03x20 - Just the Ten of Us

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

Oh..

Hi, Nicholas.

Hi, dad.

How long have

you been home?

Uh.. A while.

Why?

I-I-I thought I saw you

walking home with a girl.

I stopped to give you a lift

but by the time I turned around,

you were gone.

A girl? Nah!

I'd never walk home with a girl.

Must have been somebody else.

Oh, that's what I thought,

but, sure looked like you.

[telephone rings]

Excuse me.

Hello.

Oh, yes, yes.

He's here.

Just a minute.

Nicholas, it's for you.

I think it's a girl.

Her name is

Polly Sanders?

Um..

We're doing a book report.

See you later, Nicholas.

[instrumental music]

I thought I told you,

never to call me here.

[theme song]

♪ There's a magic in the early ♪

♪ Morning we've found ♪

♪ When the sunrise smiles on ♪

♪ Everything around ♪

♪ It's a portrait of

the happiness ♪

♪ That we feel and always will ♪

♪ Oh eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days ♪

♪ Like bright and

shiny new dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪

♪ By the changing times ♪

♪ There's a plate

of homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪

♪ And eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪

[instrumental music]

I wanna spend the night.

That would be nice.

Except you have to go

to work at :.

Which means you have to get up

at : to go home and change

and that's only three hours

from now.

Once again, practicality and

reason rears its ugly head.

There's a solution

to our problem.

And what might that be?

We could move in together.

It's just a reminder.

You said you'd think about it.

I know.

And I'm getting around

to thinking about it.

I'm not asking for

any commitments.

I'm just trying to

simplify our life.

- At your place?

- I could settle for yours.

With certain

redecorating privileges.

In that case,

we'll think about it harder.

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

- Hey.

- Hi.

Well, what do you think,

is it really me?

Well, it's a little

hard to think of the van

as Tommy Bradford.

It's still more

David Bradford.

Yeah, my point exactly.

You know, I met this girl

in the school parking lot today

and she was really interested

until she saw my van.

She was totally underwhelmed.

You know, I think a man's wheels

really oughta make a statement

about who he is, you know.

Now, what does this van

say to you about me?

- Not much.

- Yeah, I know.

But, what if it had a

shag carpet, a souped-up engine

quadraphonic sound, dual exhaust

and a velocity stack on the car.

Then what would it

say to you?

Uh, intriguing.

Ah, you took the words,

right outta my mouth.

Yeah, and you'll be taking the

bucks right outta your pocket.

How do you intend to finance

this personality change?

Oh, that's easy.

I'll buy all the parts

second hand from a wrecking yard

and do all the work myself.

You can do all that

mechanical stuff?

Um, no, but I can learn.

You just wait.

One day old super van here

will be carting around

Melanie Cosway

and other fine ladies.

Well, lucky them.

The who has done what?

The society for the preservation

of the nuclear family.

SPNF, for short.

Well, they've accepted your

nomination

for their

"Father of the Year" award.

But why me?

Tom, you must admit,

you've been rather

rather productive

in that area.

Come on, Elliot, please.

Why, I took the liberty

of sending in

your nomination myself.

Oh, then it was you.

Well, no thanks, Elliot

I've had enough awards

this year.

Aww, now come on, Tom,

you mustn't be so modest.

You deserve all the recognition

you can get.

And so does the paper.

Oh, now I get it.

A little free publicity

for "The Register."

Thanks a lot.

But no thanks.

Well, I really wish

you'd reconsider

as a favor to an old friend.

- And employer.

- Oh..

Well, since you put it that way

I don't have to make

any speeches now, do I?

No, of course not.

Oh, you'll be expected to do

a few little things.

In the next few days..

A representative from

the society for the preservation

of the nuclear family

or SPNF for short,

is coming to visit.

His name is Robert Mayberry.

And he's coming here to

interview the whole family

to assess my qualifications

for their

"Father of the year" award.

Ah, another award.

Don't you have enough notches on

your typewriter already, dad?

Please, don't be sarcastic now.

This is very important

to "The Register."

We all have to do

the best we can.

