06x23 - The Bookburner

[bunniefuu]

[ birds chirping ]

[ mumbling ]

Mmm, mmm.

[ muttering ]

[ chuckling ]

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't know the three stooges
Had a backup team.

Will you
Cut the smart remarks?

Benson, you've got
The tie-breaking vote.

What are you going to do?

Well, it's pretty obvious
What benson's gonna do.

What are you gonna do,
Benson?

I'm gonna do
The right thing.

Mmm, I'd think twice before
Doing the right thing.

Too bad your parents
Didn't think twice.

Clayton, I don't think
You realize

The impact of what
Senator jenkins is trying to do.

If this bill passes,

His committee will be able
To have the power

To ban any school library book
They find objectionable.

I do realize that, but the way
The bill is constructed,

If benson votes against it,

The schools will not get
Their proper funding.

Eh, it's a catch-, anyway,
Which, incidentally,

Is one of the books
The senator wants banned.

Why, I can't believe
Some of the books

That bozo
Has on this list.

"Huckleberry finn."

"Little women."

Oh, don't worry about it.
I have the deciding vote.

That's all very well,
Benson,

But what about the funding
For the schools?

Well, we'll just have to
Try and find the money

Somewhere where there
Are no strings attached.

Hey, dad. You want
To go get some lunch?

Honey, let me ask you
A question.

Are there any books
In your school library

That anybody could find,
Uh...Dirty?

No way. If there were
Dirty books in the library,

Boys would get
Library cards.

I know senator jenkins
Is well-intentioned,

But what the man's
Trying to do is just wrong.

Well, going up against him
Won't be easy.

I wouldn't trade places
With benson for anything.

Actually, sir, I think it is
The better part of valor

To steer clear
Of this whole situation.

If benson wants to take on
Senator jenkins,

I say, fine,
Let him flap in the wind.

Nonsense, clayton.

Benson, you want my opinion
On this?

Well, um, to be
Perfectly frank -- no.

Oh, fine.

All right, you want
To make your own decision.

I respect that.

Come on, katie.

Maybe I can help you
With something.

Don't worry, benson.

If senator jenkins
Bans these books,

It will be
Over my dead body.

Don't tempt me, kraus.

Boy, benson.
I got to hand it to you.

You were something
On that senate floor.

You stuck to your g*ns

Und gave it to them
With both barrels.

I'm glad it worked out.

You put your career
On the line.

It's part of the job.

Cast an historical vote.

Kraus,
You're embarrassing me.

Your action
Will shape young minds

For generations to come.

You know, they might even
Put up a statue of you.

I'm sure the pigeons
Will enjoy that.

Knock it off, benson.
I'm proud of you.

[ laughs ]
Dubois, great speech.

Thank you, leonard.

See, even senator tyler
Was impressed,

Und he voted
Against you.

Uh, no, no,
I wasn't impressed.

I just enjoy seeing someone
Go up against senator jenkins

Once in a while.

Last guy that had
The guts to do that was
Assemblyman blanchard.

Poor guy.

Assemblyman blanchard?
I've never heard of him.

Not many people have.

Disagreeing
With senator jenkins

Has a way of lowering the
Life expectancy of one's career.

Yeah, one day blanchard
Was speaker of the house,

And the next day
He was painting a house.

Take care.

Don't listen to him
Und don't worry.

I'm not worried.

[ chuckling ] did you see
Senator jenkins' face

When you were reading
Your decision?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

His face got so red, I thought
It was going to explode.

[ laughs ]

He was so steamed.

What a bozo!
[ laughs ]

Shh, shh.
[ speaks indistinctly ]

His face was so red,
He looked like a tomato!

[ laughs ]

Senator tomato
Is right behind you.

Senator tomat-ohh.

Senator jenkins.

Miss kraus.

Lieutenant governor
Dubois.

Senator jenkins.

That bill
Meant a lot to me, dubois.

Senator, I just felt

That the schools should get
Their money unconditionally.

Do you know who you work for,
Lieutenant governor?

Senator, please. I work
For the people of this state.

That's right.
And they're tired of filth.

They're tired of it
In their libraries.

They're tired of it at their
Newsstands, on television.

You,
Mr. Lieutenant governor,

Failed to represent
Those people.

Well, fortunately,

That's for the people of this
State to decide, not you.

I want you to know
That I am holding you

Personally responsible
For the death of my bill.

It was a mercy k*lling.

Well, you seem to have made
A few friends today.

