03x01 - Lights! Camera! Destruction!

[bunniefuu]

-[Mighty Eagle whistles]
-[campers laughing]

♪ Camp Splinterwood
Our summer home ♪

[rock melody]

♪ For catapulting!
Slingshotting! Getting thrown! ♪

♪ Campers rocket through the trees ♪

♪ Cannonballing where they please ♪

♪ Zipping in the air ♪

♪ Crashing everywhere ♪

♪ Archery, dodge-bird, Borb tennis ♪

♪ It's absurd! ♪

♪ Here they come!
Red, Stella, b*mb, and Chuck ♪

♪ Flying fast
Look out, duck! ♪

♪ All your life you'll be glad
you had this ♪

♪ Angry Birds Summer Madness! ♪

-Are we rolling?
-Yes, dear.

You're supposed to say "action," Harold.

Oh yes. You're right, snookums. Sorry.

-Well?
-Oh, right.

Action!

Are you looking
for summer fun all summer long?

Then, look no further
than Camp Splinterwood.

We have everything you need.

Cabins with doors.

Unh!

Food that is...

[retching]

I can't do it!

Just cut, Harold! Cut!

An actual lake full of real water.

Wet! Probably no toxic waste in there.

You're having fun, aren't you?
You'd better be having fun!

-sh**t those kids, Harold!
-Please don't sh**t us!

-Useless. Get out of here!
-[campers whimper]

Back to me, Harold.

Camp Splinterwood.

You won't believe
how reasonable the prices are

because they're not.

Say "cut." Do it right, Harold!

Give me your honest opinion.

Um, you're overbearing,
and I feel completely smothered.

-About the video!
-Oh!

This is a disaster!

We need this promotional video
to recruit campers for next summer.

But since I put it on the website,
we haven't had a single new sign-up!

Oh, I'm sure it's not that bad.

You're right.
It's worse.

We're actually losing campers!

I don't care if there's "probably"
no toxic waste in there. Let's go!

Your lousy camerawork
is going to be the death of this camp!

I admit my cinematography
leaves a lot to be desired,

but I think I know how to fix this.

Burn the camp down for insurance?

I love it!

Um, sure.

Or how about we make a new promo?

By "we," I mean someone who, you know,
actually likes Camp Splinterwood.

And who, dare I ask, did you have in mind?

You want me to make
a promotional video for the camp?

Sure!

Question. What's "promotional" mean?

Oh!

-You can't be serious, Harold.
-Unh!

Leave the fate of Camp Splinterwood
in his feathers? He's an absolute oink!

-What do you mean, fate of the camp?
-We have no sign-ups for next year.

If we don't get enough
by the end of the day,

we have to close the camp for good.

What? You can't let that happen!
What are we gonna do?

Well, if you can make a video that shows
just how much Splinterwood means to you...

Then we'll have more sign-ups
and more money!

I was going to say we could save
the camp, but that too, I suppose.

-Oh!
-Whoa!

My video could save Camp Splinterwood.

Right. You better get started.

I've already been forced to sell
some precious camp heirlooms.

[snoring]

Don't worry.
No one loves this camp more than me,

and I'm going to let the whole world
know how amazing it is.

Hup! Oh! Aah!

I hope his filmmaking
is better than his dunk-slamming.

[Stella] A promo video?

Do we even have a camera?

Extreme elbow drop!

I've got something even better.

I have a vision.

I get those too! Oh!

I'm having one right now,
giant talking tomato.

This is going to be so cool!

I mean, Steven Spielbird,
Tim Birdton, Quailtin Tarantino...

All great filmmakers start with a vision.

Exactly!

And my vision is to show
how Camp Splinterwood

is the funnest place to spend summer!

And no one has more fun here
than the four of us!

-Stella suplex!
-Aah!

As I was saying...

So who's ready to make
the greatest promo video ever?

-Oh yeah!
-All right!

Okay, b*mb.

