06x21 - The Inventor

[bunniefuu]

What you looking at?

The fog.

It's dropping
down the air shaft.

- Beautiful.
- Mm.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair:

Hover through the
fog and filthy air.

Bill shakespeare.

The fog comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking over
the harbor and city

On silent haunches
and then moves on.

Carl sandburg.

I got smog in my noggin.

Edd "kookie" byrnes.

Good evening, people.

- Good evening.
- Hey.

What do you think of this fog?

Thick as pea soup.

Well, we did better than that.

Yes, we did.

Barney not in yet, huh?

No.

Isn't he supposed to find out
about deputy inspector today?

Yeah.

What do you think?

Is he going to make it?

I guess he's got a sh*t.

Course, if he does make it,

That means we got to
break in a new captain.

Yeah, we could train
him right this time.

Of course, you know,

There's no reason it
couldn't be one of us.

I don't know if I'd want
all that responsibility.

Excuse me.

What makes you think
it's got to be you?

Wojo, it's only logical, man.

Well, what's so
logical about it?

Gentlemen, this is
all very fascinating,

But I believe we
all have work to do.

Just getting in shape.

Okay, mr. Jennings.
You get one phone call.

I'd use it to arrange bail.

Ain't got no money for bail.

Oh.

Well, you must have some
friends that could help you out.

I've got a friend
in kansas city.

He's dead.

Sorry.

Why? You didn't sh**t him.

Yeah.

Okay, I have to put
you in the cage now.

You're the man.

I am that.

Hey, what are you arresting
an old guy like that for?

No reason.

Oh, I mean, disorderly conduct
and disturbing the peace.

Him?

He's one of those
street musicians...

Always plays down
around washington square.

Yeah?

He went a little crazy,

And he assaulted a string
quartet from juilliard.

They were on my corner.

Second violinist is
pressing charges.

I see.

Should I be telling
this to captain miller?

For the time being.

Excuse me.

- Good evening, gentlemen.
- Captain.

Evening, sir.

So, how's it going?

Fine.

Yeah. Be right there.

Barn, call from the
telephone company.

Somebody's up on top of
their roof with a sledgehammer.

All right. You and dietrich.

So, um, did you hear
about deputy inspector?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Did you get it?

No.

Sorry, barn.

Thanks for nothing.

Exactly.

Here you go.

Oh, fine. Thanks.

Harris and dietrich
are still out.

Okay. Let me know
when they get back in.

Yeah.

It was a no, huh?

Yeah, it was no.

They gave it to maddox.

Well, I guess you must
be a little disappointed.

Well, look, i...

Yeah, I'm a little disappointed.

Really thought I had a
good sh*t at it this time.

To tell you the truth, I
was starting to make plans.

Us too.

Hey, there's no reason
I should be surprised

That maddox got it.

He's a good cop. He deserves it.

Right.

Of course, it doesn't hurt
to be assigned to narcotics.

You get to make all
those flashy busts,

Get your picture in the
paper, tv interviews...

The kind of stuff

That really impresses
them downtown, you know?

Well, I'm glad to see
you're taking it so well.

Don't you people
understand?! They're k*lling us!

We're not deaf!

Well, we netted another one.

I heard.

All right.

This is victor carse, barney.

We found him up on top
of the phone company.

He was pounding away with
that sledgehammer there

At one of those big
dishes they got up there.

Not dishes like you and I
have, with nice patterns.

I'm talking about
dishes that k*ll!

He's talking about the
transmitters on the roof

That relay phone calls
on microwave frequencies.

Every time you use that phone,

That dish sends out more waves,

And they've been sh**ting
them at me for two years.

See, barn, mr. Carse
lives on the top floor

In the building right next door.

I could cook a chicken
on my windowsill.

That beats takeout.

Don't you know what those
microwaves are doing to us?

They're attacking
our nervous system,

Destroying our senses,
boiling our blood!

These things happen.

Haven't you been listening?

The phone company's going
to send somebody down

To press charges.

You should be arresting them!

Did you know... Did you know I
used to have perfect vision?

Now I can't even see
feet in front of me.

You see, the waves att*ck
the lenses and the cornea.

All right, all right.

But I have proof!

Newspaper articles!

Please, just take a look!

