(Lively jazz music)
♪
(Silence)
♪
(Footsteps)
(Audience laughter)
(Room din)
(Audience laughter)
Kraus, if that's lunch I'll
be eating out.
(Audience laughter)
You dummy, I'm not cooking,
I'm dyeing.
In that case I'll go
some place fancy and celebrate.
(Audience laughter)
See, I want to put some
pizzazz into my life, I'm dyeing
this dress red and I'm also
thinking of dyeing my hair.
Oh, really?
You need someone to hold
you under?
(Audience laughter)
Tie it in a knot!
(Audience laughter)
Dad, all I'm asking for is
a $ advance in my allowance.
I gave you a $
advance last week.
That's why I'm $ short
this week.
Benson, will you tell her
that she can't keep borrowing
to make up her deficit?
I'll tell her if
you'll tell congress.
(Audience laughter)
So, what do you say?
You're wasting all your
money on these video games.
It's just not productive.
Yes, it is.
It helps develop
eye-hand coordination.
So does sewing.
Great, lock me in a back
room, and I'll turn out
shirts all day.
(Audience laughter)
Benson, will you say
something to her?
I wear a -.
(Audience laughter)
Katie, no more quarters for
these video games.
I take it that's the end
of the discussion?
Yes.
So much for democracy.
(Audience laughter)
Oh, Benson, by the way,
are you or ?
I just told you I'm a -.
(Audience laughter)
No, I was talking about
our new telephone system.
What's your extension?
.
You can't be .
I'm .
What is wrong with the
phones around here?
I can't reach anyone.
Try dialing .
(Audience laughter)
It does not make much sense
to dial my own extension.
We all have the same number.
Isn't that cozy?
You know, somebody should
call up the telephone company
and read them the riot act.
Nothing would give me more
pleasure than to take on that
money-mad monopoly.
You know, Clayton,
you are right.
That does sound like fun.
I'm gonna call them myself.
(Laughs)
Miss Kraus: Benson.
Yeah?
Benson, this is for you.
They just delivered it to
the back door.
I didn't order a color tv.
Who's it from?
Well, I don't know.
It probably has a card inside.
"Lift here to open."
(Gasps)
It's a skunk!
(Chuckles)
Well, it certainly looks
like a skunk.
It is.
It's a cute little pet skunk.
Yeah, well, at least we all
agree it's not a color tv.
(Audience laughter)
Well, who -- who would
send you a skunk?
Probably my old army buddies.
We're having a reunion this
weekend, and they like
practical jokes.
Well, get it out of
my kitchen before it
stinks up the place.
I am not touching this skunk.
(Audience laughter)
Oh, you two are being
so silly.
This is a harmless little
creature, more accurately
known as Mephitis-Mephitis.
Thank you, Marlin Perkins.
(Audience laughter)
It's obviously
been descented.
Yeah, I don't know.
I wouldn't trust that.
You don't know my
old army buddies.
Fortunately not, but I do
know a domesticated skunk
when I see one.
You come with me.
We're going to be
great friends, yes.
Yes.
Would you believe it?
To a skunk, he's nice.
Good Mephitis-Mephitis, yes.
Good.
Good Mephitis.
Good Me-- bad!
Bad Mephitis!
Bad! Bad Mephitis!
(Audience laughter)
Denise: hello?
Hello, hello?
Denise.
Hello!
(Mockingly) Hello!
Would you call the Zoo
and find out if they
want to adopt a skunk.
Sure, Benson.
Hello!
Hello?!
What are you doing?
The phones aren't ringing
so every now and then I check
to see if anyone is calling in.
Benson: Uh-huh.
Hello?!
(Audience laughter)
Hello?
(Room din)
(Audience laughter)
Denise.
Yup?
Can I see you for a moment?
Sure Benson.
There's a gorilla outside
the window.
Would you ask it to step
in here a minute?
Oh, you.
No, really, go to the window
there and holler out and
tell him to come in here.
Oh, come on.
Quit kidding around.
It's okay.
Here he is now.
Aah!
Oh!
Oh, isn't he terrific?
He scared the stuffing out
of you guys.
Wait a minute.
That's not a real gorilla.
The real gorilla is inside
the suit.
How you doing, Danny?
Oh, Sarge.
How'd you know it was me?
