03x10 - Pinned!

[bunniefuu]

behold the glory of the varsity letter

it's only a six-inch piece of low pile

carpet but once you attach it to a

varsity jacket you've got the power of

the

mighty with the power to cut in line

[Music]

the power to melt girls into love putty

and the power to snicker at life from

the back of class

mr wrigley pay attention

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the power of the mighty w i had to have

it

all i needed to do was pick a sport and

then make the team

simple right

yeah

as simple as falling off a building

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oh

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oh

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[Applause]

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wrestling

invented by the greco-romans in the year

67 a.d

it combines speed agility endurance

and in my case

lots of health insurance

cut out all that fancy stuff son

just grab the guy throw them on the

ground start giving them the business

meet bino glattner a coach with the

wrestling knowledge of your average

caveman

you're not a wrestler son you're a sofa

get off your duff and go work out with

roy

hey pete

roy

you know you could have had him if you

just scissor kicked and gave him a

reverse wheel diggy

a reverse what a reverse wheel diggy

here i'll show you

what you might not know about my friend

ellen is that wrestling is in her blood

her uncle gentleman bill hickl was the

greater pensacola wrestling champion and

passed everything he knew

on to ellen what the blue-eyed blazes is

going on here it's called the reverse

will diggy i could show you

young lady the only thing you can show

me is your keister as it walks out that

door

i just want to help the team you want to

help the team well then put a pom-pom in

your fist and get out there and root for

these boys show them your pep

you want pep

i'll show you pep

while ellen got ready to take on

glattner i found out i wouldn't be

taking on anybody i can't believe it

fourth string i'll never get to wrestle

well at least you're ahead of the dummy

i'm toast how am i supposed to get my

letter now

fyi peed there's another way to get a

letter all you have to do is come to

every practice

that's it

just show up and the big w is double

yours

hey

you know what that w stands for don't

you is it uh

wrestler

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no

no it's not wrestler

uh

winner

i don't think so

i know what it is

it just dawned on me

wuss focus

let him go mike you're blocking off his

cardroid artery which is depriving his

brain of oxygen rich blood

you guys didn't know that

all i know is this the red oh it's

great with my new shirt

he said let him go

what are you gonna do jocko eat me for

lunch yeah i might

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clowns

look at all you you're a bunch of clowns

walking around here so smug with your

little carpet letters like you own the

joint you know i got a nice shag staple

to the roof of my van you think i could

be a jocko too

the only letter you deserve is this one

loser

that's very funny wrigley it's good i'm

glad to see that you're showing a little

spine

enjoy it while you can

because when i get you alone

i'm going to yank it out of your body

and b*at you over the head with it

like a

a drum

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it looked like me and wrestling were

going to be very happy together not only

was i protected from my arch enemy but

now that my letter was in the bag

the only thing that got to work out was

my jaw

eddie my man

bacon and bacon

scotty looking good

good looking

wrestlemania seven the beast from the

east

while i took the easy way out another

fighting squid snuck behind enemy lines

to launch a sneak att*ck on glaad

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delicious about you i never knew you had

so much pets oh yes darlene p-e-p pep is

important to m.e me

okay let's go let's go

big bad roy

master disaster hey pete bad news it's

endless mike he transferred to sludgely

high

oh wow i guess i scared him off huh pete

he joined the wrestling team we wrestle

sludgely next week he's gonna take you

on relax pal i'm fourth string that

means there's three guys ahead of me

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take this fallen squid down to the nurse

tell her to rub some dirt on it they

should make it

one down

two to go

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teddy this is gonna sound crazy

but i think endless mike's going after

all the wrestlers ahead of me

i'd sure hate to be frank fizzini

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yes

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now only one wrestler stood between me

and a spleenectomy

carl van dijk

i had to find a way to keep carl alive

fortunately i knew the right man for the

job

all right

if we're gonna get along there's three

rules

one sleep with your shoes on just in

case you have to make a break

two no eating unless i tasted first

three

my code name is

shaggy

man this is stupid

look crud munch i don't have to be here

i've got a nice bed at home and a mama

gets turkish radio on the middle plate

in her head so you better ask yourself

do i want to live

or do i want to die

i i want to live

that's better

now relax

i'll stand up for some grub

i guess this place isn't too bad we got

cable tv fine on amazing fingers

vibrating bed

hello room service

i'd like to order

vibrating bed

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hey this is great

curse you endless mike

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from next on his hit parade teddy i

