02x02 - Trial Marriage

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

Dad, how come every time

Mary and Doug go in their room

they lock the door?

Oh, well, that's because, um..

Uh.. Well, you don't really

wanna know that. Do you?

Oh, alright, then, uh,

I'll tell you.

Uh, what it is, is, uh..

You see, I wasn't

really expecting

to have to go through this

with you for a few more years

'but, uh..'

Alright, I'll explain it

to you right now.

Now, just sit down.

You are, so, stay there.

Uh, here's what it is.

Um, it's-it's interesting,

you'll be fascinated.

What it is, is

that, uh, everybody..

uh, worms, fish

birds, the bees, everybody..

Alright, here's what..

Are you listening?

Uh, people grow up.

And when they grow up

they fall in love

and they want to be close.

So they can smooch.

I know all that.

- You do?

- Uh-huh.

I know that, you know that,

everybody else knows that.

So, why do they have

to lock the door?

Well, because they don't know

that we know

what they know.

Oh, then I guess

we better not tell them.

My lips are sealed.

Ahh.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

- Hi.

- Hi.

Fischer versus Spassky.

I can see.

Doug, do you want

another sandwich?

Not until

I beat Dr. Maxwell.

Future psychiatrist

trying to psych me out.

Two moves, just two

more moves, that's all.

Two moves. Good luck.

How come you keep

dragging Doug

to these quaint little

family gatherings, Mary?

I'm not dragging him, Nancy.

He happens to enjoy quaint.

Oh, I don't know.

I could think of plenty

of better things to do.

Oh, yes,

I can see it now.

Nancy and her beloved on some

quiet lonely street all alone.

Window shopping.

Hurry up and win somebody.

Checkmate.

Come on, Doug.

Alright!

[shouting]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, sorry.

Why don't we use the old

Statue of Liberty play?

Old is right!

Prehistoric is more right.

Now, Tommy,

you take the ball.

David, you play long.

And, Doug, you stay back

and block, alright?

- Got it.

- Okay. On one, two.

- Alright.

- Let's go.

(all)

Yeah!

[indistinct chatter]

Lucky at chess,

but unlucky at football.

Watch the hostility, doctor.

Your youth fixation is showing.

Okay, now, one, two!

[indistinct shouting]

[pants]

[laughing]

Well, I guess I better watch out

for that youth fixation of mine.

- Really.

- Sorry, I knocked you down..

Hey, Tom.

I, I can't move

my right leg.

Stay cool, you've got

a doctor and a half here.

Can you move your toes?

Uh-uh, they're numb.

Why, what's the matter?

What happened?

Looks like he might

have a sprained ankle.

No, hold on.

You see that?

- Oh, yeah.

- Maybe a fractured tibia.

'I think we better

get some X-rays.'

You mean it's broken?

It can't be.

What's it say?

I can't read it.

"Roses are red,

violets are blue

take two aspirin,

phone me in the morning."

I'm a doctor,

not a poet.

Do you want another pillow?

Yeah, this thing itches

and I can't get comfortable.

Well, that'll pass.

In about a week, you should

be able to manage the steps

with the crutches.

Well, if he can do that

why can't he manage

the steps at school?

Five weeks is an

awfully long time.

Yeah, but at his age

Tommy should stay off it

as much as possible

if you want a perfect mend.

Oh, I don't mind

missing school, dad.

Yeah, but school minds

missing you.

Their policy is to

send over a tutor.

A tutor? Terrific!

I can hardly wait.

Listen, as I recall

your last report card

a tutor would be

a lucky break.

Gee, two breaks

in one day.

Here you go.

Well, I'mma go upstairs

and see if Tommy needs anything.

Ah, he doesn't need anything.

He gets a whole room

to himself.

I'm stuck with dad.

- Oh.

- Cheer up, kid.

Dad only snores at night.

[giggles]

How old were you

when you got your own room?

I always had my own room.

Remember?

I was born first.

It must have been fun

to be born first.

Hmm-mm. Yeah.

I was the first

to get spanked

uh, first to get the measles

and, uh, the first to get

grounded for breaking curfew.

I bet nobody ever called

you the baby of the family.

Drink your milk.

You'll grow up faster.

I mean, he did ask you

to the movie, didn't he?

What do you mean

not in so many words?

[doorbell dings]

Will somebody

get the door?

That must be Doug.

Uh, Elizabeth,

will you turn

the oven off

at :, please?

'Can't you see

I'm on the phone?'

Yes, I can see

you're on the phone

but there's a roast in the oven

and it has to come out at :.

Sure.

Yeah, I'm still here.

- Hey.

- Hello.

I'm Sandra Sue Abbott,

I'm here to tutor Tom Bradford.

