stayed back in the fourth grade?
What?
I figured you'd be upset.
I don't understand, Nicholas,
your last report card
you had four excellents
and one very satisfactory.
How could you fail
the fourth grade?
I didn't.
Kenny P. Landers did.
Oh, yes, well, that figures.
What did he do,
bite the teacher?
No, he snuck some bad words
into our spelling list.
Good old Kenny P.
Yeah, good old Kenny P.
Fifth grade would be pretty
lonesome without him.
Oh, now wait a minute,
Nicholas, you can't stay back
in the fourth grade just
because your best pal is there.
But, dad, Kenny says
they save all the mean teachers
for fifth grade.
Oh, well,
it used to be that way
but now I think they, uh,
kind of spread them around.
[instrumental music]
Besides, I hear that, uh,
when you got to the fifth grade
you get a bigger allowance,
and you can stay up until :.
- Really?
- Oh, yes really.
Dad, do fifth graders
get to use the words
in Kenny P. Landers'
spelling list?
No, Nicholas.
That's reserved for fathers
when they are thinking
about Kenny P.
Darn.
That's right, Nicholas, darn.
You can go ahead
to the fifth grade
but you keep your language
back in the fourth grade.
[music continues]
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic in the
early morning we've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles
on everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days like
bright and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled
by the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪
♪ And eight is enough to
fill our lives with love ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[hammering]
(Nancy)
'Okay, dad, you're on.'
(Tom)
'Alright.'
- There. What do you think?
- I think it's square.
Nancy, honest pride
is never square.
I meant the picture, dad
not why you're starting
this gallery.
Well, when a man
has one daughter
graduating from high school
and another one
graduating from college
in practically the same week,
he has to honor the occasion.
When we get Elizabeth's picture,
it should go right here
and then Joannie's pictures
should go over here..
...next to Mary.
Gee, dad,
you almost make me wish
I was graduating from something.
Don't wish, hammer.
Tom, your publisher's
on the telephone.
Oh, no, no, you mean
his secretary is on the phone
waiting to put me on
hold for five minutes.
No, I mean your publisher
Mr. Randolph,
is on the telephone.
Mr. Randolph?
He's, oh, oh,
then that's important.
Goodbye.
Wait, I'll be back. Uh-oh.
What do you think, Abby?
- Square?
- Um, very.
But I love him.
[chuckles]
I don't know, Mary,
I think that we should all pool
our money together, and get each
graduate one nice present.
Like what?
I know what Joannie wants.
Oh, you do? What? Speak up.
A yellow sports car.
Nicholas, when you
find a yellow sports car
for $, let us know.
[chuckles]
Really.
Uh, maybe it'll be easier
if we start with Elizabeth.
Well, actually I don't think
we should get her anything.
And why not?
'Cause she's been walkin'
around like she's hot stuff.
Nicholas,
don't take it personally.
She's just suffering
from senioritis.
- Seno what?
- 'Senioritis.'
(Susan)
'It's a classic disease known
to att*ck high school students'
'in graduation week.'
Characterized by giddiness
and waves of self-importance.
Well, can't we get her
some medicine?
No, Nicholas, I think this is
one disease we just have
to let run its course.
Well, I hope I don't catch it.
Ah, you'll catch it,
in exactly eight years.
That's another good reason
to flunk with Kenny P.
Well, anyway, I-I'm
afraid I have some bad news
mostly for you Elizabeth.
Well, what is it?
Well, I-I just had
a call from my publisher.
As you know, he was supposed to
be a speaker at your graduation.
Well, he had to cancel out
and guess who's filling in
for him?
- Yours truly.
- Well, that's great, dad.
How can you say that? I only
have two days to write a speech.
It will take me that
long to just stop shaking.
Well, we know you can do it
and if you need any help,
just call on us.
That's what we are here for.
But aren't you worried
that I might embarrass you
in front of your classmates?
I mean, what if my notes
blow off the rostrum?
- What if I start to stutter?
- You never stutter.
No, but ma-y-be I'll start.
Don't sweat it, dad.
Everybody needs
somethin' to laugh at
at those dull old ceremonies.
That doesn't help, Tommy.
I want Elizabeth's graduation
to be perfect.
You'll do terrific, dad.
No, all I'll do is
make Joannie's speaker
look great by comparison.
[chuckles]
Susan!
That's not gonna help.
[sighs]
Why is she always late?
Susan's not always late.
Nancy's the one
who's always late.
Well, why did she pick this
morning to be different?
Ooh, well, see, I give up.
Why did Susan pick this
morning to be different?
[chuckles]
Sorry. I'm just tryin' to
lighten things up a little bit.
Noticed an awful lot of tension
from you these last few days.
Hey, Mary,
why should I be tensed, huh?
Come on, this is really
a great time in my life.
I'm graduating from college.
I know.