gotta quit no choice you're gonna give

up the letter

i'm not so sure how good it's gonna look

on my dead body

pete wait i have an idea

this is you

this is endless mic both in the 130 to

139 pound weight range if you can get

your way down to 129 you'll be in the

next level

like we'll have to wrestle someone else

you mean all i have to do is lose some

weight and i won't have to wrestle

endless mike teddy you're a genius

what you didn't know that

lose a few pounds gain a life it all

seems so simple

yeah right

the big w

to ellen it stood for w*r

which she vowed to win by teaching

glattner a few things

for me it stood for wimp

but i didn't care i had to get that w

for my jacket

so what if it meant running from endless

mic across a 10 pound weight zone all i

had to do was sweat it off and my

troubles would be over

but with every ounce i lost

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endless mike was right beside me

he was toying with me

anticipating every move

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to b*at him at his game

i had to be devious

but no one does devious like endless

mike

say hello to my kidney

three pounds four messes

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in the end

it all came down to

so you and me wrigley

you're my destiny

129 pounds and 14 ounces

130 pounds and one ounce

excellent

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so

give me a moment won't you

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oh uh-huh

it's kind it's gonna come

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129 pounds and 15 ounces

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you know

carrot headache say that the human body

has over 191 separate bones

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oh where do i begin

it has often been said that quitters

never win but what they don't tell you

is that quitters also never get their

guts pulverized in front of the whole

school

while i wrestled with my decision ellen

decided to take down glattner

give me a hard time with the

twist around

now do a double left twist okay now

shift your legs

i warned you

this team has one coach his name is beno

glattner

know how long i've been coaching

since the mesozoic era that's enough

from you

i don't want to see you until a match

gladner

i've forgotten more about wrestling than

he ever knew

pete what's wrong

nothing much

just deciding whether i want to quit

or wrestle endless mike die

let's see quit

die

quit

die he you can't quit

what about your letter

i tried everything to b*at him

everything but wrestling

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you can wrestle pete

you just need someone to show you how

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teddy's going to help us out by playing

endless mike

carrad

to take this moment to remember the way

you were

alive

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dink

so the training session of my life began

turn around okay okay okay now take the

elbow and drive go go okay try an ankle

pick roll followed by a double tuck

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where'd you learn to wrestle in your

nightmares wrigley

okay

let's try another approach

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for the first few hours endless teddy

played chinese checkers with my

vertebrae

[Music]

but sometime around dawn ellen's

coaching began to kick in

okay now take the elbow and drive

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down

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you're ready pete

yeah

but how i know which moves to use

relax

i'll be there to coach you all the way

excellent day

thanks to ellen i was ready not only to

get the letter but after a lifetime of

abuse to get back at endless mic

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i wonder where mike is

maybe he wussed out

too bad i was kind of looking forward to

curling his teeth

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[Applause]

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[Applause]

i am

the doctor

of death

[Applause]

and i am here

to cure you

of your life

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take him down pete

remember to talk

i'm on to you miss e

you even think about coaching and your

keister will be suspended for the rest

of the semester

gentlemen you know the rules i want a

clean match

yes ma'am squeaky clean

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[Applause]

there you go

[Applause]

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[Applause]

i call this my intensive care home

you have insurance wrigley

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the patient seems to be losing

consciousness

what did i do

darling

hang on pete

squid

let's get super psyched

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[Applause]

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turn the blades and fight fights

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nice move flaming

round one was just a diagnosis my friend

round two the surgery

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[Applause]

congratulations little miss hotshot you

just earned yourself a six-month

suspension give her the old evolve

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nice going kid you keep scrapping i'm

out there you'll be fine

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i'm sorry

but i'm

gonna die

pete you don't have to go back in there

the big w is yours

let me throw in the towel

teddy was right the letter was mine

it was all that i wanted it was all that

mattered

but then i saw endless mike

and i realized that it wasn't about the

letter anymore

i'm tired of running

it's me or mike

[Applause]

it's time for the doctor

to sign your death warrant flame head

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[Applause]

that was just a checkup wrigley now it's

time to check out

look a bear

[Applause]

just accept it wrigley death is another

part of life

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looks like you're gonna get your letter

after all wrigley

l for loser

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oh

that's not good

[Applause]

yes

from his coach that cheerleader you just

kicked out

[Applause]

now the doctor is out

[Applause]

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i can't lose on the doctors

[Applause]

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[Applause]

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that's pretty much the whole story of

how i got my varsity letter

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from that day on

w would never stand for wimp or wuss

bucket

but for winner

and i guess

no one needs a letter for that

my victory

is

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now

[Applause]

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foreign

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you