06x11 - The Reunion

[bunniefuu]

[ birds chirping ]

Halt!

Kraus, I have
A plane to catch.

Benson, I have
A terrible feeling.

It shows on your face.

I had a very bad dream
About your plane.

And you figured
You'd tell me about it

On the day I have to fly.

Okay.

Uh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What was it about?

I dreamt
That your plane

Disappeared
Into the bermuda triangle.

Oh, that's ridiculous,
Kraus.

There's no bermuda triangle
Between here and baltimore.

Oh, that's too bad

Because I met tom selleck
At your funeral.

He seemed very upset.

I'm not surprised.

His agent booked him
Into a lousy dream.

App-app-app-app!
Hold it just one minute.

Where do you think
You're going?

Well, my ticket says baltimore,
But according to kraus,

There may be a side trip
Through the bermuda triangle.

You cannot walk out on me
Like this.

You know very well
That this is the weekend

Of my fund-raiser
For senator stratton.

Clayton, collecting bail money
For a crooked senator

Is not considered
Fund-raising.

Alleged crooked senator.

Alleged?
They got the guy on videotape.

They can't prove
It was him.

He was wearing
A pig mask.

That was a mask?

I thought he just pressed
His nose up against the camera.

All right, fine.

We don't need your help.

Give my best to porky.

Good morning, benson.

Oh, good morning,
Ms. Cassidy.

I brought you a present
For your trip.

Oh, that's nice.

Hmm.

Little
Plastic thingies, hmm?

They're earplugs.

Oh!

I wore them at all of the late
Mr. Cassidy's family reunions.

They kept me out of
A lot of family arguments.

You've worn these?

You gave me
Used earplugs?

Hey, I'm an old woman
On a fixed income.

Give me a break.

Well, what am I supposed to do
With them?

Stick them in your ears.

Hi, benson.

Hi, sugar.
How are you?

Oh, I see
You're all packed

And ready to go
To baltimore.

Just think,
In a few hours' time,

You'll be reunited with all
The people who love you best.

I really envy you,
Benson.

You're lucky you got relatives
You want to see.

Well, what's wrong
With your relatives?

Are you kidding?
They're weird.

Katherine, isn't it time for you
To go to school?

Someone's ticked off.

Bye, benson.
See you when you get back.

Okay, sweetheart.

You know, I hate to admit it,
But katie's right.

We do have
Some weird relatives.

You? No.

Yeah, yeah.

Did I ever tell you
About my weird cousin floyd?

No, but unless the ground
Opens up and swallows us,

I know you're about to.

He thought he was
A cocker spaniel.

He was really no problem
Till he started chasing cars.

Maybe we better introduce him
To kraus.

Oh, no, no, no.
Floyd's a happily married man.

I got a postcard from him
Just the other day,

Said he and his wife
Are expecting a litter.

Benson,
Your limo driver says

If you don't hurry it up,
You can hitchhike.

I'm on my way.

Well, governor, I guess
You'll have to put a muzzle

On that floyd story
Until I get back.

Now, listen,
I'm not in a hurry.

Why don't I just ride along
With you?

Here, let me
Give you a hand.

Mm-hmm, here.

Come along, benson.

Elaine, take your hand
Out of your pocket

And turn that chicken.

Alison, put the bread
On the table.

Warren, stop picking
At that cake,

Or you're gonna be wearing it.

Aunt lil.
Hmm?

Look who I found
At the airport.

Benson!

Earl, who invited lena horne
To this party?

Don't try to butter me up.

You just get over here
And give your aunt lil a kiss.

How you doing, sugar?
Fine.

Yeah,
You been a good girl?
Mm-hmm.

While you're giving out hugs,
How about one for baby sister?

It's good to see
You, benson.

And now that you're here,
I have some --

What is the occasion?

You are
The occasion, man.

Now that you're
A big celebrity,

Aunt lil's decided
To roll out the red carpet.

But, aunt lil,
I told you

I didn't want
To see all these people.

Oh, it wasn't
No trouble, honey.

I've only been cooking
For three days.

You should have seen her
This morning.

She even had
Elaine cooking.

Really?
It got that desperate?

Uh-huh.

Hey, I am a good cook.

[ both laugh ]
What's so funny?

Elaine, you couldn't boil water
In a microwave.

You lie, benson.

