
Forget it, Pete.
I love it.
You already saved me bucks.
So, Daddy, what do you think?
Did you like it?
It's really very good,
Katie.
No wonder you won
the merit badge for cooking.
What is it?
It's called
camp girl's omelet.
You mix eggs with anything
you can find.
Where did you find
the maraschino cherries?
Hi, Benson.
Want to try my omelet?
No, thanks, sugar.
Come on.
I made it special.
Some other time.
I've got a dinner date.
Benson, eat.
Why not?
Oh, you're in
for a real treat.
I'm sure.
Here you go.
You're gonna love it.
(CHUCKLING)
Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, mmm.
Good!
Right, Benson?
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm, mmm.
You really like it?
Mmm.
(CHUCKLES)
Then why don't
you swallow it?
Great!
You think so?
Yeah.
How about you, Daddy?
Oh, it was wonderful, Katie.
I guess my taste buds
are immature.
I thought it was gross.
Good evening.
What's everybody
looking at?
KATIE: Wow!
Miss Kraus,
you look...stunning.
It's my new outfit.
I'm going to that disco
down the street tonight.
Why? Did they lose
their strobe lights?
Funny, Miss Kraus.
I never thought of you
as the disco type.
That was the old Miss Kraus,
Governor,
straitlaced,
afraid to take chances.
The new Miss Kraus
doesn't care
if she makes
a complete fool of herself.
Sounds like
the old Miss Kraus to me.
Well, it looks like
you're out for a good time.
You betcha.
From now on,
it's "look out, world,
here I come."
Benson, payroll
says you got my check.
Uh-huh.
Where is it?
In the bank.
How am I gonna get
any money?
You got my checks,
you got my credit cards.
How am I gonna live?
I'll pay your bills
and give you
a weekly allowance.
You're gonna give me
an allowance?
Well, Pete,
you're the one who roped me
into being your money manager.
Yeah, but I didn't ask you
to be my father.
What do I got to do?
Mow the lawn before I get it?
Well, like it or not,
starting today,
you get $ a week.
bucks?
Forget it, Benson.
The deal's off.
Oh, no, I went through a lot
of trouble to set this all up,
and we're gonna stick
with it.
Benson, Benson,
we're talking about my money.
You can talk about it,
you just can't have it.
Okay, okay.
We'll see about this.
Frankly, Benson,
I don't need you or my money.
Sounds like United States
foreign policy to me.
What's wrong with Pete?
He wants
a bigger allowance.
So does Katie.
Kids today.
Well, Benson,
I hope you're satisfied
now that you've emasculated
my train.
I didn't
emasculate your train.
It still has its caboose.
You made
everything plastic.
Well, the point is,
Clayton,
now you have a train
that's efficient, safe,
and will get the job done.
With a price tag that
the legislature can live with.
Well, we'll soon find out.
I've set that dinner with
Senator Lyman's committee
for tonight,
and we can discuss
all the changes that you made
in Clayton's proposal.
Where is Miss Kraus?
She should be here.
She never seems to be
around anymore.
I know.
Pleasant, isn't it?
Good morning.
So much
for the good times.
Miss Kraus, I have invited
a group of senators
for dinner tonight,
and I was hoping you could
fix something special.
You want it tonight?
We realize
it's short notice.
You bet your bobsled it is.
You want a special dinner,
send out for pizza.
This is a state dinner,
not a fraternity party.
Miss Kraus,
let me explain.
This dinner
is very important to us.
Yes, we're trying
to sell Senator Lyman
on my railroad bill.
Oh, well.
That's different.
I suppose
the staff could throw
together something.
I'll leave them a note.
Let me understand this.
You're going to let the staff
handle an important state
function unsupervised?
Ja.
It so happens I have made
other plans for tonight.
Kraus, not those
experiments again.
I told you,
you can't create life.
Miss Kraus, this is really
an important dinner.
I'd really like you
to stay.
Is that an order, sir?
No, it's a request.
Well, in that case, I'll have
to turn down your request.
See, you people expect
too much of me.
I've spoiled you.
Well, from now on,
I spoil myself!
I have my own life to lead,
und if you don't like it,
you can get yourself another
head of household affairs.
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
BENSON: Okay, okay.
(BUZZER CONTINUES)
All right, all right.
All right.
I'm asleep, not dead.
Who is it?
KRAUS:
That's for me to know
und you to find out.
No fair peeking, Benson.
Kraus, you're potted.
Get in here
before the neighbors see you.
What's the matter?
Afraid they'll get
the wrong idea about me?
I'm afraid they'll get
the wrong idea about me.
Too late.
I already met
two of your neighbors
when I was getting
out of the cab.
I think
they had been drinking.
Ooh.
What are you doing here?
It's : in the morning.
Well, that party brokeup earlier than I thought.
What party?
My boyfriend Arnold
invited me to his niece's
wedding reception.
They held it on the top floor
of that big red building
over on Sycamore Street.
Red building?
That's the firehouse.
Oh, that explains
why the groom disappeared
when the bell went off.
You still haven't answered
my question.
Why are you here?
Why are any of us here,
Benson?
What did you drink
at the wedding?
Fruit punch.
(SCOFFS) Fruit punch.
I'll get you some coffee.
