06x14 - On the Road

[bunniefuu]

What's this?

You said you wanted

The rainfall projections
For hillcrest county.

That's right.

But these are the landfill sites
For monroe county.

All right, it's
A simple little mistake.

Get off my case.

It's a simple
Little mistake

In a continuing series
Of simple little mistakes.

What's the matter
With you?

I have a very difficult job, und
Nobody gives me any "Shlack"!

You think I don't know

How important that hearing
In hillcrest is tomorrow?

You think
I don't understand

How vital it is
To our agricultural policy?

You think I'm a complete idiot,
A nincompoop, a dummkopf?

Well?

Is this
A trick question?

Well, I'm not!

Okay, okay.
Let's drop it.

Fine.

Okay,
We can start fresh.

Good.

Now, what time
Is the flight tomorrow?

What flight?

I didn't make
Plane reservations.

You said
You wanted to drive.

No, no, I didn't.

Oh, yes, you did!

When you were ordering me
To make travel arrangements,

I asked you
If you wanted to fly,

Und you said,
"No, I want to spend five hours

Driving in
A government sedan."

Kraus, how could you take
Something like that seriously?

I take everything you say
Seriously.

Oh, really?

Well, how come every time
I tell you to get lost,

You come back?

Governor:
Oh, miss kraus,

Have you seen
The landfill-site survey?

Ja, here!

What did you do
To offend her?

I didn't do anything
To her.

She botched up
The airline reservations,

And now we got to drive up
To that hillcrest hearing.

Oh.

That's
A five-hour drive.

Oh, then I suggest
You play games with each other.

I beg your pardon?

You know,
To pass the time.

Games like geography
Or ghost or...

Oh, here's a good one --
Trivia.

Listen, how about this --
Name the seven dwarfs.

Oh, governor.

Oh, you think
It's easy, huh?

Go ahead. Name them.

Okay, uh...

Dopey, sleepy,
Sneezy, grumpy...

...Bootney,
And a lot of other guys.

[ laughing ] yeah.

You thought it was easy,
Didn't you?

Benson.

Oh, hi, dad.
Hi, honey.

Benson, would you mind being the
Interview for my school paper?

I'd love to, katie,

But I got to be out of town
For a couple of days.

Oh, well, I don't need
To speak to you.

I'm trying
Something different.

I thought
It might be total

To take a look at you
Through the eyes of others.

Hmm, go right ahead.
Thanks.

Bye, benson.
Goodbye.

Have a good trip.
Thank you.

Well, benson?

What?
The dwarfs.

Oh, for crying out loud,
Governor.

See, I told you
It's a tough one.

All right, all right.

Uh...

Dopey, sleepy, sneezy,
Grumpy, doc, happy...

Who was the seventh one?

Lawanda.

[ laughing ] lawanda!
There wasn't any lawanda!

Sure there was.

Who do you think it was

That made dopey, sleepy,
Sneezy, grumpy, and doc happy?

Hey. Knock it off.

Kraus?

Ja?

I'm gonna wake up now.

Please don't be
In the bed with me.

We are not in a bed.
We are in a car.

Thank god.
I must have had a nightmare.

[ exhales sharply ]

How much longer is it
To hillcrest?

Uh, well...

What's that
Supposed to mean?

It means that
I don't know where we are.

Well, why did you
Turn off the interstate?

This is a dirt road.

Look, I didn't
Want to drive.

Yeah, well, neither did I.
I wanted to fly.

Oh, great,
Throw the airplane in my face.

Looks like somebody
Already b*at me to it.

[ engine sputters ]

Now what?
What's the matter with this car?

[ engine stops ]

[ engine cranking ]

Stop it.
You're gonna flood the thing.

Was this car checked
Before you took it out?

Ja, I remember distinctly
The man said,

"Take the brown car
Because the blue car is broke."

Are you sure
That's what he said?

Positive.

Mmm.
Well, look out there.

Ja?

What color is it?

It's bl--

Right, blue --

As in "Don't take the blue car
'cause the blue car is broken."

It's a pretty blue.

Oh, come on.
Let's go find some help.

But there might be
Bears out there.

All right,
Well, you walk in front.

Another hot chocolate
For you,

And another
Hot buttered rum for me.

Hey, mrs. Cassidy,

How come there are ice cubes
In your hot buttered rum?

Oh, well, I figured I'd try it
Without the hot butter.

Can we get back
To the interview?

Oh, certainly.
Where were we?

You were saying
How congenial benson is.

Oh, yes.

A lot like my husband, the late
Mr. Cassidy, in many ways.

Always
A tune on his lips.

Of course, that was
His downfall, you know?

Yeah,
He was singing so loud,

He just never heard them yell,
"Look out for the steamroller!"

They could have buried him
In a pizza box.

[ sighs ]

I don't believe it.
I really can't believe it.

miles off course.
Why'd you do it, kraus?