You remember the year elaine
Cooked thanksgiving dinner?

Yeah, that was
The only time we had to pray

Before and after the meal.

Just like old times, right?
Two against one.

That's enough.
I'll do the fussing around here.

Come on, benson.

Benson,
I need to talk to you.

Oh, I got to talk
To you, too, benson.

You can talk to him later.

Right now, I want to introduce
Him to everybody.

Sorry,
Aunt lil has spoken.

At least someone around here
Listens to me.

Well, I mean,
It's either that

Or get clubbed over the head
With a gravy spoon.

You remember that?

Who could forget?

I had a dent in my head
For two years.

Look who's here,
Everybody.

My nephew,
The guest of honor --

Lieutenant governor
Benson dubois.

Oh, aunt lil, who cares?

Well, I'm just
So proud of you, honey.

He runs
Half of the country.

Sweetheart,
It's one state.

Oh, they don't know that.

Hi, benson.
Hey, saundra.

Well, guess what's new
With your cousin.

[ laughs ]
Well, let me take a guess now.

You pierced your ears.

It's so good
To see you, benson.

Yeah, nice to see you.

You know, we're all very,
Very proud of you.

Thank you very much.

I guess I don't have to ask
What you've been up to.

[ laughs ]

Where's that husband
Of yours?

Oh, that's right.
You never met him.

Wait here.
I'll go get him.

Okay.
We can talk
With them later.

Come on.
Let's find uncle buster.

He's been waiting for you
All morning.

Keep your hands up.

Protect your face.

You do know where your face is,
Don't you?

Let me show you
How it's done.

Keep your left up.

Jab!

Weave!

Duck!

Run!

Benson.

Hey, uncle buster.

Sure good to see you.

How you been, huh?

You the talk of the town,
Lieutenant governor.

Well, I know who's been doing
All the talking.

Yeah.

Always knew
You would do good.

Here, have a cigar.

Buster, you know these things
Are bad for you.

Your fussing's gonna give me
A heart att*ck

Quicker than they will.

I guess that's my cue
To cut out.

Well, I'll see
My two favorite men later.

All right, aunt lil.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yeah.
Have a cigar.

Oh.

I like your style,
Uncle buster.

So, what's new
In the furniture business?

It's not like
When I was running the store.

Earl is keeping track of
Inventory on a computer.

You know where I used
To keep it?

In my head.

Well, maybe earl's afraid
Of losing his hair.

[ laughs ]

Whoo-ee!

Mmm!

That's your nephew bobby's
New girlfriend.

Nice, huh?

Mm-hmm.

I see you still got
An eye for the ladies.

It's just about
All I got for the ladies.

Say, benson, just what does
A lieutenant governor do?

Well, I'm next in line
To be governor,

I'm president
Of the senate,

And I got my very own pair
Of gold scissors

For supermarket openings.

Excuse me.

Uncle buster, can I talk
To benson, please?

Well, I'm talking
To uncle buster.

Yeah, go ahead, baby.

Keep your guard up.
Move! Jab!

Yeah, so, what's up?

I'm about to make a drastic
Change in my life, benson.

Oh, and what is it
This time?

I decided to go back
To art school.

Well, that's wonderful.

That's not
The exciting part.

Guess where I'm going
To art school?

Hey, benson, I got russell
On the phone.

Oh, sweetheart,
I got to talk to russell.

Paris.

Gee, paris?
That's great, elaine.

Well, thank you,
I thought so, too.

Here you go.

Hey, man!

You got to be crazy.

Hey, hang on, russell.

Hello? Hello?

Does the warranty
Cover barbecue sauce?

He'll call back.

Oh, man.

Hey, benson, I need to talk
To you about something.

I need your help.
It's about uncle buster.

What?
Something wrong with him?

Thanks a lot, benson.

You just left me kneeling
Over there

And talking to myself
Like a fool.

I'm trying to have

A very serious conversation
With benson.

Well, so am I!

Wait a minute, guys.
Wait a minute, now.

One serious conversation
At a time.

Eenie, meenie, minie, moe.
Go ahead, earl.

Why does he get
To go first?

Because he's moe.
I don't know.

It's about uncle buster
And the store.

Now, he shows up
Every day,

But it really doesn't seem like
He wants to be there.

Here we go again.

Benson, it's putting me
In a very tough position.

