07x04 - The Stranger

[bunniefuu]

[ thunder crashes ]

Man: this is a cap radio
News alert.

Our top story
On this halloween night --

Gale-force winds and rain

Continue to pelt capital city.

Several major highways
Have been flooded,

Isolating some of
The outlying regions.

Stay tuned to cap radio
For emergency flood news.

If you could put in
A good word, mr. Cassidy,

We've had enough rain.

[ thunder crashes ]

Okay, now, the national guard
Has been mobilized.

Check.

We've alerted
The army corps of engineers

And the state police.

Here.
I've got your tea.

Thank you, mrs. Cassidy.

Oh, it's so awful
Out there.

It was raining like this

The night mr. Cassidy
And I eloped.

He fell off the ladder
And broke his clavicle.

Almost ruined
Our honeymoon.

Almost? Almost?

Well, we've got plenty of
Volunteers filling sandbags.

That's wonderful.

Well,
It's small compensation

For missing a wonderful evening
In the theater.

Why does it always
Have to rain on my parade?

I hate to bring it
To your attention, clayton,

But it's raining
On everyone's parade.

Parade?
In this rain?

Why would anybody
Want to do that?

No, no, no.
There is no parade.

Oh, I see -- it's cancelled
Because of the rain.

There never was a parade.

Well, it's just as well.
This rain would have ruined it.

Governor, why don't you go
And get into some dry clothes?

Yeah, and hurry.

Your brain
Is beginning to mildew.

Sir, you do have
Your radio announcement

In minutes.

Daddy?

Oh, and, governor --
Yes, katie?

Oh, fine.

It's creepy upstairs.
Can I hang out with you guys?

Sure, honey.

Thanks.

[ ceramic breaking ]

Aaah!

What happened?

I don't know.
I don't know.

It's an old irish curse...

On halloween of all nights.

What curse?

If a teacup on all hallows' eve
Falls upon the floor,

Prepare your mortal self
To leave

For death is at the door.

Well, I don't get it.
What does it mean?

Kraus, it's a curse!
Don't pry!

Don't you see?

It means someone
Is going to die tonight.

[ thunder crashes ]

Kraus, your date's here.

Good evening.

I seek refuge
From the storm.

[ thunder crashes ]

And we're sandbagging here

Along the northern edge
Of highway .

Looks like we've got
Everything covered.

Don't we have enough to do
Without worrying about security?

That's your job, leary.

Did you find out anything

About that guy
Who flew into my office?

Not much. All he had on him
Was his business card.

"Travel arrangements.
G. Reaper."

[ howling ]

Did you hear that?

Uh, it must be
One of the guard dogs.

Sergeant leary, I think
We deserve an explanation.

How did the man get in?

Professionally speaking?

Beats me.

You haven't been nipping at
Your cold medicine again,

Have you, leary?

No, sir, I haven't had a drop
Since that talk we had.

Well, where is he now?

He's downstairs in security
Until we can decide his fate.

Well,
Maybe we should cuff him

So he doesn't magically appear
In another room.

Come on, the man was just trying
To get in out of the rain.

He hasn't
Done anything wrong.

Benson's right.

Sergeant leary,
Take him to my office.

I'll talk to him later.
Right, sir.

Sir,
I don't think it's wise

To let that weirdo
In your office.

The man dresses like the
Proprietor of a t*rture chamber.

He's probably just on his way
To a halloween party.

Yeah, besides,
How would it look

If the governor refused shelter
To a man in distress?

He's not a man.

He's the irish curse.

He's a specter of death
Living amongst us.

He may be the specter of death,
But he's certainly not irish.

Did you feel how cold it got
In there when he appeared?

Well, of course it got cold.
The doors blew open.

But, benson --

Benson, it was
A different kind of cold...

From another dimension.

Oh, you're
From another dimension.

Kraus, you're not helping.

[ thunder crashes ]

Aaaah!

It's the curse come true.

Someone is going to die
Tonight.

Kraus, could you go
Lay her down somewhere?

Uh-huh.

Mrs. Cassidy,
Won't you like to lie down?

No.

Well, um, how about
A vodka gimlet?

Now you're talking.

[ laughs ]
What a pinhead.

Tonight you'll have to be
A little bit more specific.

Who's a pinhead?

I was thinking about
Mrs. Cassidy.

Clayton, you shouldn't make fun
Of people's beliefs.

Oh, sir, believing
That death has come to call

In the form of mr. Reaper?

[ howling ]

That is a dog, isn't it?

