A Christmas carol.
l liked that when l was a kid.
You`d propably like it again l know all about orphanages and l know all about orphans and l`m not interested.
lf you could just see these children l `d probably puke.
l don`t like dogs l don`t like kids! Buckle up! l don`t like this! Oh l love the sound of Christmas music.
Yeah so do l.
What are we going to do with our time off?
Who said we`re having time off?
.
lt`s the day before Christmas.
Don`t tell me the boss wants you to work on Christmas does he?
Angels don`t get holidays off.
You know all work and no play makes Jack a dull angel.
Why do you do that l hate l when you do that.
l didn`t do that.
The Boss?
The Boss.
There goes Christmas.
Brake department.
We just love that car Mr Minnelli l just Tony, call me Tony.
Tony.
Like l said l love the car l just don`t know if l can afford the payments on it.
lt`s exactly what we want.
l know darling, it`s just that Listen to the little lady that is the car of your choice.
Why your honest Eddie.
ln the flesh, and you are?
Bonnie, Bonnie Simpson this is Jeff, my husband Jeff Simpson.
Newlyweds too l`ll bet.
l`d l like to give you a word of advice, not about cars but about women.
You`ve got a good little woman here.
You treat her right, don`t worry about the payments.
Make her happy, put her in the car of her choice money doesn`t mean anything when it comes to love.
How`s their credit?
Well, to be honest l think they`ll have trouble getting a bank loan or a car this expensive.
sh**t, isn`t that the way with banks, all they know is dollars and cents.
They don`t know anything about love.
l`ll tell you what Tony you go ahead and fill out those papers l`ll do all the financing myself.
Why thank you.
No thanks needed little lady.
lt is the day before Christmas and old Eddie has got the spirit.
You go ahead and enjoy that car we will.
- Merry Christmas to you.
Thanks.
Excuse me, l`ll be right back.
Eddie, maybe l`m new here, but l don`t understand.
There is no way that old man can make those payments.
And you know what kind of shape that cars in.
Of course he can`t make the payments but he can put the $500 down.
The first payment he misses we`ll repo that old junker if it still runs.
You make more money selling a car three times then you do selling it once.
Plunder and pillage pal, that`s the name of the game.
don`t ever forget it.
Well, how`s my chief mechanic doing on his first week of the job?
Oh, just fine sir.
l was wondering if l could just ask you something?
Sure, go
-ahead.
l`m always willing to listen to my special employees.
The trusted ones.
l was wondering if maybe l could get a bit of an advance on my first pay cheque, if that would be possible.
Well you did just start on the job you know.
Oh, l know that and l appreciate the job a lot, l really do.
lt`s just that one of my kids is sick, awfully sick and l have been out of work for a little while and l would sure like to get him some toys for Christmas.
l don`t know what the next year is going to bring with him and l would like to have some something for him under the tree.
l`ll work overtime, pay you back interest whatever l just have Say no more.
lf you want a favour you got it, providing you don`t prove to be a ungrateful.
Oh, no.
l`d be grateful, sir.
l promise you l would.
yes.
Good, good.
Listen, why don`t you take a few hours off, go on downtown and do your shopping and then make me back here a little after closing time.
l got a few cars l want to set the odometer back on them a little bit.
Setting back the odometer, sir, that`s a federal crime.
Yes it is.
That`s why we do it after everyone`s gone home and that`s why you`re going to get your advance.
Sir, l`m a good worker l know my trade.
l`d work awful hard for you but l just can`t do that sort of thing.
Ratchet! l like my employees to do what l say.
l`m sorry sir l can`t.
Well, in that case you`re fired! Oh, but you can`t l can`t?
Can`t is not in my vocabulary.
What about my pay?
You owe me for two days.
Sue me for it! Mr.
Eddy.
l am Millard Watkins.
What can l do for you?
l`m on the board of the local orphanage and we`re trying to enlist the aid of prominent businessmen in the community You see our orphanage is about to lose its home l`m not interested.
l haven`t finished.
