We're headed down to the b*mb
Shelter. You about ready?
Yeah, give me a minute here
To see if I've got everything --
Operations manual,
Disaster procedures.
Get organized, benson.
You're holding us up.
Well, it's the first time
I've done it,
And I want to make sure
I've got everything right.
The whole point
Of a simulated disaster exercise
Is to see what can go wrong.
Are you going down
In the shelter with us?
Of course.
There's one thing
That's gone wrong already.
Sir, I must --
Now, now, now, fellas.
We're gonna be
In very close quarters
For the next hours,
So let's try not
To get on each other's nerves.
Well,
If it were up to me,
I wouldn't go
Near that shelter.
Personally, I think these
w*r games are a waste of time.
Well, this exercise
May not seem important to you,
But if it ever
Really happens,
It'll be damned important
To the people of this state
That we know
How to handle it.
Sir, you have
My heartfelt assurance
That despite
My personal views,
I want to assist,
And I will do everything
In my power.
[ smooches ]
Cut that out!
[ smooches ]
Sir,
Make him cut that out!
Why don't you check
With the national guard
And see that
All communication lines are open
And that they're ready
For the exercise?
Very well, sir.
You can leave everything to me.
[ smooches ]
Why do you needle him
All the time?
It's a nasty job,
But somebody's got to do it.
Katie, have you started
That report for school yet?
There's nothing to report.
You guys haven't
Started the exercise.
Well, I know, but later on,
I'll be so busy,
I won't have time to bug you
About your homework.
Hold it.
No nonessential items allowed
On the tactical map board.
I hate to pull rank on you,
But I am the shelter manager.
So move it.
At ease.
She get a p*stol
With this job?
No, no, no.
None of us have weapons.
That's my kind of w*r.
Benson,
You have to pick a number.
I already got mine.
I'm a .
Only if you wear makeup.
Benson,
Can I see you for a moment?
Can you find us
On this map?
Sure.
Here we are right here.
You sure?
Isn't this springfield?
No,
This is springfield.
Well, this is
A very confusing map.
Maybe if you looked at it
From over here.
Ohh, I see.
So that's north?
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
[ computer beeping ]
Governor, the defense department
Is starting the exercise.
Okay, everybody.
Stand by.
"This exercise will be divided
Into three stages --
"One,
Warning of nuclear att*ck.
"Two, nuclear att*ck.
Three,
Post-nuclear att*ck."
Do we have any idea
How long each stage will be?
No, nobody knows.
The computer
Will choose one
Of over ,
Different scenarios.
, different scenarios?
[ chuckles ]
That computer shouldn't be
Working in washington.
It should be in hollywood
Writing "Dynasty."
[ computer beeping ]
Stage one is commencing.
"The armed forces have been put
On full defense alert."
[ whistle blows ]
I'm sealing the shelter.
Wait.
Shouldn't we wait for clayton?
Oh, is clayton out there?
She knows what she's doing.
Hold it, hold it,
Hold it, hold it!
You can't start this w*r
Without me.
Sorry I'm late.
Here's your number.
Uh, buh, buh, buh, buh!
This is a $ suit.
Congratulations.
You've been selected
Best-dressed man in the bunker.
It's your move, governor.
Tell me what
You are going to do,
And I will enter it
Into the computer.
Clayton, get on the horn
And tell them
To sound the warning siren.
Yes, sir.
What's next?
We can either
Evacuate the population
Or get them into shelters.
I think we have time
To consider the evacuation plan.
Siren has been sounded,
Governor.
Where do you want
To start?
Well, I think we should
Evacuate the entire population
From the target areas.
Mm-hmm. And where do we
Instruct them to go?
Hmm, well, my first guess
Would be a nontarget area,
Someplace
Where they're not likely
To get their buns toasted.
Who has a list of the target
And the nontarget areas?
You mean besides the guys
sh**ting at us?
I think there are some
Assumptions we can make here.
Large cities and areas
With defense-related industries
Will obviously be targets.
