05x21 - Identity

[bunniefuu]

Wanted to see me, sir?

Yes, levitt. We're still
a little shorthanded.

I'm going to have
to ask you to fill in.

Something the matter?

Well, it's my clothes.

What about them?

They're not plain... As in...

Plain clothes. I
figured that out.

I can be home and
back in an hour, sir.

Levitt, there's
no time for that,

And it really doesn't
make that much difference.

I beg to differ.

There's no time for
begging, either, levitt.

Yes, sir. I'll just hold those
thoughts until I sense a lull.

I appreciate that.

Come on in here.

Officer, what are you
getting so excited for?

So I made a little mistake.

Yeah you got caught.

Captain, how are you?

Mr. Kotterman, not...
Here. Another robbery?

Mmm... Fifth time,
but with a twist!

We caught one.

Congratulations.

Shut up.

His name is calvin j. Kendall.

I was walking by
mr. Kotterman's store,

And I kind of peeked
in through the window,

And here's this clown
holding a g*n on him.

Yeah, he was waving it in
my face, demanding money.

I wasn't demanding. I
was just joking around.

You threatened to
blow my head off!

I-i meant that
figuratively, not literally.

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't think I have
to answer that.

Wojo, book him.

Yo.

- Levitt?
- Sir?

Mr. Kotterman, officer levitt
will take your statement.

Can't you just use the
one I gave you last time?

I'm afraid not.

Oh, who cares?

It'll be kind of fun this time.
I get to put somebody away.

Nothing personal.
You understand.

Yeah, go ahead. Enjoy yourself.

Levitt: sir, have a seat.

I, uh, hope you'll forgive
the way I'm dressed.

Eh, forget it.

Thank you.

Mr. Kendall...

Is it possible we've met before?

Who, me?

Not unless you spent some
time up around billings, montana.

Billings, montana? No, never been there.

Don't feel bad.

It's kind of like
cleveland with sheep.

Wojo, let's, uh...

Let's run a check
on mr. Kendall here.

Sure, barn. On
your feet, kendall.

Come on, come on, come on!

Sit.

Th precinct. Wojciehowicz.

Yeah, kogan.

Harris and dietrich
were sh*t at?

Are they all right?

Okay, they were checking
out a disturbance. Who cares?

Are they all right?

They are.

Well, why didn't you
say so in the first place?

Well, think a minute, kogan!

That should have been the
first words out of your mouth.

What's going on?

Harris and dietrich
were sh*t at.

Are they all right?

They were checking
out this disturbance.

Wojo!

Uh, yeah, they're fine.

Thank you!

Kogan? Kogan?

Kogan will fill you
in on the details...

As soon as he finishes laughing.

Come on. Go on.

Barney: kogan?

In here, harpo.

Listen. Please
don't be mad at me.

I couldn't stand it if
you were mad at me.

Man, look,

I do not care if you
have psychotic episodes,

But for god's sake,
don't whine about them.

You guys all right?

Oh, yeah... Fine.

Couldn't be better,
captain. Yourself?

What happened?

Well, we answered
that disturbance call

And found this sick
human being going bananas

On a subway platform.

He was trying to force
people to get into single file

Going to the subway.

He was prodding them with
the barrel of this revolver.

Well, you see, I had to.

You see, people kept jumping
and shoving into each other.

I had to step in.

Someone would have
been hurt if I didn't.

You just settle
down, mr., Uh...?

Nicholas baskin.

Mr. Baskin is an air-traffic
controller, barney.

- Ah.
- "Ah," what?

All that garbage
you read in the papers

About we're all going to
flip out sooner or later?

We can't handle that
kind of pressure?

Too much responsibility?
Is that what you meant?

Is that what's going on

Behind that smug
little "ah" of yours?

Well?

Um, mr. Baskin, sergeant
harris will take your statement.

Come on, baskin, right here.

What, uh... What was
with the sh**ting?

Go ahead, arthur. Tell him.

Not much to it.

g*n went off. Luckily
nobody got hurt.

Oh, come on. Let's not
mince words, dietrich.