Well, you haven't changed
much in five years.
You still need a shave.
How you doing, sir?
How you doing?
How'd you get in here?
I got him past the guard.
I said he was Clayton's brother.
(Audience laughter)
Denise, this is my old army
buddy, Danny Miller.
Nice to meet you.
Would you like me to, uh,
hang up your head?
No, I'll just hold on to it.
Two heads are better than one.
(Laughter)
Not if they're both empty.
Oh, good, sergeant!
The Sarge could always come
up with a topper.
Hey, listen, come on, Pete.
These guys have a lot
to talk about.
Yeah, you're lucky.
You know, the guys I was in the
service with never get
together for a reunion.
Really?
Yeah.
At least, not that I know of.
(Audience laughter)
So, how you doing?
Where's Jay and Scotty?
They should be here, Sarge.
I'm telling you, there has
been a terrible mistake.
Benson, would you tell
these immigration officials
who I am?
I have never seen this
woman before in my life.
(Audience laughter)
Come on, Benson.
They're going to send me back
to Bavaria.
Al vidi se, mama.
(Audience laughter)
Let's go, sister.
Benson!--
Oh, come on,
Kraus, relax.
These are my old army buddies.
(Laughter)
Another dumb army joke.
Aah!
Oh, go climb a building.
(Audience laughter)
Oh, hey, Scotty.
Jay.
Hey, Sarge.
You guys are still up to
the same old thing.
Hey, just like old times,
right, Sarge?
Right -- I'm working,
and you guys are goofing off.
That's what a reunion is for.
Wait till you guys hear
about the deal I got
for you, huh?
Oh, another deal from Scotty.
No, no, you're gonna
love this one.
Yeah, well, why don't you
save it till tonight?
No, no, if it's bad news,
let him tell us now.
Do I have to pull
rank on you guys?
You wouldn't do that, Sarge.
All right, you sorry excuses
for human beings, fall in!
Oh!
(Laughs)
All of you -- dress it up!
Dress it up!
Atten-hut!
Oh, boy, this brings
back memories.
About-face!
Oh, oh!
Forward...hooah!
♪ Standing tall and
looking good ♪
♪ Ought to be out
in Hollywood ♪
♪ Sound off ♪
♪ , ♪
♪ End count ♪
♪ , , , , , ♪
♪ , ! ♪
(Laughs)
♪
I'll give you a hand
with this, Benson.
Okay.
(Metal rattling)
Now you know why we
never let you carry the a*mo.
(Audience laughter)
Hello, Tim.
This is your dad.
Let me talk to mom.
What do you mean she's
not at home?
She's pregnant.
She has to be at home.
Hey, Sarge, what did you do
with my jacket?
I hung it up in the closet.
(Room din)
Shopping?!
Well, you get right over to
that store and help her.
Because I'm worried,
that's why.
Okay, I'll call you back.
Goodbye.
Boy, maybe I better fly home.
Yeah, maybe you should--
nothing more dangerous than
a pregnant woman with
credit cards.
(Audience laughter)
All right, Scotty, let's
hear all about your big deal.
Okay.
Here, take one of these.
What is it?
It's a proposal.
Does this have anything to
do with the rigs you drive?
Yeah, and my boss is just
about ready to retire,
and I've always been one of his
top drivers, so he's gonna give
me the first shot at buying
the trucking company.
And believe me, the price is
right, so I want you guys to
invest with me.
Invest?
Oh, Scotty, come on, man.
I haven't got any bread.
This trip was a major
investment for me.
Oh, I'd like to help
you, Scotty, but I got two kids
in college and one on the way,
which reminds me, man, can
I use your phone?
Can I send you the bill?
I'm reversing the charges.
How about you, Sarge?
No way, Scotty.
I work for the state.
So?
Well, I'm involved in
trucking regulations.
If I invest in an interstate
trucking outfit, I mean,
there could be problems.
Why?
Because it's a conflict
of interest.
I'd like to help.
Don't sweat it.
This is a good deal.
I'm not gonna have any
problem finding a partner.
Hello, Brenda?!
It's me!
Yeah, I tried calling
you earlier, but, I mean, I only
got Tim on the phone!
Jay, if you're gonna
talk that loud, you don't
need the phone.
(Audience laughter)
Well, I think I got a
lousy connection!
