03x08 - Noninvolvement

[bunniefuu]

Nick, file this for
me, would you?

Yeah. Where's Wojo?

Late.

I trust someone will inform
him I do not approve?

It's Harris' turn.

Thank you.

What about the new third
grade? What's her name?

Uh, Battista, right? Yep.

She went out for some doughnuts.

Is that her responsibility?

It's her money.

My God.

What's the matter?

They're crazy.

"Police Pension Fund
Financial Report." Not good?

Barney, look at the junk
they're investing our money in.

Twelve hundred
and thirty-two shares

in the First Women's
Bank and Trust Company.

I've heard of it.

Well, what kind of a
ridiculous institution is that?

They cater to single women
who are financially independent.

Come to think of it, so do I.

Thirty years I've been
contributing to this fund

and... And they gamble
it away on women.

I could have done that
myself. And quicker.

I wouldn't exactly call
investing in a women's bank

gambling.

It's different.

Uh, you may even
say progressive,

but gambling...? How
many shares was that?

Twelve hundred and thirty-two.

That's my lucky number.

Twelve hundred and
thirty-two is your lucky number?

Mind-boggling, isn't it?

I'm gonna call the
administrator of the pension fund.

What for?

He's using my money,

he can use my advice too.

I don't understand
this. I didn't do anything.

Nothing. I am
absolutely innocent.

Who among us can say that?

Come on, come on.
Over here. Get in there.

Take it easy. Come on.

All right, all right. Be quiet.

All right, all right.

What've we got here?

Uh, this is Mrs. Hanson, Barn.

I stepped off the
subway onto the platform

and I see this guy rip
off her purse and take off.

Yeah, it was leather

and it had a hand-tooled
shoulder strap

and little bronze buckles.

Very tasteful.

[INAUDIBLE]

You're late.

Barney doesn't care for that.

I was working.

It's okay. Okay, Wojo. Good job.

Yeah, except the guy got away.

Well, who's that?

It's Al Mitchell.

What did he do?

Absolutely nothing.

That's what I'm
trying to tell you!

I hope you didn't feel
obligated to arrest just anybody.

No, no, it ain't that, Barn.

He... He just stood there
and watched it happen.

He didn't lift a finger
to help this lady.

He j-just stood there and
watched her get ripped off.

So I arrested him.

On what charge?

Non-involvement.

[♪♪♪]

Hello? Is this the
Police Pension Fund?

I'd like to speak to
the director, please.

It's about my future.

Tell them it' gent.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

Okay...

Taking off the cuffs now,

so just be careful of
those hands, honey.

We got a real
sickie here, captain.

Indecent exposure.

I don't see any doughnuts.

Undependable.

I was on my way to the bakery

when Mr. Yusick over
here comes over to me

and asks me if I got
change for a quarter.

So I whip open my purse...

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

So slam the cuffs on him.

If I had known she was a
cop, I never would have done it.

Oh...

Ignorance of the law
is no excuse, mister.

What?

Uh, it's true, Nick.

Hm.

Would it make any
difference to you

if I told you that I
was in group therapy?

No difference. Maybe.

Maybe.

You see... You see, there are...
There are many of us around

with the same problem.

Then this is not the first
time it's happened, huh?

Do I have to answer
that now? No.

Have you been read
your rights? Yes, sir.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Book him.

Make arrangements with Bellevue.
Give him his one phone call.

Come on.

What about me? You
keep your pants on.

He didn't and he gets a call.

We'll get to you when
we're ready to get to you.

BARNEY: Wojo.

Barney wants to
see you in his office.

I wasn't late.

Wojo, we'll find something
else to talk about.

Oh, all right, Barn.

Excuse me.

Come on.

You know...

You know, we... We talk a lot
about our childhood in therapy.

You know, behavior of this
sort is rooted in our early years.

What's the matter, you
never heard of baseball?

I... I was never very
good at sports, you know?

It's okay, honey.
You're getting better.

Barn, it's a
good bust. I... I...

The guy just stood there.
He... He refused to help.

Despicable, I
agree. But illegal?

It's in the penal
code. I read it.

Wojo, the Assistance Law,
Section -point-something,

states that a person
must help a police officer

if the police officer
identifies himself as such

and requests assistance.

Did you identify yourself
and request assistance?

Well... [SCOFFS]

not in so many words.

How many words?

Two.

What'd you say?

"Grab him."

"G him"?

Wojo, how was the man
supposed to know you were a cop?

Well... I said it
with authority.

