- I've gotta game.
- It'll only take a second.
- Okay.
- Here, hold this. Hmm.
So how's married life?
Oh, it's nice. It's kinda like
living with your best friend.
Janet's your best friend?
But she's your wife.
Well, that's part of
what a wife should be.
I thought they just clean
the house and stuff.
Nicholas Bradford.
That is very
chauvinistic thinking.
Marriage happens
to be a partnership.
'A man and wife should
share in everything, Nicholas'
including the house work.
Everything?
Everything.
Good. Share in this.
I've gotta game.
- Uh, little higher please?
- Aah!
[laughs]
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic
in the early morning ♪
♪ We've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪
♪ On everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright
and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪
♪ By the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪
♪ And eight
is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives
with love ♪♪
Abby.
Abby! Abby!
Intuition tells me
that something's bothering you
this morning?
My tennis socks,
are missing.
Tom, I had no idea
it was this serious.
Oh, that's very funny, I
happened to have a tennis match
this morning
with Greg Maxwell.
If I show up
with my ankles hanging out.
He's gonna make fun of me
for the entire match.
And that's a definite
psychological disadvantage.
Oh, I-I guess,
I just didn't appreciate
the, the, intricate nuances
of the game.
That's right, there's a lot
more to tennis, you know
than just hitting a ball
back and forth.
I'm beginning
to understand that now.
Well, then if you understand,
would you please tell me.
Where are my white
tennis socks?
Does anybody,
have anything to say?
We're sorry, dad.
Sorry, does not excuse the fact
that my only
pair of tennis socks
have been sitting
in the dirty clothes hamper
since the last time
I played tennis.
Three weeks ago.
Dad, can't you
just wear another kind?
No, one does not play tennis
in argyle support hose.
Look, the point is
not only has the laundry
been neglected
but so has every other
household duty
that prevents this house
from becoming a pig sty.
Dad, look, this house
is not a pig sty.
It's a little messy maybe
but we've all been very busy.
Yeah, Joannie's right.
We've all been busy, dad,
and I think your over--
Don't say it!
I'm not over reacting.
The dust on the coffee table
is a quarter of an inch thick.
I measured it.
The windows are dirty,
the floors are spotted.
And I don't particularly enjoy
drinking my coffee
out of a Winnie the Pooh mug.
It's the only one
that was clean.
You really measured?
Look, I know you kids are under
a tight schedule,
you understand.
But that's no excuse
to abdicating
your responsibilities.
Am I making myself clear?
- Yes.
- Yes.
Alright, I'm going out now
to play a tennis match.
Tennis match
that I'll probably lose
because of these socks.
While I'm gone,
I strongly urge you
to change
your cleaning schedule.
And put it into practice.
Wish me luck?
[giggles]
- That's it we're done.
- Right, yeah.
Okay, guys, take it easy.
And, uh, don't be late.
These gigs aren't easy
to come by.
We wouldn't miss it
for the world.
Alright.
- Catch you later, huh.
- Okay.
Debbie Elman's party.
I can't believe it.
Yeah, just remember
we're there to play,
not to party.
Oh, we have to take
breaks, don't we?
- Yeah.
- Hey.
Close Bradford,
it could've broken.
I thought it already was.
Well, just on the inside.
I mean it still looks good.
You know, Ernie, you're probably
the only kid in America
that actually carries
a pocket watch.
It gives me character.
Girls like character.
'Specially the kinda girls'
that Debbie Elman
hangs out with.
The kinda that grow up
to do toothpaste commercials.
Heh. Hey, you want a beer?
The stuff your old man buys.
It taste like tree bark.
(Ernie)
He get's it on sale.
I think it's brewed
somewhere in Oklahoma.
(Tommy)
'Yeah, well, if he catches on,
he's gonna brew you.'
I don't think
he'd even say anything.
Only because I'm not totally
sure he knows exactly who I am.
Come on, Ernie,
don't be stupid.
Well, I think ,
he has a pretty good idea.
After all,
I'm around the house a lot.
But we never speak.
Well, that's not
completely true.
Once in a while,
I call him Mr. Fields
and ask him if Ernie's home?
Gets him real confused.
You, moron,
give me a beer.
Alright, now that's my man.
Hey, here's to
rock 'n' roll music.
- And Debbie Elman.
- I hear you.
So you really think
we can break a world's record?
Sure, lots of people do it.
