02x05 - Time Tunnel

[bunniefuu]

BIG PETE:
There comes that
terrible moment every year

when Daylight Savings Time
ends.

Some rat fink takes away

that extra hour,

and your fading memories
of summer finally disappear.

Some people get sad,
but not my brother, Pete.

He knows that on that
famous hour-sucking day,

you get to time travel.

In the spring,
you spring forward.

But in the fall, you fall back.

That means that at midnight,
you get to go back in time

and live the same hour twice.

To celebrate this wobble
in the time warp,

Pete and I always spend
that legendary hour

doing something,
well... legendary.

It's a time-honored tradition,
but this year I just forgot.

I guess I had more important
things on my mind

than traveling into the past.

I was thinking
about the future.

This is the day.

It sure is.

It's one of those days

when you feel you could
write with your foot.

There's less gravity.

BIG PETE:
Yep.

Pete, I'm gonna do it.

After all these
years of wondering,

I'm gonna pick up the phone,

dial Ellen's number
and say,

"Let's go
out on a date tonight."

k*ll me with a brick!

? Hey, smilin' strange ?

? You're lookin'
happily deranged ?

? Can you settle to sh**t me ?

? Or have you picked
your target yet? ?

? Hey, Sandy ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Does your dog bite? ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Hey, Sandy ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?
? Hey, Sandy ?

? Does your dog bite? ?
? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Hey, Sandy ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Hey, Sandy ?

? Does your dog bite? ?

? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?

? Hey, Sandy, hey. ?

Instead of turning the clock
back one measly hour,

I think Pete wishes he could
turn it back 10,000 hours,

back to a time when we did

everything together.

Now there's days

when he doesn't even like
to breathe the same air as me.

I have to admit,

sometimes I wish I could turn
the clock back

a couple thousand hours, too,

back to a time when Ellen and I
knew exactly what we were.

Back before things started
to get...

confusing.

Ellen had always been a girl
and a friend,

but finally I had to know.

Was she a girlfriend?

I tried calling her
from different places

on different phones,

but nothing felt right.

It took a while, but once
I found the right spot,

destiny was one ring away.

( phone ringing )

Hello, Hickle residence.

Ellen speaking.

BIG PETE:
Her dad makes her
answer the phone that way.

It kills me.

Hello, Hickle residence?

Hey, Pete, what's up?

Uh, notice anything different
about the gravity today?

No, not really.

Try writing something
with your foot.

Okay.

Ellen?

Do you want to go on a date
with me tonight?

Ellen? Hello?

I'm here.

It's just... wow, Pete.

We've been friends for so long.

A real date?

You and me.

( birds singing )

Why do I hear birds
all of a sudden?

Look outside.

( birds singing )

So what do you say?

I mean, yes.

BIG PETE:
My destiny was in motion,

but Pete's was
still sucking wind.

His time travel dream
had always been for us

to do something so legendary,

that they'd
immortalize the moment

with a souvenir slidey pen
like the one he got

at the Alamo.

But without me there
beside him,

he wasn't exactly sure
what to do.

Hey, Pete, what you
got in there?

Some chicken pot pies
or something?

Nah, time travel stuff.

Supplies.

BIG PETE:
The kit included

Kreb Stick 2000 deodorant,
crucial for sealing your pores;

a mood ring
for scientific tests

in the time warp continuum.

Yellow means worry.

And most importantly,
riboflavin.

Without a mega-dose
of riboflavin,

you could end up
stuck in the time vortex.

Stranded for eternity.

Well, Bill bet me.

He bet me
I wouldn't do it.

But I did it.

Now pay me the dollar.

I didn't say dollar.

I said doll hair.

Well, give me one doll hair.

Come on, I want it.

What's with you?

I called up Ellen
and asked her out.

We're going on a date tonight.

What?

Nothing.

It's just, if it was supposed
to happen with you guys,

wouldn't it have happened
by now?

Not necessarily.

We were just waiting
for the right moment.

TEDDY:
And you just decided

that today
was that day?

It is the day.

You want proof? Huh?

How about a little test?

If the next car
that drives by is, uh....

I don't know, yellow...

then Ellen and I
are meant to be.

Too easy.

Make it
a yellow school bus.

Okay.

A yellow school bus.

Get in.

Sorry, fellas, gotta go.

Big date tonight.

Keep in touch.

And just like that, fate
gave me

the big green light.

Hey, Stu,
how's it going?

Sally left me again.

Over nothing!

BIG PETE:
Or was it a big red light?

What if fate was telling me
I'd end up like driver Stu...

a shattered casualty of love?

It doesn't matter.

I'm fine.

I've got a whole
new outlook on things.

Look.

