You want my advice?
(Tom)
'Uh, yeah.'
This is great.
Can I sit in your chair?
Hm?
Oh, y-yeah, sure.
Go right ahead.
Now, what seems
to be your problem?
Oh..
Well, you see, I, uh..
I've-I've gotta tell
somebody something.
And I don't know
quite how they're gonna take it.
I-it might be pretty rough.
Well, you always said
to be honest.
Give it to 'em straight
and they won't get upset.
'Oh, yeah. You think so?'
'Okay. Here goes.'
Y-you know the way I've always
told you not to leave
your bicycle out on the driveway
'but sometimes you forget?'
Yeah.
Well...I..
...I..
This morning
I-I ran over the bike.
- You ran it over?
- 'It was an accident.'
Now, you said
that you would understand
if I were honest.
But my bike.
Alright, okay. It was..
Look, I-I-I told you for months
not to leave that bike
in the driveway,
and you keep forgetting.
I mean, that's irresponsible.
Now, it's gone.
You can't expect me
to buy you a new bike.
My only bike.
Look, now, this has
gotta be a lesson to you
and so,
I'll have to be very firm.
Maybe if Christmas.
That was the first two-wheeler
I ever had.
Alright, if you're good...
your birthday.
Tommy sold me that bike, dad.
Look, if there's
some money left over
at the end of the month,
we'll-we'll talk about it.
I loved it. I really loved it.
You know,
i-if we hurry, we m-we might get
to the bike shop
before it closes.
See, dad? I'm not upset at all.
I always told ya,
"Honesty is the best policy."
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic ♪
♪ In the early morning
we found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪
♪ On everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ Oh eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Though we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright
and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪
♪ By the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
Are there any leftovers, Abby?
Nicholas, with all you ate,
you're still hungry?
It's not for me, dad.
It's for the dogs.
The leftovers' in the fridge.
Dogs? What dogs?
Oh, it's his
latest business venture.
Another one?
We still got a bathroom
half-full of guacadoo.
Well, he and his friend Vincent
have started
a dog-sitting service.
What? Oh, no, no, Nicholas.
You're not gonna turn
this house into a kennel.
I know, that's why
we're keeping the dogs
at Vincent's house.
I'm just in charge
of feeding it.
You don't care, do you?
No, as long as
they stay at Vincent's.
Don't worry, dad.
I've been around you long enough
to know better.
Have you picked out
one corsage yet?
Are you kidding? I haven't
even decided on a tux yet.
Don't wait till the last minute.
And remember, my dress is blue
so don't get anything
that'll clash, okay?
You're really stoked
about this, aren't you?
Of course I am.
This is the senior prom.
It's a big deal.
It's a night we'll remember
all our lives.
Oh, come on.
It's just a stupid dance.
You get conned
into dressing like a doorman
spend a lot of cash,
you wind up bored stiff.
She said no, huh?
'Oh, come on, Ernie'
you're not gonna let
Suse Watson get you down.
I mean, there are
plenty other girls to ask.
I was dumb.
I should've started looking
midway through my junior year.
I think you're letting
the pressure get to you.
W-what about Stefanie Sprow?
Weren't you gonna ask her?
She's going with Curt Jenkins.
(Tommy)
'You know something, Ernie?'
Maybe you should consider
lowering your standards.
I mean, let's face it,
you can't go through
your entire life
looking for a ten.
Bradford,
right now a ten is a four
who'd go to prom with me.
(man on TV)
'And now, here are some scenes'
'from next week's exciting
conclusion of the story..'
Well, that's done.
Oh, come on. It wasn't that bad.
- I laughed.
- Mm-hmm?
In all the wrong places.
[laughs]
Well, so, I have
a weird sense of humor.
Okay, weirdo.
How about if I open
a bottle of wine
listen to a Sinatra record,
and dance the night away?
Hmm.
I'm not sure
I can get into that.
Well, how about Led Zeppelin
in a six-pack?
You're making too much noise.
Wendy?
You woke me up.
Honey, why don't you come over
and join us on the couch
for a while, okay?
