04x14 - Mary, He's Married

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

How is your homework

coming, Nicholas?

Oh, I'm not doin' homework.

I'm writin'

a letter to Louise.

But it's not

a love letter or nothin'.

Oh, but I thought that you

and Louise were, uh, you know--

Yeah, well,

we're just friends now.

Oh. Well, you're probably

better off.

I mean, these long-distance

relationships can be very tough.

Yeah, that's what she said.

She said that? My goodness!

She must be very sophisticated.

Sophisticated?

Uh, yes.

That m-means, uh

grown-up. Very grown-up.

Oh.

You know, I thought

we can work things out

but she says

we should see other people.

Oh, that is tough.

'Did she give you a reason?'

I think it's because

of her new boyfriend.

Well, then why are you

writing her a letter?

To tell her

about my new girlfriend.

I didn't know

you had a new girlfriend.

- I don't.

- Oh.

Oh, I see.

But you want her

to think that you do.

- Right?

- Right.

That's what's

so sophisticated about me.

[theme music]

♪ There's a magic

in the early morning ♪

♪ We've found ♪

♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪

♪ On everything around ♪

♪ It's a portrait

of the happiness ♪

♪ That we feel ♪

♪ And always will ♪

♪ For eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives ♪

♪ With love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days ♪

♪ Like bright and shiny ♪

♪ New dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪

♪ By the changing times ♪

♪ There's a plate

of homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪

♪ And eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives ♪

♪ With love ♪♪

(Elizabeth)

'Wrong. This is Wednesday.'

'I dry. You wash.'

No, I don't. On Wednesday's,

you wash, I dry.

And this is where

I go to the library.

I suggest you two

check the schedule.

- Good idea.

- Okay. I'll show you.

I'm right.

- You are not.

- Alright, look!

Wednesday, "Joannie cooks.

Tommy sets, Elizabeth clears

and Nancy dries."

Oh, wait a minute,

you said Elizabeth clears.

If I clear, well,

then who washes?

(both)

Mary!

(Abby)

'Joannie, you've only been

with this station a short time.'

You should have

a little patience.

But I know I'm ready!

It's just a matter

of convincing Mr. Trout.

Sh-sh-sh!

But Mr. Trout has been

with the station a long time.

He may be right.

You may not

be experienced enough.

Yeah. Abby has a good point.

Mr. Trout's been

in the business a long time.

Oh, dad, it's not

like I'm asking him

to anchor

the o'clock news, you know.

I'd just like

to produce and direct

a little feature report

for his talk show.

Hey, do you mind?

I didn't know

your station had a talk show.

Yeah, it's a, a forum

for local issues, you know.

Profiles of

interesting personalities.

Mm. Sounds like a good show.

How come I've never seen it?

Follows the sunrise

farm report.

Which is exactly the point!

Nobody watches

at that time anyway.

Argh!

It sounds like

what you've gotta do

is come up with an idea

that he can't resist.

Yeah, that's good advice.

Preferably something

you know about.

Any suggestions?

Yeah, make sure it's not

about keeping your voice down.

Thanks.

Do you realize

Mary spent every night

at the library

for the past two weeks?

- I know it.

- Yeah.

Well, I mean,

she never goes out anymore.

When was the last time

you saw her with a guy?

Hm. I know she had

a date for her senior prom.

It isn't funny, Elizabeth.

I really

feel sorry for her.

Okay, so do I,

but it's her own choice.

School is where

her head's at.

Yeah, well,

it's not very healthy.

I mean, everybody needs

a social life of some kind.

Hm.

I say we fix her up.

Oh, she'll never go for it.

Well, we fix her up first,

then we tell her about it later.

[chuckles]

She'll still never go for it.

Timing, Elizabeth.

It's all in the timing.

With Mary, you have to pick

the most vulnerable time

of the day.

The time when she'll say yes

to anything.

- This is really cruel.

- It's the only way.

Mare? We gotta

ask you somethin'.

Can't it wait?

Oh, it'll only

take a second.

Do you want Steve to pick you up

at : or ?

Mm, I don't know. Um..

... o'clock, I guess.

Good.

Steve?

Steve Aldenheimer.

I don't know

any Steve Aldenheimer.

- Uh, better make it :.

- Right.

More time to get

to know each other.

What's going on?

You are on a date.

- What?

- Just listen, okay?

