05x23 - Graveyard Shift

[bunniefuu]

: P.m.,

The start of what we cops
call the graveyard shift.

Actually, most people
call it the graveyard shift,

And we're no different.

The room is empty now
except for the hunched figure

Of a plainly dressed
woman in her s

Leafing aimlessly through the
tattered pages of a mug book.

The shift can be
quiet and uneventful,

But it can also suddenly erupt
with v*olence and savagery.

Meanwhile, one sits
and does nothing.

The waiting is the worst part.

Sorry to hear that.

Oh, barn. Top of the evening.

To you, too. What...
Oh, tape recorder.

Really? What is it
you're recording?

"Precinct diary."

You like the title?

Another one of your
literary efforts, I take it.

Barn, you know,
it hit me last night.

Barn, you know the one
thing my writing lacks?

Got me.

Authenticity.

I mean, sure, it's
wry and pungent

And moves right along.

But it doesn't have
that ring of reality,

A sense of immediacy.

It's all very interesting,
harris. However...

However, I said to myself,
"hey, wait, hold it a second.

"I mean, you got
work to do here.

You can't be wasting time
writing and typing stuff."

So, uh, I thought
of a tape recorder.

It's accurate, unobtrusive,

And won't interfere
with the job one bit.

Who's that?

Oh, yeah. This is natalie
blier of youngstown, ohio.

She, you know, just came
to the city for the weekend

And lost her luggage
at the airport.

Cabby brought her into new
york by way of connecticut.

And then she was
robbed outside her hotel.

Ma'am?

Miss blier?

Hmm? Oh, what?

I'm captain miller.

Oh, of course.

Sorry your weekend
had to start that way.

We'll do...

You know, I'd watch all those
"I love new york" commercials

Back in youngstown,

You know the ones with
the broadway actors

Singing and dancing.

And everything was so
exciting and colorful.

They're very appealing, yes.

They never mentioned
the people with knives.

Well, they only have a minute.

There was plenty of time left.

Sure, but hegel's dialectic
says a clash between two forces

Is a natural and
inevitable process,

The result of which
cannot be altered.

Well, I say that the cowboys
could have won the game

If smith hadn't
dropped the pass.

Not according to hegel.

You guys still rehashing
the super bowl?

Dietrich is.

Only from a
hegelian perspective.

Really? I would have imagined

You would have taken
the freudian approach.

For defense, sure.

Th precinct. Wojciehowicz.

Th precinct. Harris.

Yeah, okay, okay. We got it.

Barn, there's a disturbance
in a -hour drugstore

Over on th.

Okay, you and staubach.

Is this inevitable, too?

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Barney, we've got
a possible bombing.

Where?

Here.

Kogan says some
guy just called up

And said he's giving
us minutes' warning.

How considerate of him.

All right, see if kogan needs
any help clearing the building.

We were leaving anyway.

Miss blier,

I'm afraid we're gonna have
to ask you to step outside.

We're gonna clear the building.

: P.m. b*mb thr*at.

Harris!

More to follow.

The call was apparently a hoax,

As no b*mb went off.

Although a first-time
visitor to the squad room

Might assume one had.

Humor is a very important
part of police work.

You, uh, need something, barn?

Well, I thought maybe, uh,

You know, in between
recording sessions,

You might, uh...

It's still running.

Yeah. I don't want
to misquote anyone.

Oh.

Yeah. Go ahead.

Oh, listen, why not
go through the file,

Uh, seeking any, uh, recent
alleged bombing suspects,

Any, uh, perpetrators

With a history of...
Of bombing activity

Or possession of expl*sives?

Uh, and, uh, also contact ko...

Contact, uh, kogan...

To be in readiness

In case the, uh,
suspect attempts

To communicate with us again,

So we can, uh, try
to trace the call

- If he calls.
- Sure.

What, you want to
do another take?

No, no.

In here. Here we go.

They put those big signs up.

dr*gs. Bright neon lights.

dr*gs.

If you try to get some, they
jump right down your throat.

Mister, uh... This
is phillip bart.

He tried to get
some amphetamines

With a forged prescription.

My doctor is out of town.

Come on.

The druggist tried to stall
him, and he got hysterical

And knocked over a
couple display cases.

Destroyed a couple hundred
dollars' worth of notions.

I had to have those pills.

Are you an addict, mr. Bart?

Oh, no. I just
can't go to sleep.

Doesn't want to.

Why not?

You're gonna think that
I'm just some kind of nut.

We already have certain
reservations about you.

Just tell me the problem, huh?

Succubus.

Watch your mouth.

Forget I said it, okay?

What is it he said?

Succubus.

Okay, dietrich.

It's the opposite of incubus.

- Oh, well.
- These were the terms applied

To certain demonic
spirits in the middle ages.

That's right.

Succubus was a female demon

Who was thought to enter
the bodies of men as they slept

And have physical
relations with them.

Oh, they come in the night.

And they... They drain a
man of his vital energies.

They dissipate his
normal desires.

That what's happening to you?

You don't believe me, do you?