Do we get double allowances if

we give you a great buil-dup?

No, no. This all has

to be on the up and up.

We must tell the truth

and let the chips

and the awards

fall where they may.

Oh, there goes

all the fun.

(Tom)

'Just consider it,

as part of the dues'

that we must pay

for being a Bradford.

Oh, and I almost forgot.

I guess I should mention this

the winner gets

a free trip for himself

and his whole family to Hawaii.

Am I hallucinating

or did I just hear someone

mention a trip to Hawaii?

If you are,

it's contagious.

I've always wanted

to go to Hawaii.

Really?

Surfboards, water skiing, luau.

Really?

You know, suddenly I get

this feeling that

it's our moral duty to

make sure dad wins that award.

Yeah, but he said

to tell the truth.

Hey, that's no problem.

Dad's a great father. Look at

the terrific kids he turned out.

Yeah, anyway,

dad's a shoe-in.

When Mayberry comes,

we'll just tell it like it is.

[clearing throat]

Well...like it almost is.

[instrumental music]

Hello.

David.

- Hi.

- 'Hi.'

- You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

So what's going on? You said you

had a big surprise for me.

Yeah.

I just want you to be the first

to know that

you have a new roommate

and a new residence.

Are you serious?

Yeah. Very serious.

How about you?

Oh, David.

Well, I carefully weighed

the pros and cons and..

...I decided to do it anyway.

It'll workout, David,

I know it will.

Oh, in that case,

why don't we start

things off in the right foot.

Come on.

[music continues]

[laughing]

Oh!

I love you, David Bradford.

- My sentiments exactly.

- Oh, say it.

Okay.

I love you, too.

[music continues]

- Dad!

- Oh, wow, you remember my face.

I haven't seen you in so long,

I was beginning to wonder

if you'll recognize me.

So, I brought you

some breakfast.

I know you remember breakfast.

May I come in?

Yeah, I guess.

You might as well.

Might as well?

Am I intruding or something?

I just wish I had a better

chance to prepare you.

Prepare me?

For what?

Good morning, Mr. Bradford.

Oh..

Yeah, it is morning,

isn't it?

We were going to tell you

about this, Mr. Bradford.

Tell me about it, what?

Y-y-you mean you eloped.

No, no. But Janet's gonna be

living with me.

[instrumental music]

Oh..

Well I..

I didn't bring enough breakfast

for the three of us, so..

...I'll just leave it with you.

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

(Tom)

How could they even do this?

Tom, I know how you feel

and I agree

that a wedding would've

been lovely.

But if -year-old David wants

to live with -year-old Janet

Well, then there's nothing

we can do about it.

Ah! Why do my kids always have

to do everything the hard way?

You're afraid David's gonna get

hurt, it that right?

Yes, there's no such thing

as a half commitment.

You don't avoid problems

by avoiding marriage.

What's gonna carry them over

the rough spots?

How about love?

Well, if they're

that much in love

why're they having a trial run?

Why don't they get married?

Maybe they're not ready

for marriage.

If David isn't ready

for marriage

why is he ready for the problems

of living as if he were?

I tell you,

I don't understand it.

How would David have felt

if you and I had lived together?

Then you wouldn't

have understood.

[chuckles]

What did you say to David?

Oh, gosh,

don't remind me.

I-I was in such

a state of shock

I probably made

a fool of myself.

What are you gonna say

to the kids?

Don't worry about it.

I think I hear the drums

b*ating now.

Mary, have you heard?

David and Janet

are living together.

- Yes, I had a hunch.

- You did?

- Umm.

- The details or your life.

I don't believe it,

David down for the count.

David and Janet? What happened

to Andrea, Sharon and Cindy?

You mean there's not gonna

be a wedding?

I thought David had more respect

for himself and for Janet.

That devil!

What's going on around here?

Uh, why, what do you mean,

Nicholas?

Well, everybody is whispering

about David and Janet.

When I walk into the room

they act like I caught them

doing something wrong.

- What gives?

- Oh, don't worry about it.

You wouldn't be interested.