Yeah, but we're just kids.
Kids are people too,
aren't they?
That depends on who your asking
and what kind of mood
they're in?
Well, everyone will wanna
talk to us
'cause we'll be famous.
So what are we gonna try?
I made a list.
See.
Here's some of the stuff
I think we have a chance at.
I didn't bother with stuff like,
uh, pole vaulting
and race car driving.
- Good thinking.
- And paddle ball.
There's one we can do.
- A maid?
- 'Once a week.'
If we all chip in
five bucks--
- 'Including you.'
- 'And Tommy.'
Right, then we can afford it.
No sweat.
- W-what do you think?
- I don't know.
Please, Abby,
we spent the last hour
trying to figure out
a cleaning schedule
that we could live with
but our weekdays are full.
And who wants to spend
weekends doin' house work?
Yeah, and it'll mean
less work for you too.
Maybe it's not
such a bad idea.
Great! We'll get started
right away with the interviews.
- Yeah.
- Alright.
Thanks, Abby.
Oh, one more thing.
The sooner you talk dad into it
the better.
[sighs]
Where did I go wrong, Bradford?
I thought she liked me.
[chuckles]
She did, Ernie, until
you slobbered all over her.
Those things shouldn't matter
when you're crazy about someone.
I don't think
she was crazy about you, Ernie.
Oh, yeah?
Did you see the way
she looked at me?
When I told her
I never felt like this before.
Y-yeah, she thought
you were gonna be sick all over.
What went wrong, Bradford?
A couple of things, Ernie.
Number one,
you couldn't remember her name.
And number two, you kept picking
the lint off of her sweater.
Oh.
Hey, at least
you can help a little.
- Help what?
- Walk.
I told her
she was a ten, didn't I?
[laughs]
Yeah.
But that was before
you discovered the dandruff.
Sit down for a second.
Too bad, sh*t her down
to six and a half.
You told her that too.
I could've sworn
it was lint.
Okay, now, Ernie,
we have to try
and be really,
really quite, okay?
- Okay.
- My dad is a sound sleeper.
but if you knock over
the refrigerator or somethin'
he is liable to wake up.
Hey, Bradford.
Hey, thanks for.. You know.
Yeah, I know Ernie.
My dad, never sleeps.
He would have k*lled me.
If he could have
figured out who I was?
[laughs]
Shh!
Oh.
Oh, no.
Dad, it's not like
you think.
It's o'clock
in the morning.
Ernie is passed out
on the couch.
I can smell
your breath from here.
What am I
supposed to think?
Okay. So I had a couple
of beers, so what?
That's two more than the law
allows at your age, that's what.
'How about Ernie?
How many did he have?'
- He had a couple more.
- A couple?
Okay, so he got wasted.
But everybody does that
every once in a while.
Let me tell you something,
once in a while
is once too often,
now do you read me?
Loud and clear.
Do Ernie's parent's know
that he is here?
I already called them.
I told them he was asleep.
What are you gonna do?
This time nothing.
But it better not
happen again.
It won't.
'And that goes for you
as well.'
I'll put up
with a lot of things
but drinking while driving
is not one of them.
I really called her
a six and a half.
Twice, you didn't think
she heard you the first time.
Wow. I was really out of it.
- Your dad pretty sore.
- Oh, boy, was he?
Probably didn't play
to swift either.
Are the guys mad?
Well, they said somethin'
about burning your piano
but other than that
nothin' too serious.
Oh, well, I'll just
have to wow 'em next time.
Way to go, Nicholas,
you're doing great.
But I've only gone ten feet.
Yeah but you haven't
tripped or nothin'.
Hey, Bradford,
I got a great idea.
Let's roll to the liquor store
and get a six pack.
I got an ID.
You want beer?
After the way
you felt this morning?
It's the best thing
for hangover.
[smirks]
Boy, Bradford.
You sure are ignorant
of the natural sciences.
Forget it, Ernie.
If my old man
catches me with booze
anywhere near this van.
He's gonna blow it up.
Just keep your eyes open,
Marvin.
I don't wanna bash
into anything
and hit my head
and get amnesia.
I think I just found
the place that delivers.
Ah. See this dollar,
Nicholas?
It could be yours.
[instrumental music]
Sometimes,
after a long hard day
nothing quite hits
the spot like a cold one.
Right, Nicholas?
Start talking.
But, dad, you don't understand.
I can't walk this way.
