Morning, kraus.
Good morning.
So, benson! Benson!
What fascinating things
Have you done this morning?
Well, I hate to admit it, kraus,
But, so far, you're it.
Oh, come on, benson.
I need anecdotes
For my book.
Book? You're trying to write
A book again?
Ja, ja.
This is a day-by-day account
Of my life here at the mansion.
That's a good idea.
You can call it "Princess lazy."
I can come up
With my own title.
What I need are some
Spicy stories from you --
A little sex,
A little v*olence.
Well,
I'd certainly be willing
To slap you around a bit
If it'll help.
Why am I wasting my time
On you?
I don't know.
I try to discourage it.
[ sighs ]
Pete: oh! Benson.
I got an interview
For you.
With whom?
Cityview magazine.
What do they want to
Talk about --
Philosophy of economics?
Government?
Well, actually,
They're more interested
In your favorite movies,
Favorite restaurants,
What turns you on,
What turns you off.
What are you talking about?
You have been selected
Bachelor of the month.
Bachelor of the month?
That's kind of dumb,
Isn't it?
Oh, I don't know.
People like to hear
Personal things
About their government
Representatives.
Well, okay. Set it up.
I already have.
Without my permission?!
Yeah!
The reporter will be here
In minutes.
We'll meet in your office.
Bachelor of the month.
You lucky dog!
I never get anything
Like that.
Except one time in college,
I was elected spinach king.
Benson?
Hmm?
The photographer
From the magazine is here.
Oh, for crying out loud.
Listen, denise,
That photographer --
If he's in here
More than five minutes,
I want you to make up
An excuse
And get me
Out of this office.
Gotcha.
You can come in now.
Hi. Kerry brooks.
How do you do?
[ mumbling ]
Hmm?
She's...
So, you're
The photographer?
Mm-hmm.
Remember, you have a meeting
In five minutes.
Yeah -- wait, wait!
Listen, I don't want to take up
Too much of your time.
Well, there's no rush.
I want you to get
Some good pictures.
Thanks.
That'll make this much easier.
Sure,
You got a job to do,
And I'd like to make it
As pleasant as possible.
Okay.
Now, let's see.
What am I gonna do
With you?
[ laughs ]
You got any suggestions?
Well, why don't I just
Put myself in your hands?
That'd be
My first suggestion.
Come over here by me.
Good, good.
Very good.
Sit on the edge
Of your desk.
Mm-hmm.
That's it.
Face that way.
Oh, that's good.
All right.
Face that way.
Oh, that's a good face, too.
[ laughs ]
All right,
Let me get you in focus.
All right, give me a kind of
"This is my domain" look.
[ laughs ]
[ camera shutter clicks ]
Wait a minute!
I wasn't ready.
That's okay.
These are candid.
All right,
Give me that look again.
Okay.
[ camera shutter clicking ]
Oh, this is great.
You know,
This is very embarrassing.
Oh, don't be.
You're looking good.
You really look hot.
[ chuckles ] well,
That helped to ease the pain.
[ telephone rings ]
Excuse me.
[ camera shutter clicking ]
Hello.
Hi. I know it hasn't been
Five minutes yet,
But are you ready
To throw her out?
Well, insofar as our
Original plan is concerned...
Scrap it.
So, where were we?
Well, I'd like to get
A couple sh*ts of you outside
If you've got the time.
Time?
Of course I've got the time.
Benson?
The governor wants to see you.
Not now, denise.
But he was pretty insistent
On seeing you.
I told you
To scrap the plan.
Benson --
Do-do-do-do-do!
Listen, I don't want to
Interfere with your work.
Oh, forget about that.
It wasn't important.
Let me ask you something.
Are you married?
No.
Neither am I.
I know.
We rarely use a married man
As bachelor of the month.
Right.
So, I'm single,
And you're single,
And I can't think of
A single reason
Why we shouldn't
Have dinner together.
Are you asking me out
For tonight?
Tonight would be fine.