Plus, I'm driving my bus
to the Arctic circle,

where I'm going
to tattoo Sally's
name to my forehead,

strap myself
to an iceberg

and drift slowly
off to sea.

Good plan, Stu.

You mind if I get off
before then?

STU:
You sure?

I brought sandwiches.

BIG PETE:
Meanwhile, as 2,000%

of the recommended
daily allowance for riboflavin

surged through his body,

Pete wondered
if he'd even need it.

Then fate smiled.

It was an evil, twisted smile,
by Endless Mike Hellstrom--

the most hated bully in town.

But it was still a smile.

Hi, there.
Hi, there.

You're new around here,
aren't ya?

Yes, I am.

My name is
Nona Mecklenberg.

What's your name?

What's my name?

( screams )

That's my name.

( Mike laughs )

Oh, I got to hand it to you,
Wrigley, you sure know

how to party.

It's for time traveling,
you cheese plug.

Ooh, time traveling.

Guess your big brother

didn't get all the dink genes
after all, huh?

Let me ask you one question,
Mike.

Were you ever a kid?

Was I ever a kid?

( laughing )

No.

We'll see about that.

BIG PETE:
The mood ring said it all.

It was a red alert
that warned the world

that my brother had a plan--

a plan that would obliterate
Endless Mike

and turn Pete
into a slidey pen god.

I wasn't nearly so confident.

After my chat with Stu,

I was ready to call
the whole thing off.

Then once again, fate smiled.

It was a sickening,
sadistic smile,

but it was still a smile.

It would be the ultimate test.

I'd just ask good old Mike

if I could borrow his wheels
for the date.

If he said yes,

then Ellen and I would be
together until the end of time.

If he said no, then I guess

our love was never meant to be.

( groaning )

MIKE:
Look, you can see
your reflection.

It's nice.

What are you doing here,
carrot head?

Spit it out
or I'll spit you out.

Uh, hey, Mike,
I was just wondering

if I could borrow your car
for the night.

Big date with Ellen.

You don't say?

Well, well, well.

It's about time you guys
dropped the puck

and played a little
tonsil hockey, huh?

Uh, really? You think so?

Sure, sure.

See, the only thing is that
tonight is my drive-in night.

And I never miss

my drive-in night.

That's okay, really.

Um, it probably wouldn't
have worked out anyway.

No, no, no,
no, no.

We can't let that happen.

You came to me in your
time of need, Wrigley.

I can't let you down.

Ride like the wind,
soul brother.

BIG PETE:
My insane scheme

was working perfectly,
except for one detail.

I can't drive.

Not a problem.

I'll take you over
to the drive-in, get you set up.

Drive-in's not about
driving anyway, right?

Right.

Get in.

BIG PETE:
I was seeing a whole new side
to Endless Mike,

and after his daring raid
of the Hellstrom house,

Pete got to see
a whole new side of me.

What's your brother doing
with that scuz monkey?

The dark side
beckons him.

Come on, let's motor.

I don't know, but this
could be a felony.

Cool.

MIKE:
After you get
your arm around her,

then you're ready
for your next step.

Just create a cocoon of love

by keeping the windows
fogged up at all times, okay?

No fog, no fun.

But...
how will we see the movie?

What?

What are you
talking about?

I mean,
how do you keep 'em fogged?

All right, just,
just listen, okay?

You close the roof...

( imitates motor whining )

...like so, right?

Then you go over here

and if you turn
the fan and the heat,

equalize both of them with
a light defroster current,

you can control
the mean humidity...

oh, that, with her hot,
steaming breath,

it'll take care of
the rest, big boy.

All right.

Now, once you get
the cocoon going,

all nice and perfect, right?

Then...

then, you hit the go button.
( buzzer dings )

You hit the go,
and then...

And then, my friend,
then you know.

( chuckles )

The final test.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

You're on your own.

Welcome to the future,
Pete Wrigley.

Don't blow it.

( kisses )

BIG PETE:
How could I blow it?

I had a car, I had a date.

I had... the world.

As the clock ticked off
the final hours

of Daylight Savings Time,

one Pete prepared
to travel into the past,

while the other Pete
prepared for the future.

It arrived at precisely 9:27
p.m., Daylight Savings Time,

wearing a new vest
and a nervous smile.

Hi.

Hi.

I can't believe this.

You got Endless Mike
to lend you his car.

Yeah, he drove me
here and everything.

Believe it or not,

he's not really
that bad a guy.

Incredible.

Isn't it?

We're on a date.

You and me.

( nervous chuckling )

Welcome to the Wellsville
Drive In.

Please remember
that theater rules

prohibit smoking, littering

and beeping
your horn like morons

when the film is out of focus
or when it's dirty.