It-it's grown up stuff.

Boy, if you have to pull

that grown up stuff

this must be

a really heavy one.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

You're just in time to help.

Here, hold this.

Eww..

Tommy, do you know

Scott Shelly?

He's on the basketball team.

Uh, yeah. Hand me that

crescent wrench, will you?

He's kinda cute,

don't you think?

Boy, this had better fit,

or I'm in big trouble.

I mean, cute in a tall

sort of way.

[sighs]

Man, this baby is

gonna run like a demon.

You know, the problem is,

he's so hard to get to know.

I think he's really shy.

Let's see, does this tube go

over there or over here?

How do you think I should

get him to ask me out?

If you were him,

would you ask me out?

You want me to ask you

out on a date?

No, stupid.

Scott Shelly.

You want me to ask

Scott Shelly out on a date?

Haven't you been listenin'?

I wanna go out with

Scott Shelly.

Oh..

Scott Shelly's a jerk.

You don't wanna

go out with him.

Thanks a lot for the advice.

Hey, don't mention it.

[doorbell ringing]

Oh, shucks.

- 'Hello.'

- Hello, Mr. Bradford?

I'm Robert L. Mayberry

from the society for the

preservation of nuclear family.

Oh, yes, right.

SPNF for short.

- Won't you come in?

- Oh, thank you.

I-I-I tell you,

I was just on my way out.

Oh, well, actually I'm here

to interview

your children and your wife.

Oh, wonderful, wonderful.

Well then, I'll tell Abby

that you're here.

A-Abby!

Mr. Mayberry is here.

Come on down.

She'll be right down. Maybe I'll

see you when I get back.

Have a nice day,

Mr. Mayberry.

Abby!

- Hi.

- Oh..

[chuckles]

Uh, may I help you?

Robert L. Mayberry,

I'm waiting for Mrs. Bradford.

Oh, well, hi.

I'm Joannie Bradford.

I'll see if she's upstairs.

Oh, I think we got everything.

- Hey, hi, how you doing?

- Hello.

I'm Robert L. Mayberry.

Oh, are you waiting

for somebody?

Oh, well, actually,

Joannie said that--

Oh, Joannie,

she'll take forever.

Yeah, let's go see if we can

hurry her up.

- Oh, uh--

- Hello.

Oh, hello.

I'm Robert L. Mayberry.

Hi, Mary Bradford.

Who were you waiting for?

Oh, well,

originally Mrs. Bradford.

Oh, Abby, Abby's in the kitchen,

I think.

I'll go get her.

Just a minute.

Oh, and uh..

- Hello.

- Hi.

Um..

Excuse me, Bob Mayberry.

This is Tommy,

Elizabeth Bradford.

- How do you do?

- Hi, Bob.

- Uh, it's Robert L.

- Robert L.

Uh, Abby's not in the kitchen,

she must be upstairs.

Why don't you take off your

coat, make yourself comfortable.

I'll be right back.

Hey, who's that

guy out there?

I don't know, it's somebody

waiting for Joannie.

Mary said something

about Abby.

Wait a minute, Mayberry,

where have I heard that before?

I don't know, it has

a familiar ring to it.

Ring?

Diamond?

Diamond Head?

- Hawaii!

- Oh, no.

[instrumental music]

Mr. Mayberry, hello.

Reverend Mayberry.

So sorry.

- Here, let me take your coat.

- Oh, sorry about--

[indistinct chatter]

Are you sure

we have to do this?

We gotta get it

over with sometime.

I think, I'd rather

be taking my bar exam.

Oh, Janet, you just don't know

how happy we are that David's

finally settling down.

- It's about time, believe me.

- Really?

And as token of our appreciation

we gotta present for you.

Oh, Susan, you don't have to

give me a present.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I insist.

Well, actually, it's a present

for both you and David.

I took the liberty

of writing down

some of his favorite recipes.

- But, Susan--

- Uh, Janet.

Everybody knows that the way to

David's heart is

through his appetite.

Be right back.

Well, Janet

now that we're finally alone,

tell me..

