01x03 - The Nightcrawlers

[bunniefuu]

( crickets chirping )

BIG PETE:
Every night
when you're sound asleep,

something strange happens.

Not only do your eyeballs
keep moving,

even though
your eyes are closed,

but the world keeps moving,
too.

Somewhere, far away,

kids you'll never meet
are climbing trees,

riding bikes
and melting garter snakes

while you're fast asleep.

Maybe that's
what bugs my brother Pete.

While he's stuck in bed,

the world keeps going on
without him.

It's as if millions of kids
got a head start in a race...

( children shouting happily )

...and Pete never had a chance
to catch up.

( clock ticking )

Which was exactly the way
our mom wanted to keep it.

That's why every night
at precisely 9:00...

( cuckoos )

...a Wrigley nightly
ritual begins.

Honey, it's bedtime.

Why?

Because it's 9:00,

and that's what time
growing boys go to sleep.

Mom's first reason
for making Pete go to bed

was always the easiest
to counter.

After all, what is there,

some international chart
that dictates

what time all ten-year-olds
should go to bed?

But why 9:00?

Why not 9:11 or 9:42?

( choking )

Do we have
to go through this every night?

( clicks tongue )

I just want to know why.

Because 9:00 is your bedtime.

But why?

And that's when she'd say

the six deadly words

that makes every kid's
guts boil.

Because I said so, that's why.

And just like that...

it's over.

But one night,
as I watched my brother

climb the stairs
to his bedroom cell,

I knew that it was more
than just time for bed.

It was time for Pete
to shatter adults'

grizzly grip of power
on the world

and free kids everywhere.

( pig squeals )

Subtitle Rip: uNCeNSoReD

? Hey, smilin' strange ?

? You're lookin'
happily deranged ?

? Can you settle to sh**t me ?

? Or have you picked
your target yet? ?

? Hey, Sandy ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Don't you talk back ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Hey, Sandy ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?
? Hey, Sandy ?

? Don't you talk back ?
? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Hey, Sandy ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Hey, Sandy ?

? Don't you talk back ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Hey, Sandy, hey. ?

( birds chirping )

( dog barking )

After ten years,

four months and 27 days,

my brother Pete had reached
his breaking point.

The injustice of bedtime
was no longer acceptable to him.

Pete was convinced
that the bedtime rule

was part of the International
Adult Conspiracy

which operated in secret

and kept adults in control.

Well, I tell you
what I do, Nancy.

I buy the two percent,

and I tell 'em it's whole milk.

They never know the difference.

( chuckling )

( laughing )

Hey, what they don't
know can't hurt 'em.

And even though Pete discovered

why his cereal
tastes like sludge,

the bedtime rule
remained a mystery.

One more 9:00 bedtime,
and Pete would have imploded.

He needed a scheme,
and he needed it fast.

And Pete, being Pete,
he knew just where to look.

He unleashed his plot
on an unsuspecting world

the very next night

during a game of flashlight tag
in our backyard.

Got ya!

As Pete zeroed in
on his final victim...

Say good night, Clem!

Good night, Clem.

( chuckling )

Mom, what are you doing?

It's 9:00, Pete.

That's enough for tonight.

It's bedtime.

( cuckoo clock cuckoos )

Pete knew it was now or never.

No!

No what, honey?

No, I'm not going to bed!

I don't feel like going to bed!

Oh, don't be silly, pumpkin.

It's wet out here.

Come on, let's go.

I said, no!

( thunder rumbles )

I said, yes.

And I don't like the tone
in your voice, young man.

Move it!

The battle lines
had been drawn.

Mom knew
that the next move was hers,

so her brain kicked in
to Strategic Mom Defense Mode.

Would she try
reverse psychology--

a maneuver she was famous for--

or would she stall, bribe him,

or go for the jugular
and bring Dad into it?

You want to stay up late?

Fine.

She went with the old standby.

And how late would that be?

9:15? 9:30?

Later!

Oh, really?

Well, why bother coming inside
at all?

Why don't you just
stay up all night?

Okay.

Mom was stunned.

Pete had called her bluff,

and Mom knew right away

that the only way out
of her pickle was

with the deadly double bluff.
( alarm sounding )

Why stop there?

How about two nights?

How about...

11?

11 days?
Without sleep?

Yup, I'm going to break
the world record.

Is that so?

Well, have a nice time.

Pete had won.

And his master plan was quickly
made clear

to claim for kids everywhere

the Gibley's World Record
for sleeplessness,

set in 1962,

by 56-year-old housewife,
Bertha Van Hooten.

If Pete could pull it off,

he'd prove to Mom,
and the entire known world,

that when it came to bedtime,

he could play by his own rules.

Pete's friends were so inspired

by the idea of staying up
11 days past their bedtime,

that they, too,
decided to go for the record.

But what none
of them realized was

that they were playing
right into the razor-sharp claws

of the International
Adult Conspiracy.

My, uh, Libby's going
to learn a little lesson.

You just watch.

11 days. Ha!

I give 'em 11
hours, tops.