Everyone looks at me
To keep this company together,

And it's a very difficult
Situation

Because everyone
Looks at me.

I mean, you know what I mean?
It's tough.

I mean, everyone is looking
At me, and then buster comes in.

Can you understand
My position?

Well, I did
When you started out.

What he means is that he's gonna
Throw an old man

Out of his own business.

Oh, don't be ridiculous,
Elaine.

Why are you gonna throw an old
Man out of his own business?

I am not trying
To throw anybody out.

I was just hoping
That maybe he'd retire.

No way, earl.
Unh-unh.

Have you talked to him
About retiring?

No, and this is where
You come in.

No,
This is where I go out.

Good.
Then I can tell you my news.

Guess where I'm going
To art school?

Watch the food, elaine.

Benson, I'm only trying to do
What's best for everyone.

Nobody listens to me.

I might as well be
Vice-president.

Well, earl, you're running
The family business.

Why don't you just talk
To uncle buster?

I was gonna.
Then lil got wind of it.

She told me if I did,
I would no longer be a nephew.

So I was hoping that maybe
You would talk to him.

You're her favorite.

But, earl,
I'm here on a visit.

I just can't walk in

And tell these people
How to run their lives.

You're still part of the family,
Aren't you?

Yeah, as long as I keep
My mouth shut.

You know how they are.

You need some help,
Elaine?

Oh, you don't think
I can cook either, huh?

Of course not, baby.

Now, just turn that over.

Where are those two brothers
Of yours?

They're out there in the alley
Talking about the store.

I warned earl.

I warned him.

Yeah, don't let
Those birds burn.

Yes, ma'am.

All I'm asking you to do
Is to bring up the subject.

And I'm saying to you

That if aunt lil
Does not want to discuss it,

The subject is closed.

Benson, I am not
The bad guy in this.

I am only trying to do
What's best for the family.

I mean, let's face it.

Buster just doesn't care
About furniture anymore.

Earl.

I told you that subject was not
To be discussed in my house.

Aunt lil --
Don't "Aunt lil" me.

Wait a minute, now, why don't
We just discuss this sensibly?

You hush up.

Buster is my husband,

And I don't need anybody
To tell me what's good for him.

Lil,
We have a problem here,

And ignoring it is not gonna
Make it go away.

Well, I know how to make
My problem go away.

You just pack up your family
And hit the road.

Oh, aunt lil, not today.

Hit the road.

All right, if that's
The way you want it.

Sweetheart, don't you think
That was a little harsh?

You want
Walking papers, too?

Well, shut up.

Yes, ma'am.

From "Welcome home, benson" to
"Hush up, benson" in minutes.

That's got to be
Some sort of a record.

Aunt lil,
What is going on here?

You ought to know.

You got your nose
In the middle of it.

Lil.
Here comes your uncle.
Dummy up.

Lil, I saw earl
And his family leaving.

Why?

I don't know.
Ask benson.

Well?
Speak up, boy.

Uncle buster,
I just got here.

Benson, when are we gonna get
A chance to talk?

Right now.
Go ahead.

Okay, here goes.

Guess where I am going
The day after tomorrow?

[ triangle rings ]

Dinner's ready!

Come on, sit by me,
Benson.

Wouldn't you like
To know

Where I'm going
The day after tomorrow?

Benson,
I want an explanation.

Uncle buster,
Have some steak.

He can't eat red meat.

Well, have some chicken.

Well, I have to take
The skin off first.

Well, maybe I should go on out
On the lawn and graze.

[ laughs ]

Well, it was funny,
Aunt lil.

What do you want me to do?

You've done enough already.

I'll be right back.

Hold my place.

Uh, may I speak to you
In the alley, please?

Buzz off.

Aunt lil, I have to speak
To you in private, please.

Get in the alley!

Okay, you got it.
Excuse me.

Is there some reason
We have to run?

All right,
What's your beef?

I invited you out here,
So I get the first question.

Fair?
Fair.

Okay, what is your beef?

You and earl want buster

To retire from the store,
Don't you?

Nobody wants uncle buster

To do anything
He doesn't want to do.

Oh, don't tell me that.

I heard what earl was saying
To you in this alley.

All earl was saying
Was that maybe uncle buster

Should think
About retiring.

If you mention that
To uncle buster,

I swear I will never speak
To you again.

Why, aunt lil?

