04x16 - Boys Night Out

[bunniefuu]

Have a good night, Kraus.

Well, Benson,
you ready for a knock-down,
drag-out brawl?

Well, I'm on
my way home now.
Maybe tomorrow.

I'm talking about
the fight tonight.

You gonna see
The Champ get pulverized?

Kraus, The Champ's
not gonna lose.

Ten bucks says
he won't make it
through the first round.

You got a bet.

Like taking candy
from a baby.

Have the bucks
with you in the morning.

No way, buster.

I'll be
on the receiving end
of that bet.

That Champ will
never hear the bell
for the second round.

Gretchen, did you make a bet
on the boxing match?

Yeah, bucks.

(SIGHS)
I didn't know you knew
anything about boxing.

I don't. It's just fun
to irritate Benson.

Boy, I'll be glad
when this fight
is over with.

That is all that
Pete has been talking
about all week.

I know what you mean.
The men around this place
have turned my kitchen

into a locker room.
Left hooks, right jabs, jaws.

You guys talking about
the big fight?

Yeah, und we are
sick of it.

Yeah, that's all
any of the guys
talk about anymore.

I know, it's the same
way at school.

I think it has
something to do
with being macho.

You know, I don't know
what men find so appealing
about v*olence.

First of all,
as a group, men are
not that intelligent.

KATIE AND DENISE: Yeah.

My social studies
teacher says that,
"v*olence is a reaction

"to the dehumanizing
elements in our society."

Oh, yeah.
Like when you want
to k*ll somebody

who cuts you off
on the freeway.

You know
what ticks me off?

Are banks that put
a -day hold
on your check.

Sometimes, I just want
to punch that teller.

Ooh, or people who smoke
in elevators.

Somebody ought
to wring their necks.
Oh, yeah.

How about the jerks
that whistle
at you on the street?

Oh, I'd like
to make them
eat that whistle.

And the creeps that call
you on the phone that want
to sell you newspapers?

Somebody ought
to disconnect
them permanently.

Yeah.

Well, see you guys later.

Oh, where are
you going, Liebchen?

Upstairs to watch
Happy Days.

I need to reaffirm
my faith in the goodness
of mankind.

Ah!

Hey, Benson,
you better call that
cable company again.

It still says
"Please stand by."

Relax, Pete. They said
they'd have the picture
back on by fight time.

Well, it is fight time.

How do you guys
like your burgers?

Rare.
Medium.

Oh, maybe I should
have asked you sooner.

It's on! It's on!
The picture's on!

Turn up the sound.

MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
the crowd is on its feet

as the current champion
enters the arena.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come on in.

Sorry, I'm late.
Has it started yet?

The Champ's
just coming on.

Impeccable timing,
as usual.

(CHEERING ON TV)
MAN:
Just listen to that crowd.

The champion's
still making his way
to the ring,

pausing occasionally
to wave, to smile,
to fall down.

What? What did he say?

Ladies and gentlemen,
The Champ has tripped
over a beer cooler,

and it looks like
he's not getting up.

No.

It can't be.

The Champ is out cold.

He's out cold,
and he's being carried
back to his dressing room.

Great. Thanks to
a beer cooler,
I owe Kraus bucks.

Well, we're still
gonna eat, aren't we?

Yeah, we might as well.
We got all this food here.

Well, then what
will we do?

Well, there's four of us.
We can play bridge.

ALL: Bridge?
Poker.

That's more like it.

Uh, can you guys
take a check?

Sure.

I'll get the cards.

Uh, Governor, how are
the hamburgers coming?

Hamburgers?
What hamburgers?

Oh!

Then I'll send
out for pizza.

Anybody want
another beer?

ALL: Yeah.

All right, Clayton,
I'll see you five
and raise you ten.

Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.

I'm out.

(PETE LAUGHS)
Pete.

I couldn't believe
the Governor stayed in
with a pair of fours.

Pretty good, huh?

(BENSON LAUGHS)
Pair of fours, aw.

Look at it this way, Clayton,

the one that got away.

The one
that got away.

The one that got away.

Hurry up and deal, Clayton.

What's the rush?

That reminds me
of a story.

You develop an instinct.

PETE: Here you go.

The one that got away
from me was a girl
named Norma Jean.

I thought she was
the most beautiful woman
in the world.

Ante up, guys.

In fact, one look
at Norma Jean...

Those big,
soft blond curls

and those big,
big hazel eyes...

