06x09 - The Judge

[bunniefuu]

Can I help you?

We'll see.

I... I want to report
a missing person.

Oh, your husband?

How did you know?

- Just a lucky guess.
- Oh.

You, uh, want to take a
seat over here, please?

Oh, thank you. I
appreciate that.

You know, you don't have an
elevator bringing us up here.

Uh, we like it that way.

Uh, it helps keep
out the riffraff.

Yeah.

Wojo hasn't checked in yet, huh?

No.

Minutes late... That's
about par for the course.

Actually, in some
parts of the world,

Minutes late is
considered prompt...

Early, in fact.

Not in these parts.

Mrs. Kamen, when did you
last see your husband?

It's hard to say, exactly.

A month. A month and a half ago.

Why'd you wait so
long to report it?

I wasn't sure till now.

Look, I'm afraid I'm
a little confused.

Yeah, I noticed that.

Look, mrs. Kamen...

Sergeant, this is very
difficult to explain.

My husband is still there,
but that's not my husband.

Oh, it sounds like
him, it looks like him,

But that's not him.

You've checked the
basement for pods?

That's the first thing I did.

Yeah. Gotcha.

Captain, an alarm
just went off...

Packton research
institute on houston.

- Who you on with this week?
- Wojo.

Wonderful.

I could probably
scare up a uniform.

Uh, look, I'll cover for wojo,

Um, if you'll take care
of mrs. Kamen here.

No.

I'm gonna take it myself.

You don't really have to go.

Wojo's gonna be here any minute.

Hey, should be interesting.

I mean... Be a little
change of pace.

Sure.

Get away from the paperwork.

Get a little fresh air.

You really want to rub
his nose in it, don't you?

Shall we?

He can fool our relatives,

He can fool our
friends, but not me.

Mrs. Kamen, when did
you first begin to realize

That your husband
was, uh... Different?

In bed.

Okay, I think that's all
the information we'll need.

You can't duplicate that.

Nor would we want to.

Now, listen, I know it
sounds crazy, but somebody...

I don't know why,
I don't know how...

They have taken my husband away,

And they have left
an exact replica,

A robot, in his place.

Look, mrs. Kamen,

I'm sure there's a very
rational, reasonable...

Wait, I've brought photographs.

Look.

There's rudolph, a year ago.

Here's a picture of him.

I took this three days ago.

Mrs. Kamen, these
men are identical.

And you thought
it was just me, huh?

Uh... Can I get you
some coffee or tea?

Oh, coffee.

That would be
very nice. Thank you.

Morning, harris.

Morning, wojo.

Barn's not in?

Nope.

Well, then I guess I'm not late.

- Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.

Maybe this will
counteract the pills.

What?

I'm on downers.

Oh, you could have fooled me.

Yeah, my doctor
prescribed them for me

After I told him
about my husband.

Ah, that was nice.

Diazepam.

Let me give you some
advice about these.

Forget brand names. Buy generic.

You will save plenty of money.

I'll remember that.

Right.

This way, gentlemen.

All this really isn't
necessary, captain.

Morning, barn.

Well, good morning, wojo.

What do you got?

Well, um...

I'm gonna have to
know eventually.

You want me to take over, right?

This is dr. Joseph burlson

Of the packton institute
for genetic research,

His research
assistant, dr. Eric rubin.

This is sergeant wojciehowicz.

How do you do?

How you doing?

How are you?

So, what's the story?

Seems someone broke
in to the laboratory

And stole some equipment.

You've got to get it back!

It's just not all paid for.

And?

Dietrich is, uh, talking
to the cleaning people.

Good.

Why don't you take
their statement?

Uh, uh, have a seat here.

Here you go.

I'm sorry I was late, barn. I...

Wojo.

I try to be as
flexible as possible

When it comes to the comings
and goings of everyone,

But when the
operations of this squad

Are affected by you...

I understand what you're saying.

- You do?
- Yeah.

Good.

I promise I won't be late again.

Thank you.

For a while.

I don't want to
lie to you, barn.

Uh, barney?

Yeah.

I'm... I'm having
a little problem

With mrs. Kamen over here.

You know, she says
that her husband

Isn't really her husband,

That he's some kind of a clone.

Have you checked for pods?

That's not funny, barney.

Sorry. It just occurred to me.

That's okay.

Why don't you
contact her husband,

Have him come down?

Which one?