- Tom?

- Mmm.

- Tommy. You're from school?

- Tommy.. Uh-huh.

Hi. Come on in.

I'll take you upstairs.

Hey, Mary,

come on, honey, we're late.

Hi, uh, Elizabeth, would

you please get off the phone

and take Mrs. Abbott upstairs?

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Bye-bye.

- Bye.

(Joannie)

'Elizabeth! Elizabeth!

Where are you?'

Oh, you asked him.

I see.

- Hi. I'm here to tutor Tom.

- Hi.

- Tom? Oh, you mean Tommy.

- Tommy, yes.

Well, I'll take you up to him.

- Just a second, okay?

- Okay

Elizabeth, I've been looking

all over for my new bracelet.

You have it.

Can't anyone have

a conversation around here?

Sure. Just give me back

my bracelet, please.

Excuse me. Would, uh..

Could, uh..

I'll just go on up, okay?

Oh, hi.

Oh, hello.

Hey, listen, do, do you

live here too?

Sure. Second floor,

third door on the right.

Well, would you mind telling me

how to find a Tommy Bradford?

I'll see you later.

Um, I'm just gonna go on up.

(Nicholas)

'Who broke my football?'

You're too young to be Tommy.

I'm Nicholas.

Tommy has a broken leg.

- Yeah.

- Do you know how to do this?

I certainly do, and I will,

if you take me to Tommy.

- It's a deal.

- Okay. Let's go.

Oh.

Hey, heads up, heads up.

Hi. Tommy, right?

I'm, uh, I'm Mrs. Abbott,

your new teacher.

- Oh, hi.

- Oh, hi.

Hi, Mrs. Abbott.

I'm Susan, Tommy's sister.

- Oh, another one.

- Yeah.

Five girls and three boys.

Oh, well, that should

make things easier, right?

Um, each one of you

could take a subject.

Susan, how 'bout English?

That'd be Joannie.

That'd be Joannie, okay.

Uh, how 'bout science?

(Susan)

'Oh, Mary is so good

at science.'

Oh, I'd be best at coaching

Tommy in high jump.

Well, that's, uh,

that's really clever.

Um, how 'bout Social Studies?

Sure, why not.

Yeah, well, it's gonna be tough

remembering all your names.

It's easy.

Dumb Martians just sit

nearby eating tender noodles.

I beg your pardon.

David, Mary, Joannie, Susan

Nancy, Elizabeth,

Tommy, Nicholas.

I'm noodles.

[chuckles]

A noodle, alright.

I've never had this much

homework in my whole life.

It's classwork, Tommy,

you gotta keep up.

But I've got a broken leg.

You don't study

with your leg.

It hurts and it itches.

Look, Tommy,

I've seen your records

and they are pretty raunchy,

pal.

But, uh, of course,

if you want to lose a year

just, uh, lie back and keep

griping about your tough luck.

Yeah, well, maybe I'm just dumb.

No, dumb is for David.

You're supposed to

be tender, remember.

Come on, Tommy,

get your act together.

I mean, um, with all

the help you've got around here

you should be doing

a lot better.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Abbot.

I'm Tom Bradford,

Tommy's father.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

Well, first days are

always a little rough, but, uh..

Hey, incidentally,

we need someone to coach Tommy

in plane geometry,

so maybe you could, uh..

Oh, sure.

Uh, geometry was never exactly

my best subject.

Well, give it a shot.

Okay?

[Tom sighs]

So long, Tommy.

- Bye, Mr. Bradford.

- So long.

[chuckles]

- Well, uh, how did it go, son?

- Alright, I guess.

- Is she a good teacher?

- She's gnarly.

She's gnarly?

Is that good or bad?

Listen, uh, I'll deny this

if you quote me but, I, uh..

I really like the way

you've taken charge of Mary.

Have I done that?

Oh-oh, anybody who can

get Mary to give up

pre-law school

for pre-med school

believe me, has taken charge.

[chuckles]

Well, I just think

Mary would rather ride

in an ambulance

than chase one.

Don't get me wrong,

I want what's best for Mary.

It's just that, well,

I was wondering if either of you

had given any thought to

what happens after school.

Sure, I'm going to be

an analyst

and Mary's gonna

be a pediatrician.

'We think that'll

make a pretty good team.'

Two doctors in one family.

And neither one of them

can play ping-pong.

I think I detect

a challenge there.

That's right.

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Can I stay in here?

Mrs. Abbott is giving

Tommy a test and..

Uh, Nicholas, I've told you

not to interrupt me

when I'm studying.

I thought you stopped

studying and started kissing.

[clears throat]

Nicholas..

