03x06 - The Jungle Games

[bunniefuu]

-[Mort chuckles]
-[growls]

-[Mort] I'm okay!
-[laughs]

[theme song playing]

♪ Party ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien!

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Woof! ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

[operatic music playing]

Ha, ha.

[Xixi] Welcome to the 64th

Every-So-Often Jungle Games!

I'll be your host, Xixi,
along with my partner-in-crime, Horst.

Happy to be here, Xixi.
It's gonna be a great...

[slurping]

-[loud feedback]
-[all groaning]

...show.

[laughs] That's right, Horst.

[Xixi] Looks like King Julien's ready
to kick things off.

Let's take a look.

Welcome, kingdoms of Madagascar.

It's time to get
this very sporty party started

with the ceremonial Running of the Mango.

[crowd cheering]

Woo-woo! Mm...

[growling]

[crowd gasping]

Cut to the procession!
Cut to the procession!

[Xixi] Competing in this year's Games
are the Foosa--

Fun fact.

My ex, Mary Ann, is a Foosa.

[chuckles] Good to know, Horst.

And here come the Crocodiles,

the Rats and Uncle King Julien.

-Wait, say what?
-[crowd booing]

This just in, folks.

Uncle King Julien's
recently established sovereign nation,

Feartopia, will be competing
in the Jungle Games.

One can only imagine

what's going through King Julien's head
at a time like this.

Probably a "What the!",

"Oh, no, you didn't."

or, could be just a simple "Snap!"

Hard to say.

What the, oh, no, you didn't, snap!

You can't be in the Games!

I beg to differ. It's perfectly legal.

See for yourself.

[Maurice groaning]

I'm sorry but Uncle King Julien's right.

According to the bylaws,
any sovereign nation is permitted

to participate in the Games.

Eh, let me see that book.

Okay. [muttering]

Aha! Right here.

Article two, Section, uh, three. Mm-hmm.

You can't be in the Games if you're

-the "worst person in the world!"
-[exclaims]

-It doesn't say that.
-Whoa.

Oh, you see, I already closed the book,
otherwise I would totally show you

the very real thing that I just said
that's totally real.

You know, I might be
the worst person in the world,

but you are the worst liar in the world.

Why, thank you.

Oh, hey! What! Fine!

Be in the Games, but,
I... I don't have to like it.

Speaking of things I don't like,

you two.

My uncle is a mean old guy
who lacks feelings and foot hygiene.

-How could you be on his team?
-[Sage] Hm...

Actually, I'm not surprised
you are on his team.

Nephew, nephew, nephew.

You can't blame Crimson and Sage
for wanting to be on the winning team.

Pfft. Well, then, they should
have been on my team

because there's no way
my kingdom won't win.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!

Well, if you're so confident,
how about making a little wager?

Oh, I've got a better idea.
How about we make a bet? Mm-hmm.

Try this on for size.

If Feartopia wins, I get your kingdom.

-Uh, King Juli--
-[Julien] Done.

And if, [coughs] when [coughs]
my kingdom wins the Games,

you will go away and never come back

or ever bother me ever again.

And also you'll clip your toenails, dude.

[exclaims in disgust]
Seriously, it's gross.

Done. [spits]

[spits]

[Uncle Julien] uh, let's go team.

Let young Julien here
enjoy his last moments as king. [laughs]

-Later, Sis.
-[growls]

Don't sis me, s... sis.

King Julien, you just wagered
the kingdom in a bet.

I know. [laughs]

My uncle's such a sucker.

His old man brain has clearly forgotten
that I've got Hans on my team.

Oh, yeah. Wait. Who's Hans?

Only the greatest athlete ever.

Why haven't I met him?

Oh, he doesn't get out much.
Always in the gym training.

You know, that's what makes him so good.

True. Hans is pretty good,
but... [stammers]

Pretty good? He's the best.

Seriously, Hans, for us to lose,
would have to be, like, uh, dead.

[shouting] Hans is dead!

But he can't be dead!

No, he's definitely dead.

Crushed by his own trophies.

Oh, the irony.

But we need Hans.
The kingdom is on the line.

-You could take Hans' place.
-No, Maurice.

That's out of the question.

Why did Hans have to pick today to die?

Actually, from the look of the decay,
I think he's been dead for a while.

Probably years. Oh, the irony!

What are we going to do?!

[screaming] Ahh!

-Uh...
-[crashes]

Wait, that's it.

Dr. S, Dr. S!

I need you to bring Hans back to life

-to compete in the Games.
-[hissing]

-One step ahead of you, King Julien.
-[both] Hmm?