Any man would say,
"Now, this lady could
be a movie star."

Movie star?
Yeah.

Norma Jean?
Yeah. (LAUGHS)

It was all before
she changed her name.

That was
several years before
I met Katie's mother,

and I remember
I was running
the lumber mill for my dad,

and it was
a nasty winter.

It snowed
almost every day.

And the winds
were fierce.

I spent most
of my evenings up

at the main cabin,
reading by the fire.

Actually, I spent
more time trying

to keep the fire lit
than I did reading.

The problem
was the flue.

Old Reggie Gibson
was supposed
to clean it out

once a month,
but he hardly ever did.

Reggie spent almost
all of his time fishing.

Reggie Gibson,
how good to see you.
(CHUCKLES)

BENSON: Sir, does Reggie
have anything to do
with Norma Jean?

GOVERNOR:
No, not really.

BENSON: Then why
is he in this story?

GOVERNOR: (CHUCKLES)
Oh, right.

I'm sorry.
Goodbye, Reggie.

Anyway, I was just crazy
about Norma Jean.

I was sure she was
the only one for me.

(WIND BLOWING)

I came to these mountains
because I needed
to be alone.

I needed to think.

I didn't plan on
meeting you

and falling in love.

BENSON: Is this
a true story?

GOVERNOR: All my stories
are true, Benson.

Don't go, Norma Jean.

I have to.

I have to go
back to California.
Why?

That's where
my future is, Gene.

But California's
full of misfits.

Please, don't make
it more difficult
than it is.

Don't do this to me,
Norma Jean.

You're all I've ever
wanted in a woman,

all I've ever
hoped for.

I think I should
tell you a story.

BENSON: Great.
A play within a play.

When I was
about , there was
this girl... (LAUGHS)

Oh, uh, no,
that doesn't really
make my point.

Oh, I know
a good one.

No, Gene, don't.

I just want you to
hold me in your arms

while we watch
the fire.

And tomorrow,
you can drive me
to the bus stop.

GOVERNOR: And that's exactly
what we did,

except for the time
I spent trying

to keep that fire lit.

Believe me,
you can't let a flue
get clogged up.

And even when you do
get the fire started,

the smoke backs
up into the room.

(LAUGHS) What happened
to Norma Jean?

She went back
to California and
changed her name.

Right.

Are you telling us
what I think
you're telling us?

Of course, he is, Benson,
Norma Jean!

Hazel eyes, blond hair,
changed her name,
California...

It all adds up.

I can't believe
that with all the stories
you've told me,

you never told me
this one.

Benson, Benson.
Please, a little discretion.

The Governor might
want to keep
the details confidential.

Details of what?

You act like it's nothing
that you had an affair

with Marilyn Monroe.

I did?

Of course, Norma Jean.

Didn't she go on to
become Marilyn Monroe?
Yeah.

Not that I know of.

Last I heard, she was
Sister Mary Augustine.

How do you like that?

You mean the one
that got away was a nun?

Not until after
she got away.

Whose deal is it?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, I know
how you feel,
Governor, though.

I let the girl
of my dreams slip
right through my fingers.

Pete, because you're
telling us your story,

it doesn't count
as the ante.

You owe the pot.

Oh, right.

I was in Vegas
for a weekend,

writing a restaurant piece
for an auto club magazine.

(EXHALES) Now, I am not
much of a gambler.

Yeah, we can see that.

You know,
I was walking
through the casino,

and I stopped
at the roulette wheel,
and I won $,.

(CHUCKLES)

And after I win
the grand,

one of the casino
bigwigs comes
over to me.

He offers me
the penthouse suite
for the night.

Well, naturally,
I accept.

You know,
I figure I deserve
a little special treatment,

but even I am
unprepared for how special
this place is.

I notice
a scent of perfume
in the air,

and I hear a soft,
sultry voice.

Hi, there.

She's stunning,
and she's sitting
on the bed.

I saw you
in the casino,

and I just had
to meet you.

Imagine the most gorgeous
creature in the world
wanted to meet me.

BENSON:
I can't imagine it.

CLAYTON: Yeah, Pete,
might you be exaggerating
just a bit?

PETE: Maybe.

Only just
a little bit.

I mean, I did win,
but, you know, it was
only about five grand,

so I didn't get
the penthouse,
just a regular suite.

But when I walk in,

ooh, I still hear
that soft, sultry voice.

Hello.