Please!

Uh-huh.

I bet you thought you
were just getting old.

Just book him.

Okay, uh...

But you've got to do something!

I mean, even as we speak,

Those waves are being
sent out all over the city.

Look, you don't have
to be afraid in here.

This is a lead building.

Sergeant, don't
treat me like I'm crazy,

'Cause I'm not!

Sorry.

Oh. That's okay.

Okay, if you'll just have
a seat right there, please.

Then we can get a little
information from you,

And then you can
make your phone call.

Get that thing away!

Just checking.

Woj, how you doing?

Hey.

Too bad about barney, isn't it?

I talked to him.

He seem okay?

Yeah, I think so.

It's dead here, isn't it?

Yeah.

What are you looking at?

Oh, some fancy food catalog.

Trying to think of something

To get my father
for his birthday.

Good luck.

It's hard to find something
that anyone would really like.

Yeah.

The th century king of prussia

Gave his bride the
entire kingdom of tuscany

For a gift.

I was thinking of this
assortment of cheese balls.

That's nice, too.

Nice piece of horn.

Thanks.

I'm, uh, no stranger
to the blues, myself.

I used to play the bugle.

So you're the one.

For over years, the
russians beamed microwaves

Into the american
embassy in moscow.

Two ambassadors d*ed of
cancer. Another has headaches.

Victor, in the cage.

Don't answer that!

Th precinct. Levitt.

They think I'm crazy.

I'm just passing through.

So, uh... What are you in for?

Playing my music.

Is that your trumpet?

Yeah.

That's my sledgehammer.

I may just ease down a bit.

Alarm just went off on
houston. You and me, wojo.

I'll tell the captain.

Yeah?

Levitt: sir?

Yeah. What is it?

Bulb burn out?

What is it, levitt?

Possible break-in on houston.

Yeah?

Well, I thought we should
put in an appearance.

Whoever you're on with.

Yes, sir.

Well, I'll be returning
to the land of light now.

Fine, fine.

Buzz if you need anything.

I'll be fine, levitt.

I'll look in on you
a little later, sir.

Anything happening with me?

Oh. Um, did you make bail yet?

No.

Well, i, um, guess we're
gonna have to transfer you

Over to the tombs.

What's going to
happen to my trumpet?

I'm afraid we're gonna
have to hold that

Until after your trial.

I got to play every
day or I get uneasy.

Yeah.

Sorry, mr. Jennings.

The name is edward.

Fast eddie.

Yeah, but I was the first.

I'm howard kimbro,
telephone company.

You owe me some dimes.

They told me to
see a captain miller.

I'm here to press charges
against victor carse.

Hello, mr. Kimbro.

I told you to write a letter!

But your microwaves
are k*lling us!

There is nothing wrong
with our microwaves!

Come on! Hold the phone!

You're sick! You know that?

Uh, I'll get the captain.

Of course, mr. Carse
is completely deranged.

Our microwave equipment is
designed for maximum safety.

How long you had that twitch?

What twitch?

Anybody home?

Come on in, harris.

Ma bell's outside.

What?

Oh. Um...

Uh, mr. Kimbro from
the phone company.

Fine.

Oh.

Somebody been,
um, smoking in here?

I smoked a cigarette.

Very good.

First one in three years.

Found an old pack laying around.

You smoked a
-year-old cigarette?

Just wanted to make sure I
wouldn't get hooked again.

That'll do it.

I asked nicely.

You just laughed at me.

I'm in customer relations. I
don't have to listen to this.

Kimbro, I'm captain miller.

I take it you're here to press
charges against mr. Carse.

- Yes.
- Sergeant dietrich will be
glad to take your statement.

This is all so ridiculous.

I have been working in
that building for years.

Wonderful.

Anyway, he talks like
we are the only people

That are using microwaves.

Everybody does... Tv
stations, hospitals, the police.

They're all over the place.

And they're k*lling us!

Would you stop saying that?

Mr. Kimbro, you
want to have a seat?

Do you have any aspirin?

I'm afraid not. I just checked.

I have this ringing.

Mr. Kimbro, get your
aspirin over here.

Okay. Inside, bauer.

Hey, you sure you
got the right room?

Uh, hey, barn...

You all right?