[chuckling]

Ah, why don't we,

uh, go to your place?

Can't. My roommate's

got the shade down.

You ought to get

a new roommate.

[chuckles]

[dishes clinking]

Hey, try not to break all

the dishes at once, okay?

Well, if they break,

blame Mary.

What? Oh. Oh, yeah,

that makes a lot of sense.

Dad, it's just not fair.

I mean, tonight's her night

for K.P.

and she's upstairs

goofing around with Doug.

Oh, come on, honey.

Mary has pinch hit

for us plenty of times.

I mean, you got to

realize it that she

and Doug are, uh, well,

they are, uh..

I wouldn't be surprised

if they announced

their engagement

pretty soon.

No kidding? Huh.

Engagement, huh?

You know, uh,

that'll mean a shower.

That's right, kiddo.

Shower. Aah-aah!

Oh.

[Tom laughing]

Ah, parting is

such sweet sorrow.

You know what's weird?

We can be together all day

then one of us has to leave

and all I can think about

is being with him again.

- I've known the feeling.

- I know you have, dad.

That's why I know I can tell

you something very important.

Please try and understand.

Oh, you don't have to

try to sell me on Doug.

I've liked him right from

the very beginning.

Are you leading up to

the announcement

that my oldest daughter

is leaving the nest?

We're looking for

an apartment tomorrow.

Oh, well,

do you think you should put

the apartment

ahead of the vows?

I mean, shouldn't you

discuss wedding plans first?

We're not getting

married, daddy.

We're gonna

live together.

[music continues]

Do you remember

Madge Clayburgh and Phil Myers?

They were the Doug

and Mary of our generation.

Okay, so it's nothing new.

They lived together

for years.

I don't think

they ever had an argument

until they got married.

That's what broke it up.

If they had been married.

If it had been the real thing.

They might have

split after one year.

Look, Tom..

Doug and Mary

are not quitting school

and joining a commune.

We're not talking about

what they're not doing.

We're talking about

what they're doing.

If it were my daughter

I would give her my blessing.

Oh, I see, that's interesting.

There's one little thing though.

It's not your daughter,

It's my daughter.

Picky, picky.

[emergency brake creaking]

Hi, uh, Joan.

Uh, Joannie.

- No, Mary. This is Doug.

- Hi.

Uh, yeah, but, uh,

I could only give Tommy

about ten minutes

on political science.

I know he needs more but I'm

busy looking for an apartment.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, it's not easy

findin' a cheap vacancy

near the university.

Oh, I live near there.

Compton.

Hey, you know, I think there's

a vacancy in my building.

Oh, yeah?

Maybe we should go

check it out.

- Compton?

- Right.

Thanks.

The door's open.

Okay, thanks.

Hey, good luck.

- Thank you. Bye.

- Bye.

I can't understand it.

Tommy is, uh,

a really bright kid, and..

[chuckles]

I always thought

I was a pretty good teacher.

But it's almost

as if he doesn't care.

Hmm.

Well, I'll just have to

give him another one of my

"Let's win this one

for the Gipper talks."

[chuckles]

If the bottom line is that

he has to repeat another year

well, then that's just

what he's gonna have to do.

No, that's no good.

You don't want him to start

a pattern like that.

Look, um, I think that there's

something more involved here

than just the broken leg.

'His records show that he

hasn't done well all semester.'

I know.

You see, for the first time

in Tommy's life

his mother isn't around here

to help him when he's down.

The first time?

Gee, I, uh..

I never thought to ask, um..

I just assumed that Mrs.

Bradford had died some time ago.

No, it wasn't long ago.

We were all hit very hard but..

I think maybe

Tommy was hit the hardest.

He and Joan were very close.

I see, uh..

His mother dies and, uh..

...and it's his first year

in high school

and, and he breaks his leg.

'No wonder he's in a slump.'

It all adds up, doesn't it?

Look, you're in

the teaching business.

What can we do to

turn Tommy around?

Well, uh, from my end, I guess

I just, uh, keep on truckin'

only, uh, now with a little more

patience and understanding.

And what about my end?

Well, you're in

the father business.

I guess, you'll just have to

work some of your

own kind of magic.

Oh, gosh.

I tell you lately my

magic hasn't been so hot.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[clinking]

[dramatic music]

Mm, hold on.

We, uh, we have to

make a list of the furniture

we're gonna need.

Uh, a bed.

A bed. Come on,

would you be serious?

We have to plan a budget.

Ah, who needs a budget.

I can more than

cover everything.

[chuckles]

Uh-uh.

We split everything

down the middle.

I've got some money saved

and I've also got

a part-time lab job at school.

What's the difference

who pays?

The difference is between

being a partner and a mistress.