I wanted to help.
You said you were tired.

And you thought
Driving me out here

In this barren wilderness
Would refresh me?

Well,
I towed your car in.

So, tiny,
What do you think?

Glad I don't own it.

[ chuckles ]
I mean, can you fix it?

Nope -- don't keep
The parts in stock.

Oh, really? Why not?

Just don't see that many
American cars nowadays.

But you can get the parts?

Oh, yeah. Yep.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[ sighs ]

During my lifetime?

I could call over
To carrollsville,

See if they've
Got the parts in stock.

Now, there's a thought.

I don't know.

Carrollsville's long distance.
Costs you cents.

Well, here --
Here's three quarters.

Keep the change.

You know what
Your problem is, benson?

Yeah, its initial is "K,"
And it's got an accent.

Nobody
Is good enough for you.

What are you
Griping about now?

About the attitude
You took with tiny.

I mean, nobody
Can make you happy.

You could have
Made me happy

If you could have just taken me
From point "A" to point "B"

Without this side trip
Through .

Go ahead.
Blame it all on me.

If you got a point,
Kraus, make it.

Yes, I have a point.

You are an impossible man
To work for.

I have made a lot of mistakes
Since I have been in this job,

Und they have
All been your fault,

And I'm just
Not gonna take it anymore.

Meaning what?

Meaning...

Meaning today
Is tiny's lucky day.

He just hired himself
A first-class waitress.

Tiny: oh.

Sure, you got it.
That's $ a day plus tips.

There's a uniform
In the back room there.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, kraus.

Now, I know you're upset
About something,

But do you really think
This is gonna solve the problem?

You want to order something,
Go ahead and order.

Otherwise,
Leave me alone, mister.

Well, good night.

"Good night"?!
Wait a minute, tiny.

What about the car?

Well, the parts will be here
In the morning,

And hopefully,
The mechanic will, too.

You got
The graveyard shift.

You got the right woman
For the job.

[ rooster crows ]

[ snores ]

Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up.

Hey, buddy.
Shut up!

Hey, buddy, buddy.
Wake up.

Huh?

What's going on?

You were yelling
In your sleep.

I was dreaming
About clayton.

Kraus, what are you --
What is that outfit you have on?

You want to
Order breakfast?

Isn't this a little silly?

Not at all.

Breakfast is the most important
Meal of the day.

Okay, well,
I'll have toast and coffee.

What kind of toast --

White, wheat, rye,
Sourdough, bagel, muffin?

[ imitating kraus ]
"Veet."

You want it dry, with butter,
Jam, jelly, marmalade, honey?

Butter,
And don't call me "Honey."

And how do you like
Your coffee?

Black.

Morning, folks.

Hey, tiny.

Order on one.

Two slabs, greasy wheat.
Cup of java, hold the fixings.

Hey, she's good.

Compared to what?

So what's going on
With the car?

Nothing.
It's just sitting out there.

Well, did you get
The part?

Yeah, but bo isn't here yet
To put them in.

Well, where is he?
Can you get him over here?

Well, not right now.

I got this breakfast order
To get out.

Come on, tiny.
It's just some toast and coffee.

Let her do it.

Oh, now you're
Telling me my job?

That's his specialty.

Butt out.

I don't work for you.

Morning, tiny.

Tiny:
Morning, bo.

Oh, you're bo.
Hey, just the man I want to see.

You're the mechanic,
Right?

Yep, that's me.

Hey there, honey, can I have
A cup of coffee and a paper?

Coming right up.

Bo, look, I hate to rush you,
But I got to get out of here.

Could you fix my car
Right away?

Can't skip breakfast.

It's the most important meal
Of the day.

Well, who are you,

The euell gibbons
Of the grease pits?

You know,
You got a real attitude.

That's what
I keep telling him.

Here's your coffee,
Cream and sugar,

Und the morning paper.

Hey, she's good, tiny.

Yeah, she's real good.

See?
They appreciate me.

They don't know you.

Morning.
What can I do for you?

That waitress job
Still open?

No, I filled it.

Well, good,
'cause the last time I was here,

The service was terrible.

[ clears throat ]

Here you go --
Toast und coffee.

Will there be
Anything else?

Sit down.

Sorry, I don't fraternize
With the customers.

Kraus, do you realize
How ridiculous you're acting?

Ridiculous?

Everybody else tells me
What a good job I am doing,

Which is more
Than you ever did.

Hey, can I order?

Excuse me.
I have a customer.

I'm not finished
Talking with you yet.

Is this fella
Bothering you?

Since I first
Laid eyes on him.

Tell you what, uh...
Marie?

Why don't you go hustle me up
A cup of coffee

While I have a little chat
With mr. Coat and tie here?

Ja.

Uh, look, can I be frank?

Sure, I'm roy.
What's going on here, frank?