- Oh, you`ve finished alright.
l know all about orphanages and l know all about orphans and l`m not interested.
lf you could just see these children l `d probably puke.
l don`t like dogs l don`t like kids! But in the spirit of Christmas surely you We have the spirit of Christmas here.
it`s the best time for selling a car! Now, if you`re excuse me.
Top of the morning to you friends.
What can l do for you?
Well we`re really just looking around thanks.
You couldn`t do better than this little machine you`re standing next to here.
Would you believe this only has 30,000 miles on it.
No.
What?
No l wouldn`t believe you.
l`d say it had 153,000 miles on it.
Well, you`d be just as wrong as you could be.
All you got to do is check that the odometer.
This little honey has been babied every step of the way.
lt`s been in two wrecks.
lt has has it?
Yeah, it has.
What is this?
You guys from the police or the better business bureau?
No, no.
we`re not from either.
Then get off my a lot! Hey, Eddy.
What?
Merry Christmas.
Same to you fella.
Do you know where we`re going?
No not really.
We`ve been walking for two hours, you know my feet are k*lling me.
Oh, come on will you stop complaining.
lt`s a beautiful night.
lt`s Christmas Eve.
- Yeah, l know, it doesn`t seem like Christmas without snow.
You know what l mean?
How much snow do you want?
Maybe l can ask.
Good evening, Jonathan.
Chris.
Ho Ho Ho Chris.
Oh, it`s been a long time.
That it has, that it has how`s the Mrs?
- Well, a little tired right now.
Well, l can imagine.
Listen, you have a good trip tonight.
l will, l will.
God be with you.
- God be with you.
Who`s that?
An old friend of mine.
How long have you know him?
Since l was a little kid.
His name is Chris, huh?
Chris who?
Hold it there he is Who?
Come on.
You locking up?
What?
l just wondered if you were looking up.
l wanted to pick out a toy for my nephew.
No, er yeah, we`re all closed up now.
l just locked up, we`re all closed.
You`ll be open tomorrow right?
Yeah, right.
we`ll be open tomorrow.
That will be good enough.
Hey, Merry Christmas to you.
Right, Merry Christmas.
Don`t tell me, let me guess, you let that guy get away with trying to break into this store because he`s our assignment, right?
Yes, he is certainly part of it.
Well, l`d have busted him.
Oh, come on a lot of people make mistakes trying to make their loved ones happy.
What you say we get a room?
Let me ask you something first.
Cringle.
you`re going to ask if my friend`s last name was Cringle?
Come on.
What are you looking for?
l am just looking out the window.
Come on, you don`t think l buy that Chris Cringle stuff do you?
What you think l`m a kook?
Hey, you know something funny, that`s exactly what you said to me when l told you l was an angel.
That was different.
Whatever you say.
You`re not going to see him you know.
l`m not looking for anything.
l told you that.
Come on, what`s so funny about looking out of a window?
Everybody looks out the window.
Besides, l`ve got nothing else to do.
l`m tired.
Here read a book, it will make you sleepy.
A Christmas Carol.
Boy l liked this when l was a kid.
You`d probably like it again.
Pleasant dreams.
Joseph .
Get down here if you don`t want to lose your job! Come on.
What took you so long?
l`m terribly sorry sir.
l came as quickly as l could.
You must be getting old.
Would you care for a late night snack sir?
No, l don`t want anything.
l had a hard day l`m not hungry.
Then ah would it be alright, sir, if l took the rest of the evening off?
Yes, go ahead, l`ll see you in the morning.
ln the morning sir?
Yes.
what are you?
a parrot?
Yes, but tomorrow is Christmas.
l know that but l still have to eat breakfast on Christmas morning?
Who do you think is going to cook it?
Not sir it`s.
.
What, what?
lt`s my grandchildren, sir.
lt`s Christmas morning.
l promised them l`d be there well, don`t make promises you can`t keep.
l want breakfast at 8 o`clock.
Good night sir.
lt`s going to be a long night Eddie.
Do you know what love is?
l will tell you.
Love is a brand new used car or truck for Christmas.
Nowhere else will you get better offers than in Honest Eddy.
Do you know why?
lt`s because l care about you lmagine the look ofjoy on the face of the one you love.
When they look out on the driveway Christmas morning and see the car of their choice.
