03x04 - iGo Public

[bunniefuu]

Our first iCarly episode as a couple.

And since we are doing
a Q and A with fans,

here's a practice question...

Who's my girlfriend?

Some gorgeous web star

who locked down the
hottest guy on her floor.

- (GASPS)
- It's me. (CHUCKLES)

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

I have never been happier.

Well, except for maybe the
time my phone was on one percent

and then lasted the whole
day, like Hanukkah...

I'm kidding. Never happier.

Me, too. Can't wait to tell the world.

(GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)

Okay, frisky, down to business.

And we are live in five,

four, three, two...

Hey, and welcome to Tuesdays with Carly,

our juicy Q and A we do every Tuesday,

unless we forget like we did
for the last five Tuesdays.

As always,

I'll take this opportunity
to fold my laundry,

which I have also forgot to
do for the last five weeks.

Okay, first question.

"Carly, are you single?"

I think I know the answer to this one.

Pass. But in a nice way.

O... kay.

"Want to iCarly and chill sometime?"

(SCOFFS) Prepare to be
disappointed, Mr. Question Man.

You mean watch old episodes of my show

in a heavily air-conditioned
room? (CHUCKLES)

I mean, that gets a
big old "yes, please."

Hey. Here's a question from...

a totally real viewer.

"Are there any recent,
intimate developments

in your personal life that
you would like to share?"

Yeah. Thanks for reminding me.

Mm-hmm.

I am completely,

totally head over heels for...

Aw, I'm already blushing.

... my new Smart Towel!

(CHUCKLING)

I used to have to rely
on my dumb old eyeballs.

But when this baby vibrates,
that means I am bone dry.

Finally, dryness I can trust.

For % off, use code DRYCARLY.

I'm hurt, but I also want that towel.

(GIGGLING)

♪ I know ♪

♪ You see ♪

♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪

♪ And be so wonderful ♪

♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪

♪ It's your time to be ♪

♪ There's no chance
unless you take one ♪

♪ And the time to see
the brighter side ♪

♪ Of every situation ♪

♪ Some things are meant to be ♪

♪ So give your best and
leave the rest to me ♪

Carly. Carly.

Carly, I know you can hear me.

Can't talk. Too hungry.
Must eat sandwich.

But sandwich.

First talk, then sandwich.

I'm sorry... (SIGHS)

... but I don't want to just blurt out

that you and I are
together on some Q and A

promoting the future of towels.

So, you're saying you want
to plan a big announcement?

Ah! Of course you do! You're
in the business of show.

Yeah. Totally.

That is exactly what I meant.

We just need a special idea.

The kind that takes a
really long time to think of.

Well, if you want special,
imagine the following...

A -slide PowerPoint presentation

of which I have already made .

We can do the last three...
(QUIETLY): together.

Fun. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

Oh, here's a little something
for my favorite sweet tooth.

You know they can write on cupcakes now.

Now that we've talked, can
I just focus on my sandwich?

- Yeah.
- 'Kay.

♪ ♪

Spencer, you okay?

Of course, why?

- You said it was a matter of life and death.
- And it is.

'Cause I've been dying
to show you something!

BOTH: Oh.

I could be home doing nothing.

- Shay What?! has always been missing something.
- Blooming onions?

- Soap?
- ADA Compliance?

A bowl of pillow mints by the cashier?

Did somebody say "possum"?
'Cause the answer's possum.

Oh, good. I needed new nightmares.

Possum Secret Handshake?
I know this game.

It put Raccoon Simon
Says out of business.

My buddy Socko opened an arcade
and it closed a week later

'cause he realized he hates
loud noises and children.

He lost his life savings,
but I got a free possum.

(GAME WHIRS)

Who wants to have some fun?

I do. I want to have some fun.

Totally poss-some.

Time to pay so we can start to play.

(CASH REGISTER CHIME)

(PLAYFUL TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

My name is Janine. What's yours?

Millicent.

So nice to meet you, Milli-cent.

I can tell that you are one
strong, smart young lady.

(GIGGLES) Go on...

Something really awkward
happened with me and Freddie.