What's going on
here? What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

Chuck-o here walked up to
me, stuck his g*n in my face,

Cocked the hammer, was
about to pull the trigger,

And dietrich knocked his arm
away just as the g*n went off

And thereby saved my life.

Yeah, it was
something like that.

Mnh-mnh! Mnh-mnh! Mnh-mnh!

It was exactly like
that, and you know it.

Excuse me.

Adrenaline's funny stuff, huh?

I wouldn't beg like this

If it wasn't a
life-and-death situation.

For the last time, stop
drooling on my baseball.

Sorry, sorry. You
understand what I'm...

How's it going, woj?

Okay.

Just the clown keeps
begging all over my desk.

Run a make on him?

Yeah, uh... It checks out.

Billings, montana.

Oh.

He's got a clean record, though.

He was even in the service.

Really?

I was in the army.

Navy.

Oh, yeah. Boats, right?

How long were you in
the navy, mr. Kendall?

Four years.

Fellas... Isn't there some way

We could straighten out
this little... Error on my part?

If I could perhaps
apologize to this man,

Offer him a couple of
bucks for the inconvenience.

I'm afraid not, mr. Kendall.

I got a plane to
catch back to billings!

Tough toenails.

You miss a flight
to billings, buddy,

You've got a hell of a
wait for the next one.

Sit!

Another outburst like that,

I'll handcuff
your lips together.

Stern, but effective.

Could you hurry
it up a little bit?

Because I really have
to get back to work.

So soon after the breakdown?

Listen, I just got a little
wound up, that's all.

You know, it's
one of those days.

You know, I mean
imagine if you had to look

At these blips all day long.

Scurrying here
and darting there.

I mean, one of them
might be a tour to hawaii.

Mm-hmm.

And these blips are
my responsibility.

I have to personally guide

That little green pulse of light

Safely through my area.

Those people's
vacations depend on me.

Uh, look, uh...

How would you like to go on one?

One what?

Vacation.

I have two weeks
coming ip un august.

Look, why don't you let
me speak to your superior?

Maybe I can get that
moved up a little bit.

Do you think you could?

Oh, hey, just let me try.

I would appreciate that.

Yeah. So would the
tourist industry.

Hmm?

Sir, mr. Kotterman's all set.

Okay, thank you, levitt.

You're welcome, sir,

I mean, considering I
wasn't even prepared.

- Levitt!
- Well, i...

All right, uh,
maybe at lunchtime

You can run home and change.

Thank you, sir.

I already thought of that,
but with lunchtime traffic...

We'll see how it goes, sir.

Fine, fine.

Fine.

Kotterman: captain,
I'm all done.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Glad we could be
of help this time.

Did you sign a complaint?

Hey!

I don't care about my lips.

You can't go through with this.

All right, kendall.
That's enough. Sit down.

I'm putting you in the cage.

Please call this number.

Just ask for monahan.
He'll explain everything.

Come on, let's go.

I'm going to go
crazy in there. Please.

Damn it! My life is in danger!

Oh, no!

You're not going to keep me
up at night racked with guilt!

Call the number.

All right, wojo. Try the number.

Thank you, thank
you. God bless you.

Okay, okay.

Thanks. Thank you.

God bless you.

Right. Sit.

I'm stopping.

That's it.

No more.

Thank you.

Dietrich... Um...

I owe you a debt

Which I will never be
able to repay totally...

But I'm going to try like hell.

Hey, it was nothing. Forget it.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Listen, it's part of the job.

You would have done
the same thing for me.

I'm afraid I'm going to have
to insist you respond to that.

Don't you want to know
the facts, mr. Monahan?

Yes, I understand.

Mr. Monahan's with
the justice department.

We're not supposed to
do anything with kendall

Till he gets here.

And that's it?

Something about opening
a whole can of worms.

Is that lunch, then?

Hello.

Stop!

All right, you
with the mustache,

Walk on by.

Come on, go through.

Come on, go through.

You can continue.

I take it you've made
provisions for mr. Baskin?

Uh, yeah, barn, but I figured
air travel was inappropriate,

So I booked him
on a loco-motive.

You didn't think I had
another one in me, did you?

