03x08 - The Hipbone's Connected to the Thighbone

[bunniefuu]

(Nicholas)

Dad?

(Tom)

Uh-huh?

(Nicholas)

Why don't they make

cars smaller?

Oh, they do, Nicholas.

The trend now is towards

the more compact car.

I mean small, so I can drive.

They make bikes

for smaller people

and clothes and desks in school.

Why not cars?

Well, it's, uh,

it's not as simple as all that.

Tommy's taking that course

in school, huh?

- Driver's Education?

- Yeah.

And when he gets his license,

I'll be the only one

in the family who can't drive.

It has nothing to do with size.

It's a question of age.

Oh, boy! Here it comes again.

"When I get older,

when I get older."

Boy, being nine really,

really stings, you know?

'I can't have any fun.'

'I can't drive.'

I can't spend the night

at Tom's and Landy.

Boy, I can't even see

R-rated movies.

R-rated movies? Why would you

want to see an R-rated movie?

To find out what I'm missin'.

You're missing

that spot over there.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

♪ There's a magic

in the early morning ♪

♪ We found ♪

♪ When sunrise smiles

on everything ♪

♪ Around ♪

♪ It's a portrait

of the happiness ♪

♪ That we feel and always will ♪

♪ Oh eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days ♪

♪ Like bright

and shiny new dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪

♪ By the changing time ♪

♪ There's a plate

of homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪

♪ And eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Does it hurt that much,

Nicholas?

Oh, shucks, I'm sorry.

But that'll help remind you

to wear pads or a helmet

when you go skateboarding.

What do you think, doc?

A bandage or no?

(Mary)

Absolutely. Recommend it

as part of the treatment.

Clinical requirements

versus patient preference.

Clinical what, versus who?

Ask the patient.

'Patient, you'd much rather'

'have a bandage, wouldn't you?'

I rest my case.

[sighs]

- Mary.

- Yeah?

Uh, "I rest my case."

I'm not familiar

with that medical term.

Oh, it's a new course,

just offered

called malpractice insurance.

Oh, very good.

And how are your other courses?

- The non-legal ones.

- Oh, pick one.

Let's see, uh, biochemistry.

That was always my hardest.

Oh, that was my favorite.

Come on in.

I mean, everything,

everything's clear.

Everything works,

it's interesting.

Well, we must be talking

about different biochemistries.

Who's your instructor?

Dr. Ing.

Gosh! Fantastic.

Dr. Ing?

I don't think I know him.

He sounds Chinese.

She is.

You know, she is the only female

instructor I have this year.

Dr. Max, how come?

Well, for one thing,

there are fewer--

Why is it that male doctors

just hate female med students?

Now, wait.

I'm not sure that's true.

Histology, Dr. Raphaelson.

He calls us all men or guys.

Then, we have cardiovascular,

Dr. Donaho..

No, wait a minute,

anatomy, Dr. Frankman.

King of the chauvinists.

Do you want to know

what he said to us one time?

He said that if God had wanted

women to be doctors

well, then he would have made

Hippocrates a female.

[laughs]

That's pretty good.

Not if you happen to be a woman.

Oh, come on, Nance, there must

be something you need.

How about the library?

- Are your books due?

- What books?

I forgot. You don't read.

- Cute.

- Dr. Maxwell.

Dr. Maxwell, do you need

somebody to drive around

on your house calls?

House calls?

Tommy, if God had wanted doctors

to make house calls

he would not have

invented hospitals.

What about the hospital

or the drug store?

'How about the golf course?'

Drivers Ed?

Yeah, and I need

lots of practice.

I wouldn't stress

that too heavily.

You might discourage

a potential customer.

How about you, Tom?

I mean,

who better than the old man

'to pass along

the torch, right?'

Oh, uh, y-y-yeah.

Well, I, uh,

I-I guess, uh, yeah.

Well, hey,

it's not that big a deal

sometimes at school we get--

And I'll get the books

you get the keys.

Hi, dad! Hi, Dr. Max.

It will take all day, huh?

Hi, Dr. Max. Hi, dad.

Hey, can we use the car,

Elizabeth and I

have to go to the library?

You have to go to the library?

Yeah, I gotta get

some books for term paper.

Alright, you, the mad driver.

Oh, what do you say, dad?

It'll give Tommy some practice.

[sighs]

Uh, okay.

Oops.

I'll be out in the car.

Well..

