- Abby!
- 'Yes, Nicholas?'
How long did you know
dad before you kissed him?
Umm..
...well, I'll have to think
about that one, why?
Well, I heard Elizabeth
talk about it on the phone.
Elizabeth was talking about
when I first kissed your father?
No, she was talking about
when she first kisses boys.
Oh, oh, oh, well
I-I-I would imagine
that hers and my rules
aren't too far apart...I hope.
So what did Elizabeth say?
Did you learn
anything educational?
I learnt two things.
What was the first one?
Don't get caught listening
to Elizabeth talk on the phone.
And the second?
She hits a lot harder
than Tommy.
[theme music]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
[clanking]
[indistinct yelling]
I think the radiator's
boiling over.
Oh, no.
- 'So is dad.'
- Oh, no.
What kind of a car is this?
Don't ask me.
I don't know about old cars.
Prehistoric is not my category.
This must be the car
that inspired Edsel.
- And tow trucks.
- Oh, come on, dad.
You gotta realize
that we're gonna fix it up.
Oh, really? You're gonna pour
good money into bad.
Oh, no, dad.
You don't understand.
See, with a car this age
you don't have to worry
about depreciation.
That's true, I mean, uh
how can pounds
of rust go down in value?
(Susan)
'Look at it this way, dad.'
We're benefitting
the whole family.
Yeah, now that
the four of us have this
we won't keep hassling you
about using the station wagon
or the sedan.
Oh, you mean that my car
is actually gonna be my car?
Absolutely. We're all gonna have
our own transportation.
- Well, I think it's great.
- Oh, come on.
You don't think
that the four of you can share
something like this
without fighting, do you?
That's just the point, dad.
See, it's very simple.
We each put percent
of our money into this car
and that means
we'll get percent equal use.
That's right.
Yeah, dad, it's not like
we're fighting over seniority.
We bought this car equally
so, we are going to share
this car equally.
Oh, yeah, and if anybody
wants to rent the car
we just rent it to 'em
for a reasonable price
with a reasonable
built-in profit.
Oh, well
at least that takes care
of one of my worries
that socialism was creeping
into this family.
Well, then it's okay, dad.
We can keep the car?
Yes, it's okay,
on one condition..
...you get a bumper sticker put
on the back here that says
"Our father does not
approve of this."
Let's hear it for dad!
[blares horn]
[giggling]
Are you sure,
this is the right way to do it?
Hey, you wanna
get the car runnin', don't ya?
- Mm, sure.
- Alright.
You wanna go inside with me?
I'll buy you some coffee.
No, a girl could lose
her reputation
just by walking past
this place to a slum.
Alright, I'll meet you
near Trish
and let you know
how things went.
Okay, Tommy, but don't hang
around there too long.
This is the day
it usually gets raided.
[instrumental music]
- 'Hi, Webb.'
- Hey, Tommy.'
Aren't you a little off
your turf?
Just trying to locate something.
You name it, we got it.
Hall pass, tardy slip.
I'm looking for a radiator
for a ' Buick Roadmaster.
Fifty-fi-five?
- Don't make jokes.
- 'Hey, this is no joke.'
They tell me
you've got guys in here
that can get any auto part
ever made.
Within reason.
And reason ends
with a ' Chevy.
Okay, well, if you come
across one, let me know.
- See you around.
- Yeah, see you.
Hold up, Bradford.
[music continues]
Here's a couple
blank report cards.
That's ten bucks,
take five.
Hey, come on over here.
- So, uh, something wrong?
- Yeah, old buddy.
Can't help but notice
the trouble you've been having
in English Comp.
So? I'll pass.
Come on, Bradford.
I can read the writing
on the wall.
And from across the aisle
I can read the grades
in your papers.
You got three F's
in a row.
Yeah, well, so what?
That's my problem.
I'll make it.
Doesn't have to be your problem.
I can get your next theme
written for you
and guarantee an A.
I've got a feeling
there's a little more involved
than just friendship.
Well, of course,
but considering
that your whole future's
at stake
my fee is very reasonable.
How reasonable?
Fifty bucks for an A,
thirty-five for a B.
That's reasonable?
It'd cost you and your parents
a lot more in time
and embarrassment
if you have
to take the course over.
Yeah, well,
even with three F's
I've still got a D average.
I'll make it. No sweat.
This is high school, Bradford.
Teachers are getting tougher.
College is getting harder
to get into.
This is the best bucks,
you'll ever invest.
Ask any of my customers.
I'd give you a reference
but, my clients
like to remain anonymous.
Yeah, I'm sure they do.
[sighs]
Thanks, Webb.
But, uh, I'm hanging on
to my cash for a radiator.
Okay, it's your neck.
Just remember, I'll be here
when you need me.
