05x11 - Unlisted Love

[bunniefuu]

[ birds chirping ]

[ telephone rings ]

Hello.

Yes, this is he.

Oh, well,
That is good news.

Thank you for calling.

All right.

My pants will be back
Wednesday.

[ sighs ]

What could be
Taking so long?

Well, maybe
They broke the zipper.

I am not talking
About the pants.

I am talking about
The appropriations committee.

Could we just
Drop the pants?

Well,
Whatever turns you on.

Well, I just hope
They elect tom wembley chairman.

Well, I'll be happy
With anyone except tyler.

Benson, you can
Take my word for it.

Tyler does not stand
A chance.

Well, I guess
You guys heard.

Tyler won.

Where'd you hear that?

It was on the news bulletin
Just before "General hospital."

That's gonna make it tough

To get the unemployment
Extension passed.

It's gonna make
Everything tougher.

He has opposed me
On every issue.

Sir, I think
You're just gonna have to

Put all that in the past.

My suggestion is that we throw
A little cocktail party,

Congratulate him -- start things
Off on the right foot.

I could get some pictures
Of the two of you

Being real buddy-buddy.

I'll invite some columnists.
We'll get coverage on it.

[ sighing ] I don't know.
What do you think, benson?

Well, I really
Don't see any point

In buttering up
That birdbrain.

He's always been
A stumbling block.

You're just gonna
Have to work around him.

Benson!

[ knock on door ]
Come in.

Hi.
I'm from the phone company.

We're installing
A new switchboard,

And I need to
Run some lines in here.

It'll just
Take a few minutes.

Oh, won't you come on in?

Take as many minutes
As you like.

Governor, I'll put out
The standard release

On tyler's election -- "We're
Pleased," et cetera, et cetera.

Benson.

Hmm?

Benson.

What is it? What?

You know who that is?

Who? Her?
Yeah.

It's a telephone-repair lady.

No, that is betty braxton.
We went to high school together.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

About senator tyler --
How do you want to handle it?

You don't understand.
She was a cheerleader.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

Well, hug my pom-poms.

Uh, could we get back
To tyler's cocktail party?

We didn't say anything about
Giving him a cocktail party.

Could you fellas hold that
Thought for just a minute?

Excuse me.

Oh. Uh, yes?

I'm gene gatling.
You don't remember me, do you?

Sure.
You're the governor.

No, no.
That's not it.

We went to
Crandall high together.

Yeah, I was kind of short.

I had braces on my teeth

And a crew cut that
Sort of leaned over to the left.

Wait a minute.
I do remember.

You were secretary
Of the student council.

Two years running.

Oh, and you took
Your sister to the prom.

Two years running.

Listen, betty, I hope
You're not embarrassed by this,

But I sure had
A big crush on you back then.

Really?
Yeah.

This is ridiculous.

He should be
Taking care of business.

It looks to me like
He is taking care of business.

I always thought of you
As mike's girl.

Yeah. Mike.
We got married.

Oh, that's too bad.

I mean, congratulations.

But now we're divorced.

Oh! Well, congratula--

I mean, that's too bad.

I, uh, hate to interrupt
This little class reunion,

But I do have
A very tight schedule.

I'll be with you when I'm done,
Clayton -- not before.

Well, I guess that sort
Of loosened up your schedule,

Didn't it?

I'm done here, anyway.

Ohh.

Maybe we could talk later.

Oh, I'd like that.

Oh, governor?

Gene.
Yeah?

I-I just wanted to tell you,
Uh, you turned out real nice.

[ door closes ]

Benson:
So, what about tyler?

Benson, I'm in love.

Good grief. Can you
Give me a break over here?

The girl was just in here
Two minutes.

You couldn't be in love.

I didn't get her phone number.
I'll be right back.

What about tyler?

I still think the cocktail party
Is the best idea.

Oh, I think
It's a wonderful idea.

Governor!

Finally the man
Is making some sense.

He's beginning
To think like me.

Clayton, the man
Isn't thinking at all.

But come to think of it,
There is some similarity.

Ha ha ha.
Where is the governor?

Here's the governor,
Just in time.

Governor gatling,
Senator tyler.

Senator, nice to see you.

Nice to see you, too.
Now I guess we're both liars.

[ chuckles ]

Heh heh
Heh heh.

Very amusing.

Hasn't he got
A great sense of humor?

No.

Senator, I don't think you've
Met my friend betty braxton.

Betty, this is
Senator leonard tyler.

It's a pleasure to meet you,
Senator tyler.

I'll bet you say that
To all the senators.

Betty, shall I get you
A glass of punch?

Thank you, gene.

Anyway, dubois, I understand
You're still pushing

For that unemployment
Extension.

Senator, there are
A lot of people out there

Who need our help.

I assume you've read

The most recent
Unemployment statistics.

You want to know how
To cut those figures in half?

Get the housewives
Out of the job market.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Why should families
Eat three meals a day, anyway?

Benson!

Women have
The right to work, too.

Betty!

But they don't have to.
That's why they have husbands.