No, it's late.
She should be in her own house.
Wendy, go back into your room
I will be there
in a minute, alright?
- I don't think she likes me.
- No. No, no, no.
It's just that
she's been that way
with every girl I've dated
since her mother d*ed.
Oh.
You know, uh...
it is getting kind of late.
Uh, I think I better go.
Nancy, I don't
want you to leave.
Yeah. Well...I think I better.
[sighs]
Call me tomorrow?
Sure. I'm sorry.
Oh, it's okay.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
[exhales]
What about Shelly Connell?
Bradford, she's a foot
taller than me.
Besides, I've quit tryin'
to fool myself.
No girl is gonna go
to the prom with me.
- Ernie.
- But it's okay.
You see, I've accepted reality.
It doesn't bother me. Really.
I've got it all together.
I found my place
in the universe.
I know what I am.
I'm a loser.
Ernie, why don't you
just try on a tux, okay?
Bradford, look at me.
Now, what comes to mind?
That's right.
When they put the word nerd
in the dictionary
there's gonna be
a little picture of me
right next to it.
Ernie, you're not a nerd.
'Now you're not gonna spoil
the prom for us.'
You're gonna get a date
and we're gonna have fun.
I wonder what's gonna be
on TV that night.
Nerds watch a lot of TV,
you know.
Nancy, it sounds like
Wendy's jealous of you.
She probably resents you
coming between her and Gary.
How long has it been
since her mother d*ed?
I think about eight months.
- Oh..
- Well, see that's it.
Since her mother d*ed,
she probably wants
all of her father's attention.
- Are you still gonna see him?
- I'd like to.
Well, don't worry, I mean
Wendy will warm up to you,
give her time.
Joannie, I don't know..
[telephone ringing]
Hello?
Yeah, she is. Just a second.
It's Gary.
Hi, what's up?
Oh, that's okay.
No, I understand, really.
Right now? Nothing.
No, I just got home
from work, why?
[chuckles]
Uh, no, Gary.
I don't think so.
Well, not after the way
she acted last night.
[Nancy sighs]
Are you sure you can't do it?
Yeah, o-okay. Yeah, I realize
it's an emergency.
'Yeah, I know
where the school is.'
Okay.
Well, I'll see you tonight.
Bye.
Well, Wendy's gonna get
her chance to warm up to me.
See ya.
[instrumental music]
Hi, Wendy.
Where's my daddy?
Well, he had to go on business
so he asked me to pick you up.
I'm not going.
Well, I'm the only one
who's come to take you home.
'Course you have a choice.
You can come with me
'or you can stay here
by yourself.'
[music continues]
Come on. Let's go.
(Nicholas)
'No way, Vincent.'
My dad would
ground me for life.
Well, maybe she's got
a cold or something.
I never heard of anybody's
sister being allergic to a dog.
Well, why don't you
put him outside?
It's not that cold.
[doorbell rings]
Oh, listen, I gotta go.
I'll call you back
in a half-hour.
Just don't panic, okay?
Oh, yeah. Bye.
- Hi, Nicholas.
- Hello. Come on in.
Tommy!
Hey.
Nicholas.
You said, I could watch.
I did not. Get outta here.
He's approaching that age.
So, any luck with Ernie?
Nah. You should see him.
The poor guy's
so depressed, it's sad.
Does it really mean a lot to you
that Ernie goes to the prom?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, E-Ernie and
I have been talking
about this all year.
It wouldn't be the same
without Ernie.
Well, if it's that's important
I know this girl.
'She lives next door
to my cousin.'
- She's--
- Perfect.
What do you mean?
You don't even know
if she's Ernie's type.
Well, she's female.
That's Ernie's type.
Anyway, I think
she'll go with him
but I can't guarantee anything.
But there is hope?
And right now, Ernie needs
all the hope he can get.
You sure you don't want one?
No, I wanna go home.
Alright.
It's pretty good though.
You don't like me much, do you?
- No, I don't.
- Why?
- I just don't.
- Hmm.
Well, I don't think
you've given me a chance.
