06x13 - Vanished: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Yeah, but they're not
leaving on their own.

I mean, this place
we live, the mission...

Somebody's coming
in there at night

And hustling them
out of bed someplace.

Kind of a bum's rush?

I don't make jokes
about your job.

She wasn't really soliciting...

I mean, for money.

I was just looking for
a suitable volunteer.

For what?

To father my child.

Ta-da!

Ha ha!

Inspector luger's back,

And the th precinct's got him.

They asked you to resign?

Oh, no, no, no, barney.

No, they gave me a choice.

They said, "frank, now, look...

"You can retire
now as inspector,

"But you're welcome
to hang around.

"But if you do,

You'll be hanging
around as a captain."

Wonderful.

Lousy, stinkin' captain.

Believe me... You
look % better.

Yeah, yeah.

I ain't just saying that.

I mean, you look really scrungy.

You're too kind.

Okay, barn, I'll just
call their bluff.

They'll back down
every time, right?

- It's worth a sh*t.
- Right.

And I just wanted to say
that I think that both of you

Have very, very fine
qualities in different areas.

And, for what it's worth,

I think either one of you
would make a very good father

For anyone's child.

Mr. Brewer.

Where's sergeant harris?

I figured he'd be here.

What happened?

I don't know.

I woke up this morning,
his bunk was empty.

A couple of the other
guys are gone, too.

Dietrich, wojo,

You better check
out that mission.

Ah, inspector.

Very funny.

What's the matter?

Captain frank luger,
reporting for duty.

Oh.

Nice to have you with us.

I take it you've
had your meeting.

Oh, yeah. I had my meeting.

And?

Well, I laid the law
down to them, barney.

I told them, "you can't
push frank luger around.

Put up or shut up."

You know, all that good
stuff you told me to tell them.

No, no, no, that's...

To make a short story
sad, barney, here I am.

You mean they've
assigned you here?

Mm-hmm. Yeah,
that's another zinger

They're trying to put
into the old inspector...

Sending me back to the same
squad where I started out,

Having to take orders
from a former underling.

Inspector, i-i really didn't...

Oh, no, it's not
your fault, barney.

I didn't have to tell
them what you told me.

- Right.
- Sure.

And I want you to
understand, barney,

I don't want any kind
of special treatment.

I'm just another member of
the squad, you understand?

No better, no worse, okay?

- Fine.
- Good.

If you need me,
I'll be in my office.

I'm just kidding, barney.

You know, trying to
lighten up the tragedy.

Yeah, well,

We're still gonna have to
find someplace to put you.

How about, uh... How
about nick's old desk?

Oh, sure, why not?

Sure.

Fine. Thank you.

Thank you, barn.

Where's the drawers?
There's no drawers here.

One lousy, skinny drawer.

Well, if you need more,
um... We could, uh...

Oh, no, no, no.
Forget it, barney.

There's a lot of good
space on top here.

Fine. Listen, uh, make
yourself at home.

Good. Thanks.

Thanks, barney.

Years on the force,

You can't even get a
decent pair of drawers.

Today's paper?

Yeah.

Yeah, why? You want
to reline your shoes?

Inspector.

Yeah? Hey, levine?

Barney, he's in mufti.

Pardon me, sir,
but this is my desk.

What did you do
with the drawers?

Barney: uh, levitt.

Sir?

Been a change in
the assigned seating?

Inspector luger's gonna
be using that desk today.

Because I was late?

It's a little more
complex than that.

I've got time.

Want me to take it, barn?

- If you don't mind.
- Nah.

Hello.

What?

Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Th precinct, right.

Come on. What?

Where?

Yeah.

All right, easy, easy.
What are you... Slow down.

I'm not a kelly girl.

Right.

I got it. Somebody will
be right over there.

Stickup on bleeker.

Um... Want me to take it, barn?

I'm not proud.

Sure.

Why don't you take levitt?

Huh? Sure.

Come on, levine. Shake a leg.

You could have told him.

- I did!
- Try harder.

Come on.

You know, ray, it's
really not necessary

For you to hang around.

It isn't?

Uh, I'm sure you have
better things to do.

Not recently.

Oh.

I had a dentist
appointment in ' .

Missed it.

Well, we'll keep you
informed of any developments.

Oh, sure! Huh.

I was just hangin' around
because I thought...

You guys needed me here.

Ah, we... We really
appreciate it.

Oh, but listen. I can find
something else to do.

Maybe I'll go sell some blood.

Uh, ray... Look, uh...

I'm thinking we probably
do need more information.

So, why don't you have a
seat at sgt. Harris's desk...

Ah, what did you find out?

Nothing.

Anybody that might have seen
him was either asleep or drunk.

We don't know
where the hell he is.

I mean, maybe, uh, maybe
he's onto something.

Yeah, well, we'd better
put out an apb, just in case.

It would help if
we had a picture.

