03x02 - Quarantine: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am. Y-Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

Yeah.

We will definitely be
open this weekend.

I personally won't be
here, but someone will be.

Unless the weather's
especially nice.

No, it's miserable.

Yes, ma'am. I don't mean
in here. I mean out there.

Sorry for the interruption.

Yeah, yeah. Could we
speed this up a little?

I got a job to get back to.

Yeah. Address?

Hotel Greenwich, Room .

You know, this is
entrapment, what you cops did.

Birth date?

Uh, February , postwar.

... ' !

Listen, I wasn't
doing anything wrong.

I was just talking to him.

What did you ask
him for bucks for?

On a whim.

Occupation?

Human relations consultant.

Just put it down.

[LAUGHING]

[SNIFFING]

Ah!

Hey, what time you got, Fish?

Quarter to .

Oh, man, I wanna
get home fast tonight.

Aren't you lucky?

You see, I'm taking this
very, very special young lady

to the theater tonight.

I had to pay a scalper
bucks for the tickets,

you know, because she's
really dying to see this show,

you know, but I figured
it would be worth it,

just to get our relationship
started off on the right track.

I'm hoping she'll be
grateful all weekend,

you know what I mean?

You must be telling me all this

because there's no
one else available.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Harris? Do me a
favor. Yeah, Barney.

Could you find the, uh,
Criminal Procedure Code

and, uh, would
you file this for me?

Sure, right away, Barn.

And would you do something
about the way you look?

Me? What's the matter with me?

You're kempt, Harris.

It's degrees.

The rest of us are
wrinkled, dripping wet.

You're making us look bad.

I'll try, Barney, but, uh,

you're making it pretty rough.

Over here. Hey, give me a break,

I think I'm having a stroke.

Yeah, right. What
do we got here?

His name is, uh, Phillip Dupree.

Tried to rip off a
warehouse over by the river.

I wasn't stealing.
I didn't feel good.

I was just looking for
a place to lie down.

Yeah. Breaking
into a box of radios.

I was getting some
excelsior to make a bed.

He tried to jump in the river.

This man may
have saved your life.

Why? I can swim.

In that river, you don't
drown, you dissolve.

Barney?

That's the only
ID he had on him.

Passport?

Hey, is it always
this hot in here?

No, it usually cools down
around the middle of November.

Hey, could I get something
cold? I'm burning up.

Hold on.

Thailand?

Hong Kong.

Pakistan. Ethiopia.

Monaco.

You really get around,
Mr. Dupree. I envy you.

Yeah, well, I don't
like to be tied down.

You know, trapped in one place.

I gotta be free, like an eagle.

You know what I mean?

You talking to me?

Hey, uh, Dupree,
what's your address?

Oh, various.

Your last address.

Che Guevara
Plaza. Luanda, Angola.

Third floor, rear.

Here, try this.

Coffee?

If you're gonna cool off,
you drink something hot.

It's physics.

Where'd you learn that?

It was on the back
of a jar of coffee.

Fish?

Yeah.

Give me a hand with
these precinct reports.

I wanna get out of
here early tonight.

Oh, you got something
special planned for tonight?

As soon as I get
home and packed,

Liz and I are off
to this little hotel,

south shore of Jersey,

just the two of
us, couple of days.

Sounds very nice. Mm.

How about you and
Bernice? Got some plans?

Yeah. She's got
hers and I got mine.

Okay, Dupree,
come on, on your feet.

Come on. All right.

Hey, I don't feel so...

Wojo, get a doctor.

Give me your coat.

[SIGHS]

It was a fresh pot.

Kogen, get a medical
person down here, will you?

[♪♪♪]

Ah, I'm burning up!

What do you say, doc?

He's running almost . I
need some cold compresses.

We've got some towels, don't we?

We had one, but the nap
wore off four years ago.

It'll do fine. Get it.

No good. We threw
it away. It cracked.

Bring anything. Rags,
paper towels, cold water.

Hey, listen.

Listen, you run this
place. Can't you help me?

Look, not now, please. Not now.

Oh, great. Wonderful.

Hey, when can I get out of here?