...how's it going with David?

Well, it's only been

a few days, Mary.

Oh, I know that but..

Well, it's not too early

for some good advice.

Uh, David has got to be treated

very, very carefully.

You gotta keep

a tight rein on him.

[telephone rings]

Let him know that you care.

Otherwise, he gets

really insecure.

And there's not many people

who know that about David.

But, but believe me,

a sister knows.

Mary, telephone for you.

- I'll be right back.

- Okay.

Oh, Janet, I'm so happy

for you and David.

You make such a nice couple.

Thanks.

Oh, I mean..

If you knew all the girls

that have come and gone.

Listen, can I give you

some advice?

David is a very complex person.

I mean, he needs to feel free.

'Y-y-you know what I mean?'

'The secret to keeping David

would be..'

Well, as the Syrian poet

Hashi Al-Qatar says

"Hold him with open arms."

"Hold him with open arms."

'"Don't hover, don't intrude."'

Do you know what I mean?

These are things that a sister

really knows.

You're just the man

I wanted to see.

Take a look.

Presenting...the ultimate.

Oh, my..

The ultimate what?

Oh, hey, come take

a look at the engine.

I got it all souped-up.

Are you ready?

Hey, Tommy, this van

is very sensitive.

It took tender loving care to

keep it running all those years.

'You know, if you've tampered

with it too much'

'I don't know

what might happen.'

'It might have

a nervous breakdown.'

Hey, David, no problem.

I did all of

the work personally.

Hey, I'm sorry, big fella,

if I had known this was coming

I would've taken it

to the junk yard

and put you out your misery.

Janet, here's your recipes.

And guess what? Tonight we're

having David's all time

number six favorite recipe

for desserts.

So you'll be able to see

exactly how he likes it fixed.

Well, actually Susan we take

turns preparing our meals.

Oh, Janet,

that's very dangerous.

David has to be fussed over.

- David?

- Yeah, David.

Ah, no, Janet,

she's wrong.

Oh, yeah,

don't listen to her.

She doesn't know

what she's talking about.

- David?

- Yeah!

Uh, did I hear someone

mention dinner?

So, tell me, Janet, how are

things going at law school?

Great, Mr. Bradford.

Just the other day--

Um, I think the law's so

fascinating. Oh, thank you.

It's just like a real life

drama, don't you think?

Yeah, it really is.

Especially criminal law.

Hey, I think it should be

a trip defending a criminal.

But all the big bucks

I hear are in corporate law.

Well, I wouldn't know

about that?

'Cause most of our cases--

I'll bet they're

malpractice suits.

I mean, by the time that

I'm a doctor

I'm gonna need a relative

who's a lawyer. Ha..

'What I meant was that,

a friend would do.'

Can I ask you a question?

What's going on

with David and Janet

that I'm not supposed to

know about?

Nicholas, please.

You're embarrassing our guest.

No, dad, it's alright. Nicholas,

Janet and I are living together.

Oh, but aren't people who live

together supposed to be married?

How come you didn't invite me

to the wedding?

- There hasn't been a wedding.

- I don't get it.

If there hasn't been a wedding--

Nicholas, you'll understand

when you get older.

That's the end

of the discussion.

Boy, everybody else in this

family can be older, except me.

Oh, poor Janet.

Nicholas really embarrassed her.

Don't worry about Janet.

She'll get over it.

Worry about us

getting to Hawaii.

Yeah, when Nicholas tells

the Reverend Robert L

about Janet and David,

it'll blow everything.

Ha-ha, really, there's nothing

very nuclear about

David and Janet's

living arrangements.

Why did Janet have to come in

David's life right now, anyway?

Oh, now, now, now.

Calm down, Nancy.

No big deal,

we'll just have to keep

Nicholas away from

the reverend and not mention

Janet and David's

living arrangements.

Yeah, is that

really honest?

We'll talk about it

in Hawaii.

You haven't said a word

since we left the house.

I'm sorry. Your family left me

a little speechless.

Yes, they can be

a little overwhelming.

They're just trying to

make you feel at home.

I felt at home alright.

