02x04 - Double Trouble

[bunniefuu]

Tommy, how come

Mrs. Abbott doesn't come

around the house anymore?

Well, she decided to cool it

with dad for a little while.

How come?

It's complicated,

Nicholas. Move.

I'm eight, I can understand

complicated things.

Nicholas, women are weird,

that's all. Now move!

Mrs. Abbott, isn't weird.

She's nice.

- All women are weird.

- What about Mary?

Completely bonkers.

And Johnny and Susan and Nancy?

Nuttier than fruit cakes.

Now, would you move!

Even Elizabeth?

We can send her away

tomorrow in a straitjacket

but we feel sorry for her

because she's our sister.

- 'Now move!'

- What about Wendy Springer?

You know, that picture

under your pillow.

Nicholas, quit stalling

and move.

One, two, three, four,

five six, seven.

Bingo! Boardwalk with

a hotel.

That makes two thousand

smackers, fork it over.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Finals!

[music continues]

(Tom)

'Oh! Hi, Abby, I just happened

to be in the neighborhood'

'so I thought I'd drop by.'

A cup of coffee?

Sure, I'd love to.

I'd love to.

I'd...I'd love to.

I'd love to.

'Cup, cup of coffee. Cup of

coffee? I'd love too.'

'A cup of coffee?

I'd love too.'

Hi, kiddo! What's happenin'?

- Weird things.

- Oh, yeah! Like what?

Well, Nancy is walkin' around

with a book on her head.

And dad's talkin' to himself.

Ah! Dad's been talkin'

to himself for years.

But Nancy? Better check

this one out.

Could be serious.

Let you know if we need

an ambulance, okay?

- Okay.

- Pop! See ya.

- 'Hello.'

- Hi.

Catching up on

your reading?

What's with the book, Nance?

Nothing.

Come on, Nance, I don't

work for the CIA.

What's with the book?

Susan, would you mind

leaving me alone.

- I wanna get dressed.

- Where you going?

- Nowhere.

- Hm.

Pretty classy outfit

for going nowhere. Hm.

That's right, and that's

where you're going.

Bye!

'Bye..'

Whoo-hoo!

- Pretty snazzy outfit!

- Oh, Thank you.

- Oh, where you going?

- Uh, nowhere.

- Oh, you oughta wait for Nancy.

- Nancy, why?

Yeah! Well, she's goin' nowhere

too, you could give her a lift.

- Tom.

- Hi.

Hi.

I was just in

the neighborhood, so..

You thought you'd just

drop in, huh?

Yeah.

I thought we had

an understanding.

Maybe what we had

was a misunderstanding.

I don't think so.

Why don't we go for coffee,

we could talk about it.

Look, Tom, see you have eight

children, and I'm just not sure

that I'm prepared to share

you with them.

And-and that's all

there is to it.

It is more than that.

[sighs]

Oh, of course there's

more than that.

Abby, the...kids miss

you, you know.

Oh, I, I miss them, too.

Alright, if you change

your mind.

You'll be the first

to know, I promise.

Alright.

Goodnight, Abby.

Hey, Tom.

Tell the kids

I said hi, okay?

Sure.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Pie a la mode,

with chocolate sauce?

Yeah. I mean, the piece

is this big!

It-it, one bite,

one pound, easy.

Huh, he was acting really weird

earlier this evening.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

All I did was ask him

where he was going

and he acted like it was

some kinda state secret.

What do you think

is wrong with him?

- Menopause.

- Mary, come on!

This is serious.

I think dad's

really depressed.

And he always overeats

when he's feelin' down.

I bet you it's Abby.

'I bet you you're right.'

Well, what are we gonna do?

(Mary)

'Nothing.'

Look, people have

the inalienable right

to be depressed if

they wanna be, huh?

- Depressed, maybe, but fat?

- She's right.

I mean, it's really not

healthy for a man his age

to be overweight.

Thank you, doctor.

It also happens not

to be healthy

for a man's daughters

to meddle in his love life.

'M-Mary, look it's not..'

There's a difference

between meddling

a-and constructively

helping someone in need.

I vote for meddling.

You would.

Look, whatever this

charitable committee

of do-gooders decides

count me out.

Hey, scratch one.

So, you guys, what are

we gonna do, okay?

Keep fattening foods

out of the house.

Go see Abby.

Find him another woman.

- Oh!

- Oh! Elizabeth, gee!