Superstitions and myth --

Why do people make up all
These conjectures about death?

Because we don't know
The whole story.

So far, no one's sent us
A postcard from the other side.

Well, now, that's not true.

There was this man in houston
Who d*ed on the operating table,

And he came back.

To houston?

I believe so.

Anyway, he said that heaven
Was a great green field

With lights all around

And a hole
In the middle of the sky.

Oh, balderdash.

That's not heaven.
That's the astrodome.

[ thunder crashes ]

Okay, here's one
You're never gonna get.

Jerry garcia is part
Of which popular rock group?

The grateful dead.

[ thunder crashes ]

You win again.

So, how's the game going?

He's k*lling me.

A figure of speech,
Mind you.

How'd you like to play,
Daddy?

Uh, no, thank you, honey.

I've got to make an emergency
Announcement on cap radio.

You're gonna be
On cap radio?
Uh-huh.

I'll go listen to you.

See you later.
Good luck.

Your card says
You're in the travel business.

What sort of trips
Do you arrange?

Well, I specialize
In one-way journeys.

One-way.
How do they get back?

They generally don't.

Though not long ago, there
Was a man in houston --

Shh!
I'm on radio.

Hello, cap radio.
This is governor gatling.

No, I don't have a request.

I have an emergency
Announcement.

I'm on hold.

I haven't known
This kind of weather

Since last I have
Passed through here.

Oh, so you have been
Around here before?

Oh, yes.

A few years ago,
I arranged a journey

For travelers
From iron town.

Iron town?
I never heard of it.

Are you sure
It's around here?

Quite sure.

Oh, hello, howard.

Yes, I'm ready
For the announcement.

[ clears throat ]

This is governor gatling.

Good evening,
Fellow citizens.

As you know,
This is halloween.

But because
Of the severity

Of this terrible,
Terrible storm --

Governor.
Excuse me.

Keep it light.

People are worried enough
Already.

Because of these
Showers tonight,

I am asking all of you
Good parents of capital city

To keep your little goblins
At home this evening.

And let's just
Put our candy away

And have halloween
Another night.

I know I'm going to put
All my wax lips

And my candy corn

And my chocolate kisses
Away in the cupboard.

Oh, I just love those
Kind of candies, don't you?

They used to have little dots,
And they were on --

Governor [mumbling]

Oh.

Well, I guess
That's about all.

Happy halloween.
Good night.

Back to you, howard.

Was that okay?

Yeah, it was to the point

And yet it had all
The folksy charm of a candygram.

Oh, I'm sorry we've been
Neglecting you, sir.

Pretty busy around here
This evening.

Something I can get you,
Mr. Reaper?

[ howling ]

That dog's beginning
To get on my nerves.

Perhaps the animal
Is sensing something.

[ telephone rings ]

Hello.

Yes,
This is governor gatling.

What?

Well...

Uh, all right.

Uh, just keep me posted.

Right.

What is it now?

A school bus
From central high school

Is missing kids
And the driver.

They think it went
Into the river.

I'll get on it right away.

When will it end?

[ thunder crashes ]

Isn't that man's
Eternal question?

When?

When will it end?

[ thunder crashes ]

This is terrible,

And it's all the fault
Of that mr. Reaper.

[ howling ]

What is the matter
With that dog?

I've noticed
That he does that

Every time
We mention you-know-who.

Mr. Reaper.

[ howling ]

I-I-it is just
A coincidence.

I don't know.

Maybe all of our troubles have
Something to do with mister --

Don't say it!

You'll wear that dog out.

What's going on?

Insanity is going on,
And it's not going to stop

Until we have security
Throw that man out.

Security can't stop him.
Nothing can stop him.

He's not of this world.

He's not of this world?
Maybe kraus can stop him.

What's wrong
With mrs. Cassidy?

Well, honey, see, mrs. Cassidy
Believes that...

[ whimpers ]

Uh, well...

Well said, governor.

She thinks that that weirdo
In your father's office

Is death.

Well, he's cute
But not devastating.

No, no, katherine.

She thinks
He's the specter of death,

Stalking the earth
On halloween,

Harvesting his victims.

[ laughs evilly ]

You're spitting on me,
Clayton.

Everybody calm down now.

He's a traveler
Lost in the storm

Whose name happens to be
Mr. Reaper.

[ howling ]

Oh, benson,
I'm so scared.

Get off of me.

Get off of me!

Well, all this howling
Und stuff

Is giving me
The goose bumples.

Let's settle this.