Let me tell you, you have made
One very powerful enemy.

Is that a thr*at?

I don't make threats.
I don't have to.

I make promises,
And I keep them.

Just ask former speaker
Blanchard about me.

You'll find him
In the yellow pages...

Under house painters.

What do you think
He's going to do?

I don't know.

But I know one thing.
What's that?

I don't know nothing about
Painting no houses.

[ crowd protesting,
Shouting indistinctly ]

I can't stand
Another hour of this.

Those people have been out there
Picketing for three days.

Well, senator jenkins knows
How to stir up the people.

Look at this. They got
Some new signs out there.

"Dubois supports filth."

That's a dirty lie.

"Benson soft on p*rn."

That's ridiculous!

"Garage sale saturday
: to :."

Garage sale?
Does it say where?

I wonder how long
This is gonna go on.

Well,
It says : to :.

You're no help at all.

Benson,
You made a decision.

You just have to
Accept the fact

That some people strenuously
Disagree with that decision.

You mustn't take it
So personally.

They don't hate you.

They just hate
Everything you stand for.

Well, thank you
For the pep talk, gipper.

Benson, look at this.

Well, it looks like
A television set, only smaller.

Look, there's a little,
Tiny senator jenkins.

Turn it up.

Senator randall jenkins
And hundreds of his supporters

Conducted a book burning today

To protest
Lieutenant governor dubois'

Recent vote
In the state legislature.

Other people voted,
Too!

Among the authors
Whose works were incinerated

Were mark twain, james baldwin,
And kurt vonnegut.

Senator jenkins
Was quoted as saying,

"The people are behind me
On this one."

Not this people!

We now return you to your
Regular-scheduled program,

"Stunt-show bloopers."

Whoo.
This is unbelievable!

It certainly is.

I've got to get me
One of these things.

They're perfect.

Clayton,
This is a serious matter.

Oh, you're
Absolutely right, sir.

I agree.

Now, dragging benson's name
Through the mud is one thing,

But burning books
Is just plain tacky.

Benson, there's some
Reporters here.

Not now, mrs. Cassidy.

This is your chance to give
Your side of the story.

They only want to ask you
A few questions.

Good, 'cause I'd like
To give them a few answers.

Well, w-wait a minute.
Hold the phone.

This is hardly the time
To meet the press.

I think he's right.

One wrong remark --
It'll make things worse.

Mmm, those media people
Smell blood --

Your blood, blood.

Benson
Can take care of himself.

For once, kraus is right.
I'm the lieutenant governor.

I ought to be able to handle
A press conference

Without losing it.

Send them suckers in,
Mrs. Cassidy.

Right away.

Fine, fine, benson.
What do I know?

My sentiments exactly.

Right this way.

Maybe we ought to pull up
A couple of chairs.

You better pull up
An auditorium.

Exactly what
Did you mean by that,

Lieutenant governor
Dubois?

What did I mean by what?
I haven't said anything yet.

What do you think
About the protesting?
I hate it.

You hate
The protestors?

I hate the protesting,
Not the protestors.

Sir, if things don't look up
In the next seconds,

I suggest
We make tracks.

I think
It's going very well.

Lieutenant governor,
Why do you support p*rn?

Did senator jenkins
Tell you to ask me that?

All righty,
If you'll excuse us.

I have to get the governor
To his guitar lesson.

Why do you hate
Senator jenkins?

I don't hate
Senator jenkins,

I just hate the way he uses
Fear and calls it justice.

You're saying senator jenkins
Doesn't know the difference?

Well, if you're not gonna
Listen to my answers,

Why don't you just get the hell
Out of my office?

What have you got
Against morality, anyway?

Okay, that's it.
You can continue without me.

Excuse me, lieutenant governor.
Please...

Lieutenant governor,

One more statement!

So, how's it going,
Benson?
Well...

Oh, you don't have to
Tell me. I know.

They're blasting you
On radio and television.

The press is raking you
Over the coals.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's not
Just the press, either.

Last night I went
To the laundry.

The lady told me to take
My business elsewhere.

Oh, that's terrible!

Yeah, she said that if I brought
My shorts back over there,

She'd scorch them.

Benson, I've just been watching
The noon report on tv.

More bad news, huh?

Ja, but there's
Good news, too.

The commentator said you were
Irresponsible und hasty

In your
School-budget decision.

That's good news?
No, no, no.