Tommy
why didn't you tell me
that you failed English Comp?
Well, I'm not failing.
It's just,
I've got a D average.
Oh, come on now.
In this house a D average
is definitely flunking.
'Apparently, your teacher
feels the same way.'
Otherwise why would she
have called me?
Yeah, well,
she didn't have to do that.
(Tom)
'Well, how would I have
found out if she didn't?'
Tommy, you're doing F work.
Excuse me, D work in English
and you're doing A work
in not mentioning it.
I just figured,
I'd bring my average up.
How can you?
There's no time.
According to Ms. Denevey,
you have one more chance.
If you fail
your next composition
that's it, you will have blown
your entire grade point average.
Dad, I know all of that.
J-just don't get so bent.
Oh, come on, I'm bent?
Look, riding is my profession.
Ever since David was born
I've insisted that you kids use
the English language
with respect and correctly.
'And so far you have.'
I mean, months have gone by
in this house
without a single participle
being dangled.
'You speak correctly and vividly
and it's very nice.'
But obviously,
if you can talk that way
well, then you can
write that way.
- If you'd only try.
- Dad, I do try.
No, no. Not hard enough.
Dad, I work my brains out
over this.
I'm just not good at writing,
that's all.
I can't accept that.
Well, accept it or not,
it's the truth.
You guys expect me to be
some kind of a genius
like David or Mary.
Well, I'm not,
I never will be.
Wrong. I don't expect you
to be like David or Mary.
But I do expect you
to stop wasting time
with that scrap heap
that you bought out there.
Settle down and write a paper
that will keep you from failing.
Now, I expect, at least
a C average, son.
Or else?
Let's not talk about
the or else.
Otherwise, you're gonna
wind up as upset as I am.
Okay, Tommy, get to work.
'Immediately.'
Yes, sir.
I thought you promised not
to come down too heavy on him.
Oh, come on,
after years of doing this
I think I know the difference
between heavy and firm.
Oh, really?
I've seen happier faces
than Tommy's come out
of the principal's office
after being expelled.
Did you let him stay
in the family?
'No, I just told him
the truth, Abby.'
Look, Tommy happens to have
an exceptional background
in the subject
of English Composition.
I mean, it's obvious
he's capable
of doing much better work.
And what if he isn't?
Well, then I don't know
my son very well.
Or at least not well enough.
[instrumental music]
[typewriter clacking]
Nicholas!
Can't you stay out?
Can't you see
I'm trying to work?
How can I see you
trying to work
if I stay out?
- I can't do the impossible.
- Yeah, well neither can I.
So you can just take over
the whole dumb room.
I don't want the room,
just wanted my skateboard.
I've got a great idea.
Why don't we divide the day
into four equal parts?
That way we can each have
the car, once each day.
Oh, Nancy,
that'll never work.
That's much too confining.
I vote for each one of us
getting the car for a full day
every fourth day.
Mm-mm, we can't
because that will leave
two people
without the car each weekend
and that's when transportation
is crucial.
Hmm.
Well, why don't we do it my way
the first part of the week
and we can do it Susan's way
the second part.
'And Elizabeth's way
on Saturday and Sunday.'
That's a brilliant idea.
- Thank you.
- I think.
Better write it down
just to make sure.
Ta-da-da-ta-ta-ta.
- Charge.
- Hi, Jill.
You guys will
positively not believe
what has just happened to me.
My first play.
So what's so great about that?
You've been in dozens of plays.
But she said,
with charming modesty.
It's the first one...
I'm directing.
- You're directing?
- Yeah! Whoo! Yeah.
- That's perfect, Joannie.
- I know.
You've always liked
to tell people what to do.
No, thanks.
I guess,
that's no way to put it.
This is a great honor
for Joannie.
- And for all women.
- Right.
I mean, there aren't very many
women directors, right?
And I'm sure there are dozens
of male students
who would just die
to direct this college play.
Oh, actually, this isn't
it's not the college play
that I'm directing.
'Actually, it's a off-campus
production.'
Well, actually it's an
off-off-campus production.
Well, actually
it's the Goodwin J. Knight
Elementary School production
of "Snow White."
You just set women back
about years.
[indistinct]
"Snow White?" "Snow White."
[chuckles]
Let's get back to this,
you guys.
Okay, Monday,
I get the car because
'well, you know,
I got my license renewed.'
Hey! Hey, watch
what you're doing.
Oh, I'm sorry, David.
I didn't know
you were under there.
No, I should have been
under here
before you bought this monster
I would've told you
to forget it.
Why, what's wrong with it
besides the radiator?
So far everything
I've looked at.
Where'd you find
so much bad news
under what I'm sure
is a leaky roof.
Lou Lenchner's Top Value
Transportation Cars.