Why not? It's either that

or fat, right?

Yeah, and suppose Abby

finds out about it.

And what if Abby

gets jealous?

Pretty sneaky.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

It's terrible.

But effective.

[laughing]

It never fails.

[instrumental music]

Alright, who did that?

This place is a zoo,

you can't even eat breakfast

without gettin'

att*cked around here!

att*cked?

Nicholas, you see anybody

attack that girl?

What girl?

You must be imagining

things, Elizabeth.

You guys!

Guys, I have an announcement

to make.

[clanking]

'Alright, attention,

you animals!'

Nancy, has an announcement

to make.

I'm a finalist for

the Miss Sacramento contest.

[all cheering]

Why didn't you tell us before?

Well, I wanted to wait

and make sure.

And last night was

the qualifying round.

- Alright!

- Oh, that's so good!

(Susan)

'That's good, Nancy.

Congratulations.'

That's great.

So when's the big night?

A week from Saturday.

- I'll try to keep it open.

- Oh, thanks, Tommy.

Dad, Nancy's been chosen

as a finalist

in the Miss Sacramento contest.

Oh, that's nice.

Good luck, Nancy.

I have to hurry,

I'm late.

Well, he could've

been more excited.

Oh, he's on the rebound.

Abby shot him down.

But we decided last night

to fix him up

with someone else

to make her jealous.

You decided.

I decided to leave

him alone remember?

Yeah, yeah,

but you were outvoted.

Nancy, can you think of

someone to set him up with.

Oh, I don't know.

Um, how about the woman

at the reference desk

at the library?

Are you kidding?

What a dog!

I know somebody.

I know, I know,

the legal secretary

th-that one that's

a friend of Daisy's.

Ah! She's too old.

I know somebody.

Stop interrupting, Nicholas.

This is serious.

Come on, we must

know someone.

I got it, Raquel Welch.

- Oh, Tommy!

- Come on!

Well, why not? Maybe she goes

for the lived-in look.

(Elizabeth)

'Ho-ho, that's funny!'

I mean, uh, three weeks

without a date.

That's a long time between

drinks my friend.

You sure this laundromat

routine works?

Hey, it never fails.

You see, there's something

about a woman that

can't help responding

to a helpless man

trying to cope

with a domestic chore.

'It's pure, unadulterated

maternal instinct.'

So all you do is

go in and pretend

you don't know

what you're doing?

'Right! You just stare

at the machines.'

Or you fiddle with

the temperature controls

or...you agonize over

the choice of detergents.

I don't know, Carl.

It sounds pretty hokey.

'Oh, it is!'

Hey, but believe me,

it's better than

those single's bars.

It's cheaper.

Besides that there's

enough light

you can see what you're getting.

Clean laundry.

Oh, boy.

- Oh!

- Aw!.

- Move, Nancy!

- Mary..

Baton twirling

is not a martial art!

I know, but I can't do it!

I-I can't do it.

You can't do it.

Dinner's ready!

What am I gonna do? I need

an act for my talent contest.

- I got an idea.

- What?

Pickin' up guys!

You're a pro at that.

- Tommy..

- Dinner's ready!

Okay.

Hey, dad, are you

sure you wanna

second helping of

mashed potatoes?

- Yes, I'm sure.

- Come on, you've had enough.

Ah, Nancy, how's your

talent act coming?

- Well, it's awful.

- Oh, don't get discouraged.

I'm sure you'll

come up with something.

Yeah, like what?

[telephone ringing]

Hello.

Nicholas?

Oh, tell her to call back.

He isn't here.

[indistinct chatter]

Would you guys please

be quite, I can't hear?

Thank you, Mrs. Manning,

that's very kind of you.

- Bye-bye.

- Is he alright?

He's fine. He's fine,

he's having dinner

at a friend,

Peter Manning's house

and Mrs. Manning will bring

him home right after dinner.

What I wanna know

is how it could be

ten minutes into the dinner

and nobody noticed

that he wasn't here?

He's small.

He's quiet.

Strange.

What's strange?

Nicholas loves

mashed potatoes.

So do you.

Dad!

It would be a sin

to let it go to waste.

[all giggling]

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Mr. Bradford?

Hello.

- I'm Ellen Manning.

- Hi, dad.

Oh..

Oh, yes, yes.

You're Nicholas' little friend's

uh, mother.

Hi, dad.

Don't interrupt, Nicholas.

