06x07 - Made in Hong Kong: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

Katie: in the last episode
Of "Benson,"

Clayton, my dad,
Miss kraus, and benson

Went to hong kong on business.

Well, they barely arrived

When clayton
Was kidnapped by mistake.

An evil woman named ursula
Sent her thugs out after him

Because she thought he was
A high-fashion designer,

And they
Wanted his designs.

Dad called the police.

The only evidence was a pin
With a weird design on it.

Well, the police
Seemed worried.

Clayton was a prisoner
In a chinese castle,

Tied and gagged.

I wish I'd been there.

Well, anyway, he managed
To call benson,

And the search was on.

My dad spotted a car with the
Design on it and gave chase.

Then benson and miss kraus
Couldn't find my dad.

When they got back
To the hotel,

They found out the police
Were after benson.

They thought
Benson got rid of clayton,

So miss kraus and benson
Made a run for it.

Meanwhile, my dad followed the
Car to the bad guys' hideout.

At night, he climbed over
The wall to check things out.

That was a mistake.

And you won't believe
What happened next.

[ speaking chinese ]

Ugh!

I demand to know
What's going on.

It's very simple, handsome.
I want alexander's drawings.

Who's alexander?

I am.

I-I-I mean, I'm not,
But she thinks I am.

And you're going to
Give me those drawings,

Even if I have to t*rture you
To get them.

Give her the drawings,
Alexander.

Madam, I appeal to
Whatever is left of your reason.

Can't you see
You've got the wrong man?

All this
Can only end badly.

Please, think.

Kung, bring the handsome one
To my room.

I'll deal with him
Personally.

Oh, and then gag alexander
And do rude things to him.

Let me go! Kung!

[ stammers ]

Miss kraus: what did
The hotel say when you called?

Benson: the governor
Hasn't come back yet.

Oh, benson...

We better get out
Of this cab.

Yeah, yeah,
I'm running out of money.

Ja, und I'm
Getting carsick.

Now what are we
Supposed to do?

We lay low
So the police don't find us.

In hong kong?
You and me?

Ja.

[ laughing ] oh, sure.
We'll blend right in.

Um...

I think they may have
Noticed us.

Benson, look!

The police have plastered
Your face all over hong kong.

Clayton und the governor
Are missing,

Und you are
A wanted criminal?

[ whimpering ] oh,
What are we going to do, benson?

Well, don't do that.
Stop it.

[ crying ]

Stop. Stop it.

There's
A cop car coming.

So what are we waiting for?
Let's go.

Kraus, we can't
Walk all night.

You want to get a room?

Shouldn't you
Buy me dinner first?

Fine, you want to
Make smart remarks?

You come up with an idea.

Okay.

We're on an island,
Right?

Right.

And it's surrounded
By water, right?

That's what makes it
An island, nunchak.

So we hide in the water.

Are you serious?
I can't swim all night long.

What are you worried about,
Chopsticks?

Wood floats.

Oh, please.

So, what are you saying?

We'll rent a boat.

Miss kraus: benson, why are we
Hiding on a boat?

Benson: because the police
Won't look for us here

And I need
A quiet place to think.

[ snoring ]

Perfect.
She even bugs me in her sleep.

The next morning...

What time is it?
I have :.

Then your watch is broken.

We should try
Calling the hotel again.

I called minutes ago --

Still no governor
And no clayton.

Wait a minute,
How did you call?

I had the guy pull over.
Now, listen, I have an idea.

Well, it better work.

I'm tired und hungry und
I haven't done any shopping.

Kraus, listen,
I think I worked out a plan

Of how we can find out
What happened to the governor.

Ja?

That cab he took --
We'll go to the cab company.

Now, see,
That's a good idea.

You know you kept me
Awake all night?

You snore.

I do not sno--
Get out of here.

In german.

Man: it would have to be
One of these.

Thank you, sir.

Now, there are five
Different people on this list

With five different
Destinations.

Which one do you think
Is the governor?

Well, I don't know.

Well, now what
Are we going to do?

Well, obviously,

We have to go to each one
Of these five destinations

And try to figure it out.

[ sighs ]
Come on, let's go.

