Here's benson-- give him some of
Your broccoli bread, miss kraus.
No, fortunately for me,
I have a physical this morning,
And I can't eat anything
For hours.
Physical?
Don't you feel well?
I'm in perfect health.
I just want a couple of doctors
To tell me I'm right.
I hope they find a cure
For your chronic grouchiness.
Oh, there's a cure, all right,
But it involves a sh*t.
So, roll up your sleeve
And take it like a man.
I'm not the one
They'd have to sh**t.
You know, this reminds me
Of an amusing little anecdote
Concerning
An acquaintance of mine.
[ clears throat ]
He had a whole
Battery of tests,
And they assured him
He was in perfect health.
[ laughs ]
Two days later,
He dropped dead while
Playing golf with his doctor.
Thank you,
Mr. Funny pants.
I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Yeah, say hello
To dr. Phillips.
Oh, I'm not seeing him.
They referred me to
The university medical center.
Oh, wait a minute.
I need a lift.
They don't do
That kind of work.
I want to check out
The new shopping mall
Near the university.
Oh, what's wrong
With your car?
The mechanic says
I have a cracked head.
I could have
Told you that.
And it says here you've been
Vaccinated against polio.
Yes.
What about rubella?
He's my third cousin.
Oh, that's funny.
How about smallpox?
No relation.
Yeah, I've been vaccinated
Against all that stuff.
Fine.
If you'll just get undressed.
I have to prove it?
Fine.
We'll wait for the doctor.
Good morning,
Mr. Dubois.
I'm dr. Burnett.
Nurse,
Why isn't he undressed?
He was waiting
Until you got here.
Ahh.
Well, I didn't mean it
Like it sounds.
I thought you were a man.
I just assumed
You were a man.
How wrong I was.
Would you be more comfortable
Being examined by a male doctor?
No, I'm perfectly happy
To have you examine me.
Well, I don't mean you
Specifically -- any woman.
I mean, well...
Not any woman.
She'd have to be a doctor,
You know what I mean?
Or a male doctor.
Well, any doctor,
For that matter, can examine me.
Not a dentist.
Are you following
Any of this?
I've heard it all before.
Did you bring your gym clothes?
Yes.
Why don't we get along
With the stress test first,
And then we'll get to the poking
And prodding later?
"Poking and prodding" --
That sounds like fun.
Just step behind the curtain,
Please, and get changed.
Okay.
[ sighing ] hmm.
Hey, blood!
What I don't understand,
Doctor,
Is if you're going to see
Everything god gave me,
Why do I have to step
Behind this screen?
Oh, it's purely a matter
Of professional ethics.
It preserves
The patient's dignity,
And it helps the doctor
To keep a straight face.
Good.
'cause if you giggle,
I'm out of here.
[ machine beeping ]
Oh, that's very good.
You took an exceptional
Amount of stress...
For a man your age.
Really?
You're too kind.
Why don't you just
Sit down over here?
We're gonna see
What your heart rate does.
Okay,
You're the doctor.
Do you have
Any specific complaints --
Nausea, dizziness,
Headaches?
I get a few headaches, but,
Then, I work for the government.
What about exercise?
No, thanks.
I've had more than my share.
Do you get any?
That's a rather personal
Question, don't you think?
Mr. Dubois, are you trying
To impress me
With your sense of humor?
No.
Is it working?
[ machine beeping ]
Well, your heart rate's
Back down to normal.
I don't see
How that's possible.
[ knock on door ]
Miss kraus:
Benson, are you in there?
[ machine beeping rapidly ]
My goodness.
Are you all right?
No, it's just
The kraus syndrome.
There you are, benson.
When are we going home?
Oh,
Is this your wife?
[ machine beeping rapidly ]
I am not
Anybody's wife.
And that's a condition
Which is not likely to change.
I thought you were
Having a physical.
Where's the doctor?
Oh, I'm dr. Burnett.
And you are?
Oh, how do you do?