Actually, I didn't

know that

Nicholas and Peter

were friends

until I, well, sort of found

him at my dinner table.

(Tom)

'Ah-ha-ha. Yeah.'

Well, then won't you come in?

Well, I just have a minute.

Ah, I left Peter

with some neighbors.

Oh, Nicholas, uh,

go eat your dinner.

But, dad!

Nicholas.

- Come in the living room.

- Thank you.

[instrumental music]

Nicholas, did you..

I mean, di-did you do that

on purpose?

Yeah, they were

having spinach.

Yuck!

You mean, you set up

this whole thing

so that dad could

meet Mrs. Manning?

Yeah, you guys gotta start

taking me more seriously.

Yeah!

[instrumental music]

Hey! Who said the kid didn't

know anything about women!

Hey, she isn't

married, is she?

Uh, Peter said they

were divorced.

Too bad.

Terrible.

Do I have to eat

dinner again?

[instrumental music]

No!

Good going, kid.

A dollar says that

they're Tom and Ellen

by the time she leaves.

Okay. You're on.

(Tom)

'Well, it was nice

chatting with you.'

(Ellen)

'Yes, it was.'

Oh, and listen, I really

appreciate you taking

Nicholas over to your house

and feeding him and all that.

Oh, no problem. He was

a perfect gentleman.

Aw, thanks.

Well, I, uh..

...I hope I'll be seeing

you again, Mrs. Manning.

(Ellen)

'Well, that would be

nice, Mr. Bradford.'

Oh, listen, how about

calling me Tom.

Sure.

I'm Ellen.

Oh, good.

I'll, uh, walk you

to your car, huh.

'Thank you.'

[instrumental music]

Way to go, Tom.

- It's gonna be nice.

- Thanks.

Just hope the waist

isn't gonna be too tight.

No.

Nance, can I ask

you a question?

Sure. What's on your mind?

Why did you decide to enter

this contest, Nancy?

Why not?

'What I mean is..'

...is that a beauty pageant

isn't anything more

than a, a high-class

girly show.

It exploits men's fantasies

of, of the perfect woman.

Pert, pretty..

...plastic.

For some men...maybe.

But, Mary, for once

I'd like to have

something that's just mine.

Something special.

'You're gonna be a doctor.'

Joannie acts, Susan swims

and plays tennis like a pro

'Elizabeth is

studying ballet.'

I'm tired of being

the family joke.

'The one who's trying

to find herself.'

Do you understand

what I'm saying?

Yeah.

It's hard being a someone

in this family.

Aw, Nancy, you are a someone.

Honey, you're gonna

knock 'em dead.

- Thanks, Mary.

- I'll see ya.

[knocking on door]

Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Well, come-come in.

Oh, thanks.

- 'Good morning.'

- Sit down, sit down.

Um. Oh, thank you.

Well, Abby, we were just,

uh, in the neighborhood

you know, and we were, uh,

we were thinkin' about you.

Thought we'd...stop by

and say hi.

Well, uh, my neighborhood seems

to be really popular lately.

So, um, how you doin'?

I'm good. How you doin'?

Good. Good.

Well...are you

keeping busy?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I've been very busy.

Look, uh, cards

on the table, okay?

'Number one'

your father and I

are just good friends

and number two

I would like to remain good

friends with you all, too

'but it's gonna be rough if,

uh, you get involved in this.'

And number three, see,

I was supposed to be

some place five minutes ago.

- So, uh..

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, we understand, um..

...just came by to say hi.

I, I really appreciate it

and, um...well, we'll

take a rain check, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

Umm, could we..

...use your phone

before we go?

Oh, sure, sure,

help yourself.

But just remember to pull

the door too, okay?

- Okay.

- Bye.

Bye, Abby..

Bye.

[sighs]

Come on.

I don't believe this.

You're taking laundry

out of the house?

Uh-huh. You see, Mary,

I've been feeling very guilty

about using this house

as a laundromat.

So I've decided to pay

everyone back by

doing an enormous laundry

for the whole family.

Here, David, that's

all we've got.

Oh! That's fine,

Elizabeth, thanks.

Sure.

You mean, you're takin' all

of this to the laundromat?

You know, the place

where they put

the little coins

in the little slot.

It would hardly be

an act of altruism

if I used your machine,

would it?

He's flipping out.

- This I gotta see.

- Shh! Not so loud.

Oh, we do have a dollar

on this, right?