The record says
that you have to--
Tommy, right now.
If you steal another beer
you will set the record
for standing up
because it will hurt
too much to sit down.
You said that
this wouldn't happen again.
No one's been drinking.
Oh, I suppose this was gonna
be a new hood ornament, right?
I wasn't gonna drink it.
Well, someone was and you stood
by while Ernie conned Nicholas.
I didn't even know
what he was doing.
I already told you
I thought it was a dumb move.
That's right, Tommy.
It was a very dumb move.
I happened to be fond of Ernie.
But, I'm anything
but fond of the stunts
he's pulled around here lately.
I'll tell him
to knock it off.
You're both too young to drink
and I want it stopped.
Wait a minute.
How did I get dragged into this?
It's Ernie we're talking about.
Because he's your friend, as
long as he's around this house
he's your responsibility.
Well, you make it sound
as though I did something wrong.
I'm saying
that you share the blame.
I'm saying that
I want this behavior stopped
because if it doesn't,
Ernie isn't going to be allowed
around this house anymore.
[birds chirping]
[car revving]
This thing handles
like a truck, Bradford.
- You really need a tune up.
- Where have you been?
I figured, I'd better get out
of here until things cooled off.
Oh, that's great. I get the heat
while you take a joy ride.
Your dad was mad at me,
not you.
Then why did I get yelled at?
How should I know,
he's your father.
It was your
stupid can of beer.
Hey, pal, if I want to get
yelled at, I can go home.
- Then go.
- I will.
Goodbye, friend.
Well, we're all set.
First interview's tomorrow
morning at o'clock.
- Who is it?
- A Miss Kilpatrick.
She seemed pretty nice
on the phone.
Abby, have you talked
to dad yet?
No, not yet.
Abby, you're kidding.
The first interview is tomorrow.
Well, I just haven't found
the appropriate time
to talk to him.
He hasn't been in the
best of moods lately, you know.
I'll talk to him tonight.
I promise.
[g*n sh*ts on TV]
- Is it good.
- What?
What's ever playing
on the celling.
Must be better than
what's on this thing.
Ernie and I
just had a fight.
You know, right after
we had our fight.
I see.
I know you were
probably right dad, but..
...I mean,
you don't understand.
Ernie has
a lot of family problems.
Oh, I didn't realize
it was that bad.
It's just that
he and his dad don't talk.
I don't understand it.
Mr. Fields seems
to be an okay guy to me
but to listen to Ernie talk,
you'd think he was Frankenstein.
Well, all fathers
seem like monsters
to their kids
at one time or another.
Yeah, but his seems
that way all the time.
To tell you the truth
I think Ernie wishes
that you were his father
and he was a part
of this family.
He's been around this house
enough to qualify.
He's always telling me
how great you are.
Oh, of course,
you set him straight right?
- Of course.
- Oh-ho, thanks a lot.
Tommy, why don't you invite
Ernie over here
tomorrow night for dinner.
I could talk to him. Give him
some of my corny advice.
I don't think
he'd come, dad.
I mean, he knows
you're pretty down on him.
Oh.
Well, you could tell him that,
uh, David and Janet
will be here
and Susan and Meryl.
Tell him I was counting
on the whole family.
I can hardly
keep my eyes open.
Well, I think, I'll stay up
a little longer, okay?
Okay.
Goodnight, son.
Oh. Uh. Sleep tight,
Frankenstein.
[instrumental music]
Well, how do I look?
Tom, listen. There's something
I have to talk to you about.
It's the tie, isn't it?
It's too out?
You see, actually,
it's, uh--
Well, it'll just have to do
because I'm late.
Oh, I wonder
who that could be?
It's, um..
[doorbell ringing]
...Miss Kilpatrick.
- Kilpatrick. Miss.
- Oh, Bradford. Mister.
Forty dollars
a day is my rate.
I think that's reasonable,
don't you?
Oh, well, I.. What?
I know most people charge
by the hour but..
...I hate living
by the clock.
I wont disappoint you,
Mr. Bradford.
I'm very good
at what I do and I always give
my customers
their money's worth.
I've never heard
of door to door.
Look, miss, this
is a nice neighborhood. I--
Just what are you trying to say?
I'm not good enough for you?
Look, I've had
plenty of other offers.
Now, do you want me or not?
Abby!
[instrumental music]
Hey, I, uh, thought
you had geography this period.