No, no, no, that was
Benson talking to me!
Ain't that something --
she can hear me, but she
can't hear him.
(Audience laughter)
Now I can hear you, darling.
Are you okay?
Do you need anything?
Oh, oh, okay.
I'll call you back.
I love you, baby.
She had to get off the phone
because somebody was ringing
the doorbell.
(Doorbell rings)
(Audience laughter)
Whoa.
(The twilight zone music)
♪ Doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo ♪
Huh?
This is weird, man.
It's like The Twilight Zone.
Yes?
I'm Kim Mon Ju.
(Audience laughter)
Who?
Don't you remember, Sarge?
Kim Mon Ju.
I was your prisoner of w*r.
(Audience laughter)
I'm here for the reunion.
(The Twilight Zone music)
♪ Doo doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo ♪
♪ Doo doo doo doo ♪
(Audience laughter and applause)
(Silence)
♪
How ya doin', Sarge?
Well, I don't believe it.
Come on in, come on in.
Benson: You remember
Jay, Scotty.
Yeah, how you doing?
(Laughter)
Where'd you come from?
Dallas.
I'm a cowboy now.
(Audience laughter)
Well, you look a little small
to be playing football.
Hey, don't laugh.
My oldest son plays
college ball.
So does mine.
And my wife is having a baby.
Hey, that reminds me -- can
I use your phone again, Sarge?
Yeah, you know, use
the one in the den, Jay.
Sit down, Kim.
Have a drink.
Hey, Kim, it's really good
to see you, buddy.
How did you find us, anyway?
Oh, I was in town.
I have a store here.
Then I saw Benson's picture
in the paper and the article
about the reunion.
What's all this stuff
about the store?
Oh, I have a small chain
of convenience stores.
Have you heard of run-run shops?
You own those stores?
Only about of them.
Benson: Hmm.
Wow.
Hey, everything is okay,
and she hasn't had
a pain all day.
(Audience laughter)
Well, no wonder, you're here.
(Audience laughter and applause)
Hey, Jay, you missed it, man.
Kim here is a
regular millionaire.
No kidding.
Well, my accountant's
a millionaire.
A millionaire?
I didn't even know you were
in this country.
Yeah. Do you remember
Lieutenant Henley?
Oh, yeah, Lieutenant Henley,
the -day wonder?
The only guy who went through
the w*r without getting dirty?
(Audience laughter)
Well, he wasn't so bad.
After it was all over,
he helped me become an
American citizen.
Well, congratulations, Kim.
It's fantastic, Kim.
Isn't it wonderful?
That's great;
it's a success story.
Yes, America's
been good to me.
It looks like it's
been good to you.
That Italian suit must have
cost a few bucks.
This isn't Italian.
It's made in America.
Where I got my money,
that's where I spend my money.
(Audience cheers and applause)
You running for political
office or something?
I don't have that much money.
(Audience laughter)
Well, it's certainly hard
to believe that you're the same
scrawny -year-old kid that
we captured at Gwangju.
I'll never forget that day.
Boy, I was really surprised
to see you guys.
Always take your r*fle
into the outhouse with you.
(Laughing)
Oh, that reminds me.
Oh, oh, pictures of the kids?
I got some pictures of mine,
too. Where's my wallet?
Oh, I left it by the phone.
I'll be right back.
You might as well call your
wife while you're in there.
(Audience laughter)
Very funny.
This is what I wanted
to show you.
Anybody know what it is?
No, what is it?
I'll give you a hint.
Remember the poker game
in Pusan?
Yeah, where you cleaned
us all out?
Do you remember, Scotty?
Yeah, sure, I remember.
What about it?
This is your marker for $.
I kept it the whole years.
(Laughing)
Oh, let me see that thing.
Look at it.
What is this written on?
Army-issued toilet paper.
No wonder it lasted years.
(Audience laughter)
Look at this, Scotty.
You signed that baby
years ago, man.
Yeah. Guess I did, huh?
Hey, hold it.
That's worth bucks.
(Chuckling)
(Rustling)
Here's bucks.
Add it to your millions.
(Footsteps)
Hey, Scotty, I didn't
want your bucks.
(Light thud)
Did I say something wrong?
You got me.
Here we go, Kim.
Looky here, man.
Pictures up front.
There's my son.