I certainly hope he drives

better than he catches.

Barely. Elizabeth!

Alright, see you around,

Dr. Max. Thanks, dad.

Uh, listen, I'm sorry

if I started something

with the driving.

I didn't mean to embarrass you.

Oh, no, no.

It-it's no big thing , Max.

It's just, about a year ago

I tried to tutor Tommy

in English, it was a disaster.

I swore I would never make

that mistake again.

It's-it's-it's a family thing.

Around this place, what other

kind of thing is there?

[instrumental music]

Okay, seats..

...and mirrors.

Okay.

Driving permit?

Yeah. Right he..

Uh...I'll be right back.

[music continues]

Oh, boy!

Okay, okay, now get down, quick.

- Do what, Tommy?

- Get down, quick!

Tommy, what's going on?

Come on,

there're some of the guys

standing up

in front of Hudson's.

So what?

So, you're my sisters,

what will they say?

Maybe they'll say, "Hi."

Come on, guys,

you're trying to make me look

like a, like a nerd,

now-now get down.

Aah!

[music continues]

- Hey, Tommy!

- Woo!

Hey, Tommy.

- 'Nice car.'

- 'Your dad's car?'

Oh, I don't believe

this is happening.

Whoo!

Nicholas, what are you

doing with that?

Try some butter.

I'm eating up in my room

while I study.

That's a third time this week.

It's becoming a habit,

a bad habit.

But, dad, it's the best time.

I mean, you guys are all

down here making noise

'so, I have peace

and quiet upstairs.'

Is that all going

to medical school is?

Just studying?

When do you have fun?

Yes. You know, you're setting

a bad example for all of us.

It's nothing but study,

study, study.

- It's disgusting.

- I hate it.

[indistinct chattering]

Now do you see

why I stay upstairs?

Do you know what you have to be

to get in a medical school?

A doctor.

[laughter]

The top ten percent

of your class.

- Let's hear for the top ten!

- Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Yeah!

Look, I am trying to keep up

with the top graduates

from all over this state.

The best.

And in addition to that,

I happen to be a woman.

So, it's not just keep up,

I have to be better.

[imitating a violin]

Okay, you guys.

You want to know something?

You people are much

too dense and insensitive

to understand anything,

excuse me!

[instrumental music]

I don't think she's having fun.

(Tom)

'Abby, I've gotta do something.'

Like what? Apart from helping

them with their homework?

Look, if there was only a way

we could get her a place

by herself near the med school.

She'll be fine.

That's easy for you to say.

She does have an excess

of roommates around here.

Mm-hmm.

She's running in a tough league.

I mean, these kids

are as bright as she is.

And some

are a whole lot brighter.

Yeah, I know.

Hope she can handle it.

Well, she's the one

who has to handle it, Tom.

There's no way

you can do it for her.

I know. But it still hurts.

You wouldn't be a father

if it didn't.

(Mary)

You noticed, huh?

I noticed alright.

In fact, I'd say the entire

histology lab noticed.

You know, at one point,

Morty was offering three to two

that Dr. Raphaelson

would throw you out

on your gluteus maximus.

- You know something?

- What?

I am so tired of that man

asking deliberately complicated

and impossible questions

then coming up with this,

"Ladies first."

Well, lucky you knew the answer.

- Tell me, not like, uh..

- Uh, anatomy?

Don't mention the word.

I have an appointment with

Dr. Frankman this afternoon.

Lucky you.

I tell you, between that course

and good old Dr. Frankmanstien

I'm going out of my tree.

How come you're not having

any trouble with that class?

Hey, I'm black,

I'm not a female.

See, Frankman's not a biggie,

he just doesn't like women

trying to be doctors.

'He doesn't care

what color they are.'

No, I-I meant the course.

How come it doesn't

give you any trouble?

Are you kidding me?

You know that everything

gives me trouble.

'I'm just used to it.'

'Now, see,

with you, you've always'

'had it easy, right?'

Yeah. I guess.

Until recently.

Until very recently.

Boy, I wonder

what's the matter with her?

I don't know, must be some guy.

Guy, you kiddin'? No.

Mary would never let a guy

interfere with med school.

Well, she'll never

get married like this.

I mean, if there's one thing

that scares off a guy

it's a studious woman.

Oh, boy.

Men aren't everything, you know?

I suppose not.

But they sure are something.

[chuckles]

Hey, I'm glad I found you.