No.

Then how come when I
wake up in the morning,

I feel like I've run miles?

How come I've got no stamina?

How come I can't
satisfy a real woman?

We're just cops. We don't
have all the answers.

Book him.

Ka-bloooom!

Evening, inspector.

So you heard me coming, huh?

Uh, yeah.

I mean, you could
have made believe.

Oh, well, inspector, what
brings you down this time of night?

Hi, barney.

I was downtown signing
off duty, you know,

When I heard you got a little
bombarooney scare up here, huh?

Just a crank call, certainly
nothing to bring you out.

Oh, maybe, maybe not, barney.

But frank luger ain't gonna
lay cozy under the covers

While his men are being
blown halfway to the poconos,

Their bloody limbs being
torn off their m*nled bodies.

- Inspector.
- What?

Ooh.

Sorry, miss.

Look, I don't want you to
worry about one little thing.

I wasn't.

Good.

It's best to keep them
ignorant, you know, barn?

Right.

Ah, remember how they got
to poor old forester, hmm?

Shoved six sticks of dynamite

Under the front
seat of his packard

In the middle of
th avenue, barn.

Bloooo!

I don't think you want to
dredge up old memories.

Even had his seat
belt fastened, barn.

Didn't help him one little bit.

Well, we appreciate the gesture
coming down here, inspector.

But it's late. I'm
sure you're tired.

No, no, no, barn, look.

Shouldn't we go
into your office?

Was there something
specific you wanted to discuss?

Probably.

There, there.

I'll be in my office if
anybody wants me...

For anything.

Never heard anyone having
an experience like that.

It must be kind of weird.

But if I could stay awake
for a couple of nights,

Then I know she
would leave me alone.

Yeah.

So don't let me fall asleep.

In the cage.

Just promise me that you
won't let me fall asleep.

Okay.

Just promise it, please!

You fall asleep, I'll
rip off your eyebrows.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Guy's a
real fruitcake, huh?

Oh, yeah? What'd he do?

Well, he, uh...

He thinks there's some
kind of female spirit

Going one-on-one
with him at night.

Say again?

It's like in the
middle ages, see.

There's succubus and incubus.

And it... What are you doing?

Oh, I'm doing a book
on police work,

So I'm recording
our conversation.

Go ahead.

No, thanks.

What do you mean?

I mean don't record me.

Well, look, I don't
want to misquote you.

I don't want you
to quote me at all.

Why? What's the matter?

Nothing the matter.

I... Just leave me
out of it, all right?

Sure.

Too many characters anyway.

Oh, did I mention
to you, barney?

I put agnes on the back
burner for a while, you know.

There's nothing much,
really, for me to go home to.

Can't even watch tv.

My dumont... Pbbt
busted for good.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Nothing... Nothing's
made to last anymore,

Is it, barney?

Inspector, I think the idea
is to sell you a new one.

They don't make
dumonts anymore, barney.

Right.

Look, barney,

I know you think the old
inspector's a pest sometimes,

So if you got anything you
want to do, say the word,

I'll vamoose.

Well, as a matter
of fact, I had the...

Just that I figured I'd rather
be here talking to a friend

Than home all alone
in the apartment,

Smoking a cigarette in the dark.

I guess this can wait. Uh...

What the hell. I got all night.

Sure we do.

Wojo's on the phone
with the bomber,

And kogan is working on a trace.

Yeah, well, now,
listen here, buddy.

You know, you may think
this is some big kind of joke,

You know, but it's
not because we're s...

Says it was just a test run,

And he's got enough tnt
to blow up the building.

Hmm.

We stepping out again?

I'm not gonna send
cops to the street

Every time some nut calls.

No, the b*mb squad
says the building is safe,

The building is safe.

You're absolutely right, barney.

New york's finest
don't go running off

With their tails
between their legs

Every time they get a telephone
call from some malcontent.

Right, men?

Yes, sirree.

Okay. Sure.

Listen, barney, I'm gonna
go back downstairs,

Say a few encouraging
words to the uniforms,

Make sure none of them bolt.

I'll see you later.

- Dietrich.
- Hey.

Something happen?

We had a b*mb thr*at.

Oh.

But we're not going anywhere.

That include the poconos?

: A.m. And we're still here.

General panic has
so far been averted,

But a grim silence has
settled over the precinct.

You want to can it?

I'm trying to concentrate.

Oh, so sorry.

I'd forgotten what a
chore that is for you.

Try forgetting
the witty remarks.

I don't think I can.

I ain't asking you,
harris. I'm telling you.

You want to tell me that again?

You want to step outside?

I wouldn't mind.

Ah, please.

Something going on?

Just chitchatting.

Th precinct. Harris.

Uh, yeah, right.

Barn, bomber on line two.

Better let kogan know.

This is captain miller here.

And you are?

Leon.

Well, at last we get...

Uh, yes, we're still here, leon.

We did get your
last thr*at, yes.

Well, leon, look at it this way.

Leon, you say you're
gonna blow us up,

I mean, you know, we just
can't take your word for it.

