10x10 - Dog Meat Trifle

[bunniefuu]

SHE GIGGLES

SHE BURBLES LOUDLY

RADIO STATIC

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, I'm Greg Davies, and I wish
you a warm welcome

to the Taskmaster grand final!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

When Edmund Hillary was asked why he
felt the need to conquer Everest,

he reportedly replied,
"Because it's there."

We like to think that if he'd been
asked to catapult a shoe

into a bath using his feet,

or chuck himself through a
Christmas-tree-bagging machine,

he would've said the same.

We repeatedly contacted his
surviving family for comment,

and they have threatened
a multilayered legal action.

Proof, if it was needed,
that winning Taskmaster

is better than climbing
Mount Everest.

Who are the bold adventurers
vying to erase Hillary's legacy?

Why, it's Daisy May Cooper!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Johnny Vegas!

Katherine Parkinson!

Mawaan Rizwan!

And Richard Herring!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And next to me,
my very own Sherpa Tenzing.

A loyal and honest companion,
except when it comes to his taxes,

which, he admitted to me over
a few drinks recently,

he's been fiddling for a decade.

It's little Alex Horne!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, Greg. All right, hello.
Oh, I'm so excited.

You must be, it's the grand final.

And I've got my new suit on. Yeah.

I've had it adapted. You'll notice
I've got zips here,

and here and here and here.
It's a hiking suit.

OK. I can't display it all now,
because I'm not hiking.

But later on I might hike and then
I will display

the full range of the suit.

All right, then.
Something to look forward to.

What have we got for the
final prize task category, Alex?

Well, I'm going to tell you now
in my best grand final voice.

NORMAL VOICE: It's the greatest
collection.

LAUGHTER You know collections?

Like the ones I had from my
childhood

which you made me throw away?
Those things.

But our cast still have theirs and
they've brought them in.

The greatest, as judged by you,
will get five massive points, Greg.

And at the end of the show,
the overall winner

will have to find space for
five great collections.

Katherine? My great collection — for
the last, I would say, six months,

I've been making,
almost compulsively, clay masks.

I can't stop.
Specifically for this show?

No! God, no. LAUGHTER

Just, erm... I just had this urge to
work with clay.

Yep. Quite often male faces.
Right.

Everything cool at home?
I think it might be a breakdown.

There's Katherine's collection.
It's interesting.

I expected them to be better
than they are.

LAUGHTER That's the truth.

I know what you mean.
LAUGHING: I know what you mean.

I can't really...

Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Is it egotistical that I've already
found myself in that collection,

and it looks like I've got
a head cold.

Second one? LAUGHTER

I mean, honestly...
It's more a mood...

I've grown very fond of you,
but they're rubbish.

They're rubbish.
KATHERINE CHORTLES

Mawaan?
This is one of my hobbies, yeah?

Basically, I paint emojis onto jars.

I call them emo-jars. Emo-jars.

This is what they look like.
Here we go.

Oh! Look at that.

Oh, bully for you. Yeah.
LAUGHTER

I mean, to my untrained
artistic eye,

you know, they're... they're
actually good.

Also, I made one special for
this show as well. Here it is.

Oh, you... ALL: Aww!

You smooth bastard.

I mean, I absolutely love it. Yeah?

Have you ever thought about
collaborating with another artist?

Johnny, what collection
have you brought in?

Recently, I've started to collect
pub signs.

Here are the pub signs. Right.

Oh. They're quite nice.

I've got a particularly difficult
garden wall

and the plaster won't stick to it.
So I'm gonna do it in pub signs.

And do what every alcoholic
ultimately does...

Create a pub at home.

Well, I think they're nice and I'd
sort of like to own them.

Have you thought about mounting them
on the wall

and maybe mix some original art
with them?

Well, I've considered masks.
LAUGHTER

I like your pub signs.
They're really nice. Richard?

Now, this, to give it some context,

is something that, as a child,
I collected unironically...

Uh-oh. But it is the best collection
of worthless things.

I mean, it's heartbreaking already.

Coins, and a couple of badges, from
Richard. Couple of badges as well.

I mean, what strikes me about it,
Richard,

is there's not that many coins
there. I know, it's not very many.

It's pathetic!
It's a tiny collection.

That's why I said it's the best
collection of worthless things.

I would rather have my entire house
lined with Katherine's masks

than take that home.

Whoa. OK.
I mean, well done, Richard.

It's one of the worst prizes brought
in all series. Thank you.

Fantastic. One left. Daisy?

