05x02 - Grand Designs

[bunniefuu]

Australia's best days are ahead of us.

We live in the best
country in the world.

No asterisks, no footnotes.

From road to rail... and in the air.

We are in the age of infrastructure.

- The dawn of a new era.
- The great Australian dream.

- To be build a better future.
- Record investments.

We're spending more than any
government has ever spent.

- Money flashed around.
- Splash more cash.

- Cash splash.
- The cash splash.

- It's big money in anyone's language.
- This is a nation-building...

- Nation-building...
- A nation-building...

- Nation-building...
- Nation-building.

- VOICEOVER: Meet Cluey.
- (BARKS)

For years, he's been begging for a

- better way to heat his own kennel.
- (PANTS, WHINES)

But all he seems to do
is chase his own tail.

- Until now.
- Ooh!

With the Million Panel Program,

cheaper power is as
easy as one, two, three.

Forget spending hours
on the dog and bone.

All you need to do is get on the
website, click on apply, and...

- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- ...have it installed.

As part of the Renewable
Infrastructure Program,

the federal government is
handing out one million grants.

Now, going solar is as
easy as one, two, three.

Well, that was doggone easy.

(BARKS)

The new series dropped on the weekend.

I sat on the couch, eight
episodes, straight through.

I am starting it tonight.

Is it still set in the same town?

I don't wanna say.

Morning, Katie. Courtney. Ash.

- Hi.
- Hey. What's up?

Tony, if you need someone to talk to...

I'll be fine, Katie.

Are you okay?

Yes, yes. I'm okay. Thank you.

- I'm here all day.
- Till :.

- I can stay till six.
- Yep. Thank you.

Have you seen The Australian?

Uh, I'm not reading anything.

- "Solar scheme flop."
- Could have been worse.

"Since its much hyped
launch several months ago,

figures reveal barely , Australians

- have signed up for the solar scheme."
- Well, it's true.

Yeah, but why'd they
have to go so hard on you?

- Did they?
- Oh, brutal!

- They even went for Cluey.
- Really?

- Mm-hm.
- It's not his fault!

Look at the cartoon.

"Grr! This scheme is a dog."

- Oh, that's mean!
- Have you read the editorial?

- No.
- Don't. "We've all been sold a pup.

When you think of great infrastructure,

- you think of things like the S..."
- Not reading it.

- Okay.
- Just one more squiggle.

I waited almost three
quarters of an hour.

He comes out eventually.

I said to the manager, I
said, "Look, if you want to

get to know your clients..."
You'll enjoy this, Rhonda.

- No time.
- Thanks, Patrick.

The Chifley Highway upgrade.

Uh, Central Queensland?

- What's going on up there?
- I don't know.

It's a road. You're supposed to know.

But it's not technically
one of our roads.

It began as a state project,
and then there was federal...

Oh, spare me the origin
story. I need to plan a launch.

God knows we could use
some good news right now.

- A brand-new highway...
- It's really just a bypass.

- ... finished on time...
- months late...

- ... on budget.
- Not exactly.

What are you contributing at the moment?

- Facts?
- Lift.

I've got three ministers and a
premier falling over each other

- to cut the ribbon on this thing.
- Should we grab Tony?

We don't need two disasters in a week.

- What's the hold-up?
- I don't know.

Then let's sort it out, hm?

Yep, again, I'm not going to read it.

Katie, my computer looks weird.

- I just changed your wallpaper.
- Because?

- Pastels. More soothing.
- I don't need soothing.

- "Botched rollout."
- Then again...

- "Another own goal for Team Woodford."
- Yeah, I get it.

"Fundamentally flawed."
Seriously, don't read it.

I'm not, you are. I reckon
we all get back to work.

- Yeah. Okay?
- Oh, and, Katie, long black?

(WHISPERS) It's chamomile.

- (WHISPERS) Why are we whispering?
- Soothing.

Okay, Cluey's a guide dog, and
you're holding a white stick.

That's offensive.

- Yep.
- They've crossed a line. No.

