03x02 - The Trouble with Teddy

[bunniefuu]

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this is theodore l foursman but everyone

calls him teddy

look at that face

he's never been the most normal kid but

i like him anyway

his favorite hobby

making sun brewed iced tea

his favorite sport

speed walking

and when he laughs and drinks

beautiful things happen

i thought i knew everything about teddy

but that was before his parents went

away for a week and i uttered the eight

words that changed our friendship

forever

why don't you stay with me at my house

really you mean it sure that's what

friends are for we'll have a blast

excellent

good times roll

good times

you'd think so

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but how could i know that i was in for

the worst time of my life

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oh

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uh

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[Applause]

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teddy was staying at my house for a week

it seemed like no big deal we were pals

band mates we even had the same blood

type besides with teddy around i had the

perfect excuse to escape

family night

hey who wants to cut the cheese

not me

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it's a

it's a family bonding thing tonight's

american dairy night excellent day

now this is family fun the dairy way how

come pete gets out of this crud because

i have a guest

mr mrs wrigley i just want to thank you

for letting me stay here i've only been

here for three minutes and i'm having

the time in my life it's our pleasure

teddy

hey pete what do you say we do a little

speed walking night is young

there's crisp

uh speed walking

gee uh well why don't you stay here in a

few minutes your mom's gonna make some

curd

heel to toe heel to toe

brilliant scan pal brilliant what's

getting what scammed you k*ll me

maybe the speed walking had jiggled my

brain but i soon warmed up to the idea

of bonding with my new roommate

teddy i want to tell you a secret

i haven't told anyone this but

diane sensky

i'm thinking of asking her out

bold move big red bold move

yeah i know

she does this thing with her hair she

twists it in her fingers and

she

chooses

uh yeah excellente

the only thing is

every time i see her i kind of clam up

hey

i've been there pal and i'll be there

for you

what are you doing my very special soul

shake

here stick with me this time

[Music]

so

you have to say it

so

while teddy and i were bonding indoors

my brother was out bonding with mother

nature

you see mom had given pete permission to

sleep in the backyard while teddy slept

in his bed you okay son you need

anything

nope

everything i need is out here

everything wow

it'll be our little secret

now i'm not really sure what happened

next

it could have been the pollen count

or maybe he stared too long at all those

stars

but by the next morning

my brother p

had become brother nature

hey pete

you want the rest

i mark your cheese danish and all it

stands for i'm living off the land now

the air is so fresh here it's

so moist so alive

teddy

we're half a mile from your house it's

the same air i know but atmospherically

speaking

oh no what what is it giancinsky living

a clap

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let's sign big red you gotta ask around

the power

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you do that

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hi pete hey diane

cool shoes oh

thanks they're my sisters

they're eights

i mean size eight

oh yeah i'm a i'm a size eight two

um in men's sizes of course

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um

i saw you at halftime last saturday at

the game ask her

hi teddy

ask her what

oh i'm sorry i didn't want to spoil the

moment

what moment we're waiting for the bus uh

right the bus

gotcha i'll just leave the two of you

alone

what was that about

oh just he no he knew that i wanted to

um

ask you out for friday night oh well

that'd be great

what wait did i say yes before you asked

me out

i mean you did ask me didn't you yeah

and you said yes

with teddy's help i had a date

i guess i was glad he was there for me

but the problem was over the next few

days teddy was everywhere

[Music]

this deodorant is amazing

it's like

having a pine forest in your armpit

smell it go ahead i'll pass but thanks

well don't thank me until you try it

it's super absorbent for those super

close moments

what are you doing

i'm personalizing your underpants this

way we'll know who's or who's it's a

crucial move when you both wear the same

brand

what you didn't know that

hello uh hey diane

hi it's pete

so uh what are you doing

hi

uh

i guess

nothing

what are you doing me just taking a bath

the water here is so excellent day

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deep in the forest i was finally free

alone

at peace

oh

it's you

i was hoping it was a squirrel

starving

sorry

pete

am i not a nice guy

is it bad to be angry at a friend

not if you really hate him

i don't hate teddy

he's my pal i think

but he's driving me crazy

i'll tell you one thing i'm going on a

date with diane and teddy's gonna be

nowhere near us you hear me

nowhere near us

i'll be out to jiffy pal okie dokie big

red

and so began

operation ditch teddy

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i had to cover all my tracks

so i used every trick i learned from

watching late night spy movies

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hey pete where have you been

yeah where have you been um i was uh

showering

cool sweater

we ordered the pizza and they gave us

pepperoni

there's as much saturated fat in one

slice of pepperoni as there isn't a two

pound cheese log

what you guys didn't know that

i think i'll leave you two alone

diane

wait

please

[Applause]