Nicholas is upset with us.

You father's uncomfortable

every time he looks at me.

'I got four kinds of advice

on how to conduct our romance.'

Oh, Tommy wants me

to check over

his new tape deck

warranty for..

...legal loop holes.

In your spare time.

What spare time?

What'd you say?

Oh, nothing.

- Oh, hi.

- Hello.

I.. I hope

I'm not intruding

but I have a few more

Bradford's to talk to.

Oh, of course not,

come on in.

Ah, do you have

a few minutes?

Uh, me? Well, gee,

I'm going downtown.

You see, there's a sale

and I'm kind of in a hurry but

maybe you could talk to some of

the other kids in the house?

- Hi.

- Oh, Nicholas.

On the other hand, maybe I do

have a few extra minutes

that I can spare.

I mean,

I know how important it is

for you to get

the whole picture.

Uh, Nicholas, Abby want's you in

the kitchen right now.

This is a beauty.

It is a total classic.

You're gonna love it.

Yeah, it's a classic.

- It's great.

- Where's Abby?

How should I know?

But Nancy said,

she was in here and she--

Shh!

Talkin' to Melanie Cosway.

If anybody wants me,

I'll be in my clubhouse.

I'm sorry, Melanie,

it was my little brother.

Anyway, how would you like

to take a ride in my wheels?

Yeah, well, it used to belong

to my older brother

but there have been

a few modifications.

Yeah, I'd like to

show 'em to you.

Friday?

Yeah, that'll be great.

Alright, bye-bye.

Out of sight.

[knocking on door]

- Who is it?

- 'It's Elizabeth.'

- Hi.

- Hi, how's it goin'?

Fine.

Uh, David's not here.

Well, actually

I came by to see you.

I need some advice,

so, you got a minute?

Sure.

Sit down.

So, what kind of

advice do you need?

Well, now see,

there's this guy at school.

And he's really cute

and everything

but he's quiet and shy.

You know, a lot like David.

So, anyway, I'm trying

to figure out

how to get him to

ask me out.

So, why don't you

just ask him out?

Is that how you got David?

You took the initiative.

No. Not really.

Um..

All I can tell you is just

to be yourself.

Oh, but I'm shy too.

And I find myself

and he's himself

then we'll never

get anywhere.

I bet you put some good

moves on David.

I mean, to get him to let you

move in and everything, right?

Ah, I didn't put

any moves on him.

It was a mutual decision.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean

to pry into your..

...trade secrets.

Trade secrets?

Hi, what are you doing here?

Oh, just girl talk.

We're through.

- How's it going?

- Fine.

Uh, gotta get ready for class,

if you'll excuse me please.

- Something the matter?

- No, nothing's wrong, I'm..

I gotta get home

for dinner, bye.

Bye.

See you later.

Umm..

You want another piece of

"Danny's magic pizza?"

Mm-hmm.

How elegant.

[chuckles]

Don't worry, the real

David Bradford will soon emerge

with torn t-shirt

and a can of beer.

I can handle that.

[knocking on door]

[clearing throat]

Hey, David, hi.

I hope I'm not

intruding to much.

No, no, no, Janet and I

are just having a little dinner.

Oh, well, maybe I can

come back a little later?

- Is it something important?

- Well, kinda.

You see I'm on

the remodeling committee

down at the day care center and

I promised to work out a budget

but I don't know anything

about construction

and it has to be done tomorrow.

'It'll only take a couple

of minutes, now, please.'

- Come on in.

- Oh, thanks.

Oh..

- Hey, Janet, hi.

- Hi.

Would you care for

a piece of pizza?

We have vegetarian bonanza

and idiot's delight?

Oh, no thanks, I already ate.

I'll just...wait here.

Don't, don't mind me

I'll just..

- Aren't you hungry?

- No.

I think I've had

just about enough.

[dramatic music]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[telephone rings]

- Hello.

- Hello, Janet.

Hi, this is Nancy Bradford.

Is David there please?

Uh, yes.

Nancy where are you?

I'm at a party, oh!

And my date is soused.