We didn't want to take the van,

- so we just booked an Airbnb.
- Oh, nice.

Yeah, it was a couple of
days, did a bit of bushwalking,

- local wineries.
- Oh, sounds perfect.

Actually, a funny thing happened
on one of our bushwalks...

Oh, you've told me this story, Patrick.

- No, different walk.
- Oh, right, yeah.

Actually, I've got a whole bunch on,

so I'd better get back to the office.

- Sure.
- Yep.

She's pointing at the creek. (CHUCKLES)

Long story short, I say it's
not a platypus, it's a duck.

- Oh! (LAUGHS)
- That's not the funny bit.

- Isn't it?
- No, no, on the trail back...

Yeah, ooh, sorry, ooh, yeah,

I'm going to have to
jump on this, Patrick.

Oh, no worries. Finish it later?

- Love to hear it.
- Okay.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

- Did they hang up?
- Who?

Your phone call.

No, no. No.

This doesn't make sense.

Road surfacing works
were completed months ago.

Construction compliance
certificates are all here.

- Contractors?
- Signed off.

This is interesting. Have you ever
heard of Sir Stanford Wessells?

No. Did he have a go at Tony?

A little-known th-century pastoralist

from the Queensland Central Plains.

And what's that got
to do with the bypass?

According to the Regional Roads website,

he's been flagged by the NTSRG.

Right.

- Do you know who that is?
- Yep, National...

- You might have to help me with the rest.
- National Tourism Signage Reference Group.

Group, I was going to say Group.

They've blocked approval of the
road, pending further information.

- What's that mean?
- No idea.

- There's one way to find out.
- Yeah.

- How?
- Ring them.

- Got it.
- And that's not until :.

- Sure.
- Do you want me to schedule a time for Patrick?

- What for?
- To finish his story.

- No.
- You said "love to hear it".

What else? Keep going.

The Priorities Working Party
now want to meet here at two.

- Yep.
- I could put that back till tomorrow.

- Why?
- Give you some space.

- I'm fine, Katie.
- Bit of you time?

Katie, with any luck, this whole thing

will be forgotten by lunchtime.

Wow. You took a hit.

"Reserve Bank Cautious."

No. "Solar Scheme Debacle."

I think the whole
organisation took a hit, Jim.

Huh, not according to this mob.

"Picking up after Cluey
and his clueless owner,"

and there's a drawing of you
with a plastic bag full of...

- Yeah, I get it, I get it.
- Have you read the comments?

- No.
- Don't.

I just can't work out
where it all went so wrong.

Was it something the department did?

- No, I wouldn't have thought so.
- In the implementation process.

Well, that's their bread and butter.

Yeah, but you fast-tracked it.

Let's not rake over the coals,

and just so you know, the
minister's got your back.

It was a misstep. We've
all copped a whack.

- Mainly me.
- Put it behind us.

- Move on.
- Sure.

- Obviously, there'll be an inquiry.
- What?

- Or a royal commission.
- Seriously?

Deep breaths, Tony!

Nothing serious, just to
take the heat out of it.

And I wouldn't read the editorial. Ugh!

- TONY: Night, Courtney.
- Night, Tony. Night, Katie.

- Sure you don't want to come?
- I'm not really a yoga person, Katie.

It's yogalates.

I'm just gonna head
home, crash on the couch.

- Oh, yeah. What are you watching?
- Nothing, really.

Oh, can I give you some recommendations?

- A bit of binge-watching?
- It's a good way to relax, Tony.

- Sure.
- What are you into?

Tony needs something
uplifting and self-affirming.

- Comedy.
- Okay. Beguiled. You'll love it.

Six-parter. Hilarious.

- Okay.
- It's on Stan or Hulu Plus.

Who's in it?

- That girl from Numb.
- Who's she?

The one who's married to
the guy from Remainers.

Oh, yeah. You'll know
her from The Things We Do.

Right.

We really don't need to be doing this.

- But it's such a nice day.
- Oh, is it?

And vitamin D is really
good for lifting your mood.

- My mood's fine.
- Oh, they've gone you again.