That really steams my clams.

How do you know
Mike'll be here?

He's always here.

Look.

Like clockwork.

BIG PETE:
While Pete began
his countdown, I began mine.

WOMAN ( in film ):
...and wants to go to bed.
Nothing to worry about.

MAN ( in film ):
I was worried about you.

WOMAN:
Thank you for worrying.

( clears throat )

BIG PETE:
Finally, at 10:51
Daylight Savings Time,

I made my initial contact.

I think I'm going to go
get us some popcorn.

With time running out, I needed
fog and I needed it fast.

( panting )

( horn blowing continuously )

I will stay in control.

I will not get angry.

I am a self-actualized,
caring person

who loves nature, long walks

and little children.

( horn continues )

( horn continues )

Pete, are you okay?

Fine.

Never better.

Let me get that for you.

Sugar loaf.

Sure is foggy in here.

Sure is.

Kind of hard to see the movie.

I know.

( nervously chuckles )

Hi.

Hi, kids.

Ready to die?

Here she comes.

Hand me my Riboflavin.

( squeaking )

Maybe we should take all this
a little slower, Pete.

We've been taking it slow
our entire lives, Ellen.

Don't you want to... know?

All I want to know is...

Can you get me some Jujubes?

Sure thing, honey pie.

Time to say your prayers.

Mike?

Snot on a cr*cker!

What are you doing here?

Where's Endless Mike?

I'm here with Ellen.

Mike lent me his car.

What are you doing here?

Nothing now, thanks to you.

What did I do?

You blew it, big time.

You forgot.

Forgot what?

Forget it.

I opened up the roof.

All right, good move.

Outstanding.

With only ten minutes to go
until the movie ended,

I had to take the final leap.

( buzzer dings )

What are you doing?!

( buzzer dings )

It's the final
test for us, Ellen.

You hit the go,
and then...

I want to know.

What are you
talking about?

Pete, you're not
acting like yourself.

You're acting just,
like, I don't know,

you're acting like...

Mike!

Mike?

Mike?

Hi.

I'm Mike.

Just wanted to stop by and see
how you young lovers were doing.

Timing with the go button--

very tasty, ten points.

Go button?

What is he talking about?

Go button?

I'm not quite sure
I've ever heard of...

However, I must say,

I am extremely disappointed in
this so-called cocoon of love.

What did I tell you, huh?

No fog, no fun.
No fog, no fun.

I can explain,
really.

No fog, no fun?

Is that all I mean to you?

After all we've been through?

After all
these years?

This is what you think of me?

Ellen!

Something I said?

I had hoped that by midnight,

I would know if Ellen was
a friend or more than a friend.

Now, thanks to my stupidity,
she was neither.

Let's light this candle!

( ticking )

( groaning )

Whoa.

What a rush!

What is going on here?

History.

We interrupt tonight's feature,
That Kind of Woman,

to bring you a special
film presentation.

We hope you enjoy it.

It's called, Endless Mike--

The Early Days.

( maniacal laughter )

No!

What are you watching?

Go home, there's
nothing to see!

Go home!

Close your eyes!

Hey, Pete.

Pete, listen up.

When you forget about me,
I want to forget about you.

But I can't.

There aren't too many
of us time travelers left.

Time travel?

It's tonight?

You've got one hour
to do one thing

you've always wanted to do.

So go do it, you nimrod.

BIG PETE:
The end
of Daylight Savings Time

gave me a sh*t at
a new beginning with Ellen.

At least in theory.

Leave me alone.

Go away.

It's late enough
as it is.

My father
is going to k*ll me.

He said be home by midnight,
it's past midnight.

No, it isn't.
It's only 11:30.

Daylight Savings
Time ended.

We've got a second chance.

We can live the hour over again.

After what you did to me?

I know. I'm sorry.

I kind of got lost
in, in the future.

I know that sounds weird,
but now I'm back.

And all I want to do

is go back
to when...

Ellen... I just
want to be friends again.

Maybe that's what
we were supposed to be.

Walk you home?

In the end,
I realized that there are

some things
you just can't force.

As much as you want to,
you can't control time.

At best, you can turn the clock
back one hour a year.

Make that two hours
in Pete's case,

because as he pedaled his way
to glory that night,

the Time Lord crossed
into the Central Time Zone,

and when he did,
he got to time travel again

for another full hour.

Sure enough, they did make
that slidey pen for him.

They're kind of rare,
but if you look hard enough,

you can probably find one.

Well, good night, buddy.

Good night, pal.

( giggles )

Would Ellen and I

ever figure out
whether we were friends

or more than friends?

I guess only time would tell.