That's two mistakes,
right there.
Mr. Lenchner
is affectionately known
as Lemon Lou.
And, uh, transportation cars
never provide transportation.
Well, he guaranteed
all it needed
was a simple tune-up.
Yeah, what it needs
is a simple junking.
David, you've got a way
with cars.
You can fix it.
So far I can't even start it.
- Why not?
- I don't know.
I think there could be
a hundred reasons.
Yeah, I wanna get it out
of the line of traffic.
- Will you help me push?
- Sure.
I could also use some help
tearing the thing down.
I'm sorry, Dave,
but I can't.
Dad's putting the pressure on me
to raise my grade
in English Comp.
What, from B to an A?
No, from a D to a C.
Only to dad it's the difference
between failing and succeeding.
Yeah, that must be rough.
I always got the impression
that he thought that
high grades on English themes
were automatically included
in the Bradford family genes.
Yeah, well maybe I'm adopted.
I don't even know
where to start.
'Hey, why don't you
talk to Mary?
What good would that do?
'Well, she could tell you
what to look for'
and tell you how
she get's her ideas.
You know, she helped me
a lot once
just by suggesting a topic.
Well, I hate to bother her.
'Who's bothering?'
Best thing you can do to..
...compliment someone
is to ask 'em advice.
Hey, yeah, I guess you're right.
Thanks a lot, Dave.
Hey, the second biggest
is to help someone push cars.
Let's see, junior English,
second semester?
There's no problem, Tommy.
I would be glad
to help ya.
Alright, Mrs. Denevey's class,
second period.
Oh? Well, she's a little
since my time
but I think that
if I refresh my memory
on what I used to write about
maybe we'll come up
with something, huh?
Amidst all of this stuff
I promise you,
we will find something.
Yep, this what I always go for.
(Tommy)
'Ugh, how disgusting!'
How can you stand to sleep
in the same room
as your old home work.
Let's face it, I'm retentive.
Although, I prefer
to call it organized.
Uh..
...Tommy what are you
interested in these days?
Not writing theme papers
and getting dad of my back.
Okay, besides that?
Having a car.
Well, now see
there's a possible
possible theme.
But, uh
probably half the class
is gonna be writing
about something like that.
I think it pays to, uh,
come up with something original.
[knocking on door]
May I..
Oh, Mary, I'm sorry
to bother you but, um
I need your help
with the oven timer again.
[chuckles]
Well, sure.
Tommy, why don't you, uh,
look over these titles
and see if anything, uh,
strikes you, okay?
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
Oh, hey, Tommy. Did you find
a topic you liked?
Oh, yeah. Thanks, Mary,
you saved my life.
[dramatic music]
(Joannie)
'Nicholas!'
I'm out here,
in the back porch.
(Joannie)
'Oh?'
Hi, kid.
I've been looking all over
for you.
- What you doin'?
- Smelling the fresh air.
[sniffs]
Mm.
Yeah.
It's nice.
Hey, Nicholas, um
I kinda have
something important to ask.
Me too, how come
you never find out
you should cut your orange
with a knife?
Until it's too late.
Oh, here.
Let me help you with that.
Hey!
One thing about our family
we always
help each other, right?
Maybe I better peel that myself.
Oh, uh,
frankly, Nicholas
I'm kind of in a jam, you know?
Here it comes.
No, no, look, you don't have
to be that way about it.
I mean, you know, actually
the whole reason why I'm here
is that that my big problem
could be your greatest
opportunity.
Maybe I better
take my orange and run.
Nicholas. Aw, Nicholas,
come on.
Nicholas.
Nicholas, look.
Listen.
Have you ever dreamed
about being famous?
Nah, mostly I just dreamed about
animals and spelling tests.
(Joannie)
'Nicholas, listen to me.'
I could make you
the most talked-about boy
in Goodwin J. Knight
Elementary School.
I could bring you
endless adulation and applause.
I don't even think I'd like that
even if I know what it means.
[sighs]
Boy.
Okay, if you won't do it
for yourself
would you at least do it
for me, huh?
Do what?
Uh...take the part
of Prince Charming
in the, uh,
play I'm directing.
Prince Charming?
- No way.
- Oh, Nicholas! Nicholas!
Please, I'm desperate, huh?
I mean only two boys
even tried out, you know?
And one of them lisps
and the other one
just stands there and scratches.
Oh, yeah,
I bet that's Richie Tuttle.
He's the best itcher
in the whole third grade.
Oh, Nicholas,
help me please.
I can't do justice to this play
without a decent
Prince Charming.
And if it flops
I'll never get a chance
to direct again.
You gotta do it for me.
Oh, yeah, then what are you
gonna do for me?
- Anything.
- How about table clearing?
