01x02 - Clone Babies/Flying Spiders

[bunniefuu]

[exciting music]

- ♪ Well, here we go up the tubes ♪

♪ Fighting crime is what we do ♪

♪ A superhero and his sidekick with a plan ♪

♪ Who's the one behind the mask ♪

♪ Who can move super fast? ♪

♪ It's Kid Danger... ♪ - And look!

- ♪ It's Captain Man! ♪

- ♪ So come along ♪ all: ♪ Come along ♪

- ♪ It's "The Adventures of Kid Danger" ♪

♪ This is the song ♪ all: ♪ This is the song ♪

- ♪ For "The Adventures of Kid Danger" ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm okay ♪

- Feels good.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[video game music, both shouting]

- Swing! Look out!

Ha-ha! Arrg!

Walk the plank!

Johnny Depp!

[cell phone buzzing] - [screams]

What th--Ahh!

- What? What?

- Ahh! My thigh is vibrating!

- Ray, it's your phone.

[cell phone buzzing] - Well, answer it!

- Yeah, you could answer it.

- Uh, why can't one of you answer it?

- 'Cause we're busy! - Super busy!

- You guys are just playing a video game.

- We're not just playing any video game.

- We're playing "Call of Booty."

You're about to lose! [video game beeping]

Arrg! Ye cut off me booty!

[dolphin squeals]

- Arrg!

Me severed booty.

[game over b*at]

- Booty dance!

A-booty A-booty! A-booty! A-booty!

A-bootay! A-bootay! A-bootay!

- D'ah! Booty too close! Booty too close!

- [laughs, sighs]

So now what do you wanna do?

- You guys could answer the Captain Man emergency hotline

that's been blinking all day.

[alarm sounding] - Oh, man!

Look how many emergency calls we've missed!

Many!

- Well, i--it's not my fault!

I'm, uh... I'm--I'm too busy!

- Ugh.

- Think about all the stuff I gotta do, you know?

I gotta--I gotta be me. I gotta be Captain Man!

I gotta play video games--

- Gotta play 'em! - Uh...

I gotta use the restroom.

And--and sometimes wash my hands.

- Eww.

- The point is, I'm only one person.

That's the problem. I--I need more mes!

- Eh... Did somebody say "clone"?

- Uh... - I did not.

- Not really.

- Why, yes!

Yes, I can clone Ray.

But first, we must get him to a bathroom.

- Why?

- Because.

To clone him, I need his PNA.

- Ugh. You mean DNA.

- No! Pee! I need your pee!

Now, let's rush to the Man Lab!

[elevator buzz]

- Come on! Hurry!

- [all scream] - How did he get behind us?

[humming theme song]

[water rushing]

- Okay.

I can't take this anymore.

Both: Ugh!

- [nervous chuckle]

I was, uh, just makin' some fresh coffee

here in the bathroom.

- But Schwoz has been waiting for your pee!

- Mm-hmm.

- Well, I haven't had anything to drink today!

I'm empty! - Ugh.

Schwoz, can't you clone Ray using something else?

- Yah, but I'll need a tissue sample.

- What does that mean?

- That I need Ray to give me some schnot.

- Gladly. [blows nose]

[squish] - Ooh!

Warm and squishy.

- So, what are you gonna do with Ray's tissue fulla goo?

- Well, first I turn the tissue into a squish sack.

- Ah. Squish sack.

- And now, I squeeze it

into this thingy,

and we shake-ah, shake-ah, shake-ah.

- And next...

[evil laughter]

- There! - There what?

What do you do next?

- Well, I could tell you

or I could show you!

Eh, I'll tell you.

See, I'm going to use all this stuff to clone this one Ray

and make four brand-new Rays for a total of five Rays!

- But wait! What if the clones--

[bottle hisses, Charlotte grunts]

- Well, come on, Schwoz!

Let's see four more Rays!

- Sure.

La cucaracha!

[grunts]

[electricity buzzes] - Ahh!

- Here we go! [evil laughter]

- [screaming]

[expl*si*n]

[all coughing]

- Not good.

- Ray? [coughing]

Are you all right?

- [coughing] Yeah.

But where are my clones?

- Uh... I think they're over there.

[babies cooing]

- Wh--what the nut are those?

- Clones!

They are exactly like you!

[babies cooing and squealing]

See? Look at them!

[blowing bubbles]

[bubbles pop, electrical humming]

[babies squealing]

- But they're babies.

- Well, duh.

when you clone a grown-up,

the clone begins life as a little beh-beh.

[babies cooing] - Ah.

That new clone baby smell.

- Uh, wh--the point is, Ray wanted more hims

to help him do things.

- And babies can't do anything!

- Not true.