You're just the two

I wanted to talk to.

I want you to do me a favor,

I'll just get my sc..

How am I gonna get my license

if I never get to practice?

You know,

it's just around the block.

Alright, Tommy, see ya.

Ten minutes isn't a lifetime,

you know?

(Nancy)

'With you it could be.'

Hmm.

Punctual. Good.

You said you wanted to see me.

Miss Bradford, as a courtesy

I warn all students

who are approaching mid term..

...with a below passing grade.

At the moment,

you're failing my cause.

- Yes, I know.

- Oh, you do?

Are you also aware that failure

to pass anatomy means repeating

the entire first year

of medical school?

Yes, I'm aware of that fact.

Good.

Now, if through

some herculean effort

you manage to turn in

a decent mid-term.

Now, we're talking

at least about a B.

Then you should be able

to pass this course.

Thank you, Dr. Frankman.

I'll try my best.

Miss Bradford, uh, I am..

I believe the phrase is,

somewhat old fashioned.

Yes, I'm very aware

of that fact, doctor.

Good, then you must

also be aware

that of all the professions

or callings

I hold medicine to be special.

It requires great education

and should never be

approached frivolously.

Frivolous?

Is-is that what you think

I'm being? Frivolous?

Let me finish.

Women, because of their nature

their physiology,

cannot give that dedication.

Excuse me, Dr. Frankman

but women by their physiology

are, are stronger than men.

They-they live longer

they're much more resistant

to disease.

They also have more

babies than men.

[instrumental music]

Miss Bradford, if you're really

that interested in a career

in medicine, I suggest you

consider becoming a nurse.

- A nurse?

- 'Yes, a nurse.'

I think you should consider it.

Nurses are very useful

to doctors.

Good day, Miss Bradford.

[door closes]

[birds chirping]

(Joannie)

'Anyway, so then, Mr. Tommen'

'the acting teacher.'

He says, "No.

"I want you to go back

"and come through that door

as the character

and the emotions dripping

from your fingers."

She goes, "But, Mr. Tommen.

But, Mr. Tommen.

No buts."

So, anyway,

Gloria goes back there

and we waited for her

and we waited for her

and then, finally..

[door closes]

What was that all about?

That's Gloria

coming through the door

with her emotions

dripping from her fingers.

Hi, Gloria!

Oh, no, it's not Gloria,

it's old, smiling Mary.

[door closes]

[instrumental music]

Darn it!

(Joannie)

'Mary?'

Go, away.

(Joannie)

'Mary, are you alright?'

No!

No, I am not alright.

That kindly old sexist

Dr. Frankmanstien

has found a sure-fire way

to keep the woman doctor

population down.

I know he must be, uh, killin'

off the woman students, right?

[laughs]

More or less,

he's flunking me in anatomy.

Oh, I don't believe it.

Well, you will,

when you get the written notice.

No, no, I mean,

I-I believe that you're getting

a failing grade,

but of all the kids, Mary

you've never had any trouble

with any course ever.

Yeah, really.

Well, I guess the odds finally

caught up with me, didn't they?

Come on. What's the problem?

Oh, dad,

it's a bunch of problems.

Med school is hard enough..

...but-but for a woman it's

just that much more difficult.

'I mean, you-you're

either patronized '

or, or discriminated against.

Either way, you...you begin

to feel isolated and alone.

Come on, Mary, you're not alone.

Hey, one thing

about us Bradford's

we always are there

when you need us, right?

Right.

And when you don't need us.

Which is part

of the problem, dad.

Look, if I was living

alone instead of

in the middle of this,

this flea circus

well, maybe I'd be doing better.

We do the best we can

with what we have.

The best thing that you

could do for me right now

is to leave me alone.

Please!

[instrumental music]

Hey, Nicholas, have you seen my,

uh, new Eagles album?

What you got in the box, goose?

[clears throat]

Oh, Nicholas,

are you out of your head?

You'll ruin your teeth

with all this gum.

Like I did.

I don't chew the gum.

I flip the cards.

Oh, card flippin', huh?

I remember

going through that phase.

You did?

Well, I really got it

for the gum

but I had all these cards,

so I got into flippin'.

You flip cards?

But you're a girl.

I know that, Nicholas,

but I also happen to be

a terrific card flipper.

Really? Can you teach me?

Piece of cake.

Here, I'll show you.

Uh, Nicholas

there's nothing here but gum.