Leonard!

Suppose a woman
Doesn't have a husband.

Then maybe she should
Start working

On her figure, sweetie.

[ chuckles ]

Uh, it --

It was
A-an accident, senator.

Let me...

[ sputters ]

This bimbo
Just threw a drink on me.

Bimbo?!

Betty, here's your punch.

Bad timing, governor.

What happened?
What did I miss?

Somebody's
Going to pay for this.

Uh, senator -- senator, wait.
Wait for me.

Well, that's our show
For tonight, folks.

Thanks for coming.
Drive safely.

I don't want to hear any more
About what betty did last night.

Sir, I don't think you can
Afford to associate with someone

Who reflects badly
On this administration.

Then I guess that means
You'll have to resign.

Well, we're the headline
In "Capitol chatter" today.

Let me see that.

Ah.

"Governor gatling's newest flame
Made a splash last night.

"Unfortunately,
The splash was a drink

"Thrown in
Senator tyler's face.

The senator
Made a quick exit."

And a large puddle.

Don't laugh.

The guys in the pressroom
Are calling this "Bettygate."

"Warning, governor."

I've heard enough.

"If you're going to find
Your dates in the yellow pages,

Next time
Look under 't' for 'tact.'"

This should be filed
Under "G" for "Garbage"!

I care about betty, and nothing
Is going to come between us --

Not you, not the press,
And not this office!

How do you like that,
Bucko?!

I like it.
I like it.

I'll be in my office.

Any other opinions,
Pete?

I don't have any opinions,
Governor. I'm married.

Benson, do you have anything
To say about bettygate?

Not at this point in time.

[ telephone rings ]

[ sighs ]

Hello.

Hey, governor.
What's happening?

Oh, nothing.

Just sitting up here reading
With my feet propped up.

Yeah.

What?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Come on over.

That's all right.
Take your time.

[ doorbell rings ]

[ sighs ]

Hi.

Well, what did you do --
Beam over?

I called from the limo --
In the driveway.

Oh, okay.
Well, come on in.

Don't you like betty?

Sure, I like betty.
Why?

You just slammed the door
In her face.

Oh! [ laughs ]

Hi.
Hi.

Gene said that since
We were in the neighborhood,

You'd be insulted
If we didn't drop by.

Oh, well, thank you
For sparing my feelings.

Come on in.

Thank you.

Can I get you
Something to drink?

Oh, I'd love a diet soda.

Oh, okay.
Sit down. Have a seat.

Nice place.

Thank you very much.

Can I help?

Benson, listen, I hope this
Isn't too much of an imposition.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's no imposition,

But I thought you guys
Were going to the movies.

Well, yeah,
But we wanted some privacy.

Oh, so you-all thought
You'd come over here.

Listen,
It's not what you think.

I'm not thinking anything.

You think that
I'm afraid to be --

To be seen
In public with betty

Because of what that
Gossip column said, aren't you?

No, I thought you
Came over here for privacy.

That's right.
That's all we want, is privacy.

Well, whatever you say.

Okay. Here.

Thank you.

Uh-huh. Sure.

Did you miss me?

Terribly.

Talking about movies --

I haven't seen
A good movie in ages.

Would you two be upset
If I went to the movies?

No.

Good.
Then that's what I'll do.

I'll just go over here
And get my coat -- jacket --

Out of the closet.

It gets awful cold
In them theaters.

Let's see.
I got my keys with me.

I got my wallet here.

Uh, excuse me.

[ gasps ]

The keys.

All right.
You guys have a good time.

Of course,
I don't need to tell you that.

I should be pulling into
The driveway around :.

I don't have any shoes.

[ betty giggling ]

Uh! Ohh! Ow!

Morning.

Well, you're certainly
Taking life easy --

Showing up at :.

Don't start with me, kraus.

I'm angry,
Irritable, and in pain.

Last night, I stubbed my toe
On a petrified gumdrop.

Well, I don't know
What you're talking about,

But it sounds kinky.

Well, it's not kinky.

I went to the movies last night,
And I forgot my shoes.

Ja. Sure.

I bet you just want people
To look at your feet.

Where'd you get your brain,
In a mail-order catalog?

So, what was the movie about?

Oh, I don't know.
It was in italian.

Something about an old guy
With a bicycle

Who gives an electric train
To a nun.

[ gasps ]

Oh, ja.
"A caboose for adano."

Oh.

I always cry
When they steal his horn.

Well, I don't remember
That part.

When I stubbed my toe,
I started hollering,

And they asked me to leave
In three languages.

Oh! Hi, benson!

Gee, I'm so sorry
That I'm late.

Don't apologize to him.
He just came in himself.

Don't worry about it, denise.
I'm gonna be in my office.

Do I got any appointments?

Not until :.

Good.
Then I'll be sleeping.

Well, we found
An apartment!

Oh, great!
When do you move in?

As soon
As they evict the gypsies.

So, is it nice?

Oh, yeah.

It's got four rooms
And a monkey cage.

[ gasps ]
Oh, good.