You remember I went
through mine last year.
Oh, I was happy.
Nervous, excited,
confused...and tense.
[chuckles]
Yeah, yeah, I remember that.
I'm sorry, I snapped at you.
It's alright.
What are big sisters for?
Joannie, you've got
all my sympathies.
I remember how scary it was
for me when
when I finally realized
that college was over.
Now, I had to go out
and face the real world.
Sometimes I think
I was copping out taking
on another
seven years of education.
Oh, no, no, I don't think
you were copping not
getting a doctor's degree.
As a matter of fact,
I think I'm gonna go straight
into grad school
summer quarter.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Yeah, and I, I think I should go
right for the PhD
you know, in dramatic art, and
that way I can perfect my craft
and...and have
teaching to fall back on.
That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think it's a logical,
sensible mature thing to do.
- Very mature.
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
Unless I...just
take off for New York.
Okay, so that's crawl
and sidestroke.
No problem, Mr. Napier.
Alright, I'll see
you about :. Bye-bye.
Tommy, can you hurry?
I'm gonna be late.
We've got plenty of time.
Not if I wanna spend every
minute I can with the people
I might never see again.
Look, that was
a very important phone call.
I got an interview
this afternoon
for the ideal summer job.
Of what?
Baby-sitting John Travolta?
For you, maybe, but for me, it's
lifeguard at the city pool.
Can you believe it,
four bucks an hour
for working on my tan
and comparing bikinis.
Can we please talk
about it on the way?
I've worked years
to reach senior week
and I want to enjoy it.
You mean you wanna
lord it over us peons.
'Exactly.'
Yeah, we're all
a bunch of nerds.
We're not nerds.
Okay, then, we're robots.
Baby robots.
- Yeah.
- What?
Do you remember
the class of '?
Now, they had style.
They nailed all the furniture
in the faculty lounge
to the ceiling.
Well, big deal. Anybody can
crucify a little furniture.
Yeah? Well, so far
we aren't even anybody.
We're the forgotten robots
of '.
Must I remind you people
that the tardy bell has rung?
Well, not for us, Ms. Ryder.
We're seniors.
[laughs]
Young man, you're still
students in this school
'until the moment
of graduation.'
'And as long as
that is the case'
you will follow
the rules set down
by the administration
of this institution.
Even she thinks
we're nerds and robots.
Yeah, you think that
after slaving for years
in this institution, she
remembered that we're seniors.
Oh, she'll remember us, alright.
Old Stonewall.
Are you kidding?
Watch how I'm kidding.
[instrumental music]
Here she comes.
[music continues]
"Now, graduations at
Sacramento Central High School
"are not a novelty for me.
"I have already had
the privilege of attending
"this ceremonies
of my five oldest children.
"Tonight, it is
with great pride
"that I witness the
commencement of number six.
"My youngest daughter Elizabeth
is about to step across
the boundary of childhood."
What do you think? Huh?
Don't quit your day job.
I wasn't considering
commencement addresses
for a living,
I just want the feedback
on the emotional content.
Well, frankly, Mr. Bradford,
I was choked up.
Really? I mean,
the-the part about the-the
boundary of childhood?
No, when I realized
how much it means to you
that Elizabeth is
getting her diploma.
Oh, it shows, huh?
Yeah, it shows, Mr. Bradford.
Well, it should.
I mean, there were
lots of times I wondered
if I ever could
get my family raised.
I need milestones like this,
Donna.
I really need 'em.
[instrumental music]
Elizabeth Bradford,
Mr. Gillette.
I should have known
a Bradford was involved.
Is this everybody,
Ms. Penn Rose?
I'm sorry, Elizabeth.
Somebody recognized me
and I had to tell.
If I didn't, the whole
graduation would be canceled.
Mr. Gillette, well,
now that you located us all
and, and we say we're sorry..
[sighs]
...will the class
get to graduate?
We don't want them
to hate us, Mr. Gillette.
They won't hate you.
Because you have responsibly
come forth to admit your guilt.
The graduation will
go on as scheduled.
[sighs]
Thank you, Mr. Gillette.
But obviously the five
of you will not be allowed
to participate.
[dramatic music]
[gasping]
Well, it'll take
some more work in your
cross chest carry, Bradford
but, uh, looks like you
can handle the job.
That's terrific, Mr. Napier.
Pool opens the first day
after school closes.
You available?
- Yeah, sure, I'm available.
- Good.
- Welcome aboard.
- Thanks.
Uh, there is just
one little thing.
It's your hair.
Well, I can wear swim cap,
can't I?
Yeah, you can wear swim cap
but, uh, first you're gonna
have to cut that mop.
Cut it?
No hair longer than
two inches.
- And I prefer GI.
- The GI?
That's my rules, Bradford,
so if you want the job..
[clicks tongue]
Abby, he didn't even consider
my of good grades
my school activities
or anything.