Let's go have a talk
With mr. G. Reaper!

[ silence ]

[ thunder crashes ]

That's strange.

[ thunder crashes ]

Phew.

Sergeant leary,
Why is it so cold in here?

I don't know.

I turned the thermostat
Up to degrees.

It got colder.

Okay,
You can wait outside.

Thank you.

Yes, mr. Dubois?

I was expecting you.

Please sit down.

Oh, that's okay.
It won't take that long.

Um, actually, I'm embarrassed
To say this.

What is it?

My friends in the kitchen
Have this notion

That your name --
G. Reaper --

Stands for grim reaper.

You must get that
All the time.

Yes, I do.

[ chuckles nervously ]

Well, what do you say

When people say
They think you're death?

I tell them the truth.

I am death.

[ chuckles ]

That must k*ll them.

Usually.

But do you think
You're death?

I don't believe it.

Then, what would you
Require of me as proof?

Oh, I don't know.

Green card, passport,
Driver's license.

Show me something.

You guys got a union?

I have something infinitely
More impressive than that.

Let me see it, babe.

Will that do?

Oh, yeah, that'll do it.

But, uh, what
I want to know is --

Why are you here?

The schoolchildren
On the bus.

Please don't take them.

Their lives
Are just getting started.

Mr. Dubois,
I'm merely doing my job.

Look, what do those kids
Mean to you?

You're gonna get them
Someday anyway.

What are you getting at?

I want you
To leave the kids alone.

You challenge death,
Mr. Dubois?

Well, if you want
To call it that.

Better yet, call it a game.

Let's play a game.

If I win, you leave the state
Empty handed.

And if I win?

If you win, then the tour
Goes on as planned

With one more seat
Reserved for me.

I, um...

Don't usually do this,
Mr. Dubois.

But you're such
An unusual fellow.

Oh,
You'd be quite a prize

If I could
Bring you in early.

Then you'll do it?
Yes.

But I will choose the game.

Trivia.

Well, what about
If we played --
Trivia.

Okay.

Now, the first to answer three
Questions correctly wins.

You may ask
The first question.

Okay.

What's the lowest point
In the united states?

Death valley.

You made me pick this card.

Death always plays fair.

Now your first question.

Who recorded
The rock 'n' roll classic

"Tutti frutti"?

Little richard.

Correct.

Okay.

Your second question.

What body of water
Is , feet below sea level?

The dead sea.

You sure
You're not cheating?

[ thunder crashes ]

You've heard them say
He cheated death,

But you have never heard them
Say death cheated him.

All right, all right.
Okay, relax.

Ask your next question.

Muhammad ali,
Formerly known as --

Cassius clay.

Please allow me
To complete the question.

...Formerly known
As cassius clay,

Won his first
Heavyweight championship

By defeating what boxer?

Sonny liston.

Great.

Okay.

Okay, your third question.

What movie
Starring charles bronson

Spawned two sequels?

Hmm?

Charles bronson?

Quit stalling.

I really
Should get out more,

Go to the movies, relax.

Come on.
Answer the question.

I don't know.

"Death wish."

Oh, begorra!

I win.

No.

Not until you answer
The third question.

All right. All right.

Ask the third question.
Let's get this over with.

In the tv series
"Green acres,"

Starring eddie albert
And eva gabor,

What was the name
Of the pig?

The pig.

The pig on "Green acres."

Who watches -- eh.

[ sighs ]

Well, it wasn't mr. Ed.
He's a horse.

It wasn't flipper.
He's a dolphin.

It wasn't the fonz.

The pig on "Green acres."

Ahh!

Arnold!

Arnold was the name
Of the pig!

Arnold ziffel!

Where did that come from?

You win.

[ telephone rings ]

The governor will get it.

The storm
Is going to subside,

And I must leave.

I'm going to miss you,
Mr. Dubois...

But only for a while.

Well, what about
The schoolchildren?

As I said,
Death plays fair.

Well...

Enjoy the time
That you've won...

For life passes
Just like this.

[ thunder crashes ]

[ echoing ]
Charles bronson?

Benson,
I just got a phone call.

The children are safe.
Everybody's safe!

It's a miracle!

Yeah.

That's wonderful.

Come on in the kitchen.
We're celebrating.

In a minute.

Iron...Iron...

Iron ore.

Iron town -- here it is.

Small mining community

Founded in ,

Completely destroyed
In the flood of .

people...

...d*ed.

Well, god bless you,
Arnold ziffel, wherever you are.