Well, I'm not sure
You'll understand, roy.

Try me.

Well, you see,
This woman works for me.

Are you tiny?

Well, compared to you,
Everybody's tiny.

I just want to say
One thing.

If I were you,
I'd leave the little lady alone.

Well, suppose I choose
To ignore this sage advice.

I'll show you.

Huh?

Uh-huh.

Will there be
Anything else?

Not right now, stranger.

Okay, clayton.

Now that dad's gone,

I want to hear what
You really think of benson.

You know, the candid, lowdown,
Uncensored, juicy stuff.

Ohhhhh...
[ chuckles ]

Well, you little
Barbara walters, you.

Come on,
You have to have an opinion

About benson's performance
As lieutenant governor.

No comment.

Think he's competent?

[ snorts ]

No comment.

Does that mean you think
He's incompetent?

[ groans ]

No comment.

Does that mean you think
He's more competent than you?

Benson? More competent?

Why, he is the luckiest man
On the face of the earth.

He's a rank amateur.

If there were any justice,
I'd have that job.

Uhh...

You're -- you're not
Going to print that, are you?

No comment.

Katie...

Uhh...

Hmm.

Would you like some more syrup
For those flapjacks?

If I wanted something sweet,
I'd ask you to join me.

Oh!
Don't mind if I do.

Oh, brother.

You got
Something to say, frank?

Oh, no, no, no.
I just, uh...

I finished my coffee.
I'm going to get another.

[ door opens ]

Could I have
Your attention, please?

Will the owner of
A green pickup truck

With a dead pig strapped to
The fender please move it?

It's blocking the garage.

[ door closes ]

Women pig hunters?
Sounds like a movie of the week.

Hey!
Keep your hands to yourself!

Come on, sweetie pie.
I thought you liked me.

Oh, you better behave yourself,
Or -- or -- or -- or --

Or my boyfriend
Will tear you limb from limb.

What boyfriend?

Help me, benson!

Who's benson? I'm frank.

Come on, benson.
Get me out of this.

Well, he just wants to
Reward you for doing a good job.

Come on, benson. I admit it.
I caused the problem.

It's all my fault.
So what is new?

What's new
Is the size of the problem.

Excuse me, frank, while I have
A talk with this little tease.

[ gasps ]

He's not frank. He's...

He's the
Lieutenant governor.

You're a politician?

Thanks for
The introduction, kraus.

[ crying ] I can't
Do anything right.

Now, look, roy...
[ chuckles nervously ]

Yeah, there's no possible way
I can hurt you,

And you'd probably break me
In two like a breadstick.

So why should we
Go through that? Let's talk.

I wouldn't hurt you.

I voted for you.

You're kidding.

As far as I'm concerned,
You're no politician.

You're looking out
For the little guys, like me.

Oh, roy, I appreciate that.
[ laughs ]

Yeah.

Now, if you don't mind,

I want to have
A little chat with marie alone.

You got it.

Hey! Everybody out!
Come on!

Move it! Move it!
You, too!

Come on, let's go!

Come on, buddy.

She's all yours,
Mr. Dubois.

You just keep kicking tail

Down there in
The legislature, huh?

You bet, roy.

All right.

Kraus, the car's
Gonna be ready soon.

You leaving with me
Or not?

What's the point?

I'll just
Make your life miserable.

I know that,
But I don't mind.

Well, I do mind.

Your job is tough enough

Without me making
All those stupid mistakes.

Well, the only thing
You can do with mistakes, kraus,

Is try to correct them.

It's not just the mistakes.

I mean, you gave me
My big break,

Und I am letting you down.

Is that
What this is all about?

Ja, I failed you today.
I failed you yesterday.

[ crying ] I'll probably
Just go on failing you.

Well, at least
You have a plan.

The thing is, benson,
I thought I could do this job,

But now,
The more I think about it,

The more I think
I can't do it.

Kraus, one of the reasons
I hired you

Is because you always speak
Your mind without thinking.

Und you like that?

No.

But I need it.

You do?

Yeah, yeah.
You got really great instincts.

Really?
Right, yes.

It's when you start thinking
That you cause a problem.

Now you're
Making fun of me.

No, I'm not.

I'm just trying
To tell you to, you know,

Stop second-guessing
Everything.

Trust your instincts.
I trust them.

Your car's ready.

You can pick it up out back
Before you go.

Thank you, bo.

You mean you are not
Unhappy with me?

Kraus, I'm gonna
Walk out that door.

Now, if you're
The woman I hired,

The woman who's not afraid
To speak her mind,

You'll walk out with me.

Und if I am not?

Then I guess you'll just
Get ready for the lunch shift.

Well?

Well...

My instincts say to me,

"Gretchen, give yourself
A second chance."

Thank you, benson.

All right.

I wish I hadn't been
So convincing.