And this happened
after you apologized?
Yeah, and then he tricked Julie
into finking on us.
You know, o-other senior classes
practically destroyed the school
alls we did was drop
the dumb water balloon.
and knowing Michael,
he probably missed the target.
Which was?
Well, I-I didn't
really see exactly.
It was just the stairs and
all the kids were in classes.
You're right, Elizabeth,
I don't understand this either.
What am I gonna tell dad?
Huh.
"Excuse me, dad, got a minute?
'"I'm afraid I'm going to miss'
'"that terrific speech
you're writing.'
"I can't graduate.
"I have to pick up
my diploma this summer
in Gillette's office, while
his secretary glares at me."
You're not gonna tell
your father anything yet.
Because I'm gonna speak
to Mr. Gillette for you.
Well, well, thanks a lot, Abby
but you don't know what
you're getting yourself into.
Gillette thrives
on complaining mothers
he destroys about a day.
Well, I'm not gonna talk
to him as a complaining mother.
I'll talk to him as one
professional educator
to another.
- Thanks, Abby.
- It's nothing.
[sighs]
First dibs on the shower.
Oh, hold it, hold it,
aren't you forgetting something?
- What?
- Seniority.
Oh, Mary,
seniority doesn't count
against two hours in the gym.
Unh-unh.
- Oh, no.
- What?
Oh, I knew it.
It's from the Park Service.
I've got to reserve
my campsite in Yosemite
by Friday or I'll loose it.
What campsite at Yosemite?
Oh, I'm staying this summer.
Wait a minute, Joannie, what
happened to, uh, to New York?
New York? Joannie,
what happened to grad school?
I can go to
grad school in September.
I need this summer
to get my head straight.
Wait, wait, Joannie, hold it.
I think we better talk
for a minute. I..
I know that this is
a hard time for you, alright
but why don't
you pick something
and stay with it
for at least till morning?
Well, that's really
easy for you to say, Mary
when you know what you are.
- Joannie, so do you.
- Oh, yeah, sure.
[sighs]
Joannie, relax.
What you're going through
is just like
'a case of stage fright.'
[scoffs]
Right.
- Jo..
- I guess it isn't.
[sighs]
Hi, Joannie.
I'll take a glass.
You know, you're just
the person I wanted to see.
- Yeah, me?
- Of course.
You're the speech expert
in this family, right?
Oh, yeah.
Dad, I'm not an expert
on anything.
Of course you are.
That's why I want your
opinion on my first draft.
Dad, a family expert's
one thing, but..
...I mean an expert out there
is to impress more
than eight people.
Well, you can impress anybody
you want to.
You'll be outstanding,
just the way you've always been.
Oh, dad, I don't know.
I'm not sure I haven't wasted
the last four years of my life.
I mean, am I really an actress?
I mean, is that what I should
really do with my life?
We've had
misunderstandings before.
When I treated a college senior
like a she was still
a very little girl.
'I don't wanna make that
mistake again.'
'Your future is up to you.'
Oh, that's good.
"Your future is up to you."
"Your future...is up to you."
[sighs]
Yeah.
It's imperative
that I see Mr. Gillette
before he leaves the office.
Well, it's-it's about
my stepdaughter Elizabeth.
Yes, she's one of
the students involved
in the little
water balloon incident.
'Well, how late does he stay?'
[door opens]
Um, Abby, do you have
a few minutes to talk?
She's on the phone, Joannie,
can't you see?
Oh, I'm sorry, I'll wait.
No, come on,
this is very important.
Well, so is this.
Could you hold on
just a minute, please?
Okay, thank you.
Joannie, Elizabeth 's right
this is a very important
private conversation.
'Can I talk to you later?'
Oh, you want me to leave?
Hmm.
Now you're getting the picture.
Relax, Elizabeth. It's-it's
a personal matter, Joannie.
I'm sure you understand.
Oh, yeah. I'll be back
in a few minutes, okay?
(Abby)
'I'm not sure
I'll be here then.'
I'll have to get back
in touch with you, okay?
Well, I guess
I don't have a choice.
So I'm back.
Uh,
Okay, that will be great.
'I'll be there then. Thank you.'
I look like a bowling ball.
And you smell funny too.
You're a big help.
Oh, oh, oh, Joannie, Joannie,
Joannie, wait. How do I look?
You look like a bowling ball.
Uh, Tommy, don't bother me
right now, okay?
No, no, see,
you don't understand.
I've got this
terrible decision to make.
Do I take the best
summer job in Sacramento
and look like this
or do I job hunt
and stay a fox?
Oh, Tommy, I can't decide
my own life right now
how can I possibly decide yours?
But I've got to ask somebody.
Well, I have to give you
the answer I just got.
- Busy.
- Some help you are.