You know, Harris,
I just figured out

that if the stock market
keeps going down

and the cost of
living keeps going up,

the Pension Fund can
still keep me going for life

if I cut my style
of living percent

and if I don't live too long.

I mean, uh, you know,

those investment guys, I
mean, they what they're doing.

Stop worrying. That's
easy for you to say.

You're not retiring next year.

Well, by the time I retire,

there may not be a
world left to retire in.

Well, don't count on it.

BATTISTA: What's your
profession, Mr. Yusick?

YUSICK: Uh, I'm a
stock market analyst.

Hello, Lyle?

This is Charlie Yusick.

Yeah, I'm afraid I, uh... I
had a slight regression, Lyle.

Yeah, could you come
down to the, uh...?

Uh, th Precinct right away?

Oh, thanks.

Thanks. Bye-bye, Lyle.

Hello, Harris. Got
here as fast as I could.

Anybody call Arnold
Ripner, counselor-at-law?

Nice try, Arnold. Sorry.
Don't give me that.

We can't all be in
Rockefeller Center.

Some of us prefer to
practice our profession

at the grassroots level
within reach of the little man.

You're a regular William
Jennings Bryan, aren't you?

You're damn right.

Arnold Ripner, Ripner
and Associates. And you?

I don't need a lawyer.

How do you know?
I didn't do nothing.

Don't give me principles.
You wanna get off?

Hey, come on, Arnold.
Stop soliciting, huh?

Live and let live,
will you, Harris?

Nick. Yeah?

What did he do?

Don't ask me. He's,
uh, Wojo's collar.

How do you do?
Ripner and Associates.

Arnold Ripner. Ah-ah.

Victim.

Take a card in case
you're thinking of revenge.

How is it, Mrs. Hanson?

It tastes like pencils.

That's not the coffee.

That's the cup.

Okay, Mr. Yusick.

The procedure now is downstairs

for fingerprints
and photographs.

Is that the procedure?
Fingerprints and photographs.

What did I tell you?

Downstairs for fingerprints
and photographs.

Yusick? Yusick.

Uh, Mr. Yusick?

Here. Oh... Oh, no, no, no.

Uh, no, my lawyer is
already on his way down.

Don't be cocky. I had
an uncle went like that:

All right, you can,
uh... You can go.

What do you mean I can go?

I mean you can
go. Come on, b*at it.

Well, am I still under arrest?

[SIGHS]

Nope.

Why?

We changed our minds
about holding you, that's all.

How come?

Would you get out of that cage?

Now I want a lawyer.

You understand you're not
being charged with anything?

You're free to go.

I think I got a little
case of false arrest here.

Barn, how about that for
a total lack of gratitude?

Okay, okay. The man
wants to talk to a lawyer,

let him talk to a lawyer.

Fine, you can talk to a lawyer.

What did I do wrong, huh?

I witnessed a crime.

Is that a crime to
witness a crime?

Certainly not.

Ask the lady with the
coffee, what happened, huh?

I saw this guy
snatch your purse.

Am I right, lady
with the coffee?

You could've helped me.

I could've helped,
but I didn't gotta.

Excuse me.

May I help you?

I'm Lyle Farber, the attorney
for Mr. Charles Yusick.

Oh, sure. You were, uh...
You were here once before,

weren't you, Mr. Farber?

Yes. I was arrested last
year for indecent exposure.

What did he say?

He's a flasher.

But he said he was an attorney.

He does both.

Mr. Farber. Captain
Miller, remember?

How are you?
Very well, thank you.

I'm in group therapy.

I've been on the
wagon for over a year.

Congratulations.

Charlie... Mr. Yusick
and I are classmates.

I'm sorry he didn't reach me
before he went off the deep end.

It helps to talk to a
fellow compulsive.

Are you holding him up here?

Uh, yeah, he's downstairs
being printed and photographed.

Uh, may I wait up here?

Please, be my guest.

Thanks.

Uh, shares
Kensington Copper,

anotherh shares
Lewis Petroleum.

How do we stand? Not too bad.

The Police Pension
Fund is supposed to have

over a billion dollars.

I got a lawyer. And
we got a case, Barney.

It ought to cost this
city about $ million.

Give or take million.

Five million
dollars? You're nuts.

You had my client
locked up in there.

I was a witness to
that. Come on, Arnold,

your client refused to
assist a police officer.

That's against the law.

Now, we're just
choosing to overlook it.

Not so fast.

Now, what about the
inconvenience, the humiliation?

Wha...? What? Were you
humiliated, Mr. Mitchell?

Well, I... I... I...

And you didn't have that
stammer before, did you?

Uh... Yeah!