That`s not love Eddie and you know it.
That`s right Eddie, l`m talking to you.
Come on Eddie all you think about is the almighty dollar.
That`s all you care about just yourself.
You can shut off the TV Eddie but you can`t shut off the truth.
All the money l have is right there on the end table.
l don`t want your money Eddie.
Then what`s this all about?
Hey, l know you, you were down at the lot today.
What`s going on here?
We`re going to go on a little trip Eddie.
No, no you`re not going to kidnap me.
You can`t run away Eddie.
Do you know what the penalty is for kidnapping?
Do you?
Time to start our journey Eddie.
You can open the door now.
l know this place, these people.
You should Eddie.
lt`s your grandmother`s house back on the farm in Arkansas.
That`s impossible.
She`s been dead almost 40 years.
Forty two years to be exact.
Mamma, is that you?
They can`t see or hear us Eddie.
Hey, you recognise that little fella over there?
Yeah, yeah that`s me, when l was Eight years old.
Boy, look at this place l forgot how dirt poor we were.
There wasn`t much money.
There was a lot of love then.
Grandma couldn`t even afford a decent Christmas tree.
look at that.
Look at the children`s faces.
They don`t seem to mind.
We didn`t even have enough food in the house that year.
it was a drought year.
So, all the neighbours came over and brought something.
That`s real love Eddie.
That`s real love.
Argh, they`re suckers.
there`s not a one of them that amounted to a hill of beans.
All right children, it`s time to open up the presents.
What`s wrong Edward?
There`s nothing underneath the tree for me.
That`s because it was too big to put under the tree.
This is for you.
ASilver Flyer bike.
.
You`re the best grandma in the whole world and this is the best Christmas there ever was.
ASilver Flyer.
l never had so much fun out of any car as l did out of that bike.
Yeah, your grandmother scrimp and saved for that one.
Sure did.
She didn`t live to see another Christmas either.
Nobody ever loved me like that old woman did.
Well, she died loving you that much.
lt didn`t do me any good.
Shoved me in a foundling home that`s when l made up my mind that l was going to be so rich.
That nobody was ever going to take me away from my loved ones again.
The only problem was you never loved anybody else again.
You were to busy making money.
Well, money doesn`t run on you if you`re smart.
How do you think your grandmother would feel about the way you turned out?
She`d be so proud.
Are you sure now?
Yeah, who wouldn`t.
l`m a millionaire.
l love you, Grandma.
l love you.
And l love you, Edward.
She was one of a kind.
Yes, she was.
When was the last time you told someone you loved them Eddie?
When was the last time someone told you they loved you?
Time to go Eddie.
Oh, can`t we stay a little longer?
No l`m afraid not.
Look, you go ahead l`ll stay here.
lt doesn`t work that way Eddie.
Hey, what are you doing to me?
What`s happening here?
Ma`ma! l`m in my car.
What is this?
Who are you?
Who do l look like?
You look like a hairball.
Hey, l know you.
You were with that other guy today.
Where is he, where`d he go?
- He`s in your past Eddie.
l`m the spirit of Christmas present.
Christmas present?
- That`s right.
Now fasten your seatbelt.
Were going for a little ride.
What you mean we`re going for a ride?
What is this, where are we going?
You`ll see.
buckle up.
Watch it, this is a $38,000 car.
l don`t like this.
l don`t like this.
This is not good.
Do you know this place?
- Yeah.
l know this place.
lt`s the home old man Miller is always trying to get me to donate too.
You got it.
Look at that.
nightshirts! why it is they never give kids in places like this pyjamas?
Because they can`t afford them, so they use one size fits all.
You know, the first money l ever made l bought myself a pair of pyjamas.
Look at these toys, they`re castoffs.
A sock puppets.
Oh, boy do l remember, those old ladies make them.
You live in a place like this and you never see a bicycle.
You know that man over there?
Yeah that`s my attorney, Caleb Fish.
Cold Fish is more like it.
Call the cops will you Caleb.
With this guy is Hey, Caleb.
He can`t see you or hear you.
Caleb Mr.
Fish, l must say your timing is a little to be desired.