B-barney, I mean, it's
just different when I do it.

I think...

I think we should at
least mention it in passing.

I'll handle this,
all right, doctor?

But we are dealing
with mutant strains.

This is still all experimental.

So?

So how do we know
this isn't infectious

Or even deadly?

Uh, what was that?

Nothing.

Just talking shop,
sergeant wojciehowicz.

How about that pope?

One of your boys, huh?

Any luck, sergeant?

Well, we're still checking.

I appreciate everything
you're doing for me.

Hey, look, that's what
we're here for, mrs. Kamen.

My friends call me mitzi.

Okay.

Um, I'm ron.

I would like to use
your bathroom, ron.

Sure. Come on.

It's right this way.

Yeah?

Manpower reports and
statistic summarizations, sir.

Thank you, levitt.

No problem.

I hear you saw
some action today.

I went out on a call.

Enjoy yourself?

As a matter of fact, I did.

I only mention this
because I thought,

In this type of situation,

When there's a temporary
manpower shortage,

Normally you would
assign a uniform.

Obviously in this
instance, I didn't.

That's your prerogative, sir.

It's just that there's a limited
amount of crime out there,

And if the brass starts
going out on calls for kicks,

It's not gonna leave
much for those of us

Who really need the work.

I wouldn't worry
about it, levitt.

I have no intention
of making a habit of it.

Thank you, sir.
I'll be downstairs.

- Fine.
- You'll be here?

- I promise.
- Good.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for sergeant harris.

Mr. Kamen?

The one and only.

Uh, your, um, your wife
is in the bathroom, sir.

No kidding.

Hey, uh, dr. Burlson
and dr. Rubin,

I want to go over
this list one more time.

Had an autoclave, a centrifuge,

A digital thermometer,

And a, uh, a container
of assorted cultures.

Right.

And there was nothing else?

No.

That covers everything.

Is there something else
I should know about?

The dna!

Will you please?

Somebody's got to tell them!

I'll be the judge.

Okay, hold it, hold it, hold it.

All right, what are
you talking about?

Sergeant, the cultures
that were taken

Were of recombinant dna...

Deoxyribonucleic acid.

Uh-huh.

Dna is the basic stuff of life.

It's in the nucleus
of every cell.

It contains the code

That guides the development
of every living thing.

What are you guys doing with it?

Nothing bad.

We take the dna
from a living organism,

And we combine it with the
dna from another organism,

Thereby creating an
entirely new living substance.

Now, this particular
recombinant form

Has just been developed,

And we can't guarantee
that it might not be virulent

Or even pestilent!

Just have a seat.

Well...

Kiss that grant goodbye.

Hello, millicent.

You've got the wrong one.

Look, mrs. Kamen,

I'm sure if you'll
just give us a chance...

He's fooled you, too.

Come home.

You stay away from me!

You'll feel better.

No, stay away!

Please, millicent.

Millicent!

Millicent!

Mitzi.

Uh, gentlemen, sergeant
wojciehowicz indicates

There might be some
problem with dna?

Yes. You see, captain,
the dna was spliced

From a polyomavirus into
a strain of escherichia coli.

Are you saying there's a
potential health hazard

In this... Stuff?

- It's possible.
- No.

You brought them in.

Um, captain, I think that
both dr. Rubin and myself

Are saying the same thing,

Just in different ways.

Which is what?

Simply that there is a small...

Very small chance
of contamination...

Or epidemic.

Wojo, you'd better
get on the phone

To the department of health.

Is that really necessary?

Millicent, please, believe me.

This isn't gonna solve anything.

Mrs. Kamen: I don't know you!

Millicent, you've been under
a lot of pressure lately.

You're not yourself.

Oh, looks who's talking!

Would you come out of there?

Uh, look, mr. Kamen,

Why don't you just try
and relax for a second, huh?

Mrs. Kamen?

Is that you, ron?

Uh, yes.

What happened to mitzi?

Uh, listen, mitzi... Hmm?

We can't just stand here all
day talking through a door.

All right.

You can come in.

I should be back soon.

Captain...

We are doing very
important work here.

It would be a tragedy

To let some silly little
accident jeopardize it.

I'm afraid that's not my
immediate concern, doctor.

We are on the threshold

Of an incredible breakthrough.

If we can unlock the
genetic puzzle of dna,

We could eliminate
birth defects,

Genetic diseases,
increase intelligence,

Weed out all the negative
traits and characteristics,

And create a whole
new, superior race of...