Hey, Tommy, I care
and I think you should
look like a bowling bowl.
- You do?
- 'Yeah.'
Because if you're the lifeguard
I can get into the pool free.
[instrumental music]
Mr. Gillette?
I'm Abby Bradford.
- Ah, yeah, Elizabeth's mother.
- Um..
No, actually,
I-I'm her stepmother.
I see.
- Please have a seat.
- Thank you.
Um, I appreciate you granting
me this appointment so quickly.
As I recall, we've had
several such meeting before
concerning the-the other and
equally trouble-prone children
in your family.
No, actually, uh,
this is the first time
I've been here
in a parental capacity.
- Really?
- Yes.
And yet you seem very familiar.
Well, that's because I
was here for several weeks
as a substitute teacher
in Ann Cavaluzzi's
English literature class.
- Ah! That's where we met.
- 'Yes.'
So you see, Mr. Gillette,
I-I like to speak to you today
not as a doting parent here
to defend her
precious little child
but as one professional
educator to another.
Alright, Mrs. Bradford,
that would be very refreshing.
Thank you. Um..
I think if you'll examine
Elizabeth's record
you'll find it quite impressive.
She has excellent grades
and heavy participation
in school activities
and a near perfect
attendance record.
I mean, should all of this
be erased
with one harmless little prank?
As a professional educator,
Mrs. Bradford
you should be aware that senior
pranks get worse every year.
If we don't draw the lines
somewhere, it could escalate
into a very serious problem.
Oh, I understand
your concern, Mr. Gillette
but in-in Elizabeth's case,
this is hardly a major prank.
Really?
Just what did Elizabeth
tell you about it?
Well, just that
she and some of her pals
dropped this water balloon
down the stairwell.
That's all.
I'm afraid you were
more a fond parent
than an impartial professional
when you bought that
part of her story.
Her story?
Did she mention that
they deliberately dropped
that water balloon on
one of our best teachers?
No, she didn't.
I hope you will talk to her
about her-her lack
of complete honesty.
Yes, I will.
And would you tell her
the latest development?
The teacher, Ms. Ryder
slipped on the wet stairs.
At first, we thought she had
sustained only minor bruises.
Unfortunately, the pain
worsened as the day went on.
I've just heard from the
hospital where she was taken.
Ms. Ryder has a broken ankle
and will require surgery.
I'm sorry.
'Mrs. Bradford,
as a professional colleague'
I'm sure you must concur
with me.
I simply cannot allow Elizabeth
to graduate.
Agreed?
I mean, you didn't even
tell me the truth.
Abby, I'm sorry,
but I didn't actually see
Ms. Ryder on the stairs.
Well, that's just great.
I mean, why don't you
just be like Nicolas
and cross your fingers
and say that lie doesn't count.
I told you, I'm sorry.
Well, here is the sorriest part.
As a result of the
balloon incident
Ms. Ryder slipped on the stairs
and broke her ankle.
- Oh, no.
- 'Yeah.'
And she is in the hospital
and she's waiting for surgery.
Surgery?
Abby, I had no idea
she could get hurt.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah, I know you are,
but see, the thing is that
it's not
senior funny games anymore.
[sighs]
What do we tell dad?
Abby, you said you'd help me.
Okay, okay, I-I-I'll..
...think of something.
I mean, at least I can do is
feel him out for you.
Are you sure you got a haircut?
Now, what does it look like?
It looks like a fake.
Nicolas, how could you say that?
Well, I don't like the way
it looks around the ears
and the color is weird.
Look, you know what color
my hair is, strangers wouldn't.
So they'd think
I got a haircut.
Nope.
They'd think it was a fake.
I think you're prejudice.
I'm gonna get
some other opinions.
No, wait, I'll tell you
exactly what I think of it.
What?
Well, one of my hamster d*ed,
and you're wearing it for a hat.
[door slams]
(Abby)
'Tom.'
I'm busy. The speech deadline
is ridiculous.
- I have to talk to you.
- 'Not now.'
'I will simply not
embarrass Elizabeth'
'at this happiest time
in her life.'
Well, see, that's what I have
to talk to you about.
[typewriter keys clacking]
Tom?
- Oh, good, Abby, uh..
- Hi, Joannie.
Are you busy?
Can we talk now maybe?
Look, I think I just better
retreat to a nice hot tub, okay?
- Right now?
- It's been a hard day.
[sighs]
Yeah, you mean, you've noticed.
Can we just regroup
and find sometime tomorrow?
When?
I, I don't know,
I've to let you know, okay?
[whispers]
I have to make an appointment?
I beg your pardon?
Forget it, Abby.
Just forget I even asked.
(Mary)
'No, Tommy, it doesn't look like
you got your haircut.'
(Susan)
Actually it looks more like
you've been standing
on your head
in a pile of fungus.
[all giggling]
Actually, I think
you could get the job, Tommy.