- I'm not reading it.
- Don't.

- Tail between your legs.
- Should we make a start?

- We're just waiting on Ash.
- Where is he?

He's getting his hay fever medication.

- Okay, I'll give him a minute.
- (SIGHS) How'd you go with that show?

- Beguiled.
- It was a bit, um, bleak.

- Yeah.
- I thought you said it was a comedy.

- It's more a black comedy.
- So not a comedy?

- A dramedy.
- It has some funny moments.

- Really?
- More in the second season.

I'll start in the second season.

No, you've got to start with the first.

- You won't get the jokes otherwise.
- Yeah, well...

- Alright, sorry, guys.
- Okay. Alright, let's make a start.

Um, has everyone got their
weekly briefing notes?

- Mm-hm.
- Yeah. No, just... It's all on...

Anyway, a couple of updates.

We're still having an issue
with the project interface,

and I want to coordinate
everyone's time lines to make...

- Is anyone else getting bitten?
- No.

- (ASH SNEEZES)
- Bless you.

Let's keep the SharePoint files current,
because if we clog it up with

- the Leader project, we're gonna...
- (BLOWER WHOOSHES)

Oh! Sorry, folks!

- I'll come back!
- Okay.

- Tony!
- Brian!

- Sorry, where was it?
- Uh, Ash sneezed.

He sneezed. Oh, keep
SharePoint files current.

- This is you.
- Great.

It's our job to assess
road signage for accuracy,

relevance, cultural suitability.

And how is that sign a problem?

Well, it's not the sign per
se, it's what it points to.

What does it point to?

A statute about
metres off your new bypass.

This gentleman. Do you know who that is?

- Damien Oliver?
- Sir Stanford Wessells?

- Indeed.
- Of course.

- We'd never really heard of him.
- Nor had we until recently.

Local pioneer apparently, pastoralist.

A few places are named after him.

A bridge, a couple of roads.

So how is that sign pointing
to that statue a problem?

It may not be, but our heritage
team are struggling to find

all that much information
on Sir Stanford.

- He's somewhat of an elusive character.
- Does that matter?

Before we can give
permission for the road sign,

we have to be assured that he is,
or was, a fit and proper person.

Imagine if we were to
discover anything problematic.

Like some old tweets.

It would reflect very
badly on this organisation,

hence our caution.

But that caution is currently
holding up the opening

of a $ million bypass.

I heard .

- It blew out. Sorry.
- Ash.

- As you can see, it's all rather...
- Problematic.

Indeed.

- Good news, Tony.
- What happened to your hand?

Oh, bee sting. It's fine.

Anyway, the minister
just released a statement.

- About?
- Us. This will lift your mood.

- Oh, yeah.
- "Whilst the scheme may have

failed to match expectations,

I retain complete confidence
in the Nation Building Authority

- and its CEO Tony Woodford."
- Uh-huh.

"Tony's dedication cannot be questioned,

and I fully support Mr Woodford."

- Thanks.
- You don't seem happy.

He mentioned you three times.

- Yeah.
- Hold on.

Four. "This was Tony Woodford's scheme."

- Are you sure you're getting enough sleep?
- Why?

Major traumatising events can
severely affect sleep patterns.

- I'm not traumatised.
- It's often delayed.

You know what? I'll be
fine, Katie. That's...

(KNOCKS) Tone, can I just
get a couple of squiggles?

- Just a couple? Sure.
- Oh, great.

Just here and there. New bank account.

- Oh.
- Know your customers.

- Oh, yeah.
- Eh? Didn't used to be like this.

Oh, well, it is what it is,
let's just accept it. All done?

And this is the lease
renewal for downstairs.

Can you believe it, eh?
It's been five years.

- Time flies, doesn't it?
- (LAUGHS)

- Little Hannah wasn't even born.
- Yeah.

- My granddaughter.
- Oh, yeah.

- You know, I showed you those photos.
- Yeah, several times.

You're not going to believe what she

- got up to this week.
- Oh, I'll take your word for it.

I've got it here somewhere.