He's gorgeous,

smart and sensitive.

Almost brooding.

And you know

how you love brooding.

Plus, he knows

a lot about medicine.

Oh, he's a doctor?

Well, no,

but he's been sick a lot.

Elizabeth, I do not

go out with guys I don't know.

So just forget it.

- Just..

- Forget it.

No, I won't forget it.

Mary needs a social life.

But she'll never go

along with it.

Of course, she won't.

That's why we're not

gonna tell her.

Once he shows up,

she'll be trapped.

- I don't know.

- Just trust me.

- Joannie. Hi.

- Oh, dad.

Getting ready

for the big pitch?

Yes, I've got three

good subjects to show him.

I hope he likes one of them.

- I'll keep my fingers crossed.

- Thanks.

Hi there. I'm Jim Fencer.

Guaca Dew.

Hi. Tom Bradford.

Guaca Dew to you.

Uh, no, no, you see

I'm delivering Guaca Dew

skin care products.

Oh, oh! For a minute

I thought that you..

- We don't need any.

- Oh, why?

No, we have

very good skin around here.

Soft and creamy.

Thank you. Sorry.

You ordered jars

of under eye concentrate.

Under eye concentrate?

Oh, it's remarkably effective.

I use it myself.

Huh. Made from avocado pits.

Yeah, well,

it sounds very nice, but--

Uh, uh, uh, scrunch up.

- I beg your pardon?

- Scrunch up like this.

Oh! Huh?

See? No lines.

Before I started

using Guaca Dew

I looked like the underside

of a steel belted radial.

Well, there is quite

an improvement, but--

It's here! The Guaca Dew!

It's here!

Nicholas, so you're the one

that ordered this.

I'm gonna be rich, dad!

Well, I guess

that clears up the mystery.

[laughing]

Right, Tom?

Don't worry, dad!

We don't have to lay out

a nickel for two weeks!

All I gotta do is sell

one case of this stuff

and the rest is mine!

I don't know, Nicholas.

It'll be a great

learning experience.

Yeah, probably for me.

Okay, you win.

But remember, if it doesn't

sell, you're on your own.

Not one penny from me.

(Joannie)

'Why don't you just admit it?'

'It's not the stories

you don't like.'

It's the idea

of my doing the stories.

Joannie, you're trying

my patience.

- Well?

- I've heard your ideas.

They weren't bad.

They weren't great either,

they were just okay.

But even if you did come up

with something earth shattering

I'd probably wouldn't let you do

it anyway because you're just..

(both)

Not ready!

When will I be?

[sighing]

I can't answer that.

You've only been

in this business a short time.

- Everybody has to pay his dues.

- Why?

Because that's how you learn.

Look, you're doing

a terrific job

and you're going

to get your chance.

But not now!

[sighs]

[doorbell rings]

Hi, I'm Steve Aldenheimer.

[coughs]

Is Mary home?

Yeah, sure, come on in.

Thanks.

[coughing]

Boy, sounds like you

got yourself bit of a cold.

[laughing]

Well, it's not really a cold.

I've diagnosed it

as bronchiectasis.

Bro-bronchi, what?

Oh, it's an abnormal dilation

of the bronchial tubes

in which, uh, mucoid secretions

collect causing inflammatory

changes in the bronchial walls.

- I'll go get Mary.

- Yeah.

[coughs]

But I don't think

he's right, dad.

I don't think everybody needs

to spend years

paying their dues.

Oh, I couldn't agree

with you more

but did he really say that,

that it would take years?

No.

But it doesn't matter

if it's tomorrow

or if it's ten years

from tomorrow.

The point is,

I can do it now!

Alright then, you do it!

But how?

Joannie, I was in a similar

position as you many years ago.

I was the copy boy.

I was dying to be a reporter.

What did you do?

Well, I went out

and dug up my own story.

I researched it,

wrote it, turned it in.

'And eventually,

it got me my own b*at.'

Oh, that's great!

I don't know.

Television's so different.

I mean, you didn't have to worry

about getting

your story on film.

I don't know

a thing about photography.

Well, then you find

someone who does.

The point is,

there's always a way

if you want something

badly enough.

Oh, gee, look at the time.

I better get going

if I'm gonna go to that movie.

[sighs]

I'm sure

she'll be down any second.

Yeah. Yeah.

Mary?

You're right, dad.