I can never find the room.
You know,
you ought to get that fixed?
I tried.
Keep stopping
May I?
"The courage to be
"is the courage
to accept yourself..
(both)
In spite of being unacceptable."
You really like
your grandfather, huh?
Yeah. He talked.
I remember. He used to
use it to cr*ck walnuts.
That's probably why
it doesn't work.
Probably.
[bell ringing]
Ernie, my dad
would really like you
to come by the house
for dinner.
No, I don't
think so, Bradford.
Oh, no,
it was all his idea, really.
And if you don't come,
he said something about
disinheriting
you from the family.
Your dad's so corny,
Bradford.
That's true, Ernie,
very true.
But he doesn't use his watch
to cr*ck walnuts.
[laughing]
So what finally did happen
with Miss Kilpatrick?
You know, she left before
we even had a chance
to interview her.
Yeah, she told dad that he was
just too weird to work for.
So did Abby
straighten things out with him?
- Eventually.
- And?
And we can hire a maid
on a strictly trial basis.
Well, providing of course that
dad gives the final approval.
Well, that's so only fair.
And that he doesn't ever
have to answer
the door by himself again.
[all laughing]
[indistinct yelling]
[door bell ringing]
I'll get it.
- Who's winning, boys?
- Well..
(man on TV)
'You think they're
not going crazy?'
[door bell ringing]
You know something, Bradford?
You got a great doorbell.
Oh, no.
Ernie, you've been drinking.
Bradford, don't you know
anything about social graces?
After : you don't drink,
you have cocktails.
I don't believe this.
You're not even gonna
make it through dinner.
Fellas, come on in.
You're missing a terrific game.
- Thanks, dad.
- And Abby says to tell you.
Dinner will be ready
in minutes.
Right, dad.
Look, I'm gonna have to
tell him a story..
Tell him you had
to cancel or something.
Cancel?
It's not polite to cancel.
Ernie. Oh, great.
Okay, Ernie, open up.
[knock on door]
- Who is it?
- 'Me.'
- You hangin' in there?
- Yeah.
Good boy.
Here, I brought him
another cup of coffee.
Alright.
Everyone downstairs
are beginning to think
I'm a caffeine freak.
Hey, you guys,
I really appreciate this.
How's he doing?
Oh, from his stand point,
he couldn't be better.
No pain. Believe me.
You know, a cold shower
might help.
[water running]
You gotta get out.
But I'm trying to break
the shower record.
I need to use it. Move.
He's only got
more days to go.
What are you doin'?
The water has to be cold.
(Tom)
'Dinner.'
Oh, great.
No, the irony was that the guys
settled out of court
for more than he was suing,
can you believe that?
(Abby)
'Oh, wow, he must
had a pretty smart attorney.'
Really? Or the other guy
had a pretty dumb one.
Either that
or a dumb pretty one.
[all laugh]
(Susan)
Hey, who cooked dinner?
Elizabeth, you?
(Abby)
'Mary, great macaroni
and cheese.'
- 'Thank you.'
- 'You always were good.'
- 'With macaroni and cheese.'
- 'That's right.'
(Susan)
'So, Mary, how school. Hey..'
(Mary)
'School's going great.
You know we started to get--'
(Ernie)
You know what
the problem with school is?
All those classes.
Will you knock it off,
Bradford.
Mr. B, uh, who do you pick
for the pennant next year?
Yeah, yeah,
American International.
(Jeremy)
'Uh, both.'
(Ernie)
'You know what I think
about baseball?'
I think..
'I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.'
It's okay,
It was just a little milk.
Everything's wet.
I-I...I'll clean it up.
- Ernie, it's okay.
- I didn't mean to, honest.
Ernie, stop.
I'm sorry.
I think you better
leave the table.
But why?
I didn't do it on purpose.
I know,
we'll talk about it later.
- But why?
- Ernie, your excused.
Just like that, I'm excused.
What the hell's
that supposed to mean?
- Ernie, shut up.
- No, you shut up, Bradford.
All of you shut up. You don't
want me, you just say so.
Don't blame it on a little milk.
Ernie, get out. Right now.
Get out of this house.
I'll get out of your house.
You bet I will.
[intense music]
Tommy, he may be
your best friend and all that.
But, well, I think
Ernie has a problem.
Oh, dad,
you're being melodramatic.
Ernie's got it rough at home.
I told you that.