And, if I'm going

to be a mistress

then I want a yacht

membership in

the country club, a fur coat.

Oh, yes.

I think I get the point..

...partner.

[crickets creaking]

[chuckles]

[sighs]

J-Joannie.

Uh, you startled me.

Heh-he. I wasn't expecting to

find you here.

Uh, why are you here?

Uh, no reason.

No reason.

I just, uh..

I just, uh..

Well, you know, actually

I was wondering how Mary

put up with this dump

for so long, you know?

'I mean, it's awful.'

Awful?

You know, awful is not

the word for this room.

I mean, this room is

downright depressing.

It's no wonder

Mary's moving out.

Oh, I know.

I know.

I mean-I mean, look

it is so cramped in here

and everything.

Look at those curtains.

[scoffs]

Very tacky.

Heh-he.

Really.

Poor exposure to the sun.

And it's a much longer hike to

the bathroom than from our room.

You're right.

And with the stairs right there,

all that foot traffic

'it must get very noisy

in here.'

Definitely the low

rent district.

Oh, why would anybody want to

stay here?

Na.

Tsk.

It's awful.

Downright depressing.

[guitar music]

Well, at least your music

homework is coming along.

Alright, Tommy.

[sighs]

Did you get any

studying done?

I can't concentrate

for more than a couple

of minutes at a time.

Oh.

You have something more

important on your mind?

A few things.

You think about mom?

- Sometimes.

- Me too.

A lot.

Sometimes it gets so bad I..

...can't get my work done.

I just get to thinking

and it's, like

what's the use of anything?

You know, I, uh..

I found a way to

get passed that.

I reach back into

my memories..

...and I pick out

one of a million great moments

that I had with mom

and I just think about that

until I start feeling better.

Maybe it'll work for you.

[women chattering]

[knocking on door]

Come in, come in.

[indistinct chattering]

Nicholas! What're you

doing up?

They woke me up arguing.

- About Mary's room, dad.

- Yeah, dad. Now, who gets it?

- I'm the oldest.

- I'm the loudest.

I'm the smallest.

I'm the sorriest.

- Mary's room is staying as is.

- 'But, dad..'

I don't want to

discuss it anymore.

Go to bed, Nicholas.

Dad, if I make enough money,

can I build my own room?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks, dad.

Goodnight.

Good grief, daddy,

you're not even facing reality.

Mary's not coming back,

you know.

'It's like burying

your head in the sand.'

I just want to bury my head

in this book.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight, daddy.

- Hi, dad.

- Oh, hi. Where are you going?

- To Mary's.

- Oh.

I think you are spending too

much time at Mary's place.

Oh, boy.

I bet if they were married

you wouldn't care

how much time

I spend over there.

You're absolutely right,

young lady.

While you are admiring

Mary's lifestyle

try to remember that both of you

are products of my lifestyle.

Good morning.

Why can't you admit that

Mary has the right to do--

That's enough, Elizabeth.

Let's not play last word.

- Good morning, Mrs. Abbott.

- Hi.

Hi.

Even Mrs. Abbott approves

of what Mary's doing.

- What do I approve of?

- What're you talking about?

She found them their apartment

in her own building.

Is that true?

Well, I-I did mention that there

was a vacancy in my building.

Yeah, I mean..

Well, thanks a lot,

Mrs. Abbott.

Well, what was wrong

with that?

Look, you're in

the teaching business

I'm in the parent business.

Please, try to

remember that.

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Comin' to bed?

No.

Organic chemistry.

Well, uh, wanna try

a little practical lab work?

Listen, gorgeous, I've got to

get at least a B on this exam.

Well, okay.

If you need me, just whistle.

[whistles]

Okay.

Say, what happened

to that report?

What report?

The one you were typing for me,

it's due tomorrow.

Uh, it, Doug, I forgot.

Uh, I'll do it now, okay?

- What about organic chemistry?

- Later.

- I'm sorry, Mary.

- Don't be sorry, it's my fault.

Listen, uh, why don't you

get away from me

before I start

whistling, okay?

[laughing]

Okey-dokey, Joannie,

the kid is set.

Alright.

Heh.

I don't think he's gonna make

enough to build his new room

but, at least,

he cleaned her closets out.

Really?

Hey, hey, hey.

Nicholas, those are

your Sunday clothes.

Yeah, your never-worn

Sunday clothes, kid, huh?

I know, but I think

people rather do business

with a guy in a tie.

- Oh.

- What?

[chuckling]

Well, good luck there,

businessman. Catch you later.

Yeah, make a lot of money, huh.

Okay?

'Don't go too far.'

- Oh, hello, Mrs. Abbott.

- Mr. Bradford.