A collection of electronic voice
phenon... phenonemons...

ph-phenonemon, er...

OK, so basically,
ghosts I've recorded on camera.

OK, let's stick with the word
for a bit.

Phenonemons... Nope.
Electronic voice phemonemons... No.

LAUGHTER

VOICE BREAKING:
Electronic voice phemonemons.

Nope. Closest, though, I think.
Yeah, that was not bad.

Electronic voice phenonemons. No!

Electronic voice phenomenons! Yes!

APPLAUSE

And here are her
electronic voice phenomenons.

I really want to have a listen.

Well, open your mind and listen to
this. Close my eyes, open my mind.

MUFFLED STATIC
DAISY: 'If there's anybody in here, '

'can you whisper or talk into the
microphone which is here.'

ETHEREAL VOICE ON TAPE
Did you hear that?

It says, "Don't be afraid."
And it's an ethereal woman's voice.

I definitely heard that.
And I find that...

That makes me know , %
that spirits exist.

Where were you for the first one?
In hospital.

The second one,
the ghost doesn't say,

"I'm just gonna take your
temperature"?

LAUGHTER

Here's another one.

'Is there anybody here that has
a message for me?'

ETHEREAL VOICE ON TAPE

What did the ghost say?
"In the light." "In the light."

I just think that that's
extraordinary.

MAWAAN: Yeah, that's some
freaky sh*t, come on.

If you ridicule this,
I'll be extremely upset.

I'm not that kind of guy.

LAUGHTER

I mean,
the first one was pretty creepy.

Well, it's time to decide -
first task of the final.

Obviously, that collection of coins
is heartbreakingly the worst.

Ah. One point for Richard Herring.
Which is coming in fourth place?

Katherine, sorry.
Katherine Parkinson gets two points.

I am winded. Next, Johnny's
pub signs, three points.

Three points for three pub signs.
Erm... Four points to Daisy.

Four points to Daisy.
And, erm, Mawaan...

basically because he flattered me,
I guess,

for his glittery jars gets
the five points.

Five points to Mawaan Rizwan!
We're off!

Right, let's keep this thing off
big time!

Yes, a big start for our final
with an eensy-weensy task.

I don't like this room.
Bad things happen in this room.

Hello.
ALEX: You seem a bit surprised.

I am a bit surprised.

"Put these wellies on
the spider's feet."

"You must carry a welly
at all times,

"but you must never carry more
than three wellies."

"You must not cut, untie or snap
the twine." Obviously!

I want to locate the spider first.

You must read the whole task.

"Fastest wins.
Your time starts now."

Well, first of all,
where's the spider?

No, first of all, please carry
a welly. Oh. Thank you, Katherine.

Good. That's an unusual way of
picking something up.

Well, I was trying to think
outside the box. Yep.

Put your fist in it, why not?

Why not? KATHERINE CHORTLES

RICHARD CHUCKLES
Good, let's cr*ck on.

Complicated string contraption,
they've got to get

each of the eight wellies on each of
the spider's eight legs.

They have to carry one welly
at all times.

It takes two to tangle,
so those two are Daisy and Richard,

first of all. Yes, please.
Two leaders.

So, I've got to find a spider.
Where's the spider?

Aha! OK, I found the spider.

SCREAMING

Oh, I see! DAISY LAUGHS

OK, first one.

Oh, I've got to be carrying a welly
at all times. Oh, for God's sake.

I'm just trying to think
logistically before I go nuts.

WHISPERING: That's fine.

I've run out of len... stuff.
I can move the spider, right?

Oh, God!

Here we go. Take two.

Some of the spider's legs have
come off.

Yes! First one!

Two wellies!

You just got to get on with the job,
whatever your talents are.

This isn't one of my talents.

I-I'll take another welly, I think,
cos that might speed things up.

WHISPERING: Oh, for Go...

Oh, this is great. I should've
been doing this from the start.

This is great!

So, now I've got to put a
spider's leg back on.

SIGHING: Oh! That has actually
worked out really well.

Do you want me to stop the clock?

WHISTLE BLOWS, RICHARD CHUCKLES

APPLAUSE

"This is great."
Twice. Yeah, "This is great."

"This is great." "This has actually
gone really well."

When it comes to sticking wellies
on a giant spider,

you two guys pretty much nailed it.

I mean, this is why the two are
currently in the lead.

They're very good at this
sort of thing.

And Richard even took two wellies
out straightaway, I noticed.

It's this new-found confidence since
his big acting break.