Where do you keep your cards?

[sighs]

Cleaned out, huh?

Well, let's go check

out my desk.

I might have an old one

or two lying around.

Alright.

Um, you really

don't chew that gum?

- No, you want some?

- No, no, no.

It's not worth another two years

at the dentist.

Okay, now the important thing is

keep your forearm

parallel to the ground

it's all in the wrist, okay?

- Wrist.

- 'Yeah. That's right.'

[instrumental music]

Anybody home?

Hey, where did you learn

to flip like that?

Elizabeth taught me.

What do you think?

I think you're in

serious trouble.

Well, Elizabeth said,

"It's all in the wrist."

Nope, it's all in the forearm.

Here, let me show you.

Ugh! It's too soft.

Is this the only card you have?

Yeah, but we got a lot of gum.

We can't flip gum.

Hey, come on, hot-sh*t,

I got an idea.

Come on!

Now, "The tensor veli

palatini tendon.."

"...ends at right angles

around hamulus.."

[thudding]

"Around hamulus to, uh,

join the palatine aponeurosis."

Okay, now..

[thudding continues]

(David)

'There.'

(Nicholas)

'Oh, boy,

look at all the cards!'

Hey, will you two tell me

what's going on

up there, please? Huh?

Oh, hi, Mar.

Sorry, about the noise.

Me and Mighty Mite here

were looking for something.

Hope we didn't

disturb the studying.

Oh, no. Not a bit.

Oh, good. See you later.

Argh!

[instrumental music]

- Hey, Tommy!

- Whoo!

Hey, Tommy! Dad's car?

Whoo!

This is absolutely

the last time I ride with you

unless you promise

your sacred words

that I can sit on this car

on this very seat.

Oh! Uh-oh!

"Uh-oh?" Uh-oh, what uh-oh?

'What?'

Thomas Bradford,

if anyone sees me like this

you're gonna get it,

you're gonna get it.

[instrumental music]

What's the matter, officer?

Uh, just a routine

equipment check.

Uh, may I see

your operators license, please.

Oh, sure!

I thought this was

a road block or something

or you're after

a bad criminal or--

I'm sorry, son,

this is only a permit.

You have to have a license

driving the car

'in order to operate

a vehicle with this.'

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's okay, I..

Oh, I mean I do, there is.

There you are,

one licensed driver.

First, never flip with

your arm up here, no control.

You gotta keep it down

alongside your body like this.

Right.

Hey, there.

It's old Mickey Mantle.

Hey, will you look

at these cards?

Roger Maris. Willie Mays.

These were the kings.

- Hey, who do you have?

- Nellie Fox.

Nellie?

You mean, they let girls

play then too?

No, no. It's short for Nelson.

Great second baseman, White Sox.

Now, keep your hand

in the same place

for every flip. Control.

Oh, and lose

the first round or two.

'On purpose,

then raise the bet.'

Work the old con.

Oh, never go double or nothing.

Sucker bet.

Alright, you call it.

Even.

- Hey!

- I did it.

Whoo-hoo! Nice going, hot-sh*t.

- Alright!

- Hey, alright.

Hey! Oop!

How about knocking

off the racket?

Oh, sorry, Mar.

We got carried away.

Nicholas just flip--

Okay, here I am

about to flunk out of school

and you two are playing

a loud mouth patty cake.

Oh, come on. Straight-A-Mary

about to flunk anything?

Tell us the truth,

you got a B plus

in something

and panicked, right?

That's just perfect, David.

You know something?

You're like everybody else

in this house.

You have no idea

what I'm going through

and you don't even care.

[door bangs]

[intense music]

That's reason number

why I need to live alone.

By this time,

I have a cramp in my leg

and the cop has to help me

out of the car

and all the while,

he thinks we're kind of

some kind of weirdos.

- You are.

- I know.

Nice goin', Tommy.

Hey, I couldn't help it

if she got a cramp in her leg.

This is the second time

this week

I've been stuck doing dishes,

it's not fair.

Oh, come on, Elizabeth,

we're all chippin' in

so Mary has time off to study.

Yeah, well, how about giving me

time off to study?

g*ng, let's keep it down,

huh, please.

Oh, yeah, Mary's studying.

(Mary)

'No way!'

It'd be like trying

to study in a school yard

'during recess.'

(Tom)

'Where are you going?'

To the library until it closes

then maybe to a nice,

busy bus station.