Look, ah, I don't want to risk

driving home with him.

And he won't give me the

car keys, I can't drive home.

Look its after curfew,

and if I call dad, well

I'll be grounded for a week.

Do you think David

can give a ride home?

David's asleep, Nancy,

I could come.

Oh, no Janet,

I wouldn't wanna impose on you.

Oh, that's okay,

I've been there myself.

'I-I don't mind really.'

No, no, no, I couldn't.

I mean..

It's one thing if you are

family but I..

Okay, um, I'll get David.

Thanks.

I thought I was family.

[yawning]

You're out kinda late

last night, huh?

- Hmm, well just until curfew.

- Right.

Well, I didn't miss

by much.

[doorbell ringing]

- Hey, Nicholas, go get that.

- Why me?

Uh, because you're closest.

- You mean the smallest.

- That too.

I wonder who's here so early.

Well, probably somebody selling

something, or taking a survey.

Mayberry, oh!

Hello, Nicholas,

it's nice to see you--

Hello, Reverend Mayberry,

nice to see you.

Hello, I was just

about to get acquainted

with the youngest

Bradford at last.

Oh, well, Nicholas has to

go to school.

They get very nasty

when he's late.

Uh, how about if I give

Nicholas a ride to school

and then we can

talk on the way?

Oh, no, no, no, wait,

wait a minute.

I just remembered that I

forgot to tell you some

very significant things

about my father

very nuclear family

type things.

Very nuclear family?

Uh, Nancy, why don't we take

Nicholas to school now?

Okay, come on, Nicholas.

Hey, are you sure

I'm gonna understand

all this stuff

when I am older?

Uh..

Um, oh, well..

Uh, what was it

you wanted to tell me?

Oh, uh, yeah,

Reverend Mayberry.

This must be very exciting

work, huh?

You get to meet a lot of

interesting people--

Um, no, actually most of the

people I meet are quite boring.

That's why I'm enjoying you

Bradford's so much.

You're all so extremely,

uh, colorful.

- Even, a bit picante.

- Oh, picante, eh?

Is that good or bad?

You can take that

as a compliment.

Now, uh, what was it

you wanted to tell me before?

Uh, very nuclear

family, remember?

Oh, oh, yeah,

a very nuclear family.

Reverend Mayberry, I must tell

you about the time I dropped

a whole bowl of apple sauce

into my dad's lap.

It was a new suit, and he wasn't

even mad, can you believe that?

[clearing throat]

Ooh.

Did I ever tell you,

you are gorgeous?

Once or twice.

Can you believe it?

It's already our anniversary.

A whole week together and

it seems like only yesterday

we were just a couple of

crazy kids going steady.

And look at us now,

an old unmarried couple

in the twilight

of our years.

[sighs]

David..

You're not gonna wear

that tie are you?

No good.

Well, stripes and plaids

don't mix.

Oh, I knew I'd been doing

something wrong all these years.

- Excuse me.

- Certainly.

[music on stereo]

[tires screeching]

[engine cranking]

[horn honking]

[indistinct shouting]

- That's much better.

- Thank you.

You're welcome.

- Shall we go?

- Okay.

[telephone rings]

Oh, come on,

they'll call back later.

No, no,

I better get it.

Hello.

Oh, David am I glad

you're home.

This is an emergency,

I need help.

The van conked out in the middle

of Springfield Boulevard

and, and I can't

get it started.

'And I can't push it out of

the way, what do I do?'

And what is it,

the carburetor?

I don't know,

it just won't start.

The traffic is getting

backed up for blocks.

David, I need help.

Janet and I were just

going out the door.

(Tommy)

'David, this crowd

is getting ugly.'

'There's no telling what they

might do to me or the van.'

- What is it?

- Tommy's stuck with the van.

Look, David, they're gonna

roll the van over

if I don't do something quick.

Okay, okay, where are you?

'Springfield, the third.'

Alright, I'll be there

in minutes.

I'm sorry,

Tommy needs my help.

Call the restaurant,

see if you can make

a later reservation, okay?

Okay.