LAUGHTER

You wear it well. Thank you.

Daisy put all the wellies
on the feet

in eight minutes and eight seconds.

What about Laurence Olivier,
how did he do?

minutes . DAISY EXCLAIMS

We have only three parts
of precious time left together.

Let's take the edge off this sadness

by buying some things from the nice
advertising people.

Thanks, capitalism!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, and welcome back to the
second part of tonight's final.

Wh... So sorry.

Where the hell have you been?
I was just doing a little...

And what happens when you're late?

Do I have to do it now? You have to
sing your late song.

LAUGHTER

GREG TAPPING RHYTHMICALLY
# Sorry, sorry, sorry

♪ I'm a naughty boy

♪ Sorry, sorry, sorry
I don't deserve a toy

♪ I need my milk, I need my milk

♪ I'm not allowed the milk today ♪

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Before the break, we saw Richard
and Daisy discover a giant spider

in the Taskmaster bath
and successfully boot it up.

Next, we are going to see Johnny and
Mawaan giving it some welly.

Where's the spider?
I'm guessing I've got to find it.

Spider, spider, spider, spider!

BOTH: Oh! MAWAAN: sh*t.
You m... Right.

Can I move the spi..? Come on, you.

I told the dole I couldn't
climb ladders and look at me now.

You can't use this footage!

Three. I'll take a shorter route.
OK.

Can you help, Alex? No.
MAWAAN LAUGHS

It's always worth asking, though,
innit?

No more than three.

JOHNNY SIGHS
I've got four wellies on.

You know the legs come off?

The legs come off.

And I swear to God, if you sent
a picture of this to my agent,

she'd put him up for
a casting partner for me.

Woo-hoo!

Do they look like my legs?
Come get me, boys!

I don't fancy this.
Stop distracting me, Alex.

Have you figured something out?
Where are you going? Out.

Are all the wellies on the spider?
Oh, God, all of them?!

Why are you letting me
make idle chitchat?

Come on, spider. Oh, oh, sh*t,
I'm missing a leg.

What? What?

Has anyone seen a leg? Oh, sh*t. OK.

So, where's this other welly, then?
Where's my other welly?!

Did I lose a welly?
sh*t, I dropped it on the way.

I didn't lose a welly!
You didn't lose a welly?

Just a leg off a giant spider.

Right, stop the clock. There we go.

I'm getting proper stressed now.
The string broke.

HE SHOUTS Damn spider!

Where have you hid your other leg?!

Oh, there it is. Sorry.

Right. Stop the clock?
Thank you, Johnny.

APPLAUSE

I have good days and bad days.

A lot of bad. And I bet
there's gonna be summat about

the welly's come unattached.

Did it break? Yeah, he shouted,
"The string broke,"

at the top of his voice. Oh, yeah.

But, Taskmaster, if it wasn't that
well attached in the first place,

should I be punished for the fact
that you're not good at knots?

OK, was it tied on well?
I suppose all I can say

is it was tied on the same
for everyone. Right, fine.

I thought Mawaan was
the consummate professional,

because he worked out
that the spider's legs came off,

which is a bit of lateral thinking.

And he stopped for a lovely cabaret
halfway through.

Well, if he'd completely stopped,
then, he would've been very fast.

But he insisted on putting them all
back on the spider.

It didn't say the spider had to
be complete at the end.

Oh, but you could've said then,
instead of now.

You wouldn't let me. Oh.

All right, finally,
it's Katherine Parkinson's turn.

Let's watch it and then find out
what everyone thinks about it.

"Put these wellies on the
spider's feet."

OK. Where's the spider?

I think that's a question you're
gonna have to answer yourself. OK.

Oh, OK. There isn't a spider.

Is that the spider? I don't...
No, it's not.

SHE LAUGHS

"Put these wellies on
THE spider's feet." Hmm.

"Put these wellies on the
spider's feet."

You OK? Yeah. Are you OK?

Yes, yes. Am I the spider?

Do you think you're the spider? No.

But I could be if that's what you
want me to be.

I'll be anything you want me to be
if it means I win.

Well, it's all up to you.
All the information's on the task.

Well, it's not, though, is it?
SHE LAUGHS

"Put these wellies on the
spider's feet." What f*cking spider?

Spider's feet... "Put these wellies
on the spider's feet."

So I can't be the spider,
because the spider would have...

eight...

Oh, my God.

Ah!

Yeah. I know exactly
what's going on.

Right. OK.

Yep.