My time is valuable. As is ours.

Not like hers.

Listen, can't you
finish writing me up?

Sorry, we work on commission.

You got a sense of humor.

That always turns a woman on.

How long you been a cop?

I was the first.

Look, I'm telling
you it's all right.

I don't like this place.

Well, he helped us
the last time, didn't he?

Yes, but he didn't enjoy it.

[DUPREE BABBLING INCOHERENTLY]

Oh, God. We've
walked in on a purge.

Marty, what can we do for you?

May we see Captain Miller?

He's busy. He'll
be right with you.

DUPREE: Oh, please no!

Why don't we come back
sometime when he isn't working?

Has there been an accident?

Uh, not that we've
seen anything.

You mean him? No,
he just sort of collapsed.

I've heard of that.

He's running a fever.
Doctor's having a look at him.

Tension.

Fear of death,
that sort of thing.

Barn, no paper towels,

but I found pair of
socks in my locker.

Guess he was sick, huh? Yeah.

Finish booking him and
make out a transfer sheet

in case we have to
send him to the hospital.

Uh, good afternoon.

Oh, hello, Marty.
Hello, captain.

Uh...

Mr. Driscoll and I would like
a few moments of your time.

You remember
Mr. Driscoll. Driscoll.

Captain Miller.
Detective Wojciehowicz.

Oh, uh, yeah. Hi, how you doing?

Just the same. Ha-ha.
You haven't changed.

Uh... Me? No, I haven't changed.

[CHUCKLES]

I ain't never gonna change.

Charming.

Could we see you in
your office, captain?

Certainly. Certainly.

Hey, uh, buddy, how do
you get an outside line here?

Uh, dial . Uh, doc, what...?

What do you think he's got?

Thank you.

I'm gonna need a
large piece of cardboard.

What for? And a marking pen.

Why? What...? What
are you gonna do?

With a big wide point.

What's he need cardboard
and a marking pen for?

I don't know. I ain't a doctor.

"Supreme Court
upholds anti-gay statute."

Nine old men who
dress up in black robes,

and they say we're peculiar.

"Defers to states' rights."

Yes, I'm familiar with this
decision. What about it?

We wanna go to California.

San Francisco, actually.

Darryl used to live there.

The gay community is
prominently represented in industry,

business, city government,

the police force. Just
like everywhere else.

But the law is fair
and sophisticated.

We have been
accepted in California.

There's still a
few hostile areas.

Uh, Fresno, San Clemente.

Okay, if you think you'll
be happier in California,

by all means,
goodbye and good luck.

Well, there's only one trouble.

I'm still on probation
for shoplifting.

Have you spoken to
your probation officer

for permission to leave?

Well, I was hoping
you'd speak to him first.

I need someone for
a character reference.

Character? Me?

Marty, I've had you
arrested six times.

I need someone who's
known me for two years.

WOJO: Barney?

Barney, we're being quarantined.

Quarantined? What for?

I don't know. The doctor's
putting a sign up right now.

My bail ticket is on its way
over. I wanna get out of here.

Not now!

Have some more of these made up

and put them at every
entrance on this floor.

Look, what have we got?

Well, I'm not sure yet.
Well, what do you suspect?

Well, according to the
symptoms, other indications,

could be one of two things:
chicken pox or smallpox.

Smallpox? Smallpox?

Oh, God, I already
have a bad complexion.

Does that mean we
gotta stay here all night?

What? You mean we can't go home?

Don't get excited until
we know that it's true.

That's exactly the situation.

Till we know what
we're dealing with,

no one goes in
or out of this room.

Oh, man!

You people and your
flimsy constitutions!

But we can't all sleep up here.

We'll be jammed
together like sardines.

Uh, Barn? Uh...

I can't stay cooped
up here all night.

Ah, relax. Uh, can't...

Can't we just wash and sneak
out the back way or something?

Just relax. Just take it easy.

Take it easy. There's
nothing we can do about this,

so let's just get organized

and try and make it a little
more comfortable for everyone.

Get Kogen on the phone. Tell
him nobody comes in or out.

And tell him, uh,
downstairs in the storeroom

there are some cots.