For a month, guaranteed.
- Shake on it.
- Shake on it, alright.
(Joannie)
'Ew.'
Nicholas!
[typewriter clacking]
[instrumental music]
David, take a look,
we've solved everything.
What now?
We have the point system.
Now, each partner starts off
the week with a points.
The one who bids the most points
for any given time period
gets the car. It's simple.
- 'Yeah.'
- 'What do you think?'
Well, even if I understood
what you're talking about
which I don't
I'd say you have the points
before the ignition.
'You're dividing a cake
that isn't even baked yet.'
Oh, don't be modest, David.
We know you have a way
with cars.
Yeah? So, buy a car
and I'll fix it.
To fix this b*mb, I'd have to be
a demolitions expert.
That bad?
Nicholas, you can't quit.
- Oh, yes I can.
- Aw, come on, Nick.
You made an agreement, remember?
Oh, yeah? Well, it doesn't count
because you tricked me.
I did not.
Oh, yeah, no wonder
only two guys tried out for it.
You know why? Because what
you want is disgusting.
What's disgusting?
Ask her. I don't even
want to talk about it.
Joannie, what is the problem?
Nicholas promised that he was
gonna do Prince Charming
in my play, you know?
And then he backs out
on his promise
just because he doesn't like
one little piece
of stage direction.
You call that little?
Oh, now, just exactly
what are we talking about here?
She wants me to kiss a girl.
Geez.
Oh, Jo.
No, no, Nicki!
Nicki! Prince Charming
has to kiss Snow White.
I mean the play
doesn't resolve without it.
Oh, yeah? It can revolve
without me because I quit.
What have you got
against girls, huh?
I mean, uh, I'm a girl.
That's why
I never kiss you.
(Elizabeth)
'But-but girls are fun to kiss.'
Well, they're soft
and they smell good.
You might even like it.
Never.
Now, Nicholas, there's something
you should know
about onstage kisses
they're not the same
as real-life kisses
because it's not really you
kissing the girl per-se
it's Prince Charming.
Right. Right, I mean,
listen to Abby, Nicholas.
You-you see, it doesn't
involve you personally.
Good, and I won't have
anything to do with it.
Nicholas, um, I think
you're putting Joanie
in an-in an awkward position.
I mean, let's suppose that
that you ask her to pitch
for your baseball team, okay?
'And on the day of the game,
she refuses to do it.'
'And you lose the game.
How do you feel?'
Come on, Nicholas, we know how
hard this is gonna be for you
but think about
poor Joannie, I mean
think how hard it's gonna
be on her if you don't do it.
- Come on, champ.
- Poor, Joannie.
Please, Nicholas, please, hm?
I'll be eternally
grateful to you.
Grateful enough to make
my bed for a whole month?
Gee.
Okay, if I have to.
And take out the garbage
when it's my turn.
Ooh.
- Alright.
- Okay, then I'll do it.
Oh, thank you.
Alright.
It can't be any worse
than that time
that bug flew in my mouth.
You're a true romantic,
Nicholas.
Okay, listen to me, um
I'll tell you how exactly
how I want that kiss performed
tomorrow afternoon
in the rehearsal, okay?
Oh, no way,
I've not practice kissing.
- What?
- I'm all trading for one kiss.
Nicholas. Nicholas!
Wait come on, come on.
We have to talk this out.
Nicki. Nicholas!
(Susan)
'Does anybody know
if David's made'
'any progress with the car yet?'
- 'Haven't you seen it?'
- 'No.'
(Elizabeth)
'Lucky, lucky you.'
(Tommy)
'It's enough to make you wanna
reinvent the horse.'
Well, I guess today is not
the day to start the schedule.
Good thinking, Nanc.
Well, partners, looks like
it's back
to equal sharing
of the sidewalk.
Oh, hey, Tommy,
could I see you for a moment?
Yeah, sure.
Have a nice day, girls.
I'll see you tonight.
Ahem.
- See you, dad. Bye.
- Bye, Tommy.
Tommy, you seem kind of moody.
Are you worried about the theme?
- No.
- How's it coming?
- I'm all done.
- Oh, good.
See I told you could do it.
- Yeah.
- I'd like to see it.
Sure, why not.
(Tom)
'Hm. This is very,
very good, Tommy.'
(Tommy)
'You really think so?'
Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's crisp,
it's vivid.
And it has some, uh
very interesting ironies.
Yeah, you, you know me, I was
always kinda big on ironies.
'You think it'll get an A?'
Oh, yes, positive.
I thought so the first time
I read it.
What?
'I mean, if you're going to, uh'
're-copy Mary's old papers'
'you could at least
have the decency'
'to correct
her spelling errors.'
You see, Mary never did learn
that ridiculous
doesn't have an E.