Then pete can have
An office at home.

Tour starts
At :, buddy.

Oh, how's it going,
Dubois?

Oh, senator tyler.
What brings you to the mansion?

Oh, just trying
To get the feel of the place.

You never know.

You know, if your head
Were any bigger,

You'd just fall right over.

That's funny, dubois.

Incidentally,

We might get your
Unemployment extension passed.

Gatling invited me

To your progressive government
Club wingding tonight.

I think I might just get
A public apology.

As a trade-off for
The unemployment extension?

Whatever.

That's not the kind of thing
The governor does.

Maybe you don't know
The governor

As well as
You think you do.

See you tonight.

[ knock on door ]

Yeah. Come in.

Governor,
Can I talk to you a minute?

Oh, sure, benson.

Listen, thank you so much

For letting us have
Your apartment last night.

I'm sorry about your toe.

Well, that's not
What I want to talk about.

Oh, is it
The dirty glasses?

We meant to clean up,
But we just forgot.

Well, no, uh,
It's about senator tyler.

I understand you invited him
To the meeting tonight.

Yeah. We want to patch up
Some political fences.

Did you promise him
A public apology?

I didn't promise.

I sort of indicated that,

During my speech tonight,
That might be possible.

But what do you have
To apologize for?

Betty did
Throw a drink on him.

Two drinks,
For that matter,

But I still don't see
What you have to apologize for.

Is he going to apologize to her
For the things he said?

Betty doesn't expect an apology.
The senator does.

I don't believe
I'm hearing all this.

Neither do I.

Betty, I didn't know
You were there.

I'm sorry.

You don't have to apologize
To me, gene,

And you don't have to
Apologize for me.

Wait just a minute, betty.
I don't think you understand.

If I felt I owed the senator
An apology,

I'd have done it myself.

Well, I should be
Getting back to my office.

Wait a minute.

Benson, you brought
This whole thing up.

Now, you tell her --
She's got it all wrong.

Well, I'm not
Telling her anything,

Not while she's wearing
That tool belt.

No, gene.
You've got it all wrong.

See you around, benson.

Goodbye, gene.

I know
What you're thinking.

I'm not thinking anything.

You think I'm weak,
Don't you?

What difference does it make
What I think?

It makes a great deal
Of difference to me.

As a friend, I want you
To tell me what you think.

All right.
I think you've blown it.

You've let clayton, tyler,
And some stupid gossip column

Dictate your feelings
About betty.

I don't think that's right.

You know
What your problem is, benson?

You don't know when
To keep your nose

Out of other people's
Business.

But I do know when to get my
Tail out of the ringer.

She's out
Of my life, benson.

Let's not
Talk about that, governor.

I can't even eat.

Every time
I open the refrigerator,

I see betty's face.

Well, send out for pizza.

How do you want me
To introduce you?

Let's face it, benson.
I'm a spineless weakling.

"Ladies and gentlemen,
A spineless weakling."

Uh, it's time
To introduce the governor.

Are you ready?

Oh, why not?

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen,

If I could have your attention
For a moment, please.

It is now my great pleasure
To introduce

Our keynote speaker
For the evening,

The governor of
The great state --

Benson.
Yeah?

Stall.
I'll be right back.

Hold it.
Where are you going?

I remember the first day
I met the governor.

He was just beginning his term.

The legislature
Was challenging him.

The press was raking him
Over the coals.

The mood throughout the land,
To say the least, was somber.

As I entered his office,
It was a great...

But enough
Of this chitchat...

About the governor.

Let's get down to some
Cold, hard, personal details.

He's '".

He enjoys fishing,
And he's a sagittarius.

Dubois, you're boring!
Where's the governor?

The chair recognizes
Senator tyler.

I'm sure
You all recognize him.

He's the balding boob
In the bow tie.

I didn't come here
To be insulted.

Where do you usually go?

You're gonna
Have to be nice to me

If you expect
My cooperation.

I don't
Expect your cooperation.

Nobody expects
Your cooperation

Because you are
An uncooperative little snot

Who only cares
About his own importance.

Uh, uh, I-I--

I assure you, senator,

Benson's opinion
Is entirely his own.

Which is more
Than I can say for you.

You're right.
He's a snot.

We're back.
Sorry we took so long.

Here he is,
Ladies and gentlemen.

My pleasure to introduce
A man of honor --

Governor gene gatling.

Thank you, benson.

Now, before I begin,
I would like to introduce my --

Well, my girlfriend, I guess --
Betty braxton.

[ applause ]

Senator tyler, would you
Join us at the podium?

My pleasure.

Senator tyler
Came here this evening

Expecting a public apology,

And I think this is
The perfect time for it.

Senator, would you
Apologize to betty,

Or should I get her
A glass of punch?

You're not getting
Any apology from me.

Oh, yeah?

Well, as my colleague
Benson dubois would say --

What would you say,
Benson?

This is the kind of stunt that's
Gonna cost you my support.

Senator...

Your support
Is about as welcome

As a skunk
In a space shuttle.