It's going to be beautiful
Und sunny today

With a cooling trend
Towards the weekend.

Well, well, I hate to be the one
To tell you this, my friend,

But you are
Down for the count.

First weather,
Now sports.

There is talk
Of impeachment.

Benson impeached? No.

Well, there's nothing here
In the paper.

Oh, no, no, it's not
In the papers yet.

No, it's still in that
Tantalizing scuttlebutt stage.

The house? The senate?

Mnh-mnh.
The barbershop.

Well, the talk stops here.
You understand, clayton?

Yes, sir.

Listen to this letter
To the editor.

"Lieutenant governor
Benson dubois'

"Ill-fated decision
Was compounded

"By his disastrous follow-up
Press conference.

"He has once again

"Exhibited a glaring lack
Of governmental experience.

"It is obvious that our own
Beloved governor gatling

"Had nothing whatsoever to do
With these political fiascoes.

"Sincerely...

Clayton endicott iii."

Well, I'm entitled
To my opinion.

I know the perfect way

To get even
With senator jenkins.

Forget senator jenkins.
I want to get even with clayton.

Revenge is never the answer
To anything.

Mmm, no, no, unless you can
Do it without getting caught.

Hey, it's my opinion.

Well, my advice to you, benson,
Is stand your ground.

Ja, stand your ground.

Yeah, stand your ground...

Until they bury you in it.

Clayton, I think
That is rather cynical.

What do you expect from
An obnoxious, pompous snob

With an overblown ego
And an overactive mouth?

I don't like
The sound of that.

You're not gonna like it
In print, either.

You wouldn't dare.

Hey, babe,
It's my opinion.

Join us again tomorrow

For another episode of
"The edge of our lives."

Got to be careful,
Mrs. Cassidy.

You're gonna knock some dust
Off that desk.

I was waiting
For "Daytime magazine."

I love that gal.

Oh, she's a p*stol.

Welcome
To "Daytime magazine."

With me today
Is senator randall jenkins.

We'll be talking
With senator jenkins

Later on in our program,

But first we'll be meeting
A doctor

Who has scientific proof

That back pain
Can be controlled

Through the proper use
Of vegetables.

This is very interesting.

You got a bad back?

No.

Could you ask miss kraus
To come in here, please?

She got a bad back?

Yeah, and a bad front,
But I still need her in here.

I'll send her in
Right away.

All right.

I understand you want me.

This is no times
For jokes, kraus.

Senator jenkins is on live tv
Right now,

And we have to get
Over to the station.

I think it's about time

That we brought our
Disagreement into the public.

Are you sure
You want to do this?

Your career could be
On the line.

I have no choice.

Wait a minute,
Wait a minute.

If your career is over,
Do I get your job?

If my career is over,
Your career is over.

Well, don't just stand there.
Let's move it.

May I help you?

Ja. Is this where we find
"Daytime magazine"?

Yes, it is.

But I'm sorry. Our audience
Is packed today.

No, no.
You don't understand.

This is not for today.

I'm bringing this woman here.
I'm making a delivery.

She's here for the
Facial-makeup renovation

Part of the program.

I don't think we're
sh**ting that today.

No, you don't understand.
It's not for today.

We have to
Get her started now

So she'll be ready
For next week.

Okay, just go around
That corner and down there,

And you'll see the set.

Okay, thank you.
Come on, kraus.

I have something
I want to say to you.

Man: okay, everybody.
Here we go.

, , , ...

Welcome back.
I am marjorie manning,

And we are talking
With senator randall jenkins.

Senator,
Before the commercial break,

We just had time
To discuss your background

And your powerful position
In the senate.

The first question
I would like to ask you is,

Where did you
Get those shoes?

I beg your pardon?

Your shoes?
They are gorgeous.

And I think everyone
Would like to know

Where a senator
Buys his shoes.

Am I right?

[ audience applauds ]

Well, look who's here!
Uh, what a surprise.

It's our own lieutenant
Governor, benson dubois.

[ audience applauds ]

Uh, miss manning,
May I join you?

Well, certainly.

I think you know
Senator jenkins.

How do you do, senator?
Lieutenant governor.

Well, um,
How interesting

To have two high-ranking
Government officials

With us
At the same time.

We were
Just discussing shoes.

[ chuckles ]

That's very interesting.

Miss manning, if you don't mind,
I'd like to change the topic.

Well, go ahead.
I think that would be fun.

I'd like to ask the senator
A question.

