06x06 - Made in Hong Kong: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Benson: are you sure you
Have the plane tickets, kraus?

Oh, get off my back,
Benson.

I made all the arrangements
For this trip without your help.

I don't
Need you butting in now.

Well, I'm just checking, kraus.
What is all this?

This is my luggage.

I wanted to be sure
I had something

For every occasion
In hong kong.

It looks to me
Like you've got something

For every citizen
In hong kong.

I don't know anything
About any charts, clayton.

What is all this?

Kraus is smuggling luggage
Out of the country.

Well, it's far too much.

Cut it down to two suitcases,
And make it snappy.

Who d*ed
And made you chief bellhop?

Where are my charts?

Why don't we leave
While he's out of the room?

I found my charts.
We can go to the airport.

What are these charts
You're so hopped up about?

They just happen to be
The visual representation

Of the projected production
Of silicon sand

Over the next few
Fiscal years --

In other words, the very
Backbone of our sales pitch.

Now let's get going.

Do you realize
That in about hours,

Clayton will be halfway
Around the globe

Boring the oldest culture
On earth?

We'll just humor him.

Otherwise, he'll sulk
The entire flight.

Come on, kraus. You're gonna
Miss all of hong kong.

[ bell rings ]

Here's an yves saint laurent
Evening dress.

We can copy it and sell it
For / of what he charges.

I don't like it.

We have a lovely
Pierre cardin -- original.

No, no, no.
Don't you understand?

I am tired of counterfeiting
Famous designers.

I want to
Have my own designs.

I want edy williams
To go to the oscars next year

In a van dyne original.

But, ursula,
You have no talent for design.

I know that.
But I have a plan.

I've discovered
That alexander chasseur

Is going to
Be in hong kong.

And he's going to have
His new dress designs with him.

Alexander chasseur?

Nobody has seen him.
He's a famous recluse.

Yes, but I have
A description of him.

He's a tall,
Thin man with an eccentric nose,

A mustache,
And an overbearing personality.

My information is that he'll be
Flying in this afternoon.

Now, you and kung meet
Every plane

That arrives
From the states.

Get those designs
From chasseur.

Yes, ursula.
I'll call kung.

[ sighs ]

Why can't you
Use the intercom?

Governor: hong kong --
City of mystery,

City of intrigue,
City of suspense.

Benson:
City with an airport

Very close
To the mountains.

Clayton: I don't mean to be
A party pooper,

But we are here
On business.

I know that, clayton.

Selling that silicon sand
To chipstar

Will bring millions
Into the state.

Clayton, go back to your seat.
We're landing.

[ woman on p.A.
Speaking chinese ]

I've never
Been so embarrassed.

You were very rude,
Clayton.

Ja, that's the first time
I have ever had

My luggage
Searched by customs.

That's the first time you've
Traveled with the ugly american.

I was merely trying to protect
My charts from prying eyes.

But he wasn't prying.
He was looking for contraband.

That's his job.

That's him.
Big nose.

Do I look like a smuggler? Is
This the way a smuggler dresses?

It's over with and done.
Let's forget about it.

I don't want to.
Is that all right with you?

Sure, sure,
It's all right with me.

hours on the plane made him
A little grouchy.

You have something more
You want to say?

Benson: no, no, no.
I was just saying to kraus

That I hope this is our car
From the hotel.

Thank you.

That black case.

Man: those must be
The dress designs.

No, no. No.

Driver, take us
By man mo temple,

Then over
To the tiger balm gardens,

And then run us through
The tsim sha tsui district.

Clayton, maybe we should
Save the tour

Until after
We're all rested.

Oh, no, that's all right, sir.
I'm fine.

What we know as hong kong is,
In fact,

The kowloon peninsula,
Stonecutters' island,

The hong kong island proper,
And, more recently,

The new territories,

Which make up
Of hong kong's kilometers.

Benson: driver, just take us
To the hotel.

Benson,
There's so much to see.

We don't have to see
Every steaming,

Inscrutable kilometer
In an hour.

Fine. Miss the chance
Of a lifetime.

[ engine revs ]

Now is our chance.

You fools!

You stupid, blundering,
Incompetent, imbecilic idiots!

I can see I'll have to
Take care of this myself.

Kung, bring the car around --
The big one.

And don't
Play with the radio.

You embarrassed me in front
Of kung.

