03x10 - Get Off My Lawn

[bunniefuu]

-[Mort chuckles]
-[growls]

-[Mort] I'm okay!
-[laughs]

[theme song playing]

♪ Party ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Woof! ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

[Julien screaming]

[Julien screaming and crying]

[Clover] On it!

[grunting]

-[Clover growling]
-[Maurice shouting]

Clover! Release!

Heel!

Plotz!

Schtop! Schlecte hund! Schlecte hund!

Oh... Uh...

[laughs nervously] Maurice.
You know... Uh...

Ahem. I seem to have
misjudged the situation.

Little bit.

I thought you were in danger,
Your Majesty.

I am in danger!

Of dying of sadness

because my prized possession
has been stolen.

Your crown is on your head.

I'm not talking about my crown.

I'm talking about my beloved jumping bean.

[Julien] It's a bean... and it jumps.

[laughing]

Oh, My King Julien, is everything okay?

-No! My kingdom is no longer safe.
-[Mort groaning]

-We are dealing...
-[Mort] Ow!

...with a dangerous criminal element here.

It could strike anywhere. At any time.

If there is indeed a criminal element,

I will find it and I will crush it.

Huh! Ha!

Until we figure out exactly what happened,

[whispering] we need to keep this
on the down-low.

No need to cause a panic.

[knocking on door]

You guys looking

-for a little home security?
-[Mort] Ow!

How long have you been out there
listening to us?

Hey, I don't have to answer that

without my lawyer present.

I mean, uh, I might know somebody
who can help.

Ooh.

Uh, where did you find this guy?

This guy? Oh...

[stammering] Yeah, uh. We met
in summer camp. For grownups.

It lasted, like, three-to-five years,

I think... Eh, moving on. [knocks on door]

-[all three] Hm?
-Fellas, meet--

[all] Hey!

Andy Fairfax. [laughing]

You're not a cop, right?

Nah, man.

Eh, you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure, Your Majesty.

Pancho tells me you're looking
for a little home protection.

[snickering]

[both] Oh...

Ooh...

[all squealing]

-[both scream in fright] Ah!
-Oh, yummy!

You can't eat those, Mort.

Oh, okay. What about just a little one?

-No!
-That one?

-No!
-I'm pretty hungry. [shouting]

No! You know your mouth isn't rigged
to open that wide!

Are we sure
we can trust this Andy Fairfax guy?

If I can't put my faith in a strange bat

operating a business
out of a shady motel room,

probably under a fake name,
who can I trust?

Please continue.

-Check this bad boy out.
-Uh-huh.

[Andy Fairfax] The hottest new trend
in home personal defense.

Oh! Heavier than I expected.

I can't wait to use this
on the criminal element.

That reminds me,
how do I use this on the criminal element?

You can poke with 'em.

-Thrown 'em in somebody's face.
-Ha, ha!

Drop 'em down somebody's pants. [laughs]

They're a real versatile little item,
I tells ya.

[makes sh**ting noises]

-Hey!
-Whoa! Whoa!

Mort! Think fast!

[laughing loudly]
Look at his face! That is hard-core, man!

Well, you've certainly given us
a lot to think about, Andy.

We'll go sleep on it and--

I'll take all of those you got!

You went where
without my knowledge?!

It was for the good of the kingdom.

Just think about how much easier
your job is going to be

with one of these little beauties. Ow!

[Julien] Bad scorpion!

Ah!

Eh. You get the idea.

Pretty soon every lemur in the kingdom

-will be able to protect themselves.
-[squealing]

This is wrong, Your Majesty.

Anyone with half a brain
can see that a kingdom

of armed, paranoid lemurs is a dumb idea.

Or is it? Eh? Eh?

-[Hector] Oh, my nuts!
-Huh?

Stop that thief!

Huh? [growls]

Not to worry. I got this. Ow! Ow!

Okay, now I got this.

[shouts in pain]

[all] Huh?

I can't believe that actually worked!

I can.

Wha... I...

[shouting in pain]

Nobody grabs my people's stuff
while I'm protecting this town.

Lemur citizens!

From now on,
there's a new sheriff in town.

And his name is "All of Us."

We don't have to live in constant fear.

We can protect ourselves.

But I'm still here to protect--

Let's not forget... He, he.

Clover's a well-trained professional now.

Who needs training
when we have these dangerous bugs?