I'm gretchen kraus,
A friend of benson.
I thought you had
Some shopping to do.
I'm through shopping.
They're not selling anything
But torn sweatshirts.
I'm not paying $ for something
I wouldn't use as a rag.
Isn't that the truth?
You can't find
Anything decent anymore.
Actually,
I know --
Kraus, do you mind?
I'm trying to get a physical
Here, babe.
How much longer
Are you going to be?
It should be
About an hour.
What am I gonna do
For an hour?
Why don't you go down to the lab
And visit your brain?
Mary, why don't you
Disconnect the leads?
I'll be back
In just a few minutes.
Ow!
Benson, benson.
Ow!
Ooh!
That doctor
Is a knockout.
You're telling me?
So,
Did you ask her out?
No, she left on her own.
You know what I mean.
Benson, she's beautiful.
She's smart and,
Best of all, a doctor.
Oh, everyone would be
So proud und happy
If you landed a doctor.
Everyone would be so proud
And happy if you just landed.
Okay,
Let's get started.
I'll go downstairs
And wait in the lobby.
Which way
Is the elevator?
Save time.
Take the window.
Oh, doctor,
By the way,
Don't be surprised if benson
Asks you out to dinner.
Oh.
Are you going to
Ask me out to dinner?
Uh, well, uh...
Yes, if...
You're available.
Well...Might be fun.
How about tonight?
Will you let me
Handle this?
How about tonight?
Sounds fine.
You'll be sorry.
Ah, kraus, uh, I have to go
To a meeting at the capitol
In a few minutes.
So what do you want --
A bon voyage party?
Dr. Burnett will be calling with
The results from my lab tests.
I'd like you
To do me a favor.
Take the message and tell her
I'll call her back.
Yeah, sure.
[ singsong voice ]
Benson?
[ singsong voice ]
Clayton?
Well, who was that lady
I saw you with last night?
That was no lady.
That was my doctor.
Heh heh heh.
Well, she may be a doctor,
But you were the one
Doing all the operating.
Heh heh heh.
Clayton, please,
A little respect.
Mm-hmm.
She must have one hell
Of a bedside manner.
Your beak just wandered
Into dangerous territory.
Whoo.
Touchy, touchy, touchy.
[ chuckles ]
Must be serious.
[ clears throat ]
Miss kraus.
[ telephone ringing ]
What is the matter with you?
Are you too good
To answer the phone?
Yes.
Hello?
Hello.
Is benson there, please?
This is dr. Burnett calling.
Oh, sorry, doctor.
No, benson had to leave
To go to a meeting.
He was very anxious
About his lab results.
Can I have him
Call you back?
No, um...
I'll be in surgery all day.
Do you have a number
Where I could reach him?
No, I don't.
Is there something wrong?
Um...
Well, I-I really
Need to talk to benson.
Uh, can you tell him,
Please,
To meet me in my office
At : tonight?
It's very important.
Thank you.
Oh!
Miss kraus?
[ sobbing ]
Miss kraus,
What's wrong?
It's benson!
I can't help it
If the man doesn't like you.
No, no.
That's not it.
That was the doctor
With benson's lab results.
And?
Und she was crying.
She was crying?
Ja,
It must be bad news.
Oh, I warned him
Not to have that physical.
Ja, und now it's too late!
Oh! He -- he's a goner!
[ sobbing ]
Oh, uh, miss kraus.
[ sniffling ]
Hey, miss kraus.
Guess what?
What is it, liebchen?
I made the finals
For the cheerleading squad.
Oh, that's wonderful,
Katie.
Do you want
To hear my cheer?
Oh, sure.
Bury 'em! Bury 'em!
Dig a hole and bury 'em!
Six...Feet...Deep!
Yay!
[ sobbing ]
Miss kraus,
What's wrong?
Oh, nothing, liebchen.
[ voice breaking ]
That was such a charming cheer.
Miss kraus, I --
Oh, uh --
Hi, there, katie.