Oh!

Isn't it gorgeous?

I can just see myself

lying on the beach

getting a golden tan.

What are you gonna do?

Ooh, I think I'll explore

some of the remote islands.

Maybe rent a bike.

Oh, yeah, that'd be great,

we could go to..

Hello, guys,

what do you think?

Huh, super isn't it?

Oh, Nancy,

you're not wearing that.

Of course, I am,

you guys don't want me

to look like a tourist,

do you?

God forbid.

[chuckles]

What the devil. May I ask

what's going on in here?

Oh, hi, dad, you wanna learn

this dance? It's kind of fun.

Yeah, we're just gearing

up to att*ck Hawaii.

- Slightly premature, isn't it?

- No.

You're gonna win

the award, dad.

The society for the prevention

of the nuclear family

just has to see you're

the best choice.

Nancy, don't you mean

"Preservation?"

Oh, whatever.

Well, the votes

aren't even in yet.

So, I suggest

that you don't count

your luaus before they hatch.

[all laughing]

You see what I mean?

That's just what a perfect

father should say.

Yeah, you win.

Janet.

[keys jingling]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[dialing]

[dialing]

[engaged tone]

[engaged tone]

When did she leave?

Sometime last night.

No, note, nothing.

She just picked up and left.

After you went to

rescue Tommy, huh?

Yeah.

She never mentioned that

there was any kinda problem.

I don't understand.

Are you sure you don't know

why she left?

Of course, I'm sure.

- Hmm.

- What are you getting at?

Well, maybe a slight overdose

of the Bradford family.

I almost left home once

for the same reason.

Yeah, but, Abby,

that's different.

You married into a family

of eight children.

Janet's only living with me.

David, you are used to us.

For some people we're, um..

...a little overwhelming.

That's why you moved out

in the first place, remember?

Are we that bad?

No, no, you're not that bad.

Just a little

unaware sometimes.

I still feel like,

I'm in competition

with all of you

for Tom's attention.

But that's okay,

because I love you.

But see, Janet just didn't

have enough time

to have some of those feelings.

I see your point.

David..

You can't change who you are.

Your family is a very

real part of your life.

And if Janet is with you,

then they're a part of hers too.

Hey, David, getting ready

to play football this week?

We really need you.

Oh, boy, you don't want

us to get skunked, do you?

- No, no, I'll be there.

- Oh, good.

Oh, hey, David don't forget

to bring Janet.

Um, Janet resigned

from the team.

Huh? David..

What was that all about?

I think we should have

a little talk.

[knocking on door]

- Hi.

- Uh, hello.

Hi, um, we'd like

to talk to Janet.

We heard that she was

staying here.

Oh, well,

let me see if she's in.

Please tell her the Bradford's

are her to see her.

[sighs]

[clearing throat]

[knocking on door]

Yup.

Janet, there're bunch of people

here to see you.

They say their name's Bradford.

[sighs]

Oh, no.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Janet, uh..

I guess that you're not to..

...thrilled to see us

all right now.

Especially after what happened

between you and David but..

We wanna apologize,

we feel bad.

Oh, Janet, we didn't know,

we were interfering, honest.

Janet, we're a close family,

you know.

We're used to living on top

of each other, no privacy.

Just a lot of people

that care about each other.

Yeah, we just wanted to

make you feel at home.

I guess that sort of backfired,

we're really sorry.

I'm not sure why I'm here,

but I'm sorry too.

- Was that okay?

- Yes, that was okay.

That's it, I guess.

Thank you for giving us

a chance to apologize.

Bye.

- Bye.

- Sorry.

Look, I know it was..

It was stupid of me

to just run of

like that, but..

I didn't want to talk.

I just wanted to escape.

I never stopped to think that

leaving you would be

worse than facing you.

But what was it

you couldn't tell me?

Well, I guess..

David it's your family.

I know you love them and they're

wonderful really but

'I felt bombarded.'

I did not mean to

hurt you David.

But I, I wanted

to live with you.

Not your family.

I know.

Guess, I'm just used to it.