Where's Scotty?
He just, uh, flipped out
and took off.
What's the matter with him?
Me.
No, no, no, no, Kim.
He's got business problems.
Yeah, that's all it is.
Forget it.
No, Sarge, it's me.
♪
Excuse me, Benson.
Scotty's here.
Oh, come on in, Scotty.
By the way, Denise, have you
heard from the phone company?
How could I?
We don't have any phones.
Right.
I'm gonna grab a sandwich.
Okay.
Have a seat, Scotty.
I'm glad you dropped by early.
I think I found the money for
your trucking company.
That's great, that's great.
But I thought you had a
conflict of interest.
No, no, no, it's not me.
I think I found you
a silent partner.
Oh, that's the best kind.
Who is it?
Kim.
Oh, thanks, but no thanks.
What's wrong with
Kim's money?
Well, I-- I just didn't risk
three years of my life to end up
with the enemy as my partner.
What enemy?
Kim's from Dallas.
Uh, alright.
If you want to ignore reality,
that's up to you.
Scotty, the reality is that
an American with a hefty bank
account thinks enough of your
idea to invest in it.
Look, if you guys want him at
the reunion, it's no skin off my
nose, but I don't have to have
him as my partner.
(Knocking)
Oh, hi, Scotty.
Having a good time?
Oh, yeah,
the time of my life.
(Light audience laughter)
Listen, Benson,
I wanted to ask you--
(Cell phone rings)
Excuse me.
Did your coat just ring?
Oh, that's my portable phone.
They gave it to me in case
of an emergency.
Hello?
Oh, hello, Senator, yes.
I wanted to talk to you about
the farm bill.
Uh, listen, uh, let me put
you on hold till I get back
to my office, okay?
Uh... I don't see a
hold button, so I'll just
put you in my pocket.
(Audience laughter)
Benson, Jay and Danny
are here.
Benson: Oh, okay.
Ready to go, Benson?
Benson: Yep.
Hey, Governor. How you doing?
Hi, Governor.
You coming to the
party tonight, Governor?
Party?
Yeah, just the guys.
Oh. Oh, I see.
Yeah, you know,
the five of us. (Chuckles)
No, it's not.
I invited Krausy.
You did what?
(Audience laughter)
And the little guy,
what's his name?
Pete?
Danny: Yeah.
Benson, is there some reason
you don't want me to come?
I didn't say I didn't
want you to come.
I just thought it was
the five of us.
Now that it isn't,
of course you're invited.
Well, if there's some
reason that you don't want
me there just say--
No, I-- I don't--
(Stuttering) Come!
Oh, okay. Thank you.
Oh, wait a minute.
I can't come to dinner.
I'm gonna have dinner
with Clayton. (Light chuckle)
What a shame.
Yeah. Oh, I know,
we can have it at your house.
Oh, of course.
I haven't forgotten
you, Senator.
(Audience laughter)
♪
(Laughing)
(Projector clicks)
hey, here we are swimming
in the Soyang River.
(Laughing)
Hey, I remember this
softball game.
Hey, softball, swimming;
was there any fighting?
Once, over a close
play at third.
(Audience laughter)
Here we are in front of a
geisha house in Tokyo.
Oh-ho!
Who's the blond guy?
He's adorable.
Big deal. I could be blond.
Yeah, but could
you be adorable?
(Audience laughter)
That's Andy.
He was from Oklahoma.
That kid wasn't
afraid of anything.
Hmm, why didn't he
come to the reunion?
He was k*lled in Korea.
Oh.
I liked Andy.
He called me cousin.
He called everybody cousin.
Everybody except
the officers.
Yeah, he didn't have
any names for them,
so he just made gestures.
(Laughing)
I see no humour in
denigrating authority.
I myself was an officer.
You're right, Clayton,
that isn't funny.
Kim: You were in the army?
No, I was in the Marines.
All: The Marines?
Yes, the Marines.
Tell them your combat
stories, Clayton.
Well, as a matter of fact,
I was with the Adjutant
General's office in DC.
See? Told you.
It was a horrible duty.
He spent the entire tour
escorting debutantes
to fancy dress balls.
Believe me,
dating congressmen's daughters
can be as dangerous as combat.
Clayton was decorated for
fox-trotting above and
beyond the call of duty.