- School play.
- Katie!

- There she is, you see?
- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, there's another one.
- Beautiful.

- Hang on, that's a tomato.
- Beautiful tomato.

THERE'S a story.

Yeah. Katie, did you just
say Jim's on the line?

- No.
- I thought you did.

Oh, Jim IS on the line.

Oh, sorry, Patrick, gonna
have to jump on this one.

- It's Jim. He's on the line.
- Yeah, we got it.

- I can show you later.
- Okay, sure, let's do that.

(LAUGHS MIRTHLESSLY)
The party, that's a...

(WHISPERS) You've got to stop him.

He told me it was just
a couple of squiggles.

It never is. He sat down, again.

- Shall we get rid of the chairs?
- No, it's fine.

Because that tomato story's a long one.

This one you'll love for sure.
It's hilarious. Marshlands.

- COURTNEY: That show is amazing.
- Mm-hm.

UK comedy set in the Lakes District.

- Oh, okay.
- Incredible scenery.

Two newlyweds on their honeymoon...

- Okay.
- ... found m*rder*d.

- I thought you said it was hilarious.
- You don't SEE the m*rder.

- Well, you do in flashback.
- Yeah, but that's different.

- I'll sh**t you a link.
- And it is funny?

- BOTH: Yeah.
- It's a slow burn.

Okay.

Hey, for what it's worth, I thought
the scheme was a really good idea.

Thanks. So did I.

Can't argue with the numbers,
though. Less than % take-up.

You didn't do the implementation.

- No, we didn't.
- Could that have been the issue?

- In what way?
- I don't know.

- Access, processing applications.
- Possibly.

- It might be worth looking into.
- Yeah, might be.

- I found that one of Hannah.
- Oh!

- Oh, lovely.
- No, it's a video.

- Okay.
- (HANNAH GIGGLES)

- Can't say 'Grandpa'. (LAUGHS)
- Can't she?

- No, no, keep watching.
- Okay.

(HANNAH GIGGLES)

It's about two minutes in.

Okay.

- You can scroll...
- No, don't touch it.

- Yeah, okay.
- Who is he?

Sir Stanford Wessells.

And his faithful horse.

You're telling me some dead explorer

and his horse are holding
up a national highway?

He was sort of a local legend.

Well, right now he's a
roadblock. Get a bulldozer.

The signage people
are just trying to find

a little more information about him.

We're running background
checks on a statue?

It's problematic.

I don't care what it is, I
need you to sort it out now.

Anyway, long story short, he
says that it couldn't be repaired.

- I said, "Well, that's interesting, isn't it?"
- Tony, Jim's on the line.

Oh, what's he want?

- He's on the line.
- Well, he'll want something.

- Yeah, so...
- I'll come back later.

Okay, great.

(KNOCKS) Nat, I didn't finish
that story about little Hannah.

- Didn't you?
- No.

REPORTER: The government can no
longer afford its solar scheme.

REPORTER : Who was
responsible for the scheme

and why was it necessary?

- MAN: It was a massive failure.
- MAN : It was a shemozzle.

WOMAN: An absolute damning indictment.

WOMAN : There are no quick fixes here.

MAN: Yada, yada, etc, etc.

Katie! I need to speak with Scotty.

Good idea. Talking things
through can really...

No, I don't want to talk things through.

A problem shared is a problem halved.

No, it definitely is. Scotty?

- Oh, Katie, the music?
- It's soothing.

It's not. Can we get rid of it?

So, did you like Marshlands?

It was a bit depressing.

- Okay, here's one for you. Red Fogg.
- How many seasons?

- One. But you've got to watch it with subtitles.
- What language is it?

It's English, but the accent's a
little bit tricky. Welsh coalminers.

- Can we put a pin in that one?
- They don't all die.

I've been having a look
at the solar scheme.

- What's wrong with your desktop?
- Oh, don't ask.

Playing around on the official
website, and it's a bit, you know...

- Triggering?
- No, complicated.

I thought it was as
easy as one, two, three.

No, no. Well, have a
look at the home page.