Senator, why are you attempting
To use the school budget

As a w*apon
Against p*rn?

I'd be happy
To answer that.

This state, our whole country,
For that matter,

Is decaying due to vulgar,
p*rn garbage

That is being passed off
As literature

In our school libraries.

It is eating away
At the morality of our young.

With all due respect,
Senator,

I don't think that you have the
Right to make value judgments

For anyone but yourself.

That's where you're wrong.

As an elected official
Of this state,

I have a mandate
From the voters.

When it comes to making
Decisions for them,

I not only have the right,
I have that responsibility.

This is really funny.

When you said we were gonna talk
About something

Other than shoes,

I thought you meant
Other types of footwear.

Where am I today?

[ laughs ]

Well, I'm sorry,
Miss manning.

I'm sure I must have
Caught you off guard.

That is okay.

We will be all over
The evening news.

Well, I'm not so sure
About that.

Talking about books isn't
As colorful as burning them.

I didn't do that
As a publicity stunt.

I want that garbage
Out of our lives.

I agree with you,
Senator.

Some of the filth I see out
There makes me sick, too,

But that's
Not the issue here.

The issue here
Is censorship.

Have you forgotten

That we are guaranteed certain
Freedoms in the constitution?

The first amendment

Was not intended
To protect smut peddlers.

Once again, senator,
That's not the issue.

The issue is censorship.

Who is to decide what smut is
And what smut isn't?

There are still just and decent
People in this country

Quite capable
Of filling that role.

Like yourself, senator?

Oh, I think I'd make
An excellent judge.

You've seen my list of offensive
Materials, I believe.

Yes, I have, and I must admit
That there are some things

That I find objectionable
Which are not on the list.

Just tell me what they are.
I'll be glad to add them.

Ohh, so you think I'd make
An excellent judge, too?

Well,
I-I-I'm sure you would.

You're a decent,
Responsible man.

Thank you.

Miss manning,

Are there any books
That you find objectionable

That the senator
Hasn't included?

Well, I really don't have time
To read books,

But there are
Some tv shows

Where the women
Just run and bounce,

And I just don't
Consider that entertainment.

And I agree with you.

I think we should put shows
Of that type on the list.

So you think miss manning would
Be an excellent judge, too?

Why don't you drop the theatrics
And make your point?

Well, the point is this,
Senator --

Everyone has something
They find objectionable.

How about you people
In the audience?

Anything you'd like to
Contribute to the bonfire?

Man:
The dictionary!

Woman:
How about the --

Should we have somebody
Writing this down?

I don't think we need anyone
To write it down, miss manning.

I'm sure the senator
Sees my point.

No, I don't.

[ chuckles ] at the risk
Of being redundant, senator,

The point
Is simply this --

That everyone finds some
Book or film objectionable.

If all these
Excellent judges

Added their choices
To your list,

We'd have nothing left
To read, see, or hear.

So you'd let anybody hide
Behind the first amendment?

No, senator.
They're not hiding --

They're
Exercising their rights.

And you support that?

Yes, I do.

Well, if the klan
Marched down main street

Delivering their vile message,
Would you support that?

Support it, no.

Recognize their right
To do it, yes, I would.

So your answer to the problem
Is to do nothing.

Put the responsibility back
In the family where it belongs.

Well, this legislation
Is meant to help the family.

Come on, senator.

Morality isn't spread
Through legislation --

It's spread by example.

Don't we have
Any responsibility?

Well...

Abe lincoln said that
The responsibility of government

Is to do for the people what
They cannot do for themselves.

It seems to me
That this is something

That people
Can do for themselves.

But they need the power of
Government to back them up.

No, they don't.

They have
A stronger power --

The power of the consumer
To buy or not to buy.

I think the lieutenant governor
Makes a good point.

And I think that we would all
Like to be concerned consumers.

Am I right?

[ audience applauds ]

Well, I'm not sure I agree
With you, lieutenant governor,

But I am willing
To sit down with you

And see if we can
Make progress on this issue.

My door is always
Open to you, senator.

Well, I, for one, think
Both these public officials

Deserve our appreciation.

[ audience applauds ]

Isn't this great?

And I'm so glad
It happened on my show.

[ giggles ]
We'll do shoes tomorrow.

Coming up next --

Benson, I just had to say
To you, you were wonderful!

Ma'am, we are
Still on the air.

Well, uh...

Oh, we are?
[ chuckles ]

Hi, mrs. Cassidy.