Mr. Monahan.

Oh, my god. Who's
in charge here?

I'm captain miller.

For heaven's sake, miller,

Why didn't you just stick
him in a display window?

I'm not too sure I understand
what's going on here.

I'm chester monahan,

Counsel for the
justice department.

Which I take it has some kind
of interest in mr. Kendall?

Interest in kendall?

Captain, we created kendall.

Will my office do?

Yes, thank you.

Listen, what's going on?

This will just take a few
minutes, mr. Kotterman.

Thank god you got here, monahan.

They were out for blood.

You made a mistake
coming back here.

You could have been k*lled.
I don't care about that.

But you made us look bad.

He's here to help me.

Uh, dietrich...

Hey, I've got two
fifth-row orchestra seats

For the philharmonic tonight.

You want them, they're yours.

No, thanks. I'm busy.

Well, uh...

It'll mean calling
in a lot of favors,

But, uh, I think I can get you
into studio this saturday.

I was there for the opening.

Uh, arthur, look, I've got
three vacation days coming.

Take them.

Harris, you don't
owe me anything.

Look, I'm sorry, man,

But that's just the
way I feel, you know?

So if there's anything, I
mean anything you want,

Please, feel free to ask.

Can I call you ron?

No.

I knew that was pushing it.

His name is not kendall.

I didn't think he
looked like a kendall.

I didn't choose
the name, anyway.

That's somebody else's job.

And, uh, your job,
mr. Monahan, is, uh...?

Captain, in ,
kendall testified

Against some very powerful
and dangerous people.

They were all convicted.

And as a witness,
his life was in danger,

So you gave him a new identity.

We found that keeping them
alive provides an incentive

To the others.

I can see where it would.

Mm-hmm.

There's only one
problem, mr. Monahan.

Your mr. Kendall has
committed armed robbery.

So?

So he's under arrest.

No, I'm afraid that's
out of the question.

No, no. You don't
seem to understand.

This is a citizen's complaint.

We have no power
to drop this charge.

Then the citizen will
have to be persuaded.

Oh, maybe duty to country,
protecting a human life...

That sort of angle.

I'm afraid that sort of angle

Is not going to
be very effective

With a shopkeeper who's
been robbed five times.

Mr. Kotterman is quite anxious

To see mr. Kendall in prison.

And I sympathize with him.

Kendall is the
scum of the earth...

A snitch, a lowlife,
petty criminal

Who'd turn in his grandmother

If he thought it
would benefit him.

He should be in jail.

He should be removed from
human society permanently.

But it's my job

To protect that
valueless, insignificant life.

You enjoy your
work, mr. Monahan?

Love it.

All right. Come
on, baskin, let's go.

Well, where are we going?

Downstairs for pictures, prints,

And then to the hospital.

Hospital? No... Well, listen.

I-i'm... I'm not ailing.

They'll help you.

I'm just a little tired.

They'll let you sleep.

Come on.

Oh, afternoon.

Can't tell by you.

Beg your pardon?

Uh, nothing.

Oh.

Come on.

Captain, may I ask you
now what's going on?

Uh, yes, mr. Kotterman.

This is mr. Monahan.

He's with the
justice department.

He has a few
words to say to you.

This is mr. Kotterman.

- How do you do, sir?
- How do you do?

Mr. Kotterman,

Although the robbery which
occurred in your establishment

Was unfortunate,
I'm afraid that we...

Hmm?

We, the federal
government, that is,

Are forced to ask you to
indulge us in this matter.

What matter?

Wojo.

He's right. What do you
want with my indulgence?

Mr. Kotterman,

Mr. Kendall here is not
who he appears to be.

I'm not. I swear.

He's actually somebody else.

This is gibberish!

All federal people talk
that way, mr. Kotterman.

Well, they do.

Mr. Kotterman, what
mr. Monahan is trying to say

Is that mr. Kendall here...
That's not his real name...

Mr. Kendall was given a new
identity by the government

For his protection.

You see, he was a witness
in a very important case,

And, well, if he were
to go to jail now

Under the circumstances...

If I were to go to jail,
I wouldn't last a week!