There's a nice-looking
chick standing
near the bed.

The, uh, hotel
must be overbooked.

I hope you don't mind
sharing a room.

GOVERNOR:
Overbooked? Do hotels
really do that?

BENSON: About as often
as Pete wins $,.

PETE: Okay,
well, now that
I think about it,

maybe that's not exactly
what happened.

CLAYTON: Did anything
happen at all?

PETE: Yeah.

Maybe I wasn't
a big winner.

Maybe I wasn't
a winner at all.

Okay, I broke even.

Had to pay
for my own room.

But, still,
when I walk in,

I hear that soft,
sultry voice.

Hey, Mac.

CLAYTON:
The truth, Peter.

PETE: She's turning
down the bed,

but she did
talk to me.

Here's some towels
for the john.

It was
a short relationship,
but it was real.

Okay, get to betting. King.

Okay, one little red one.

Uh...

I think I'll fold.

Clayton?

(SIGHS)

I, too, have a tale
of star-crossed lovers.

I was in
the Foreign Service,
summer intern.

My tour of duty
was Abu Dhabi.

Ah, yes,
the old Abu Dhabi duty.

You trying to tell us
you had a girlfriend
in Abu Dhabi?

She wasn't
just a girlfriend.

She was a princess.

Her name was
Princess Layla Johanna
Jasmine Alexandra.

I called her Sandy.

We'd been
seeing each other
for several weeks

when she summoned
me to her tent.

You sent for me,
my princess?

Yes, Clayton.

Why else would
you be here?

Oh, Layla,
Layla, Layla, my...
(CLEARS THROAT)

My love...

Have you considered
my proposal of marriage?

Yes, my love.

And I wish to
marry you very much.

(CLAYTON SIGHS)

But, it is
not up to me.

My father
demands a test.

A test?
A test.

Well, then, we have
nothing to worry about.
I'm good at tests.

I carried a . average
all through college.

Then I shall
tell my father

that you accept
the challenge
of the vipers.

Oh, of course,
of course...

Vipers?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Does, um...

Does "Vipers" mean

the same thing
in your language

that it means
in my language?

Snakes.

Uh-huh.

Means the same thing.

Listen closely,
my beloved.
Yeah.

Tonight, when
the moon is full...
Yeah. Oh, yes.

...you will return
to this place.

Oh, yes, I will.

There will be
two blue tents next
to the date palm.

(CHUCKLES)

I will be in
one of the tents.
Ooh.

Anointed with
the bridal oil

and waiting
to receive you in
the embrace of love.

Oh.

And you know what's
in the other tent?

The reception?

A hundred vipers.

Oh.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Wouldn't be
much of a test
without the vipers.

PETE: So, what happened?

What do
you think happened?

I caught the first flight
out of Abu Dhabi.

You never
took the test?

Well, if I'd gone
into one tent,

I'd have been
k*lled by vipers.

If I'd gone into
the other tent,

I'd have had
to marry the girl

who put the vipers
in the first tent.

(CHUCKLES) Besides,
he didn't want to go on

an Abu Dhabi honeymoon.

What a sad story.

Yeah, you think
that's sad, I'm broke.

(YAWNS)

It's getting a little late
for me, too.

Wait a minute.
You guys can't leave.

We haven't heard
Benson's story.

My story?
Drive safely, guys.

Maybe some
other time, Benson.

Thanks for
the hospitality, Benson.

Hey, Clayton,
can I bum a ride?

Yeah, I suppose.

You don't have
any snakes in
the backseat, do you?

(CHUCKLES)

Come on,
Clayton, gee.

Well, Benson,
my driver doesn't come
for another minutes.

You want to play
some gin rummy?

No, thanks.

Tell me
about her, Benson.

Well, there really wasn't
any one special person.

Sure, there is.
There always is.

You know, the one
you still think about

even though
you promised yourself
you never would.

The one you still
wonder about.

"What if I'd
handled it differently?"

Don't you ever
think about,

"What does she
look like now?"

Oh, yeah.

Her name was Maryann.

Maryann.

Yeah.

Of course, that was
a long time ago.

It was just right after
I went into the army.

There's also
a complete schedule
of other weekly activities.

Please, feel free
to take a copy.

And here's your ticket
for the door prize.

The drawing will
be held at the end
of the night.

Enjoy your evening.

(IN THE MOOD PLAYING)
Hi.

Hi, welcome to Honolulu
serviceman's center.