Yeah, yeah.

Um, well, check this out.

Okay, levitt. What do you got?

This is fred bauer...

Broke into a christian science
reading room on houston.

Those pamphlets are free.

I didn't take any.

Barn, uh, the reading room

Is right next to
a jewelry store,

And so, uh, he got
mixed up in the fog

And went into the
wrong building.

Funny, huh?

Hey, I think so.

We picked him up in the
alley behind the building.

I was looking for my car.

It's gray.

See, we found him crawling
around on all fours.

Yeah. I thought that's
what you're supposed to do.

But then I remembered
that's for smoke.

Smoke.

Not my night, huh?

Book him, levitt.

It's the least I can do, sir.

Sit down, bauer.

Hey, I'm the one being
arrested, and I'm taking it okay.

- Just sit down, will you?
- Hey, oh. Relax.

I'll check him for priors
and take care of it.

Fine. Thanks.

Carse: what about me, captain?

What are you going
to do about me?

Mr. Carse, you'll probably
be transferred downtown,

Arraigned sometime tomorrow.

What about the microwaves?
They're still coming at us.

Aren't you going
to do something?

I'll be in my office.
Hold my calls.

Oh, bless you, captain.

I need the spelling of
your last name first,

First name last,
and middle initial.

Bauer... B-a-u-e-r.

Fred... F-r-e-d.

Middle initial
"w"... D-o-u-b-l-e-u.

Somebody die in here?

You ever see him like this?

Maybe we ought to talk to him.

I think he needs a
little time by himself.

That's enough.

Uh, levitt, we'll
be in the office,

So you, uh, watch things, okay?

Sure. Better take a flashlight.

Hey.

Problems?

No.

We thought that, uh...

We thought you
might want to talk.

No, not really.

- Okay.
- All right.

Look, believe me, there's
nothing to worry about.

I've completely accepted it.

What is there to
completely accept?

So you didn't make it this time.

This time? This
was the third time.

If you don't make deputy
inspector by the third time,

You can just about
forget about it.

It's just the department's
little way of telling you

That you're just
not good enough.

Come on, barn.

Harris: yeah.

I mean, the only
reason you never got it

Is just 'cause, well, you
don't play their game.

Sure. It's all politics.

You know, a lot of this
is... Is probably our fault.

Oh, come on, wojo
yeah. Wojo's right.

I mean, there have been
a lot of things in the past

That we've done that didn't
exactly win you any gold stars

From the brass.

Yeah. I mean, harris' book
didn't make you any friends.

And I got to be the
worst offender.

I'm always... I've
been overreacting,

Busting guys that
shouldn't get busted,

Granting asylum to someone
without asking permission.

That got you in hot water.

That's true.

Although...

Actually, um, now
that I think about it,

My book could have been the
deciding factor in this thing.

It was just a book. I mean,
I screw up consistently.

Hey, what about me
getting arrested?

I buried him.

Gentlemen, this is, uh,
really not necessary.

I appreciate it, but
it's not necessary.

Well, you made us feel good.

But, barn, what if you
never made deputy inspector?

I mean, there are worse
things that could happen

Than to spend your time here.

Look...

Believe me, the promotion
really didn't matter.

If I never make deputy
inspector, I can live with it.

It really doesn't
matter that much.

And that's the
problem. Don't you see?

- No, barn. I'm not
sure... I don't...

What I mean is...

It's getting harder
and harder to...

To keep a sense of
purpose around here.

I mean, we bring people
in. We ship them out.

Nothing changes.

I enjoy the paperwork.

You know, the first
years are really the best.

I mean, we really thought
we would make a difference.

We were out there every
day, busting our tails.

Me, baxter, crusen.

Oh, my god. I'm starting
to sound like luger.

That's okay. We've
caught it in time.

Phew.

Well, I sure wish there
was something we could do.

Look, just...

Just the fact that you guys
came in here together like this

Really means a lot to me.

I appreciate it.

But the fact is

I'm gonna have to
deal with this myself.

Okay.

I guess we'll be
getting back outside.

Barn? Want to come?

No, not really.

Gonna do some more brooding?

I may just a little, yeah.

Hey, got a hell
of a night for it.

It was his last chance.

What year is this?

Shh.