Could you move a little?

You're blocking my view of the real hero.

You hate King Julien.

Not anymore.

Hurt somebody else, King Julien. Do it!

Where are you going?

King Julien's right.

If everyone is able to defend themselves,

what use do they have for me?

Hey, they still need you,

whether they realize it or not.

[Julien] Think fast!

[male lemur shouting] Ow! Ow! Ow!

It sure feels like I've been replaced.

Say, how many scorpions

is too many to eat in one sitting?

[grunting]

[retches]

-Where do ya think you're going?
-[scorpion squealing]

Asking for a friend.

[crashing]

[Clover grunting]

[sarcastically] Oh, oh. So now,
now nobody needs me?

Right? Because of what?

Some dumb bugs?

[imitating Julien] "I've got a scorpion
and I don't need Clover!

Booty, booty, booty! My bwains!"

Ridiculous! Eee-yah!

Om-- Ow!

[groaning]

I'm achieving inner freakin' peace,
you jerks!

Oh. You've done it now.

You mess with the sacred cow,
you get the horns.

Ooh. Good title for a memoir.
I should write that down.

Ugh! Why don't I ever carry a pen?

[shouting] This is happening! Argh!

Fred?

Hey! Fred!

[growling] You!

[grunting in pain]

Ugh. If I can just...

swing over, and free myself.

[groaning] Almost... Yeah, I'm stuck.

I thought you'd worked
through your anger issues.

Yeah. Some days are better than others.

Ah, ow!

[groaning] My thorax.

Sorry about, y'know, trying to...

-What... I...
-[chuckles]

I guess I'm not quite as calm
as I thought.

[sighs in relief] Hopefully you've gotten
that rage out of your system.

Huh? Oh, yeah, I, I totally...

Wait, nope, I'm still mad.

[shouting in anger]

[all clamoring]

[shouting angrily]

[shouting] Happening!

Happening!

[panting]

Okay, I'm good.

What seems to be troubling you?

It's... stupid.

Ah, nothing.

Come on, this is a judgment-free zone.

-[mosquitoes buzzing]
-Sadly, it's not a mosquito-free zone,

'cause of all the standing water.

You ever feel like nobody needs you

or even cares if you're around?

If you need a place to chill out

and get away from everybody,

I think I've finally gotten a handle

on my night terrors.

Oh, yeah? I suppose
it couldn't hurt to relax a bit.

You know, just try to find some calm.

What do you make
of all these scorpions, Mort?

Hm. The last one I ate needed salt.

No, I mean, are they a good idea?

Hey, fellas! How are ya?

Yeah, I'm talking to you!
Ain't this great?

Now when I yell at somebody
to get off my lawn,

they actually get off my lawn.

Wow, Hector, that's--

[shouts] Get off my lawn!

Folks really seem
to be liking these scorpions.

[all murmuring]

What's going on here?

It's the line for the hospital, baby.

Everybody's getting all stung up
by those scorpions, man.

And what's that line?

The line to get more scorpions.

Protect yourself! Don't be a victim!

Get 'em while they're still sorta legal!

I am not afraid anymore. [giggling]

[Willie shouting and whimpering in pain]

Isn't somebody gonna help that poor lemur?

Citizen's arrest!

[Willie] Ow! That's worse!

Stranger danger!

[Willie] You're just making it worse!

That's really bad! [screaming in pain]

[whimpering and groaning]

[stammering nervously]

Sorry, Horst. I was here first.

Actually, that's my mango
you're manhandling, Willie!

I'm feeling a little threatened.

Don't make me do something
I don't wanna do.

Oh, you wanna get loco, Willie?

Let's get loco!

You both better stand down

or you're entering a world of hurtin'.

[Western music playing]

[sniffs]

[gasps] Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What's going on here?

These perps are trying to steal my mango.

I'm gonna neutralize them.

Since when do you say words like

"perp" and "neutralize," Willie?

Since I became responsible
for protecting what's mine.

That's Clover's job.

Clover ain't here, Chico.

We're the law now.

There's gotta be a better way
to settle a dispute.

-Yeah, like knives maybe?
-[sighs]

Everybody just calmly
lower your scorpions.

Nice and slow.

[whimpering]

[slurps]

[slurps]

Oh...

Surprise att*ck!

[both shouting in pain]

[laughing mockingly]

[shouting in pain]

[all three shouting in pain]

These scorpions are outta control!