You're embarrassed?

I'm throwing a party
For the crème de la crème

Of hong kong
The day after tomorrow.

They're expecting me
To unveil my designs.

But did you bring me
Chasseur's designs? Oh, no.

You brought me
An enormous amount

Of useless information
About sand.

You! You, you!

I have lost
A large black portfolio.

It was with my luggage
When I arrived.

Now find it immediately
And deliver it to..."--."

This isn't my key!
This is benson's key!

Oh, this is wonderful.
I lose my charts. I lose my key.

It's a wonder
I don't lose my temper.

That is room --.

And make it snappy.
That's room --.

Would you kindly get
In the car?

I'm sorry,
I...Don't know you,

And I never get
Into a car with strangers.

Then perhaps
You know my friend mr. g*n.

Uh...Well, uh,
Perhaps a little spin

Around the block
Wouldn't hurt.

Hey, clayton,
Where are you going?!

Stuck-up yuppie.

Governor:
If you ask me, any man

Who would travel , miles
For a business meeting

And then not show up
Is just irresponsible.

There's no excuse.

Well,
Maybe he met a girl.

[ laughs ]

A lot you know,
Bean curd.

I saw him get
In a car full of women

Right after
We checked in.

I didn't see either
Of you guys moving that quick.

You saw clayton leave
With some women?

Yeah, it was
In a red rolls-royce.

That steams me.

Don't worry, governor,
You'll meet someone.

You know what I mean.

Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah!

Well, that was very good.
Can I go home now?

Idiot. Forget about them.
Tell me about your clothes.

Well, uh,
What is there to say?

The suit
Is a light cotton poplin,

The shirt
Is english oxford,

And the shoes
Are hand-tooled leather.

Gag him.
He annoys me.

Gag me?
I've been a good spo--

I will get your designs,
Mr. Chasseur.

I'm a resourceful woman.

Governor:
I can't believe clayton

Hasn't come
Back to the hotel yet.

Maybe he's up in my room.
Look, my door's open.

I don't like
The looks of this.

Wow, when you unpack,
You unpack.

I didn't do this. It looks like
Somebody searched my room.

You've been robbed,
Benson.

No. There's my tape recorder,
And there's my camera.

Wait a minute.
What's this?

Well, it looks like a button
Or a cuff link

Or something.

Well, it's not mine.

Wait a minute.
Here's my key.

You don't think
Clayton did this.

No, but he was the last one
To have this key.

I'm getting a little worried
About clayton.

I think
We better call the police.

Aah!

Aah.

Well, personally,
I shouldn't worry too much.

A great many people
Come to hong kong

To let their hair down.

What about the room?

If I were you,
I'd just call for the maid.

Wait a minute,
Inspector.

I found this
On the floor.

Where did you
Find this?

I just told you --
On the floor. Why?

Nothing.

[ speaking chinese ]

What's going on?

Never mind, mate,
It's police matter.

Yes, just let us handle it.

Good evening.

[ panting ]

[ dial tone ]

[ ringing ]

Woman: good morning,
Regent hotel.

May I help you?

[ muffled ]
Hello.

I'd like to page
A mr. Benson dubois.

I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't understand the name.

Benson dubois.

One moment, please.

Thank you.

Woman on p.A.:

Paging mr. Benfun boovaa.

They are paging you,
Benson.

They are not paging benson.
They're paging benfun.

[ muffled ]
I think miss kwaus is right.

"Miss kwaus"?
"Benfun."

Maybe they shouldn't talk
With their mouths full.

Paging benfun boovaa.
Paging benfun boovaa.

Hello?

Hello, benson?

Who is this?

Cwadon.

"Cwadon"?

Cwaton.

Cwa-ton?

Oh, clayton, clayton!
Hey, where are you, man?!

Help me, benson.
I've been taken to a castle.

I can't understand you.
Listen, just speak slowly.

Where...Are...You?

I...Don't...Know.

I've been taken
To a big castle.

Big castle.

[ all shouting ]

Clayton.

I don't think
They believed us.

Well, it's not as though
We gave them much to go on.

I told them
Everything I know.

Clayton's a prisoner in
A "Caful," whatever that means.

So we are right back
Where we started.

That symbol on the pin
Is our only lead.

But we don't
Know what that means.

Why don't you
And I try to track it down,

And kraus can go back
To the hotel?