Listen, I owe you

an apology.

What happened is,

I was upset with Elizabeth

and you happened to

cross our line of fire.

You see, in this family

we sh**t from the hip

and then, we say we're sorry.

I'm beginning to

get that impression.

Eh, so, uh,

could we have a truce..

'Mrs. Abbott?'

On one condition.

We forget the Mrs. Abbott,

Mr. Bradford bit.

See, it, uh,

it makes me uncomfortable.

Oh, me too.

Tom.

Abby. Oh and uh,

just for the record see, I

I mentioned the vacant

apartment because I thought

Doug and Mary were

gonna be married.

- You did?

- I did. I gotta go.

Oh, and, uh, by the way

I understand

Mary's point of view

but, uh, I agree with you.

So, hang in there.

It was here yesterday.

So, was this cheese Danish?

Maybe it got hungry

and ate the report.

Very funny.

[phone ringing]

Mr. Bradford's office.

Hi, Mary.

'Yeah. Oh, yeah, hold on.'

Just one second.

Hello, Mary. How are you?

Friday night for dinner?

Well, I, uh,

let me check my calendar.

Uh-uh, Friday night

I have an interview

at o'clock

'and I-I'm not sure

what time I'll be through.'

Next week?

Gee, next week looks pretty

heavy, Mary, uh..

Well, I'll..

I'll-I'll call you, alright?

Thank you.

Good-bye.

Just don't say

anything, alright?

I wasn't going to

say anything at all.

Good, good.

And, before you don't

say anything

would you get me

a cup of coffee, please?

Certainly.

[brakes screeching]

Hi, Mrs. Abbott.

You like bargains?

Hiya, Nicholas.

I never could resist 'em.

Hey, that's a pretty snappy

suit you are wearing.

Wanna buy it?

Well, I think it's a..

It's a little too small

for me.

- Hey, how much is this?

- A dollar-fifty.

A dollar-fifty.

Well, if you don't want it,

I'll buy it.

Well, okay.

Wait a minute.

Nicholas, where did you

get this blouse?

From Joannie, she says

she doesn't wear it anymore.

- No wonder. It's mine.

- How 'bout a dollar?

Nicholas, you're selling

stolen merchandise.

And I'll throw in a tie.

[laughing]

Fifty cents?

[knocking on door]

Tom?

- Oh, hi.

- Hi.

Tell me, uh,

do you always sit in the dark?

Oh.

No, I..

- Well, saves electricity.

- Oh.

How is Tommy?

Oh, I was, uh,

I was just going up to check.

He's alright, I guess.

Um, with the notable

exception of geometry. Heh.

Tough subject.

Hey, Tom, uh..

I-I don't mean

to pry but, um..

Well, you look like

a man with something

more than

a geometry problem.

You're right.

Mary has invited me

to dinner twice now

and, both times

I came up with weak excuses.

Oh, I see, uh,

you think that, uh

by going over there

you'll be giving her

your seal of approval?

- Is that it?

- Well, wouldn't I?

I'm trying so hard to keep

the door open here for her

but, eh, it doesn't work.

Well, maybe that's what

she's trying to do for you

over there.

Well, I've waded in this far

might as well

go all the way, right?

Look, Tom, uh,

by staying away

you're probably just, uh,

reinforcing her determination to

prove you wrong.

Mary was never short

on determination.

You don't have to approve

of her decision, you know

but, uh, you really do have to

respect her right to make it.

Abby..

Thanks for wading in.

I really mean it.

Sure.

See you later.

I asked you to peel 'em,

not perform radical surgery.

Sorry.

Look, uh, why don't you

go do your homework, okay?

We're partners, remember?

Alright, first we'll do

the housework

and then we do the homework.

I'll tell you what,

why don't I do the laundry?

No, no, no.

Last time you did

the laundry

you shrank my blouse

and bleached out

a print skirt.

- I did that?

- Mm.

[sighs]

I'm really sorry, Mary.

Maybe, subconsciously I just

don't like doing the laundry.

I hate it too, Doug.

Consciously.

But I do it right.

That's hostile.

Why don't you go lay down and

analyze yourself for a while

and let me finish

making dinner. Okay?

Now, that's really hostile.

Well, hostility

begins at home.

Mary, do you realize

what you're doing?

Yes, I'm peeling the potatoes,

that's what I'm doing.

No, you're attacking me

because your father

keeps refusing to

come over here.

Well, why don't you just

give him a chance, Doug?

He's been busy, that's all.

Oh, come on, Mary,

don't be naive.

I mean, he's playing

some sort of game

doin', doin' some kind

of head trip.

He figures that

if he stays away

you'll just come

runnin' home to daddy.

You know something?