I'm sure that's why
he's been drinkin' too much.
Is it? Or is that just
some kind of an excuse?
'You yourself said that
Mr. Fields wasn't so bad.'
But that's different. I mean,
I don't have to live with him.
Well, the way you're talking,
Ernie needs a shrink.
Maybe, he does.
That's no disgrace.
He needs help.
Some kind of help.
And his parents
should know about it.
But that's the worst thing
you could do.
I mean, you can't
tell his parents.
Tommy, this is not
some adolescent school stunt.
This has happened
once too often.
Now, either you
tell his parents, or I will.
(Audrey)
'I think it's important to get
in touch with the real world.'
'That's why I applied
for this job.'
Do you have a garbage compactor?
Uh, no, I'm afraid we don't.
Oh, then what do you do
with the garbage?
It goes in the garbage can.
Oh, and then what happens?
And someone takes it outside.
- By hand?
- By hand.
Oh, wow, that's radical.
Audrey,
even with the compactor
the garbage eventually
goes outside.
It does?
- How old are you?
- Sixteen.
Audrey, have you ever
cleaned a house before?
- Sure.
- Audrey?
Well, I know how to do it.
I watch our maid all the time.
♪ Row row row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
♪ Merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream ♪
♪ Row row row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
♪ Merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream ♪♪
Why did you stop for?
You were going great.
How am I gonna sing this
dumb song for a hours?
What are you worried about?
You know all the words.
What about school?
I can't sing in class?
Sure you can.
Just keep your teeth closed.
You know, sing real quiet.
If the teacher calls on you,
you sing out the answer.
I sing the answer?
Yeah, like if she asked you
what the pilgrim's did
when they invented
Thanksgiving, you could say..
♪ I think that the guys
who lived at Plymouth Rock ♪
♪ Ate a lot of turkey
and took of all their socks ♪♪
Marvin, your a nerd.
- Well?
- Hi, Bradford.
Is that it,
just "Hi, Bradford?"
What can I say?
Well, how about starting
with something like, uh..
...I really made a jackass
out of myself last night
and I think you have
the right to know why?
- I really blew it, huh?
- Yeah, you really blew it.
Well, these guys I know from
shop dropped by and we went out.
They had a bottle and..
Oh, I thought I'd take the
edge off before I came over.
It took the edge off,
alright.
Yeah, well, I guess,
I got a little carried away.
A little?
Ernie, you were bombed.
And how could you
do that when you knew
my dad was touchy
about the situation anyway?
Sometimes,
I just don't understand you.
You don't have to
rub it in, okay?
I feel crummy enough about it.
He hates me, huh?
No, Ernie,
he doesn't hate you.
He ought to.
He thinks you have a problem.
'He said I should tell
your parents or he would.'
Bradford, you wouldn't.
No. But I'm not
big on lying either.
Which is what I'm gonna
have to do if he calls me on it.
I don't have a problem and you
know it. I don't have to drink.
Then, prove it.
I don't have to prove it.
Why should I?
Because I'm asking you to.
Okay, I will.
- When?
- Is now soon enough?
Can you make it any sooner?
'Look, don't forget about
band practice tonight.'
It's not the same
without keyboards.
I know, I'm the only one
who plays loud enough
to drown out your crummy voice.
- I'll be there. Don't worry.
- Okay.
[instrumental music]
Mrs. Waterman,
how long has it been
since you've done
this type of work?
Well, the last family
I worked for was the Benson's.
That's was right before
little Huey went off to the w*r.
Oh, I see.
Said he was
personally going to
kick the Kaiser in the pants.
And I expect to be treated
like a human being.
For too many years,
the domestic has been
the stepchild
of the American workforce.
We have been deprived,
repressed, humiliated
and manipulated, and I for one,
will no longer put up with it.
Do I make myself clear?
Like I said, the only thing
that doesn't sit well
is having a young child
around the house.
They're so irritating
at that age.
My nurse just can't take it.
Oh, well, Mrs. Shelly, Nicholas
isn't like that, at all.
Most of the time, you
don't even know, he's around.
Right? He's very mature
for his age, really.
♪ Row row row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
♪ Merrily merrily
merrily merrily ♪
♪ Life is but a dream ♪
And speak of the devil.
♪ Row row row you boat ♪
♪ Gently down the stream ♪
Nicholas?
♪ Merrily merrily
merrily merrily ♪
♪ Life is but a dream ♪
Does he ever stop?