Hey, you want me to drive you?

Don't bother,

look if I fail anatomy

I have to repeat the whole year.

Not just that one course.

The whole rotten year.

Hey, it's no bother,

I'll just drop you off

and pick you up when it closes.

Forget it, Tommy,

I just don't have time to waste

on your, your juvenile games,

your, your hair combing

and your long slow drives

past the hangouts.

Why couldn't you've given me

to the family next door

so I could have been

an only child.

That's enough!

Alright, Mary, I'd like a word

with you in the other room.

[intense music]

Alright, look, dad,

I-I know that you're upset

because I popped up to Tommy.

Okay, I'm sorry, dad.

But right now,

I happen to have a lot of--

Wrong, I'm tired of your

popping off to all of us.

I'm fed up with your yelling

and complaining about sexist

and bigot and noise

and this awful

inconsiderate family.

You want a place of your own?

You've got it.

Here's a check for $.

Go get a room for yourself

some place and move in.

Give us some peace and quiet.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[knock on door]

(David)

'This is the house detective.'

'Do you have a man

in your room?'

I don't even have

a room in my room.

Hi, come in.

Well, this is it.

It's not bad, huh?

Well, make yourself comfortable.

- Thanks.

- Hmm.

Ohh.

Soft, very soft.

Yeah.

Well, uh...how's school?

Not bad.

I'm still holding on

to my A in biochem.

Trouble is, I'm spending

so much time on anatomy

that I booted a snap quiz

in cardiovascular.

You know,

it's like a trained dog act.

If you don't keep your eyes

on everybody all the time

one of those little terriers

sneaks up by and

gives you a bite.

Well, um...how's work?

'Good, good. Keeping busy.'

How's your scar?

My what?

Don't you remember,

when we were little

and you went to visit

Auntie V for two weeks.

We met you at the airport

and I was so glad to see you

'I took you for a ride

on my shoulders.'

And then you tripped

and you dropped me

on my head on the concrete.

I thought I split

your head wide open.

For the next month,

you were always trying

to make it up to me.

My big brother.

Mary.

Anything I can do

to make it better now?

Thanks, David.

[sighs]

If I come up with anything..

...you'll be the first to know.

I'm gonna hold you

to it...if I can get up.

Oh, I'll help you.

I-David, um...you forgot to

tell me how you like the place.

No, I didn't.

[door closes]

That room has got

only one window

and the whole place

smells like disinfectant.

Give me the pliers.

From the looks of it,

only one of the burners

in the hot plate works.

And the bath tub leaks.

Noisy leaking.

Doop, doop, doop.

It's like the Chinese

water t*rture.

Eh, look, David,

I know what you're trying to do.

I'm afraid it won't work.

Mary has a desk, a bed and food.

And a nice quiet place

to study, that's all she needs.

And now, it's nice

and quiet for us too.

[yells]

Ow!

Extremely quiet.

[knock on door]

(Tom)

'Come in.'

Dad, can we talk to you?

We?

- Dad--

- Stop, I know why you're here.

It won't do you any good.

At least hear us out.

Okay, but I've already

made up my mind.

I really believe

that giving Mary

a place to be alone is the best

thing for her...and for us.

Okay. Okay.

- Now can we talk about Tommy?

- Tommy?

You've gotta teach him to drive.

We resign.

Yeah, I refuse to scrunch down

on the car floor anymore.

- 'It's your car.'

- 'And your insurance.'

Those left turns alone

should to be declared illegal.

I thought they already were.

Six down and two to go.

[tires screeching]

[screeching continues]

You know something, dad,

to tell you the truth

I was really worried

about driving with you at first.

You know,

how parents are and stuff.

But you haven't yelled

or criticized me once.

Oh..

I really appreciate

your vote of confidence.

Ahh..

[screeching]

Well, how about that?

It's just like

the big time, huh?

Well, how did I do?

He is the worst driver.

He makes the mistake

at every stop sign.

He either stops a feet

short or he goes halfway

into the intersection.

And his turns...they have

to be seen to be believed.

I guess evidently he's afraid

of getting his hair messed

if the wind comes

through the open window.

So, every time

he has to make a turn

he turns his head

slightly to the right

and he looks out

of the corner of his eye.

[laughs]

Oh, Tom.

What are you doing about it?

- 'Nothing.'

- Tom!

Well, come on,

you don't wanna repeat

of the term paper episode,

do you?