Okay, okay.

Are you sure
This is the right place?

This is the first address
On the list.

Why would the governor come out
Here in the middle of nowhere?

We'll never find him.

Don't get excited, kraus.
We'll find him.

Hong kong
Is a small place.

On the other hand,
It may take a while.

Oh, boy.

Wonder who
These characters are.

Oh, don't worry,
They're just tourists.

Tourists?
From where, casablanca?

Those guys haven't seen
A bathtub in years.

Remain calm.

My friend is
Somewhat unpredictable.

Who are you?

Our names
Aren't important.

We're,
Uh, f.I.S. Agents.

What the hell
Is an f.I.S. Agent?

Fashion-industry
Security.

Counterespionage.
Industrial.

Personal-protection
Branch.

So, what do you
Want from us?

We know
Where your friends are.

Where?

Well, we can't
Tell you that.

Look, slimeball, you tell us
Where our friends are,

Or you'll be eating
Fried rice through a straw!

Better tell your friend
To talk.

She wants to go shopping,
And she gets very cross.

Okay, all right.

Ursula van dyne
Kidnapped your friends.

She thinks they're
High-fashion designers.

What do you guys
Got to do with it?

We work for the man
Van dyne thinks she kidnapped.

We need time
To get him out of the country.

Your friends were
The perfect diversion.

Can we go now?

Oh, ja, b*at it.

Well, I guess I took care
Of that pretty good.

You sure did.

Except that we don't have
A phone number, an address,

And we have no idea

Where clayton and the governor
Might be.

Okay,
So I'm not perfect.

You're not even pleasant.

What are we doing
In the garment district?

Kraus, didn't you listen to
Those two jerks up on the peak?

This van dyne woman thinks
Clayton is a clothing designer.

Und?

Und, since there's
Only two listings

For ursula van dyne
In the phone book,

And one of them is
In the garment district --

Ja, what?

I think the humidity here
Has warped your brain.

Oh, put it in a pushcart.

Ooh, look, here!

See? That's it.

Ring the bell.

[ gong clangs ]

Chan:
May I help you?

Yeah, we're here to see
Miss ursula van dyne.

Good afternoon.
I'm ursula van dyne.

I'm benson dubois, and this
Is my associate gretchen kraus.

I see.

Well, what can I do for you?

We want our friends back, or
We will tear this place apart.

Kraus, please, no.

Uh, what my associate means

Is that you have
Apparently, by mistake,

Taken some dear friends
Of ours prisoner.

We'd be quite satisfied
If we could get them back.

Come with me.

Kung?

Please, make yourselves
Comfortable.

You know, I've no idea
What you're talking about.

Miss van dyne,
There's no need to play games.

We know you have them.

Ja, one of the bozos
That snatched clayton

Dropped a collar pin
With that dumb design on it.

[ chuckling ] that design?

Why, that's simply
Our company's trademark.

Do you know
What it means?

Well, of course.

It means fine quality clothing
At low, low prices.

Well, if that's the way
You want to play it,

Then I suppose you won't mind
If we look around.

Be my guest.

Come on, kraus.

That way, please.

Chan, get rid of them.

Yes, ursula.

Benson, what are we
Going to find down here?

Looks like trouble.

Come on,
Come on, come on!

Come on. Come on.

How lovely.

What are you doing?

Hyah!

Benson:
Let's get out of here.

Come on.

This is where the woman

Always trips und falls down
In the movies.

I think that's
So degrading to women.

Let's discuss film politics
Some other time.

Aah!

Benson! Oh!

Itchy
Kitchy kitchy coo!

[ laughs ]

Run, benson!
Run, run!

Aah! Oh, no!

Run, benson!

Run!

Run, benson! Run!

[ muffled shouting ]

[ breathing heavily ]

[ speaking chinese ]

[ shouting ]

[ speaking chinese ]

Benson: aah!

[ glass shatters ]

[ laughter ]

Benson: [ thinking ]
How about that?

They actually
Fell for the old

Barrel-through-the-skylight
Trick.

Things are looking up.

Who am I kidding?

Benson got away.
He is sure to rescue us.