[music continues]

I didn't stop to think

what kind of effect

my family would have on you.

'But, Janet, I,

I'm a Bradford.'

They're part of me,

and I'm part of them.

And I hope you won't make me

choose between you and them.

I won't you both.

Janet, I, still love you

very much.

Ever since I left,

I've been miserable.

[both chuckle]

I still love you, too,

David Bradford.

Well then,

will you come back?

I could give it a try.

I don't promise my family

would change but I..

I promise you that they'll

respect our privacy.

But I wouldn't want

them to change.

I just want us to have

our family too.

- I think we can.

- Good.

Because, um..

...I took the liberty of

drawing up a contract.

What?

[clearing throat]

- Contract?

- Yes.

"Whereas the party of the first

part will love and respect

the party of the second part."

[both laughing]

So, if you'll just sign

down here.

No, no, not so fast.

I have to have my lawyer

look it over.

[both laughing]

The society took into account

a number of factors

in determining this

"Father of the year" award.

Accessibility to one's children,

outside interest

'community service,

family solidarity.'

'And perhaps most important..'

'...moral leadership.'

Bet you, dad scored

high on that one.

We are after all

living in a changing world.

A world in which the

traditional family values

are often cast out

for more, uh..

More expedient ways of living.

Dad sure isn't expedient.

The society is of

the conviction that it is

the nuclear family above

all other institutions

'that can best counteract

the erosion of these, uh..'

'...traditional family values.'

- David.

- Janet.

- Ow, excuse me.

- Um..

- Hello.

- Janet.

Are you guys still..

- I mean, you know.

- Yeah.

Oh!

- Ssh, hey.

- Oh, yeah.

Come on.

[indistinct chatter]

The-this is my son, David

and Janet who..

Don't worry,

I'm not saying nothing.

Reverend Mayberry, what my

father was going to say but

is too kind

and polite to, uh..

...risk embarrassing

anyone is that

yes, this is his son, David.

And the woman he lives with

Janet McArthur.

- Uh, without benefit--

- Correct.

Just benefit of themselves.

Ah, I, uh..

I wish uh..

I just wish I had been

informed of this.

It does change things.

Why Reverend Mayberry?

I mean, he's still

a terrific father.

Perhaps, but, uh..

- Uh, Miss, uh, Janet--

- McAurther.

(Mayberry)

'Is not part of what

the society intends'

'a nuclear family to be.'

What's wrong with her?

Yeah, I thought you said

we were pecant.

Picante is one thing.

Co-habitation is

quite another.

Now, wait a minute,

just a second.

David, is my oldest son,

he's years old.

'If his private life is going

to interfere with my receiving'

some kind of an award..

Well, then, you can just

take your reward and--

I think I get

the general idea.

Uh, I'm sorry.

I really am, I..

I'll just, uh..

Um..

Let myself out.

Thank you.

Well, who wanted to go

to Hawaii, anyway?

Yeah, it rains a lot

this time of year.

Yeah, ha-ha.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, well, we have something

better than Hawaii.

A new member of the family.

- Alright.

- Yeah.

Thank you, guys.

[indistinct chatter]

[all cheering]

Thank you, thank you.

I am truly honored to be

given this award

by this family and I will

do my best to live up to it.

Oh, see dad,

that wasn't so hard.

- Really.

- Painless.

Yeah, dad, being "Father of the

year" is a, a piece of cake.

Oh!

Hey, you know dad a

"Father of the year"

will probably extend curfews.

- Oh, definitely.

- Yeah, and raise allowances.

- Yeah.

- At the very least.

Now, wait a minute, I thought

I was voted "Father of the year"

not patsy of the year.

[telephone ringing]

Oh, that's probably Mayberry

saying that

they've reconsidered.

Yeah.

Hello.

Oh, just a moment please.

Did anyone in this family

enquire about group rates on

uh, motorbikes, surfboards

and scuba-diving equipment?

Sorry, wrong family.

Must be some other family in

the Sacramento area with, uh..

...ten people

and a "Father of the year."

[all laughing]

[theme music]

[music continues]