Where's Arnold now?
He was polluted,
so I dropped him off
at the Y.
He didn't want his mother
to see him like that.
You go out with a man
who still lives
with his mother?
He doesn't live with her,
he rooms with her.
You want to go up on the roof
und watch the sun rise?
No, I don't want to go
anywhere except to bed.
Ooh.
(GIGGLES)
You men are all alike.
I'll call you a cab.
You've called me
worse things than that.
I'm not going anywhere.
Okay,
I'll call me a cab.
Before you go, I have
brought you something.
Wait till you see.
It's out in the hall.
Information,
give me the telephone number
to the Sunshine Cab company.
What do you mean,
they're out of business?
What the hell is that?
It's a family heirloom.
Papa used it in Bavaria
to call his goats.
Where were his goats,
in Cleveland?
Listen to this.
(HORN BLOWS)
Kraus, Kraus, stop that!
Stop that!
My neighbors are sleeping.
Not anymore!
Come on, Benson.
You try it.
No, if I blow
on that thing,
I'll have every goat in the
neighborhood on my doorstep.
You don't want to use it
as a horn, that's okay.
Stand it up
und make a lamp out of it.
Miss Kraus, why are
you giving me this?
What have I ever done
to you?
Well, I know
it looks silly, Benson,
but my father
left me that horn.
I treasure it more
than anything in the world,
und I wanted to give it
to you before I go.
Well, thank you very much.
Mission accomplished.
Now, good night, Kraus.
Stop pretending
you don't care, Benson.
You're the only one who knows
what I am going through.
Well, if I had my way,
you'd be going through
the front door.
That coward Dr. Phillips
wouldn't tell me anything.
What did he say
to you, Benson?
Exactly what have I got?
About seconds.
That's no way to talk
to a dying woman.
With a headache.
If you think you're dying now,
wait till tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow morning?
That's all?
But I heard Dr. Phillips
tell you I had six months.
Six months? Kraus,
what are you talking about?
Oh. Oh, I think
this is it.
What?
Here it comes.
The room is spinning.
Hold it, hold it.
Kraus, no, no, no!
Don't fall down here.
Come on! Get up!
Come on, get up.
Come on, Kraus.
Don't do this to me!
Arnold, stop that.
What would your mother say?
Ew! That is the worst coffee
I have ever tasted.
Yeah, well, don't worry
about it, just drink it.
The doctor
will be here any moment.
What time is it?
It's almost :.
The senators
are coming tonight,
and I haven't started dinner!
Relax, Kraus.
That was last night, remember?
Oh.
You played hooky and
went to the firehouse.
Ja, that's right.
So, how did the dinner go?
Without a hitch.
I think the state's gonna get
the new railroad.
Oh, that's nice.
Too bad I'll never live
to see it.
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
Oh.
Relax, relax.
It's just the door.
Ah, Doctor.
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for calling, Benson.
What's this nonsense
about Gretchen dying?
Well, she said you gave her
six months to live.
I never told her that.
Gretchen, I never told you
you were dying.
You didn't have the courage
to tell me.
I overheard
you und Benson talking
about me in your office.
When?
The day Benson
had his physical.
You said I had great legs.
I told you
she was delirious.
You talked about me dying.
I remember
your exact words,
"The old girl's days
are numbered."
BOTH: Oh!
I think
I can straighten this out.
I sure hope so.
You want some coffee?
Yes, thanks.
How about you, Kraus?
You want some oats?
What does he mean,
oats?
He was referring to the
conversation you overheard.
We weren't discussing you,
Gretchen.
We were discussing
one of my horses.
Horses?
Yes, Gretchen.
Your horse is dying?
Yes, Gretchen.
Und I am not dying?
The way your
physical turned out,
you could live to be .
Just my luck.
I'm going to live!
Hot damn!
(HORN BLOWS)
Would you get her
out of here?
Come on, Gretchen,
I'll give you a lift
back to the mansion.
Thank you, Doctor.
I'll be down in a minute.
Okay. Gretchen,
no more horsing around.
Horsing around.
(LAUGHS)
I really made a jackass
of myself, didn't I?
Well, let's put it
this way, Kraus,
if there was
a Nobel Prize for jackasses,
you'd be on your way
to Stockholm.
You know something, Benson?
When something
like this happens,
it makes you think about
what is really important,
und it all boils down
to one thing, people,
people you really
care about.
Und you are
one of those people.
Thank you, Kraus.
Thank you for putting up
with me.
Aw, don't mention it.
Listen,
can I ask you something?
Sure.
Would you get out?
Ja, I'll see you later.
You know,
there was one other thing
that kept running
through my mind
when I thought I was dying.
What's that?
I kept saying,
"Why me? Why me?
"Why not Benson?"
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Oh, what does she want now?
Are you,
uh, Benson DuBois?
Have you been drinking?
Just answer
the questions, please.
Are you Benson DuBois?
Pete, what do you want?
I'll take that as a yes.
Is this your domicile?
Yes, this is my domicile
and this is my door
which I'm about to close
smack-dab in your face.
Oh, wait a minute.
There's one more thing.
This better be good.
Oh, it is.
Benson DuBois, I, hereby,
serve you with the summons to
appear in small claims court.
I want my money back.