Besdies, you had no grounds

for arresting my
client in the first place.

Did you know that man
was a police officer?

Nope.

You did too.

You... How?

Were you wearing a uniform?

No, of course not.
I'm a detective.

Come on, Arnold. This
man must have known

there was a crime in progress.

Didn't you,
Mr. Mitchell? Hold it.

You don't talk. I talk.

Did you show him
any identification,

or did you just say,

"Take my word
for it, I'm a cop"?

I didn't have time
to show him nothing.

I just had time to
yell, "Grab him."

"Grab him"?

That's all?

What's wrong with that?

It's a little skimpy.

Come on, Arnold.

Your... Your client should
have known instinctively

that... That this man
was a police officer

just from the
authoritative way he acted.

[SIGHS] Thanks, Barn.

Huh?

I said, thanks, Barn.

You're welcome.

Incidentally, you'll all
be named in the suit

along with the
police commissioner,

the entire police force
and the city of New York.

Yeah, well, go ahead and try it.

Wojo, they don't need
any encouragement.

You got a copy of
the arrest report?

No, I'm... I'm not done yet.

I'll wait.

I hope you have a good
lawyer. I'm not available.

Do we have to
show it to him, Barn?

Yes, we have to show it to him.

While you're at it, you
might as well call Division.

Tell them what to expect.

They'll contact the
city attorney's office.

Okay. Uh, Barn.

I'm not worried.

Wonderful.

That'll give us all
something to cling to.

Okay, Mr. Yusick,
right this way, please.

Where do I go? Into the cage.

Into the cage? That's just
what I said, Into thMr. Yusick.

Oh, Lyle. Thank God you're here.

Don't excite yourself, Charlie.

Don't talk to the
prisoner, please.

I'm Mr. Yusick's attorney.

Well, wait till
hear what he did.

I know what he did.
I've done it myself.

What do you got, a team?

There are far worse crimes
committed by mankind

than a little aberrant
self-expression, young lady.

Go talk in the cage.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[CAGE DOOR CLOSES]

Uh, Mr. Yusick, uh,
are you acquainted

with the First Women's
Bank and Trust Company?

Oh, yeah.

Well, they're a very
exciting company.

But, uh, I... I don't do
business with them.

You know why, Lyle. You know...

Do you think they're risky?

Not for you.

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you, Mr. Yusick.

Yes, sir. H-hold on a second.

Listen, how long do I
have to hang around here?

Uh, as soon as we finish
the arrest report, Mrs. Hanson,

you can go. Is anyone
looking for my purse?

Uh, there was an APB
out on the guy right now.

Listen, there was
bucks in that purse

and a lot of very
expensive makeup.

Yes, ma'am.

Maybe I ought to sue you too.

What for?

Let's start with the coffee.

Yes, sir, I can understand that.

The city doesn't
need the headache.

But there is an
ambiguity in the law,

and Detective Wojciehowicz
did exercise his best judgment.

No, sir, I do not mean to
imply that's as good as it gets.

No, the expense,
the aggravation.

Settle it here. Yes, sir.

Mm-hm.

What'd they say?
What did they say?

They don't want the headache.
They want us to settle it here.

Well, that's a crummy attitude.

Wojo, they won't get
through today's court calendar

in our lifetime.

But the law says... I
know what the law says.

Well, don't you agree with
me? Yes, I agree with you.

But we are men
of high integrity.

The city can't afford us.

All right.

Get the, uh, arrest
report finished

and make sure that
Arnold gets a copy.

Arnold? Mm?

We'll have you out soon.
I've spoken to Division

and they have spoken to
the commissioner's office.

Little upset, are they? Oh, yes.

But they have informed
us that they will back us up

with every resource
at the city's command.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah.

Well, see you, Mr. Mitchell.

We'll see a lot of each other
the next four or five years.

Four of five years?

Sure, didn't your
attorney explain it to you?

This is a long and
drawn-out business.

I mean, there's
appearances, depositions.

It's gonna take a lot of time

and it's very expensive.

You didn't say expensive.

Don't worry. Don't you know
when you're getting a hype?

A hype? Come on, Arnold.
Your client is an intelligent man.

You can understand what...
What ramifications there would be

if the city caved in
on a case like this?

Can you imagine the retroactive
can of peas we would open up?

It could bury us.
Am I right, Arnold?

They would never let a
case like this go to court.

Mr. Mitchell. Yeah.

Tell me, uh, you ever
take a nice leisurely walk

in Central Park in the evening?

Me? Are you crazy?

Then you can understand
how the city needs

the goodwill of the
police department.

