02x05 - The Devil and Jonathan Smith

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Highway to Heaven". Aired: September 19, 1984 – August 4, 1989.*
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Jonathan Smith is a "probationary" angel sent to Earth to help people in need.
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02x05 - The Devil and Jonathan Smith

Post by bunniefuu »

Boy, I cannot believe
it's almost Halloween.

You know, next to Christmas, that was
my favourite when I was a kid.

Trick-or-treating, scary costumes.
I loved it.

You like scary movies?

Not particularly, no.

Boy, I do. Monsters, werewolves,
scarier the better.

- You really like scary stuff, huh?
- Like it? I love it.

You wanna see something
real scary?

Yeah.

No, no, I'm talking
really, really scary.

Come on, I said I love it.
Give me your best shot.

Okay.

- You ready?
- Come on, I'm ready.

That's not funny, Jonathan.

You said you wanted
to see something scary.

That's cute, cute.

Hey, look, it stopped raining.

- I know. This is where I get out.
- What, you got an assignment?

- Yeah, somewhere around here.
- What kind is it?

I don't know yet. You get us
a place to stay, and I'll meet you later.

- Be careful, will you?
- What are you talking about?

I don't know,
it's a feeling I've got.

Just be careful.

Jonathan.

Well, that's about it,
Mr. Gordon.

Three witnesses say there wasn't
a thing you could have done to avoid it.

It was clearly the kid's fault.

Who cares whose fault it was?
He's just a kid.

Yeah. Anyway, you can go now.

I'll stick around
until he comes out of surgery.

Might need a blood donor
or something. I don't know.

Suit yourself.

- Excuse me.
- Yes?

Could you tell me how
the little kid's doing in surgery?

Are you a member of the family?

- I'm the guy who hit him.
- I see.

I wish I had better news for you.

He's in very critical condition.
We're doing all we can.

If he needs any blood
or anything, I'm right here.

He's gonna need more than blood.
He's gonna need a miracle.

- Are you Mr. Gordon?
- Yeah.

How's he doing, doc...?

Stone, Jabez Stone.

It's hard to tell at this point.

I've just stepped
into the case myself.

Are you a specialist of some kind?

Well, you might say that.

I specialise
in certain kinds of transplants.

Listen, anything that kid needs,
anything I have, you got it.

Anything?

Yeah, if he needs a kidney or anything,
I mean, you got it.

That's very generous of you,
but are you quite sure

you're willing to make such
a sacrifice for a total stranger?

I swear by all that's holy,
I will do anything.

I will give anything to make sure
that kid comes out okay.

Well, that's good to know,
Mr. Gordon.

I'll take you at your word
and do my best.

I'll see you later.

Hey, doc. Doc.

How's he doing?
Is he gonna make it?

Yes, yes. It's--It's the most
amazing thing I've ever seen.

That's great.
You guys are fantastic.

I wish I could take credit,
but I can't.

- Must have been the specialist, huh?
- What specialist?

What's-his-name? Dr. Stone.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

I told you we'd need a miracle,
and we got one.

He's gonna be fine.

- Jonathan.
- I beg your pardon?

Nothing, nothing, doc.
Thanks again.

All right.

All right, gents,
it's just the easiest thing in the world.

I put the pea underneath the shell
and you find it.

It's so easy a child could do it.

That one.

What'd I tell you?

Beat me fair and square,
third time in a row.

Well, friend,
you're too good for me.

Here's your money.

I'll go you one more,
this time for some real money.

Oh, I don't know.
That's quite a bit of money.

Hey, you said you'd match
any amount.

- All right.
- Harold,

that's a whole week's pay
you just put up there.

I know what I'm doing.
Let her rip there, pal.

It's that one.

Well, I'm entitled to win one
once in a while too.

You know, I knew my luck
had to change.

Care to go one more?

I could have sworn
it was under there.

- I told you, Harold.
- That was the rent money.

I'll stake you to another chance,

as long as you promise
to quit if you win.

Yes, a social reformer's heart
with the instinct of a gambler.

- I like that. I like you, son.
- Mister,

you win me my money back
and I'll never play this game again.