Uh, King Julien,
are you sure this is ethical?

Question of ethics is irrelevant.

I practice medicine
[shouting] out of a cave!

[thunderclaps]

[machine beeping]

[exclaiming in excitement]

[electricity crackling]

-[both giggling]
-Eh?

[sizzling]

[both] Hmm?

-[moaning loudly]
-[shouts]

[continues moaning]

It's alive.

It's alive!

Out of a...

[thunderclaps]

...cave! [laughs]

[crowd chattering]

-Welcome back to the Jungle Games.
-[humming]

The first event, spear tossing,
is about to begin.

[crowd cheering]

[grunting and straining]

-[crowd murmurs]
-Huh?

Did you see that, Horst?

Just bit that spear right in half.

Mary Ann bit me in half once.

Ugh. Those were...

-[slurping]
-[feedback from mic]

-[thud]
-...happy days.

Look! There's Clumsy Pete,
in for the Rats.

[grunting with effort]

[Clumsy Pete] I throwed it!

-[thump]
-[Clumsy Pete groans]

Ooh. Bet King Joey is wishing
he put Efficient Charlie in instead.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

-[grunting]
-[crowd cheering]

[straining and panting]

[sobbing]

[continues sobbing]

[Hans moaning]

Hm-hmm.

[Xixi] Oh. Impressive throw from Sage.

-[chuckling]
-Reminds me of the time Mary Ann and I--

You said it, Horst.

But Uncle King Julien
shouldn't count his toucans just yet

because here comes
reigning champion, Hans.

[Xixi] If I didn't know any better,

I'd say Hans is looking
a little under the weather.

Well, maybe he had his heart broken
by a carnivorous she-devil.

You're a kidder.

[shouting incomprehensibly]

[both exclaiming]

[crowd gasping and screaming]

[shouting incomprehensibly]

-Did his arm just fly off?
-That it did, Horst.

But according to the rules,
the thrower must fully release the spear

or the throw is disqualified
and since, technically...

[whistles]

...Hans did not release the spear,
Sage is the winner of the event.

-[Julien whimpering]
-Oh, looks like

your kingdom is going to be mine.

What d'ya say, Nephew?

[Hans groaning loudly]

[Julien growling]

I can't think with all this groaning.

[Hans banging and groaning]

Hans. I can't understand
what you're saying, dude.

[crashes]

Maurice, get Hans out of here.

He's clearly in no shape
to be in the Games.

-Whose idea was it anyway to put him in?
-[Hans groaning]

[sighs]

[shouting gibberish]

King Julien. I found Hans' arm for you.

What am I supposed to do with that?

No, Mort, if you want to help,
then please get Hans out of here

so I can think.

But, King Julien--

Now, Mort!

Let's go, Fester.

Eh.

Hans is out.

We need a new champion, stat!

I'll round up the usual suspects.

Hm. This is the best we got?

Yep.

Uh-uh.

Here's an idea.

Why don't you participate in the Games?

-No, can't.
-Why not?

-[screams]
-[Leonard screaming]

[Julien] No, Leonard, it's too high.

Uh... Your Majesty?

For a very good reason
that I don't want to talk about now.

I've made my decision.

Clover, you will represent
the kingdom in the Games.

[shrieks] I mean, ahem,
thank you, Sir. I won't let you down.

I, uh, I better go and practice.
[laughs gleefully]

[laughs sarcastically]

There's no need for practice
because we're going to cheat.

[gasps] Cheat?

What, I... No.

I'm gonna play by the rules,
and win fair and square.

Yeesh. Ted, you're in.

Oh, I'll cheat for you, King Julien.

Like an Old West cardsharp
with an ace in his pocket

and two pistols on his hip.

Pew! Pew!

[blows] I'll just put these away.

Oh. I should be with my King Julien
in his time of need,

instead of babysitting Hans.

[groaning loudly]

Would you like one of my flowers?

Whoa! [screaming]

[Hans shouting gibberish]

[giggling] Again!

Whee!

Again! Again!

Whee!

[laughing and shouting]

[laughing]

[shouting unintelligibly]

Huh?

♪ La, la, la, la, la... ♪

[talking gibberish]

[continues singing]

Oh, Hans. [giggling]

[Xixi] Welcome back to Day Two
of the Jungle Games.

The champions are lining up
for the Speed-walking event.

[whistles]

And they're off!

[voice shouting] Help!

-[voice continues] Help!
-[panting]

Help!

Oh, no. An animal, or possibly a plant,
is calling for my help.