I'm a pretty nice person.
You're not as nice
as my mommy was.
Well, nobody can be
quite like your mother
but, Wendy,
I'm not trying to be.
Then how come you kissed daddy?
'Cause I like him.
You know, your daddy
loves you very much.
It's just that he needs to be
with other grown-ups sometimes.
- He told me that, too.
- He did?
Well, I'll tell you something.
We have a lot in common,
you and I.
- We do?
- Yup.
My mother d*ed, too.
- She did?
- Mm-hm.
Sometimes I miss her
so much, Wendy
I just wanna scream.
- Me too.
- Yeah.
But I never do.
You know
when that feeling happens
what I usually do is,
I talk to somebody instead.
Somebody who understands
how I feel.
Somebody like you.
- Me?
- Yup.
'Cause you know how I feel,
don't you?
- Sad.
- That's right.
And real lonely.
But I'll tell you something.
You won't feel so lonely
if you talk to somebody
who understands.
- Somebody like you?
- Yeah.
Somebody like me.
[chuckles]
Come on,
you want a a lick of this?
It's pretty good.
Oh, Wendy, I'm starvin'.
Let's go see what's in here.
Uh, looks pretty barren.
- We eat out a lot.
- Yeah, I can tell.
I'll tell you what?
Why don't you go
change your clothes
and we'll go shopping
and we'll surprise your dad
with a big meal,
how's that sound?
- Okay, be right back.
- Hurry up.
- Gary!
- 'Hmm.'
- Hi.
- Hmm.
What did I do to deserve that?
You won't believe
what happened?
Well, calm down
and tell me what happened?
It was fantastic,
it was amazing.
- What--
- Which outfit should I wear?
- Oh.
- Hi, daddy.
We're going out shopping.
You wanna come?
Yeah. I'd love to come.
Which outfit
do you like, Nancy?
Well...I like the green one.
Me too. Be right back.
(Nancy)
'Okay.'
[chuckles]
What happened?
She's like a different girl.
Yeah.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Bradford, this is an exercise
in futility.
Ernie, would you quit
being so negative?
Maybe she'll wanna
go out with you?
I don't need this.
I've got some pride.
I refuse to take a mercy date.
Ernie, Tami's a nice girl.
I've known her for a long time.
Does that mean
you can't lie about me?
I don't have to lie about you.
She'll like you
just the way you are.
Okay.
But at least tell her
I had a date for the prom
but she was k*lled
in a skiing accident.
I'm not gonna tell her that.
She'll think I'm desperate.
- Ernie, you are desperate.
- She doesn't have to know that.
Hi, Tami.
This is Jill Cassidy.
Yeah, it has been a long time.
Um...yeah, me too. Me too.
Listen, Tami,
the reason I called
is that I told a friend,
a guy friend about you.
And he was wondering
if you'd like to go
to the Central High prom
with him.
[scoffs]
Yeah, that is a little unusual.
But he's-he's really a nice guy.
He really is.
What does he look like?
Oh, he's cute.
I think you'll like him,
I think you will.
He's really, he's really
got a great personality.
Great. Now she knows I'm a nerd.
Yeah, sure. Yeah,
I think we can arrange that.
Um, how about tomorrow?
- What tomorrow?
- 'Okay.'
Okay, I'll-s,
I'll see you then. Bye-bye.
Well?
She said she wants
to meet you first.
That's it. I'm finished.
Confidence, Ernie, confidence.
Oh, yeah,
I'm confident, alright.
Confident I'll be
sh*t down again.
[doorbell ringing]
Vincent, you can't
bring them here.
Well, we don't have any choice.
My dad made me bring them over.
My sister couldn't breathe.
Well, we can't keep 'em here.
There's nothing else we can do.
You wanna bet?
Then you think of some way
to get a whole bunch of dogs
back to some people
who aren't even home.
Oh, get upstairs in my room
and shut the door.
[doors slams]
He's the worst.
He dug up my mother's flowers
and he keeps on trippin'
and rollin' down the stairs.
Really?
He's the dumbest dog
I've ever seen.
