behold the glory of the varsity letter
it's only a six-inch piece of low pile
carpet but once you attach it to a
varsity jacket you've got the power of
the
mighty with the power to cut in line
[Music]
the power to melt girls into love putty
and the power to snicker at life from
the back of class
mr wrigley pay attention
[Music]
the power of the mighty w i had to have
it
all i needed to do was pick a sport and
then make the team
simple right
yeah
as simple as falling off a building
[Music]
oh
[Music]
oh
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
wrestling
invented by the greco-romans in the year
67 a.d
it combines speed agility endurance
and in my case
lots of health insurance
cut out all that fancy stuff son
just grab the guy throw them on the
ground start giving them the business
meet bino glattner a coach with the
wrestling knowledge of your average
caveman
you're not a wrestler son you're a sofa
get off your duff and go work out with
roy
hey pete
roy
you know you could have had him if you
just scissor kicked and gave him a
reverse wheel diggy
a reverse what a reverse wheel diggy
here i'll show you
what you might not know about my friend
ellen is that wrestling is in her blood
her uncle gentleman bill hickl was the
greater pensacola wrestling champion and
passed everything he knew
on to ellen what the blue-eyed blazes is
going on here it's called the reverse
will diggy i could show you
young lady the only thing you can show
me is your keister as it walks out that
door
i just want to help the team you want to
help the team well then put a pom-pom in
your fist and get out there and root for
these boys show them your pep
you want pep
i'll show you pep
while ellen got ready to take on
glattner i found out i wouldn't be
taking on anybody i can't believe it
fourth string i'll never get to wrestle
well at least you're ahead of the dummy
i'm toast how am i supposed to get my
letter now
fyi peed there's another way to get a
letter all you have to do is come to
every practice
that's it
just show up and the big w is double
yours
hey
you know what that w stands for don't
you is it uh
wrestler
[Music]
no
no it's not wrestler
uh
winner
i don't think so
i know what it is
it just dawned on me
wuss focus
let him go mike you're blocking off his
cardroid artery which is depriving his
brain of oxygen rich blood
you guys didn't know that
all i know is this the red oh it's
great with my new shirt
he said let him go
what are you gonna do jocko eat me for
lunch yeah i might
[Music]
clowns
look at all you you're a bunch of clowns
walking around here so smug with your
little carpet letters like you own the
joint you know i got a nice shag staple
to the roof of my van you think i could
be a jocko too
the only letter you deserve is this one
loser
that's very funny wrigley it's good i'm
glad to see that you're showing a little
spine
enjoy it while you can
because when i get you alone
i'm going to yank it out of your body
and b*at you over the head with it
like a
a drum
[Music]
it looked like me and wrestling were
going to be very happy together not only
was i protected from my arch enemy but
now that my letter was in the bag
the only thing that got to work out was
my jaw
eddie my man
bacon and bacon
scotty looking good
good looking
wrestlemania seven the beast from the
east
while i took the easy way out another
fighting squid snuck behind enemy lines
to launch a sneak att*ck on glaad
[Music]
delicious about you i never knew you had
so much pets oh yes darlene p-e-p pep is
important to m.e me
okay let's go let's go
big bad roy
master disaster hey pete bad news it's
endless mike he transferred to sludgely
high
oh wow i guess i scared him off huh pete
he joined the wrestling team we wrestle
sludgely next week he's gonna take you
on relax pal i'm fourth string that
means there's three guys ahead of me
[Music]
take this fallen squid down to the nurse
tell her to rub some dirt on it they
should make it
one down
two to go
[Music]
teddy this is gonna sound crazy
but i think endless mike's going after
all the wrestlers ahead of me
i'd sure hate to be frank fizzini
[Music]
yes
[Music]
now only one wrestler stood between me
and a spleenectomy
carl van dijk
i had to find a way to keep carl alive
fortunately i knew the right man for the
job
all right
if we're gonna get along there's three
rules
one sleep with your shoes on just in
case you have to make a break
two no eating unless i tasted first
three
my code name is
shaggy
man this is stupid
look crud munch i don't have to be here
i've got a nice bed at home and a mama
gets turkish radio on the middle plate
in her head so you better ask yourself
do i want to live
or do i want to die
i i want to live
that's better
now relax
i'll stand up for some grub
i guess this place isn't too bad we got
cable tv fine on amazing fingers
vibrating bed
hello room service
i'd like to order
vibrating bed
[Music]
hey this is great
curse you endless mike
[Music]
from next on his hit parade teddy i
gotta quit no choice you're gonna give
up the letter
i'm not so sure how good it's gonna look
on my dead body
pete wait i have an idea
this is you
this is endless mic both in the 130 to
139 pound weight range if you can get
your way down to 129 you'll be in the
next level
like we'll have to wrestle someone else
you mean all i have to do is lose some
weight and i won't have to wrestle
endless mike teddy you're a genius