Oh, good, you two
finally slept together.

Shut up.

He wants to announce
publicly that we're a couple,

but I'm not ready.

What's wrong? It's
the fedoras, isn't it?

No, those are growing on me.

Look, I just love being
in our cozy bubble.

It's just me and Freddie

and not the whole Internet
with their comments

that seem nice but
are actually sarcastic.

Good thing you don't
live for validation.

Come on, Carly,

you can't keep your
relationship hidden forever.

Or can I?

Like those men with secret families.

You want to be like men
with secret families?

Harper, I just want
to stay in the bubble.

I know.

What if I show him how
great it is in here?

With an incredibly romantic date.

In an incredibly romantic place.

Like a roof. And what
does one do on a roof?

Get free cable?

Have a picnic.

I'm gonna have a super special picnic

on the roof of the Bushwell.

The place with the barbed
wire and the sign saying

not to go up there or
an alarm will sound?

That just makes it... forbidden.

Excellent job, Mill-i-cent.

With your coordination,

you could be a better pilot
than Sully Sullenberger.

I know that, but it's nice
to hear somebody else say it.

Totally poss-some!

Is that freaky possum talking to you?

You bet I am, Har-per.

How do you know my name?

I'm always listening.

Now, why don't you give me a try?

If you b*at my final
level, you'll earn a hug.

Bitch, I can get a hug anytime I want.

No problem.

Besides, you need
rhythm to play this game.

Oh, you will be hugging me.

(CASH REGISTER CHIME)

(PLAYFUL TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

I need your help.

Lose the fedoras.

They're growing on her.

Carly wants our couple
announcement to be special.

How many slides is the
PowerPoint presentation?

seven plus the three
we're gonna do together.

I can help you. But we have to go now.

Now!

- Why?
- Because I'm quickly losing interest.

Run, Freddie, run!

(SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)

♪ ♪

Hey, I thought you were gonna tell me

what I need for my announcement.

Oh, right. I lost interest.

Drones!

I said, "Drones!"

I know, I'm waiting for you to say...

something else!

SPENCER: Picture it...

Tomorrow night, of these bad boys

in the Seattle skyline, spelling out

"Creddie Forevvie" and
forming a b*ating heart.

Just like the opening
credits of Frasier,

but even more romantic.

That does sound romantic. (GASPS)

It's like a PowerPoint
presentation in the sky.

No, it isn't.

I'll handle the drones,

you handle my sister.

But with respect!

So you have drones
just sitting around?

No, but I do have a credit
card and a Walmart+ membership.

Free delivery, baby. (CHUCKLES)

- Ooh.
- And you know what?

Yes, I will add a bath mat to my order

'cause I have slipped so many times.

Okay, drones. Yeah, let's do it.

Tomorrow night, I will bring Carly

up to the roof to surprise her,

and livestream the
whole thing for the fans.

I mean, what could be
more romantic than a roof?

Our roof?

With the haunted water t*nk,
broken glass, and rat parade?

Oh, yeah.

The broken glass really
catches the light at sunset.

♪ ♪

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

I hope Tinsley doesn't mind
me missing her improv show.

That sounds important.

Nah, rich people are bad at comedy.

I bet you're the funny
one in your relationship.

You land a joke

like Sully Sullenberger lands a plane.

Go on...

Harper, it's my turn.

But I'm so close to getting that hug.

I want that hug. I need that hug.

Look over there. It's
Tinsley's improv team.

And they're asking for
suggestions from the audience.

What?! No!

Oh, no, you don't.

- Hey!
- Ahh!

Okay, shoving a kid. Not
my best look. (CHUCKLES)

Please, sweet child, have a turn.

But make it fast.

- Mill-i-cent, you're up.
- (CASH REGISTER CHIMES)

I'm so glad you took my advice

and broke up with De-rek.

Now we have all day to play together.

Wait, you broke up with Derek?

Yeah.

Janine thinks I can bag
that kid from Young Sheldon.

Wow, you're still playing this?

Is that why you didn't
come home last night?

Yeah! Wait, what day is it?

I don't care. Janine's the best.

She's like a therapy
session and a cardio workout

all rolled into one.