I am sick and tired of

your head trips, Doug.

Everything has to be some kind

of Freudian truism to you.

Can't you take

anything at face value?

[dramatic music]

Tom, why is Nicholas

selling your clothes?

Oh, Greg, hi.

What're you doing here?

Look, uh, if things are that

tough, you should come to me.

Uh, listen,

what is this about, Nicholas?

Make it quick though,

I'm in a hurry.

I have to get this

peace offering ready

for Mary and Doug.

Tom, Nicholas just tried to

sell me your duck hunting shirt.

[laughing]

Nicholas tried to sell you

my duck hunting shirt?

I didn't buy it of course.

There's nothing personal,

but I assumed if you got the kid

out selling family clothes,

things might be a little tight.

My duck hunting shirt?

Relax, Tom, he's not going to

sell it so fast.

He's asking a dollar for it.

[knocking on door]

- Dad.

- Hi, Mary.

Elizabeth told me

what time you came home

so, I figured I'd take

a chance, you know.

I'm glad you did. Come in.

These were in the garage,

you know

just nobody was using them,

so, I figured

you could make use of 'em.

Dad, this is mom's

old set of dishes.

She, she hated

to replace these.

Some of them maybe chipped, but

what's the difference right?

- No difference. Thank you.

- Mmm.

Listen, uh,

how 'bout some herb tea?

We're fresh out

of dandelion root.

Herb tea?

Dandelion root?

Whatever happened to good old

fashioned coffee?

I'd even settle

for reheated.

Well, reheated or not,

coffee is expensive.

Oh, yeah, right.

Well, I'll take tea.

Oh, listen,

speaking of money

that's another reason

I came by.

You know, ever since you left

I've been saving all kinds of

money on food

about dollars

a week, so

I put it aside and

I want you to take it. Really.

Dad, no, thank you,

but we're doing fine.

Oh, alright.

Well, we're doing good too.

- Are you?

- Nicholas, oh, he is..

You know what he's doing?

He's selling my clothes.

- What?

- Up and down the street.

- 'Oh, hi.'

- Hi.

Hello.

I see you found us.

Yeah, well, they were

pretty good directions.

Doug, look what

dad brought us.

- Mom's old set of dishes.

- Very nice.

They weren't doing anybody

much good in the garage.

Um, ahem, I'll go make some tea.

Bye.

It's a nice place

you have here, Doug.

How many rooms?

[chuckles]

You're lookin' at it.

Oh, and, of course,

the kitchen and the bathroom.

Oh, well, our first

apartment wasn't much bigger.

- This is nice. Very nice.

- But not like home, huh?

- Well, I-I didn't say that.

- What are you saying?

I-I'm saying, uh,

hello, that's all.

No, you're not.

First, you won't come

around here at all.

And then you come around

trying to tell Mary

that old dishes are

better than none at all.

Boy, you have an answer

for everything, don't you?

Look, why don't you

just let us

work out our

relationship by ourselves.

By coming around

with nostalgic reminders

of what she's left behind

you're only going to

come between us.

Don't you see?

'That's what love is all about.'

'Giving someone

a little space to grow.'

Having a little respect

for their integrity.

Listen, doctor,

I've been in the business

a little longer than you,

so, you can skip the platitudes.

Nobody really knows

what love is

but it sure as hell isn't

a third year med-school subject.

Maybe it's..

Maybe it's

just being scared to death

the first time

your kid drives a car.

Or maybe it's going to

the same old

first grade play

for the eighth time

or, holding your kid tight

when his dog has been run over.

Or maybe it's just

an old set of chipped dishes.

- What's going on?

- I wish I knew.

- Afternoon, Tommy.

- Oh, hi.

Somebody's got to pick up

the middle linebacker.

Hmm?

Unless you leave a back

in to block

the quarterback

is gonna get creamed.

- You know about football?

- Mm-hmm.

My, uh, husband played

a season with the ers

and I had the choice to

either learn about the game

or not understand anything

he was talking about.

- ers, what position?

- Running back.

(Tommy)

'What's his name?'

His name, uh..

His name was Frank Abbott.

Was?

Yeah. He, um..

He became a marine pilot

and was k*lled

in action in Vietnam.

- I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

It's a long time ago.

Do you want me to show you a

play he used to run?

- Sure.

- Okay.

- Mind if I erase this?

- Go ahead.

[chuckling]

- This is called--

- A crossback.

Right. Okay.

Now, the quarterback

fakes to the first back

and hands off

to the second back.

Now, notice these two lines.

They intersect, right?

- Right.

- Hmm, forming, equal angles.

But only if they

run in straight lines.

Yes, well,

that's the point, see

because two intersecting

straight lines

always form equal

and opposite angles.