All right, eight,
nine days, tops.

So, uh, if I don't
press charges?

Then we'll give
him a new identity

And relocate him again.

No!

Excuse me. Did he say no?

An eye for an eye and
a tooth for a tooth!

He robbed me!

I want his eye, his tooth, his
whole body sent to prison.

But... That, too.
Captain, can I go now?

No, you may not go.

No, don't! Please, don't go!

Stay a while.

Captain.

Tell him about the
duty to country,

Protecting a
life, all that stuff.

You remember.

Captain, can I please go home?

Mr. Kotterman, you can
leave whenever you want.

Thanks.

Provided you
understand what it is

That mr. Monahan has
been trying to say to you.

The fact of the matter

Is that if mr. Kendall goes
to jail now, the odds are...

And I know of no
pretty way to put this...

The odds are...
He will be k*lled.

You will have the satisfaction

Of, uh, seeing him
punished for his crime.

Why don't you, uh, check
over your statement?

Levitt, can I have
the statement?

Sir.

Thank you, levitt.

Okay, have a seat over here.

You can just check
it for accuracy.

Ah, yes.

Yes, a-and last christmas,

Somebody gave me
one of those, you know,

Those video ping-pong games
that you hook up to your tv?

Mm-hmm.

I tell you, that little
ball made me crazy.

I kept trying to talk it down.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

Have a seat.

Oh.

Barney, the ambulance is
downstairs for mr. Baskin.

Al right, uh, relax.

I'll have levitt take him down.

- Levitt?
- Sir.

You want to run mr. Baskin
down to the ambulance?

Glad to, sir.

- Levitt.
- Sir?

That outfit...

Well, thank you, sir. I,
uh, I had to improvise.

I didn't have enough time
to go home, so I rented this.

Rented it?

Yeah, shop around the
corner... Only bucks.

It's tax deductible
as a business expense,

So I figured, what the hell?

Good.

Besides, I'd hate
to embarrass you.

What if we had a
surprise inspection?

What if?

Right, sir.

Okay, let's go, baskin.
The ambulance is waiting.

Uh, levitt, you...

You better wear your
badge on the outside.

Right.

Okay, goodbye,
everybody. Thank you.

Good luck, mr. Baskin.

Happy landings.

You too.

And you will as long as there
are guys like me on the job.

Oh, I don't mean like this.

I know I need a little
rest period now,

But I want you to know

That me and the guys
that work with me

Will always take care of you
people when you're up there.

And we appreciate it.

Did you realize that it's
safer to fly in an airplane

Than it is to ride in a car?

That's true.

But you don't need a
ramp to get out of a car.

Maybe I need a
little rest myself.

Here you go.

File it with the rest of them.

You think I want
to look at that face

In my dreams every night?

Better he should be set free.

Mr. Kotterman...

The justice department
appreciates it.

Justice? Ha!

I had revenge in my heart
just like everybody else.

Revenge is sweet,
captain... Very sweet.

But I'm trying to cut down.

Okay, kendall, let's go.

Oh, mr. Monahan, I
really appreciate it.

You've stained my record.

I'm sorry.

Maybe I couldn't
help myself, and i-i...

You ever heard of kansas?

What?

Thank you, captain. We
appreciate your assistance.

Kendall?

Mr. Monahan,
it's a little cruel.

You know what's in
kansas, mr. Kendall?

What?

Wheat.

Sounded like
"wheat"... Didn't it?

Well, gentlemen...
It's been a long day.

Mm-hmm.

Dietrich.

Uh, I'd like to, you know,

Settle this little score
between us once and for all.

Don't you think you're going
a little too far with this?

No, I don't.

Harris, you're just
making him feel bad.

I'm trying to make
him feel good.

Look, I'm prepared
to offer money.

I don't want any money.

Name your price.

$ .

Uh...

$ It is.

All right.

There you go.

Thanks.

Yeah. We're even?

Even.

Hey, dietrich.

Hmm?

Uh, you will cash it?

He wouldn't.

It would serve
you right if he did.

Dietrich, don't you
touch that handle!

Dietrich! Dietrich!