That Joyce.

I got to hand
it to her.

I never would have
thought of this one.

( laughing )

Of course not.

No parent would.

No parent could.

Because a plan so brilliant,

so perfectly perfect
as Pete's could only have come

from those
who knew the bitter taste

of being powerless.

Clem.

Natasha.

Mort.

Pervis.

Libby.

Pinkeye.

And Artie!

The strongest men in the world!

( chuckles )

We are...

the Night Crawlers!

Oh, snappy name,
my little Viking,

and, uh, happy.

Ooh, hoo!

LITTLE PETE:
You know why we're here.

And you know
what we got to do.

11 days,

no sleep, not even naps.

You think
you could handle it, Pinkeye?

Clam it, Pervis.

We're a team.

Something in your eye?

Nah, I'm fine.

Tasha's right.

We got to stick together.

To break the record,

you need a witness.

No witness, no record.

Get it?

Get it, got it, good.
Good, grab it...

( mumbling )

Cake.

This is gonna be cake.

Let's do it!

Do it they did.
( kids shouting )

They were sleepless
suburban commandos

who ruled the night
and turned it into day.

( indistinct chatter )

( mumbling )

Ooh!

At midnight,
after Artie showed them

how to skip stones
on Neptune...

Oh! Skip to my
lou, darling!

( strange grunting )

...the Night Crawlers
got their second wind

and rode it.

Row! 24! 36!

Hut! Hut! Hike!

One Mississippi.

Two South Dakota,
three... four...

But around 2:47 a.m.,

Somnus,
the mighty God of sleep...

( snoring )

...sang a thumb-sucking lullaby
that KO'd Pervis.

Sucker!

( kids laughing )

Look at him!

( indistinct shouting )

This is good stuff.

Night Crawlers!
Evacuate!

( laughing )

( snoring )

While Pervis and the rest
of the world slumbered,

the Night Crawlers crawled on.

And soon, the crickets

that usually lulled
Cranson Street to sleep,

were replaced
by a different sound.

( kids shouting happily )

But around 18 hours later...

( rooster crows )

...the nightlife
began to take its toll...

...on parents.

Well, Stan, I'm
not really worried.

I-I mean, I
wouldn't really
call it worried.

It's just...

Oh, gosh, is it
really 11:00?

Relax, Nancy.

They can't possibly
last much longer.

I mean, Pervis didn't even
make it five hours.

You know,
I-I never liked that kid.

Any minute now,

my Libby's going to come
walking through that door.

Any minute now.

She's ten years old,
for crying out loud!

How much longer
can she stay awake?

It was obvious
that adults just didn't get it.

Their kids weren't
just ten year olds.

They were Night Crawlers.

A two.

Go fish! Go fish!

( laughing )

Go fishing!

Libby figured out that
every time she felt sleepy,

all she had to do was glance
at the sun...

( sneezes )

...and she'd blow the snooze
right out of her.

( laughing )

Ah, that ought to hold me
for a while.

See, if I pull real tight,
my eyes can't close.

Good idea, huh?

Meanwhile, Pinkeye opted
for Fig Newlie power.

The bite-sized Newlies

had double the sugar
of regular cookies.

Meaning, of course,

twice the sugar rush.

And while Pinkeye
spent her days ricocheting

around the neighborhood
like an 84-pound pinball,

Artie spent his nights
boogalooing to the b*at

of a Krebstar 2000--

the portable AM/FM radio
he borrowed from Pervis's bike.

Not only did the music
keep them awake,

but Artie discovered
that at night,

the Krebstar picked up
radio stations

from as far away
as New Orleans,

Old Tucson and Dusseldorf.

But just when
the Night Crawlers

were finding the perfect rhythm
to keep them going

one more night...

NATASHA:
Help!

Trouble, my troubadours!

Trouble! Go!

...danger was upon them.

Except for Pervis's
thumb-sucking sidewalk snooze,

the first 96 hours
of the Night Crawlers' mission

had gone perfectly.

But then, during hour 97,

calamity struck.

It was Pinkeye,

crashing
from the worst sugar rush

since Glen Hoover
ate 17 candy apples

at the Fireman's Field Ball.

( yelling and hollering )

There was nothing they could do

because everyone
knew the terrible truth.

Like a fish flopping on a dock,
Pinkeye was a goner.

( kids yelling and clamoring )

So young, so brave.

So sleepy.

MORT:
She was on that sugar high.

ARTIE:
Sadly done, Pink-a-lee.

The loss of another
denizen of the night

hit the Night Crawlers
like a sucker punch.

Isn't it
a wonderful morning?

Dawn was better.

That's nice.

Bye-bye.

( Mom whistling )

And even though it seemed

like the standoff
would go on forever,

the pressure
was finally starting

to get to the grown-ups.

Because they knew
if the bedtime rule

were put to bed,

it could start a domino effect

that would ripple
all the way down Cranson Street.

What do they want
next, Fred, huh--

a ban on cauliflower
at dinner?

Worse. A mandate
against making their beds.