Uh [clears throat]
Miss kraus, um...
Have you broken the news
To benson yet?
Why should I be the one
To break the news?
Break what news?
Oh, uh...
[ chuckles ]
Nothing to worry your pretty
Little head about, katie.
So, uh, miss kraus,
Have you heard anything more
From the, uh...
D-o-c-t-o-r?
Clayton...
What?
...That was s-t-u-p-I-d.
Why, I thought I'd never
Get out of that meeting.
Ah, benson.
Benson, benson, benson.
What is his problem?
Um, who knows?
Did dr. Burnett call
With the results of my lab test?
Uh, j-ja...
She did.
Well,
What'd she say?
What am I --
Your personal answering machine?
Don't bite my head off.
I'll call her myself.
Oh, wait.
You can't.
She's going to be
In surgery all day.
Uh, she wanted you to meet her
At her office at : tonight.
She say why?
Well, she said
She had some news
That she didn't want to tell you
On the telephone.
I wonder what it was about.
I got a date with her at :.
What kind of news
Couldn't wait two hours?
Well, who knows?
Well, she didn't say
It was bad news, right?
So maybe it's good news.
Ja!
Ja, that's right.
That was probably
Why she was crying.
Huh?
She was crying?
Oh, just a little.
[ chuckles ]
Poor benson.
What is it with her?
She acts like
It's the end of the world.
You are the bravest guy
I ever knew.
Benson?
Yes, sir.
I'm afraid the doctor is gonna
Break the news this evening.
Ohh!
[ knock on door ]
Hi, guys.
Oh, benson.
There you are.
Nice of you to drop by,
Benson.
I'm not dropping by.
I came here for a meeting.
Oh, yeah, right.
Have a seat, benson.
Well, thank you.
You fellas comfortable?
Yeah.
Hmm.
How you doing,
Benson?
Doing fine.
Yeah, fine.
You sure?
Fine.
All right, good.
Fine.
Shouldn't we
Get on with the meeting?
Fine.
Uh, fine.
I, uh, spoke to senator andrews,
And I am sorry to report
That he is very negative about
The bill in its present form.
Oh, that is the worst news
I've heard all day.
Well, not the worst.
What?
Well, benson,
I-I guess it's obvious.
We know.
I was there
When the doctor called.
Ohh, that.
Well, I guess she's got
A little bad news for me,
But how bad could it be?
You know, my blood pressure's
Probably kicking up.
Yeah,
That's probably it.
She'll put me on medication.
That'll be the end of it.
Right...Uh...Shouldn't we
Get back to the meeting?
Yes, yes.
I'm sure benson
Would have wanted it that way.
What do you mean, "Benson would
Have wanted it that way"?
I'm right here.
Uh, so I spoke
With senator andrews,
And he's very concerned about
The highway-expansion bill.
Oh, well,
I'm not surprised.
I have been
Having these headaches.
I figured, you know, it's just
The pressure of the job.
Well, that's probably it.
I get headaches all the time.
Clayton gives them to me.
Don't you, clayton?
Yes, sir,
All the time.
And my memory isn't as good
As it used to be.
When did that start?
I can't remember.
That happened
To my aunt sadie.
She started forgetting things
Near the...
...End.
Of course, that isn't
What k*lled her.
Well,
In a way it was.
She forgot to look both ways
Crossing the street,
And a truck full
Of frozen chickens got her.
Well, I guess we just
Have to accept it.
Someday each of us will come
Face-to-face with that...
Frozen-chicken truck.
I, uh -- I think
Benson's absolutely right.
We all have to face it.
It's gonna happen to all of us.
I-I think about death
Every day.
I do, too.
But, you know,
Death is like the weather.
Everybody talks about it, but
Nobody does anything about it.
I often wonder
If I'll have friends up there.
Probably not.
See, he's making
Jokes about it.
That's good.
It means he's accepted it.
I've accepted nothing.
And you shouldn't.
If I were you,
I would approach this
Just the way john wayne
Always did in his movies.