It might make

a worse driver out of him.

Well, it doesn't sound possible

from the way you describe it.

You know, you are

the one that said that

parents shouldn't be tutors.

Well, there is a little more

at stake here

than failing

in English composition.

Yeah, my sanity.

No, actually,

I was referring...to your life.

He wouldn't.

Not on purpose.

Still going at it, huh, kid?

Yeah, I got better.

You wanna see?

No, not particularly.

You going driving

with dad again?

Yup.

- Hi, Nicholas.

- Hi.

Oh. Oh, boy,

that isn't the Red Baron.

Hey, how's dad holdin' up?

Dad happens to be holding up

just fine, thank you.

And he hasn't had one word

of criticism so far.

You're kidding.

No. You know, he just

sits there perfectly relaxed.

Dad, relaxed?

Yeah, it's kind of weird.

You know, it makes me nervous.

Well, what you rather him do?

Flip out?

Well, at least,

I know it was really dad

sitting next to me,

not some kind of a robot.

Hey, Nicholas,

I thought I told you

to use the wrist,

not the forearm.

- But David's--

- Forget what David said.

He's too old to remember now.

Let me see you

give it some wrist.

Alright, if you say so.

But you show me first.

Okay.

Lots of wrist, okay?

Let me see it. That's right.

See? It works every time.

How about some baloney?

Oh, yeah, sure,

lots of protein. Good.

You know what Mary really needs

is a refrigerator.

Yeah, but for that rent,

she's lucky

she's got a bed and a sink.

How about some grape fruit?

Oh, good. Lots of Vitamin C.

Yeah.

Who would have ever thought

we'd be getting out

the care packet

for our big sister.

Yeah, well, remember,

we used to do that for David

all the time

when he was on work and study.

Yeah.

- Eww.

- What?

Look what I found

under the salad crisper?

That is Daisy's fruit cake

from last Christmas.

It's still wrapped.

Untouched by human hands.

Oh, boy,

anything that goes untouched

in this refrigerator

has to be awful.

Should we?

Why not?

Merry Christmas, Mary.

Ho-ho-ho, Mary.

(David)

'Oh, God!'

Hey, lady, want a ride?

No lady would get

into that heap.

Hi.

Remember Sandy Johnson?

We were arrested together

for sitting in at the presidio?

Cute. Long, blonde hair.

A whacko.

Yeah, that's the one.

I just ran into her

and her boyfriend.

Boy...they really

have it together.

How so?

Well, well, she makes these,

these old fashioned clothes

and he does organic gardening.

They live in this converted bus

that they drive around

to fairs and swap meets.

Last week,

they were headed up to Big Sur

and now they're over

in Mendocino.

Sounds like a simple existence.

For sure.

Lot different from

the dog-eat-dog world I live in.

Right.

No challenges...no competition.

Instead of discussing

the latest advances in medicine

you can talk about

the compost heap.

You know something, David?

I-I should have known,

that running into you

at this end of town was just

too much of a coincidence.

Hey. Come on, Mary,

I'm on your side.

Oh, sure you are.

You are Frankman, you also think

med school's too tough for me?

That-that maybe I should quit

and go into nursing?

Where'd you get the idea that

becoming a nurse was so easy?

Oh, swell, now I'm not even

bright enough to become a nurse.

Mary, hold on.

I think you're bright enough

to be anything you want to.

Only right now you're too dumb

to see what's getting

in your way.

I know what's getting in my way.

Men who refuse to budge.

Haven't you about

used that one up?

What do you know about sexism?

I know it exists.

I also know

that lack of privacy exits.

I know that everything you've

been complaining about exists.

But I don't think they're

reasons why you're busting

out of medical school,

I think they're excuses.

Excuses?

Anything to keep from facing

what's really messing

up your head.

Your image of what Mary's

supposed to be.

You can't stand

that you're not still

the brightest and best.

You can't stand

not being number one.

David.

That's what I call

being really dumb.

But that's the story,

Dr. Max. Period.

Except for two courses,

I'm barely passing.

That's med school.

Now, that's a joke.

Mary, you don't have to make

A's in everything

to be a good doctor.

All you have to do

is apply what you learn.

Yeah, well, try that philosophy

on your Frankman.

Listen, Frankman maybe the worst

misogynist in the entire state.

But he's scrupulous

when it comes to grades.