We'll need blankets and pillows.

Uh, have them stack
it outside the door.

We'll need it for three,
six... There'll be eight of us.

Boys. Hi, Barney.

Come on, what's this?
Some kind of joke?

[SIGHS]

Nine.

Yeah, mm-hm. Bernice... Bernice,

it's by order of the Health
Department. What can I do?

I'll come home when
they lift the quarantine.

Yes, Bernice, I realize
this is the first time

since we're married
we've slept apart.

The change will do us both good.

All right.

Doc, I don't seem to be
getting through to you.

I got a lot of precincts
out there to worry about.

I ain't been in here long
enough to catch a cold.

Excuse me, captain.
BARNEY: Yeah?

Where else could this man

have come in close
contact with anyone?

Wojo.

Now, what did you do with Dupree

from the minute
you picked him up?

Well, I put him the
car. Were you alone?

No, I had two uniforms.

And then?

Uh, I brought him right here.

Uh, brought him in, we
booked him downstairs,

uh, took him, we gave him
mug sh*ts, fingerprints...

He's been throughout
the building.

Well, you say, "If you're
gonna do something, do it right.

Nothing half..."
Right, right right!

I'm gonna have to
quarantine the whole building.

The whole precinct?

We're not fooling around
with athlete's foot here, buddy.

I'm gonna take Dupree
down to the hospital.

Well, what about us?
Don't we get any sh*ts, pills?

No. Advice?

Well, if it turns
out to be smallpox

and you've been inoculated,
you should be okay.

If you haven't, it
wouldn't help anyway.

Barn, I don't know if I've
been inoculated. Have you?

Sure, but not since the Army.

That long ago.

There is one more
thing. What's that?

Who's paying for this?

The city.

I was afraid of that.

Smallpox, eh?

Why don't you take a
bath once in a while?

Well, look, did she say
where she was going?

Look, I'm supposed to meet her

at the theater tonight at : .

Is she coming back?

Well, look, if she does,

tell her to call me
at the th, okay?

Yeah, thanks.

Oh, man. This is blowing
my whole weekend, man.

Might not be so bad.
You play klabiash?

[PHONE RINGING]

Yemana. Oh, Barney.

Ah? Yeah, thanks, Kogen.

Kogen's got the stuff out.

Oh, good. Bring it in.

Harris, will you
give Nick a hand?

Oh, yeah. Sure, Barney.

Wojo, might as well take
a run down to the desk.

Tell them to put up some
signs, close the doors.

Tell them we're
temporarily out of business.

All right, Barn. Uh, hey,

are you kidding me? Am I
really stuck here for the night?

That's the way it looks.

You been inoculated?

For what?

Smallpox.

Oh. Oh, uh... Let
me check my list.

That's the way it goes, huh
Barney? I'll be in your office.

Sure.

Uh, excuse...

Excuse me. Ha-ha.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Well, uh, looks like we're
all gonna be roughing it

here together for
tonight, huh? Mm.

My name's Luger,
Frank Luger, inspector.

Uh, Darryl Driscoll.
Driscoll, how you doing?

Hey, nice sweater.

Oh, thank you. Hand-crocheted.

Give me that again?

I said, it's
hand-crocheted, from Italy.

I thought so.

I finally got somebody to feed
the dog and put out the lights.

Good. Oh, this is my friend,
Marty Morrison. Inspector...?

Luger, Luger. Frank
Luger, N.Y.P.D.

My pleasure.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Excuse me.

Barney? What?

Where'd you pick up
the Lavender Hill Mob?

Uh, they were just visiting.

I told him I liked his sweater.

Pretty close, huh?

I'll be in your
office. Cover me.

[PHONE RINGING]

Italy, hm?

Okay, hang on.

Kogen's holding. How's
it going down there?

Little panic. Nothing serious.

He wants to know whether
he can have his blankets,

cots and pillows back
again. Tell him no.

You sure? There are
men down there.

They're armed.

There are plenty to
go around down there.

We're responsible
for the well-being

of the civilians in our custody.

Something smells
like World w*r II.

Sorry.