Nothing ventured,

nothing gained.

Exactly. Just use

your imagination

and put

your perseverance to work.

- Hi, dad.

- Oh.

- Come here.

- What?

Mary, I want you to meet

Steve Aldeheimer.

Oh, hi, Steve.

How you doing?

Oh, well, to tell you the truth,

Mary, not too well.

Uh, you'll have

to excuse me.

I have a very important

neurology class to go to.

- Bye-bye.

- Mary!

- Mary? Oh.

- Bye, Nancy.

[laughing]

I'm tellin' you,

I've had it all!

Rhinitis. Sinusitis.

Tonsillitis. Adenoiditis.

- Pharyngitis and--

- Never laryngitis, huh?

[laugh]

No. I missed that one.

- Hm.

- Too bad.

But I do have a migraine.

I think it's the air in here.

Air can be very debilitating,

you know?

Steve, don't you think

you might be better off in bed?

Uh, you know, I mean,

with the migraine and all.

That's okay.

I've learned

to live with pain.

You know, it's probably not

what's been goin' around anyway.

[laughs]

What's been going around?

Uh, oh, I wouldn't worry

about it..

'...really.'

Uh, tell me anyway.

Lock jaw.

'The symptoms

usually include a headache.'

'That's why I mentioned it.'

Well, uh, um, I did

cut myself shaving yesterday.

Oh, really?

How old was the blade?

Well, almost..

Gee, I don't know.

Steve, it's probably nothing.

Yeah, but what if it's not?

[nervous laughter]

Maybe I should be in bed.

Maybe so. You know, it's better

to be safe than sorry.

Uh, yeah, but I'm sure

by morning you'll be just fine.

[laughs]

Thanks for your concern,

Elizabeth, but, uh..

...I'm never fine.

[chuckling]

Boy, they don't make movies

like that anymore.

Sure and for good reason.

It was the worst movie

I've ever seen!

Oh, you said that last week.

It was last week.

I'm older now.

Much wiser

in these matters now.

Hey, you guys, isn't that Mary

right over there?

(Tom)

'Oh, yeah.'

'But I thought

she had class tonight.'

(David)

'Hmm. Some class.'

I wonder who he is.

Well, it sure looks

like Pete Berkus.

- You know him?

- Well, yeah.

I think he's a doctor.

'He brings his kids

to the day care centre.'

- Kids?

- You mean he's married?

Well, I thought so.

Oh, I'm sure

there's some explanation.

Yeah, he's probably divorced.

I hope.

[instrumental music]

Morning, Nicholas.

You ready for some breakfast?

No, I'm just gonna have

some coffee. I'm running late.

Oh, well.

I guess your schedule

is pretty hectic

what with the, uh, Guaca Dew

business on top of school?

- Yeah.

- Mm-hm.

- It's tough.

- Cream?

- Yeah, thanks.

- Mm-hmm.

What? Business is not

so good or what?

It stinks.

Nobody, but the family

wants to buy.

And they only do it

'cause they have to.

Well, maybe it's your approach.

What do you say

when you ring the doorbell?

I don't know,

something like

"Hi, I'm Nicholas Bradford

and I'm selling Guaca Dew."

And then when they ask me

what it does, I say

"It gets rid of

all your ugly wrinkles."

- Are you okay?

- Hmm.

Um..

Nicholas, I think

I've discovered

what your problem is.

What you need is a little tact.

Oh, they didn't give me

any of that, just the cream.

(Abby)

'Yeah, well, uh,

n-no, see Nicholas'

'what you gotta do is,

is tell the customer'

what she wants to hear.

Pay them compliments.

It's very hard

for a woman to say no

when-when she's just been told

that how pretty her dress is

'or how nice her hair looks.'

- Really?

- Yeah.

Oh, yes, and there's, there's

one other thing you can try.

You-you can ask them

if their mother's home.

Why?

Because it makes

them feel young.

Oh, gee, thanks, Abby.

Sure, anytime.

Aren't you gonna

finish your coffee?

Uh, no, it was, uh..

...it was a little weak

this morning.

Right. I-I-I think

it's weak myself. Hm.

- Mary?

- Come in, dad.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Uh, Abby and I

went to a movie last night.

Was it good?

Oh...well, I don't know

there was some

disagreement about that--

Oh, okay.

Concerned father's voice,

I'd recognize it anywhere.

What's the matter?