Should be one laying
around somewhere.

Oh, use that one on his book.

He hates that one.

Here... This it?

Thank you.

He ain't gonna like it.

Right in here, vermin.

I'm offering people
the opportunity

To change their destinies,

To save this society
before it destroys itself.

What's that to me?

What do you got, inspector?

In a minute, barney.
Catch my breath.

Uh, captain, this
is alfred royce...

Caught him in the middle
of holding up arlo's market

On bleeker.

I'm trying to work
within the system.

Well, we appreciate that.

But I had to do something
to raise the money.

- For what?
- For my campaign.

Oh, you're running
for president, too?

Yes, he is, sir.

Hope I can count
on your support.

Uh, we'll see.

Cleaned out the cash register,

Then forced the
people in the store

To make voluntary
contributions at gunpoint.

I'm trying to qualify
for matching funds.

I see.

Have you any idea what a
minute on network television

Goes for these days?

Not to mention the
cost of office space,

Political literature...

Oh, here. Please, take this.

Posters, buttons,

And don't even talk to me
about hats and balloons.

So you just walked into
a market and held it up.

It's tough to compete.

I mean, I don't have a rich
family like some people

Or a rock-star girlfriend

Or prematurely orange
hair to grab attention.

That would be a problem.

Sir, he used this
snub-nosed . .

Do you know how
easy it was to get this?

g*n control is going to
be among my first priorities

As president.

Good luck.

I'll, uh, tag his
piece, sir. Fine.

There's a seat open
by the air shaft.

Royce.

I'm not a crackpot, captain.

I have viable solutions

To the critical problems
confronting this nation.

It's all in there.

I'm sure it is, but, meanwhile,

We're still gonna
have to book you.

Do you like my slogan?

"Alfred royce... The
people's candidate."

Uh, I'm afraid we're gonna
have to book you, mr. Royce.

Inspector, you want to
take care of mr. Royce here?

What... Right now?

If you don't mind.

Oh, sure, sure,
barney. You're the boss.

Royce.

Sit down, alfie.

Got the apb out. Oh, good.

Guess now we wait.

Yeah, I started already.

Oh, you didn't use the
hockey tickets, huh?

No, I changed my mind.

You were already gone.

I was in a hurry.

Any particular reason?

What do you mean?

Did you see her last night?

No. Did you?

No.

Of course, it was dark.

Right.

Th precinct. Ray.

Hey, we've been looking for you.

It's harris.

So, how's it going, ronald?

Come on.

Oh, sure.

What happened?

Where are you?

He's in north carolina.

I knew we should
have looked there.

Th precinct. Wojciehowicz.

Hello.

Where are you now?

Is that harris?

He's calling from a
stuckey's in maryland.

What happened?

Uh, listen, you want
to talk to barney?

Uh, yeah, I know what you mean.

Well, uh, we'll... We'll
just be waiting here.

Oh, hey, wait a minute.

Uh, pick me up one
of those nut logs.

Everybody just assumes
we have to have states.

But why?

I'm puttin' you in
the cage now, royce.

Under my plan, the nation
would be reorganized

Into superstates,

Based on population
and economic factors.

Yeah? Some states
would be enlarged.

Others, simply dissolved...

Thus creating a
much more efficient

And h*m* society.

Well, uh, what
happens to new jersey?

We'd lose that.

I got a family there!

Some day, they'll thank me.

Get in there!

Yeah?

Sir, I took royce for
pictures and prints.

I thought inspector
luger was going to do that.

He's with sergeant
dietrich, learning how

To check someone for priors.

Ah. Sad case, sir.

What's that?

Captain luger.

Levitt... A man devotes his life

To his job,

Fights his way to the top...

Then winds up back
where he started:

Humiliated, broken,

Screwin' up somebody
else's career.

Lovely sentiment.

Came to me looking
up an airshaft.

Barney, did you
read any of this stuff

That frenchie royce has
been handing out out there?

I haven't had the time.

Have you checked him for priors?

Hmm? No, d.d. Did that.

Inspector, have you
completed the arrest report?

Hmm?

No. No, what? You
wanted it today?

Yes, I would like to
see the arrest report

Before the man gets
transferred out.

Well, you don't have
to snap at me, barney.

I'll get right to it, sir.

Inspector. Captain.

I know this is not
an easy transition

For you to have to
make, but you got to try.

You got to make an effort.

That's the same kind of
malarkey they give to kleiner...

I really don't have
time to listen to stories

About kleiner or
forrester or brownie.

I wasn't even gonna mention
them other two guys...

Forrester and brownie.

I had a feeling they
were coming next.

It seems to me I
can remember a time

When you didn't mind listening
to a few reminiscences

Of the old inspector.

Captain!

Oh, now you're giving it to
me with both barrels, huh?

Well, listen, let me tell
you something, sonny...

I was pounding the pavements
as a flatfoot for the nypd

While you were still
peddling papers in short pants.