[all clamoring]

We gotta stop this, Mort.

Mort?

What?

Do I have something in my teeth?

[Clover grunting]

[growling]

Almost. You just need to chill
a little harder.

Really slow down and feel your chi.

Hi-yah!

And then some happy trees, happy clouds,

a slightly depressed hillside,

a lake that needs to forgive itself.

See? Isn't this therapeutic?

-[exclaims in horror]
-See, this here is Norge Grendelfist.

Hello, hello, Norge.

And here is his loyal squire,
Vestigial Kruntz.

And what about all the...

Slain enemies?

They were stupid enough
to challenge Norge Grendelfist.

That's also where
the rivers of blood came from.

I have a strong feeling
my night terrors will be back.

You know,
maybe let's try a few other hobbies?

We'll find something to chill you out.

[grunting]

Wow.

[panting] I think it's working.

I have this overwhelming sense of calm.

I knew we'd find it.

Great work, by the way.
Looks just like you.

Oh. [chuckles] It's actually my sister.

You must really love her a lot.

Yeah. Sure, I mean, well,
you know, [stammers]

we've had our differences.

She did steal my sort-of boyfriend,

and tried to k*ll me, actually.

Once. Nope, nope.
That happened a lot of times, yeah.

And she's cruel [chuckles]
and she's selfish

[screaming] and she was always
Mum and Dad's favorite! [squeals]

[screams]

Yeah. Family's complicated.

[making sh**ting noises]

Oh! Look up there!

A thing!

Get the villagers to safety.

[Maurice clears throat]

Uh... How long have you guys been...

watching me play with my scorpion?

King Julien, we need to talk
about the scorpion problem.

We don't have a scorpion problem,

we have a scorpion solution.

[exclaims in pain] Ow.

These things are dangerous-- [exclaims]

Bird demon!

Very dangerous.

That's why every lemur in the kingdom

needs a scorpion or five.

What are you doing here?

Andy here is helping me
to get the word out

about how great scorpions are,

and how everybody's gonna get robbed
or mugged

if they don't have one.

Our kingdom doesn't have a crime problem.

Your Majesty, please.

These citizens here with me
have had enough.

-That's true.
-[all chattering]

Oh. They've had enough
of feeling safe and confident?

Gee, that's a strange thing
to want less of.

[all murmuring]

[sighs]

Maurice, I hear what you're saying.

If you want me
to get rid of my scorpion, well,

[shouting] you'll have to pry it
from my cold, dead paws, buddy!

[laughs]

[groans]
The scorpions are making everyone

more aggressive
and accidents are happening.

Huh?

-Ah!
-Intruder!

Darn it, Dorothy! Ow!

I dropped my keys down the commode
at kickboxing class. [exclaims in pain]

[sing-song] Cleanin' my scorp
without a care in the world.

[screaming in pain]

Ah! Ow! Oh!

Hey!

[lemurs murmuring inside]

They found me!

[lemurs] Surprise!

Chew on that, you scum!

[lemurs clamoring inside]

[continues screaming in pain]

Hey!

Wow, really?

Well, if this is true,
maybe we should get rid of--

The silly notion that fewer scorpions
mean less danger. Ha, ha, ha!

Did you know
kingdoms with the least scorpions

are the most dangerous?

Is that true?

I sure said it like it is.

Can we just use our brains here
for a minute?

Stop treadin' on us, Maurice!

[talking incoherently]

He's still kinda swollen
on account of getting stung in the face

160 times, but he agrees!

[all murmuring]

[screaming in pain]

Don't you all love your families

and want to keep 'em safe
from robbers and K*llers?

Even if he doesn't.

That's not fair!

He's just using flattery and fear
to coerce you.

And boy, is it working.

[sighs] It looks
like the people have spoken.

They want their scorpions.

Yeah, they do!

Because we know
scorpions don't sting lemurs.

Lemurs sting lemurs!

That doesn't make any sense.

As long as there's a lemur there
to control them,

these scorpions pose no thr*at.

Could they easily take over the kingdom
because they outnumber us?

Sure.

But they're too dumb
to ever figure that out.

[squealing]

[both squealing]

Uh-oh. I think
the food-bugs are mad at us.

Eh... Is this normal?

[all lemurs shouting]

[all shouting in panic]

You've got to do something, man!

You're right. How 'bout I leave?