Nope. Never.
He's been singing for six hours
and twenty three minutes.
Pretty neat. Huh?
♪ Row row row you boat ♪
♪ Gently down the stream ♪♪
No, Mrs. Shelly. Mrs. Shelly?
Well, at least,
we have one more.
- We do?
- Yup.
Someone named Gene Ruggles.
Nicholas took the call
last night.
Oh, for our sake, let's hope
Gene is our girl.
I'll get it.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Is this the Bradford house?
- Yes, it is.
- Oh, I'm Gene Ruggles.
Oh, hi.
(male #)
'Wasn't exactly
an inspiring session, was it?'
How great could it be
without keyboards?
I thought, you said
he was coming?
He said he was gonna be here.
Well, you know what?
Ernie's starting to be a pain.
'How's he ever gonna
learn the new stuff'
'by Saturday night?'
- He'll learn it, don't worry.
- He better.
[guitar music]
Hey, don't go away.
Bradford, Bradford, Bradford.
Oops, wrong guy.
You know, you look a lot
like a guy named Bradford.
'Course, he has
a better disposition.
Ahh, wait a minute.
You are Bradford.
Ernie, your breath stinks.
How many did you have?
- Who's counting?
- You were, remember.
Oh, come on, Bradford.
Don't be a drag.
I already had one fight
with my old man tonight.
Those your shop buddies?
You're sore about practice, huh?
Well, I'll have you know,
I had a very good excuse.
My watch broke.
Ah, come on, Bradford.
Hey, I'll stop for a year.
How's that?
Starting tomorrow.
Bradford?
Bradford?
[knock on door]
Come in.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What are you doing,
up this late?
Ah, I don't know.
I hear you got a new maid.
Yeah. And don't forget
your $ either.
Yeah.
You wanna talk about it?
Today, Ernie promised me
that he wouldn't drink again.
Now, he just left plastered.
So much for words, huh?
It's like
he's a totally different person.
When he drinks, maybe he is.
That's what alcohol
does to some people.
Well, then,
why doesn't he stop?
There's a chance
that he may not know how.
What're you saying
Ernie's an alchie?
I mean, he's only .
Tommy, the term is alcoholic.
And it doesn't matter,
if you're or you're .
Look, in medical school
we deal in facts, not myths.
Now, alcoholism is a disease,
just like diabetes is a disease.
And it's diagnosed, by
the inability to stop drinking
it's as simple as that.
Ernie cannot stop drinking.
- He could always stop before.
- But he can't now.
Look, his condition's changed.
No one knows why or how it
happens, Tommy, but it does.
Ernie needs help.
And he's not gonna get it
if everyone's walking around
blind to his problem.
Have you ever mention anything
to his folks?
They have a right to know.
Mary, I can't tell his parents.
Don't you understand that?
He'd hate me.
Do you wanna help him?
Of course.
Then you've gotta care for him
enough to let him hate you.
- Tommy?
- Mr. Fields.
I don't think
Ernie's here right now.
I know, I came to talk to you.
Come in.
Just remember that
this was not my idea.
- I was outvoted. Remember?
- What a chauvinist?
It has nothing to do with it.
Look, he has no experience.
He said so himself.
Well, at least, he's honest.
I'm just gonna do
a little vacuuming.
- Good.
- Okay.
There's more to consider
than just his honesty, Nancy.
I know. He's cute too.
We didn't have a choice.
Remember? There was no one else.
Mary, the guy is a graduate
student. He'll learn.
I've known a lot of dumb
graduate students.
Yeah, Mary, but this one has
a degree in system analysis.
He's working on one
in Aeronautical engineering.
I'm sure, he'll be able
to figure out
a simple vacuum cleaner.
- You little creep.
- Ernie?
You went to my parents.
You actually told them
I was an alcoholic.
I told them you had
a drinking problem.
Oh, you're beautiful.
Just beautiful.
Ernie, let me explain,
I talked--
Cram it, Bradford. I mean,
who do you think you are?
Billy Graham? You're supposed
to be my friend. My best friend.
That's why I did it.
Oh, yeah, that makes
a lot of sense.
What you gonna do for me next,
call the cops?
Or how about something really
nice, like have me committed.
- Ernie, listen to me.
- No, Bradford, you listen.
Can you guess, what my dad did,
when I came home?
I'll give you a clue.