To do something like this on Christmas.
Just another work day to me.
My client`s wishes are perfectly clear, you are to vacate the premises by five o`clock this afternoon.
We are still trying to raise the money, give us at least until the first of the year.
lt`s not up to me.
My client wishes the building to be demolished by the first to make room for a new car lot.
A car lot?
Your client wouldn`t by any chance be someone called honest Eddie, would it?
My clients name is not important.
The land is owned by a holding company.
And obviously my client does not wish to deal with anyone directly in this matter.
l would guess not.
Let me tell you something Mr.
Fish, your client is one of the most reprehensible men that ever walked the face of the earth.
Shut him up fish, he can`t say those things about me you`re my friend.
Only a cruel and insensitive person would act to evict orphans on Christmas Day.
Cut him off Fish, you can`t talk about me like that.
Well, l tell you Millard.
Quite frankly l couldn`t agree with you more.
What?
But unfortunately he owns the land.
And there`s nothing l can do about it.
The only thing l can suggest is that you go to see him yourself and plead your case.
Here, l`ll give you his address.
You`re giving my home address to this mush mouth do
-gooder.
l doubt it will do you much good.
But you can try, and l`ll hold up the papers till you do.
l appreciate it.
You`re fired Fish! l`m sorry.
Fish, you`re fired.
So much for friendship.
You don`t buy friendship you only rent lies.
lt goes along with what l`ve been saying all the time.
You don`t trust people.
You trust money not friends.
That`s all you heard just now.
What about what you`re doing to these kids?
You`re throwing them out of here on Christmas.
You heard this?
lt`s a little violin playing, my heart bleeds don`t talk to me about orphans! l was one, remember.
They`ll do fine if they got the guts.
Like you did?
Yeah like l did.
l learned from the school of hard knocks.
That`s where l got my education.
Hard knocks, huh.
Well, you come with me l`m going to take you to a place where you can see what hard knocks are all about.
Oh, no, hey! l hate this.
What a dump.
Who lives in this place?
- Dave Ratchet your ex
-mechanic.
Hey, it`s not my fault his out of a job.
Oh really, what did he do wrong?
Things.
Things?
Things like not turning back the odometer on your cars?
He told you?
No.
Well, how do you know?
l just know l know everything about you Eddie.
- All right you can go in now.
This one`s mine.
Here`s one`s for me.
Can we open it now?
- Of course.
- Here you go Bobby.
Thank you dad.
There, they`re not much kids.
Oh, look they`re beautiful.
You made these mum?
l hope you like them?
- Oh, l do.
Baloney she`s just trying to make her mother feel good.
You `re sure?
Are you kidding?
Oh, a doll l love her.
Gee, a truck! look at my truck.
Yeah well, like l said, there`s not much but maybe next Christmas what`s the matter with dad?
Your father feels bad because he couldn`t do more for you this Christmas.
We don`t feel bad.
- l know.
The truth is your father lost his job yesterday and it just comes at a bad time for us.
Why did daddy lose job?
Because your father is an honest man and he wouldn`t do the crooked thing that his boss wanted him to do.
Why did his boss fire him for being honest?
Because the boss isn`t.
l hate him.
No, Lisa, you don`t hate people like that.
You feel sorry for them.
She`s sorry from me?
My bed cost more money than this whole house and she`s sorry for me?
So am l.
come on.
Dad.
Oh, son.
l got this cold coming on l guess.
Crying is okay, you always told me that.
l guess l did didn`t l.
l`m sorry about your job, l know how you must feel, and l`m sure proud of you.
Proud?
Sure .
it makes them proud to know what good man dad is l love you dad.
l love you too.
all of you.
l just wished l hadn`t let you all down.
But you haven`t.
You`re the greatest dad in the whole world.
Just us being here all of us together that`s the greatest Christmas present ever.
You know we are pretty lucky aren`t we.
You bet we are.
Well, what are we doing in here?
lt`s Christmas morning and we`re a family.
Pancakes for breakfast?
Yeah, with lots of syrup.
Ok lets go.
.
They love him.
His wife, the kids, especially that little sick kid.
They love him even though he let them down?
