06x04 - The Campaign

[bunniefuu]

[ birds chirping ]

[ door opens ]

[ sighs ]

Where's benson?

Did he really throw
His hat in the ring?

You know, I've never actually
Seen benson wear a hat.

Pete, please.
Governor, what's going on?

All right,
Calm down, everybody.

I'll tell you
Exactly what happened.

The first thing that happened
Was benson got in the limo,

In the back, with me.

And then we discussed
Senator chapman's meeting.

[ chuckling ]
That is to say,

We made jokes about
Senator's chapman's toupee.

Benson calls it his rug.

That kills me.

[ laughs ]

Uh [clears throat] sir,

Do you think we could just cut
To the heart of the matter?

Is benson running for
Lieutenant governor

Or is he not?

What's all this?

I want a straight answer,
And I want it now.

Are you running for
Lieutenant governor or not?

Didn't you tell them?

I wish people would quit
Picking on me.

Okay,
Let's make it official.

As you know,
Lieutenant governor decker

Has been impeached
And removed from office.

That's going to create
A vacancy,

And I intend to fill
That vacancy.

Oh!

I still don't know
If he's running!

I'm running, I'm running.

Yahoo!

I got
The champagne.

I got the glasses.

I've got some bean dip
In my desk.

I hope it's in a can.

Well, do you want it or not?

Not! Not!
Not! Not!

Now, make no mistake.

This race is going to be
No picnic.

Your political opponent,
Senator tyler,

Knows every dirty trick
In the book.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to
The secretary of state's office

And file the papers.

Here's to our new
Lieutenant governor.

Hear! Hear! Hear! Hear!
Hear! Hear! Hear! Hear!

Now, I'd like to put in
My cents' worth.

My first
Campaign contribution.

[ laughter ]

Now, all joking aside, benson,
Deep in my political gut,

I have a notion that you can win
This election.

You bet he can.

And to help you
Attain that goal,

I hereby pledge myself
As your campaign manager.

Hear! Hear!
Hear! Hear!

Clayton, don't get yourself
All heated up.

Now, now, benson, I am not going
To take no for an answer.

Clayton, you are penurious,
Parsimonious,

Meanspirited,
Moneygrubbing, and venal.

What exactly are you
Trying to say, benson?

You're just the man
For the job.

What about me?

You're a good man, too,
But he asked first.

No, I mean,
I want to help, too.

But I have to be in charge of
Something, not just a grunt.

Fine, fine, you can be
In charge of scheduling.

Peter, you can handle
The press chores.

Denise, you can manage
The campaign headquarters.

What will I do?

You've already got a job.

I do?
You're the governor.

Oh, right.

We can't just stand
Around here.

We've got a campaign
To get rolling.

I'm going to get out
That press release.

Let's get cracking.

I'm going to call little petey,
Tell him the good news.

Benson, we're going to make
A great team.

Gee, I hope I'm doing
The right thing.

You'd make a fine
Lieutenant governor.

Well, I'm not worried
About that.

What is it, then?

It's having both kraus
And clayton on my side.

Good morning, governor.

Achtung, benson.

We have places to go
And people to see, so listen up.

Colonel kraus is
In charge of scheduling.

And it does not allow time
For small talk.

It doesn't allow time
For sleeping, either.

You can sleep
After you are in office.

Well, there's
A campaign slogan.

[ chuckles ]

Today we move into
Your campaign headquarters.

You will meet me in
The parking lot in seconds.

Somebody's got to tell
That woman

That running for office
Is just an expression.

[ chuckles ]

You know, this reminds me of
The first time I ran for office.

Oh, gee,
I only got seconds.

Well, this is
A pretty funny story.

It's about the guy
That talked me into politics

As a profession.

Mm-hmm.

Good old fdr.

Fdr?
Yeah.

What happened?

Well, no,
You better go ahead.

You don't want to keep
Miss kraus waiting.

Yes, I do.
Oh?

Yeah, roosevelt's always been
One of my favorites.

Roosevelt?
Yeah, fdr --

The guy that started you
In politics.

Not that fdr!

No, this fdr was a druggist
In my hometown.

[ chuckles ]

I used to work
At the fdr drugstore

Every day after school.

And it turned out
There was an opening

At senior-class president.

[ horn honks ]
Saved by the bell!

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, well, as I said before,
Governor, I guess this is it.

See you around...

Somewhere.