- That's geometry.

- Yes, well you see..

- Football is applied geometry.

- You know any more plays?

Do you know any more theorems?

[chuckles]

You know, you're pretty sneaky.

Thank you.

Yeah, I, uh, know enough

about construction

to build a addition

to the house.

I rather hire you

than a stranger.

I tell you what..

...you earn enough

for the materials

and I won't charge you

for the labor.

- Is $ enough?

- Uh, that won't quite make it.

I had $,

but dad made me give back

his duck hunting shirt.

You sold dad's

duck hunting shirt?

Yeah, to old man McGuire.

He bought it to

polish his car with.

[chuckles]

Hey. How did it go

with the doctors, Tommy?

The X-ray showed

a perfect mend.

We're gonna have

a party to celebrate.

That's great.

Hey, listen, I'll ask

Doctor Timmons to lend me a saw

and we'll take it off

right at the party.

Uh, Doctor Maxwell, are you sure

you know how to take a cast off?

Does a chicken have lips?

Uh, yeah, sure, I guess.

You weren't supposed to

answer that.

It's a rhetorical question.

- Oh.

- I'll see you later fellas.

- Bye.

- So long.

Uh, Dave..

Uh, chickens do have lips,

don't they?

[chuckles]

Do accordion players

wear pinky rings?

Yeah.

Thirty-one, thirty-two,

thirty-three.

Eighteen dollars

and thirty-three cents.

I'm afraid, we're still

a little short, Nicholas.

Wait.

Here's another quarter.

I'm sorry, champ,

but it's still not enough.

The best we could do is about,

uh, two feet square.

Two feet?

I'll have to sleep standing up.

I'll never get

a room of my own.

Hey, listen, instead of a room,

why not a whole house?

A playhouse, we can use scrap

lumber and--

Oh, boy!

My own house!

I can sleep in it and eat in it

and take all my toys in it.

I'll never have

to come home.

That might get

a little lonely.

If I get lonely,

you can come and sleep over.

Oh.

Well, thank you Nicholas.

Uh, I just might do that.

(Joannie)

'Okay, you pick up all your

toys, right?'

(Joannie)

'Okay, and will you call the

people? I mean, you know--'

(Elizabeth)

'Yeah, I will Joannie,

but who's coming.'

Oh, yeah, okay.

Um, well, there's all of us

and the Maxwells

and Mrs. Abbot, right, dad?

And, Tommy, you want

Danny and Mark here, right?

Yeah.

Right and Susan,

you bringing a date?

Well, I don't know, Joannie.

Does one bring a date to

a cast party?

Oh, very funny, very funny.

Dad, are you gonna

invite Mary and Doug?

Oh, well, I mean,

it's Tommy's party

he can have anybody he wants.

Now, listen, girls, I wanna

go all out for this party.

The sky is the limit.

- Just don't spend over $.

- 'Dad..'

[clamoring]

[indistinct chattering]

Mary and Doug aren't here yet.

Do you think they'll come?

Sure, I mean,

I know Mary wants to come.

Yeah, but, Doug's uptight about

dad, and Mary won't come alone.

Think so?

(Nicholas)

'Tommy's coming!

Tommy's coming!'

Oh, come on everybody,

Tommy's here.

Tommy's coming,

Tommy's coming!

Alright!

[all applauding]

'Yay, Doctor Max.'

[all cheering]

Bravo!

Yay, Doctor Max.

[cheering continues]

- Come on, let's have one.

- Oh.

[all girls scream]

[laughing]

- Oh.

- Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Man, he and David

planned that.

Ah, you stinker!

Oh, you let me at him,

I'm gonna break your other leg.

Hey, hey, hey, cut it out!

Can't you just take a joke?

- You!

- Oh!

- 'Hi.'

- Hi.

- 'Oh, my God!'

- Hi.

- Mary's here.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I'm glad you're here.

- 'Oh, hi, Mary.'

- How you doin'?

- Oh, good.

- Hi, Doug.

- Hi.

- You got your cast off.

- Alright.

- Alright.

- Thank you.

- Alright.

- Hey! Good, I'm really glad.

- Thank you.

- How you doin'? How are you?

- Hi, Mary.

- Hi.

- Hi, Doug.

Hi.

- Good to see you.

- Good to be here.

- Both of you.

- Thanks.

You know, I was telling

someone the other day

we Bradfords are all alike.

We sh**t from the hip,

and then we say we're sorry.

Heh. I think we med students

have the same problem.

Uh, Elizabeth, would you please

take Doug into the kitchen

and make him a drink?

- Sure.

- Come on, yes.

Ah, why don't you

help with the ice?