How am I going to get kraus,
Clayton, and the governor

Back from ursula?

She's not going to keep them
At the factory.

She knows I know where that is.

Well, I've got her home address
From the phone book,

But she's got
All thos.

If I could get a whole bunch
Of people to come with me...

Hmm, I wonder if the jackson
Tour is coming to hong kong.

Wait a minute --
I'm a wanted man.

If I could get the cops
To chase me...

I'll just annoy a few of them

And lead them
To ursula's place.

Uh, hey, I'm a wanted man.

I'm a wanted man.

This guy has a way
Of making you feel unwanted.

[ horns honking ]

[ indistinct shouting ]

I just had a bad thought.
What if they sh**t?

[ man speaking chinese ]

Can't believe
He lost them in a pedicab.

Hell.

[ chuckling ]
Lost them in a pedicab.

[ door opens ]

[ oriental music plays,
Indistinct conversations ]

[ applause ]

Governor: benson!

Benson: governor!

Thank heavens!

Shh!
Will you be quiet?

Benson, it's so good to see you.
Where are the police?

I lost them.

How are we going to
Get out of here?

Ja, what is your plan,
Benson?

I don't know.
What?!

You mean, you went to
All the trouble to get in here

And you have
No plan of escape?

We should be traveling
With indiana jones.

How many men
Does she have?

Virtually dozens.

Boy, you really
Botched up this rescue.

You should have gone
To the american consulate.

Yeah, well, thank you,
Mr. And mrs. Hindsight.

Governor, I'm going to
Go and scout around.

You think we should
Untie clayton?

Well, let's not
Rush into anything.

What?!

Well, maybe
He was kidding.

Perfect,
Just perfect!

Come on, come on!

Shh, shh!

Now let me handle this.

If I'm not out of there in five
Minutes, come and get me.

Miss kraus: ja, ja.

Who were they?

Dancers.

What did you
Say to them?

I told them
They were missing the audition

For the all-chinese version
Of "Chorus line."

What do we do now?

Well, uh, into the dragon suit,
Down the steps,

And out the door
Is what I had in mind.

Good plan.

Wait a minute,
Wait a minute.

Shouldn't we
Think this through

Before we start gallivanting
Around in a dragon suit?

Yeah, what are
The alternatives?

The alternatives --
t*rture, captivity,

An everlasting diet
Of sizzling fish lips.

Okay, benson,
We're with you.

[ oriental music plays,
Indistinct conversations ]

Clayton: kraus, stop
Stepping on my heels.

Miss kraus:
Then stop draggin' your feet.

Oh, ha! Get it?
"Dragon" your feet?

Governor: that
Reminds me of a story --

Benson: this is not
The time for a -- ow!

Sorry, benson.

Ah, sorry.
Sorry, governor.

Miss kraus:
Oops, sorry, clayton.

[ oriental music plays ]

[ gong clangs ]

Benson: everybody's watching.
Now, make this look good.

Clayton: all right,
Now keep in mind,

The dragon dance is
An ancient celebration of --

Shut up and boogie!

Miss kraus: they're sh**ting
At us! Hit the deck!

Governor: kraus,
It's only firecrackers.

I don't want to die.

[ shouting ]

Grab them!

Aah! Oh, no!

Haven't you guys
Seen a dragon break dance?

Hyah!

Man: this is the police!

We have
The premises surrounded,

And we have the papers
To make things difficult!

Do not attempt to resist us!

[ shouting ]

We are saved!
We are saved!

We could have had a life,

But your friend
Ruined all that.

We shall meet again,
You and I.

Only next time,
It won't be so pleasant.

It hasn't been all that much fun
This time, sweetie.

Ah, there you are.

Yes, here I am.
And I surrender.

I think this proves
That I did no harm

To clayton
Or the governor.

Well, we never
Thought you did.

We were simply
Seeking your assistance.

Kraus!

Okay, so I made
A little mistake.

Where's van dyne?

[ helicopter blades whirring ]

I think
There's your answer.

You see?
I told you.

Hong kong's the city
Of excitement and intrigue.

I wouldn't know.
I didn't get to see much of it.

Governor, let's go home.