One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight. So, that's the spider.

It feels like I'm missing something
here, but...

I feel like...

Then...

I've stopped the clock.

Have I missed something?
LAUGHTER

Is there a massive spider
out here or something?

Have I missed something?

APPLAUSE

Well... KATHERINE CHORTLES

Interesting. Mm. My instinct was
to think,

"Has the celebrated actress,
Katherine Parkinson,"

"just put a load of wellies
on some table legs?"

LAUGHTER

"Not even for a second considered
there might be a spider"

"outside of the room.
Not even for a second."

"Even though the wellies were
clearly tied to"

"lengthy pieces of cord."

"Not for a second considered that
the spider might be elsewhere"

"other than in the one room that
she's in." That was my instinct.

And then I remembered Katherine's
an artist.

ALEX LAUGHS

And maybe, and it's up for debate,
she just created a spider.

What is a spider?

A spider. Not table legs.

Well... Well, it's not a massive
stuffed toy either. Ooh.

MAWAAN: Look, a cat! It's a cat!

LAUGHTER

I don't think it was a spider.

But I do admire the thinking
and I'm going to give away

one of my golden bonus points
to Katherine.

And the others? The actual
quickest person was Daisy

with her eight minutes,
eight seconds. Great.

Johnny was the next quickest,
nine minutes, ten.

But he did snap the twine.

How many points are you giving
to Johnny Vegas?

None! Oh, my God.

And in the long run,
it's good for him!

So, just to sum up,
it's nought points to Johnny Vegas.

One point to Katherine,
three to Richard,

four to Mawaan, and the winner with
five to Daisy May Cooper.

APPLAUSE
She's running away with it.

Would you like to see the series
scoreboard, Greg? Oh, God. Would I?

We've got Katherine on ,
then it goes up to Johnny on ,

Mawaan , Richard ,

and just three ahead with
three tasks to go, Daisy at .

Whoa!
What's the score in the episode?

In the episode,
we've got joint leaders,

Daisy and Mawaan on nine points.

APPLAUSE

Hey, what have we got next?

Sadly, it's the last team task
of the series, Greg. Oh.

But it's one that, in theory,
should involve a lot of harmony.

Hello, Mawaan. Hi. Hello, Johnny.

Hi, Alex. Hello, Katherine.

Hello. Hello, Richard. Hello, Daisy.

Right, I'm the shorter one, so I'll
stand by this microphone, shall I?

Oh, my goodness. Is this karaoke?
I have a feeling it might be.

I really hope we're going to get
to sing.

Right, here we go.

"Perform this song."

"You have minutes to prepare for
your performance.

"You have minutes."
Oh, we don't need that.

"Best all-round performance wins.
Your time starts now."

I've never heard of this song.
I've not heard of it, so...

Would you like to hear it?
Yeah. Yes, please.

MUSIC PLAYS

♪ Oooh...

MAWAAN: What the hell?
KATHERINE: I don't know this song.

What's this song?

KATHERINE SINGS ALONG SOFTLY

Oh, God!

So, you're going to be blue, then?
Green together.

KATHERINE SINGS ALONG

Who wants to go high?
Oh, I'll go high.

JOHNNY SINGS ALONG

Great. Lovely. Well, seeing
it's a song about trust...

I mean, I feel the choreography
should be a lot of trust exercises.

Yeah, we could do that, yeah.

KATHERINE: I think we should get
some moves as well.

Yeah. I want to bring some, like,
sex appeal to it. Oh, my gosh.

It'll be like Sugababes.

That's a horse bridle, is it?
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's quite good.

I could ride you like a horse,
or vice versa.

Oh, my God. LAUGHTER

I mean, it's funny, though,
isn't it?

How, when a couple...

start to make sense.

Who would've thought that in just
a couple of short episodes,

we'd go from hippo-gate

to you suggesting that you put
a bridle on her.

I mean, Katherine just started doing
the task immediately

without even knowing what
the task is,

such is the power of her will
to perform.

Let's see the songs, I can't wait.

OK, well, we'll start with the
happy couple, if that's all right?

And they did take it seriously.
Daisy asked,

"Are we sure it's in / ?"
LAUGHTER

So, here we go. With some great
choreography, it's Richard and Judy.

♪ Oooh, oooh

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

BOTH: # Yeah, yeah, yeah!