This and this and this.
You got it.
Ernie, I'm sorry.
Huh, yeah.
He hit him?
That's what Ernie told Tommy.
Oh, I shouldn't have
made Tommy tell him.
Mr. Fields is Ernie's father,
he has the right to know.
So he could hit him?
You couldn't have known
that he'd do that.
Well, I feel like,
I should do something.
I just don't know what.
Why don't you talk to him?
To Mr. Fields?
Dad, look, what if
someone came to you
and told you
that Tommy was an alcoholic.
What would you do?
I don't know.
- But I wouldn't hit him.
- 'No, you wouldn't.'
But Mr. Fields did.
May be he did it
out of ignorance.
Hitting Ernie may be
the only way he can deal
with the situation,
that he doesn't understand.
Maybe Battleball isn't such
a bad idea, after all.
I don't know what to do.
We almost had the singing record
until you blew it.
Hey, I hadn't eaten all day,
I was starving.
Well, I give up.
I guess we're just not gonna
set a world's record.
And we'll have to be like
everybody else. Unfamous.
What's so big about
being so famous, anyway?
(Marvin)
Are you kidding?
When you're famous,
you get to drive great cars.
But we're too young to drive.
We'll always get
the best looking girls.
Marvin, aren't you forgetting,
we don't like girls.
Oh, I know,
when you go to restaurants
you always get the best tables.
Who cares?
You sure take the fun
out of being famous, Nicholas.
Tell you one thing though
when you're famous,
nobody tells you what to do.
Nobody?
Nobody.
Well, come on!
What are you waiting for?
Don't just sit there. Do you
wanna be famous or not?
Hey, we hired a maid
for that, remember.
I know, but he has to come back
tomorrow, as it is.
If we don't help the poor guy
out, he'll be here all week.
Yeah. Is he still downstairs?
Well, the last time I looked,
he was having trouble with the--
You stupid washing machine,
what's wrong with you?
I can send a man to the moon
but I can't build
a crummy little..
Alright.
Wash function cycle.
Check.
a*t*matic temperature control.
Check.
Disengage manual override for
a*t*matic operation. Checked.
Detergent. Check.
I can't believe it.
I just can't believe this.
[washing machine whirring]
One small step for man..
I, uh, had a feeling, you'd
be over here, sooner or later.
Ernie's always talking about
what a great father you are.
Oh. Yeah, well, I try.
So do I, Mr. Bradford.
Look, I know this must
be uncomfortable for you.
'So let me see if I can
make it a little easier.'
Ernie is an alcoholic,
Mr. Bradford.
He's been an alcoholic,
for a while now.
And it took
a lot of guts, for Tommy
to come over here
and tell me that.
You knew?
Oh, I've known,
for quite a while.
I guess, it just..
...took someone to say it..
...out loud for me to..
...actually admit it to myself.
I see.
My...father was
an alcoholic, Mr. Bradford.
I'm not unfamiliar
with the territory.
But when I saw it Ernie,
I just, uh..
...closed my eyes.
The irony is that he always
had this wonderful image
of his granddad and I...
just never had the heart
to tell him the truth.
I'm sorry.
I love my son, Mr. Bradford.
I wanna help him.
But..
...Ernie told Tommy that..
..you hit him.
I suppose that...should
surprise me, but it doesn't.
Ernie needs a justification
for his drinking.
My father did the same thing.
Mr. Bradford,
I never hit Ernie.
[instrumental music]
I just happened to be
in the neighborhood
and got the worst cramp
in my leg and..
So I saw the van and..
Get out of the van, Ernie.
- Oh, come on, Bradford.
- Out.
I was thinking about
what happened and well..
I know, you were
just trying to help.
So why don't we forget it, okay?
Why don't you just
get out of the van?
Hey, listen,
I said everything's cool.
For how long, Ernie?
Until you get drunk again?
Okay, okay.
I won't drink anymore.
We've been through this before.
- I know but..
- 'No buts. I've had it.'
And do me a favor.
Pickup your keyboards.
You're out of the band.
You don't mean that.
I said it and I mean it.
I can't deal with you anymore,
Ernie.
'You've lied about everything.'
Your drinking, band practice..
Even your father.
You wait a minute, okay.
Just wait.
I'm not gonna wait for you
anymore, Ernie. No more.
You guys better slow down
you're gonna wear yourself out
before you get to the kitchen.
The kitchen?