But he hasn`t let them down.
He has given them love.
He is a lucky man that Ratchet.
l never had anyone back me up like that.
Lucky man.
He won`t be so lucky next year when he loses Bobby.
When they all lose Bobby.
He`s going to die without an operation.
There is no way Ratchet can make the money to get it for him.
You mean all they need to cure that kid is money?
But what about the free hospitals, what about the money they steal out my taxes for welfare and stuff?
There are only a few hospitals in the country that can perform that kind of operation.
That`s a matter of money.
lt`s time to go.
Not this again l hate this.
What are we doing here, why did you bring Hey, where are you?
Hey! Where are you?
l`m here Eddie lt`s you, where`s your friend?
He`s in the present.
The present.
Where are we?
Oh, we`re in the future Eddie.
The future?
Come on l want to show you something.
- Oh, no.
lt`s all right, come on.
Boy, l tell you this is not my idea how to spend Christmas morning.
l know what you mean.
Well, the sooner we get finished the sooner we`ll be back with our families.
Yeah, did you ever see a funeral like that in your life?
No, l can`t say that l have.
Not a soul there other than the preacher.
l guess the guy didn`t have any family.
Yeah, but no friends, l mean er, you think the guy would have some friends that would show up for the funeral?
A guy like that, you can`t help feeling sorry for him you know.
he wasn`t exactly poor.
l mean, the headstone cost a few bucks That`s for sure.
Hey, what you say we knockoff for the day?
Yeah nobodies here anyway.
Let`s go.
Come on, what are we doing here?
l think you know.
Come on Eddie, take a look.
No, l don`t want to see.
- You have too.
Why did you show me that?
Why?
Wait a minute there`s a reason for it.
lt`s got to be because there`s a way to stop it from happening.
There`s got to be a way for me to stop it from happening or just tell.
.
Spirit.
Spirit?
Spirit don`t leave me.
You got to tell me how to change it.
Spirit.
Oh, don`t leave me here.
What?
l`m still alive.
Joseph.
l`m sorry if l woke you sir, but you wanted breakfast at eight.
Breakfast at eight?
What day is this?
The day?
The day?
Christmas Day sir.
Christmas Day, Joseph, it`s Christmas Day.
Yes, Sir.
What are you doing here?
- l beg your pardon?
What are you doing here on Christmas Day?
You should be home with your family.
But you asked me to work sir.
Don`t listen to me.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Now go on go home to your family.
What about your breakfast sir?
Breakfast, l couldn`t eat breakfast, not on Christmas Day.
Go on go home to your family.
- Thank you sir.
Joseph.
Joseph.
Joseph.
Joseph, Joseph Yes, sir?
When was the last time l ever gave you a raise?
When, when, come on?
Never, sir.
- Never?
Never! that`s a long time.
Okay, you`ve got a raise.
Thank you very much sir.
- How much do you want?
l beg your pardon sir?
- The raise, how much do you want?
Oh never mind, l`ll double it.
Now, go on, go home to those nephews of yours.
Thank you very much sir and a Merry Christmas sir.
Merry Christmas to you.
.
Yes, Merry Merry Christmas.
Who is this?
Millard, get in here.
l`m sorry to bother you this morning.
Well, you ought to be, its Christmas morning, or hadn`t you heard it was in this spirit of Christmas l felt compelled to speak with you.
ls it about the orphanage?
- Yes, it is.
l thought perhaps l could convince you
- Oh no there`s no way you can convince me that orphanage is coming down and that`s the way it is and you`re not going to change my mind about.
l thought l was wasting my time.
Well, you certainly were if you thought l was going to help you save that old dump.
lt might be a dump to you! To those children it`s all the home they have.
Not any more, now let`s get down to business.
l`m going to write you a cheque for $250,000 to build a new orphanage.
And get those kids some pyjamas.
Well?
Well, what`s the matter, are you hard of hearing?
lf you are throwing a few more bucks we`ll get you a hearing aid.
Well, if this is your idea of a joke l think it`s a pretty cruel one.
Maybe you`re right, l`ll make it for 350,000.
350,000! are you serious?