what you didn't know that
lose a few pounds gain a life it all
seems so simple
yeah right
the big w
to ellen it stood for w*r
which she vowed to win by teaching
glattner a few things
for me it stood for wimp
but i didn't care i had to get that w
for my jacket
so what if it meant running from endless
mic across a 10 pound weight zone all i
had to do was sweat it off and my
troubles would be over
but with every ounce i lost
[Music]
endless mike was right beside me
he was toying with me
anticipating every move
[Music]
to b*at him at his game
i had to be devious
but no one does devious like endless
mike
say hello to my kidney
three pounds four messes
[Music]
in the end
it all came down to
so you and me wrigley
you're my destiny
129 pounds and 14 ounces
130 pounds and one ounce
excellent
[Music]
so
give me a moment won't you
[Music]
oh uh-huh
it's kind it's gonna come
[Music]
129 pounds and 15 ounces
[Music]
you know
carrot headache say that the human body
has over 191 separate bones
[Music]
oh where do i begin
it has often been said that quitters
never win but what they don't tell you
is that quitters also never get their
guts pulverized in front of the whole
school
while i wrestled with my decision ellen
decided to take down glattner
give me a hard time with the
twist around
now do a double left twist okay now
shift your legs
i warned you
this team has one coach his name is beno
glattner
know how long i've been coaching
since the mesozoic era that's enough
from you
i don't want to see you until a match
gladner
i've forgotten more about wrestling than
he ever knew
pete what's wrong
nothing much
just deciding whether i want to quit
or wrestle endless mike die
let's see quit
die
quit
die he you can't quit
what about your letter
i tried everything to b*at him
everything but wrestling
[Music]
you can wrestle pete
you just need someone to show you how
[Music]
teddy's going to help us out by playing
endless mike
carrad
to take this moment to remember the way
you were
alive
[Music]
dink
so the training session of my life began
turn around okay okay okay now take the
elbow and drive go go okay try an ankle
pick roll followed by a double tuck
[Music]
where'd you learn to wrestle in your
nightmares wrigley
okay
let's try another approach
[Music]
for the first few hours endless teddy
played chinese checkers with my
vertebrae
[Music]
but sometime around dawn ellen's
coaching began to kick in
okay now take the elbow and drive
[Music]
down
[Music]
you're ready pete
yeah
but how i know which moves to use
relax
i'll be there to coach you all the way
excellent day
thanks to ellen i was ready not only to
get the letter but after a lifetime of
abuse to get back at endless mic
[Music]
[Music]
i wonder where mike is
maybe he wussed out
too bad i was kind of looking forward to
curling his teeth
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
i am
the doctor
of death
[Applause]
and i am here
to cure you
of your life
[Music]
take him down pete
remember to talk
i'm on to you miss e
you even think about coaching and your
keister will be suspended for the rest
of the semester
gentlemen you know the rules i want a
clean match
yes ma'am squeaky clean
[Music]
[Applause]
there you go
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
i call this my intensive care home
you have insurance wrigley
[Music]
the patient seems to be losing
consciousness
what did i do
darling
hang on pete
squid
let's get super psyched
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
turn the blades and fight fights
[Music]
nice move flaming
round one was just a diagnosis my friend
round two the surgery
[Music]
[Applause]
congratulations little miss hotshot you
just earned yourself a six-month
suspension give her the old evolve
[Music]
nice going kid you keep scrapping i'm
out there you'll be fine
[Music]
i'm sorry
but i'm
gonna die
pete you don't have to go back in there
the big w is yours
let me throw in the towel
teddy was right the letter was mine
it was all that i wanted it was all that
mattered
but then i saw endless mike
and i realized that it wasn't about the
letter anymore
i'm tired of running
it's me or mike
[Applause]
it's time for the doctor
to sign your death warrant flame head
[Music]
[Applause]
that was just a checkup wrigley now it's
time to check out
look a bear
[Applause]
just accept it wrigley death is another
part of life
[Music]
looks like you're gonna get your letter
after all wrigley
l for loser
[Music]
oh
that's not good
[Applause]
yes
from his coach that cheerleader you just
kicked out
[Applause]
now the doctor is out
[Applause]
[Music]
i can't lose on the doctors
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
that's pretty much the whole story of
how i got my varsity letter
[Music]
from that day on
w would never stand for wimp or wuss
bucket
but for winner
and i guess
no one needs a letter for that
my victory
is
[Music]
now
[Applause]
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
you
03x10 - Pinned!
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Centers around two brothers, both named Pete Wrigley, and their humorous and surreal adventures in suburbia among their equally eccentric friends, enemies, and neighbors.
Centers around two brothers, both named Pete Wrigley, and their humorous and surreal adventures in suburbia among their equally eccentric friends, enemies, and neighbors.