If you don't think they're
gonna back us up on this,

you got another thing coming.

Hey, I'm starting to
believe him myself.

Not me.

They turned down our
requisition for toilet paper.

You told me this was gonna
be one of them quick things.

Let's talk about it in the hall.

You told me they'd be nervous.

Stop talking. I am not talking.

You... You said they
didn't want trouble...

In the hall. That
they'd offer us money.

Wait, wait. What was that?

He said we'd get a
settlement and we'd split it.

Fifty-fifty? No, - .

Hey! Get in the hall!

Hey, Barn, that was beautiful.

You better be ready to settle.

Time's up.

We've got minutes.

Fifteen...? Fifteen minutes?

Yeah.

Okay, minutes.
But keep it snapping.

Lyle, you know, I'm
getting very nervous, Lyle.

You know the feeling when
you wanna take everything off

and run through the park naked?

[SNIGGERS]

Yeah.

Well, Lyle, I can't
stand it, you know?

I'm burning up, Lyle.

Ch-Charlie, as a lawyer
I'm telling you, don't do it.

As a friend, I think it's kicky.

Oh, yeah. Oh!

Hey, listen, folks!

I wanna go to the bathroom.

And I really mean it.

[PANTING]

Okay, okay. Just hold on a
minute. Wait... Take it easy.

It's okay. It's okay?

It's okay. He said
it's okay. It's okay.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Whoa! Whoa.

Uh, all right.

All right, we talked it over.

My client is willing
to settle for $ , .

Fifty-fifty. Big deal.

Uh, Barn? BARNEY: Yeah?

They, uh, want $ , .

A little settlement, Arnold?

ARNOLD: It's a possibility.

Talk it over with
the city attorney.

I already have.

Their attitude is
millions for defense,

not one cent for tribute.

Are you kidding? They
haven't got millions for defense.

Probably don't have
one cent for tribute either.

He's not kidding. They
already owe me money.

I bought three municipal bonds.
Try selling them sometimes.

Sure, $ , ?
Out of the question.

How about ? Will
you let me handle this?

The city is busted. Let's keep
this between me and them.

What do you say, ?

Uh, five what?

Thousand dollars.

You crazy? Where
am I gonna get $ ?

Well, don't cops carry
malpractice insurance?

No, but I'll tell them
you suggested it.

Your name will be on the lips

of every police officer in town.

Oh, man.

All right, then
make me an offer.

I haven't got any money.

Don't you own anything?

Uh... a bowling ball.

What kind of bowling ball?

Listen, you work it out.

I'll send you a bill.

What bill? I'm not
paying anything.

Then get a lawyer.

I'll handle it.

Thank you.

Listen, you call
me in the morning.

We'll arrange a settlement.
First thing in the morning.

Does it come with a case?

Uh, yeah.

Deal?

Yeah, okay.

Just a minute.

You're not one of them weirdos

that uses a two-finger
ball, are you?

Well, that's the only kind
I know how to bowl with.

A two-finger ball?

Well...

Then how about an apology?

[SIGHS]

Okay, I'm... sorry.

Forget it.

I think... I think
you did pretty good.

YUSICK: Lyle?

[CHUCKLING] I'm
coming out, Lyle.

And I'm naked.

Naked?

I've seen it before.

He wants to humiliate himself.

How about us?

Okay, now, listen to me, Yusick.

This is a police station,

and I wanna tell you...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]

Because if you come
out here looking like that,

you are gonna be
one sorry person.

[ADVANCING FOOTSTEPS]

[LAUGHING]

What, are you kidding us?

You're dressed.

Yeah, but wasn't it
exciting just to talk about it?

Get in the cage.

Uh, Bellevue, this is Harris
over at the th Precinct.

Yeah, send over a
cookie truck, will you?

[SIGHS]

Even with social security,
it's gonna be a miserable life.

Of course, we both
got life insurance.

If I die, Bernice will be okay.

Of course, if
Bernice dies first...

I... I wouldn't wanna live.

Not like this, anyway.

Sandwiches are here.

Oh, yeah.

You sent her out for lunch too?

Ah, I wanted to make
up for the doughnuts.

[CHUCKLES]

Roast beef.

Twenty-two hundred
dollars in municipal bonds

plus the savings account...

You still aggravating yourself?

Yeah, it gives you an idea

what you can look forward to.

If you're a friend,
you'll keep it to yourself.

Seventy percent of my base
pay on pension payments

minus $ a
month for insurance...

Tuna on rye? Yeah.

Dollar . Minus
a $ . comes to...

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]