Well, look, I don't

wanna interfere.

- You're an adult now--

- Dad. Give.

Well, it-it's just that you said

that you had a class last night.

I did.

But I saw you with your date.

My what?

Look, it-it's your life

and I want you

to live it the way

you see it fit

but I feel that

I should warn you

of the dangers of seeing

a divorced man with kids.

Oh, you-you mean Pete?

Susan must have recognized him.

Dad, Pete's not divorced,

he's married.

- Married?

- Yes. And it wasn't a date.

Well, not in that sense

of the word.

Oh!

Well, then,

in what sense was it? I..

Alright, look.

Pete is a resident

of the hospital, okay?

Now, we happen

to be friends. Good friends.

My class let out early

and he was leaving

so we grabbed

a cup of coffee together.

Yeah, but I mean,

you seemed to touch a lot and..

Come on, this is ridiculous.

Look,

Pete is a demonstrative guy.

He's not afraid to show

his emotions to a friend.

I respect him for that.

Matter of fact,

that's one of the reasons

I like him so much.

But that's all.

I just like him.

- You feel better?

- I feel foolish.

For not having enough confidence

in you to trust your judgement.

So trust.

I'm a very bright girl.

And a very late one.

Gotta run. Bye.

[sighs]

Oh, dad!

Dad, guess what?

I'm doing a story,

on my own that is.

Oh, that's wonderful, Joannie.

What's the subject matter?

You. Oh!

- No, not now, Marty.

- Not now, Marty.

- Who is Marty?

- 'Marty's my camera man.'

Uh, he works in the mailroom,

but he wants to be a cameraman.

Oh, yes. But what's this

all about? And why me?

Well, I'm just

taking your advice, dad.

You said to pick

an interesting subject

that I know about

and do the story myself.

You are perfect.

Oh, well, that's

very flattering, but..

Yeah, see I thought

I would call it

"Tom Bradford,

A Man And His Family."

- What do you think?

- Hm. Does have a nice ring.

Yeah, see I thought

I'd sh**t it all here, you know

in the house, cinema verite.

You know a real live recording

of how a famous columnist deals

with the everyday problems

of career and family.

Yeah, but-but there's the rest

of the family to consider.

I mean, they have

their rights to privacy too.

I mean, what with

cameras popping up

when they least expect it.

Oh, dad,

don't turn me down now, please.

It's my chance

to prove myself to Mr. Trout.

'And I'll fill the rest of the

family in on it. I promise.'

Well, alright, but just

don't let it get out of hand.

It won't, and I wont

embarrass anybody.

I'll be very judicious

about when I tell Marty

to roll camera.

Not now, Marty.

Make him stop.

I'll have some of that, please.

Uh-uh-uh. Big mistake.

Why? What's the matter with it?

The meat surprise

with the all-purpose gravy

is never good on Thursdays.

When you've been in this

business as long as I have

you get to know things

like that.

Nothing. Thank you.

- To good friends.

- To good friends.

I feel like I'm doing

a beer commercial.

Um, wish I had a beer.

Unfortunately, I've got two

tonsillectomies this afternoon.

You really love it,

don't you?

Keeps me off the street.

Oh, by the way,

thanks for helping me

with my neurology class.

You know, most residents

won't give medical students

the time of day.

Not unless they have to.

I'm really glad

you're different.

I guess I just

remember how tough

it was for me

to get through.

Oh, also thank you for the cup

of coffee last night.

I had a good time.

You won't believe this.

I'm embarrassed to say this.

My father saw us and, uh

he thinks

we're having a thing.

You're kidding.

My, uh, father does

tend to overreact a little.

Come on, Joannie,

you know how hard

it is to concentrate

when you write.

Don't worry, dad.

Marty and I will

be so quiet, I promise.

Oh, not now, please.

It's important that I get

this column out today.

Well, good, that means

it's the perfect time

to show you in action, right?

Oh, you won't even

know we're here, really.

- Oh. Well..

- Oh, good!

And you needn't worry about

the rest of the family either.

I've filled them all in

about Marty.

[screaming]

Oh. Except Nancy.

Get out of here.

Oh!

(Joannie)

'Oh! This will be great!

This will be great.'

You're gonna love it, Marty.

My family will

be right down here, both sides.

Dad will be here.

Make it just wide enough.

- Okay, where do you want me?

- Um, right. Right, right.

