06x13 - Home for Christmas

[bunniefuu]

Oh, no, sweetheart.

I won't get to any wondering
Until sometime next week.

I was hiding my dad's
Christmas present.

Do you think your closet's
A good place?
As good as any.

I'd love to help you out,
Sweetheart,

But I got exactly minutes to
Finish my christmas shopping

Before I have to be
At that meeting.

Okay, I'll get out of your way.
Merry christmas, benson.

Merry christmas,
Clayton.

A "Ho, ho, ho," and a merry
Christmas to you, too.

Santa claus will soon
Be here

With gifts for all the good
Little girls and boys.

Clayton, do you know
How old I am?

I don't know. ?

I'm almost .

-year-olds don't believe
In santa claus.

They believe in powder-blue
Turbocharged trans ams

With a hunk at the wheel.

Goodbye, clayton.

We have to go over
Your presentation

For the community
Business administration.

I've worked through breakfast.
I've worked through lunch.

And now I have exactly
minutes

To run the gauntlet of
Last-minute christmas shoppers.

Don't hold me up any longer
Than you already have, please.

Benson --
Pretty please!

I simply think
That it would be wise --

Halt!

Kraus, if this is
Another question

About the appropriations bill,
I don't have time.

What about
My presentation?

Forget it to you. No to you.
Goodbye to both of you.

What's on your mind,
Boss?

I'm just trying to figure
What to get katie for christmas.

She gets harder to shop for
Every year.

Well, while you're thinking
On it,

Why don't you try
Some of this?

This is my special recipe
For eggnog.

Oh.

Ugh!

What is in that?

Vodka, brandy,
And crème de menthe.

Takes away
That eggy taste.

[ telephone rings ]

I'll get it.

Hello?

Yes, he's right here.

Just a minute, please.

Hello?

Yes, this is
Governor gatling.

I'll be there
Just as soon as I can.

Yes, thank you.

Something wrong?

That was the emergency room
At the hospital.

Benson's been hurt.

Vital signs are stable,

And he seems to be
Resting comfortably,

But all we can do
Right now is wait.

Benson: wait? For what?

Hold on.

How did I get up here?

There's the governor
And clayton,

Kraus and katie and me.

Me?!

Wait a minute.

What am I doing down there
If I'm up here?

I can't be in two places
At once.

Whoo. Whoo.

[ echoing ]
Where am I going now?

I feel...Great.

I...

Shouldn't even be
In a hospital.

This can't be a nightmare.

Kraus is nowhere in sight.

What's that?

Hello?
Is anybody there?

Mama?

Mama, is that you?

Benson, what on earth
Are you doing up here?

This isn't...

No, I know what this is.

This is those two
Chili cheese dogs

That I wolfed down
At the mall last night.

It's not a dream, benson.

You are here where everybody
Longs to get to someday.

"The love boat"?

Do you see that light?

It's a reflection
Of the pearly gates.

The pearly gates?
The pearly gates?

Well, show me around.

Well, now, just a minute!

Why are you so cranky?

You're in heaven!

Because you interrupted
My bridge game.

They allow you
To play bridge up here?

Duke ellington and I play
Every thursday.

Hey, I think
I'm gonna like this place.

Well, now, just a minute.

Let me explain
The procedure.

I hope there's no
Written exam.

Heaven is a matter
Of choice.

Once you get this far,

You can either choose to walk
Through the pearly gates

Or back to
Your earthly existence.

Hmm.

So what you're saying is

I can either go to heaven
Or go to kraus.

Benson!

Why should I risk going
Back down there

And mess up my chances
Of coming up here?

It's an easy choice.
I'm going in.

Would you please make him
Listen to me?

[ thunder crashes ]

Okay, okay,
I'm listening.

Now, ask yourself --

Have you accomplished
Everything you can on earth?

Does anybody?

Mozart did.

Well, mozart was special.

You're special, too.

Well, thank you, mama.

I appreciate
Your saying that,

But the world can get along
Without me.

Well, that's true.

Well, you don't have to be
So quick to agree.

The point is your friends
Still need you, son --

The governor,
Miss kraus, katie.

Oh, they'll be all right
Without me.

Oh, no, they won't.

Not if you leave them now.

How can you be so sure?

I have it
On good authority.

[ thunder crashes ]

All right, okay, okay.

Stop. Stop that.
Stop that.