He wouldn't give you a fail

unless you do any failing work.

Just when I think

I understand it--

Ahh, there's your trouble.

Don't try to understand it.

Anatomy is cold,

brute, memorization.

All you have to do

is memorize the entire body.

Do...the entire bo..

Dr. Max,

d-do you remember how hard

it is to, to memorize that much?

Oh, yes, yes.

I found the way

to get through it

was to use the, um,

word association techniques.

You know, like, uh, mnemonics.

Oh, you mean like,

like what Nicholas came up with

to help Abby remember

all of our names.

Dumb Martian.

Just Sit Nearby

Eating Tender Noodles.

David...Mary...Joannie..

...Susan, Nancy, Elizabeth,

Tommy, Nicholas.

See?

You mean it works.

You can b*at it.

I started over with a phrase

that I used to memorize

the cranial nerves.

Well, what was it?

I'll use it.

Well, it was little graphic.

Oh, come on,

I'm almost a doctor myself.

Well...after you are a doctor

and practicing

for a while, then...maybe.

[knock on door]

- Hi.

- Hi.

You still on my side?

Always.

You still think

I'm bright enough

to be anything I want to be?

Well, more or less.

You still wanna pay off

trying to split my skull?

Do I have any choice?

No.

Come on in.

[instrumental music]

My first plan was to toss

it in your lap, dad

because you're the expert

with words.

But then, I thought, no,

why put dad to all that work.

Why not use the whole family?

Each of us takes

a part of the body

and drills it into Mary's head.

David, that's a terrific idea.

'So, if we broke

the body down to sections'

how many would that be, Mary?

- Oh, there's six major..

- Six?

N-no, wait a minute, uh,

better make that eight.

Eight, that's good

because we can't

use Nicholas, right?

We have dad and Abby,

so we can each have a part.

(Abby)

'And what do you think, Tom?'

Well, uh, that's certainly

some good thinking.

Um, daddy, uh, I, uh,

I have this friend

uh, his name's Barny and

he says that the only advantage

to living alone is

that you never have to wait

for the bathroom.

Okay, look, I didn't think

that this was a very good idea

from the very beginning.

But...well, David,

he-he was so persuasive and..

Dad, I need the help.

Mary...you have to understand--

I promise I won't yell.

No, it's not that, I--

(Mary)

'Not loud anyway.'

We'll even let you

have the easiest parts.

Like the elbow.

What would a nice guy like me

do with a joint like that?

Up top is the deltoid..

...broken down

into clavicular...chromeo..

...and scapula.

Is this the deltoid right here?

Uh-huh.

And, uh,

"Supraspinatus, infraspinatus."

I wonder why my left deltoid

keeps getting so sore?

Go easy on sticking your arm out

the car window on cold nights.

Ligaments of the knee joint.

Always leave oranges at Tony's..

...for Carol's a pretty

mysterious little trouble.

Articular capsule, ligamentum

patella, oblique pablito.

You know,

Roger keeps telling me

I have nice knees.

What do you think, Mary?

...labi..

...superiores..

- ...raises upper lip.

- Right.

Next.

Hmm.

Zygomaticus minor.

- Right.

- Okay.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Zygomaticus major. Laughter.

Well, if it isn't thyroid

and parathyroid, just in time.

Not to mention the stylo

and salpingopharyngeus.

How's it going on your part

of the head?

Well, we're having

a little trouble

with the cerebral peduncles.

No, what will we do?

I told her to take two aspirin

and call me in the morning.

[laughs]

I still don't understand

why I can't ask questions

like anybody else?

Is it 'cause I'm too young?

I think it's the words,

Nicholas.

You mean,

I'm too young to hear them?

No, you're too young

to say them.

They're very, very difficult.

I can too say 'em

and I know most of them already.

This is the elbow,

this is the knee

and this is the nose

and this is the tooth.

And I know all

the R-rated ones already.

But I'm working

on the X-rated ones.

Oh, hello, Barry.

Hi, it's Tom Bradford.

Uh..

Fine, fine, thank you.

Yes.

Eh-eh, Barry...I, I've been

thinking about expanding

my car insurance coverage.

Uh.. Oh, ha-ha-ha,

that-that, that's funny, Barry.

You are a real con.

No, no, no, I'm not interested

in the cash value,

car insurance policy.

I.. Well, we were thinking

of adding an extra driver

in the family..

...if I can live through it.