Okay, I accept.
Good. Let's go outside
And get the pictures,
And we can work out
The details.
Sounds good.
[ humming ]
Okay, if you won't come to me,
I'll come to you.
Ah, look, kerry,
We'll have to work out
The details for dinner later.
Right now, I'm in
An enormous amount of trouble.
[ laughing ]
Listen to this.
"Dubois is a charming bachelor
With an impish wit
And his own sense of style."
[ chuckles ] makes me sound
Like a well-dressed elf.
It's a good picture.
Yeah, I'd give you
About an .
I wouldn't give him
More than a ,
Und half of that
Goes to his tailor.
I'd give you a ,
Kraus.
You would?
You think I'm that attractive?
Nein, schweinelippen,
Nein.
Cute.
Oh, benson,
I'm glad I found you!
You know you've gotten over
calls since
What are you
Talking about?
The article. Women have been
Calling you all morning.
Hey, don't say
I never did you a favor.
What women?
Oh, sylvia, robin, paula,
Christine,
Stacey, paula again,
Sheri, jackie,
Jeanie,
Paula, paula, paula --
Man,
You hit the jackpot!
What do you mean
"The jackpot"?
All these women!
Not that I'm interested.
But if
I were single...
[ gasps ]
Not that I want to
Be...Uh...Uh...
Ooh, look at the time.
I'd better get back
To my office.
See, I told you
You were an .
I'm gonna go show this
To the kids at school.
[ laughing ]
All these women calling me.
I can't wait
To tell kerry.
She'll get a big kick
Out of it.
Oh, benson, if you don't mind
A little advice --
I wouldn't tell kerry
About these phone calls.
Yeah, you're asking
For big trouble.
Oh, pooh. We've been going
Together for about a month now.
She knows me by now.
[ laughing ]
You really don't think
I should mention it, huh?
Nein, schweinelippen,
Nein.
Cute.
Burn these, denise.
[ laughing ]
That dinner was fabulous.
Where did you ever
Find this place?
It was right here.
You haven't said anything
About your article.
It came out today,
You know.
Yeah, I know.
Well, I thought the photo
Made me look great,
But the article
Made me sound dumb.
You didn't sound dumb.
I thought you came across
As, um, very charming.
Thanks to
A very talented photographer.
A couple girls in the office
Said they'd give you an .
An ?
What do you have to do
To get a in this town?
You're a with me.
Thank you.
I do have to tell you
Something funny
That happened as a result
Of the article.
You'll get a big kick
Out of this.
What?
Yeah, when I got to work
This morning,
There were or
Phone messages from women.
[ laughs ]
Really?
Well, yeah, uh...
Well, they were just
Phone messages, you know.
Messages...
With their phone numbers?
I b*rned them all.
Good thinking.
Hi.
I hope I'm not bothering you.
I bet you go through this
All the time --
Being with a famous person.
I was just reading about you.
Oh, well,
That's very nice.
Could I have
Your autograph?
Well, sure, sure.
Just sign right here.
Do you have a pen?
Yeah. [ laughing ]
Yeah.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, will you look at this?
Even his handwriting
Is sexy.
[ laughing ]
Would you believe that?!
An autograph!
[ laughing ]
Well, I'm sorry, ladies.
My pen is out of ink.
My pen.
Her pen.
Come on, sweetheart,
Let's go.
That's just
The appetizer.
If you want the main course,
Call this number.
And don't let your sister
See it.
Well, I have never seen
Anything like that.
That's the first time that's
Ever happened to me in my life.
She just wrote her number
Right in the palm of my hand.
Will you relax?
Actually,
I have a splitting headache,
And I just want to go.
Come on, kerry.
Let's go dancing.
As a matter of fact,
Why don't you wait here
In case you missed anyone?
I'll take a cab.
Whatever happened
To her sense of humor?
Good morning, kraus.
Oh, benson,
I finally found the hook
That will make my book
A best seller.