♪ If you find that you trust someone
when they give you advice

♪ If you believe their expertise

♪ They don't need to tell you twice

♪ Tell that person

♪ That they're the one
who makes you feel good

♪ Tell that person

♪ That they're the one
who makes you feel good

BOTH: # Find somebody
Somebody you trust

♪ Because they're the person
that makes you feel good

♪ Find somebody
Somebody you trust

♪ Because they're the person who
makes you feel good ♪

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

RICHARD: Ended with a trust fall.

There was a trust fall.
There was perfect choreography.

Richard brilliantly reprised the
character from the bush.

LAUGHTER

Of course he did. So much range.

It's amazing. Genuinely was
brilliant.

And I know this is weird.
I've written down,

"I am inexplicably moved."

Do you know what was
lovely about it?

Is he really took charge
in this one,

and suddenly I had a respect for him
that I'd never had before or after.

For the first time.

It's almost like, through the power
of song, you made Richard a man.

Richard's voice was so muscular and
Daisy's was two octaves higher

than we thought anyone was
going to go. Yeah.

It was almost... I mean,
you almost sounded like a ghost.

LAUGHTER

For God's sake!

OK, stop! Stop! Stop what you're
doing and listen.

Someone's going to win some
awful collections soon,

and then we're going to crown
a new Taskmaster champion.

If that's not enough to get you
off the toilet

after your biscuit-driven plop,
then I don't know what is.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello! Here we are again.
It's Taskmaster, it's part three,

it's the final, and on top of that,

there was a karaoke contest
going on.

Before the break,
Richard and Daisy line-danced

a spectacular performance to
Will Collier's Somebody You Trust,

a brand-new song neither team
had heard before.

Now it's the other team's turn,
and bravely,

they attempted to sing it without
ever having listened to it

all the way through. Good luck!

MAWAAN: Ha ha!
KATHERINE: # Oooh, oooh, oooh

Let's get crazy with this one!
# Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is for all the people out there
who need someone to trust.

Speak your truth, Katherine.
# Yeah, yeah # Yeah, yeah

♪ If you find that you trust someone
# Who do you trust?

♪ Then give you advice
# The advice you're giving me

♪ If you believe their expertise

♪ They don't need to tell you twice

♪ Ain't gonna tell you twice

♪ Tell the person they're the one
# Tell the person

Sing it, Johnny!
# Who makes you feel good!

Speak your truth.
# Tell that person

♪ You're the one Yeah.

♪ They're the one who makes you
feel good

♪ They make you feel good

♪ Find somebody
Somebody you trust

♪ Trust!
# Because they're the person

♪ Who makes you feel good
HORN TOOTS

♪ Find somebody, somebody you trust

ALL: # Because they're the person
who makes you feel good

HORN TOOTS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Katherine, you should be really
proud of that.

It felt better when we were
doing it. On the day.

You know that bit on The X Factor,
in the early rounds,

when they bring out the vulnerable,
bewildered people

to sing in front of the
millionaires?

I know that bit. Yeah.

This is how I felt it went.

Individually, I thought there were
some smoking performances going on.

Katherine,
you went through a lot of genres.

And you were so genuinely into it,

that I suspect a lot of your friends
were at home rolling their eyes

because they've seen that before.

Mawaan brought a really authentic
Compton vibe to the song.

I'd never thought I'd hear the
phrase,

"You're crazy for this one"
used in a more relevant way

than in Jay-Z's seminal classic
Problems.

But it really did work in context.

"You're crazy for this one,
Katherine," it's got, like,

a ring to it, alliteration.
Yeah, yeah. It's all there.

And you know in X Factor when
they do the thing

where they're, like, split up the
group and they're like,

"Not so strong as a group, but you
could be really good solo"?

Yeah. I'm happy if you want to do
that with me.

Yeah, certainly, if I was a
record producer,

I would be aiming to split you up.

LAUGHTER
Johnny, I wrote down, was...

"simultaneously channelling
Pavarotti, Joe Cocker

"and that man that stands outside
the off-licence

"trying to fight a bin."

And you did a very good job of it.

Individually,
three incredible performances.

Bring them together, really...

HE LAUGHS

If it was food,
it would be like a dog meat trifle.

Separate them, the dog's happy...

Human's are happy with there being
cream, lovely.

Put it together... Oh.

They did call themselves
Dog Meat Trifle. Dog Meat Trifle?

If they were a band -
Dog Meat Trifle. Not a bad name.

OK, are you going to score these
teams?

GREG SIGHS
Dog Meat Trifle, how many points?

I'm going to give them
two points each.

That's not bad. That's not bad.
And what about...