Good.
So let's start with springfield.
This is springfield.
Oh, springfield, right.
So let's evacuate the population
Of mountain valley.
Mountain valley.
Uh...
Let me look at it
From over here.
All right, now.
The population
Of springfield
Is in three main
Population centers.
Benson, you take this car
And represent the east side.
I'll represent
The west-side traffic here.
All right,
I'll be this car,
Representing
The affluent south side.
Let's move them on down
To mountain valley.
Hold it, hold it.
We're creating a traffic jam.
Well, this is the only way
To mountain valley.
[ computer beeping ]
Too late.
What is it?
They're starting
Stage two.
"An enemy launch has been
Detected by satellite.
The warheads are expected
To arrive in minutes."
minutes?
That's not fair.
All right, all right.
Let's just cancel
The evacuation.
Right.
Our only option
At this point
Is to tell the population
To get into shelters.
What about all those people
You evacuated?
Are they just stuck
Out there?
Honey, they...
Uh...
Not now, katie.
Clayton, get on the horn
And tell them
To sound the att*ck siren.
Yes, sir.
I'll contact
All the radio and tv stations
And tell them to stand by
For your emergency broadcast.
Right. Oh, I wonder
What I'm going to stay.
What are you doing,
Mrs. Cassidy?
I'm checking you
For radiation.
It's part of my job.
Well, there hasn't been
Any radiation.
They haven't dropped
The bombs yet.
Well, it doesn't hurt
To practice.
Hmm. And what is that --
A geiger counter?
[ chuckles ] no.
This is
A little thingamajig
That I use
To test my microwave oven.
Oh, that'll come in handy.
Yeah, during a real w*r,
You could tell us
When we're medium rare.
The att*ck siren
Has been sounded, governor.
Oh, good.
Be sure you keep
Communication lines open
With the national guard.
Yes, sir.
Then what do we do?
Uh...
Well,
I guess we just wait.
Yeah,
Wait for the b*mb to drop.
Hey, that's a good title
For my report --
"Waiting for the bombs to drop"
By katie gatling.
In addition
To taking food and water
Into the shelter with you,
You'll need
Any special medicines,
Blankets, flashlights,
A radio so that
We can stay in touch,
Extra clothing,
And let's see what
The government brochure...
Recommends.
"A clock, a calendar,
Playing cards, hobby materials,
A sewing kit,"
And a watch, and --
Ohh! Oh, I'm sorry.
I have talked so long
That now you have
Only two minutes
To get to your shelters,
But godspeed.
Oh, and one more thing.
Be careful out there.
Too long, huh?
Personally, I thought the story
About your uncle cletus
At custer's last stand
Was an unnecessary side trip.
I didn't ask for a critique,
I asked about length.
Too long...
Thank you.
...By one
Uncle cletus story.
I hate this waiting.
Well, I could go over
This checklist again.
We have been over that
Inane checklist nine times.
Do you think we are idiots?
What's with him?
Simulated-battle fatigue.
Well, I suppose
It's time for lunch.
Lunch?!
Easy, babe.
How can you think
Of your stomach
In the midst
Of a nuclear att*ck?
Because it's not
A real nuclear att*ck.
If it were real, I'd be thinking
Of another part of my anatomy
And kissing it goodbye.
That's a rather
Pessimistic attitude, benson.
It is possible to survive
A nuclear att*ck, you know.
Well, if you happen to be
A rat or a cockroach.
Well, I intend to survive.
Like I said --
Rats and cockroaches.
I'll get lunch.
I hope you don't think
That was my order.
Wait, I'll go with you.
This isn't as riveting
As I thought it would be.
Well, does anybody know?
Is it possible
To survive a nuclear w*r?
We won't have the answer to that
Until we have a w*r.
Well, let's not have one just
To satisfy kraus' curiosity.
Well, I'm certainly no expert,
But the defense department,
Many respected scientists,
Including the guy
Who invented the hydrogen b*mb,
All think that a portion
Of the population will survive.