Later, suckers! [laughing]

[everyone clamoring]

[exclaiming in fear] I'm in the dark here!

Om...

How long have we been meditating now?

About forty-five seconds.

Yes! New personal best.

[inhales] I've never felt so calm.

What did I tell ya?

I am radiating total peace.

-[screaming in distance]
-I hear birds singing.

I hear screaming...

Wait, screaming?

I think we lost the scorpi--

[both screaming]

I peed!

[all screaming]

[all continue screaming]

[whistles] King Julien! What's wrong?

[sobbing] Clover, you gotta save us!

I was wrong about scorpions
being awesomer than you!

Even though it was your fault
my jumping bean got stolen

in the first place, just sayin'.

Please help us!

We all must remain calm.

I've been working out my issues with Fred,

and I have realized
all conflicts can be resolved

without eating the fruit of anger.

[shouting] I don't wanna remain calm!

The scorpions have chased us
out of the village and taken over.

That's it?

Then we simply explain to them
that when they chase you

out of the village, you don't feel seen.

-[all squealing]
-[dance music playing]

This is gonna be great.

King Julien, I totally got your back.

Don't worry.

I'll connect with them
on a personal level and...

Are those dudes in a hot tub?

Hey, how is everybody?

Yeah, Fred. Yeah, the giant one.

That's me.

Fred, what are you doing?

You're supposed to be helping us.

Yeah, calling an audible on that.

This party's off the hook!
What's your name?

-Jen? With two "N"s?
-[screeches]

One "N"? I love that! I love one "N"!

Jen, is it just me,
or are we totally vibing right now?

Fred. You promised to help!

Yeah, but I'm a scorpion.

It's in our nature to be untrustworthy.

There's, like, fables and stuff about it.

Where are all the single scorpions at?

Clover, do something.

Oh, you want me to do--
Oh, like, you know,

fly into a rage and personally remove

each and every scorpion from the kingdom?

Boom! Yes!

The kingdom needs you! I'm sorry, okay?

I was stupid to ever think
you could be replaced!

Punch something! Please!

v*olence should only be a last resort.

[screaming]

Brothers and sisters,
that is quite enough.

-[Julien shouting in pain]
-Let's just use our words, right?

Clover! Save me!

Or our hisses and clicks
or whatever it is that there...

[gasps]

[screaming] The horror! The horror!

[growling]

-That is quite enough!
-[grunts in pain]

All right, peace is canceled!

Unhand my king! Now!

[grunting]

[laughing manically]

Hi-yah!

[Fred] Hey!

Those are my friends
and potential love interests

you're pulverizing.

I tried to be cool, [shouting]
but this is happening!

-[all three exclaiming]
-[Fred shouting]

Hey, Fred... it's in my nature...

to mash your face in with punches.

Not cool, Clover! Not cool!

Hi-yah!

Whoa!

[nervously] Oh...

[shouting and crashes]

Hey, if you see Jen-with-one-N,

ask her if we're still on
for coffee tomorrow.

[groaning]

[all three straining]

I guess maybe
I should have listened to you.

Don't let it go to your head but,

I'd rather have you around
than a bunch of angry scorpions.

I'll try to not to get too cocky,
Your Majesty.

What's this?

Aha! [laughing]

[giggling]

-[Julien] You guys!
-Ow!

It's my beloved jumping bean! [laughing]

[Clover and Maurice growling]

Oh, right.

I put him in the suitcase
so that I wouldn't lose him.

So it was never stolen,

and we almost lost the kingdom
'cause you forgot where you put it?

[giggling]

[growls]

Om... Yah!

[Mort] Whee, he, he, he!

[exhales] Om...

Hi, kids. Fred the Giant Scorpion here.

Y'know, every week,
I get thousands of emails

asking how I overcame my anger issues

and stopped eating babies.

But folks, I'm gonna level with you.

I'm a work in progress, just like you.

Hm... Uh... [stammering]

Look, do I still have a slight urge
to eat those delicious-looking babies?

Sure.

But I'm not gonna.

Even though that one on the left
looks very tender.

[whimpering]

Mm. Like a little poached quail egg.

-Hold on. Wait. Don't leave yet--
-[all clamoring]

Maybe I could just smell
their little baby heads.

Where are you going?
I just want a bite. A nibble.

[angrily] Give me those babies!

[female lemur screaming] Ah! My baby!