Okay. Looks like we go
another round, Mr...?

Barabbas, C.J. Barabbas.

- And you are...?
- Smith, Jonathan Smith.

Smith, a fine old name.

All right, Mr. Smith,
let's see the colour of your money.

Oh, my, my, my.
Well, all right, gents.

Here we go again,
it's just the easiest thing in the world,

so easy a child could do it.

All right then,
where is the little darling?

Pick one, Harold.

Oh, my luck stinks, mister.

Not anymore.
Go ahead, pick one.

Well, I'm sorry--

I did it.

Like you said, everyone's
entitled to win once in a while.

I don't know how to thank you.

All right, make sure you keep
that promise. No more gambling.

Hey, don't worry.
I won't, I won't.

- Let's get out of here, Steve.
- Okay.

Lucky guy.

Of course, he...

He could have picked this one,
or this one.

- Just who are you, pilgrim?
- Like I said, Jonathan Smith.

Well, Jonathan, you're good.
You're real good.

Thank you very much.

I like you, son.
I mean, I like you.

Now, I haven't seen you
in here before, have I?

No, I came here looking for you.

- To help you, if I can.
- Oh, a partner, huh?

No, no, not a partner, just a friend.

I was sent to tell you
you're getting a second chance.

A second chance? For what?

To change your ways.

There's a lot of good in you,
C.J. Barabbas.

Use it.

Hey, who are you?

A friend of a friend.

- Good evening, Mr. Gordon.
- What?

Dr. Stone, what are you doing here?
How'd you know where I live?

I'm not a doctor.

Perhaps this will explain.

My soul?
What is this, some kind of joke?

It is certainly no joke.

You swore to me, Mr. Gordon,
by all that's holy.

Those were your exact words,
that you would do anything,

anything, you said,
if the child were to recover.

Anything at all.

I kept my part of the bargain.
The child recovered.

Now, if you'll be kind enough
to sign this note,

- you will have kept yours.
- Wait, let me get this straight.

You want me to sign
something that says

on the twelfth stroke of midnight
on All Hallows' Eve,

you can take
possession of my soul?

No, no, not me, my boss.

Your boss being the guy
with the horns and the tail?

The tail, no. That's a rumor.

Okay, wacko, out you go.

Then you're reneging
on your part of the bargain.

I said out.

Very well, then I shall renege
on my part as well.

I suggest
you telephone the hospital

to see how the little chap
is doing now.

I said out.

When you decide to sign,
you can find me at this address.

Get out of here.

Very well. I wouldn't wait too long
to make that call.

The poor little chap is fading
quite rapidly.

Good evening, Mr. Gordon.
I trust I shall see you again.

You're gonna see my foot
in your keister

if you don't get out of this building.

I cannot believe that they let
people like this walk the streets.

Hello, I'm Mark Gordon.

I wonder if you could tell me
how Bobby Crawford's doing.

Just now?

How bad?

Thanks.

Stone?

Mr. Gordon,
what a pleasant surprise.

Well, actually, not a surprise.

- I was...
- He's dying.

Who? Oh, the little boy.

Indeed he is.

Then you're telling the truth.
You do work for...

And if I sign,
the boy will be all right?

Swear to God.

I'd rather not.

After you sign,
you can phone the hospital.

All right, I'll sign.

I rather imagined you would.

Come with me.

I mean, this guy was for real,
Jonathan.

I mean he had a cat there.

Cat's name was Beelzebub,
something like that.

- Beelzebub.
- Yeah, well, anyway,

you know
who that cat used to be?

It used to be his superior,
until he fouled up, and:

And you know
who changed him into a cat?

Mark, how could you
sign that paper?

Jonathan, I didn't have any choice.
The boy was dying.

I signed, he started getting better.

The boy is fine now.
That's all that matters.

I played it cool too.

I didn't let on to this Stone
that I was connected.

What does that mean?

That means you.
You're an angel, you got powers.

You can get me out of this.

When one of us
runs into one of them,

neither of us has any powers
against the other.

It's sort of an arrangement.