[ sighs ]

Benson,
You are not hearing me.

Yes, I am, clayton,
I'm hearing you,

And I have the headache
To prove it.

[ clears throat ]

Am I your trusted
Political adviser or what?

Worth lakewood has a reputation
As a political wheeler-dealer.

Right. So?

I don't want
That kind of individual

Connected
With this campaign.

I'm not meeting
With worth lakewood.

Worth lakewood influences
A lot of big contributors.

One word from him could put
This campaign in the black.

Yeah, but where will it put
The black in the campaign?

I give up.

[ sighs ]

Benson, did you see
The polls this morning?

No.
Good.

Oh, benson, you've got
A radio interview

At : tomorrow morning.

I'll pick you up at :.
We'll miss the traffic.

Yeah, by about three hours.

Listen up!

Tomorrow evening, you speak
At a dinner in walnut grove

For
Parents without partners.

Can I go without a date?

Initial this and put it
On my desk, schnell!

Oh, uh, listen, denise,

Send some flyers and posters
Over to mrs. Betts

In the teachers' union.

We can't, benson.
The printer called.

He said he'll vote for you,

But until you pay him
For the last order,

He can't send
Any more posters.

Why haven't we paid him?

If we pay him, we can't pay
The campaign workers.

But we need those posters.
We got to have publicity.

I keep telling you,
Benson,

It takes money to run
A campaign -- lots of it.

I know that, clayton,

But it is possible
To run a campaign

Without compromising
Your principles.

[ scoffs ]
Principles.

Meanwhile, what do you expect
Your campaign workers to do

When they find out
That you cannot pay them?

They are going to work
Harder than ever

Because they believe
In benson.

They don't mind waiting
For their paychecks.

[ scoffs ]
Come on.

Even you
Don't believe that.

I certainly do,
Und I will prove it.

All right, everybody,
Listen up right now!

Uh, kraus, kraus, I don't think
That this is the time to --

Don't worry
About it, benson.

Just leave this to me.
I can handle it.

Quiet, everyone, right now!

Kraus.

[ clears throat ]

Benson
Has something to say.

Thank you, gretchen.

Ladies and gentlemen,
First of all,

Let me say that I am
Very pleased

With the way
The campaign is going.

You're all doing
A wonderful job.

Now, we knew that this
Was going to be an uphill fight,

But so far, we've managed to
Keep our heads above water.

And we are going to come out
On top and win this election.

For as long as we believe
In what we're doing

And we stick together, uh,
Victory will not only be ours,

But it will also belong
To the people of this state.

[ cheering ]

We don't care
If we never get paid!

Hey, wait a minute.

Did you say we weren't
Going to get paid?

Well, actually, I was just
Getting to that.

Uh, to be sure, you know, we're
Always a little low on money,

So we won't be able to, uh,

Pay any of you this week.

Well,
What about next week?

Well, actually,
I was just getting to that.

We won't be able to pay
Any of you for quite a while.

But as long
As we stick together --

What, is it lunchtime
Or something?

Maybe it's better this way,
Benson.

Now you know
Who you can depend on.

I'd rather have found out
After the election.

Hmm, got no money,
Got no campaign workers,

Got to the bottom
Of the polls,

But as long as you got
Your principles,

You got it made.
[ chuckles ]

Miss kraus:
Now, wait a minute, clayton.

Just because nobody in
This state knows who benson is

And we hardly have enough money
To keep things going

And his chances of getting
Elected are practically zero

Doesn't mean you have to be
Such a gloomy gus.

Kraus, that's just
The kind of speech

That makes me glad
You're not my speechwriter.

Hey, don't pick on me.
I'm on your side.

Why, I'd give you
The shirt off my back.

Please, I'm depressed enough
Already.

Hi, guys.

Look, I got the kids in my art
Class to do a poster for benson.

That's splendid, liebling.

Would you hand me
Those mailing lists, please?
Sure.

Are you finished with
The carbon paper, pete?

Yeah. Be careful.
It's our last one.

You know,
I got to hand it to us.

Even though
We ain't got much money,

We're still getting
The job done.

Oh, hey, benson, I got to get
Approval on this press release.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'll read it
As soon as I catch my breath.

Give it to me.
I'll proof it.

Benson, I had a telegram

From the bay city
Ranchers' association.

I know, : luncheon,
-minute speech.

I know the schedule.

Not so fast,
Mr. Smart aleck.

They canceled.