Millard you drive a hard bargain.
l`ll tell you what, l`ll make it an even half million and not a penny more, except the hundred thousand dollars we`ll use to start the scholarship fund.
Scholarship fund?
l just don`t know what to say.
Then don`t say anything.
Except Merry Christmas Honest Eddy.
Merry Christmas Honest Eddie.
Merry Christmas to you too.
Now go on get the hell out of here, l got places to go and things to do.
Merry Christmas.
Here we go wake up rise and shine.
Rise and shine my eye.
That`s the worst nights sleep l have ever had in my life.
All those dreams, it was weird the whizzing around in a convertible.
You know Honest Eddie was there too.
What a morning.
What are you so happy about?
Are you kidding?
lt`s Christmas.
Got a problem?
Look who`s here, it`s Honest Eddie.
That`s right, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
nothing this car we got off you is no good you cheated us.
l sure did.
You admitted it.
Well, of course l admit it, l got to admit it.
l`m Honest Eddie, right?
Little lady l promised you a car of your dreams, didn`t l, didn`t l?
Yes you did.
Well, how about this one?
What?
- My car.
ls this the car of your dreams?
lt`s beautiful, but
- lt`s yours.
l`ll trade you even.
- Even?
That`s right, you stop by my place in a couple of days and pick up the pink slip.
Merry Christmas.
l`ll tell you that was the strangest dream l`ve ever had.
lt was so real, l`m worn out from it.
l feel like l haven`t slept all night.
Some dreams are like that, l guess.
Where are we going anyhow?
We can go to the toy store we were at last night.
Yeah.
are we going to play Santa Claus?
No we`re going to be more like reindeer.
Well, that`s the last of it.
- Good, good, just sock it in there and here you go.
- Thanks, mister.
Have you got any brothers and sisters at home?
Yeah, two brothers and three sisters.
Ah, that`s a fine family here you go.
Merry Christmas to you.
Thanks Mr and Merry Christmas to you too.
Come on.
Damn.
- Got car trouble Eddie?
Yeah, l sure have, it`s one of mine.
Hey, it`s you guys.
- Listen, l had a dream last night, both you guys were in it.
You wouldn`t have believed it.
Yes, l would.
Do you need a lift Eddie?
Yeah, yeah listen you guys, help me out, l`ll make it worth your while, say twenty a piece.
Oh, come on Eddie, we don`t want any money.
lt`s Christmas.
Yeah, yeah, it`s Christmas.
This one`s mine.
Here`s one for me.
Can we open them now?
Of course.
l`ll get it, don`t start without me.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas to you.
There we go.
What`s going on here?
Merry Christmas Dave, boy oh boy, you saved me from making a terrible mistake yesterday.
Then you took off before l could give you your Christmas bonus.
Christmas bonus?
Yeah, yeah, you wanted to buy some presents for the kids so l thought l cut out the middleman and pick them up myself.
l don`t know what to say
- Well, just say Merry Christmas Dave.
And be sure to turn up for work tomorrow.
An honest man like you is hard to find.
l just how to thank you sir
- Well, there is one thing.
l want to ask a favour off the little guy over here.
Now Bobby, l hear tale there`s a hospital down there in Texas where doctors can take little guys like you who who are feeling a little puny, and ziperty zip before you know it you`re up on both feet.
Would you go down there with me and your dad and your mum and your sisters?
We`ll let those doctors take a crack at getting you out of this chair.
ln return for one great big favour.
Well, sure what kind of favour?
Well, you see, l never had any kids and l`m an age now when l ought to be playing with my grand kids but l don`t have any of them either.
So, l was wondering if every once in a while you and l could play together and, you know throw the ball around play checkers and stuff like that?
You could think of me as your your grandpa Eddie.
Sure, grandpa.
All right.
- Can we open them now?
You bet.
Would you like to spend Christmas Day with us?
Would l ever, it would be the best Christmas l ever had.
Fellas l`d like fellas.
Where did they go?
l didn`t even see them leave.
Grandpa Eddie, look.
lt`s the most best train.
This is the happiest Christmas there ever was.
God bless you grandpa Eddie.
Think he already has son.
l think he already has.