And what if we

strike pay dirt?

Well, then you and the laundry

take the bus home.

This is merely for

future reference.

You know, this is worse

than driver's ed.

I mean, you may

not get a license

but at least you

get to practice.

Well, you wouldn't know

what to do with it anyway.

Here, you might as well,

work for your education.

Girls, I really appreciate

what you're doing.

It was too late for

Mrs. Manning to get

babysitters on such

short notice.

No, don't mention it, dad.

Besides, it's not really

like babysitting.

After all, Peter and Nicholas

will run off and play

by themselves.

(Susan)

'Hey, don't worry

about a thing.'

Uh, just have

a good time.

[doorbell rings]

[instrumental music]

What are you smiling like

that for, Mr. Bradford?

Peter, where is your mother?

She's comin'. She's puttin'

all that goop on her face.

Hey, Nicholas!

[music continues]

It's nice here.

Oh, yeah.

You know, a lot of people think

this is old-fashioned.

But I like it, I really do.

I mean, there's not

a lot of noise

and there's enough light

so that you can see

what you're eating.

And the prices,

they are reasonable.

And they got good salads, too,

which is great for somebody

who's trying to watch

their weight.

- Oh, you too.

- Mm-hm.

You see, when you

own a dress shop

you have to project

this slim image.

So that all your

customers feel slimmer

and they buy more.

You know you're a very

independent woman.

And you like independent women

as long as they stay women?

Yeah, how do you know

I was gonna say that?

- Mm, feminine intuition.

- Huh.

Listen, would you be interest..

Hm...no, you wouldn't.

What? Try me.

Alright, okay.

Uh...I thought that

maybe after dinner

we could, uh..

...oh, gosh, this

is embarrassing.

How do I put it?

I mean, nothing wrong.

I mean, i-it's just..

Alright, I'll tell you,

you ready?

I have this secret weakness

for Disney movies.

And there's one

playing right now

at the Orpheum Theatre.

I wouldn't want this

to get around

but, uh, I happen to be

a closet Disney fan myself.

Now, don't tell anybody.

Oh, it's a deal!

- It's a deal.

- Okay.

(David)

'What temperature do we use?'

(Tommy)

'Beats me.'

(David)

'Alright, guess we

just, uh, throw

'everything together, right?'

Uh, no, I think

we're supposed

to separate this stuff.

Oh, yeah. Uh, yeah,

but, uh, what goes where?

(Tommy)

'Uh...oh, I, I got an idea!'

Let's put the black socks

with the table linens.

Good idea!

[washing machines whirring]

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Abby!

Oh! What a nice surprise.

Come in.

Susan!

Guess who's here?

Hi.

Joannie, you left your

purse at my apartment.

Oh! That was really

careless of me.

I'm sorry you had to come

all the way over here.

It's okay. I just, uh, happen

to be in the neighborhood.

(Susan)

'How about a cup of coffee?'

Oh, no. I, I couldn't.

It's alright.

He's not here.

- He's out.

- On a date.

(Joannie)

'Yeah.'

It's y-you know, it's so good

that, that he's dating again.

- Practically, every night.

- I'm glad.

- You are?

- 'Sure, Susan.'

I mean, um, your dad's

really a good man

and, uh, well,

he should be dating.

Hey, Joannie, uh, the purse bit

was a little bit transparent.

And, uh, well, the truth is

I really don't wanna hear

about your dad's love life.

I'll see you.

Yeah, well, uh,

thanks, man.

Yeah, we got it all

down pat. Thanks.

Yeah, well, that was

just terrific.

Yeah, alright, wise guy.

So we blew it.

At least we learned

something, right?

Oh, yeah.

"First you put the delicate

stuff over there."

"And no starch."

[laughing]

Come on.

[chuckling]

[thudding]

Whose turn is it this time?

Yours. I went up

the last time.

Besides, I think

they're in your room.

Our room?

Oh, no!

[thudding]

Nicholas, Peter,

get out of my room!

Watch out, we're in the middle

of a blizzard!

Oh!

'Oh, no.'

[instrumental music]

(Nancy)

'It was the pattern that I made'

'for my beauty pageant dress,

dad.'

Well, I'm sure it can be put

back together again, can it?

I'm afraid not, Tom.

This thing's a disaster.

Nancy, I'm really

sorry about this.

Sometimes Peter gets

just carried away.

- It's okay.

- No, it's not okay.

Let me tell you what

I want you to do.