I'm not even sure how to apply.

Yeah, it's easy. Just click
the link there. "Am I eligible?"

- Okay.
- (DOG BARKS)

- Nothing happens.
- Cluey woofed.

But it didn't go anywhere. And
then when you go up to the help page,

- it returns you to the home page.
- That's weird.

So I wonder if you can do me a favour.

Okay. Are you finally ready
to start talking about...

No, no, no. The solar scheme
runs till the end of the month.

- You want me to shut it down?
- No. I want you to apply just as a punter.

Just hop on the website, use my address,

and just see how you go.

- Yeah, and then shut it down?
- No, no.

No. No.

- And it's Red Fogg.
- Uh-huh.

Fogg with two G's. It's his name. Fogg.

- Oh.
- It's pronounced 'Forgg'.

- Morning, Tony.
- Brian.

- You're looking good.
- In what sense?

You're up and about, back on the horse.

Putting all that negativity behind you.

Been a few days now, Brian.

Oh, you weren't listening to
Radio National this morning.

- No, I had the music on.
- Winners and Losers.

Tony Woodford is not a loser.

- Not around here.
- Thanks, Brian.

Hey, Tony, are you doing
anything this weekend?

Uh, no, not that I know of.

Couple of mates and I are going
camping, gonna do a bit of fishing.

- You're welcome to come.
- Oh, thanks, but I don't fish.

Oh, you don't need to.
We sit around a camp fire.

Just a chance for blokes to

talk through their
issues with other blokes.

- I'm fine, Brian.
- Get stuff off our chests.

Honestly, never felt
better, but thank you.

- Ah, Tony.
- Patrick!

Katie, have you been talking to Brian?

- Not really.
- Katie, I'm fine.

You know Brian's going
camping this weekend?

- Yeah, I do.
- Oh, and Patrick was looking for you.

He found me. And you were
right about that tomato story.

We really appreciate
your time, Professor.

Not at all. So, you want to know
about our old friend Sir Stanford?

Yes. And you've been
recommended as an expert.

- Oh, he's something of a pet project.
- What sort of man was he?

Well, not an easy man to
research, limited correspondence.

But he and his famous stallion

were much loved throughout the district.

He was very supportive of
the communities as they grew

along his trading routes,
financing new schools and churches.

So he sounds like a
decent sort of person.

- I'll text Rhonda.
- Well, that's on the plus side.

Maybe...

(KNOCKS) Tony, got a moment?

- Solar scheme?
- Yeah.

- How did you go?
- It's pretty straightforward.

I filled in most of your details.

I just need you to confirm,
is that your address?

- Yes, it is.
- Okay. I hit submit.

- (DOG WHINES)
- And then "address not recognised".

- What happened there?
- Are you sure you live there?

- Oh, pretty sure.
- I see what I've done.

I've done RD instead of 'Road'.

- Ah.
- Let's do that.

D. Submit.

- (DOG WHINES)
- What now?

(GROANS) Someone with these details
already submit an application.

Yeah, us, just then.

I'll tell you what, I'll
log out and I'll start again.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Did you start Red Fogg?
- Not yet.

They're doing a second season.

These drunken spells would
often last for days on end,

but eventually he'd return
to town and sober up.

- Okay, so, he was an alcoholic.
- He certainly had a fondness for rum.

- Violent?
- No evidence of that.

And in , he stopped
drinking altogether.

- Took the pledge?
- No, went to jail. Two years.

- For? Phew.
- Fraud.

Accusations of irregularities
in some of his business dealings.

- So, again, nothing violent?
- No.

He really did appear to be a
gentle man, quite gregarious even,

and treated his workers with
great respect and affection,

even married his housekeeper.

- That's a plus.
- She was .

Oh.

- But back then...
- Still young.

Tony, did you just get sent a text?

Uh... yes.

"Marshland, season one now streaming."

- Sorry, I meant a code.
- Oh, yeah.

- It's for the solar scheme.
- There you go.

Okay, great.

Almost there. And...

- (DOG WHINES)
- Ah!