Thanks.

Our aloha dances are held
here every Friday night.

There's also
a complete schedule
of other...

Of other
weekly activities.

Please feel free
to take a copy.

And here's your ticket
for the door prize.

The drawing will be held
at the end of the night.

Enjoy your evening.

I'll bet you say that
to all the guys.

It's my contribution
to the w*r effort.

Does that
contribution include
dancing, too?

Sometimes, when I'm asked.

It's just
that I thought that,

well, maybe,
if you get a chance...

If you want to, of course,

we could, maybe,
uh, you know...

Dance?

How'd you know
I was gonna say that?

Just a lucky guess.
(CHUCKLES)

Okay. Well,
I'll look for you later,

or you can look for me...

If, you know, you want to.

Okay.

I'm the one
in the uniform.

Hi, welcome to Honolulu
serviceman's center.

Our aloha dances
are held here every
Friday night.

Here's a complete schedule...

(SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS)

(COUGHS)

How's the punch?

Did you make it?

No, I only work
the reception table.

Awful.

My mother made it.

Awfully good.

(LAUGHS)
I was just kidding.

You don't have to
keep drinking it.

Well, I just feel
silly standing here,
moving to the music.

Oh, I know
what you mean.

If I was dancing,
I wouldn't have
to drink this punch.

Well, it is getting
kind of late.

Maybe next week.

Not much chance of that.

I'm shipping out for Korea
tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning.

Do all you guys
learn that line
in basic training?

Well, I've been
using it for years,

and used to always get
a very strange response
in junior high school.

My name's Maryann.

Hi, Maryann. I'm Benson.

And you really should get
a better line

than "I'm shipping
out in the morning."

I'll try to
work on something
while I'm over there.

Oh, come on.

No, I am shipping out
tomorrow morning.

Honest?
Honest.

You know,
it's not as late
as I thought.

May I have this dance?

I am all yours.

MARYANN: So, my father
was stationed here,

and the whole family
moved with him.

You don't know
how tough that is

when you're
the youngest child.

It's not the easiest
thing in the world
being the oldest.

Did you ever have to take
four brothers and sisters
along on a date?

No, but were you ever
third in line

to wear your sisters' dress?

Okay, so it's a draw.

On the other hand,
with four sisters,

I didn't have
to do the dishes
every night.

Sounds like
you miss them.

I do, especially
after meals. (LAUGHS)

(AS TIME GOES BY PLAYING)

Ooh, listen.

That is my favorite song.

Ever.

Mine, too. Now.

MARYANN: And then,
if I can save
that much each week,

I'll be able to buy
the Studebaker
by the end of the year.

What do you think?

I think I'm in love.

Oh, you like
Studebakers, too?

I hate Studebakers.

I mean,
I'm in love with you.

You come up
with some of the most
worn-out lines. (LAUGHS)

It's not a line, Maryann.

It wasn't a line when I said
"I'm shipping out for Korea",

and it's not a line now.

Benson...

You're just lonely
and a little scared.

Yeah.

I am both
of those things.

I'm lonely
and I'm scared.

I'm also in love.

Oh, gosh.

Now, I'm scared.

Don't be scared.
Let's get married.

What?

Let's get married.

Look, I don't have
to be back at the base
for six hours.

We can check
the phone book and find
a justice of the peace.

And before the sun
comes up, you'll be
Mrs. Benson DuBois.

What's the matter?
You don't like the name?

I'll change it.

It's not that, Benson.

It's just that we can't
just pick up and...

Oh. (LAUGHS)

You really
had me going there
for a minute.

I have never met
anybody that likes
to kid around

as much as you do.

Married.

You don't even
know my parents.

I haven't graduated.

And we just
met each other.

You were kidding,
weren't you?

Yeah.

That's me,
anything for a laugh.

(MUSIC ENDS)

Well, looks like
they're closing
the place up.

It is getting late.

(COIN JINGLING)

(AS TIME GOES BY PLAYING)

GOVERNOR: You never
saw Maryann again?

No, I never did.

I wrote to her once,

after the w*r.

But I didn't
get an answer.

Oh, well, that's life.

(CHUCKLES)

Thank you
for the evening, Benson.

Oh, my pleasure, Governor.

Sorry we didn't get
to see the fight.

(CHUCKLES)

See you on Monday.

Yeah.

Good night.

(AS TIME GOES BY PLAYING)

(INAUDIBLE)