John wayne?
Yeah!
With the duke,
You always knew
That no matter
How rough things got,
He would come through
In the end.
Yeah, that's true.
He did get out
Of some pretty tight spots.
There were times
Nobody ever thought
He could
Make it through alive.
He always did!
Uh, wait a minute.
What about "The alamo"?
He didn't survive that.
Well, as far as I know, nobody
Survived "The alamo," fool.
"The alamo."
I forgot about that.
He sure made it through "The
High and the mighty," though.
♪ I was high and mighty ♪
Ah, but he d*ed at the end
Of "The cowboys," didn't he?
That's right!
I forgot that.
I never realized
How many times he d*ed.
Yeah, but he made it
Through "The longest day."
Oh, red buttons didn't.
[ chuckles ]
Eddie albert didn't.
Practically all of those
German actors bought the farm.
[ humming ]
♪ and mighty ♪
[ whistling ]
If you guys are gonna sing,
I'm going back to my office.
[ both humming ]
[ as john wayne ]
See you later, pilgrims.
I just don't know
How I'm gonna tell him.
Why don't you just
Say it straight-out?
Oh, sure.
What am I supposed to say?
Benson,
It's been a glorious week,
And you're a wonderful man, and,
Oh, by the way, I'm married.
Why don't you just tell him
You can't see him anymore?
No, it's gone
Much too far for that.
He deserves
To know everything.
You think you and mark are gonna
Be able to work things out?
I don't know.
I would just at least like
To give it a chance.
[ knock on door ]
Good luck.
Thanks.
Hi, benson.
I'm gonna miss you.
Hi.
Come on in.
[ sighs ]
Yeah, well, kraus said
That you wanted to see me.
Yeah, I needed
To talk to you in private.
Benson, I just --
I wanted to tell you how much
This past week has meant to me.
It's meant a lot to me, too.
Next week would mean even more.
You're a very warm
And loving man,
Which makes it
Much more difficult
For me to say
What I have to say.
Why don't you
Sit down?
It's all right, liz.
I can take it.
Life is just
Too damn short!
[ sighs ]
On second thought, maybe
We better just ease into it.
If only we had met
A few years ago.
You mean we might have
Caught it in time?
Oh, I don't know.
It's just --
Well, the timing
Is all wrong.
Benson,
I'm gonna miss you a lot.
I'm gonna miss me, too.
Isn't there
Anything we can do?
No...
Just try to forget,
I guess.
Try to forget?
That's not gonna be easy.
Well, it's not
Gonna be easy for me, either.
Be a hell of a lot easier
For you than for me.
Be serious.
I'm deadly serious.
I mean, this is my life
I'm talking about.
When will it end?
[ sighs ]
Benson, when you walk
Out of this office, that's it.
It's gonna be all over.
What if I stayed?
That's not gonna
Change anything.
It's better for both of us
This way.
How in the hell
Do you figure that?
I've got
No future with you!
Okay, okay, okay.
What's wrong with me?
Oh, it's not you,
It's me.
You?
You trying to tell me
I caught something from you?
I don't think you know
What I'm talking about.
I'm married.
So you're married.
What's that got to do
With what we're talking about?
Well, that's what I've been
Trying to tell you.
That's it?!
You're married?!
I'm not gonna die?!
Die?
Whatever gave you that idea?
Well, you -- you said,
Uh, it was bad news!
Well,
I thought it was.
Well, it is, in a way,
But, you know,
It's not as bad
As I thought.
Doesn't it
Bother you anymore
That I'm not gonna be able
To see you again?
Oh, sweetheart,
Yeah, yeah.
You're a wonderful woman.
I'm totally depressed.
Let's go celebrate.
Aren't you listening to me?
I'm married.
That's wonderful.
Bring your husband.
This is not the type of response
That I was expecting.
Liz, liz. Ohh.
The fact that I'm gonna lose you
Breaks my heart,
But the good news is,
My heart can take it.