What is so terrible
About retiring?

Your uncle buster
Doesn't want to retire.

Oh, then you've
Talked to him about it.

I don't have
To talk to him about it.

I've been married to him
For years,

And I know what he wants.

Aunt lil, we are talking
About a man's life,

Not what you think
He wants for breakfast.

Don't you dare
Use that tone with me, boy.

A man needs something
That he can take pride in,

Something that gives him a
Reason to get up every morning.

You think the job is the only
Reason he gets out of bed?

Well, he's been doing it
For years.

You take it away, and you'll
k*ll his purpose in life.

And if you take that away,
You'll k*ll him,

And I will not allow that
To happen.

Why did I come back here?

I bet the osmonds
Don't have this kind of trouble

When they get together.

There you are, benson.

This is my husband,
Barry white.

The doctor,
Not the singer.

[ laughs ]

Thank you
For pointing that out.

Barry's an obstetrician.

Looks like he takes
His work home with him.

[ laughs ]

You want
Some more corn, buster?

You were clicking
Your bridgework, lil.

So?

When you click
Your bridgework,

There's something
That you're keeping from me.

♪ da da da-da da-da ♪

The guest of honor
Has returned.

[ scoffs ]

Benson, can you tell me
What's going on around here?

Yeah, somebody
Stole my steak.

You know what I mean.
Where's earl?

Buster, the party
Is for benson,

So you keep quiet
And have fun.

Who you telling
To keep quiet?

Why don't we change
The subject?

Okay, everybody, I have
An announcement to make.

I don't want
To change the subject.

Never mind.

This is about me,
Isn't it?

No.

Aunt lil, maybe we ought to just
Bring it out in the open.

I'm not talking to you.

Well, excuse me
For living.

Everybody's been whispering
Behind my back all day long.

Now, if you don't have
The decency to speak up,

Then I'd just as well
Be by myself.

This is all your fault.

Well, now that I have
Everyone's attention --

Who stole my steak?

Uncle buster,
You want to come in

And watch the ball game
With me?

Nope.

You just gonna sit out here
And stew?

Yep.

Okay, you want to be mad at me,
You go right ahead.

Everybody else is.

I'm not mad at you.

I'm just sitting here
Thinking.

About what?

I'm not the man
I used to be.

Well, who is?

Except possibly
Harry belafonte.

You know what I'd really like
To do, benson?

Work in my garden,

Spend some time with lil,

Travel a little.

Well,
Why don't you do that?

Because your aunt lil
Thinks a real man

Should work
For a living.

At least she deserves a real man
Even if he is old and worn out.

Now, who are you to decide
What I deserve?

I don't believe this.
How do you stand it?

This woman is everywhere.

Furthermore --
Move over.

Why didn't you tell me
What you just told benson?

I'm your wife.

She makes a good point.

Now, if you're wasting your time
On a job you don't like,

Why don't you retire,
Like right now?

I thought you didn't want me
To retire.

He makes a good point.

Well, I thought you didn't want
To retire.

Well, no, I just thought
I'd be in the way

Around the house and all.

Well, how could you be
In my way?

You're part of me,
You old sweetie pie.

Ugh, I think
That's the winning point.

And you don't mind
If I retire, darling?

As long as you
Keep on breathing,

You can do anything
You want, honey cakes.

Good.

Now can we all
Kiss and make up?

[ laughs ]

Benson, I owe you
An apology.

No, no, no, no.

The abuse I took off
Of you since I been here,

You owe me
Three sweet-potato pies.

All righty.

Come on, lil.
Let's go to bed.

Well,
What about benson?

[ scoffs ]
Let him get his own chick.

Everyone, earl's back,

And he would like to apologize
For ruining benson's party.

Elaine, let me make
My own apology.

It's too late, earl.

You have missed the apology
Portion of the party.

Earl, I got some good news
For you.

I'm not coming in tomorrow
Or the day after.

I'm retiring.

Very good.

Well, buster, you don't
Have to worry about a thing.

I'm gonna take good care
Of the business.

Oh, I ain't worried.

I taught you everything
You know.

Well, why don't we
All go inside

And sit down and have
Some good old peach cobbler?

Not until I get a picture.
Now, everybody get over there.

Benson, you get right
In the middle there.

Now, I want everybody
To say,

"There's no place..."

All: ...Like home.