You cannonball into the water,
come up for air,

and give a thumbs-up. Cool?

Uh, I don't know about this.

I get nervous when I'm on camera.

b*mb, I believe in you.

Just dive down the slide
as soon as I say "Action!"

[b*mb explodes]

[b*mb] Sorry, Red!

Okay, take a sec to cool down.
I'll film Chuck instead.

Chuck, you're up!

We can do your interview now.

Finally a chance for the world
to see my acting chops.

But remember, you're not acting.

Just be yourself and talk about
why you love Camp Splinterwood.

You got it.
[breathes deeply]

[clears throat]

[humming and vocalizing]

The tip of the tongue,
the teeth, the beak.

Oh boy.

We are rolling. And action!

[inhales deeply]

[speaking gibberish]

Chuck. Chuck? Chuck!

Cut!

Hey, I think that went great!

And all in one take, huh?

Moving on!

Yeah, let's do that.

b*mb, are you ready yet...

[b*mb explodes]

-You ready for this?
-[Stella grunts]

I've done it a million times.

I whack the tether bird,
and then I do a cool pose.

I can do this in my sleep.

It'll look so cool on camera.

And the tether bird flies in...

And action!

No, wait!

What just happened?

You jumped early.

Okay. Take two.

Ready, action!

No, stop!

Cut!

[Stella grunting]

Too soon again! Take !

Faster and more intense! Take !

Unh! Ooh!

Oh, come on!

How hard could it be?

It's just us having fun at camp.

This doesn't feel fun.

That's a five, cheeple. I'm sure
there's something here we can use.

[b*mb yells]

We can't use any of this!
This is terrible! This is...

Aah!

Uh, well, I don't think it's that bad.

No, he's right. It is... aah!

You and your friends
are absolutely rubbish.

Replace them immediately. If not sooner.

Red would never, ever, ever do that.

I'm sorry, guys. Lynette's right,
and this is too important.

Wow. So this is how it feels
to have your hopes and dreams crushed.

b*mb, hold me.

[Chuck sobbing]

I guess if this is what it takes
to save camp, then, okay.

Off you go, please don't cry
on the equipment on the way out.

[door opens and closes]

-Unh!
-Now, look here, Mr. "Director."

You'd better fix this, or this camp
and everything you love is going bye-bye,

and I shall be very, very annoyed!

[gulps]

You better find someone with star quality
in the next five minutes, or else!

-Got it?
-Got it.

The real question is, what's not to enjoy
about this place when... Hello? I'm here!

Just picture me in all my glory,

soaring like an arrow towards the target,

hearing the adulation
and cheers of my fellow campers,

and you, my fans.

[weeping]

No shame in admitting
the role went to the better bird. Genius!

I wouldn't trade the feeling
of superiority that I get every day here,

among nature's verdant pines,
at beautiful Camp Splinterwood.

And cut!

[campers cheering and hooting]

Aw. This isn't as fun
as actually being in the video.

[laughing] Bravo! Bravissimo!

Thank you.
Thank you.

Oh, please, stop. Stop!
You're embarrassing me.

This is what you fired us for?

It had to be done, Stella.
Trust in the vision.

Are you okay?

Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?
Do I not seem okay? I'm okay. Okay?

Well, that was perfect.
I'll be in my trailer.

Darcy, be a good little agent
and hold my calls.

Ha ha!

Uh, yeah, love the confidence,
but we're not done yet.

It needs more oomph!
More pizzazz! More je ne "say what?!"

This needs more action!

We're going to slingshot you
across the lake!

Uh, my contract clearly states

any scenes that might mess up my hair
will require a stunt double.

[grunts]

-You'll do what I tell you.
-Eep!

Or I'll find myself another star.

We're trying to save the camp here!

Nobody compromises my vision!

-What's up with your eye?
-[Grr!

Okay, okay! You're the boss.

Knew you'd see it my way. Moving on!

Uh, what just happened?

Red put Neiderflyer in his place,
and it was awesome!