What are we gonna do about food?

Oh, headquarters will
probably send something.

They won't.

Call Grossman's. Order enough
sandwiches for everybody,

something to drink.

That's almost
sandwiches. Okay.

You got any money?

Sign for it.

I'll give him an official, uh,
Police Department voucher.

That'll fool him.

[LAUGHS]

Nothing for smallpox.

Sorry.

Well, listen, you can't
figure on everything.

Hey, man, listen, it's
a beautiful show, man.

Yeah, I got fantastic
seats, and, look,

all I'm asking is what
I paid for the seats.

Huh?

Seventy-five dollars.

H-Hello? Hello?

Cretin.

Hi.

Hello.

I'm Polly Kapshaw.

How do you do?

What's your name?

Fish.

Fish what?

Phillip K. Fish.

You married, Phil?

Completely.

I was married once.

I didn't like it.

Oh, that's a darned shame.

Mm, yeah, we got a
divorce after five months.

Well,

some of us are more
fortunate than others.

Yeah, man. Look, okay,
look, here's what you do.

You meet a Miss Regina
Gregory at the box office at : .

Yeah, explain to
her what happened

and give her one of the
tickets. Yeah, hey, look,

just scalp that other one off
for whatever you can get, huh?

Hey, man, listen, don't be
telling me about what's illegal.

I am a police officer.

Harris, you ever gonna
get off that phone?

Oh. Yeah, sure, Barney.

All right, let's everybody
grab a cot. Come on.

It's not that hard to
put together. Let's go.

Come on. What are
we supposed to do?

Find someplace where you
think you'll be comfortable.

We have. California.

BARNEY: Marty,
just think of this

as a temporary setback.

Put the cot wherever
you think it'll fit, okay?

Where? Anywhere.

You can't go downstairs.
It's too crowded.

Stay off the stairways
and the fire exits, okay?

What about your office?

There's only room for
one cot plus the couch,

and with inspector Luger
here... You know, protocol.

Well, chacun à son goût.

[SIGHS]

Barney?

What kind of a relationship
is that, you know?

Two men should have
for each other like that?

It's weird, huh?

Wouldn't you think they'd
try and follow the examples

set by nice guys like
you and me? Hm?

I mean, you know, we're friends,

but there's nothing
filthy about it, right, Barn?

What do you suppose
is wrong with them?

Well, a lot of different
theories, inspector.

Most doctors would say it has
to do with family relationships.

A... A... A very
weak father. Ah!

Ah, that's what
saved me, Barney.

My old man was tough
as nails, you know?

We got out of line, we
didn't say, "yes, sir, no sir,"

backhand would knock
you half across the room.

Ooh-hoo. My old man was tough.

Not as tough as my mother.

Uh, Barn? BARNEY: Yeah?

Excuse me. Uh, I found
smallpox in the dictionary.

Uh, it won't be necessary, Wojo.

Uh, Barn. "Smallpox:

"An acute, highly contagious,
sometimes fatal disease

"caused by a virus
and characterized

"by an inflammatory fever

"and the eruption of
deep-seated pustules

that leave permanent scars."

Thank you.

Wait till you hear
what pustules are.

No. It won't be necessary.

Barn...

I think I'll recognize
it when I see them.

Barney, it says you
can die from it. All right.

You must be joking. You can die?

BARNEY: All right,
let's just take it easy.

Let's not dwell on it.

I mean, we don't even
know if the man had it.

Besides, if you've been
inoculated you're probably safe.

Oh, have we been inoculated?

Mine's run out. I haven't
been to Europe for seven years.

Oh.

You've been to Europe?

Uh, Nick? Yeah?

What do you think the odds
are of a guy having smallpox?

Oh, -to- .

Hm.

See, uh, the thing is Nick,

I was all over the
guy, you know?

Don't worry about it.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it appears we're gonna be
spending the next hours or so

in each other's company.

Now, it's hot, it's
uncomfortable,

so let's try to make it as easy
as possible on one another.

Let's keep a happy thought.

Let's not just sit around
staring at one another.

Let's try to be constructive.

Well, it's a start.

[♪♪♪]