First thing tomorrow morning

I want you to come down

to my dress shop

and let me fix you up

with a dress on the house.

No, Ellen, I couldn't.

Really, please.

It would make me feel

a lot better.

Okay. Thanks.

- Tom, I have to go.

- Yeah, sure.

I'll walk you down

to the car.

(Ellen)

Okay.

[instrumental music]

- Hey, dad.

- Hey!

- Hi, dad.

- How are you?

How was your evening?

Very nice.

The Penguin Room?

Yes, as a matter of fact,

and she loved it.

I suppose she

loves Disney, too.

Yes, she did.

And you know what?

I can think of

at least one woman

that could take a lesson

from this lady.

[instrumental music]

The Penguin Room and Disney?

Oh! It looks like

we created a monster.

We created nothing.

Ellen comes with one.

I mean, what would happen if--

Don't even mention it.

Oh, Susan! Abby wasn't the least

bit jealous, was she?

No.

[sighs]

I think we blew it.

I'll say we blew it.

[instrumental music]

- Nancy!

- What?

Unless you stand still

your hem is gonna

walk with a limp.

Oh, sorry, Ellen. I guess

I'm just kind of nervous.

Are you kidding?

Poured into one of

my slinkiest items?

- Take a look at this.

- Alright.

Oh, Ellen, it's beautiful.

Now, picture yourself

up there on that stage.

- All those lights on, huh?

- Mm-hm.

Everything in its place.

Make-up, perfect.

A vision of loveliness.

[sighs]

No.

More like a vision of boring.

Oh, not the dress, me.

You see, everyone has

to have a routine.

- Mm-hm.

- To show how talented they are.

Well, I'm gonna show

how talented I'm not.

Oh, come on.

Don't put yourself down.

Don't you have any hobbies?

Well, the closest thing

I ever had as a hobby

was cheerleading

in high school.

I tried a baton

twirling routine

and I almost totaled

out my sister.

Well, I wouldn't

worry about it.

If you put the problem before

that oversized family of yours

I'm sure somebody will

come up with something.

They already have.

Well, what's the problem?

It's nothing I'd

wanna do in public.

No. Heh, heh.

You know, just try

to get it right.

Keep your back straight.

Back straight. Yeah.

And keep your

smile brights.

Okay, alright.

Alright!

Contestant number one!

What is your favorite book?

"The Bible."

What happened to

"Valley Of The Dolls?"

Shh! "The Bible"

sounds better.

Okay, contestant number one.

What do you want

to do professionally

uh, when you grow up?

I wanna be a doctor.

It sounds noble but I think

it's gonna be threatening

to the male judges.

Really? I thought

it was kinda good.

- No.

- Well, what about a nurse?

There's nothin' threatening

about being a nurse, is there?

- No, it's great.

- Okay, then a nurse.

- Okay, contestant number one.

- Alright.

What is your favorite color?

Uh...red.

White and blue!

- Uh!

- I'm gonna step on your head!

Do you wanna try out, huh?

'Abby, I really didn't mean

to get you involved like this.'

I mean you've already done

enough lending me these curlers.

It's okay. That's okay.

See, between the two of us

we're gonna lick this

talent contest thing of yours.

Yeah, but the question

is how...and when.

Yeah, well, you shoulda

come to me sooner see.

But-but, that's okay,

that's okay.

See, we can't let that

get us discouraged.

Uh, means we just have

to concentrate a little harder

because everybody has a

talent for something, see.

- I've got it.

- What?

This is gonna make

a great routine.

What?

Oh, tell me!

'On you mark.

Get set, go.'

[martial music over tape]

[music continues]

Finished!

Forty five seconds.

- That was terrific.

- Yeah?

Only now, you can do it again

and just slow it down.

I mean, try it more,

with more of a smile, you know.

'Remember you have

to be congenial.'

Congenial?

Congenial is always having

to say you're sorry.

Right.

Abby, you'll be there,

won't you?

Hm. I don't think I should.

I don't wanna make it

uncomfortable for your father.

'Oh, come on.'

It's in the Rotary

Banquet Hall.

That's an awfully big place.

I mean, it isn't like

you're gonna

meet dad and Ellen..

...somewhere.

I mean...what I mean

is dad wouldn't mind.

Let me think about it, okay.

Okay. You wanna try it

one more time?

- From the top!

- Alright.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

Oh, well, I'm afraid I'm just

gonna have to trump this one.