That's right.
As long as we're prepared
And we have a plan,
There is nothing
To be afraid of.
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
I mean, you know, that b*mb's
Gonna make a pretty big bang,
Not to mention the fire storm
And the radioactive fallout.
Let's face it.
It's gonna place real havoc
With your tv reception.
But, still, many people
In shelters will survive.
Oh, I agree.
They should be in shelters.
But when we come out,
What will life be like?
Well, let me see.
You remember watts in '?
Lunch.
Ah.
Well, I think, so far
We've been doing pretty well.
Yeah, I think so.
Hey, here's an interesting bit
Of trivia.
This food's years older
Than I am.
[ computer beeping ]
Oh. The first b*mb
Has been detonated.
"Estimated yield --
One megaton.
"Target -- springfield.
Estimated dead"...
Oh, my god.
Gretchen.
There are more.
There are more bombs.
"Bay city...
"Carolsville...
"Woodbury...
"Denton...
Capital city."
Is the computer
Still working, kraus?
Ja, it's working.
They're just not
Sending anything.
[ sighs ]
What time is it?
to :.
[ yawns ]
Which to
A.M.
General custer,
General custer, look out!
Governor, wake up.
What?
Talking in your sleep.
Ooh.
I was having a dream
About uncle cletus.
It was so vivid.
I could almost smell
The horses.
It was probably
Kraus' perfume.
Ha ha.
I'm not wearing any perfume.
Maybe you should be.
Oh, there's nothing
Going to happen here.
I'm going for a refill.
[ computer beeps ]
I knew it, I knew it.
It was just waiting
For me to leave.
What's it say?
Oh, good news.
The att*ck phase
Of that exercise is over.
All right,
But don't let down, fellas,
'cause stage three
Will be starting.
That could be
The hardest of all.
Clayton, you better
Man the phone.
Yes, sir.
[ computer beeping ]
Whoops.
Stage three is starting.
"Due to an undetected
Gamma-radiation leak
"In the executive shelter,
Player number one
Has d*ed."
Number one?
That's me.
Uh...
I don't want to die.
C'est la guerre.
C'est la vie.
Say goodbye.
Governor, um...
I-I'd rather not play
This part of the game.
I can't do anything about it.
It's out of my hands.
Mrs. Cassidy:
Turn in your badge.
No, I don't want
To turn in my...Badge.
There we are.
There.
Now, be quiet.
Sir...
Benson, I --
This isn't fair.
This just isn't fair!
What's all the noise?
Clayton is dead.
Oh.
I had promise.
I could have been somebody.
Come on, hurry.
Let's find
The radiation leak
Before the rest of us
Lose our buttons.
Okay, here it is.
"Operation...Shelter,
Shelter"...
What, what, what?
Just a minute, kraus.
I don't know
This thing by heart.
All right, here we go.
Yeah, there it is.
It says,
"First, find the leak."
That's
The shelter manager's job.
Tick, tick...
Tick, tick.
What are you doing?
I'm looking for the leak
With my thingamajig.
Tick, tick...
Tick, tick, tick, tick,
[ rapidly ] tick, tick, tick,
Tick, tick...
By george,
I think she's found it.
Let me see.
It says we should build
A gamma barrier
To cover up the leak.
Well, does the manual
Have a gamma-barrier kit?
It has instructions.
Tick, tick, tick, tick,
Tick, tick, tick, tick.
"If you have lumber, nails,
And carpenter's tools available,
"And have hauled piles of earth
Or sand into the shelter
"Before fallout arrived,
You may be able to construct
A very good barrier."
Piles of earth and sand?
This is a joke, right?
Well, what about
Stacks of brick?
Well, what about
A handful of pocket lint,
A deck of cards, sewing kit,
Hobby materials?
Why are you so upset?
Why am I so upset?
Because here we are down here
In this dank basement
Facing armageddon,
Trying to do the best job
We know how,
And some guy in washington
Is suggesting
That we carry around
Piles of earth and sand.