You should try it.

But you got to get to
the back of the line.

I'm busy.

And I refuse to make eye
contact with that thing.

I'm making a picnic for Freddie.
I just need a few supplies.

Like what?

Uh, you know, just
utensils, plates, napkins.

And a blanket and food.

But I have this k*ller basket.

Where did you get that basket?

It's yours.

(FANFARE PLAYS)

Forget college. I'm going
to Janine University.

Oh, we can be roommates!

Hey, I really don't think
that a grown woman should be

this obsessed with a game
recommended for nine-year-olds.

It's nine and up.

Harper, I think you should
take a good hard look

at your actions. (EXCLAIMS)

Not my actions.

Huh. Does Carly have a point?

No, Har-per.

Ignore the girl with the weird elbows.

If you leave, I might get angry.

(DEEP VOICE): And you
don't want to see me angry.

(NORMAL VOICE): Now,
who's ready for level ?

Totally poss-some!

Hey, can I borrow a blanket?

What's going on in here?

Not sure what you mean.

Spencer, are you
trying to build a woman?

Just watching the game.

Did you see what happened with the ball?

Kind of went wild... 'cause of the ball.

Why are you being so weird?

(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT): Weird?

What are you talking about, mate?

I'm just here with my
miscellaneous aluminium drones.

Why are you doing your

Australian-hiding-something accent?

Wait.

Don't tell me that Freddie
is planning on announcing

our relationship with a drone.

No.

With drones!

I spent all afternoon programming them.

No! Shut it down.

It's too late. Freddie's
up on the roof right now

connecting the transmitter
that sends the signal to...

Roof, transmitter... Good. Bye.

SPENCER: Carly... Come on.

You forgot your basket!

Say nothing if I can eat all the food.

Oh, I'm gonna Yogi Bear
the crap out of you.

You can't have any.

♪ ♪

Hey, there, Carly Nation.

We are livestreaming for
an exclusive announcement.

And just to fend off disappointment,

it's not a PowerPoint.

There will be no slides.

Carly? Hey.

I was just about to bring you up here,

but you b*at me to it.

What a beautiful gesture.

Where's the transmitter?

Over there.

Wait, how do you know
about the transmitter?

(GRUNTS)

I'm doing this for us.

- (SCREAMING)
- No!

(SCREAMING)

Stay... down!

Stop! It's already dead!

(GRUNTS)

Yeah, don't mess with these delts.

Right? These are delts?

I planned a sick drone
display to announce us,

and you're up here acting
like a dang roadrunner.

Did you have an extra Capri Sun today?

- No.
- Mm...

Okay, fine. Yes.

But I just thought instead
of a big, flashy announcement,

maybe we don't announce anything at all.

Wait, you don't want
to tell people about us?

Hold on, let me get my surprise.

It'll explain everything.

Well, maybe not everything.
It's just a picnic.

But it's a super cute one.

Hey, um... I can't tell.

Is this a "push" or "pull" situation?

You moved the chair?

Yes, it was in my way.

Now let me focus. I'm
trying to get this open.

It locks automatically...
from the inside.

- So you're saying we're...
- Trapped?

Yes.

Okay, let me just try one more thing.

♪ ♪

Spencer, you're finally here.

Our friend Janine just threatened us.

Which one's Janine?

The possum.

Oh, yeah. Ah!

Socko mentioned this game got recalled

due to threats of v*olence
and an unsettling obsession

with hero pilot Sully Sullenberger.

Lower your voice. This
is Janine country now.

I'll lower my voice... in hell!

(GROWLS SOFTLY)

Look if you're so worried about it,

let's just go home.

Food sucks here anyway. (CHUCKLES)

(QUIET BEEPING)

I wouldn't leave if I were
you. I know all your secrets.

And your credit card information.

She could steal my identity.

I wasn't ready to start over.

Maybe you should.

I never loved the name Millicent.

Or maybe I could call
up Tinsley and tell her,

(HARPER'S VOICE): "I never
want to see you again.

Also, I shop at stores with
the word 'barn' in the name."

(GASPS)

Okay, we got to k*ll this thing.