Over Abby's left shoulder.

That's good, yeah.

And when she turns over there,

you'll see a little--

I hope this works better than

it did with your dad earlier.

Oh, it's gonna be great.

My family's real animated

at the dinner table.

Yeah, you said your dad

was animated

at the typewriter too.

All he did was sit there

and stare at a blank page.

Well, maybe he doesn't work

so well with people

lookin' over his shoulder,

you know.

Yeah, I'll say.

I thought he was in a coma.

Well, at least,

we got something on film.

I mean, he eventually

started working.

The quick brown fox

jumped over the lazy dog

is not exactly my idea

of breakthrough journalism.

Well, it doesn't

really matter, Marty.

We're not gonna

show the paper anyway.

Well, sport,

how goes the Guaca Crud?

It's Guaca Dew

and it's goin' great.

Well, if you ask me, I think

the whole thing's a big rip-off.

Yeah, well, if you ask me,

I think you ought to try it.

Why? I don't have

any lines under my eyes.

Who's talkin' about lines?

I'm talkin' about craters!

[muttering]

Mary. What are you

still doing here?

Oh, hey.

I'm.. I was just leaving.

Just brushing up on my

endocrine glands in the library.

[chuckling]

You spend much

more time in that place

they're gonna dedicate

a chair to you.

Yeah, well, I have old man

Stead Wells' class tomorrow

and he takes

his glands very seriously.

What are you doing back here?

I'm just checking

up on a patient.

She had

a pretty rough day today.

- Is it serious?

- No, I don't think so.

But it helps me sleep better.

You wanna tag along?

- Do you mean it?

- Sure.

Just don't bring

your books, okay?

Kind of makes

the patients nervous.

'Well, everything looks fine.'

'How does my favorite patient

feel tonight?'

Oh, not so good, doctor.

That doesn't surprise me.

It says here that you hardly

touched your dinner.

- I know.

- You gotta eat, Mrs. Perry.

Yeah, but the food

here is terrible.

Sounds like they're serving

the meat surprise again.

Oh, I don't know what it was.

I just can't eat

that food, doctor.

[sighs]

Well, I can't say

as I blame you.

But you gotta keep

your strength up, Mrs. Perry.

[sighing]

'Guess there's only

one solution.'

Huh? What?

Arnie's Deli up the street.

How do you feel

about their chicken soup?

With noodles?

But if you say one word

about this, young lady..

Scout's honor, Dr. Berkus.

Be back in minutes.

I'll wait.

[whirring]

Oh, will somebody

say something?

- Oh.

- Anything?

Would you please

pass the salt, Elizabeth?

Sure, dad.

- Thank you, Elizabeth.

- 'You're welcome, dad.'

No, dad, Elizabeth's..

Uh, keep rolling, Marty.

Don't look in the camera, okay?

And, dad, loosen up

a little bit.

Would you please pass

the salt, Elizabeth?

Sure, dad.

- Thank you, Elizabeth.

- 'You're welcome, dad.'

Oh, this is ridiculous. Cut!

Come on, this is not working.

[indistinct chatter]

You were terrific in there.

I think Mrs. Perry

is secretly in love with you.

- You do, do you?

- Hm.

You make it look so easy.

Dealing with patients, I mean.

Something you certainly

don't learn in books.

You are observant, Ms. Bradford.

Would you care to know

my secret?

Sure.

- It's gonna cost you.

- How much?

For the price of

one cup of coffee.

[chuckles]

It's a deal.

Good. My car

is right over here.

Thanks for letting me

go with you tonight.

It was really special,

I mean that.

You're welcome.

You're a special person.

It's really funny,

my father being concerned

about you and me.

Why is it so hard

for people to believe

that platonic relationships

can exist between men and women.

I don't know.

Society's just

conditioned that way I suppose.

I suppose.

But I'm glad

you're my friend. Very glad.

Me too.

This is your car, right?

Oh, yeah.

Nicholas, I don't mind

helping you out

but isn't this a little far?

It'll be worth it,

you'll see.

This is where

all the riches live.

They got money

for things like wrinkles.

Go get 'em, k*ller.

[doorbell rings]

Hi, I'm Nicholas Bradford.

That's a very pretty..

Say, your hair is very..

Well, get on with it, young man.

What can I do for you?

Is your mother home?

Mom.