That is is you were auditioning
for "The Gong Show."
Okay, okay I just thought
I'd try it, alright?
I guess I'm gonna really
have to face the scissors.
Don't take it so hard, Tommy
I can remember
when you were bald.
Big deal. I was a baby,
and I didn't know any better.
Well, look at it
this way, Tommy.
When you're a lifeguard
all the girls will be
looking at your legs
not your head.
- His legs?
- 'Yeah.'
What do you look for
when you see a lifeguard?
Oh, character, intellect,
artistic, sensitivity.
[laughs]
Right. That's what
Joannie would look for.
Right, Joannie?
[whistles]
Right, Joannie?
- What?
- Hey, where are you?
Where am I?
I don't know.
You tell me.
Joannie.
- What's..
- I don't know.
There's something very strange
about that girl.
Hey, Elizabeth,
I've been looking for you.
Well, whatever it is,
can it wait?
I think it's been
waiting long enough.
I've to talk to you in private.
Have you been listening
in on Abby and me?
Not since that time last summer
when you caught me
and almost pulled my arm off.
Oh, good.
Well, what do you
wanna talk about?
Well, this whole family has been
doing nothing but guessing.
And I've figured it'll be
a lot better if you tell me
and I could tell them.
About what?
About your graduation present.
My present?
Yeah, why should you get
something you don't even want?
Um, Nicolas I-I don't wanna talk
talk about it right now, okay?
You mean, you don't have
any ideas either?
Yeah. Yeah, that's it.
Well, would you take money?
I'd take money.
[knock on door]
(Tommy)
'Dad, did you want to see me?'
Oh, yes, Tommy. Come on in.
Hi, Tommy.
Uh-uh, thanks for coming.
I'll tell you what it is.
I-I didn't wanna bother
your sister, you know why?
She's enjoying getting ready
for the big night tomorrow
and I just wanted to know
if I could read you
part of my speech
and you let me know whether
you think that I'm on target
for the younger generation?
- Okay, dad, sh**t.
- Good, thanks.
It'll just take a minute.
"As you, the graduating class
of , go out into the world
"you will find numerous choices
before you.
"Weigh your options
and chose wisely.
Know that in your choices
rest the future of the world."
Now, do-do you think
that will meet the approval
of your fellow students?
Well, frankly, dad, I..
Oh, it's-it's a little corny,
right?
Suppose I take the the plot out
about the future of the world.
Well, it's not so much corny,
it's just I think
it's a bit abstract.
- Abstract?
- 'Well, yeah.'
'I think the kids
would be more interested'
'in the real issues of life.'
What do you mean?
For instance, what-what?
For instance, uh, uh..
How much a person
should sacrifice
for the sake of
a summer's employment.
Oh, yes, that's a good point.
That's a very good point.
Real life, everyday issues
be specific.
Alright, speaking of real life,
everyday issues
should I get a haircut?
A haircut, a haircut!
You wanna get a haircut?
Well, listen, dad..
Well, this is as gratifying
as Joannie and Elizabeth
graduating.
You've been a big help, Tommy.
I mean, first is discerning
criticism on my speech
and now you wanna
get a haircut!
'You have no idea
how satisfying it is'
when you can rely on your
children for mature behavior.
Dad, please.
Can I say something?
You don't have to,
you've done enough already.
I'll take it alone from here.
And if I can do you any favors,
just let me know.
Sure, dad.
Elizabeth, I-I couldn't
reach your father.
He's, he's all locked in
busy writing the speech
in your honor.
Just wait till he starts
lecturing in my honor
and everybody's giggling
about my empty seat.
There must be something
we could do.
What?
Well, I mean I've work
for this night.
Maybe because dad's
the graduation speaker
they'll give me
some special consideration.
Consideration?
Well, after all,
he is Tom Bradford.
He's doing the school a favor
and maybe they'll could do
one for him.
You could talk to Gillette.
No, Elizabeth.
I've already talked to Gillette.
I thought you were
gonna help me.
And I have helped you.
Elizabeth, how would you feel
if Mr. Gillette had a daughter
and her recklessness helped
to get a teacher hurt
and his influence got her off?
Would you think that was right?
I guess not.
I mean, what do I do?
Well, I guess
you're gonna have to start
by accepting a few things.
Like not graduating.
Accept it?
Along with some responsibility.
Elizabeth, there's a lady
in the hospital.
Ms. Ryder has a broken ankle.
Maybe you could start thinking
about her problems for a change.
I'm really sorry.
You're sorry?
Oh, hey, Elizabeth, um
were you talking to Abby again?
Just don't bug me, okay,
Joannie?
- Who is it?
- 'Uh, it's Joannie.'
Oh, come in, Joannie.
Uh, Abby, I'm sorry
to bother to again
but it's just I saw Elizabeth,
and I thought--
Elizabeth? Did she tell you
about her problem?