- Ah what?
- That code's expired.

How could it? They just
sent it to you then?

I got caught up chatting to Patrick.
I'll get 'em to send a new one.

Yep, okay.

Knock, knock.

Tony? Patrick!

- What are you doing down there?
- Oh, I'm just searching for a contact lens.

Oh, tricky business.
Let me give you a hand.

No, no, I'm fine. No, no,
you keep going about your...

No. Look, we'll find it. That's alright.

Actually, this reminds me
of the time I went camping

and I lost one of the tent pegs.

- Oh, but you found it in the end.
- Well, not quite.

I was searching everywhere for it.

But, anyway, let's look for this...
A bit smaller than a tent peg.

(WHISPERS) Tony, I think
Patrick's on his way down.

I'm gonna shut the door.

I reckon we look for it later, Patrick.

No, no, look, I found that
tent peg, we'll find your lens.

Just finally, and this
is an important one,

what about his dealings with
the local First Nations people?

- Ah.
- Yes, we're obviously very sensitive

- to any sort of ill treatment.
- Well, you can relax there.

By the standards of his time,
Sir Stanford took great interest

in the Indigenous population.

- Oh. Well, that's a relief.
- I'll text Rhonda.

In fact, he collected
hundreds of their artefacts.

Most are now in London.

- But back then...
- It was still a lot.

- Good news with your solar scheme.
- Oh, yeah?

There's not gonna be a royal commission,
just a parliamentary inquiry.

Right. I've actually been
looking into the scheme.

Don't b*at yourself up.

Jim, I'm starting to
think the problem was with

the application process.

Which was set up by the department.

- Yeah, but it was fast-tracked by you.
- That's true.

- So what you're saying is...
- Well...

- ... we should k*ll the inquiry.
- No, we should go back and do it properly.

(LAUGHS)

A bit late for that now.

- Once the cartoonists have gone ya...
- What?

- Hey, who put me onto Red Fogg?
- Oh, how good is it?

Who'd want to be a Welsh coalminer?

- What episode?
- Binged the lot.

Artefacts?

On top of that, there's the
drinking, the child bride.

It's problematic.

I'll tell you what's problematic -

the minister and the premier showing
up to an official ribbon cutting

only to find themselves in the
middle of some cultural sh*t fight.

- So what do we do?
- I told you - fix it!

- Ah, Rhonda, I've been meaning to...
- No time, Patrick!

Oh, fair enough. Busy lady.

I've got an idea.

What if we just don't put the sign up?

Then there would be no connection
between our bypass and the statue.

That could work, as long as
the mayor is okay with it.

- One way to find out.
- Right.

- Give him a call.
- I'll give him a call.

- Done and done.
- I've got solar panels?

No, you've got an account

and a unique customer
identification number.

- Now all we need is...
- Some solar panels.

... the following documentation.

A photo of your driver's licence,
Medicare card, rates notice,

- or proof of occupancy...
- I'm not applying for a passport.

... an Australian passport or
certified residency documentation.

- Can we get Katie to chase these up?
- You're also going to need a photo.

- You're kidding.
- Should we knock it over now?

I guess.

Right.

Yeah. Oh, actually,
I've got to go, Patrick.

Yeah, I... No, I'd never
try and guess the ending.

Yep. Tell me later. Fantastic.

- Okay, bit of a problem. The mayor.
- Oh, yeah.

I told him we were thinking
of removing the monument sign.

- What did he say?
- Shall I skip the rude words?

- Sure.
- No.

- What?
- "You and your Canberra bureaucrats

- can shove your big city..."
- I get it, I get it.

He said it would be an insult to
the town. They all seem to love him.

A lecherous, r*cist drunk.

- Are you talking about the mayor?
- Sir Stanford.

Well, it gets worse. Turns out Sir

Stanford also fought in the Boer w*r.

Even his horse received a medal.

So now we're taking on the RSL?

I think I might let you ring
Rhonda. It might be best.

Okay. Let me just submit this.

Traffic light, traffic
light, traffic light.

I'm not a robot. Remember me.