Have they got a name? MAWAAN: Hippo?
LAUGHTER

Hippo Lovers - five full points
each.

Five points to Daisy,
five points to Richard!

Whoa. OK, then...

It is the last pre-recorded task
of the series, isn't it?

I'm afraid so, Greg. But don't
worry, I'm sure you'll like it,

because it is horribly violent.

RICHARD: Oh, that's a bit spooky.

I thought it was a real person
for a second.

Right...

Do I..? I was going to sit on his
lap. You can if you want. OK.

It's all yours. I just wouldn't mind
sitting down.

Oh! Right.

"Neatly hang all of Bernard's
clothes on that coat rail."

"You must stay behind the line
at all times. Fastest wins."

Wait, wait...

Without stepping over the thing?
Yes, please.

"Your time starts now."

Well, that's crazy.

Final task, Greg.
All right. Exciting times.

Not much to say before we cr*ck on
and see them.

I will just welcome back Richard's
other character -

the wacky vicar. LAUGHTER

Judging the big-fruit competition at
the harvest festival again. Crazy!

Shall we? Yes, first to hang up
Bernard's clothes are two men.

Richard and Mawaan!

RICHARD LAUGHS
Right, what have we got?

We got a chair, we've got some...
Oh, I see, so we could...

That's not going to work.

I don't... There's no hangers.

I'm just going to use his shoes
to try and...

Oh, hangers!

OK.

Oh, f*ck's sake.
They're weak hangers, man.

RICHARD STRAINS

OK.

Oh! Sorry about this, Bernard.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Oh, sh*t!

I bet no-one else is going to
think of that.

I wish I'd just taken his shoe off.

Working.

OK.

Do you hang up your pants, Mawaan?
Yeah, always. Me too.

A clean room is a clean mind.

Excuse me.

It's a little handkerchief in his
pocket. Very smart.

I'm going to run out of hangers.

I'm happy with that.
WHISTLE BLOWS

Thank you, Richard. Is there
anything you want to say to Bernard?

I apologise for any transgressions.

Also, using you as a hook.

He's a piece of sh*t, isn't he,
Bernard?

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

Thank you, Mawaan. All right.
It's lovely, isn't it?

Yeah, that's how I hang mine up.

Watching that, it didn't feel to me
that that was the first time

that Richard had thrown a lifeless
body of a man across a room.

Gut instincts. He did apologise
afterwards for using him as a hook.

It's too late, Richard,
he's dead now, isn't he?

So, Richard said,
"If I lose a shoe, I'm in trouble."

And then two seconds later he
lost a shoe. He lost a shoe.

I was in trouble.
He was in trouble, yeah.

But he still took just
eight minutes ten seconds,

which is about ten minutes.

All right. Mawaan —
Nine minutes thirty-five seconds,

which is about ten minutes.
So, it's all the same.

Both very neat boys. Very neat.

Yeah, I don't know what to say.
You both did the job perfectly well.

You even hung up his shoes. "A clean
room is a clean mind." Well done.

I wonder if it's going to go
as well as we move on.

Well, would you like to see the
good old observant Katherine?

Yes, please.

Yeah, erm...

OK.

SHE STRAINS

That was all right. OK.

OK. Let's try and be quick, Bernard,

because I'm not very good on
the speed element.

Sorry. My bosom, your head.

Actually, I don't have to be careful
with Bernard, do I? Screw Bernard.

Neatly.

Have you got children? Yes, I have.

Is this how you do it?
No. I love him a bit less.

These are on back to front.

Oh, no, he is.

Do we include the shoes in clothes?
No.

Come on, Bernard.
Sorry, Bernard.

There we are. Ooh!

Socks. Socks and shoes, neatly.

And I'd like you to
stop the clock...

..now.

Lovely.

Great. Great. Oh, my gosh!
There's hangers.

LAUGHING: There's hangers!

Oh. What a...

Well, it was quick. OK.

Bye, Bernard. Thanks.

Well, Greg.
Just a couple of questions from me.

Did you smell his pants?

I think I did, yeah. Yeah.

OK, cool.

She didn't use the hangers,
but I did think the clothes

were neatly hung up anyway,
so I think that's all good.

They were neatly hung up.
No doubt about that.

I did a brief calculation, and if
Bernard had been a real person,

Katherine would have broken
his spine five times.

Other than that, flawless.
Well, is it flawless, though?

I mean, so far in the series,
she has never left the room

when you could leave the room.
Arguably, she left the square.

Do you think she left the square?