No, what problem?
You'll hear about it
soon enough.
What can I do for you?
Oh.
It's really good to hear you
finally say that.
Oh, boy, Abby.
I need some advice.
When you're a professional
you-you're out there
in the real world
you know what it's like.
What do you really think
I ought to do
after I finish school?
I thought
that was already decided.
- You're an actress.
- Oh, right.
Oh, why does everybody
keeps saying that
when it may not be true?
I mean, I'm an actress
in college, Abby, and..
...part-time in a little
repertory company
but I mean it's, it's
Sacramento.
[sighs]
'Oh, I don't know.'
Unless, I go to grad school.
See, well, well,
how does that strike you
about my going to grad school?
Well, you know how I feel
about education.
If you want more,
go and get it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree, but what if I
you know, I'm only going
to grad school
just to play it safe?
'Cause I'm too chicken
to go find out
if I really have talent.
I think that you don't have
to make a decision like this
at the end of a very hard day.
Abby.
Abby, college is gonna be out,
you know, in a, you know, week
and, um, and people are gonna
be asking me what I'm doing.
I'm suppose to be something.
So be Joannie Bradford,
taking her time
to make her own decisions.
That's what you should be.
[Joannie sighs]
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, I guess I'll just
go to Yosemite for the summer--
Yosemite?
Why, you don't like the idea?
No, Joannie, I didn't say that..
Look, it's just that
I can't figure out
what it is
you're trying to ask me.
I'm asking you to help me decide
what to do with my life?
[chuckles]
Tonight?
Oh, Joannie, you're so dramatic.
Oh, well, don't bother.
You don't even care.
- I do care!
- Oh, you do?
Well, how come you had
all the time in the world
for Elizabeth today, Abby
and I had to chase you
all over this house
just to beg a
few little crumbs of your time?
I mean, I sincerely asked you
for help, and you laughed in me.
I apologize, Joannie, but, um
maybe if you could
just take yourself
a little less seriously
for a few days..
'I mean, it's all gonna work
out, isn't it?'
Oh, I knew it.
You have time to help
everybody else in this house
but not me!
How can you say that?
Well, I should've said it
a long time ago.
You avoid me, Abby,
you have always avoided me
because I remind you
of my mother.
- Joannie.
- That's right.
Joannie,
Joannie is my mother's name
and every time you use it,
you think about my real mother.
'You don't like comparing
yourself to her, do you?'
I don't compare myself.
I don't consider myself
a rival of your mothers'.
Well, that's right. You're not
even in the same category.
She would have been here
when I needed her.
She would have listened to me!
She would have helped!
'Now, just calm down, Joannie.'
I'm beginning to see that
this is a very serious thing
for you, but you don't
have to take it out on me.
Well, you take out
your feelings
about my mother on me,
don't you?
'Well, it's not my fault
I look like her'
it's not my fault
I'm named after her
or my fault you can't handle it.
Maybe you just better leave?
I will, that's fine with me.
At least we know
where we stand, don't we?
We don't have to pretend
we like each other.
[door slams]
[dramatic music]
(Tom on tape)
'And most of all'
'graduation is a time
for parent and child'
'to honor the achievement
of a common goal.'
'To bask in the spirit
of cooperation'
'and mutual respect.'
Now, I'm finally telling it
like it is.
[instrumental music]
What else did your father say?
Oh, well, he said that
the speech was, was finally
shaping up, and, and that
he was gonna find a nice tree
overlooking the Sacramento river
somewhere and work in peace..
...till the speech was finished.
I just wish
he'd waken me up first.
You mean, you didn't talk
to him last night?
No, I fell asleep
before he came in.
I didn't even hear him.
Abby, is there anything
I can do?
Not unless you wanna
look under every tree
along the Sacramento river
for Tom Bradford.
Not really.
Then, I guess there's nothing.
Joannie.
Yeah, what is it?
I know you talked
to Abby last night.
Did she tell you what happened
at school yesterday?
Abby didn't say
anything worth listening to.
Then she didn't tell you.
Okay, I guess I'll have to.
I mean, after all I'm ruining
your graduation too.
What do have to do
with my graduation, Elizabeth?
Well, in a couple of hour,
dad's going to be very upset.
See, he's looking forward
to a celebration
and it's gonna be more like
a funeral around here.
What are you talkin' about?
Well...I went along
with the dumb senior prank.
Yeah.
Me and my friends dropped
a water balloon on the stairs
a teacher slipped on it and
now she is in the hospital
and they won't allow me
to graduate tonight.
Oh, Elizabeth,
no, you're kidding.
Oh, boy! You sent
a teacher to the hospital.
Yeah. Ms. Ryder,
her ankle is broken.
Oh, Ms. Ryder,
I remember her, old stonewall.
Huh! Yeah.