All right,
So they'll miss me,

But it's not gonna change
Their lives.

All right.

I didn't want
To have to do this,

But I guess
I'll have to show you.

Show me what?

The christmas
That might be

Seven years
Into the future.

Seven years?

Isn't this the kind of thing
That usually takes years?

I saw this movie once
With jimmy stewart --

Would you please
Let me do this my way?

Excuse me for living,

Or whatever it is
I'm doing up here.

Please, hush.
I'm trying to concentrate.

Phew!
That was weird.

Do you recognize
Where you are, benson?

The governor's office.

No need to whisper.

Nobody can...
See us or hear us.

Oh, yeah, well, I guess
I should have realized that

When nobody screamed when
We popped in out of thin air.

Thank you, governor.
Come along, everyone.

Nothing here has changed.

I told you seven years in
The future was not far enough.

Everything's the same --

Pictures on the wall, the
Governor's chair, the governor.

Clayton's the governor?!

Yes, and without you
To keep him in check,

Clayton lost all sense
Of human kindness.

But if clayton's the governor,
Where's the real governor?

Your lunch,
Governor endicott.

Ah, eugene.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Hold everything.

This is the real governor.

Ex-governor.

Without you there
To watch out for him,

He was framed by his
Political enemies, impeached,

And removed from office.

Huh.

When governor endicott
Was elected,

He felt pity for
The poor, disgraced man

And hired him on
As his personal valet.

Clayton became governor?

Who was he running against,
A lizard?

Won by a landslide.

His campaign slogan was

"Endicott -- in the tradition
Of benson dubois."

I must be turning over
In my grave.

Here you are, sir.

Eugene,
This is the money

Appropriated for
The state orphanage.

I want you to take it over
To the racetrack

And put it all
On sleazy sue to win.

But, sir,
What about the orphans?

Well,
If that tip pays off,

Those orphans will have
A place to sleep.

[ laughs evilly ]

Well, he's certainly not
Going to heaven.

Eugene, I understand
That katherine will be coming

To the christmas party.

Yes.

Of course, she's still pretty
Messed up about the divorce.

Katie divorced?

Well, it's always nice

To have a fresh divorcée
At the party.

[ laughs evilly ]

Make him
Stop laughing.

Well, what happened
To katie?

Well, with the governor
Having problems,

Katie fell in with
A bad crowd at college

And ran away with a defensive
Lineman named lunkhead.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Speaking of lunkheads,
Where's kraus?

Oh, she should be here any
Moment. Come, see for yourself.

No, let me do it
This time, hmm?

Benson: ow.

[ laughs evilly ]

Whoops!

Don't you ever watch
Where you are going?

Give me a break.
I'm just a rookie at this.

Agh!

Help me down.

All right.

You know, that finger-snapping
Could come in handy

During rush hour.

Oh, I wasn't supposed
To let you do that,

So don't you say anything
In front of you-know-who.

Oh, I think
He already knows.

So, what happened between
You and that football player?

[ new jersey accent ]
Ah, nothing complicated.

Came to me one morning and said,
"Honey, clean out your locker.

You been cut."

Aw, that's too bad.

weeks of marriage
Down the drain.

Yep.

Guess this means I'll be
Spending the rest of my life

Sitting on
The singles' bench.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.
All that because I wasn't there?

You ain't seen
Nothing yet.

Miss kraus:
[ shaky voice ] yoo-hoo!

Oh, I think I get
The point, mama.

I don't want to see this.

Merry christmas!

Oh, no.

The poor woman
Never looked like much, but...

There's stuff
Growing on her!

Merry christmas!

It's me, miss nuts
Und fruitcakes!

This place,
It looks familiar.

What's wrong with her?

She got off at the wrong exit
On the interstate of life.

Hey, krausy,
We haven't seen you in years.

Where you been?

I sell fruitcakes, nuts, und
Christmas candy door to door.

Business slacks off
A little bit in the summer,

But otherwise
It's not too bad a life.

Does she have
Any marbles left?

I'm afraid not.

You were the only one
Who believed in miss kraus.

After the governor
Was forced out,

Nobody else would
Give her a chance.

Hey, kraus, you want to stay
For the christmas party?

I'm sure my old man
Would love to see you.

Isn't that nice
Of you.

Great, let's go.

Where?

To the party.

What party?

The party
I just invited you to.