[instrumental music]

Yes. Oh, hold on a minute.

Hi, Susan.

Hi, dad. Is Joannie around?

She wants to use me

in her documentary.

You're in luck.

She's in the kitchen.

May I ask who's calling?

Oh, yeah, hold on.

Mary, telephone for you.

It's Pete.

- Hi, Mr. Bradford.

- Not now, Marty, please.

Hello.

Sure. Half an hour.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Dr. Berkus' first name

is Pete, right?

Yeah. So?

So what's he doing

calling on a Saturday?

I mean, you'd think

that a married man

would have more to do

with himself on a weekend

than call medical students.

Probably it's something

to do with the hospital.

What's the big deal anyway?

They're just friends, remember?

Strictly platonic.

Maybe so, but it seems

strange, that's all.

Mary knows what she's doing.

I thought you said

Joannie was in here.

She was just a minute ago

and Marty just..

[whirring]

- Not now?

- Not now!

Come on, Mare, who is it?

- Who's who?

- Hey, don't play dumb.

Everyone knows some guy

dropped you off last night.

Then the phone call,

now the make-up.

- Come on, what's his name?

- Yeah.

Bye.

But that's the only way I can

capture the spontaneity, dad.

Otherwise everyone's

inhibited by the camera.

Absolutely not, I mean,

sh**ting a documentary

is one thing,

but sh**ting your own version

of candid camera,

that's another.

- No, look, you don't under..

- Hi, dad. Bye, dad.

What was that all about?

I think they call it love.

Well, I don't know

about that, dad

but whoever was on the phone

this morning sure set her off.

Yeah, it turned her on.

I thought you said

you trusted her.

I trust her.

I thought you said

she was an adult.

She is an adult.

I thought you said

you believed her.

I believe her. I really do.

It's just my overreactive

paternal gland secreting again.

You said she was old enough

to make her own decisions.

'Well, if she's old enough

to make her own decisions'

'then she's old enough

for the consequences.'

Look, I can worry, can't I?

You certainly can.

You have that down to a science.

[chuckles]

Pete, I think we should talk.

I know.

I want you to know that..

...that what happened

last night..

...was something I, uh,

just didn't expect.

Me neither.

Maybe I did, I don't know.

Why is it whenever

something nice happens

we seem to have this

pressing desire to analyse it?

Maybe because there's some pages

that needs to be analyzed.

Pete?

I'm scared.

So am I.

Should we stop

seeing each other?

No.

What should we do?

Why don't we just enjoy

the rest of today as friends?

Like it used to be.

Well, we could try.

But the truth is

it's not like it used to be.

Hey, let's go see the movie.

- That? Oh, no. No.

- Come on. Seriously. Come on.

- Pete.

- Come on. Do me a favor.

- It's my day.

- Your day?

- Okay, it's your day. We'll go.

- Good.

But I'm telling you..

You don't understand,

this is a bad film.

Bad? What do you mean bad film.

- Are you kidding?

- It's so bad.

[indistinct chatter]

Here.

(woman on screen)

'What a handsome man!'

'How lucky I was'

'to marry such a handsome man.'

(man on screen)

'Lorraine, you should,

you should rest now.'

(woman on screen)

'No, no.'

[Mary sobbing]

[yawns]

That was the worst movie

I've ever seen in my life.

- I loved it.

- I can't..

Look at your eyes.

[laughs]

Look at that.

No.

Okay.

[instrumental music]

[car engine rumbling]

[horn blares]

Mary?

In here, please.

I thought you said

that you and Dr. Berkus

were just friends.

We are friends.

Well, that may have

been the case once

but friends don't kiss

each other goodnight

not like that anyway.

You were spying?

Oh, well, I was keeping

my eyes open.

I mean, somebody

has to around here.

I don't wanna talk

about this anymore.

I don't blame you,

I mean the whole thing

is kinda sordid,

don't you think?

Sordid?

Mary, he's married.

Dad, our relationship

happens to be beautiful.

It may be beautiful now,

but if you stop long enough

to think about later..

'Mary, I'm worried about you'

'I'm worried that my daughter

will get hurt.'

I can handle it.

I-I don't believe you can.

I thought you said

you trusted my judgment.

'I thought that you could

live up to that trust.'

I mean, what about his wife?

And his children?

Have you thought about them?

Dad, look.

I know that there's problems.

There's lots of problems

but I'm gonna work 'em out.