Oh, gee, she was one of the best
teachers I ever had there.
Are you kidding?
No. No, I mean, I didn't think
so when I was in high school
but boy,
went I went to college..
...I realized all
those demands she put on me
were for my own good.
I was really grateful, really.
[scoffs]
I'm sorry for her.
Oh, I'm really sorry
to hear about you.
I'm just sorry
I made it so grim around here
when things should be
so happy for you, Joannie.
Oh, happy.
[sighs]
I wasn't happy.
[sighs]
Oh, Elizabeth, I'm so confused
and upset and can't even sleep.
You too?
Yeah.
It's so ironic, you know,
there's a big family
and there's nobody
to talk to sometimes.
[sighs]
Susan and Mary
don't really understand
and dad's all wrapped up
in his speech, you know.
Yeah.
Then I talk to Abby, and, uh..
Well, at least I understand why
she didn't have time for me.
Yeah, trying to pound some sense
into my head
has been a full-time job.
Plus overtime.
Oh, boy!
Oh, boy! I'm sorry.
[upbeat music]
Okay.
Thank you.
Alright, who's next?
Him.
Guess, that's me.
Okay, son, have a seat.
[music continues]
But I read this one already.
Read it again.
Hi, I'm Paul,
I don't think we've met.
I'm Tommy,
I've never been in before.
Aha! I was going to say that.
[chuckling]
Okay, Tommy.
How do you want it?
Well, I hear
you are a great hair stylist.
Oh, I do take pride
in pleasing my customers.
Is there any way you can
style it to look like a GI
and only take off
about a half an inch?
John Peters, Vidal Sassoon
and Warren Beatty
put together
couldn't do that, son.
I know.
'So how do you
want me to do it?'
Well, I'm not supposed to have
any hair over two inches long.
You look too young
to join the army.
Lifeguard.
Oh, well, why didn't you say so?
What you need
is a lifeguard pompadour.
No problem.
[dramatic music]
No, wait!
I can't do it.
Well,
I guess that makes you next.
Um, no, I just came here
to read. See ya, thanks.
[music continues]
Ms. Ryder.
Yes.
I'm Elizabeth Bradford,
Ms. Ryder.
May I come in?
Elizabeth Bradford?
I recognize the name.
Come on over here, and let's see
if I recognize the face.
Oh, yes.
Where are your fellow
fun makers?
I came alone.
Uh, I wanted you
to have these.
I see, flowers.
Put them over there
on the bureau.
The nurse will have
to bring a vase.
Yes, ma'am.
How's your ankle?
What's this all about,
Elizabeth?
Well, I..
...I just wanted you
to know that I'm very sorry.
Sorry is a very
ambiguous word.
Define it for me.
Well, I'd like to help
pay for the doctor bills.
I'm going to work this summer.
Alright,
I'll keep that in mind.
We'll see what happens
after the hospital
'and the insurance company
fight it out.'
Now, is there anything else?
My sister Joannie says
you're one of the best
teachers she's ever had.
You may thank her for me.
Now, what else?
Nothing.
Nothing?
You mean, you don't want me
to speak to Mr. Gillette
'about your timely act
of repentance'
'and suggest that
he allow you to graduate?'
That's not why I came.
Actually, at first, I tried
every way I could to stay on
that graduation stage
with my friends
and listen to my father
give a speech..
...but then I started thinkin'..
It just wouldn't feel right.
We hurt you.
We didn't mean for this
to happen, but it did.
And now somehow
I've got to make it right
and let you know
that I'm very sorry.
Perhaps you'd better tell your
sister something else for me.
Yes, ma'am.
Tell her that, uh..
...Elizabeth Bradford is one of
the few students I ever had
who learnt something
in high school.
Thank you, Ms. Ryder, I will.
Of course, this doesn't change
anything about your graduation.
Oh, yes, I know.
So we understand each other.
Now, why don't you bring
those flowers over here
so I can really look at them?
[instrumental music]
Aww!
Abby.
Hi, Joannie.
Do you need some help?
I could--
That's okay,
I can handle it.
Well, would you
just listen to me?
[sighs]
What is it, Joannie?
Um, uh...I understand
why you had to keep avoiding me.
We spoke about a lot of reasons
last night, didn't we--
Well, I know, I mean..
I really understand,
I was talking to Elizabeth.
Oh, you spoke to Elizabeth?
Yeah. I'm, I'm sorry
for what I said last night.
I wish I could
take back every word.
Well, some of it was true.
I do leave you alone.
Not because you remind
me of your mother
but because you seem
to want it that way.
I know.
I know, I-I seem to..
Well, see,
I had to get pretty strong
and then, uh..
...when you came..
...I, I just kept
trying to act very independent
and...uh, I mean,
I am usually a..
It's just that sometimes..
...I get very scared and..
...and confused, and..