Who are you?

Oh, I've seen
Quite enough.

No.
Not quite yet.

There's just one more place
We've got to go to --

The office
Christmas party.

No, wait. Let's walk.

Who am I?

I'm katie gatling lunkhead,
And you're kraus, remember?

No.

Well, you two go ahead
And get reacquainted.

I'm gonna party.

I love christmas.

It's so darn joyous.

Anybody for a sh**t
Of eggnog?

Eugene!

Sir.

I thought I told you
To paint the tree.

I'm sorry,
Governor endicott.

How'd sleazy sue make out
In the seventh?

Dead last.

It's a pity.

Hope those orphans
Have sleeping bags.

[ laughs evilly ]

Cassidy!

Yeah.

How's the eggnog?

Oh, it's great, boss.

Good.

[ sizzles ]

I hate that.

Come on, mama.
Nobody's that bad.

Well, I may be exaggerating
A little.

I know what'll cheer us
All up -- a christmas carol.

♪ deck the halls
With boughs of holly ♪

[ weakly ]
♪ fa la la la... ♪

Of all the things
You showed them,

Did for them,
Meant to them,

The worst thing about you
Being gone is that without you,

They lost the spirit,
The spirit of christmas.

Divorce court was more fun
Than this.

Christmas just isn't
What it used to be.

Oh, go on, say it.

I've heard it for
The past seven years.

[ sarcastically ]
Christmas just isn't the same

Without benson.

Benson? Is benson here?

No, miss kraus.

You know, when I was a kid,
My favorite part of christmas

Was picking out the tree
With benson.

I accidentally gave benson
A wallet for christmas

Four years in a row.

He never said a word.

The saddest thing
In my life

Is that I was never able
To give him

That turtleneck sweater
I knitted for him.

It's probably still
In my office closet.

Oh, that benson was a cutie.

So much like
The late mr. Cassidy.

And he's more like him now.

When I think of benson,
I think of a man

Who had the people's
Best interests at heart.

And in spite of that, I sort of
Liked the son of a g*n.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Go to them, benson.

They need you --
Maybe more than ever.

What can I do?

A christmas carol
Might be nice.

They can't hear me
Or see me.

Would you just trust
Your mama?

Yeah, but there's
No music.

Hit it, duke!

[ "O little town
Of bethlehem" plays ]

♪ o little town of bethlehem ♪

♪ how still we see thee lie ♪

♪ above thy deep
And dreamless sleep ♪

♪ the silent stars go by ♪

♪ yet in thy dark streets
Shineth ♪

♪ the everlasting light ♪

♪ the hopes and fears
Of all the years ♪

♪ are met in thee tonight ♪

♪ yet in thy dark streets
Shineth ♪

♪ the everlasting light ♪

♪ the hopes and fears
Of all the years ♪

♪ are met in thee tonight ♪

[ song ends ]

Merry christmas, everybody.

Oh, merry christmas.

Merry christmas.

Come on, benson.
We've both got someplace to be.

Beam us up, mama.

Merry christmas.

Look at the tree.

Our journey's over,
Benson.

It's time for you
To make a choice.

I'm staying.
Oh, what?

Ooh! Relax.
It's just a joke.

Where's your sense
Of humor?

I know, I still got
A lot of work to do.

Well, then,
It's time to say goodbye.

Oh, mama,
I don't want to say goodbye.

Oh, don't worry, son.

I'm with you every day.

Our bodies can't live forever,
But our love can.

I love you, mama.

I love you, too, son.

See you here soon.

How soon?

When the time is right.

You'll be surprised
How fast the years pass.

Make the most of them,
Benson.

I will, mama. I will.

Benson: I will, mama.

I will.

I think
He's coming to.

Benson,
Can you hear me?

Mm, mm, yes.

And unfortunately
I can see you, too.

Oh, I've never been so happy
To be insulted in my life!

Well, I knew
You'd pull through, benson.

Are you all right?

That depends.
Are you still the governor?

Well,
As far as I know.

There wasn't an election today
Or anything, was there?

Is katie married?

Married?
I'm not even allowed to date.

Clayton...

Laugh for me.

Laugh?

Ha ha.

Hmm.

Everything's back
To normal, governor.

And, kraus,

I sure hope that turtleneck
In your office closet is blue.

How did he know that?

How in heaven's name
Could he possibly know?