I know what you're doing.

You're living

in a fantasy world.

You're playing with fire

and someone is bound

to get b*rned.

Mary, please, look.

I'm asking you,

walk away from him..

...now while you still can.

That's just it, dad, I can't.

I think I'm in love with him.

And I'm not

gonna stop seeing him.

(Joannie)

'Tommy! Nicholas!'

Alright, alright.

Don't have a stroke.

Well, come on, will you?

Oh, you're taking

this Gauca Dew thing

a little too seriously,

don't you think?

I always take money seriously.

Okay, sport.

What do you want me to do?

Just play along

with whatever I say.

You've got it.

I thought the whole idea

of this film

was for everyone

to be spontaneous.

Yeah, you said we could talk

about whatever we wanted.

Well, I changed my mind.

Spontaneous didn't work

so I decided to take a little

artistic license, okay?

Now, look, when I say action

all you gotta do

is make your beds.

But what do we talk about?

Uh, uh, school.

- School. Okay?

- Great.

Alright, you ready?

- Alright.

- Okay, ready.

- Roll camera.

- Rolling.

And...action!

So, Nicholas,

how was school?

Great, I love school.

You know what

my favorite class is?

No. What?

Science. We're learning

all about the moon.

Boy that's sound interesting.

Yeah, I like the part

about the craters.

They remind me of the ones dad

used to have under his eyes.

Really?

Yeah, but that was before.

Before what?

Before dad started

using Guaca Dew eye cream.

'You know, it really helps.'

'Just call in

for a free demonstration'

if you don't believe me.

No obligation.

See, Guaca Dew

is made from avocado pits.

Scrunch up.

'See, you scrunch up like this'

'and then you put it

under your eyes.'

- 'Mary?'

- Oh, come in.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Um, looks like I caught you

on your way out, huh?

Yeah.

[clears throat]

Can you spare a minute?

Well, uh, that all depends on

what we're gonna talk about.

If it's what I think it is, uh,

the subject is closed.

Look, Mary, I, I didn't come

here to judge you or anybody.

I don't even wanna advice, I..

I just thought if you'd like

to talk, I'd like to listen.

Oh, Abby,

it's, it's so confusing.

I didn't expect this to happen.

I really didn't.

- We never do, do we?

- No.

But things are moving so fast.

It was really simple

when we were friends.

Yeah.

[sighs]

Abby, I-I don't even know

that I am in love with him.

But I do know one thing.

When I think about not seeing

him again, I-I go crazy.

You know something?

You'd like him,

he, he's bright..

...funny and he really cares.

Mary, there is one thing

I'd like you to think about.

Relationships are tough

under the best of circumstances.

'These are not

the best of circumstances.'

But I can't think of any worse.

You know that relationships

require sacrifices.

Well, are you prepared to make

the sacrifices that it takes

to make this kind

of relationship work?

I think so.

Well, then, there's just

one thing left to consider.

His family.

The family,

very real people.

Hi, dad.

Oh, hi, Mary.

You're going out?

That's right.

I see.

Can we expect you for dinner?

I don't know yet.

I see.

That was a big waste of time.

Here we are trying

to sh**t a documentary

and your brother's

doing ten minutes on avocado.

Well, I'll cut around that.

We'll make it work.

John Ford couldn't

make this film work.

- No, I've had enough, Joannie.

- No, no, Marty, don't quit now.

Please, look, we'll get

a few more sh*ts of my father

and I'll piece

something together.

Oh, no, no, I can't work

with your father anymore.

I'm sorry,

but all I ever get

is, "Not now, Marty, not now."

Well, what I'd like

to know is when?

Soon, very soon.

Soon? I'm sorry, but soon

is just not soon enough. I quit.

No. Marty, you can't quit now.

Not now, not now.

[sighs]

I'm sorry

about your family, Mary.

Oh, don't be sorry about them.

They're alright.

Besides, I'm more concerned

about you and me right now.

About where we go from here.

Yeah. I've been

thinking about that too.

Sit down.

[sighs]

It was so easy

when we were just friends.

Yeah, I know.

They say that you can't

go backwards.

Do you believe that,

that you can never go back?

It's true for me, Mary.

I'm in love with you.

Alright. I really am and I don't

know what to do about it.

You're not gonna say anything?

I don't know what to say.

I'm confused.