What are you--?
Jonathan, don't say that.

That guy is coming here
tomorrow night with his boss

at the twelfth stroke
of midnight.

They're gonna unseal that document
and take my soul.

You know where
they're gonna take it.

I know. I know. Don't worry,
I'll think of something.

Don't worry?
That's easy for you to say.

Your ticket's already stamped
for up there.

That guy has a contract, Jonathan,
that I signed,

that says
I got a one-way ticket south.

I hate the heat. I can't take it
when the air conditioner breaks down.

I'm not gonna let it happen, I swear.

You said you haven't got
any powers on this one.

I know what I said.

There just might be someone
who could help us.

Now, let me see
if I got all this.

Your fuzzy friend here
sold his soul to the devil

in order to save some kid.

Not so loud, huh?

And you two want me
to help you con the devil

in order to get back this contract.
And you,

- you're an angel.
- Right.

You mean full-tilt angel,

the halo, the wings,
the whole megillah?

Actually, I don't have my wings yet.
I'm sort of on probation right now.

Me too.

Well, gents,
I've heard some good ones,

but this one tops them all.

- Hey, we're telling you the truth.
- Well, if you believe that, furball,

then you got more birds
sitting in your antenna

than anyone I've ever met.

I'll see you boys around.

Look, what do we have to do
to convince you?

Make me fly, angel. I love it.

Okay.

No, no.

Okay, let's say I help you out.

- What's in it for me?
- What do you mean?

I mean, I do you a favour,
you do me a favour.

I pull your friend's ashes
out of the fire here--

Couldn't you put that
another way?

Yeah, I see what you mean.
But you catch my meaning.

I do you a favour,
you do me a favour.

You get me in upstairs, right?

Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

I mean, your salvation
is between you and the boss.

There are no deals.

Well, hey, there aren't any deals,
there aren't any deals.

So I pass.

Come on, where's your pride?

- My what?
- Your pride.

I thought you were a great con man.

You thought?
You thought, young man?

C.J. Barabbas is a legend
among con men.

Till now, you've been a legend
in your mind.

I'm giving you a chance
to really be a legend.

What do you mean?

I mean the ultimate con.
The Super Bowl of all cons.

C.J., I'm giving you a chance
to con the devil.

You'll go down in history.

Yeah, to beat the devil...

What do you say?

Gentlemen,
you got yourselves a deal.

Excuse me.

You're excused.

I'm Professor Rudolf Heinkeldorf.
This is my brother Henry.

Charmed, I'm sure.

How may I be of service
to you gentlemen?

We--
We have a very old book.

It's been in our family
for almost years.

Yes, and now we've fallen on
hard times and we're forced to sell it.

It is our understanding that you do
sell books on consignment.

- That is correct.
- That's what we wish to do, then.

We wish to place this book here
on consignment.

Say, it's awfully warm in here,
isn't it?

Yes, I keep it that way.
It reminds me of home.

Where were you born,
in a steam bath?

A droll sense of humour.

May I see the book, please?

Oh, yes, yes, of course,
it's right here in this briefcase.

What kind of book is it?

It's a very old rare copy
of the Holy Bible.

Is there something wrong?

It's a splinter in my finger.

Now, if you gentlemen will sign
the standard agreement--

Oh, not so fast, Mr. Stone, look.

Before we leave
this very valuable book here,

we have to make certain it's safe,

that you have the proper
security precautions.

Professor, let me assure you,
on that count,

you have nothing to worry about.

Follow me.

As you can see, these are
the safe-deposit boxes

where our rare books
and documents are kept.

In the unlikely event
that the vault is broken into,

the doors to the store lock

and the police are summoned
by a silent alarm.

Gentlemen, we are impregnable.

Sounds safe to me, Henry.

I don't know, brother.
I think we should think on it.

- I understand.
- We'll be in touch.

My pleasure, gentlemen.

It must be static electricity.

Yes, I suppose.

Good day, Mr. Stone.

Are you sure there isn't
a little devil in you, my friend?

You were very good
back there.

C.J., I just don't see how this thing
is gonna work. The man's shrewd.