Oh...
I need my bromide.

I know my Morty.

You know what
he'll want to do?

Drive.

Still, the International
Adult Conspiracy

was as sneaky as ever.

Especially Mom, who took up
a sudden interest in astronomy.

What are you
looking at, Mom?

Oh! Ooh, ah.

Well, I'll be.

The rings of Jupiter. Oh...

It was clear
that the mind-warping effects

of 164 hours without sleep
were getting to everyone.

It's my turn to hold the radio.

How come Artie
always holds the radio?

Wake up, Petunia.

Don't zonk out on me.

Wake up.

Ugh! Why is the grass so wet?

Is it raining?

Huh? Is it?

I haven't seen it rain,
so why is the grass so wet?

Stop the hammering!

Will somebody please tell them
to stop the hammering?

( groaning )

Where's Libby?

( groaning )

Libby, Libby...

Libby was lost.

Somehow, she'd wandered
into Mrs. Chacuti's backyard

and couldn't get out.

All she needed
was one solar-powered sneeze,

and she'd snap right out of it.

Unfortunately,

Libby had one huge problem.

The sun was on a lunch break.

The stare-down
went on for hours,

but I guess Mr. Sun was feeling
a little logy after lunch.

He never came out to play,
and in the end...

Wimp!

...Mr. Sun wimped out.

They found her
around dinnertime

catching Zs under
Mrs. Chacuti's birdbath.

You're next, kid!

You're going down!

Wax my nose hair!

Suddenly adults were
gaining the upper hand,

because by nights
eight and nine,

the Night Crawlers
started dropping...

( snoring )

...like flies.

( zydeco music playing )

( laughing ):
It's the crazy Cajun pile.

My, my!

( laughing )

Whop it! Whop it!

( laughing )

Taxi. Taxi.

( laughter and music continue )

Whoa, taxi!

( traffic noises )

( laughing )

( music stops )

( thud )

Oh, no.
Artie, help!

Oh, no!
Oh, my!

Don't look, boy!
Don't look!

Just once.

Ew!

And then there were two.

It all came down
to the final night.

If Pete and Artie could hold on
for nine more hours,

the balance of power
in the Wrigley household

might shift forever.

The stakes had never
been higher

for Cranson Street,
and for the world.

( sleepily ):
Must hang on.

Cannot give in.

( yelling )

Be strong,
freckle-faced boy.

Sleep is for the puny.

It's un-pipe.

I-I have...
I got to keep moving, Artie.

Yes? Then I challenge you,
my friend,

to a game... of tag...

( laughing )

...of the flashlight variety.

( turns on radio )
( funky music playing )

With the Krebstar 2000

pumping fresh funk
into his cortex,

Artie was ready for action.
Disrobe.

I don't believe
you can catch me,

for I am super freaky.

( laughing )

Artie easily outmaneuvered
the sleepy Pete

with his patented
slide and glide technique.

Come on, flashy!

Until...

( music winding down )

Say good night, Artie.

( grunting )

Come on, Artie.

( music wearing down )
Oh, no.

( Artie grunting )

Come on, Artie,
come on, you can do it!

Come on, you can stay up.

You're my only witness.

I need you, Artie.

Please!

Come on.
You can do it.

The strongest man...

( grunts )

...in... ( grunts )

the... ( grunts )

Come on, Artie.
( groaning )

( music stops )

Wake up, Artie,
wake up!

Come on!
Come on, Artie!

Artie was in super sleep...

Wake up, Artie!

...a dream state
reserved only for superheroes.

And as Artie bit the dust,
so did my brother Pete's dream.

It's over.

He had come so close.

There were only
53 minutes left,

but Pete was all out of wins.

His energy had been sucked dry,

and worst of all,
he had no more witnesses.

I... am... a...

Night Crawler!

No! No!

Hang on, Pete!

( grunting )

You okay, pumpkin?

Yeah.
Never been better.

So, what
are you waiting for?

Aren't you going
to rub it in?

Is that what you think
I'm going to do--

make you feel bad?

Well, I don't.

Pete,

you're my little boy...

and I make rules for you
because I love you.

( sotto voce ):
Mom!

What?

You know, I guess...

I guess I'm just afraid
you're growing up too fast.

It's not like I can help it.

Yeah, me neither.

What, did you think I was going
to stay ten years old forever?

So, now what?

Well...

What do you say
we settle on a new bedtime?

Are you bluffing?

How about... 10:00?

10:30.

10:15.

11:00.

Okay, 10:15's good.

Where you going?

It's bedtime, right?

Well, you still
have 49 minutes.

Forget it.

My last witness
is in La-La Land.

No, she's not.

Tag. You're it.

So, that's how the battle
over bedtime finally ended.

After 11 days and nights,
both Pete and Mom

understood that change
is inevitable--

whether you're talking

about rules, records
or ten-year-old boys.

And even though the world

will keep moving
and changing without us,

on one special night,
my brother Pete

scored a victory
in the name of kids everywhere.

And for a while, at least,
he could sleep soundly.