I brought her in and I'll take her out.

It's poss-o'clock somewhere.

JANINE: Hey, guys,

I think we all said
things we didn't mean.

Let's just go back to having fun.

Totally poss-some!

Don't listen to her.

Spencer, you haven't played with me yet.

I have a special hug for you.

Special hug?

Maybe just a quick one.

(CASH REGISTER CHIME)

(PLAYFUL TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMS)

Totally poss-some!

- (GROWLING)
- Oh! Okay.

(GROANS) Tell my ten kids I love them!

(GRUNTS)

(VOICE FADING): Not...
totally poss-some.

Wow, I always thought
teamwork was a crock, but...

She's alive!

- I've got this.
- (SCREAMS)

- (JANINE GROWLING)
- That possum was playing possum.

Oh, I guess that's where
the phrase comes from.

(VOICE FADING): I was your friend.

Millicent, you saved me Oh... !

If it looks like I
peed myself in terror,

it's actually something that's not bad.

♪ ♪

Help!

We're stuck on the roof with no picnic!

Not no picnic. I brought the napkins.

Never mind. We have the napkins.

Help!

Don't...

I didn't say anything.

No!

(QUIETLY): I didn't say anything.

(QUIETLY): You said it with your eyes.

We can still do the
best part of a picnic...

sitting on the ground.

Carly, why don't you want
people to know about us?

Are you embarrassed to be with me?

Oh, my God, no. Not at all.

I'm obsessed with you.

When that fedora flew off your head...

I was sad.

Look, I was in a public
relationship with Beau

and then he dumped me
during that live stream,

and the Internet piled on.

Guess I'm just worried
that if we go public,

I'll be opening you up
to that kind of pain.

Planning on dumping me anytime soon?

No, of course not.

I just really want to protect you.

I don't know if you know this,

but the Internet can be kind of mean.

You don't have to protect me, okay?

I can take whatever they throw at us.

Or we can keep it a secret forever.

It doesn't matter.

I just want to be with you.

You are everything I have ever wanted,

and there's nothing that anyone
on the Internet could ever say

to make me feel differently.

Because I love you, Carly.

I'm in love with you.

Thank God I brought these napkins.

(PHONE CHIMES)

Someone's finally answering my texts.

It's my mom. "FYI, your camera is on.

And it's not a flattering
angle for Carly's chin."

I started streaming to show the drones

and completely forgot.

Hey...

(CAMERA BEEPS)

Wow, these comments
are surprisingly nice.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

"It's about time."

"I want what you have."

"This is blowing my mind.

I'm definitely not clicking away
as fast as humanly possible."

- Aw...
- I think they're being sarcastic.

Aw.

Screw the bubble.

I want the world to know.

(CAMERA BEEPS)

I love you, Freddie Benson.

(BUZZING)

The drones.

I guess destroying the
transmitter didn't work.

But they're making some kind of picture.

Yeah, they're spelling
out "Creddie Forevvie"

- with a b*ating heart.
- Huh.

Doesn't really look like a heart.

It's kind of weird, it-it
looks more like a microphone.

Yeah, or a horizontal lighthouse.

I think I know what it is.

- It's a...
- Oh, no.

It's definitely not that.

Oh, yeah, I see it now.

The drones must have gone back
to their default formation.

But why would it be that?

Well, because probably Spencer decided

to test the drones by making a huge...

Oh, damn!

My lighthouse is on its side.

Can we just go back to
you telling me you love me?

Yeah, I thought you'd
never ask. I love you.

- Is it...
- Throbbing?

- Yep.
- Okay, now I really see it.

♪ ♪

Thanks for bringing champagne.

You didn't happen to see a sick
fedora on the street, did you?

- We'll get you a new one.
- (GASPS)

And thanks for finally rescuing us.

Oh, yeah. Sorry I didn't hear my phone.

It was for totally normal reasons.

Unrelated, does anyone
know where I can dump

a giant possum corpse?

Cheers to publicly declaring your love.

- ALL: Cheers.
- Oh...

So that's where my chair is.

ALL: No!

♪ ♪

Ooh!