How are you gonna con him
out of that contract?

I'm not. We're gonna steal it.

Or more correctly,
you're gonna steal it.

He's an angel, he can't steal.

Well, if he can't, I'd get used
to shovelling coal if I were you.

Look, C.J., I'm not a safecracker.

Well, you don't have to be.

Oh, this is gonna be so elegant.

We're gonna need some help,
but that's okay,

because I've got friends
owe me a favour or two.

They'll work out fine as the attendants
and the lineman.

What attendants?
What are you talking about?

All in good time, pilgrim,
all in good time.

Mark, can you describe
that document and the seal to me?

- I mean precisely.
- Are you kidding? I'll never forget it.

Because that's the first step.

Now, I have this other friend,
a forger,

and he'll make up a duplicate
of the document you signed.

- Why?
- Because it's elegant. That's why.

The elegant con is the one

where the sucker never knows
that he's been taken.

Now, you, dear brother Henry,

will agree to place your Bible
inside the safety-deposit box.

But once inside the vault,

much to my horror,
you will suffer a heart attack.

Ambulance attendants will be called,
my friends, of course,

and once alone in the vault,

they'll pop open
the safety-deposit box,

pull out the real contract,
and replace it with the phoney.

So if Stone does check,
he won't find a thing missing.

It's simple, to the point, and elegant.
What do you think?

I think it's still stealing.

It's either that or you buy your friend
here some asbestos underwear.

I suppose you're right.

Well, my dears,

I've got places to go, people to meet,
arrangements to be made.

I'm gonna miss being a crook
when I go straight.

Isn't this fun?

Yeah, peachy.

I been thinking, maybe this isn't
such a good idea after all.

Have you got something else
in mind?

Jonathan, it is stealing.

You're an angel, you can't steal.

You said yourself
you're on probation.

And if I don't, what happens to you?

Steal it.

Professor Heinkeldorf.

- Have you made your decision?
- Oh, I sure have.

And you can forget about Heinkeldorf,
the name is C.J. Barabbas.

I know who you are, Stone,
and I know who you work for.

Do you indeed?

Yes, and I know that you hold
a promissory note

for the soul of one Mark Gordon.

You are well-informed.

If the other side won't make a deal,
I figure you guys will.

I'm not sure I understand you.

Well, I want a guarantee

that I get a cushy spot down there,
like you got.

Well... Yes, we're always open
to propositions.

What do you have to offer?

Something that will be worth
a lot more to your boss

- than the soul of Mark Gordon.
- And what is that?

The soul of Jonathan Smith.

Jonathan Smith?

Yeah, yeah, the soul of an angel.

I'll be right back.

Look, the way I figure it,
there was just no way

I was gonna get to go to heaven.

I mean, there was just no way.

So I figure I do you guys a little favour
and maybe you can do me one.

- Such as?
- Well,

a softer gig,
if you catch my meaning.

Maybe someplace
isn't quite so hot.

Maybe a nice office job
with air conditioning.

I mean, from what I hear, your boss
can play rough when he wants to.

He certainly can.

Isn't that right, Beelzebub?

Used to be my superior
until he fouled up once too often.

Right.

Well, what I had in mind

was I know this cop, see.
Well, I just don't know him,

I mean, I'm his stoolie
on occasion.

- Oh, you are despicable.
- Yeah, I know.

Well, anyway, what I'll do is,

I'll bring him down here
and I'll tip him to the whole thing.

He sets a trap and bingo,

the cops catch an angel red-handed
in a robbery in progress.

It's grand larceny.

Absolutely sets my blood pulsing.

And you think the big guy upstairs
is gonna come to the rescue

of an angel
who's committed a crime?

Of course not. He's so square.

And the angel's soul?

I'm coming to that.

This guy Gordon
is his best friend.

Well, with the big guy
out of the picture,

you give Smith a chance
to save his buddy.

His soul for Gordon's.

Pretty good, huh?

It's not good at all,
absolutely wicked.

C.J., you have a future with us.

Lieutenant Yablonsky,
rd precinct. Mr. Stone?