'And ridiculous is the key word
in this whole situation.'
Alright, Tommy,
back to square one.
Let's do it again,
properly this time.
[instrumental music]
(Tom)
'What was it, Tommy?'
- 'Laziness or just stupidity?'
- 'I don't know.'
(Tom)
'Well, you better figure it out'
because that's stealing
and that's wrong.
And that means trouble
and you know that.
Yes.
Well, then why in heaven's name
did you do it?
Because you want that kind
of a paper and I can't write it.
Oh, really, well you're gonna
write one, alright.
I'll see to it,
that you'll write one.
Now, what time do you get home
from school today?
- :.
- I'll be here waiting for you.
Your first lesson is gonna be
that good writing
takes hard work.
(Tommy)
'I know it's hard. What I wanna
know is how to do it.'
Oh, you won't have
that excuse anymore.
Your tutor will see to that.
My tutor, you mean Abby?
No, I mean, me.
- But, dad--
- : sharp.
Right.
Tom, you can't mean that.
You can't tutor Tommy.
I know, I am very busy, but I'll
have to cancel something.
- Tommy needs me.
- Not as a tutor.
Tom, look that's my profession
and I would never tutor
a member of my own family.
It just doesn't work.
I mean, you never find doctors
and lawyers working
with their own children, right?
'So, please, le-lemme, just find
a professional English tutor'
they can really be objective
with Tommy, please.
As a newspaper man I think I
know a little about objectivity.
Not when it comes to Tommy.
You'll just be putting
more pressure on him.
The toughest editor I ever had
taught me the most.
Yes, but, he wasn't
your own father.
Now, listen, Elizabeth.
Do you know your part?
Yes, I know my part. I could do
it with my eyes closed.
In fact, I do. I'm Snow White,
I lie on the sofa.
I mean the coffin, and I wait
for Prince Charming to kiss me.
Good, good.
Okay, listen, Elizabeth, I
really appreciate this, really.
Because, you know, Nicholas
won't rehearse at school
and if he won't rehearse there
I've got to make him
practice somewhere.
Hey, no problem,
if Nicholas kisses me
it'll be a family first,
I'll make Bradford history.
Okay, good. Excuse me.
Don't worry, Elizabeth.
I'll make him.
- How?
- Ah..
I'll do what every good
director does
when he sees the show's dying.
And what's that?
Resort to v*olence.
Ooh.
"My favorite summer
vacation happened
"when I was years old
in Oregon."
What's wrong?
'Well, syntax, think about it.'
I mean, did your vacation
happen at Oregon
or were you years old
in Oregon?
Both.
'Well, then say it
just that way'
with a proper preposition
and in a proper sequence.
I was years old
when I took my favorite vacation
to Oregon.
Wait a minute.
Was that the time when Elizabeth
got the measles?
- Yeah.
- Oh, gosh.
- I hated that vacation.
- Yeah, me too.
You, you hated it,
then why did you write
that it was your favorite
vacation for?
Because you jump all over me
if I didn't write something.
I don know what else
to write about.
Oh, come on, Tommy,
there's a whole universe
out there to write about.
Well, that makes it harder.
Well, you've gotta just try.
You've gotta write something
otherwise I have nothing
to criticize.
Well, how can I write
if you're gonna criticize?
I'm trying to help you,
remember?
Help me do what,
prove to the whole universe
that Tom Bradford
has smart kids?
Here read my paper again.
He doesn't.
Come on, this is where
you say the cue.
Nicholas, this is just
to practice your stage moves.
You don't have to kiss Elizabeth
on the lips,
just on the forehead.
How about if I come that close?
If you kiss her once
on the forehead
you can come that close to her
lips when we rehearse again.
Yuck.
Come on, Nicholas,
you used to kiss me all the time
when you were a baby,
don't you remember?
You're just trying to make
that up so I'll feel worse.
Okay, come on everybody,
come on, we're wasting time.
I want, uh, Snow White
in her coffin
'and Prince Charming
out in the wings.'
Wings? What wings?
Off stage, Nicholson.
Alright, come on over here.
Okay, ready in the coffin.
Okay, go. Now, this is where you
enter from, alright?
Now, remember. You walk slowly
into the forest..
Hey, hey, listen. You walk
slowly and you stop.
And you see
the lifeless Snow White.
You wipe away your tears.
And then you walk slowly through
the circle of the sobbing dwarfs
and you go up to her and with
full of emotion bend over
and bestow your loving kiss.
Okay, got it? Ready?
Nope, but we might as well
get it over with.
Alright, here's your cue.
The last dwarf says
that's the-the chair
up there, he says
"That wicked witch
she has taken Snow White away
from us forever."
I mean, you go to school
to actually learn that junk.