Help!

I am just an animal or possibly a plant
that needs assistance.

[squawking like a bird]

[bird screeching]

Wait a minute! What is that oaf doing?

[bird screeching]

Snap!

[Ted] Oh, my.

I won.

I... [groans] Mother...

[cheering]

[Xixi] And with a clean win of that event,

Team Julien takes the lead.

[Uncle Julien growling]

[mockingly] Uh-hm.

All right, Nephew.

You want to play dirty, we'll play dirty.

-You're in.
-With pleasure.

This is a relatively new event called

-Competitive Packing.
-[horn toots]

-[all straining]
-You can do this, Teddy.

[Xixi] Everyone appears to be struggling.

Real struggling is having to pry yourself

out of your wife's jaws
on your wedding night.

Okay, solids on the bottom.
Roll, don't fold.

Wait.

Oh, wow, looks like Ted is doing great.

Make sure the underwear can breathe.

[Xixi] He's a shoe-in for victory.

[exclaims in frustration]

Mm-hmm.

This is just so second nature to me.

[scorpion screeching]

[exclaiming and screaming in pain]

Ha, ha, ha!

-[straining]
-[whistle blows]

I do'd it.

-Huh?
-Ha, ha!

Next event,
Competitive Water Skiing and Shark Jump.

Hey, babe, I got this one.
Heck, I invented it.

[Xixi] That's right, ladies and gentlemen.

They are literally "jumping the shark."

[snickers]

[laughs evilly]

[Ted] Oh, sweet gherkins!

[growling]

[all gasping]

-[horn tooting]
-[laughing]

Oh, Clo-Clo, your precious king
is going to lose his kingdom

and you're going to be out of a job.

-Aha! Yeah...
-[growling]

Oh, hey, Clover.

[grunting in pain]

[shouting and sobbing in pain]

You look great, buddy,

-let's get back out there.
-[sobbing]

Put me in, coach.
I'll lie, I'll cheat, I'll steal.

Just put me in.

He, he!

[humming]

[groans loudly]

Nice weather we've been having.

Wouldn't you agree, Hans?

-[Hans groaning]
-[laughs]

Oh, Hans.

-You're a real mensch.
-[knocking at door]

Who could that be?

I am looking for Hans.

Why?

I plan to take Hans' hands

and do the first hand transplant

[shouting] out of a cave!

[thunderclaps]

[gasps] You're going to take his hands?

I might take his feet, too.

And I've got a few friends
who need some other parts.

So, do you know where I might find him?

Uh, no. Haven't seen him.

-[Dr. S] I'm still here.
-I told you, I don't know where he is.

That mean snake doctor is after you, Hans.

You have to hide.

Hm... No, that's not gonna work.

[Hans groaning]

Scrunch, Hans, scrunch.

Meet me halfway, Hans.

Ugh!

[Hans groaning]

Eh...

[sighing in relief]

Hello, Mort!

Any sign of Hans?

No.

[lemur shouting in terror] Toilet Zombie!

There he is.

[shouting in panic]

[crowd cheering]

[both grunting]

Miss it, Clo-Clo. Miss it.

Miss it!

-Hey! You did that on purpose.
-[whistle blows]

It's all about concentration,

-sister girl.
-[growling]

-[Clover grunting]
-[Crimson gasps]

-[growls]
-[whistle blows]

A fight's broken out on the field.

And is that Hans?

Ow!

[shouting in panic]

[gasps]

[Dr. S] Stop.

Stop that hand donor!

The judges have ruled.

-Mary Ann!
-Both Crimson and Clover

are being disqualified from the Games.

That means Clumsy Pete
wins this event by default.

Which button is it again?

[Clumsy Pete shouting in pain]

[Mort panting] I think we lost him.

[Hans groaning]

You have to go, Hans.

Far away so he can't find you
and take your hands or your feet

or any of your other parts.

[groaning loudly]

Oh, go!

Don't ya understand,
I'm not your friend anymore.

You're just a big, undead, dead guy.

[exclaims]

You mean nothing to me.

Nothing!

[groaning loudly]

I'm sorry, friend.

[Hans shouting] Oh!

[sobbing]

[male voice snickering]

What were you thinking, Clover?

I'm so sorry, Your Majesty.

How could you get kicked out of the Games?

Who's going to compete in the final event?

[male voice snickering]

I mean, okay.

Whoever's doing the evil laugh thing,
stop it right now.

Hi. I was just reacquainting
my butt with your throne.

You know, since I'll be sitting
in it real soon.