...and I just want my mother,
Abby.
I know.
And you know,
she's not there, and, um..
And that really hurts,
and then I
I couldn't admit
that to you, and I..
I don't know, I just took it out
on you because she's gone
and I can't ever feel..
...you know,
safe like I used to with her.
I know, and,
and you won't either.
I mean, we, we all have to
lose that feeling
you know, all of us.
[crying]
I'm sorry, I just..
I got furious at you
because you are not her, and..
I understand.
I am sorry, Abby, please..
...just forgive me, please.
Forgive you?
Yeah, you just..
...just forget about last night,
okay, and, um..
...and we'll,
and we'll start over, alright?
Joannie..
...I can never
be your mother, you know.
I know.
But we could try this.
If you could forgive me..
...and then I could forgive you
and then we could just
go on together as friends.
Oh, could we?
Yeah.
Oh!
Thank you, Abby.
(Tom)
'Uh, yes,
well, I appreciate your call'
'and that was very nice of you.'
Thank you.
Goodnight.
Daddy, can I see you
a minute?
Oh, Elizabeth,
just what I needed
an expert on cufflinks,
please help.
Yeah, you know, I don't know
how I could possibly hold
an audience
when I can't even dress myself.
I don't know if I can help you,
my hands are shaking.
They are? Oh, they are.
Don't worry about it,
it's a big night.
Daddy...about tonight..
I'm going to embarrass you
very badly.
Now, listen,
every time I make a speech
it's an embarrassment,
don't worry about it.
You don't understand,
you're gonna be up there
talkin' about all your pride
in your daughter, the graduate
and I won't even be there.
You'll be there.
Uh, no, I won't, daddy.
I'm trying to tell you
they won't let me.
- I'll be home.
- You'll be there.
Not physically maybe,
but in my thoughts
and in my pride for what you did
for Ms. Ryder this afternoon.
- Ms. Ryder?
- That's right, she called.
I'm only sorry I was in hiding
when you needed me most
but from what she tells me,
you did just fine on your own.
And no matter
what happens tonight
they can't take that away
from either one of us.
You mean you don't hate me?
Hate you?
You just wait till I get
through with the speech.
[instrumental music]
(Tom)
'"So let us take this time
to praise our young people'
'"for their honesty
and courage.'
"And to demonstrate
our love and approval
"as they leave
Sacramento Central High School
"to follow their dreams,
thereby bringing those
of our generation
closer to fulfillment."
- Bravo!
- Yay!
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
First speech I've heard that
sounded better in reruns.
Obviously, that's twice
the applause that I got tonight
in the auditorium filled
with people.
Oh!
Now, will Elizabeth Bradford
please step forward.
'Maestro.'
♪ Da da-da da-da ♪
♪ Da da ♪
♪ Da-da da da ♪
♪ Da-da da da ♪
♪ Da-da da da ♪
♪ Da da da da-da ♪♪
Thank you, maestro.
'Diploma.'
It is with special pride
that I bestow her
official high school diploma
on Elizabeth Bradford.
'Those of us gathered here'
'are not only aware
of her achievements'
'the past years..'
'...but also the past hours.'
'Learning is not always
in books and classes.'
'Learning is even more essential
in our daily realities'
of our human relationships.
Elizabeth Bradford has shown
that she truly deserves
the certificate
of...accomplishment
and maturity.
'Hereby, proudly bestowed.'
Magna cum, Bradford.
[instrumental music]
[all applauding]
You're going to not, what?
- Hey!
- Oh, sorry, I didn't see you.
I think I've outgrown
my graduation.
You know,
I know it's too formal.
And the whole
drama department might have
a celebration picnic instead.
Oh, great, after I spent $
on film and flashbulbs.
Oh, no, dad, it's okay,
we can have a nice little
private ceremony with only
the immediate family
in attendance.
Dad, does that mean you're gonna
say your same old speech?
Good point, Nicholas.
Unless you give me the pleasure
and the honor of watching you
march across that stage
with cap and gown
I am prepared to thr*aten
you with oratory.
Um...okay.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'll go to the ceremony.
(Tom)
'Good.'
See, I can make a decision.
Yes, and that will
make me happy
and I will also give Tommy
another good reason
to get a haircut.
Uh...sorry, dad
but the haircut's
been called off.
No haircut?
Oh, Tommy, you didn't lose
your lifeguard job?
No! I got a better offer.
My rock band and I got
an all summer long
gig at the Teen Center.
Not only will I be making
better money than lifeguarding
but I have all day
to lie around the pool.
Hey, congratulations!
Does that mean that you will
keep that unfortunate hair-do?
- Well, sort of.
- Sort of.
You mean, they might make you
trim it down
something like David's?
(Tommy)
No, dad, actually
they want me to wear this.
Aah!
[all laughing]
Is it me?
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[music continues]