Beh-behs can cry and scream

and they can vomit on your friends

and do terrible things to diapers.

- [screams]

[all scream] - [gasp]

The babies are gone!

- Quick! Search everywhere!

[all panting]

- Where the heck are the clone babies?

- Uh... Ooh! There!

Stuck in the Auto-Snacker!

[baby squealing]

- Aww! - Adorable!

- Ooh!

There's one playin' "Call of Booty."

- Arg! Booty!

- Ooh!

Another beh-beh! Up there!

[baby giggling]

- Oh my gosh! Is that safe?

- Oh, please, Charlotte. Calm down.

- Yeah!

I mean, look, Charlotte.

You don't see me freakin' out

just 'cause that baby over there's

playin' with Ray's proton p*stol.

- Pew pew!

[proton p*stol charging, Ray screams]

[lasers f*ring, all screaming]

- Good grief!

- He's gonna blast us all!

[laser powering down] - Aww.

- Ha! Who's outta battery power?

I think you are.

- [giggles]

[cartridges click, proton p*stol charging]

[lasers f*ring]

- Pew! Pew! Pew! - Ahh! Guys!

What're we gonna do?

- Hey! The other babies!

- What about the other babies?

- They're... [grunts] clones of Ray!

So that means the b-- [grunts]

the babies are indestructible!

- Ah. Everyone!

Grab a baby and use it as a shield!

[all grunting]

all: Baby? Baby?

- Baby? Baby?

- I'm okay.

I'm okay!

- Baby? Baby? [grunts] - I'm okay!

- I'm okay! [grunts]

- Ray! Give me your beh-beh!

- No!

You never wash your hands!

[laser strikes] - [yelps]

- [coos, burps]

[snoring]

- [chuckles] He didn't even hit one of us.

- Uh, my elbow?

- Mm. - Ooh, yikes.

- Smells like meat.

- Phew! Well,

at least now we know where all four babies are.

[elevator buzzes]

- [gasps] The elevator!

- [giggles] Bye-bye!

[screaming]

[elevator closes, all crash]

- Ah, great! He escaped!

- Well, we've gotta get him back!

- Wait!

One, two...

where's the third--

- [gasps] The tubes!

[giggling]

- [gasps] Baby, no!

- Charlotte, relax.

- [chuckles] Yeah.

You know the tubes are voice-activated.

- [chuckles] They don't just randomly suck people up.

- Right. So the baby's totally safe

unless somebody says "up the tube!"

[computer chirping, baby giggling]

[tube thunks, baby screams]

[all scream] - Ah, who said it?

- Oh no!

How do we know where-- [screams]

[both laughing] - The diaper!

Oh, I hope it's filthy.

- [spitting] - Ugh. What's her problem?

- Oh, I'll tell ya my problems! Number one--

- Up the tube.

[tube thunks] - Wait!

I don't wanna go up the tube! [screams]

- What'd you do that for?

- Two great reasons.

One: I hate lists.

And B: Now that Charlotte's up there in the tubes,

I guarantee you she'll find that missing clone baby.

[baby giggling] - Baby!

Baby, come back!

[clicks handcuffs]

- [scoffs] Off! Off!

- There!

At least those two babies can't get away now!

[handcuffs clank]

- Well, that's good.

But what about the other--

[bell dings] - Ahh! The elevator!

[elevator opens]

- The beh-beh came back!

- And he brought bags...

filled with Chinese food.

[babies slurping]

- So he wasn't trying to escape.

- He just wanted some Chinese food.

And bags. [tube beeps]

- It's the tubes!

- Oh. [sniffles]

- Ugh. Now what's her problem?

- I--I couldn't find the baby that went...

up the tube!

[tube thunks] - No, no, no, no, no!

I didn't mean to--

Down the tube!

[tube thunks, crying]

both: Aww! - Oh, geez.

- Here, sweetheart. Dry those eyes.

- [sniffles Thank you.

- Wh--what? This is the diaper!

- Look, Char.

I know you're upset so,

I think we all should just eat some Chinese food.

- Yes, I'm on board. - Yah! Let's eat.

- We can't eat while a baby's missing!

- Eee-yah!

- Well, that got resolved.

- Yeah, but...

what are we gonna do with all these clone babies?

- I've got an idea.

[theme music]

- I did not expect him to say rocket ship.

[babies cooing]

- There. Look at Schwoz's rocket.

All four babies inside.

Go, Schwoz.

- [grunts] [both gasp]

- And... blaschtoff!

[rocket ignites]

[wind roars, all gasp]

[rocket whooshes]

- So, where'd you send the babies?

- To the planet Krooton.

- And who lives on the planet Krooton?

- Nobody.

- No peoples.