Pete, we, we haven't

talked about your family.

'Don't you think

we should talk about them?'

Mary, they don't have anything

to do with you and me.

Of course, they do.

Okay.

My wife's name is Lori

and the kids are Andy..

...and Ellie.

Do you love them?

Of course, I do.

I love all of them.

But I love you too.

And now, you're just as big

a part of my life as they are.

How big a part?

How big a part do I get?

Pete, where do we go from here?

And can we live with ourselves

when we get there?

Nicholas, hurry it up,

would you?

(Nicholas)

'I'm busy.'

Busy with what? You've been

in there for minutes.

'If you gotta know,

I'm testing out my Gauca Dew.'

'What's it to you?'

Well, test it someplace else.

I got a date.

Why you trying

that stuff anyway?

How am I gonna know

if it works if I don't test it.

Besides, I wanna see

if it gets rid of my lines.

But you don't have any lines.

Well, then,

I guess it works, huh.

[scoffs]

Ah, unusable.

Unusable.

Definitely unusable.

Unusable seems to be

the key word around here.

Yeah.

Alright. Don't be so hard.

Maybe we can save it

with a little creative editing.

Oh, no, I'm afraid

nothing can save that.

That bad?

[chuckles]

Bad?

It's horrible.

I suppose Marty told you

the gruesome details.

Well, you know Marty.

He tends to exaggerate.

[clicks tongue]

Not this time.

Not as easy

as it looks, is it?

Oh, it sure isn't.

You were right.

Truth is I'm just

not ready for this?

I don't know if I'll ever be.

Joannie..

...you've learned

some hard lessons

but that's the only way

to learn anything.

You're a very good researcher.

You're gonna be

a very good on-camera reporter.

- Some day.

- Some day.

Some day may not

be that far away.

You mean it?

Yeah.

Ah!

[laughs]

Feeling better?

- Yeah.

- Good.

File that. And do me a favor

and don't take all day.

We got a lot of work

to do around here.

Yes, sir.

Mary, telephone.

- Thanks.

- Sure.

Hello.

(Pete)

'Are you coming

to the hospital tonight?'

Uh, I don't know, um

I was thinking

of studying at home tonight.

Uh, Mary..

I'll pick you up

in half an hour.

I thought you were

gonna tell me it was over.

I never expected this.

Nothing about you and me seems

to be very predictable, does it?

Sure doesn't.

Maybe it's not

the right thing, I don't know.

If it means not losing you.

Why do I suddenly feel like

I'm about to become

a home wrecker.

Mary, I never said

anything was definite

so let's not jump

to conclusions, okay?

But you are thinking

about leaving your wife.

You just said you were.

I said I was re-evaluating

our relationship.

I was...discussing options.

Some option.

Pete, do you remember

when I told you I was scared?

Yeah.

Well, now, I'm really scared.

Dad, Pete and I had a talk.

We discussed the possibility

of his leaving his wife.

Oh, Mary.

Can't I get through to you?

Don't you see it's wrong?

He has a family.

Why can't you see that?

I can't believe

you're doing this.

I'm not.

Look, I made the decision

not to see him again.

Oh, I see.

I wanted him.

I still want him.

But I won't have him

at someone else's expense.

You made the right decision.

Don't make me out

to be so self-righteous.

I could've kept seeing him..

...but I'm also too selfish

to share.

It's just so hard.

I know it is.

I would like to help you.

No, no.

I'm adult now, remember?

I get to deal

with this one all by myself.

I remember.

But being an adult doesn't mean

that you have to deal

with this alone.

That you can't have

someplace to go.

'I'm still your father

and I'm here if you need me.'

Okay.

Dad, I need you.

I really love him.

You know somethin' else?

Sometimes I hate

being an adult.

I know, Mary.

And you know what?

Sometimes I do too.

[instrumental music]

Hi, Nicholas.

Can I give you a hand?

That's okay, dad,

I can handle it.

Goin' out to sell

your Guaca Dew?

I already sold it all.

I'm delivering.

You sold it all?

That fast? How did you do it.

Well, Kenny P. Landers

talked to his mother

into buying what was left.

But...there are

jars in there.

'What could

Kenny Landers' mother do'

'with twelve jars

of Guaca Dew?'

Come here a minute.

You ever seen Kenny's mother?

No, why?

Billions of 'em.

Billions?

Billions.

[theme music]