Yeah, it worked,
but Red is acting a little...

extra.

Don't you think?

[b*mb and Chuck chuckle]

[Red] Action!

Aah!

[Red] Cut!

Okay, that was... great.

Let's try it again
with a little less screaming

and a little more saying the actual lines.

Action!

[Neiderflyer screaming]

[Red] Cut!

[shivering]

You know, this isn't really working.

Let's mix it up a bit.

I think we should have you
on a couch sipping bug juice,

just kind of relaxing.

Yes. Now, that sounds more like it.

And then we smash you into the ground!

No!

I'm not doing it!

I'm not going to be cold and wet
for the rest of the summer!

I can't work under these conditions!

Grr!

Terence, put him in the catapult!

[Terence growls]

-[all gasp]
-[Neiderflyer screams]

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I feel kind of sorry for Neiderjerk.

Yeah. Red's vision has made him kind of...

scary.

Hmm. Usually my visions
just make me sleepy.

-[Chuck snoring]
-[Neiderflyer] Help!

I'll talk to him.

Red, you got a sec?

Un-uh!

Kinda busy, Stell.
Have your cheeple call my cheeple.

We can do lunch,
or brunch, or, um, drunch.

Drunch?

You're acting really weird,
and not in a fun way.

This better be amazing, Red!

Because we're running out of time.

I already rented out your cabin
to a pig yoga class.

[squeals]

-I've come to see how it's going.
-Horribly! Rod has been so mean to me!

Me! The star!

What's going wrong
is that people need to trust in my vision!

This is what we need more of!

[Neiderflyer yelps and moans]

This? This crass,
uncouth, vulgar material is...

exactly what we need!

Kids love this stuff!

You're kidding!
Don't you think Red's going overboard?

Whoa! Wait.

I'm not the problem.
I'm trying to save the camp!

I know this is important to you, Red,
but we're just worried about you.

What would help me

is for people who don't support my vision
to get off my set!

You heard the director.
Off the set, all three of you.

The rest of you do exactly
what Red says, or else!

-[Terence growls]
-[all whimper]

Now that we've stomped out
that little insurrection, what's next?

Actually, I was thinking

the angle on the lake would look amazing
if we get rid of the big slide.

Well, I have been saving these
for a special occasion.

Now, that's what we in the biz
like to call production value!

What?! You can't blow up the big slide.
Don't you see you're taking this too far?

All I see are dollar signs
from all the new sign-ups.

Now off our set!

-Red, don't listen to her! Unh!
-[Terence growls]

[all yelling]

And action!

[expl*si*n]

Yes!

Burn! Burn for my masterpiece!

Ohh. I've never seen this side of you.

I must say, I don't hate it.

-Unh!
-How did this happen?!

This morning,
we were all gonna be movie stars,

now Red is evil, and I'm stuck
in a tree with a leaf tickling my butt.

I haven't been this disappointed in Red

since he said
his favorite ice cream was pistachio.

Guys, focus!

I know Red. This is just the beginning.
That little twitch in his eye?

He's definitely about to do
something he'll regret.

We have to save Red from himself!

First, we have to save the camp.

Right after we get out of this tree.

Oh, really? I kind of like it up here.

[Chuck giggles and sighs]

[Red] This is it! The final sh*t.

This is what'll guarantee
this camp's place in history.

This is our legacy!

So, let's go over it again.

Synchronized slingshotters go here.
Flying over a display.

[whooshing]

[laughs] Then we crisscross that
with an archery display!

[imitating arrows f*ring]

Cue the silly-string sh**t
and glitter g*ns!

-Boom! Pow! Paw!
-[Harold grunts]

I'll handle the filming
from my director's chair.

Now, for the most fun part...

-The boom-booms!
-The boom-booms!

Which I've had Harold
place all over the camp.

[whistling]

Then, when you say "action..."

[both imitating explosions]

Not to be a party pooper,

but am I the only one who's thinking
maybe this all might be a bit, uh...