- No peoples, yet.

But when those four babies get to Krooton,

they'll live there and grow up, have children,

and then their children will have children...

and so on.

And then some day,

that entire planet

will become a new civilization.

- Ugh.

You need boys and girls to start a new civilization.

- [sighs] Uh... w--yeah, okay.

- Aww. Those poor baby boys

on a deserted planet... all alone.

All: Aww.

[babies squealing]

- Ooh. Boys!

[evil laughter]

[babies repulsed]

[theme music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs] Okay.

If you multiply the hypotenuse of a perpendicular proton,

divided by the Revolutionary w*r,

plus Putin--

- Henry! [panting] Henry!

- We have a thr*at!

I saw the emergency light blinking in my shower!

- You're so wet.

- Oh, right.

Here. [grunting] - [panting]

Aww.

You dampened my homework!

Ahh! - Look!

[alarm buzzing]

- Ooh! The thr*at hotline!

- Yep. It's us time.

- Okay. Let's chew some gum,

do a semi-simultaneous cartwheel,

blow a bubble and check that thr*at.

- My exact thought.

[lids pop]

[both chewing]

[bubbles inflating]

[bubbles pop]

both: Boop.

- You have one thr*at from...

[camera beeps] - Daddy Longlegs.

- Hello.

- This is Captain Man and Kid Danger

- Please state your thr*at.

- Oh, I will state it. But first....

I'm going to show you my special device.

Both: Oh, uh... You know, uh... We uh...

We should just keep this professional.

- [chuckles] It's a spider b*mb!

Filled with these...

[spider grunts]

- Oh, man! - It's a spider!

- Not just a spider!

A new, mutant breed of spider

which flies! [spider buzzing]

[both gasp] [spider hums]

- Oh, hey hey hey. Whoa. Don't like that.

- Oh! No no, I don't need to see that.

- And when my spider b*mb goes a-boom,

it will unleash millions of flying spiders

all over the Swellview!

- Why? - Yeah, w-why?

- Wh--why?

So they will bite people and inject them

with the flying spider venom!

- Oh. - A-and then

what'll-- what'll that do to the people?

- Yeah, w-why would you do that?

- Well, it--I don't know!

This is my first crime!

And it all begins in just... [b*mb beeps]

- Three minutes! [laughs maniacally]

- Hours.

- [stops laughing] What?

- Look at your panel. - You set it to three hours.

- No, I didn't--Hours?

Gosh dunkit! Well, it doesn't matter!

Because you don't know where I am

and you will never find me!

- Um... Well, that sign behind you says "Swellview Sewer."

- Yeah, "section -C."

- [stammering]

[static whines]

- Come on! We gotta go. Let's take the Man-Copter!

- [chuckles] Dude, what's the rush?

- That guy has a flying spider b*mb!

- Yeah, which isn't gonna go off for three hours.

- Well, I still think we should leave now.

- Ah, fine.

But we gotta stop at Pink Box on the way

so I can return this DVD. - [scoffs]

Who still rents DVDs?

You're so old.

- I'm not old!

[tube thunks] - Up the tube!

[chuckles] You're old.

- I'm not old!

[tubes thunk]

[theme music playing]

♪ ♪

[tubes thunk]

- Hey, listen.

I, like, really really really

really wanna fly the Man-Copter.

- Well, maybe if y-- - What th--

- [gasps] Schwoz!

- Wh--what'd you do to the Man-Copter?

- I lost a quarter inside of it and I couldn't find it,

so I had to take it apart to find my quarter.

- Like this one?

- Ahh, there she is! Ah.

You stay right in between there.

- Well, great!

Now we can't take the Man-Copter!

But... [murmurs]

- What? What? What?

- Henry, get ready to see what just might be the coolest,

most fantastical invention Schwoz has ever created!

- [moaning]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic drum b*at]

♪ ♪

[gasps]

- Look at that.

- Oh, it gives me the goosies.

♪ ♪

- What? There's nothing there.

- Oh, isn't there?

Okay, where is it?

Wh--where--Oh! Here it is, here it is! Here it is!

- There what is?

- [grunts]

This! Hee-ya!

[kickstarts, revs motorcycle engine]

- Wh-h-h-hoa! Is that--

Is that an invisible motorcycle?

- What? I can't hear you over my invisible motorcycle!

[revs engine]

- Doesn't that look fun?

- Yeah! [laughs]

So... where's the other one?

- Huh? - Say what?

- Where's the other invisible motorcycle?

You know, the one for me to ride?

- Uh...

- Ahh.

- ♪ Well, I'm a manly man ♪

♪ And I live to ride ♪ [revs motorcycle]

- Whoo!