she's so moody

the pepperoni wasn't the only thing that

needed removing

teddy was a scab on my life

and i was gonna

pick him off

once upon a time i shared a bedroom with

my brother and teddy forsman was just

this kid i knew

now

pete had turned into a hunter gatherer

stalking wild game for his supper

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as for teddy forsman well he had glommed

onto my life like a bad case of fungus

and the only way to get the fungus off

was to give it to someone else

the logical choice

dad teddy the carburetor is the heart of

the engine and today you and i are heart

surgeons now the first thing i'm going

to show you how to do disconnect the

tubular coil i already did

oh yes

you did didn't you

oh well then

let's move on to the water valve you

mean oil valve

water oil

water

and i'll prove it to you

see

a pinging noise usually means alternator

trouble if it's more of a recur recur

sound i'd say camshaft if it's more of a

freak break sound i'd say the fan belt

well you didn't know that

i'll tell you what why don't you just

stand right there and tell me what the

problem is i'm all ears

[Applause]

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it's definitely the fan belt

once planned dad tanked i quickly

switched to plan mom

i figured it was foolproof

and it was

for a while it's like i always say

can't spell gladiola

felt glad

unfortunately teddy was so grateful for

the gardening tips that he wrote mom a

10 page thank you note

and he left it in the one place he knew

she'd find it

attached to the metal plate in her head

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but the giant magnet ended up

magnetizing her metal plate

finally that left my brother pete

who needed all the help he could get

catching dinner

for centuries tribal hunters have been

using this method to catch squirrels

it's perfect

primitive yet effective

in a word

excellency

i'm gonna do this my way

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it's called a hole

what you didn't know that

by then there was one thing everybody

knew

we had to get theodore l forsman out of

our lives

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sorry fruit cup

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pete

fyi the iroquois tribe of central new

york ate their corn vertically too

they also called their corn maze

probably because it tasted amazing

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this corn is tricky and stubborn i need

to floss i'll tell some more jokes when

i get back

please hurry

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let's do it

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should we leave a note no time let's go

let's go

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bust a rub son get in the car

i can't dad internal combustion isn't

nature's way

fine then you stay here with teddy

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hello

where is everybody

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we did it wrigley's we did it we dropped

him like a bad habit made a clean break

the best kind yeah

that's it find a problem make a decision

that was action

yes

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look at me for it

dumped them it was great

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hey where were you guys

oh

we um

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we had to go to the store right mom

that's right

we needed food

for uh

family night uh it's tomorrow we're

doing mexican night olay

uh we had to

buy some beans

can't uh

can't have mexican night without the

beans

you know we're a

bean kind of family

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of course

the beans

i understand

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well

goodnight everybody

all right

who are we kidding

teddy knew the truth so did i

the time had come for us to talk

look teddy

i know we've been friends for a long

time but

this you staying here thing just

isn't working out

i

think the last couple of days has showed

us that well

maybe we're not the friends we thought

we were

you don't have to go home or anything

i mean if you want you can stay till

your parents get back okay

i guess you're upset

i understand

goodnight

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the next morning i read teddy's note

he said he had to go home because he

left the toaster oven on

but i knew the real reason he left

me

mom

dad

it's over

teddy and i had a talk last night

when he left

well he didn't have to leave

uh yeah

we could have worked it out

[Music]

ah welcome back to civilization sun

thanks

how's that uh squirrel burrito no

honey why don't you let your brother hit

the pinata

you hit him long

use the seven iron

no i don't feel like it

pardon me is this the wrigley residence

you betcha uh i mean c

got a package for you i mean here

i wonder what it is

[Music]

to the wriglies via con dios your amigo

forever

teddy

ps

the straw used to make these sombreros

is guatemalan in

origin what you guys didn't know that

wasn't that sweet

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very

hey come on let's do a hat dance huh

i feel like a turd so do i

we've got to do something

no i've got to do something

he is my friend

well

he was

and maybe he still can be

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hey

teddy

are you there

hey teddy

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[Applause]

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teddy

teddy

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teddy

teddy

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pete what are you doing here looking for

you

oh you got the sombrero excellente

but if you don't like it you can take it

back i saved the receipt

no no it's fine

look teddy

i'm really sorry you left

what are you sorry for you should be

glad i left

no i'm not

you've got a few problems

but we all do

you have the same problem as me

which problem

you know

with beans

when you said you went out to buy beans

for mexican night i panicked

me and beans don't get along

they

give me gas

so

that's why you left

yeah

i snuck out before you came to bed

things were going so well i figured why

ruin it

so

what problem are you talking about

oh forget it it's nothing

i have a feeling it won't be a problem

anymore

shake

so

yeah

so

so that's my story

and that guy right there

is theodore l forsman

everyone calls him teddy

but me

well

i call him a friend

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[Applause]

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you