Erm, I-I do think she left the
square. But her feet were still in.

Did it say "cross over" or
"step out"?

It said, "You may not step over
the line."

She didn't do that. She didn't.
That's the end of part three, then.

Somebody's dreams are going to come
very true soon, right here.

It's exciting, I'm excited.

Are you excited?

WHISPERING: Poor little thing.
He's worn himself out.

Sleep tight, my angel.
My beautiful lad.

Hello! Here we are, then.
The last part of the show.

Strap yourselves in and get ready to
ride the emotional roller-coaster.

Oh, I just had a lovely power nap
and I'm now raring to go.

To end the video part of this
series on a real high,

here are Daisy May Cooper
and Johnny Vegas

hanging up some clothes!

Right, I'll start with this.

SHE STRAINS

If there's any way you can help me,
Bernard...

I just pushed it further away.

Let's get you undressed.

No matter how you do it,
it looks wrong.

Come on, just hook around.

Yes!

Now you've got the rail,
but now you don't have the clothes.

Oh, f*ck...

It's going to hurt me more than it
hurts you.

His scalp...

Get your sock! Get your sock!

DAISY STRAINS

Why did you hide the hangers
under the chair?!

Trousers.

SOBBING: Oh, my God. Oh, my boy.
My beautiful boy.

You're absolutely fine. That's it.

Just sleep on the rail.

Ah, finished. WHISTLE BLOWS

OK.

Right, we're going to go
fishing for hats.

Go, go!

SHE GASPS RAPIDLY

SHE GROANS

Are you using Bernard as bait? Yes.

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes. Ah! SHE SIGHS

ALEX SIGHS

Thank you, Daisy. Thanks.
Extraordinary.

Well, I thought the wheels
might come off.

THEY LAUGH

I mean, there were some things
I expected.

Johnny initially did something,
you know, quite clever,

using his pocket watch to...
JOHNNY CHORTLES

..lasso the railing.

And yet I knew we were heading to,
"My boy, my beautiful boy."

Both of their beautiful boys ended
up with their brains smashed out.

Yeah, we had to replace one, then
immediately he smashed the next one.

Daisy's instinct, at the beginning,

was to neatly fold the clothes

by throwing them across an
eight-foot void.

OK, well, they're the worst.
I'm not sure if they are the worst.

What?! Johnny actually completed it
in six minutes fifty seconds.

DAISY GASPS Oh, my boy.

We then had Richard with
eight minutes ten,

Mawaan with
nine minutes thirty-five,

and then Daisy was slower -
minutes and nine seconds.

What was my time? Well, you were the
quickest with five minutes .

So if he's allowing...
KATHERINE GASPS NERVOUSLY

..Katherine to be within
that square, she gets five points.

Oh, please. I'm last. We know I'm
last. I am actually going to cry.

JOHHNY: Don't ask him for it. Don't.

Because it's right, because her feet
were in,

and a little bit because of the
shame I feel

for the treatment of her masks,
I'm going to allow it.

OK, so it's one point to Daisy
two to Mawaan,

three for Richard, four for Johnny,
but five for Katherine Parkinson!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
There it is.

So, er... You and me are cool now?
Apology accepted.

Quick look at the scores before,
you know... The end is nigh. Yep.

Series scores-wise, there is
just one point separating

the couple at the top of the
leaderboard.

INHALES SHARPLY Oh, my God.

And in terms of this episode,
Daisy is in the lead with points.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

All right, everyone. Please make
your way to the stage

for the final task of the series!

KATHERINE SIGHS, LAUGHTER

RICHARD: Wow. Whoa! It paid off.
It paid off big time.

Oh... Not at all constricted.
My beautiful boy.

Who's going to read it out?
Mawaan Rizwan. Yes!

Yes, sir.

"Wearing mittens at all times,
balance either all the mints

"or all the biscuits on a
spaghetti bridge."

Oh, between these... "The mints or
biscuits must only touch spaghetti.

"The spaghetti must be balanced
on the coconuts.

"The coconuts must remain on their
stands. Fastest wins."

You must wear your mittens
at all times.

You can touch the biscuits
or the mints,

whichever you choose,
as you're building your bridge,

but when your bridge is complete,

they must be only touching
the spaghetti,

and the spaghetti must only be
touching coconuts.

When you've finished, please put
your hands proudly on your hips.

Greg, are you ready? I'm so ready.

Contestants ready? Yep.

WHISTLE BLOWS
Building has commenced.