Oh-ho! Bid unmade.

Well, if it hadn't been for that

lousy heart distribution.

And the lousy finesse

by my learned partner.

Uh, this is the point where

we usually start arguing.

I see.

So to, uh, keep up appearances

and not embarrass our guests

I think, I'll just, uh..

...finesse myself into

the kitchen for coffee.

I'll give you a hand.

Hey, you have got yourself

a winner there, old buddy.

Oh, yeah, she is a pretty fair

bridge player, alright.

That's not the half of it!

I mean, she is a

terrific lady.

Did you notice?

She doesn't overbid the hand

the way Abby did.

She did not talk

during the game.

She doesn't go out of

her way to disagree.

Yeah. I know.

You know, Max

there's something about

that woman that worries me.

What's to worry about?

Absolutely nothing.

That's what worries me.

You are a very fortunate man.

- Be happy!

- Oh, I'm happy, alright.

I just worry

when I'm happy.

[car approaches]

Elizabeth, what are

you doing here?

Uh, I'm a prisoner of w*r.

They locked me out an hour ago.

But you're supposed to be

in charge of the boys.

Okay, so you don't have to pay

me for the last hour then.

- I'm sorry, Ellen.

- It's alright.

- Nicholas, let me in!

- Boys!

(Nicholas)

'What's the password?'

Elizabeth, what's

the password?

Dad, if I knew the password

why would I be

sittin' out here.

Hi, dad.

Guess what?

Oh, it's too late

and I'm too tired

to play questions.

I went to see Abby tonight.

- She solved my talent problem.

- Oh, that's great, Nancy.

Okay, Nicholas, get upstairs

and get to sleep.

- But I already am asleep.

- Oh, come on.

Dad! I really

owe Abby a lot.

That's nice.

How was your date?

Oh, we had a wonderful time.

Thank you.

- That's more than I had.

- What happened?

I don't wanna hear it

for the second time.

If you'll excuse me

I'm going to go to bed.

Goodnight.

Alright, what happened?

Have you ever been held

as a prisoner of w*r

by two eight year olds?

- Huh?

- Forget it.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Coming.

Mornin', dad.

What gets you up so bright

and early on a Saturday?

Socks.

Oh. Come on in.

Right over here.

Well, I don't know if

you got what you want.

But I must say that these

whites are whiter than ever.

Well, when it comes to laundry

I really know my women.

How's your woman?

Huh? She's not my woman.

She never was.

She accused me of not having

enough time for her.

'Heh, I mean that's a joke.'

If I don't have

enough time for her

then how come I have all

this time to think about it.

I tell you sometimes that

Abby is a real hard case.

I meant how's Ellen.

Huh? Ellen.

Oh, Ellen. Oh, yes,

she's fine, just fine.

Well, that's good to know.

Yes, she's a wond..

She's a wonder..

That's the most wonderful women

I ever met in my life.

I mean, i-it's a pleasure

to be around her.

She's kind and generous.

She plays a wonderful

game of bridge.

Unlike someone else we know?

Exactly.

I tell you, do you know,

I don't know how I lasted

as long as I did with Abby.

You don't know what

she was really like.

We used to argue half

the time we were together.

She was stubborn,

opinionated, unpredictable.

If I say something's white,

she says it's black.

I say, alright, you're

right it is black

she says, "No, it's white."

I mean, it had to end!

[instrumental music]

It's hard giving up someone

you like, isn't it?

It's impossible.

Listen, dad, when

push comes to shove

you can always try hangin'

out in laundromats.

Never fails.

[instrumental music]

Pretty snappy.

Oh, yeah? I'm glad

you like it.

I'm taking Ellen

to the theatre.

You don't know where

Nicholas is, do you?

He's in the sun porch.

- Oh, thanks.

- Have a good time.

Nicholas.

'Over here.'

Oh! Hey. Hi there, champ.

What are you doing?

Thinking.

Oh! Well, why are you

thinking in the corner?

Because there's nothin' else

to do in the corner.

Hm. That makes sense.

Wouldn't you rather be doing

something with Peter?

No.

But we've got a professional

babysitter this time.

I still don't wanna go.

Nicholas, look, Ellen

and I are going out

and we've got it all planned.

That's what you planned.

The only thing I ever planned

was for you to meet Peter's mom.

Oh, I see.

You didn't want a new friend

thrown in the bargain.