Ah, can I talk to you

for a bit, please?

Sure.

Daddy, Doug and I

love each other very much.

But, uh, if our relationship

is ever gonna evolve..

Well, we have to just

let it develop.

I know.

I haven't been

any help to you and Doug.

But listen, Mary, I promise to

stay clear of things

until you and Doug

are settled in.

Thank you, daddy,

but, that's not the point.

What I'm tryin' to

tell you is that

when you get really close

to somebody

it's almost like

a mirror.

'You see reflections

of yourself.'

Exactly, and I see reflections

of your mother in you.

I remember when Joan

and I first started out.

The different routines

we had to get used to

trying to figure out which

family to visit at Thanksgiving

which one at Christmas.

So silly.

Seems like the smallest things

cause the biggest arguments.

Daddy, you're not

letting me finish

and you're making it

very hard for me to

salvage any kinda pride.

Pride?

Why, I-I don't get it.

Daddy, Doug and I were up

most of last night talking

and we realized that

we might be good for each other

but we're just not ready to

be that close yet.

We've gotta get to

know ourselves

before we can share

that self with somebody else.

Do you understand

what I'm trying to tell you?

Yeah.

And, even though you said it

for different reasons

you were still right.

We weren't being

fair to ourselves.

Mary, you don't have to

tell me--

Daddy, please!

That's why Doug and I have

decided to give up the apartment

and try living

apart for a while.

Oh, you mean sort of

a trial separation?

Yeah.

Why don't we just call

the trial marriage a mistrial.

And would you help me

with my bags?

- I left 'em in the car.

- Mary..

Daddy, please don't say

anything right now.

No, no, I-I was

just gonna volunteer David

to help carry the bags.

He's-he's much

younger than I am.

Oh, daddy, you're not

that old, you big faker.

- Welcome home.

- Thank you.

Well, thank you

for the football plays.

Sure, just, uh, don't

let your geometry teacher

know the secret.

Oh, no way she'd have a fit.

She thinks geometry

is some sorta religion.

Yeah, well,

you think football is.

[clearing throat]

Uh, dad, I think

Mrs. Abbot's ready to leave.

Oh, alright,

I'll walk her to the car.

You know, dad, I don't think

any of us would object

if you asked her

out sometime.

Oh, you wouldn't, now?

Listen when I need your help

regarding my social life,

I'll ask for it.

[chuckles]

Hey, Tom, I gotta go.

Um, but I just wanna tell you

it was great getting to

know you and the whole family.

You can come around any time,

Mrs. Abbot.

- Ah..

- Sure.

- I'll walk you to the car.

- Okay.

- Bye-bye.

- Good-bye.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Bye-bye.

- Bye, dad.

[giggling]

Come on.

Let me see.

[giggling]

What's happening?

Dad's asking

Mrs. Abbot for a date.

Alright.

Ew, oh, I can't believe it,

look, it's like..

it's like the airport

scene from Casablanca.

[giggling]

- Uh, how's Bogie doing?

- Very badly.

Here's looking at you,

sweetheart.

- Well?

- Well?

- Well--

- Did you ask her out?

- Well, what?

- Did you ask her out?

I don't see that

that's any of your business.

Come on, daddy, tell us.

Oh! Alright, I asked her out

to dinner tonight, okay?

- Not too shabby.

- Way to go, daddy.

Hey, the dame's

got class, huh?

What restaurant did you

ask her out to?

You're gonna spring

for the big bucks?

She already had a date,

alright?

Well, didn't you ask to

ask her out for another night?

She's just playing hard to get.

Hey! Play it again, Tom.

[all laughing]

You're like

a bunch of little bugs!

Ooh!

[all laughing]

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Who is it?

(both)

'Susan and Joannie.'

Can't you read?

No girls allowed.

- 'Ah, come on, Nicholas.'

- 'Ah!'

(Joannie)

'We're not girls,

we're your sisters.'

- 'Yeah.'

- 'Okay, come on in.

Fooled you, girls!

[giggling]

Hey, Nicky,

this is far out, uh!

- A kitchen and a bedroom.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- The lived-in look.

- Yeah.

Check it out.

Gum wrappers on the floor.

You and David really

fixed this place up.

(Joannie)

You know, we could do a..

...do a spread on him

in the Sunday Supplement.

The perfect prepubescent

bachelor pad.

- Ooh-la-la!

- Ooh-la-la!

Ooh-la-la!

- Hey, Nicky, where you goin'?

- To get some privacy.

[sighing]

- Let's go get him.

- Alright.

- 'Hey, Nicky..'

- Nicholas.

(Susan)

'Nicky.'

[instrumental music]

[indistinct shouting]

[theme music]