Well, there is another choice.
I hesitate to bring it up.
Well, go ahead.
It can't be anymore harebrain
Than the last suggestion.
It says the human body
Can provide some protection.
How wrong I was.
"Volunteers should stand
In front of the leak."
"The human body
Has a density of .
Relative to concrete."
Let's use clayton's body.
It's dead.
No one is building a barrier
With my remains.
Why don't we find the guy
Who wrote this pamphlet?
His density's probably higher
Than concrete.
Benson, these are
Desperate measures
For a desperate situation.
Clayton, come here.
Yes, sir.
Go stand
In front of the leak.
Sir --
Go on.
I don't know
Why I'm always the one
Who gets to do this.
You guys sure make it tough
For a person to sleep
Around here.
Governor,
We have a situation here.
What is it?
Just looking at this map,
The greater part
Of our surviving population
Is in this general area.
Right.
Well, the problem is
That all of our food supplies
Are down here
In the southwest corner.
Miss kraus,
Give me a status
On highways , ,
And route "J."
"All heavily damaged --
Impassable."
Well, there's got to be
A way, though.
Think, think.
Why are you guys
Wasting your time?
Would you look at the board?
The whole damn state
Has been blown to hell.
We're not wasting our time,
Clayton.
We're doing our job...
Which is more than you're doing.
I'm dead.
From the neck up.
All right, stop it,
Stop it, stop it!
[ computer beeping ]
New information.
It says that
"Player number
"Is showing signs
Of radiation sickness
Und requires immediate
Medical attention."
Who's number ?
Not me.
It's katie.
How are you?
I'm fine.
You shouldn't be walking.
Huh?
You're sick.
You got to be in bed.
The computer says
You caught something.
Oh, no -- floppy fever.
This is not a joke.
Get in bed.
We need a doctor.
I'll call the doctor.
You can't use the phones.
The blast wave, remember?
Okay, I'll use the radio.
You better
Let me check that.
[ computer keys clicking ]
"Radio transmission
Impossible
Due to ionization
Of the atmosphere."
Which means
We're cut off.
No, no.
We're not cut off, no.
We can't be cut off.
We've got to have a doctor.
We've got to have help.
We've got to have medical
Attention for this girl.
I'm going to go get
Some help.
Hold it, hold it.
Governor...
It's just an exercise.
Well, but what if
It wasn't?
Well, I guess you don't need
My two-cents worth.
But if you ask me,
This kind of thing
Is never going to happen.
Why do you say that?
It makes me feel better.
And the woman
Is not entirely off base.
The presence
Of a strong defense
Guarantees that the weapons
Will never be used.
"Guarantees"?
Then why are we doing
This exercise?
Well, what I'm saying is
As long as we have the capacity
To destroy each other
Many times over,
No one is going to be
The first to push the button.
We hope.
Benson's right.
We should get rid of all
Our nuclear weapons.
Wait a minute.
That isn't what I said.
I think we should all get rid
Of our nuclear weapons.
Well, how do we convince
Every country in the world
That has nuclear weapons
To give them up?
Well, just because
We don't have the answer
Doesn't mean we should
Avoid the question.
We've been asking the question
For years.
What good does it do?
What harm does it do?
Who knows?
Maybe there's
Some young person out there
Who will hear us
Ask the question,
And his desire to find
The answer will save us.
Benson's right.
Of course, the one thing
That we do have is hope.
And as long as we continue
To approach the dilemma
With humanity and morality...
That hope won't be wasted.
Dad?
Yes, honey?
Is it all right
If I leave the shelter?
What for?
I'd just like to go outside
For a while
And look at that stars,
Walk on the grass, breathe.
I think katie's right.
Why don't we all
Take a breather?
Yeah, let's do that.
You coming, kraus?
Well, what should I do
About the computer?
I'm sorry, but the w*r
You have been conducting
Has been temporarily
Disconnected.
[ footsteps echoing ]