01x04 - Dodgebirds

[bunniefuu]

[Mighty Eagle whistling]

♪ Camp Splinterwood ♪

♪ Our summer home ♪

♪ For catapultin’! Slighshottin’!
Getting thrown! ♪

♪ Campers rocket through the trees ♪

♪Cannonballing where they please ♪

♪ Zip’n in the air ♪

♪ Crashing everywhere ♪

♪ Archery, Dodgebird
Borb tennis-- it's absurd. ♪

♪ Here they come
Red, Stella, b*mb, Chuck ♪

♪ Flying fast
Look out, duck ♪

♪ All your life you'll be glad
you had this ♪

♪ Angry Birds Summer Madness ♪

Whee!

Whoa!

Unh!

Come on, cheeple!

-This isn't rocket surgery!
-[Red and Chuck grunting]

We gotta hit them before they hit us.

Let's play Dodgebird!

[coughs]

Hey, Blue birds! Hope you like
chewing on hatchling feathers

because I got an
all-you-can-eat buffet for you.

Whoa! Pump the brakes, Stella.

These kids are in first grade.

Well, lucky for them Professor Stella's
here to teach them a valuable lesson.

Class in session!

Who's with me?

I am, I am, I am!

And I got some sweet, sweet moves!

Ooh, watch me shimmy!

Watch me dazzle! Watch me-- Ow!

-[Chuck groaning]
-Out, out and--

Ow, ow, ow!
So much pain.

Open wide and say, "Ahh," birdies!

-Dinner's ready!
-[bluebird giggling]

Wow, we may actually win for-- Unh!

[Red grunts]

-[whistle blows]
-And you are out!

Team Itty-Bitty Bluebirds wins.

-[bluebirds blow raspberry]
-Oh, come on!

Aww, don't be sad.
You'll still get to go to the finals.

I mean, you'll be in the stands
watching my team win, but you'll be there.

Ooh! That burn was unwell.

Do you mean sick burn?

Yeah, that's it. Sick burn!

Thanks, coach.

We'll see you in the finals.

On the court, beak-to-beak.

Yeah, beak-to-beak, face-to-face.

Head-to-shoulders, knees and toes,
knees and toes--

Team meeting.

I'm the captain of this team
and I do not lose ever!

And if we're on the same team, we do not--

-Shower?
-Lose, Chuck! We do not lose!

[sniffs] But you definitely
need to shower, like now.

[sniffing]

I know you love winning, Stella,
but losing is way easier.

Look. I have one rule.

Shower. I get it. I heard you
loud and clear before. Jeez!

No, Chuck, you do whatever it takes
to win, no matter the cost.

And if we had a real coach
instead of Mighty Eagle,

he'd say the same.

[laughing] Oh, coach!

I thought the schedule said couch!

It is real comfy.

Gonna be hard
getting me off this thing now.

[grunts] If we lose one more time,
we're out of the tournament

and the look on Robin's smug beak
will haunt me forever.

You know who you should get to coach you?
Harold.

What Harold? The Harold?

Yeah, you know, little guy, bald,
completely beaten down by life.

I mean, he was
the greatest Dodgebird champion

in the history
of Camp Splinterwood.

Hmm.

[Harold grunting]

Coach your Dodgebird team?
Oh, no can doodly I'm afraid.

But you were a winner.

Exactly. I was. Yeah.

That's why I can't coach you.
[straining]

That makes zero sense.

If you coach us,
we can win the tournament!

[metallic clang]

No doubt. But Lynette coaches
Robin's team and they always win.

Lynette loves winning.

Only thing she loves
more than winning is--

-You?
-Oh, gosh no, trophies!

Has a wall of them in her cabin,

and she's expecting to add to it
after the tournament.

She'd bend my beak if I dared
compete against her. No thanks!

[Harold grunting]

-Hey, Harold!
-[bluebird whistles]

-I'm not giving up. Dodgebirds don't quit.
-[bluebird giggles]

-[Harold gulps]
-Huh? Huh huh?

Mm-mm-mm.