So now tell me that
I got to come in here

And listen to this kind of...

Now, look!

Nice try, barney.

Huh?

Sure, I see what you're
trying to do, barney.

You're trying to insult
me, belittle me, huh,

To get me all
steamed up so I'll...

I'll fight back and stop
feeling sorry for myself, right?

Huh?

Uh, right.

That's what you're
trying to do, right?

Absolutely.

Lucky for you I
caught on, huh, barney?

All right, come on
inside. We're home.

Step lively. Come on.

\ ... Bottles of
beer on the wall... \

Hey, wojo. Yeah.

Barney.

Oh, boy, that must
have been something.

Look, can you guys cut it down?

\ ... Bottles of
beer on the wall... \

Oh, that. Hey!

\...you take one... \

I hardly even hear
it anymore, barney.

They started at , .

Oh.

What... What's the story?

Well, it was basically
a shanghai operation.

Two guys came into the
mission about : p.m.

And offered me and a
couple of other bums

A bottle of gin if we'd
take a ride with them.

Next morning, we pull
up to a peanut farm

On the carolina border.

Barney, they got
, bums there.

Already, they're
working in the fields,

And most of them don't
even know where they are.

Anyway, um, I picked
about half a bushel,

Then I decided to
make some arrests.

Suspects?

They're still down there.

I got to go back next week
for the extradition proceedings.

You think this is a
wide-scale operation?

Barn, I am really
not in the mood.

Barney, I spent / hours

Riding with the von
trapp family here.

All the way up the turnpike,

It's "I got to go
to the bathroom,"

"Can we have some ice
cream?" "Are we there yet?"

Where's my nut log?

What?

Where's my nut log?

Is it in the bag?

No, man, them's cigarettes.

Cents a pack down there.

But we don't smoke.

Uh, we're gonna have
to get a statement

From every one of those guys.

Uh, yeah, right.

Monty, take a seat
over there at my desk.

Pinky, squirrel...

Uh, ray, excuse
me, if you don't mind.

Oh, sure. It's just I
know them all by name.

Well, I appreciate it.

Thank you.

Gentlemen, we're gonna need
some information from each of you.

I didn't think that this
could happen in america.

Nor did we.

I mean, what's this
country coming to?

What's this country coming to?

I'll tell you what this
country's coming to.

People are losing hope.

People are losing faith in
the leadership of this country.

Mr. Royce.

They are getting
tired of being told

To lower their expectations,
tighten up their belts,

Stand up straight, don't slouch.

Mr. Royce, please.

"Mr. Royce," you say, yes,

But we have no
other alternative.

Our resources are running out.

The american dream
must be abandoned.

To that, I reply, bunk!

The american dream is not dead.

It's just waiting
to be rekindled.

We have the ability and the will

To ensure not only
that every citizen

Has a right to a decent place
to live and enough to eat,

But, more important,

That he has an important
role to play in society!

It's about time.

And... If I'm elected,

I shall go forward
with your guidance

And the grace of god

To undertake the challenge

Of making this nation
something to write home about!

Good stuff!

All right, all right.
Come on, royce.

Come on, royce.
Out of the soapbox.

Thank you for
your support. Here.

Remember me... Alfred
royce, the people's candidate.

I'll need your help in november.

Remember, with you and
me, we can go all the way.

Yeah, all the way
downtown. Come on, royce.

Okay, everybody
want to find a cop?

Lose something?

I came back to apologize.

Who to?

To both of you.

I was thinking about
what I said yesterday,

And i... I realized that I
had absolutely no right

To ask of you what I did.

It meant much more than
just a few hours of your time.

Even if we never met again,

You would always know that
there was someone out there

That was... A part of you.

Yeah, we thought about that.

Well, i-i really hope
that I haven't caused

Any undue friction
between the two of you.

No, us?

Nah. No.

Um... I'm sorry.

I know it's none of my business,

But are you gonna...

Are you gonna keep
looking for somebody?

Uh, no.

It's... It's already
been taken care of.

Oh.

Someone we'd approve of?

I have to be going.

Thank you again
for your kindness.

Least we could do.

Goodbye, carl.

Take care of yourself, laura.

As of this moment, you
gentlemen are working for free.

Huh?

: , Check-out time.

Oh, I get it.

Inspector? Huh?

It's check-out time. No, no.

I think I'm gonna
stick around, barney,

And finish up a few reports.

Maybe I can get one
of the guys to help you.

No, no. No need
for that, barney.

Why don't you young
fellas go on home?

You know, b*at it.

Leave the old captain
here alone to work in peace.

Okay.

Good night, inspector.

Good night, barney.

Good night, inspector luger.

D.d.

Good night... Inspector luger.

Woj.

Good night, inspector luger.

Vagrant.

Good night, inspector luger.

Good night, har.

Good night, inspector luger.

Good night, levitt.

Thank you.