Oh.
I really hate
to tell you this, Nicholas
but you did it all wrong.
What do you mean? I did exactly
what you said.
The what, maybe, yeah,
but not the how. You know..
Alright, alright, I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.
It's my fault. It's my fault.
I didn't explain
the scene properly.
I thought you explained it
quite well, Joanie.
Oh, yeah, yeah, the action
maybe, but not the motivation.
See...Nicholas.
You have to understand
that there's deep human emotions
that underlie
this last climactic moment.
You think that
Snow White is dead..
...and you're overwhelmed
with grief.
And then under the burden
of this total sadness
you come in to the glade.
And you move slowly through
the circle of-of her friends
that are crying,
and you move up to her..
...to say her last goodbye.
You see, you have no idea
that Snow White
is ever gonna come alive again.
You think that,
that your love for her
has reached it's tragic end.
Now, now put yourself into that.
- How do you feel?
- Great.
If my love was ending I wouldn't
have to do anymore kissing.
[Elizabeth laughing]
No.
[instrumental music]
Little hard to reach the
typewriter from there, isn't it?
I was trying to think of a word.
Oh, really.
Well, I'll tell you something.
I discovered that there's only
two ways to do that efficiently.
One is with the thesaurus
and the other
is in an upright position.
Now, um, here's a draft
of your first page.
And here's, uh,
my corrected version.
Is that the second page
in the typewriter?
Yeah.
Tommy, you're still making
the same mistakes over again.
I wish you'd look
a little closer
at what I did to the first page.
Oh, I see what you did.
You took your ideas
'and put it into your words.'
Now, I'm sorry, dad,
I don't understand.
Why is it wrong for me
to turn in Mary's work
and okay to turn in yours?
Tommy, the first page
is just an example
of how you should write
that material.
Well if I could learn
to write by reading
all these years of studying
your column
should have turned me
into Ernest Hemingway.
If you just let me
show you how to do it.
Dad, showing isn't teaching.
All's it proves is that you can
write and I can't.
It doesn't change a thing.
Because you don't wanna change.
How can I change?
No one teaches me.
I'm teaching you.
Dad, you're doing,
and somehow I'm supposed
to come up
with the exact same thing.
I wasn't aware that you're
such an expert
on the process of education.
Yeah, all's I know is we're both
wasting a lot of time.
Really,
is that the way you feel?
Alright, then,
I resign as your tutor.
Well, that's fine with me.
- But on one condition.
- What?
As long as you're such an expert
on how people learn things
go ahead and prove it.
'Write the theme
all by yourself.'
But be sure of one thing,
be sure you pass
otherwise you're in big trouble.
Say that again, David.
"The car has a cracked," what?
Block. It has a cracked block.
What does that mean?
All it means that if the rest
of the car were worth saving
'which it isn't,
we'd need a new engine.'
Oh! How much is that gonna cost?
Hmm, about six times the amount
you've already wasted.
What?
I think we need
some new investors.
Don't look at me.
Oh! Good. I'm glad I got all
of my partners in one place.
I wanna have
a board of trustees meeting.
Yeah, I think,
y'all better.
I've got a great proposition
for ya.
Due to an unexpected
cash flow problem
'I could be persuaded to sell'
my one fourth part
of the beautiful Buick.
for, say,
a ten percent discount.
No way, Tommy Bradford.
No way.
What do you think we are?
Yeah, this Elizabeth,
Nancy, and Susan.
Not Patsy, Patsy, and Patsy.
Hey, look, what did I say?
I think you and the Buick
have the same problem.
You could use
a new timing gear.
David, this is nothing
to fool around about.
I asked for my money back, okay?
You guys didn't wanna
give it back. That's okay too.
I don't need this family's help.
What's his problem?
Beat's me.
[instrumental music]
Hey, Bradford.
I've been expecting you.
I'll go for the A.
Cash, check or money order?
How about down now
and to follow?
Make it to follow.
Alright, but your guarantee
better be perfect.
Money in the bank, Bradford.
Money in the bank.
Uh-huh...yes.
That's right, Mr. Lenchner,
that's the car.
Yes, and we wanna exchange it
for any other car in your lot.
'Like you promised.'
We'll even put it back together.
Won't we, Susan?
Uh, let's not mention that.
(Nancy)
'But, that's not fair.'
How could we return the car
within the -hour
guarantee period?
It took us twice that long to
realize it had a cracked block.
Let's not mention that either.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you're a fine one
to talk about
sticking people,
Mr...Mr. Lemon Louie.
Now, what are we gonna do?
Punt.
You know, suppose we could
shine it up a bit.
Put an ad in the paper, huh?
- Nancy.
- Nancy.
[sighs]
Suppose not.