No, no, no-no,

I-I didn't say anything.

Yes, I know, that,

that makes eight

but Nicholas

still doesn't drive.

Uh, Tommy...sixteen.

It does?

That much?

For one extra driver?

Ohh, male, under ,

of course, yes.

Well, we've still got

nine years to go, that's all.

Listen, Barry..

...while we're at it..

...uh, c-could I talk to you

about my...life insurance?

Would you please pass

the ketchupus tomatoinsis?

For your ovum fridum?

No, for his

porkus sausagiacular.

Cutis, Joannie, very cutis.

Anybody for lactus bovinica?

Am I allowed to hear

this stuff or not?

- Oh, good morning.

- Hi, dad.

Tommy, what time do you get out

of the school today?

:.

I'll pick you up at : sharp.

(Tommy)

'Okay.'

Hey, Tommy, how's dad

as a driving teacher?

Well, I'm not really sure

where he is.

It's like learning

from a statue.

[instrumental music]

[tires screeching]

[car honking]

Boy, weird drivers.

Enough!

From now on, you keep looking

in the direction

that you're turning!

Do you understand?

'You keep both hands

on the steering wheel'

'in the proper position.'

You see that pedal down there?

That's known as an accelerator.

'You understand?'

'You're supposed

to handle it with care'

and finesse,

you don't just stomp on it.

And yellow lights,

you don't run yellow lights.

Do you understand?

Are you smiling at me?

Oh, no, dad, I'm not smiling.

Just proceed with caution.

And keep the automobile

under proper control.

You sure you're not

smiling at me?

I can't help it, dad.

It's just good

to have you back.

Just watch the road.

Anything you say, dad.

You really do care, don't you?

[instrumental music]

[engine turns over]

[crickets chirping]

Oh, how's it going in there?

Well, it's going.

I tell you that is a very

determined young woman.

I know, I'm startin' to worry.

She's not getting much rest

with all those round the clock

study sessions.

Well, she better get used to it.

I mean, it gets worse

after you graduate.

She'll manage, I mean,

look at Max, he manages

to get an hours a week.

I mean, Tom, it's different

being a woman doctor.

I mean, the chances are

that when Mary comes home

after a tough day,

she'll have to do the cooking

and possibly

even a little cleaning.

[knock on door]

Hey, hey, Abby, you should hear

what Mary just said.

- What?

- Oh, hi, dad.

(Mary)

'Elizabeth, will you

get back here?'

'We haven't finished.'

[door closes]

A very determined young woman.

Well, I thought I heard

somebody down here.

I couldn't sleep.

And I've reached a saturation

point with cramming.

Tomorrow is the day.

- Yeah.

- One way or the other.

How do you think you'll do?

[sighs]

I'm gonna knock

that exam so hard.

High B, I hope.

Will that be enough?

To pass the course? Yup.

No, I was wondering if a high B

would be enough for you?

No.

It'll never be enough.

But I'll live with it.

Dad, I've stopped worrying

about not being the brightest

kid on the block.

Right now, the only thing

I wanna be best at is me.

And I'm gonna be the best

Mary Bradford you ever saw.

You are the best

Mary Bradford I ever saw.

Thank you, daddy.

But the way

I've been acting lately..

...jumping on everybody,

yelling, screaming, blaming them

for my problems...I don't

deserve the compliment.

It wasn't a compliment.

Oh.

It was a statement of fact.

Mary, you've always

been an independent

strong minded,

argumentative person.

You are one tough cookie.

And I wouldn't have it

any other way.

You wouldn't?

Because that's the Mary Bradford

that I know and love.

Miss Bradford, there are still

twelve minutes remaining

in the time allotted

for the examination.

Perhaps, you could use the time

to your advantage

by going back over

some of the things

you may have missed.

Thank you, Dr. Frankman

but I've answered

all the questions.

I don't see why I would

wanna change anything.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

What kind of throw is that?

David taught it to me.

And you went for it.

You wanna flip?

If you wanna get b*at.

Even.

I b*at.

Impossible.

Wanna try again?

No, thanks, if you can win

with a dumb throw

like that,

then you're just too lucky.

Who says it's a dumb throw?

Anyone who knows anything.

Sore loser.

You wanna flip a few?

I think I should,

now that you know my secret.

Come on, you go first.

Odds.

'You lose.'

[sighs]

Wanna go double or nothin'?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

[theme music]

[music continues]