This is way more
complicated than it should be.

Okay, it's just processing.

- Oh, got another recommendation for you.
- Oh, yeah?

Danish series set in the Middle Ages.

- Does it involve dragons?
- You've seen it?

I'm not sure I'm up
for that sort of thing.

- Looking good.
- Oh, good.

- (DOG WHINES)
- What now?

- Photo unacceptable.
- Why?

Apparently you're supposed
to use a neutral expression.

I think you might have
been scowling, Tony.

Well, I am now. You
know, the real miracle?

That , people managed
to apply on this thing.

- I reckon this one's okay.
- Okay.

I'll submit this. Submit.

- (DOG WHINES)
- Oh, session expired.

- Again?
- Yeah. Let's go back into it.

- Okay.
- Upload photo.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Zebra crossing, zebra
crossing, zebra crossing.

Could we reroute the bypass?

- Bypass a bypass?
- What if we put a screen up around the statue?

Oh, are we now trying
to put the horse down?

- Ash might be onto something.
- Am I?

Why don't we do what they've done

with statues of Captain Cook in Sydney?

- Chuck red paint on them?
- Put up a plaque.

A context marker, acknowledging
that certain behaviours,

whilst acceptable at the time,

do not meet modern
standards, blah, blah, blah...

So we keep the statue and the sign.

Do I have to call the mayor again?

- Katie... why is Rina here?
- Legal stuff.

- About?
- Your solar panel application.

- What?
- Apparently you've got a mortgage.

- I'm aware of that.
- So you need a signed stat dec

from the bank so that
they can authorise...

Oh, this is insane.
It's one suburban home.

I've got half the staff chasing
my documentation, now we've got...

Do you realise what she charges an hour?

And she's talking to Patrick.

What? Oh, you're kidding? It'll
be the bloody tomato story.

Oh, sorry, Patrick.

I'm going to have to
steal Rina away from you.

PATRICK: No problem at
all. No problem at all.

- I can show you later, if you like.
- Okay.

I spoke to the mayor, asked if
it's okay to put up a plaque.

- What did he say?
- Shall I skip the rude words?

- Yes.
- Sure.

He's happy to do it?

But as long as the statue and
the sign stay up, he doesn't mind.

He knows what it's like
to deal with inner-city,

latte-sipping, vegan greenies.

I don't think he'll be
speaking at the opening.

- Maybe not.
- Good news.

Tony, can I show you something?

I think I'm over Southern
Gothic thrillers now.

I think Cluey's got something to say.

(DOG BARKS)

- It's done.
- Uh-huh. Yep.

Now we've just got to
apply for an installer.

- What?
- Let me know when you get the code.

"... at the time of his being, and
we acknowledged that the actions

of the person depicted here do
not conform to modern standards."

Well, that sounds like
a reasonable resolution.

We're getting the plaque made up now.

Yes. Can we just
double-check the spelling?

- Sir Stanford Wessells.
- That's double S, double L.

- Great.
- And his horse ends in I-E.

Sorry?

Blackie.

I'll text Rhonda.

It's general agreement that Sir
Stanford was an astute businessman.

- A crook.
- A colourful figure.

- A drunk.
- A man prone to anger.

- A drunken crook.
- Larger than life.

- Bully.
- Someone of immense passion...

- Pants man.
- ... who held fierce,

- if somewhat outdated, convictions.
- BOTH: Nut bag.

But he never actually
harmed another person

or committed an indictable offence.

We might need two plaques.

That's the crazy thing about it...
solar panels are a good idea.

Your scheme should have worked, Tony.

You know what, Brian?
Maybe we change the topic.

Oh, yeah, good thinking.

Hey, Patrick, why don't you
finish that story of yours?

Oh, right. Where was I?

Oh, no, that's right, we'd lost our way.

We were heading in the wrong direction

from the start of the walk.

VOICEOVER: Tonight on
Four Corners, Lights Out.

What went wrong with the
Million Panel Solar Program?

Meanwhile, over on ABC iview,

more trouble underground
for the miners of Red Fogg.