Canceled?! Why?
Well --

Benson, we have
A little problem.

Wait a second.
I was the first problem.

Well, that's something
We all agree on.

Hey, look, everyone,
Benson's on the : news.

Oh, turn it up!

Man:
Benson dubois' lackluster bid

For the office
Of lieutenant governor

Appears to be grinding
To a screeching halt.

Meanwhile, in the northern part
Of the state,

The well-oiled
Tyler political machine

Chalked up
Another impressive showing.

At the bay city
Ranchers' association,

Tyler had this to say.

It's been my experience

That it takes two runners
To make it a race.

Unfortunately,

My opponent seems to be stuck
In the starting block,

Or maybe he hasn't found
His way out of the locker room.

[ chuckles ]

Somebody want to go
Take a look?

[ camera shutters clicking ]

That guy gives me
Gooseberries.

Hi, everybody.

Listen,
I tried to call you,

But the phone company said
You'd been disconnected.

Disconnected?
Didn't we pay the bill?

Well, sort of.

Well, we paid it,
But the check bounced.

We're broke --
Flat, busted, belly-up.

What about
The money I bor--

Gone.

That includes my $?
Gone.

We even spent the money
In the coffee kitty.

Hey, you know, you don't need
Money for everything.

I mean,
Look at these posters.

I got them for free.

"Vote for benson.
He's a neat guy."

[ chuckles ]
"Benson, a radical dude."

Well, thank the kids, katie.
That's very nice.

Okay.

Governor, can I speak
To you a minute?

Sure, benson.

Do you know this guy
Worth lakewood?

Only by reputation.

You think I'm being bullheaded
By not meeting with him?

Well, benson,
We both know

That politics is a matter
Of give and take,

And stubborn people
Don't get very far.

So you do think
I'm being bullheaded?

It wouldn't hurt
To hear him out.

You don't have to
Commit to anything.

Yeah, well, I guess
It wouldn't hurt.

Clayton?

Mm-hmm?

I guess I'll meet
With this lakewood guy.

You know, call him
And set it up.

I'll get right on it.

Uh, wait.

Remember -- and I mean this --
No deals.

Benson, benson, benson.

Let me handle this.

I'll just make a few calls.

[ clears throat ]

From somewhere else.

Uh, listen, everybody,

There's no reason to be
Concerned

About these minor setbacks.

Benson's
Absolutely right.

I've seen this happen
With many a campaign.

Of course,
All those people lost.

What I'm trying to say is,
If we all work hard,

We're bound to see the light
At the end of the tunnel.

In the meantime,
I guess we'll have to depend

On the light
At the end of the street.

And last spring,

My queen elizabeth rhododendrons
Blossomed two weeks early.

I can't tell you
What a surprise that was.

Yes, yes, yes, I can imagine.
[ chuckles ]

Uh, benson --
Oh, am I interrupting?

Oh, no, governor, no, no.
You know miss hotchkiss.

How do you do?

Uh, miss hotchkiss,

Why don't you tell the governor
About your poor begonias?

Yes, you'll get
A tear out of this.

Are you familiar
With the begonia family?

Well, now, you know, the name
Ruby begonia does ring a bell.

[ chuckles ]
Oh.

Clayton, when is this
Mr. Lakewood going to get here?

I'm starting to get cramps
In my mandibles.

Listen to me, benson.

Worth lakewood
Is a very important man

Who might make
A very big contribution,

But only if you remain
On your very best behavior.

[ imitating child ] if I'm
Very nice to mr. Lakewood,

Will he take us
To dairy queen after?

Uh-oh, oh, he's here.
Now, straighten up.

Let me fix your tie.

[ normal voice ]
Clayton, get away from me!

Uh, mr. Lakewood,
So good to see you.

Allow me to present
Benson dubois.

How do you do?

Well, it's a pleasure to meet
You at last, mr. Dubois.

I've been following
Your campaign.

Oh, so, you're the one.

[ chuckles ]

I was telling clayton
Just last sunday at the club,

"Dubois has the charisma,
The leadership qualities,

"And the guts to really
Go places in politics.

And I'm not just talking
Lieutenant governor either."

Exactly what he said --
Precise words.

Well, I certainly appreciate
Your confidence.

But I'm taking this
One campaign at a time.

Well, as far
As this one's concerned,

I think you can still
Pull it out.

We see a bright future
For you.

You're the best man
For my money.