Okay, well, before we get
dad all upset with the news
give me a chance to ask him
one little question.
What's that?
If I can use
the station wagon tonight?
Ahh, that's what
I was gonna ask.
Uh, uh, I had dibs.
- 'Tommy!'
- Yes, sir.
Shouldn't you be doing
your composition?
It's due tomorrow.
Well...no, sir, I finished it.
I just finished typing.
- Really?
- Yes, sir.
Oh, well, that's great.
I'd like
to see it though, alright?
Sure, why not.
(Joannie)
'You know, I always find
that you never really'
get into the role until you get
into your costume.
How do you like it, Nicholas?
I thought only Indians
wear feathers.
No, no, no,
in those days, Nicholas
Princes wore feathers too, but
don't let it bother you, okay?
Don't worry, it doesn't, so far
since this prince business
the only thing I like
the best is the feather.
Hey, hey, look at this, Nicki,
huh? How do you like that?
- I gotta wear pantyhose?
- Honey, these are tights.
Renaissance tights, magic.
First I gotta a kiss a girl,
next I gotta wear pantyhose.
Boy, I'll never be able
to face my friends.
Oh, wait a second, Nicholas,
before you go
quitting on us again, you know.
I wanna show the best part
of this whole thing, okay?
You ready?
Ta-da. Prince Charming
wears a sword.
Aye! Alright.
On guard!
Hey, thanks for the sword,
Mary, it was a real inspiration.
Sure. Uh, Nicholas, would you be
careful, okay?
It's only made of plastic,
but don't go stabbing anybody.
Not even the witch?
Not even the witch.
Man, it sure would be a lot more
action if I just walked up
and stabbed her
instead of a dumb old kiss.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
Oh, boy, congratulations, Tommy.
You did exactly
what I hoped you would do.
Do you mean, you like it?
(Tom)
'Yes, you finally
stopped hiding your talent'
underneath a bushel
of defensiveness.
You produced something
that we can both be proud of.
Well, then it's what you wanted.
It's exactly what I wanted.
It's clear, it's vivid,
it's clever.
It reads just the way
you talk.
Thanks.
'You know,
I never had any doubt'
'that you would come through.'
I knew that is all you had to do
is to apply yourself.
You see, Tommy..
...look, you're bright,
imaginative, sensitive.
You have every quality
of a good writer.
Only you have something
even more. You have character.
I mean, you pulled yourself
out of a tight mess
and you got the work finished
and, and I'm proud of you.
I know we've been through a lot
together with this paper
but it's all behind us,
so, let's just forget it, okay?
Yeah, okay.
I got a great idea.
This weekend, why don't we
celebrate. Just the two of us.
'I'll get tickets
for the Warrior game, okay?'
Yeah, sure.
And you turkeys think
you have problems.
Tommy, Tommy, I just heard
the good news.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
You father's very happy
with your composition.
Yeah, well,
some people get excited
over the weirdest things.
I know what you've been
going through.
You do?
I think so.
Fathers and sons always,
uh, seem to have
a difficult time
with expectations.
Yeah, well,
dad expects too much.
- I agree.
- You do?
Yeah, but, uh...he wouldn't be
your father if he didn't.
See, I don't know
if it's expects too much
or if it's just that down deep
he really wants too much.
'I think he just wants
the very best'
'for the people
he loves the most.'
The best grades
and the best jobs.
The best life.
Then why does he make it
so difficult?
I don't know.
Sometimes..
...sometimes we think
that we just have one way
of making other people happy.
'And we don't realize that-that
our way doesn't necessarily'
'help them at all.'
Oh, Tommy, I-I wish you could
just realize one thing.
'Whatever your father's done,
he's done because..'
'...because he loves you
very, very much.'
Love just sometimes has a funny
way of showing itself.
[instrumental music]
[alarm blaring]
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
What are you
doing up so early?
I wanted to see the sunrise.
Oh, excuse me.
I know, but that's
the terrible part of it.
Snow White is not supposed
to be a suspenseful play.
Will Nicholas kiss her?
Won't Nicholas kiss her?
I mean, I might as well be
directing a Hitchcock movie.
Now, I don't follow you.
Didn't Nicholas have to kiss
Snow White
during the rehearsals?
Are you kidding?
Well, he came close
to my left temple once
but that was my birthday.
Joanie, I'd just wish that
you'd stop worrying about it.
I mean, the play
will go fine.
Nicholas is a man
of his word.
- Yeah.
- Oh, he better be.
My whole advanced drama class
is gonna be there
for opening night.
I mean, if Nicholas doesn't
come through for me
I'm gonna be
a laughing stock.
- All this over one kiss?
- Yeah.
You know, you'd think I'd
ask them to do a nude scene.