Yeah? Which one was it --
Sex or v*olence?
It's going to be
A how-to book.
Then we know
It's not sex.
It's bigger than sex.
It's power.
The key to power
Is management.
I'm going to call my book
"The kraus principle."
I want you to ask
Your girlfriend, kerry,
To take my picture
For the cover.
Yeah?
You'll have to
Ask her yourself.
Uh-oh.
What happened?
Nothing happened.
Slight misunderstanding.
Did you have a fight
With that lovely person?
No,
We didn't have a fight.
In fact, right up to the minute
She walked out on me,
I was having
A wonderful time.
Oh, hi, benson.
Sorry I'm late.
Had to stop at the post office
To pick up your mail.
That article's made you
A popular guy.
[ gasps ]
What, all this is for me?
Oh, that's nothing.
[ sighs ]
I'll go get the rest.
What "Rest"?
How much mail did I get?
Four bags!
Phew!
What is that smell?
It's perfume.
This is all from women!
[ giggling ]
Listen to this.
"Dearest benny...
"I am '", pounds,
--."
"Please consider me your toy.
Love, angela."
Holy smokaronios!
This one shows you a picture.
Look at that.
Oh, my goodness.
What is that she's on --
A pool table?
Hi, everybody.
What's going on?
This being
Bachelor of the month
Has brought some
Interesting results.
How do you mean
"Interesting"?
Check this out.
My grandfather had a pool table
Just like that.
That's the end of it.
The inside of my car smells
Like a french bordello.
How would you know?
I've seen movies.
What do you want us to do
With all this mail?
Let's just get rid of it.
This has caused me
Enough trouble already.
Is that why she walked out
On you again?
Who walked out
On him?
Kerry.
No!
When did this happen?
Just last night.
I thought you liked her.
He does like her.
So why did he start
A fight with her?
Hey, guys.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I'll be in my office.
Once you all solve my love life,
Start on my income taxes.
Carry on.
[ all talking ]
[ door opens ]
Hi, benson.
Could you autograph
These magazines for me?
How many you got,
Sugar?
-- are for the girls
In my class,
And one's for mrs. Rupert,
My gym teacher.
Katherine. Benson.
Clayton. Clayton.
Well, well, well.
I heard you got a few letters.
Told you
That would happen.
A few?
He got four bags of letters
From women.
Four bags?
When I was mr. April,
All I got was letters.
I thought you told me
You got mountains of mail.
I lied. Sue me.
Okay, that's the last
Of them, katie.
Thanks, benson.
See you later.
All right, sugar.
Hi. Remember me?
Oh, hi, kerry.
Come on in.
Listen,
About last night --
No, no, no, no, no.
Me first.
I kind of overreacted.
Forgive me?
Oh, there's nothing
To forgive.
It was
A silly situation.
Right.
And I want you to know
That your behavior
Was perfectly
Understandable.
What do you mean?
Well, I mean,
A man like you
Usually doesn't get that kind of
Attention from women.
What is that
Supposed to mean?
Well, I mean, you're not
A movie star or anything.
Well, I don't sit
At home alone, either.
Uh-huh.
What does that mean?
Well, I've escorted a few
Beautiful women in my time.
What do you do?
Keep a list?
I mean that I've dated
Quite a few women in my time,
And I've never heard
Any complaints.
We go from "A few"
To "Quite a few"?
Oh, come on, kerry.
Now, this is
A ridiculous discussion.
Let's go to lunch.
No, thank you.
And if you want companionship
For lunch,
Why don't you call
Miss main course
From dinner last night?
Oh, judas priest,
What is it with that woman?
Now,
As I understand it,
The kraus principle
Of management
Is "He who hesitates
Has lost."
Ja, that's it.
You got to jump into
The frying pan with both feet.
Did kerry
Come through here?
Ja.
Which way did she go?
To your office.
No, after that.
Did you have
Another fight?
Oh, forget this.
Goodness, they certainly have
A stormy relationship.
Excuse me, governor.