Yes, a pleasure, I'm sure.

Mr. Stone, I wanna thank you.

We really appreciate
your cooperation in this matter.

Anything I can do to help
the cause of law and order.

Right. Now,

we have to let this Smith character
actually commit the robbery.

We wanna catch him
with the goods on him,

so that we can be sure
of a conviction.

- I understand.
- Now,

I'll be right here
pretending to be a customer,

and we'll have another
plainclothesman in the store as well,

so you'll be fully protected.

What stinks in here?

Smells like sulphur.

It's my aftershave.

Yeah, sure.

Anyway, we'll have
two unmarked units outside

and some black-and-white
backup units around the corner,

so there'll be no danger to you,

just in case
this Smith guy is armed.

- Oh, he won't be armed.
- Hey, you never can tell.

Trust me, lieutenant, for a crook,
this guy's an angel.

Jonathan, I'm worried about this.
It really is stealing, you know?

I know what it is,
but I can't let them take you.

Yeah, what do you think the boss
is gonna say?

Everything's all set, pilgrims.
How we doing?

- I'm ready.
- C.J., forget it.

- It's off.
- No, it isn't, it's on.

Hey, Mark, we made a deal.

I mean, a deal's a deal, right?

I mean, an angel
can't go back on his word.

It wouldn't be right. Right?

He's right. Let's go.

Unit , Yablonsky.

Yablonsky here.

Unit one in position, lieutenant.

Telephone repair truck
just pulled around back.

He's one of the g*ng.

You keep him under surveillance,
but don't make a move.

My, you certainly are authoritative,
aren't you?

You got it.

I can't let him do this. I can't.

Here they come.

Gentlemen,
have you made your decision?

Yes, we have, we've decided
to go ahead and trust you.

A wise choice, I'm sure.

Oh, no doubt.

I've convinced my brother
that you are a man

who can keep his word.

You won't be disappointed.
Follow me, gentlemen.

What's that guy doing here?

He'll blow the whole setup.
Let's grab him.

Freeze.

- I'll open the vault.
- Thank you.

Here you are.

- I beg your pardon?
- It's a sinus problem.

Henry. Henry, what's wrong?

- My heart.
- Quick, call an ambulance.

- I'll start CPR on my brother.
- Yes, of course.

- That was very good.
- I just hope he liked it.

Emergency.

The Cherokee bookstore,
near the corner.

He's had a heart attack.
Please hurry.

Don't worry, sir.
We'll have a unit dispatched at once.

Thank hell you're here.

- Where is he?
- In the back, in the vault, downstairs.

Okay, Vortlander. Bust the lineman.

So far, so good.

Jonathan, are you all right?

I'm just praying.

All right, let's do it.

- How is he?
- I don't think he's gonna make it.

That's it, Unit . Close in.

Okay, freeze.
Put your hands on your heads.

Okay, Smith. Get up nice and slow.
The game's over.

You lying creep.

- Hey, is he in on this too?
- No, no, you can let him go.

There are other things in store
for him tonight.

He's just a dupe.

Okay, let's get out of here.

Here it is.

You're under arrest. Cuff him.

So this is what all the fuss is about.

I'll take that,
if you don't mind, lieutenant.

I'm afraid not. It's evidence.

I beg your pardon?

That's mine. He tried to steal it.

I know that, but it's evidence.
You'll get it back after the trial.

But you don't understand,
I need that document tonight.

Like I said, Mr. Stone,
it's evidence.

Lieutenant,

may I speak with you inside?

It's very important.

All right, but just for a second.

I've got a lot of paperwork to do
on these guys tonight.

Now, lieutenant,
this is a fake document.

Why don't you take this one
and leave the real one with me?

I'm afraid that's impossible.

But you don't understand.

I need that document
for a transaction tonight.

You can use the false one
for evidence.

Nobody will know,
except you and me.

It's worth a great deal to me,
lieutenant.

A very great deal.

I don't know.

Well, it's Halloween. Buy the kids
something special for trick-or-treat.

I really shouldn't.

I could lose my job,
and Christmas is coming.