No way, dim sum.

I came to hong kong
For mystery und adventure.

I am not going to spend
All my time in a hotel room.

We need you there
In case clayton calls again.

Clayton is not
Going to call again.

The bad guys are
Onto him.

They are going to keep him tied
In a dank, dark basement

With a -hour guard.

Und if he
Makes one false move,

They will bash
His wormy, little face in.

It's moments like this
That make me happy

You're on our side.

Here's a cab.
Come on, miss kraus.

We'll check in with you
At the hotel.

But I -- ja...
But I, oh...

I don't know why
I have to go back to my room.

She's right.
Let's send her back to bavaria.

I hear you!

Come on,
Let's try to find that symbol.

Where do we look?

Everywhere.

You know, one of the things
I really like about this town

Is there's no graffiti.

They don't need it.

What do you mean?

The language
Looks like graffiti.

Oh, yeah.

Of course,
There's some over there.

No,
I guess that's a sign.

Yeah.

Just keep your eye out
For that symbol.

Where are we gonna find
That symbol in all of this?

Governor, I don't know hong kong
Any better than you do.

If you have any suggestions,
Speak up.

Want to
Split a cantaloupe?

Not right now.

Hey, governor, look.

That's it.

Hmm.

May I help you?

Yes, we'd be interested
In buying this bowl.

You'll be very proud
To own this piece.

Will you tell us
What the design means?

Yes, of course.

It is the symbol
Of lun chao,

The most evil of warlords
During the opium wars.

It literally translates
As "We do bad things for money."

Catchy.

Wait a minute.

I have
The strangest feeling.

Oh, me too. I think
It was those spiced-pork things.

No, no, no, no.
We're being followed.

I think
I've spotted someone.

Why don't you go on ahead
As a decoy?

I'll hang here and see if
I can get behind whoever it is.

Okay. But be careful.

Careful? "Caful"?

Oh, go on.
Go on.

[ gasps ]

Can't you
Do anything right?

You're supposed to be
Back at the hotel.

I didn't want to miss
Any of the fun.

All right, come on.

Let's see if we can catch up
With the governor.

[ whistling ]

[ thinking ]
There's a red rolls-royce.

And there's the symbol.

Follow that car!

Follow --
Oh, wait a minute.

Follow that car.

Governor!
Governor, wait!

Governor!

Well,
Where is he going?

I don't know.

He must have gone back
To the hotel.

He said
He wasn't feeling well.

Well, we might as well
Go after him.

I'll see
If I can get us a cab.

[ speaking chinese ]

Hey, wait a minute!
My plate!

You've still got
My lun ch--

Well, this is some kind
Of castle.

Castle? "Caful"!
That must be what he meant!

It'll be a couple hours
Till dark.

I better wait before
I start snooping around.

Well, it's a good thing
I s.

Man:
$ hong kong.

Benson: how much
Is that in american?

Miss kraus:
Breakfast was only $.

Great, I'll just convert
Cornflakes to hong kong dollars.

Do I have to pay
For this?

Ja.

Am I supposed to give you
The red money

Or the blue money?

Oh, inspector.
Did you find clayton yet?

I should like to ask you
Some questions.

What was the relationship
Between mr. Dubois

And mr. Endicott?

Simple --
They hate each other's guts.

Uh-huh. I think I'd better
Have some words with mr. Dubois.

Do you
Know where he is?

Ja. Uh, no.
Well, sort of.

Um, you wait here.
I'll go get him. Okay?

Back in the cab,
Benson.

What's going on?

Never mind,
Just do it.

Step on it, driver!
Schnell!

Jawohl, fraeulein!

You won't believe this, benson,
But are you in trouble.

The police think
I had something to do

With clayton's
Disappearance?

Ja, they want you
For questioning.

Maybe we should go back
And talk to them.

You want to rot in a hong kong
Jail until clayton shows up?

This is not turning out
To be a fun trip.

[ dog barks ]

[ cat meows ]

[ grunting ]

Hyah! Hyah!

Is this
South maple drive?

Hyah! Hyah!

Next on "Benson"...

Can't you see
You've got the wrong

Man? Kung, gag alexander
And do rude things to him.

Benson, look!

The police have plastered
Your face all over hong kong!

Get rid of him.

Aah! Benson!

This is a nightmare.

We should be traveling
With indiana jones.