Biscuits or mints, Greg? Biscuits,
I'd go for, but what do I know?

JOHNNY GROWLS
You look really lovely.

Oh, this is genuinely exciting.

Yeah, no-one was expecting the
tactic from Vegas. Or were they?

From Vegas? What's he doing,
smashing stuff and shouting?

He's eating the grapefruit. OK.
MUFFLED SPEECH FROM JOHNNY

Sorry, he's peeling the grapefruit.

Oh, my God. It's so tense
between the two at the top.

JOHNNY: I'm creating something...
The two at the top!

I'm creating something to construct
my pasta bridge with.

Oh, my God. JOHNNY GRUNTS

Oh, my God. I...
I am actually tense.

Well, the two leaders, Greg,
have been silent throughout. I know.

I'm actually really nervous.

Except for some fairly
heavy breathing.

One's gone biscuits,
one's gone mints.

Who will be fastest? Oh, my God.

What's Richard doing?

He's making a mint necklace.

Katherine, meanwhile,
quietly, has hung up three biscuits.

Finished. No!

Hands on your hips if you're
finished, please. Richard!

f*ck. Right, right, right.
He's done this all series.

Oh! You mother... Feeling good.
Oh, come on back, come on.

KATHERINE: Daisy, I want you to win.

f*ck!

DAISY GROANS Oh, God, oh, God.

MAWAAN: I'm scared. Oh, no.
Look, she's tigered the grapefruit.

Oh, God, is she all right?
I'm scared!

Taskmaster, I'm scared. Oh, God!

Oh, dear.
She's going for glory points.

JOHNNY: Daisy, do you need some
pasta? Daisy...

OK. And we have another finisher
over there. Lovely. Oh, God.

And look. Aesthetically, it's so
pleasing. It's very pleasing.

Explore other options. Can you put
your hands on your hips, Daisy?

Daisy has finished in her own way.

I mean, she's the people's champion.

Katherine has dropped another
biscuit.

Well, there's no point me
carrying on, is th..?

Not now.

I'm calling time. WHISTLE BLOWS

That was a climax.

Come back down and we'll see how
that has affected

the series' scores.

Welcome.

The only way I could climb down
after that

was to zip my limbs back on.
Yeah, I'm not surprised.

The two winners of that task were,
of course, Mawaan and Richard.

And because Richard got five
and Mawaan got four,

the final scores in this particular
episode look like this.

Mawaan has , Richard also has !
Oooh!

ALEX EXHALES SHARPLY
A tie-break.

Just when I thought it couldn't get
any more tense.

I'm sorry to say it can, because now
they have to guess

how many green eggs are under the
Taskmaster's chair.

Wow! It's Greg's "greggs."
Greg's green eggs.

You put eggs under my chair?
There's eggs under your chair.

There's a pen and a card underneath
your chairs.

So, on your pen and paper,
I want you to write down a number.

How many green eggs do you think
are under Greg's chair?

Closest to the correct answer wins.
How many "greggs?"

Who's somebody you want to
hear first, Greg?

I want to hear Mawaan's number
first.

OK, well, I've used all the skill I
could possibly conjure up,

and I'd say eight. Eight. Eight.
I hope it's not going to be seven!

Because I put six. This is the best
task ever.

MAWAAN AND JOHNNY LAUGH

Woo-hoo!

GREG GASPS

Two green eggs.
One for me, one for Greg.

Richard Herring is the winner!
Richard wins the episode.

Please go and collect your
collections!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, wow. Those pub signs really are
good.

Oh, yeah! Look, there's money,
it's worth £ . .

These are beautiful. They're great.
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you. Oh.

Thanks very much. Well done.

Hello, for the last time.

You join us for the Taskmaster
end-of-series trophy ceremony.

It's been a different series,
but a brilliant series,

and one I shall cherish forever.

As always, I can't be bothered with
the detail,

so little Alex Horne, please can you
reveal the final series' scores?

As always, I enjoy the detail.
Here we go.

In fifth place, she's been there for
a while, she's been wonderful,

Katherine got points.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you.

I've had a really nice time.

Just above her with points,
the enigmatic Mr Johnny Vegas.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

With , Mawaan Rizwan!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And then the special moment, she was
leading for so many episodes,

going into the final task
she was leading.

She was leading as the final
biscuit fell to the floor.

But then no longer.
Daisy May Cooper - points.

Well done. Second place.
Heartbreaking.

The winner got points.

The Taskmaster series champion

is Richard Herring!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Please collect your trophy!

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