Well, perhaps you can
give us some indication

Of your expertise in the matter.

Well, like, um, um...

Uh, what kind of b*mb is it?

How did you build it?

What kind of
expl*sives did you use?

Where did you get them?

No, leon. Now, wait a minute.

I think we have a
perfect right to know.

After all, we're the ones who...

Leon, leon, leon, now, look.

I'm sorry you feel that
way, leon, but... Leon?

Leon?

Yeah, thanks.

Kogan got a trace.

Good. Okay, you and wojo.

Oh. Lovely.

You ready?

Yeah, I'm ready. You ready?

Shall we step outside?

Sure.

Somehow I have a feeling

Of an undercurrent of
animosity around here.

Something happen
I don't know about?

Yeah.

Hey.

Hmm.

No.

Not tonight.

But I'm too tired.

It's usually the woman.

What?

Oh, I don't go in for that, no.

You want me to do something?

I'm not sure he's
breaking any rules.

No visitors.

Okay, careful coming
through the door.

I thought he really
wanted to talk to me.

He didn't want to talk to me.

All right.

This is leon?

Voice never matches
the face, does it?

Leon stipanich, barn.

We picked him up
at his apartment.

His apartment? Got back
pretty quick, didn't you?

Just lives next door.

To us?

Mm-hmm.

That's the captain.

Hi, neighbor.

Look, mr. Stipanich
now it's stipanich.

It was leon before
you caught me, right?

Excuse me. Leon. What
was this all about?

I'll tell you what
it's all about.

All day long, hookers and
deviants in front of my house.

All night long, sirens howling,

People screaming, shouting.

It's like a wild party.

Look, I can appreciate
your dilemma, mr. Stipanich,

But that doesn't mean...

And all you people
are always in a hurry.

Your squad cars
sh**t down the street

At or miles an hour.

You k*lled three of my cats.

That wasn't me.

Mr. Stipanich, just what is it

You were trying to accomplish
with this b*mb thr*at?

I thought you'd move.

- Move?
- Move.

It's the only neighborhood
we can afford, mr. Stipanich.

You know, when I
moved here years ago,

I thought, "beautiful.

"Live right next to
the police station.

Rest easy. Feel secure."

I've been robbed seven times,

And the last time it took you
people minutes to get here.

I live right next to the
police station, for god's sakes.

We got manpower shortages.

Look, I wouldn't mind so much
the noise or the confusion

If you people had been just
a little neighborly, a little.

Well, we're kind
of busy up here.

Busy? Too busy to
say good morning

When you walk by with the
new york times under your arm?

Too busy for a little
friendly conversation?

"What's happening?
How's it going?

Anything new, leon?"

Too busy to be human beings?

Had an open house
a couple weeks ago.

Nobody told me.

Harris.

Oh, sure.

Would you like to have a
seat right over there, please?

Sure.

I'll go check him for priors.

Barn?

He fell asleep?

Mm-hmm.

Well, did... Mm-hmm.

Anybody have a cigarette?

Oh.

Um, sure.

You all right, mr. Bart?

She was here, wasn't she?

Tell you the truth,
we didn't notice.

All I want is a normal, healthy
relationship with someone,

But I'll never.

Mr. Bart, there are doctors,
people who specialize

In just the kind of problem
you're talking about.

You mean a sex therapist.

That's one possibility.

Listen, I've considered
that. I really have.

Good.

But she won't go.

Miss blier?

Miss blier?

Any luck yet?

No, I haven't... Oh, my god.

It's him.

You're kidding.

Dietrich.

Send out an apb on
this gentleman here.

Miss blier has identified him.

How fortunate.

Hopefully we'll
have to have you back

For a positive identification,

But in the meantime,
you're free to go.

Oh.

Here you are.

It was nice meeting you all.

Our pleasure.

Once again, I'd like to try
to apologize for everything.

I've made up my mind

Not to do all those stupid
touristy things anyway.

I'm sure that getting
robbed at knifepoint

And spending half
the night up here

Wasn't exactly
what you had in mind.

It was better
than seeing "annie."

You live around here?

Uh, stipanich is clean.

Thank you.

Listen, harris...

Hey, look, man,
you can rest easy.

I'm deleting you.

Thank you.

Sure.

Harris, the reason
I get so sensitive

About your tape recorder

Is that I'm always getting
in trouble for things I say.

And then I got to
go in and have a talk.

"Exactly what did you
mean by that, wojo?"

"I'm still unclear
about that, wojo."

Kind of gets to you, you know?

Yeah.

Well, look, man, I mean, I'm not
trying to trap you, you know?

Yeah, I know.

I just want it to be
accurate, complete.

And I want it to sell.

Sure.

Oh, and what I said about
forgetting your witty remarks...

Well, I don't mind them,
so keep them coming.

Thank you.

"Thank you"?

Yeah.

I was expecting something
a little more witty.

Oh, well, I mean, I could.

You know, wit is a
spontaneous thing.

I mean, you know, it's
not the kind of thing

You just flip on
like a light bulb.

Guess not.