Uh, how much of your money
Did you have in mind?

[ chuckles ]

Just a joke,
Just a little ha-ha.

Ha ha ha, ha ha.

[ clears throat ]

If you'll excuse me.

He's nothing like
His father.

He certainly isn't.

Oh, well,
Let's talk turkey, mr. Dubois.

Now, I know
That running a campaign

Can be an expensive
Undertaking.

Well, you'll get
No argument from me.

But I happen to be
In a position

Where I can raise a sizable
Amount of money for you --

Say, to the tune of
$,.

How does that sound?

Very musical.

It does have
A nice ring to it.

But just for
My own peace of mind,

Just why are you interested
In giving me this money?

Oh, now, wait a minute,
Mr. Dubois.

I'm not giving you
The money.

I'm investing it
In your candidacy.

Well, what I'm trying
To say is,

I certainly will accept
Your offer

If you're offering it
Because you believe in me

And the things I represent.

Oh, I'm certain we share
Some ideas about government.

Well, I'm not.

I'd like to know specifically
What you expect from me.

Now, you don't need me
To spell it out for you.

I mean,
You're an intelligent man.

Take the money.
Don't ask so many questions.

[ chuckles ]
Well, when you say,

"Don't ask many questions,"
That makes me nervous.

Now, you must understand.
If you don't, you're very naive.

Oh, I understand that one
Must make compromises,

But I just want to make sure

It's a compromise
That I can live with.

All right, let's just
Cut right to it, huh?

Here's how it works --

If you get elected,

You can accomplish some of
Those things you believe in.

If I help you get elected,

You can help me
Accomplish some things.

[ chuckles ]

But without my $,,
You can't even get elected.

So, what you're saying is,
If I take your money,

Somewhere down the line,
I owe you?

You can put it that way
If you like.

Well, it's a debt
I don't want to pay.

Oh, now, come on,
You must know the score.

If you don't owe me,
You'll owe somebody else.

It's been very nice
Talking to you.

Now, look, you,

How many chances is a guy
Like you going to get?

I beg your pardon.

Well, you're an unknown,
Underfinanced, black candidate.

You don't have
Many options.

I've got this option --

You can take your money,
Your politics,

And your big-sh*t attitude
And stuff them in a trash bag

Because you're
Talking garbage!

Don't give me that -- that
Holier-than-thou attitude.

You can't win this election
Without people like me, buddy.

Well, let me tell you
Something, buddy.

Until you start putting
The emphasis on caring

And forget about winning,

You're nothing but a boil
On the backside of democracy!

Good day!

Benson...

Man: and after mr. Dubois'
Public tirade,

He left the promenade hotel
Without comment to the press.

This ill-timed burst of temper
May prove to be the final blow

To a candidate who's had
His back against the ropes

From the start.

[ television turns off ]
Boy, did you see that?

He really lost his cool.

I don't think I've ever seen him
Look so angry.

You'd think he's a terrible
Person if you didn't know him.

Ja, and the voters
Don't know him.

Well, I don't care.

I'm still proud
To call him my friend.

Too bad we can't call him
Our next lieutenant governor.

Oh, hi, benson.

How you doing, buddy?

Well, not too good,
According to the late edition.

They say I'm finished.

Aw, don't worry about it.

Tomorrow they'll wrap fish
In that paper.

[ chuckles ]

Would you look
At that picture?

It makes me look like
A raving lunatic.

I'm not even sure
I'd vote for this guy.

I'm still going to
Vote for you.
Ditto.

You're the best man
For the job.

Ja, who needs
That jerk's money?

Have a delivery
For a benson dubois.

There you are.
Saw your picture in the paper.

Sign here.

Thanks.

You know, you don't look
Nearly as crazy in person.

[ door opens, closes ]

Thank you.

A towel?
A towel?

A note.

What does it say?

"In case you don't have one
To throw in -- tyler."

That jerk.

I'm going to go
Kick his tail.

Pete, pete!

[ door closes ]

Well, been a long day.
Why don't you guys go on home?

I'll lock up.

If you want some company,
I'll be happy to stay.

Ja, me too.

No, that's all right.

I'll -- I'll stay.
I'd really rather be alone.

Well, chin up,
You bozo.

It'll be okay.

Hang in there, friend.

[ chuckling ] okay.

Oh.

Hmm.

[ sniffles ]

Oh, yeah.

[ scoffs ]

Hmm.

Stupid.