- Christmas.
- Is something wrong?

It's a speech impediment.
I have a sibilant "s."

Well, lieutenant, why quibble?

Here take this
and stuff it up your stocking.

Lieutenant,

if I don't get that document,
I'll lose my job.

And believe me, my employer
can be more severe than yours.

Well,

like you said, it's rightfully yours.

Okay.

You'll have to come down
for a statement too, C.J.

All right, boys, let's go.

Mr. Gordon.

Take my advice.
Don't run, it's a waste of time.

And remember,
at the stroke of midnight,

we have an appointment
with my employer.

Of course you can run,
but as they say,

you can't hide.

Happy Halloween, big fellow.

What's the matter, mister?

It's trick-or-treat.

Yeah, I'll owe you.

Oh, master, my master.

How good to see you again.
Did you have a nice trip?

Have you got it?

Have I got it, have I got it.

Oh, master,
have I ever let you down?

What a question.
Is it hot in Hades?

Of course I have it. Here.

Very good, Stone.

All this and an angel.

You'll get your horns for this.

My horns.

Come, it's almost time.

Get me a cab.

A cab, master?

Yes, I like to look at the city
on Halloween.

After all, it is my night to howl.

Your night to howl.

What a card.

What a sense of humour.

Just get the cab.

Yes, of course, master.

That's quite a costume
you got there, mister.

It is, isn't it?

Yeah, I'm a sucker for tradition.

Hey, there's a "no smoking" sign
back there.

We're not smoking.

What is that?

It smells like smoke.

It's my cologne.

What do you call
that stuff anyway?

Brimstone.

Brimstone.
That Calvin Klein, what a guy.

Never mind. Never mind the fare.
Just let me get out of here.

Trick or treat.

Not a very homey looking place.

It would appear you travel light,
Mr. Gordon.

All the better.

I assume you know
why we're here.

We both know why you're here.

Mr. Smith, what a pleasure.

Sorry, I just can't say the same.

Really.

We have a few seconds
before midnight.

Still enough time to bargain.

What does that mean?

You've lived your life,
and for what?

In your hour of need,
he let you down.

No, he didn't let me down,
we let ourselves down.

How angelic.

Your soul

for your friend's here.

Just sign under his name.

Jonathan, don't listen to him.
Don't do it.

Quiet, you.

Jonathan, you're on probation.
You've been on it for a long time.

I mean, don't blow it now.

Only a few seconds left, Smith,
to make up your mind.

Your friend here,
your best friend?

I'm going to make it
miserable for him.

But for you?

We could get you a nice position
in public relations.

Just a few more ticks.

- Jonathan, don't do it.
- I can't let him take you.

- You have to.
- I can't. It's my fault you're into this.

All right, you made a deal. I'll sign.

Splendid.

Read it to him, Stone.

I said, read it to him.

I don't understand.

What does the contract say?

Read it.

"Trick or treat."

- Trick or treat?
- Excuse me.

Did I hear trick or treat?

I don't understand.

He stole the contract.

He and his men
were in the vault and stole it.

I beg your pardon.

While Mr. Smith was praying,
he thought we stole it,

but my guys
are going straight now.

They wouldn't steal.
You, Mr. Stone,

gave us the real contract.

Well, he didn't actually give it to us.

Sweetest con I ever worked.

That's right, Mr. Stone.

I gave you the fake.

You paid me to take
the real contract.

You paid him to take it?

I didn't know.

Here's the real one.

You know, it's like they say.

You can't cheat an honest man.

And since you don't have a contract,
you don't have a deal.

Give that to me, it's mine.

This will not be the last time
our paths cross, Mr. Smith.

I promise you.

Master, I'll make it up to you,
I swear.

Shall I call you a cab?

We did it, we beat the devil!

Master, please.
I'll make it up to you, I promise.

I'll do anything, anything at all.

"I'll make it up to you.
I'll make it up to you."

- What a wimp.
- Master, please.

To think I was going to give you
your horns.

- Perhaps I'll give you a tail instead.
- A tail?

A tail would be perfect.
Anything you say.

Yes, anything I say.
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