Hi, gretchen.
Oh, hi, kerry.
I'm lost.
Can you tell me how to get
To the front door?
Oh, sure.
Go right through that door,
And it's down the hall
On the right,
And it's the second door
On the left.
That's a dining room.
[ chuckling ]
Oh, I'm sorry.
The third door
On the left.
That's a closet.
I know
It's down there somewhere.
You know,
Come to think of it,
I haven't been that way
In a long time.
Uh, did you know
Benson's looking for you?
Well, I'm sure
If he doesn't find me,
He'll find somebody else.
Did you have
Another fight?
It wasn't about those
Four bags of mail, was it?
Four bags of mail?
Uh, governor --
Now, listen,
Benson is not responsible
For anything the women
Send him through the mail.
Okay, I'm applying
The kraus principle here.
Governor...Butt out.
Kerry...Listen up.
Now, you know,
Benson is very fond of you.
If you mess up
This relationship,
You are a fool!
Me mess it up?
He's the one messing it up.
Und you are going to
Let him get away with this?
No!
No, I'm not.
Und?
Und...
I'm good for him.
So?
So...
I am gonna go up to his office
And work this out.
Good girl!
[ sighs ]
Tell me more about
The kraus principle.
Hi.
You're sitting
In my chair.
Come join me.
What are you doing here?
You didn't call.
Well, to tell you
The truth, miss --
Paula.
Miss paula,
I am currently seeing someone.
And I appreciate your interest,
But, well, c'est la vie.
I usually get my way.
[ softly ]
I'm sure you do.
[ normal voice ] uh, I don't
Want to get tough, miss paula,
But if you do not
Leave the premises immediately,
I will have to
Call security.
Security.
Just give in, baby.
Benson -- ooh!
Ooh! Ooh!
Ooh! Benson!
Uh, benson...
Benson!
What?
Kerry's outside.
Uh...Stall her.
Stall her.
Right.
Mnh-mnh! Ah, uh...
Whoo!
Uh, miss paula,
What would I have to do
To convince you
To hide in the bathroom?
Hmm...
Promise you'll be here
When I come out.
I promise.
Okay.
[ chuckling ]
Okay, yes.
[ laughs ]
Hidesy, hidesy, hidesy.
Ah, kerry!
I didn't expect to see you here.
We got to talk.
Good idea.
Let's talk out here.
Benson, this is private.
Oh, brother.
Well, listen,
Since we're going to talk,
Why don't we
Go to lunch?
I'm not hungry.
Well, why don't we go
For a walk?
Benson, sit down.
Now, listen for a minute.
Mm-hmm?
We both said
Some pretty stupid things.
Yes, we did.
Well, I'm glad that's resolved.
What do you want to do?
Benson,
What's wrong with you?
Nothing, nothing.
[ crash ]
What was that?
Uh...Loud noise.
Is there someone
In your bathroom?
Mmm, well, uh...
Yes.
There's an attractive woman
In my bathroom.
Why?
Why?!
You certainly know how to ask
The difficult questions.
I suppose because
She's sort of attracted to me.
Are you attracted
To her?
No!
No, no, no, no.
No, no, not at all.
You're not attracted
To me?
No.
You're not attracted
To her?
Well, she's...
[ chuckling ] nice to look at,
But I mean...
She's not my type.
You are.
[ sighs ]
You know, benson,
You've turned out to be
A real disappointment.
He is not a disappointment to me
In any way.
Let her be disappointed.
He has a lot of
Marvelous qualities.
He's dull.
That's it -- dull.
Dull, dull, dull.
Uninspiring, boring.
And besides,
I find him very sexy.
Oh, now, I never said
He wasn't sexy.
Yeah, well, hey,
I'm glad we agree on something.
Let's part friends.
Goodbye, paula.
Bye, paula.
[ chuckles ]
You came so close to paradise.
So, I suppose you want
A full explanation?
No.
I just want a big kiss.
You're gonna get it.