02x13 - Prematurely Balding Eagle

[bunniefuu]

[whistling]

♪ Camp Splinterwood
Our summer home ♪

[driving rock music]

♪ For catapulting!
Slingshotting! Getting thrown! ♪

♪ Campers rocket through the trees ♪

♪ Cannonballing where they please ♪

♪ Zipping in the air ♪

♪ Crashing everywhere ♪

♪ Archery, dodge-bird, Borb tennis ♪

♪ It's absurd! ♪

♪ Here they come!
Red, Stella, b*mb, and Chuck ♪

♪ Flying fast
Look out, duck! ♪

♪ All your life you'll be glad
You had this ♪

♪ Angry Birds Summer Madness! ♪

[campers chatting]

[Harold] Good morning, campers!

Seems we've accidentally misplaced
a little old slingshot-aroo from the--

Mighty Eagle, just give us the slingshot.

Do you have any idea
how much paperwork I have to do

every time we lose one of those, hmm?

Awesome.

-[b*mb yelps]
-[wood splinters]

That the missing slingshot
she's yapping about?

Yeah, we asked you
if we could borrow it, and you said,

and I quote, "Whatevskis," end quote.

We're doing silhouette impressions.

I made a you!

It's a work in progress.

We don't want to get you in trouble, ME.
We can return the slingshot.

Pssh! Whatevskis.

He truly is the best worst counselor ever.

All right, check this one out.

Wahoo!

Ooh! Nice!

Eh, closer. Less blobby for sure.

Yo, Red, you ever cut hair?

Ooh! When I was little, I used to be
the personal stylist for all my dolls.

I mean, no. Why?

I just need a little help
with this stubborn guy here.

Hmm.

[grunts]
Right, haircut. No pressure.

-Hmm.
-[wind whistling]

-[scissor snips]
-[gasps]

That's… Okay, I just need to… Huh.

I think if I just…

Okay, to even that out, I have to…
[chuckles]

Uhh!

Whew!

Now, just need you to keep
an open mind there, big guy.

I'm sure it's fine-- [screaming]

I'm bald! Bald!

I-- I can't be bald!

Well, you are a bald eagle.

Yeah, but-- [sniffles]
not a "bald" bald eagle.

My dad's a bald eagle.
[sobbing]

I'm Mighty Eagle!

-[Red yelps]
-[blows nose loudly]

[sobbing continues]

Come on. You totally can't even tell, ME.

[Chuck whistles and gasps]

Woah! How long was I out for?

How come you guys haven't aged at all,
but Mighty Eagle looks ?

What year is this?

[sobbing] It's all over.

Red! You broke Mighty Eagle!

[whimpers]

Okay! No need to panic! We can fix this!
We could get his hair back!

But how?

Everyone knows the most important part
of healthy hair feather growth

is blood flow to the head.

Uh, is that why I'm upside down?

Yup. G-forces.

Trust the science, Mighty E.

It's smarter than all of us.

[Chuck screaming]

[rocket powering up]

Maybe this isn't a good idea.

I could just go crawl
into a ball in the corner.

Or you could let me fix this

by sh**ting you into the air
at , miles an hour.

T-minus let her rip!

Wait. How many miles per-- Aah!

[screaming]

Is it working?

[rocket explodes]

Yeah, no. We're gonna have to mix it up.

Uh, do we have to?

[screams and grunts]

[screaming continues]

[scoreboard buzzes]

Ow!

Wait for it!
Wait for it!

It's working!

[all groan]

Aww!

This is proving a little more
challenging than I anticipated.

Hmm. My abuelito started
losing his hair at an early age,

so my tita made him
a quick grow hair tonic.

-Whoa!
-All we gotta do is gather

the ingredients,
most of which I remember.

And I'll get my hair back?

I'm % almost sure.

[toilet flushes]

One heaping tablespoon
of hearty sewer stew.

Ahh!

Huh. Not a bad color on you.

[humming]

[Stella] A toe hair from a preteen pig.

-[flies buzzing]
-[Red groans]

[Stella] And a bucket
of leftover lunch scrapings.

[chewing loudly]

Chuck!

[burps]

What?

[campers shouting and laughing]

That… looks pretty gnarly.

There's gotta be something else we could--

You're not yourself, Big E.
You're not thinking straight.

Look at Abuelito's full head of hair!

Don't you want that again?

Yeah, but that stuff smells
like Chuck's bunk.

That's how we know it's gonna work.

[Mighty Eagle whimpers]

Soup's on!

It's tingling,
like butterflies kissing my scalp.

I think that means it's working.

-[sizzling]
-Okay, now it's a little warm.

A little warmer.

Okay, now it's hot.
Like burning, like really!

[Mighty Eagle hooting and yelling]

[wood splinters]

Now that's… [sniffs]

-a mighty eagle!
-[eagle screeches]

Eh, they just don't make sewer stew
like they used to.

There's one last thing we haven't tried!

Okay! Let's do this, birdies! Dazzle me!

[all cheer]

Whoo! [giggles]

[giggling]

Wow! Whoo!

[all cheering and hooting]

[b*mb] Yeah!

Huh. Nice heft, sassy but suave.

But I can't help
but feel it's missing something.

Yes! That's it!

-Ow! Ouch! Owie!
-[stapler clicking]

Uh, is it awesome?

It's more than awesome.
It's a work of art.

What do you think? Do you like it?

I don't like it.

I love it!

[all cheering]

[funky music plays]

-Whoa!
-Whoa!

-[whimpers]

Look at that swagger.
-Whoa!

Oh, he's so cool.

[campers gasp]

There you are!
Why haven't you come to my office?

And where is my slingshot?

You think you can…

What? I mean, the utter nonchalance.

It's beautiful!

We did it! Mighty Eagle is back!

[giggles]

Uh, guys?

-Huh?
-[grunting]

It's getting away!

[giggles]

[all laughing]

Oh!

Well, that's it. We failed.

[whistling]

Oh fiddlesticks!

Hey! You guys found the missing slingshot!

Yeah. It turns out
it was in our cabin. Weird.

So, we told Mighty Eagle we'd return it.

Since he's such an amazing counselor.

Uh, was.

What do you mean, "was"?

He quit, turned in his whistle
and his suntan lotion

and left for the slingshot station.

[all gasp]

Uh, mind if we borrow this real quick?

[all grunt]

Unh! Ohh!

Oh no. We're too late!

All aboard!

Ohh!

-[all breathing hard]
-Wait! Mighty Eagle, we can't let you go!

Sorry, guys,
but without my glorious locks,

it's like, who even am I?

You're Mighty Eagle! The Big ME!

The coolest counselor ever!

Yeah, maybe once.

But now I'm just
a bald, old fogy, like my daddy.

So, I guess I'm just gonna go join him
at his accounting firm,

like he always wanted.
[sighs]

ME, it's not your hair that made you cool.

You're just cool.

Yeah. You let us have fun
and do pretty much whatever we want.

Coolest counselor ever,
hair or no hair. Right, cheeps?

-Uh-huh!
-Yep!

[Chuck giggling]

-Huh?
-[Stella] Whoo-hoo!

Yeah!

We're still the same four goofballs
we were just a second ago.

And you're the same cool guy
you've always been!

Last call! Slingshot's a-launchin'!

What do you say, big guy? You staying?

Well, I've never been more humiliated,
tortured, and maimed

than I have by you four.

Aww.

Where else am I gonna find
buddies like you?

So, yeah, I'm staying!
Pew-pew-pew-pew!

All right.

[all laugh]

[all scream]

-[chuckles]
-[funky music plays]

[theme music playing]