Ohh!

[Stella] Huh? Huh? Huh?

Mm-mm.

-Huh? Huh? Huh?
-Ohh!

Huh?

[grunts]

Whoa! Was that you?

Yeah. [chuckles]
That was me.

Ohh! I come back to
my old clubhouse sometimes and--

To remember how good
winning that trophy felt?

To remember the sound of the crowd
cheering for you?

[crowd cheering]

[air conditioner rumbles, then stops]

Ooh. Winning that tournament
was the best day of my life.

Coach us, Harold. You can win it again.

You can have another trophy.
Another best day.

Just listen to the crowd.

[air conditioner rumbling
like crowd cheering]

[Stella] Harold! Harold!

Quit it! No, don't!
I'm tellin you I can't--

Oh, fine! I'll do it!

Yes!

You want to win the Dodgebird tournament?

Well, winning costs!

And right here is where you start payin'!

In sweat!

I just showered!

If you want to win,
you have to be the hatchlings!

You must become one with the ball.

Now load up!

Whoo!

-[Harold] Yeah! Keep it up!
-[Stella screaming]

Way to go, guys!

[Chuck hooting]

[all screaming]

[all grunt and shout]

-You're ready!
-[bluebird giggles]

I've taught you everything I know.

Wow, really?
That only took like seconds.

Oh, it's on.

[whistle blows]

You're out!

[Stella giggling]
You did it, Harold! You got us to--

[Harold] The finals. I sure did!

That's what winners do!
[chuckles]

Ooh, I am so glad
you and your loser team made it.

It's gonna be so much fun
kicking your butt feathers!

That's my trophy, Harold!

If you were smart,
you'd quit right now.

Well, you know me, cuddle bug.
Not very smart.

Too bad because if your team beats mine,

you're looking for another camp
to work at, as in bye-bye.

You can't coach us, Harold.

But it's like you said,
winners win no matter the cost.

But when the cost is your job,
your home, your marriage?

Lynette said she'd "bye-bye" you!

Dodgebirds don't quit
and I am % Dodgebird.

[whistle blows]

Let's get ready to play Dodgebird!

[crowd cheering]

Guys, we have to lose the game.

If we win, Lynette will fire Harold.

He'll have to leave camp. We gotta lose.

You heard her, boys.
Let's stink this place up.

Oh! Whoa!

[grunts]

Harold trained us too well!
Losing is gonna be impossible!

[grunts]

-[crowd groans]
-[whistle blows]

Oh, that's it. You're going down!

Sorry. We're really trying to lose here.

Don't worry, cheeple. I got you.

[bluebirds giggling]

[whistle blows]
Chuck, b*mb, Red! You're out!

[blows air]

Um, what are you celebrating for?
You're throwing the game.

-Yep!
-Time out.

I'm pulling Stella
and replacing her with me.

What? He's not allowed to do that!

It's in the rules.

Then I pull my team
and replace them with me!

-[Stella & Robin] Huh?!
-Sudden death! Game on!

[whistle blows]

This is the dumbest game
of Dodgebird ever.

Don't do it, Harold. It's not worth it!

She's right.

[suspenseful music]

[both grunting]

What's he doing?

[hard rock music playing]

[energy humming]

[Lynette gasps]

Be the hatchling.
Be the hatchling.

[gasps]
He's becoming one with the ball.

[Stella gasps]

No!

You're out! Harold wins!

[crowd cheering]

Whoo!

[cheering continues]

Oh, birdfeed.

Harold!

-[Harold gulps]
-You didn't listen to me.

You just had to win, didn't you?

-[Harold whimpering]
-I have never seen

this side of you before.

[all gasp]

I like it.

[kissing noises]

[boys] Ugh!

[girls] Eww!

Ohh!

Harold, I just want to say that I really--

-[Lynette] Harold!
-[Harold] Mmm mmm mmm!

Oh, okay, I get it.
This isn't about Dodgebird anymore.

I'll check back in later!

[Lynette] Harold!

[kissing noises continue]

[theme music playing]