Really nice people.

Barn, it's the
health department.

It's a miss schumacher.

Miss schumacher, captain
miller, th precinct.

Look, I'm afraid we might
have a very serious health...

Yes, dna cultures.

Who reported it?

A. Dietrich. He's one of us.

Yes, he is very knowledgeable.

Look, what I called for was...

He's already working with
one of your people on it?

Thank you.

So, it took us a little longer.

Put out an apb on
the stolen property

And check all the
local pawnshops.

Good thinking, barn.

Yeah, hi.

This is detective wojciehowicz
over at the th precinct.

Yeah, we had a burglary
in a research lab,

So we're calling all the
pawnshops in the area

To check for...

He have curly hair and glasses?

Right. Thanks a lot.

Oh! That's our equipment.

Give me a hand!

Yeah, right.

Used to be you made a
buck, you kept a buck.

Things are tough all over.

Well, it's very discouraging.

Well, dietrich. Nice to see you.

You're looking good.

This is?

Claudio ortez.

He pawned the stuff around
the corner from where he lives.

Lousy bucks
for all that junk.

Picked him up in his room.

What is it with
that place anyway?

They got all these guards
and alarms, an electrical fence.

It was all a come-on.

Where are the cultures?

The little dishes in the box.

Uh, you mean the jell-o?

Yeah, the jell-o!

He flushed it down the toilet.

Oh... God.

I do something wrong?

What happens if that stuff
gets in the water supply?

I left the health
department working on it.

Sit down over there.

What are you talking about,
the health department?

Captain, the possibility
of contamination

Or widespread disease
is practically nil.

What kind of disease?

You know, I touched that stuff.

Don't worry about it. I
need some information.

Next of kin?

Is that supposed to be funny?

For the time being.

All right, gentlemen,

You'll be notified of
any court appearances.

In the meantime,
you're free to go.

Captain, I'm sure those cultures

Have already been
rendered harmless.

I mean, what could
live in that water?

Good day, doctor.

Now, I know what
you're thinking.

We've gone too far.

We're tampering with nature,

Invading god's domain, hmm?

Ushering in a brave new world.

No.

Sure, what's it to you?

I, uh, I tagged the
appliances, sir.

Fine.

I'll be back later
with a bottle of water.

Levitt!

Excuse me. Are you being helped?

No, my... My wife's in the
toilet with sergeant harris.

Fine.

You know, we used to
love to go to atlantic city,

Just the two of us.

He used to buy me
a bag of macaroons,

And we would stroll
down the boardwalk.

Look, why don't
we, um, go outside

And have a cup of coffee?

We'd have a cup of coffee,

And we'd walk over
to the steel pier

And watch the diving horse.

Look, mrs. Kamen...

Only he didn't dive.
They pushed him.

That sounds like you had
some very nice times together.

He was a wonderful man.

Mr. Kamen: I still am.

You go away. I'm not
talking about you.

What have I done?
How am I different?

He knows.

I don't know.

Ask him about his perversions.

Well, I mean, I
wouldn't want to...

Oh, that again, huh, mitzi?

Rudolph wouldn't have
gone in for that kind of stuff.

Years of wedlock...

He never did anything different.

Every time, the same.

Uh, do you want to
field this one, rudy?

Look, millicent...

A few years ago,

I realized that I wasn't able...

That you weren't
being satisfied.

Harris: thank you.

Rudy would never admit to that.

But I do.

And... And... And
it bothered me.

So I went out, and I
bought some books...

You know, the how-to kind.

I... I was only trying
to please you.

Is that so?

I'm sorry.

I'll never do that again.

Why do people have to change,

Get old?

Why can't things stay
the way they were?

Well, look...

Ron, sometimes I get so scared,

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Look, everybody feels
that way sometimes.

You sure?

I mean, I'm not even
old, and I get scared.

That's nice of you to say.

Hey, look...

None of us knows what's
gonna happen to him or her,

And that's pretty scary.

But there's one
thing you do know.

You don't have to
go through it alone.

Yeah.

Let's get out of here, huh, ron?

Hello.

It's free now.

Hello, millicent.

Let's go home, rudy, huh?

Whatever you say.

Goodbye, ron.

You, uh, take good
care of yourself, mitzi.

I'll never forget
what you did in there.

He...

Hey, guys, come on.