- ♪ But it's hard to be cool ♪

♪ If your car is on the side! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Makes you wanna hide ♪

- Come on, Kid.

you look super cool in that invisible side car.

- No, I don't!

[car screeches]

- Ha! Look, guys!

It's Captain Man and Kid Lame-ger!

[laughter]

How'd you like that twist on his name?

[all laughing]

- We're teens.

- Will you tell 'em to quit laughing?

- Kid, if you didn't want 'em to laugh,

you shouldn't have sat in the side car.

- Hey!

Since you're sitting in a side car,

why don't you eat this side salad?

[all laughing]

- To the planetarium! [car screeches]

- We're teens!

- [gasps] Aww, my side salad.

[mouse squeaks]

[hawk screeches]

[engine running]

- [grunts] Here I go.

- ♪ Ridin' on the side! ♪

[engine dies]

- Okay. Gimme the DVD.

- Dude.

I really think that first, we should go back to the sewer,

find that spider b*mb, and disconnect it.

- Kid, we got two and a half hours to do that.

Now where's my DVD? I gotta return it.

Thanks! Back in a poof!

- Wait, why can't I come with you?

- Uh, 'cause somebody's gotta stay here

and watch the invisible motorcycle.

- Wait!

How can I watch an invisb-- Ah, he's gone.

- [groans, thuds]

[truck beeping] - Huh?

[truck beeping]

[groans] Uh... Hey.

Hey! Hey!

Dude! Hey!

[truck stops] What?

- This parking space is taken.

- I don't see no vehicle in it.

- Well, there's an invisible motorcycle right here, okay?

I'm sitting in it.

I don't see no invisible motorcycle.

- Yeah, you can't see an invisible motorcycle!

[engine starts] I'm backin' up.

[truck beeping] Yep, yep, yep.

- No, don't! Stop. - Yep. I'm doin' it.

- [screaming]

- [grunts]

- Ya see?

Ya see what you did?

- No.

I gotta deliver the fishes to Sushi Dushi.

[water splashes] - No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

[screaming]

[mutters indistinctly, spits]

- Delivered.

[engine starts]

To the planetarium!

- [flapping]

[spits water]

- [sighs]

- Hello.

- Hey.

- I'm George Turtel.

- Okay. - Do you like books?

- Uh...

- I have this book:

Willie Potter and the Wizard Factory

- Mm, you talk so slow.

- Chapter one...

Once upon a time,

there was a very special boy named Willie...

- Uh... no, look, sir I-I don't want you to read it to me.

See, my friend's gonna be back in a second, so--

- One morning, he woke up...

- Stop it.

- And realized that he had

a strange birth mark...

- Don't tell me where it is.

- On his left butt cheek.

- He told me.

- chapters later...

- So all the people assumed he was dead.

And as it turned out, they were right.

- Well, umm, off to the planetarium.

- [grunts] Ah, geez!

That took two hours!

- Kid Danger! - Hmm?

- Hey, Kid!

- Captain Man? Where have you been?

- Oh, I stopped and bought all kinds of cool stuff!

- Can we please go disconnect the spider b*mb now?

- We have two hours to do that.

- No!

Not anymore! Look!

Time's almost up!

[beeping]

- Will you relax?

I'm sure we still have plenty of time

to stop the spider b*mb before it--

[both gasp, ground rumbles]

[beeping]

[expl*si*n]

- Oh no!

- Ahh! The flying spiders!

[pedestrians screaming, spiders swarming]

[man screams]

- Spiders!

- Ahh! Not groovy!

- Get away from me, spider!

- Ahh! - Everybody, run!

[all screaming]

- Help me, Willie Potter!

- Ooh.

This is not good.

- "Not good"?

The flying spiders are biting everybody!

[all screaming ouch]

- Wait!

[screaming stops] - [moans]

- I think the spider venom... - I like this.

- I think it's making everyone...

happy. - Oh.

- Oh. Cool.

[soothing music] - Oh, yeah!

- Wh-- - Wow.

That is wild, wild stuff.

- I know.

Who knew that flying spider venom

could make people feel good?

[all moaning]

- Hey, Kid Danger, you wanna go get some tacos?

- I can't. A guy in a truck squished my side car.

- Well, then... Just hop on the back!

- Cool!

- Yeah! [kickstarts motorcycle]

- Yeah! Let's hit the road!

- Kid, where we're going, we don't need roads.

- Why not? Where are we going?

- I was thinkin' El Taco Guapo.

- Well, we need roads to go there.

- To the roads!

- The roads! Whoo!

[motorcycle revs] - Whoa!

- [groans, thud]

Pavement, my old friend.

- These are good times.

- Wait! Captain Man!

I fell off the bike!

Wait! [spider hums]