Good morning, Tommy.
'Hey, are you alright?
You look kinda pale.'
Yeah, I'm fine.
(Tom)
'Tommy, I hope
you're not worried'
'about that theme you wrote.'
It's very good.
It's a winner, Tommy,
a real winner.
You're right.
(Joannie)
'No, I really don't think so,
Mrs. Buckley.'
None of the other dwarfs
are wearing sequins.
Well, yes, I know that you want
Frederic to stand out
but I just would
really prefer it
if he'd wear the costume
we assigned, okay?
Yes, thank you, Mrs. Buckley.
Oh, and-and, Mrs. Buckley,
please have Fredric there
at least an hour
before the curtain.
For sure. Yes. Okay,
thank you, Mrs. Buckley.
Huh! Oh, boy.
Do directors
get stage fright?
Okay, what time is it?
Huh! I'll never have time
to make the witches warts.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hey, Tommy.
So, long day?
- Yeah. A long day.
- How'd it go?
Well, I waited after
school for Mrs. Denevey
to grade my theme paper.
And?
She said she liked
what it said
but she didn't like
the way I said it.
What'd you say?
Here, why don't
you read it?
I saw enough of the dumb thing
staying up all night writing it.
(Abby)
'"For all intensive purposes.."'
Intensive purposes?
Intensive purposes.
Ms. Denevey didn't
like it either.
She has it, uh, circled in red
and she took off three points.
Now, I-I don't understand.
I mean, that wasn't in
the theme that I read yesterday.
Well, just listen
and I think you'll understand.
"For all intensive purposes,
a person can be
"what others think he should be
"or he can be what he really is.
'"If people expect
too much from a person'
'"that person may twist
himself all up'
'"trying to pretend he is'
'"what he really isn't.'
"All he can think about
is pleasing the other person.
[instrumental music]
'"We would not want the other
person to become unhappy'
'"because he is not what
we expect he should be.'
"By the sane token.
Sane token?
"By the sane token
"we should not expect ourselves
'"to become unhappy
by being what we can't.'
"This is true of lots of people
"including fathers.
'"Despite of this,
I'm proud of mine'
'"because, even when
he is not what I expect..
'...he does not try
to be what he isn't."'
I see.
"And from now on,
I will too."
[music continues]
What was the final mark?
It's a B in content, a D
in grammar for a C average.
C average, huh?
Don't look so gloomy.
At least he passed the course.
Tom, you're not going to..
I most certainly am.
[music continues]
'Tommy?'
Tommy?
Yes, sir?
Would you come
down here please?
Tommy.
Look at me.
I read your composition.
Wasn't very good, was it?
Well, maybe you won't
get a Pulitzer Prize..
...but...you managed
to communicate
'something to somebody who..'
'...who needed it.'
Me.
You?
Yeah.
And since communication is the..
...ultimate purpose
of good writing..
...the composition
was a success.
Really?
By the sane token, don't
let it go to your head now.
Yeah, don't worry, it won't.
If your calendar's free
on Saturday night
I got tickets
to that Warrior game.
Sure. Just you and me?
Just you and I.
I.
Alas, alas,
our princess is dead.
'Who's white as the snow
and pale as the moon.'
What shall we do without her?
What shall we do?
Poor sweet princess.
'Gone forever.
Come back to me, princess.'
'Rise and shed sunshine
on our lives again.'
That terrible witch!
She has..
She has..
Taken.. Taken Snow White
away from us forever.
Oh yeah. That's it!
Taken Snow White
away from us.
Forever!
Forever!
[applause]
Nicholas.
Okay.
It's now.
You can do it.
[audience giggling]
[instrumental music]
Please, Nicholas. Please.
Oh.
Yuck!
[applause]
Curtains! Curtains!
Okay, turn your way
to that little way there.
Go, go over that way
a little bit.
What are you,
pulling up?
(Susan)
'Alright , go over
that way a little bit.'
- Wait, wait!
- Wait, wait! Stop!
[brakes screech]
Sorry.
Yeah, you should be.
You're interrupting the funeral.
Oh. Well, rest in peace.
Oh, cheer up, dad.
We got it all together.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah. David's a real genius.
(Tom)
'He can actually fix that?'
No, but we found out
from the wrecking company
we can get $ if we tow it
with the van.
Which is better then us paying
them $ to haul it away.
I would say so.
Actually, we think
it's a major breakthrough.
And if you wait one minute,
I'll show you what I mean.
See, dad? If you apply this
chart to the station wagon
you will see that we have
equal rights for transportation.
The station wagon?
Come on, Abby.
Come on, dad. Take a look at it.
Just take a look at the chart.
[indistinct chatter]
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
02x22 - Great Expectations
Watch/Buy Amazon
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.