Well, I thought he already
cleaned the kitchen.
- Oh, he did.
- Oh, no.
Okay. You're right.
This Mr. Ruggles guy is not
working out and we all know it.
Yeah, we're doing more work
than we did before.
Yeah, and it's
only costing us bucks.
What're we gonna do?
Well, I hate to sound like
your father
but the danger
in hiring someone
is that someday
you might have to fire him.
Well, I'm sorry,
it didn't work out, Mr. Ruggles.
Oh, no, girls. Don't be sorry.
It's alright.
I completely understand.
And believe me, I knew from the
start, I was out of my element.
And I guess, I'm just not
mechanically inclined
around the house.
- Oh.
- Well.
It was a good lesson for us too.
Yeah, we found out
that we really did
have time to clean
the house, if we had to.
- Well...goodbye, girls.
- Goodbye.
- Oh, here, let me he--
- I can do it.
He can do it.
- Um, listen--
- No, no.
Just kidding.
[door shuts]
Ernie.
I...I just came by
to get my electric piano.
Oh. Sure.
I, uh, was just trying
to find an old column.
Listen, I'll get rid of this box
and I'll give you a hand.
No, that's okay.
I brought a couple of friends.
- They have a truck.
- I see.
Yeah, well..
I'll just tell them to back it
up here, if that's okay.
- We won't be long.
- Sure, that's fine.
Ernie?
You know, admitting
that you need help
is nothing to be
ashamed of, really.
Oh, I guess, it isn't,
if you need help.
May I tell you a story?
I really have to go,
Mr. Bradford.
No, it's a short story,
it'll take just a second.
Okay.
I had an uncle.
He was a great guy.
He was lot of laugh.
He had a lot of friends.
And he'd go out sometimes
and do things.
Things he never remembered
until the next day
his friends would tell him
about them and..
...and he thought it was funny.
For a while.
Until one day he...woke up
from one of his blackouts..
'...and he'd lost his friends..'
'...his job and his family.'
He didn't think
it was funny anymore.
Ernie, he never did admit
that he had a problem.
That's not a very nice story,
Mr. Bradford.
I know, it's just
that I wanted you to know
that if you ever do,
have a problem, that is..
...you can always come to me.
I better go get the guys.
[knock on door]
I didn't mean to interrupt.
I mean, if this is a bad time?
No, no, Ernie.
No, I was, I was just about
finished. Come on in, please.
I was just about to pour myself
a cup of lukewarm coffee,
how about you?
Oh, no thanks.
Really, I'm fine.
Sit down.
It's a nice office,
Mr. Bradford.
Oh, yeah! Thanks.
It's a typical writer's office.
Everything looks lived in,
right?
Right.
So how's it going?
Okay.
You know, pretty good.
Good.
Look, I better be going, I..
I thought I'd,
you know, just say hi. So..
See you around, Mr. Bradford.
I...I..
I lost it, Mr. Bradford.
I lost it.
- Lost what?
- The watch.
The watch?
My grandfather's watch.
Oh, Ernie, I'm sorry.
Maybe if you retrace your steps.
That's just it.
I can't even remember
where I was.
I can't remember anything.
I mean, maybe-maybe,
I didn't even lose it.
Maybe it was stolen.
How could I not know anything?
Did you drink a lot?
Mr. Bradford,
will you help me?
Oh, Ernie...I'll help you.
[dramatic music]
Found a new keyboard man yet?
No. Of course I really haven't
been looking that hard.
Really?
Sounds like you're hoping
Ernie will come back.
Something like that.
You think he'll get
better, dad?
Mr. Fields says
he's giving it a sh*t.
You know, I always thought
AA was just a place
for skidrow bums, I didn't
realize it had a teenage group.
I know.
We've all been dealing in myths
of one kind or another.
Why don't you go and see him?
Dad, he doesn't wanna see me,
you know that.
Oh, I think, he's just afraid
to make the first move.
Afraid the things
won't be the same
now that he's
an official alcoholic.
Well, they won't be.
I mean, they'd be better.
So...tell him?
Yeah, but I-I wouldn't know
what to say, you know.
How about..
Hi, Ernie?
But then what?
And then..
...give him this.
'I found it over there,
just a little while ago.'
You know something, dad?
Sometimes, you sure do
have a way with words.
[theme music]
[music continues]
04x16 - The Courage to Be
Watch/Buy Amazon
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.