Nope. Do I still have to go?

No, not if you

don't want to.

Thanks.

I'm done thinking now.

[instrumental music]

I know it was my idea

but I really didn't expect

it to be that bad.

Well, no. We shouldn't

be too critical.

Actually, the sets were

clever, costumes were cute.

For a road company, some of the

performances were pretty good.

Well, all the parts were there,

so how come it doesn't work?

Maybe they tried too hard.

Or maybe, uh

everything was

just too perfect.

I really don't know.

[instrumental music]

Okay, everybody,

you ready?

Drum-roll maestro, please.

Here she comes,

Miss Sacramento herself!

[all cheering]

(Susan)

'Nancy, you're beautiful!'

Alright!

Good luck, Nancy.

- I'll be rooting for you.

- I'm gonna need it, daddy.

I know I've been kind of

preoccupied the last few days

but with me, you've

always been a winner.

Thank you, daddy.

I'll never forget this

moment as long as I live.

You're just goin' across

town not to the moon.

[indistinct chattering]

- Come on!

- Okay! Alright!

One small step for man

(both)

one giant step for mankind!

- Right!

- Let's go win.

(David)

'Relax. You look perfect.'

(Nancy)

'I just wish Abby could

see how I turned out.'

- 'Abby's not coming?'

- 'No.'

(David)

'I think we have time

for a detour.'

[tires screeching]

[instrumental music]

[knocking on the door]

Who is it?

(Nancy)

'Nancy and David.'

- Hey! How you doin'?

- Hi!

Oh! You look..

Nancy, you look beautiful!

Do you really think so, Abby?

I think you are, um..

...a definite contender.

Thank you.

Abby, I really wish

you'd come tonight.

Oh, Nancy, look, uh,

we've been over all this.

See and, uh..

Well, y-your dad and I--

My dad is not asking you.

I did.

Hey, look, we're

friends, right?

Yeah, of course we're friends.

Sure, we're friends.

Well, no matter what happened

between you and my dad.

I don't think that should have

to effect our relationship.

Come on. What do you

say, friend?

I say, um..

...let me think about it.

(Nancy)

'Okay.'

But in the meantime,

you gotta get there

and, uh, you gotta knock

'em dead too, okay.

I will.

And make sure she gets

there alright, alright?

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Good luck.

- 'Thanks.'

[instrumental music]

[all clapping]

[music continues]

Oh! How about that?

Let's hear it for the band

ladies and gentlemen!

[applauding]

Thank you!

And now, here are our

five lovely finalists!

Miss Deidre Murphy!

'Come on out here, honey!'

[all cheering]

[instrumental music]

Finalist number two!

Miss Mary Lou Foster!

Where is she?

Come on out, Mary Lou!

[all cheering]

[music continues]

Finalist number three!

Miss Tina Johnson!

[all cheering]

[all cheering]

A lovely young lady

if ever I saw one!

Thank you, darling.

Finalist number four!

Rose Sez...Ss..

[giggling]

'Ser-Sez-Sewool..'

Sowalzki! Rose Sowalzki,

ladies and gentlemen!

[music continues]

'And a lovely long-stemmed rose,

if ever I saw one!'

[all applauding]

'Alright, hold it down, fellas!'

And last but not least.

Are you wondering who our last

and final lucky lady is?

(all)

'Yeah!'

I bet you think

it's your sister?

(in unison)

Yeah!

'Or your daughter?'

Yeah!

Well, let's see

if you're right!

[drumroll]

And here she is!

The fifth and last

finalist herself

Miss Nancy Bradford!

Let's hear it for her!

[all cheering]

Here she is,

ladies and gentlemen!

[instrumental music]

Thank you! Thank you

very much, folks!

Now, hold it down, folks!

The judges have to make

their final decision.

So while they're casting

their final vote

it's intermission time!

[instrumental music]

[crowd chattering]

Penny for your thoughts.

Oh, what a beautiful night.

I was just thinking

about Nancy.

I hope everything works

out alright for her.

Well, out of all

those girls

only one of them

is gonna win.

And you know what?

Sometimes losing turns out

to be the best thing.

You'd be hard-pressed

to convince Nancy of that.

Well, I'm not trying

to convince Nancy, Tom.

I think we said it

last night at the theatre.

Things are just too perfect.

All the parts are

there but, uh..

...just doesn't work.

We tried too hard.

Maybe. I really enjoy

your company, Tom.