(Laughing)
(Applause)
♪
Yeah, it was nice of
you guys to come.
Oh, thanks, Benson.
Thanks a lot.
See you tomorrow.
Good night, Pete.
Bye-bye, Denise. Take care.
(Light thud)
Danny, may I cut in?
Well, certainly, Sarge.
So, you want to dance
with me, eh, Benson?
Kraus, it's quarter to :.
You're such a party pooper.
I got to play golf with
these guys in the morning.
Okay, I can take a hint.
Well, good night, fellas.
♪
Well, don't everybody leap
to their feet.
Oh, good night, Gretchen.
Gretchen, I just want
to say-- I just want to say
that, in my book, you're okay.
Shake.
(Electricity crackles)
Oh!
Good night, you bozos.
Good night, Gretchen.
Good night.
Okay. One down, four to go.
Aw, come on, Sarge.
We want to watch the
slides one more time.
Jay, we got to be on
the tee at :.
Whoa, Scotty, go back one.
(projector clicks)
Yeah, you remember this, guys?
Thanksgiving, .
Yeah, the big feast.
Yeah, some feast; roast
pigeons stuffed with Spam.
We had some
good times together.
I just wish we'd had
some good food together.
Lots of memories.
Wait a minute.
They aren't your memories,
they're our memories.
Hey, I was there, too.
Yeah, but you were
on the wrong side.
Hey, wait a minute, Scotty.
No, he's way out of line.
Scotty, you're the one
that's out of line.
Hey, this is supposed
to be fun.
Maybe I shouldn't have come.
My sentiments exactly.
Scotty!
Kim, you're welcome here, man.
Let's get a slide,
Sarge, huh?
Wait a minute.
What's wrong with you guys?
We fought a w*r over
there, remember?
Andy died. What for?
So we can just sit around and
pass the chip dip to the enemy?
I'm not the enemy.
Scotty, no man in this room
was responsible for that w*r.
We were all in the same
situation. We were all victims.
Well, am I supposed to
cozy up with them now?
Kim offered to help you
because he considers you a
friend, and you're letting
hate stand in the way.
I don't hate him.
Well, what's the problem,
then, Scotty?
I don't know!
Maybe-- maybe just seeing
him again brought back all
that bad stuff.
No, something more than that
is eating at you, Scotty.
What is it?
Look, I have been pushing
a rig around for years,
and I'm getting nowhere.
And some-- some lousy POW
comes over here and makes a
million bucks. It stinks!
(Room din)
Kim is not some lousy POW.
This is the kid that
we thought of as a little
brother years ago.
Let it go, man.
(Room din)
It'll eat you up.
Is this a party or what?
We're supposed
to be celebrating.
Instead of celebrating
the w*r, we should be
remembering what really
went on over there.
We lost a lot of buddies.
It was a bad time.
For all of us.
Yeah.
(Dramatic instrumental music)
Gentlemen, as the ranking
noncom of this outfit,
I'd like to propose a toast.
To all the men
who died in w*r...
it's in your memory that
we pray for peace.
♪
(Audience applause)
♪
Friends?
Partners.
(Clink)
Hey, hey, hey.
Alright!
(Audience applause)
(Upbeat instrumental music)
(Footsteps)
Ooh, Benson, I'm so glad
you're here.
Would you like a snack?
No, thanks, Kraus.
I'm getting coffee.
Oh, I have just the thing
to go with that, salted peanuts.
Salted peanuts and coffee?
Sure. Here, have some.
Mm-hmm.
You can hear them inside.
I'll bet.
Laugh-A-Lot-Peanuts.
My favourite brand.
(Light audience laughter)
Yeah, help yourself.
Thank you very much.
I'm going to open them.
(Chuckling)
(Light audience laughter)
It seems stuck.
It can't be stuck.
Well, I-- I--
I can't get it.
Oh, here. Give me that.
(Audience laughter)
(Audience applause)
♪
(Upbeat theme music)
♪
(Dynamic musical swell)
04x07 - Benson's Army Reunion
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Spin off from Soap - Benson DuBois is hired to be the head of household affairs for widowed Governor Eugene X. Gatling and his daughter Katie.
Spin off from Soap - Benson DuBois is hired to be the head of household affairs for widowed Governor Eugene X. Gatling and his daughter Katie.