I don't know, much?

[both snickering]

[both laughing maniacally]

Camp Splinterwood
cannot handle any more explosions.

No offense, b*mb.

None taken. Red is giving
blowing stuff up a bad name.

We gotta stop that sh*t from happening.

I'll deal with him.
You guys deal with the boom-booms.

Just once, I'd like to be the one

who doesn't have to deal
with the boom-booms.

Before we destroy the entire camp,

I would like to say, Red,
I completely misjudged you.

Your ruthlessness is inspiring, truly.

Thanks, Lynette.
This has been super weird for me too.

Okay, Darcy. As soon as I say "action,"
light the fireworks!

Ho ho!

[grunts] Oh no, you don't.

-[Terence groans]
-[Stella grunting]

Sorry, Red, this is for your own good.

And ac... Huh?!

Stop that bird! Unh!

-[Darcy chuckles]
-Huh?

[growls]

Oh, hey, Terence. What's up?

Sure, you can borrow a cup of sugar.

[both yelping]

How'll we get all the fireworks?
They're all over camp!

Well, there's only one bird
who can pull this off.

[insects chirping]

Me. I meant me.

-[zipper opens]
-Ahh!

[liquid trickling]

Don't do it, Red! This makes zero sense!

How is destroying the camp
going to save the camp?

Don't listen to that nitwit.
Your vision is greater than all of us.

Okay.

I collected all the fireworks,

so instead of lots of little explosions,
it'll become one mega expl*si*n!

And you brought it all here?

[both screaming]

Okay! Cue the synchronized slingshotters!

Red, don't do this!

[campers giggle and grunt]

Cue the glitter and silly string!

You're destroying everything you love!

And action!

Ho ho!

Oh no! Red must have said "action"!

We have to get rid of this before it blows
the entire camp to smithereens!

[both huffing and puffing]

It's beautiful! I'm a genius!

[laughing maniacally]

Oh, Red. What did you do?

Ahh! Look out!

Chuck, I know what we gotta do,

get the fireworks away from camp
and blow them up!

But if it explodes before you explode it,
it'll explode us!

Don't worry. If there's anyone in camp
that knows explosions, it's me.

My vision!

Yes! Camp Splinterwood will be saved!

Also money, money, money!

Aim as high as you can.

[both yelp]

[both laughing]

Oh no! We're headed towards Red!

[laughing]
Huh?

Red, look out!

[Red and Stella yelling]

Bring back my director! Unh!

[all screaming]

What have I done?

I am so sorry, guys.

We were just supposed to have fun,
and I...

I kind of lost it, didn't I?

No, Red. You didn't lose it.

You lost it!

I got so obsessed with saving camp
I almost destroyed it.

We know how much you love this place, Red.
We love it too.

I totally blew it.

Uh, speaking of blowing it,

super happy we're baring our souls
and making up,

but you got to go!
I can take it from here.

[all yelling]

Did b*mb make it?

Yep!

[Chuck and Stella laugh]

Red, are you okay?

Yeah. And, guys,
I just want to say I'm sorry.

This camp means more to me than anything,
even during the worst times.

Like right now.

We make memories
that I'll cherish for the rest of my life.

[all laughing]

[Chuck giggling]

Best friends coming through.

[campers shouting]

[all yelping]

[all cheering]

[all yelling]

[all screaming]

Pillow fight!

[all laugh and sigh]

I've never had more fun
than I have every summer right here

with my friends.

None of that'd be possible

without this beautiful,
totally bonkers summer camp.

[Lynette] Sign up today.

Hmph! They cut my scene
for that saccharine, overacted garbage?

-All right!
-Wow! You did it, Red!

[Lynette sobbing]

Good golly-kins.
Red's video even got you.

I'm not crying about that. Look.

[ringing]

It's been ringing off the hook!

Everybody's signing up!

We're going to make so much money!

[sobbing and laughing]

Oh, I'm so happy!

[theme music plays]