We're great bridge partners.

We can sit and agree

on how to solve

all the world's problems.

But there's just no, uh..

...spark.

'No chemistry.'

I guess we're just not

right for each other.

Well, there's still one

good thing about us.

What's that?

We still agree.

You're a very wise..

..and wonderful woman

Why, thank you

very much, sir.

[instrumental music]

Well, here it is, folks!

The big moment you've

all been waiting for!

We polled the judges!

And the winner is..

[drumroll]

...Mary Lou Foster!

[audience applauding]

[instrumental music]

She seems to be taking it

better than I thought.

Good sportsmanship seems

to be in vogue this evening.

I think I'll go backstage

and, uh, console her.

Yeah. Come on, let's all

go backstage, guys.

Come on.

Uh, wait a minute. Where do

you think you're going?

Backstage. I think I recognize

one of the blondes.

You know, you'll never learn?

Wanna make some bet?

Anytime.

- This I gotta see.

- Me too!

- Hi.

- Oh, hi!

Uh, don't tell me, I know.

You just happened to be

in the neighborhood.

And I thought that

I'd just drop in.

[chuckles]

Yeah, well,

I'm glad you did.

Shame about Nancy.

- Hi, daddy.

- Oh, Nancy! I'm so sorry!

Hey. It was a trip!

Oh! Oh, look, the-they

don't know each other.

Ah, ah, Ellen, this is Abby.

'Abby, Ellen.'

Hello, Ellen.

- It's nice to meet you.

- Hello, Abby.

Tom, uh, could I have

the keys to the car?

I'd like to take Nancy out for

a consolation fudge sundae.

Oh, sure. That's great!

Uh, Nancy, be sure to tell

David though to drive me home.

Well, David's already

left, he said had

to pay back a debt

with Tommy.

What? Well, how am

I gonna get...home?

I think you'll

find a ride.

Hm. Wonder what

she means by that?

Lady...going my way?

Maybe.

[both chuckle]

[instrumental music]

Well, she seemed, uh..

...she seemed very nice.

Yeah, yeah. She was nice

and it's too bad too.

- Why?

- Oh, I don't know.

She's just so nice that she

use to make me a nervous wreck.

I mean, she never

lost her temper.

Never overbid at bridge.

There was no, ah..

...how do you say,

fire between us.

It was just...warm.

[hissing]

Listen, I have an idea.

What do you say we go,

uh, for a nightcap?

That's good.

I'd like to.

Alright. I think I can

get reservations

at the Penguin Room.

The Penguin Room? The Penguin

Room is like a morgue.

Let's go some place fun, you

know, l-like the Marimba Lounge.

Oh, come on, Abby. Don't start..

I can't stand that place!

It gives me a migraine, all

those noisy people with their

La Cucarachas. Now,

come on, give me a break!

Tom, we always go

where you wanna go.

Just once, just once I'd

like to go where I wanna go.

Alright, Abby. I don't

wanna argue with you.

We'll go where you wanna go.

Give me the keys to your car.

Oh, no, no, you're not

driving my car again

until you have at least

one more lesson.

I am not gonna be chauffeured

around like Nicholas

to a birthday party,

now give me the keys!

No, Tom, you're not

driving my car!

- Abby!

- Tom!

- Abby!

- Tom!

Yes!

Tom, do you realize

what we're doing?

Yes!

And I love it.

[instrumental music]

Peanut butter.

Lots of peanut butter.

- Hi, Mary.

- Hi.

Uh, Tommy, while

you're over there

will you see

if we have any eggs?

Nope. We're all out.

Two dozen eggs..

Are you, uh, making

a shopping list?

Uh-huh, only now that

dad's seeing Abby again

the volume's back

to normal.

Uh, Mary?

I've got a...proposition

for you.

You're too young.

No, I'm serious.

Say, I-I've been feeling

a little guilty about

the amount of food I eat.

You're going on

a hunger strike.

Nope. Better than that.

I'm gonna do the shopping

for the whole family.

You're going shopping?

Yup. Just give me the list.

You feeling okay, Tommy?

Sure. Beats the schoolyard.

You see, they're-they're

older at the supermarket.

More sophisticated.

More formed.

You know, Mary, there's

something about the sight

of a helpless young male,

lonely and confused

confronted with the

breathtaking variety

of all the yogurt flavors.

A woman just can't resist.

It's pure maternal instinct.

Never fails.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[music continues]