Do whatever you want
with your butt, Uncle,

just don't do it here
because my throne will never be yours.

Never!

Oh, come on,
it's time to face facts, Nephew.

You've got to get a perfect score
in the final event just to tie my score.

-Really?
-Uh-huh.

This scoring system makes no sense!

Your throne is as good as mine.

Isn't that wonderful? Toodles.

[laughing]

You'll have to compete
in the final event now, King Julien.

It's Rhythmic Trampoline.
That's your event.

There's no way you can lose.
Come on, let's go.

[trembling]

[Leonard screaming]

[male lemur]
King Julien k*lled him, m*rder*r!

[spits]

Oh, hey. He, he.

Hi.

Oh, the excitement is palpable.
Can you feel it, Horst?

-[grunting]
-Horst?

-Hor--
-[stammering]

And I spilled it!

Due to Clumsy Pete's injury,
King Joey is in for the Rats.

He'll go first.

[sniffs]

-What?
-Huh?

[laughing]

[Xixi] Looked like he was really
having fun out there.

[snickering]

[crowd cheering]

[grunting]

Ha! Hey! Huh! Hyuh!

Ooh! Clearly someone's been practicing.

Huh, hyeh!

[all cheering]

[burps]

b*at that, Nephew.

No, I can't do it, Maurice.

You've performed trampoline routines
a thousand times. What's wrong?

There's something
I've never told you, Maurice.

Something from my past.

Before we met.

As a young prince, I used to compete
in pair tramping tournaments.

I had a partner named Leonard.

We were good.

No, we were better than good.
We were the best.

'Til the accident.

It was nationals. The final event.

I went for our signature flip,
but I landed too hard and...

[Leonard screaming]

[Julien] And Leonard was gone.

It was that day I vowed
never to tramp competitively again.

I didn't want anyone else to get hurt.

Like Leonard. May he rest in peace.

Leonard didn't die.

Oh, Maurice-- Wait, he didn't die?

No, he just retired.

He's actually in the stands
watching you right now.

Hi, King Julien.

Hey, Leonard.

Hey! Why didn't anyone tell me?

I've been carrying all this guilt
around with me for years.

You never seemed that guilty.

Because I'm like an onion, Maurice.

There's a lotta layers up in here.

[sighs]

It's time, King Julien.

Time to put the past
and your fear of hurting people

with your mad tramping skills behind you
and win this for your kingdom.

Okay, let's do this.

For Leonard.

-Hi, Leonard.
-[Leonard] Hi!

[classical music playing]

[crowd cheering]

[sobbing]

Way to go, King Julien.

Thanks, Leonard.

Now, that I know you're alive,
let's get lunch.

-You know, catch up and stuff.
-You got it, partner.

The judges have made their decision.

King Julien nailed it.

He got a perfect score
in the Rhythmic Trampoline event.

-I'll take that.
-[Xixi] He wins it!

-[both straining]
-Gimme that, you used juice box.

Bringing us to the final scores, they are,

Team King Julien with ten,

Team Feartopia with ten,

and The Rat Kingdom with...

-[gasps] 132!
-[crowd cheering]

The winner of the 64th
Every-So-Often Jungle Games are,

The Rats.

Say what!

I just heard our names.

[cheering and laughing]

Isn't this exciting, Horst?

[crying loudly] Mary Ann! Come back to me!

-Mary Ann!
-I have had it!

You need to move on, Horst!

King Julien, do you know what this means?

I lost?

This is what losing feels like?
I don't like it.

And your kingdom, your kingdom,
your kingdom is mine!

Let me say it one more time!

-Ah! [crashes]
-Not so fast!

[Maurice] Team Julien and Team Feartopia
are tied for second place.

Neither one b*at the other,

so that means King Julien
keeps his kingdom.

Uh, hm.

Hey, Uncle.

[shouts] In your face! [laughing]

King Joey, you just won the Jungle Games.

-We won?
-What are you going to do next?

We're gonna build a maze!

Hm?

You know, Maurice, the Games
made me realize something important.

That wagering the kingdom in a bet
isn't a good idea?

No, don't be silly.

[inhales deeply] Yup, I faced my fear
of competitive tramping in the face.

True, but--

But nothing, and even though I lost,

I still kept my kingdom.
That's how good I am.

Even when I lose, I win.

[laughs]

[sighing] I don't know
why I even got outta bed this morning.

[continues laughing]

Yes!

[sighs]

-[Hans moaning]
-[gasps]

Oh!

[Hans groaning loudly]

[giggling]

Hm?

[classical music playing]