He doesn't look very dumb to me.
Watch this.
Come on, Rex. Come on, rascal.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
[dog barking]
Guess I got you.
Oh, boy.
Jeez!
What's the matter with you?
- I got a problem.
- Really?
What is it?
Ernie.
Ernie?
I thought Jill got him a date.
Well, she did, but the girl
wants to meet Ernie first
which should effectively
eliminate any chance
of her going
to the prom with him.
- Why?
- I don't understand it.
Ernie's just been a complete
washout with girls lately.
Well, why don't you help him
for heaven's sake?
Gee, you're his friend.
How? The guy's lost
all confidence.
He's practically
nominated himself
for senior class member
most-likely-to-fail.
Then he needs some
positive reinforcement.
Really, he's not such a bad guy.
I mean, just needs the rough
edges smoothed out a little.
Absolutely.
With the proper coaching,
there is no reason
why he can't make himself
attractive to women.
In hours?
[instrumental music]
They're here.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, Nancy.
- Hi, Wendy.
Come on in.
- Hi.
- Hi, hello.
Gary, Wendy,
I want you to meet my dad
and this is my stepmother,
Abby.
- How are you?
- How you doin'?
- Pleasure, sir.
- Good.
- Hi, there, cutie.
- Nice to meet you.
- Oh, thanks.
- Isn't she cute?
Come on, let's go upstairs
and meet Elizabeth.
- Okay.
- Come on.
Well, Gary, we'll, uh,
show you the house, okay?
- Thanks, I'd like that.
- Good.
[instrumental music]
Hey, handsome. Can we join you?
What are you two doing here?
Tommy said you'd be here.
We wanted to talk to you.
- Yeah.
- What about?
Well, can we sit down?
It's your reputation.
Aw, Ernie.
You know, this trouble
you're having with girls
'it is all in your head.'
Boy, does Tommy has a big mouth?
(Mary)
'He wants to help you.'
(Joannie)
'And so do we.'
I'm unhelpable.
Ernie, do you know what
separates winners from losers?
Self confidence.
Right, now if you project
self confidence
women will be attracted to you.
That's just the point.
I don't have self confidence.
(Joannie)
'But you can get it.'
I mean, you just have
to think positive, Ernie.
You are only a loser
if you think you're a loser.
(Mary)
'Right.'
So, uh, Nancy tells me
you're a photographer.
Yeah...yeah.
Freelance.
That's nice.
- Oh, uh, Nancy?
- Yeah.
Listen, I think it's time
I take Wendy home.
- Oh, just sit there.
- Well, it's just that I--
Well, she wants to see
our old doll collection.
Dad, is that still down
in the basement?
Oh, uh, yes, but, Nancy--
I'll be right back.
[instrumental music]
- Good.
- Alright, just remember.
Be confident. She's lucky
to be going out with you.
It works.
I feel like a new man.
Well, you are.
Well, almost.
Well, you just need a little
work, uh, w-with your outfit.
And-and, you know, Ernie,
do something with your hair.
Oh, yeah, that's good.
That's good.
And a little, uh,
splash of cologne
you'll be irresistible.
Now, just-just remember,
confident.
- You are in total control.
- You are man of action.
Suave, dashing and debonair.
Right!
Well, I'll be
seeing you ladies. Uh..
If you need my number,
uh, it's in the book.
Oh..
Bye.
Bye.
Well, it was really nice
meeting you, Mr. Bradford.
- Right, right.
- Bye-bye, Wendy.
- Bye.
- Yeah, come on, let's go.
- See ya.
- Bye, have a good time.
Yeah, right. Bye-bye.
Boy, that Wendy sure is cute.
Kinda like me,
when I was her age, right, dad?
Sure, exactly.
What did you think?
- I think Nancy's in love.
- I don't know.
Gary didn't really strike me
as her type.
- Maybe, but his daughter is.
- Now, that's for sure.
I've never seen Nancy so
animated around a child before.
[dog whines]
- Did you hear that?
- What?
I'm not sure.
Hm.
Nicholas?
Nicholas?
[Tom screams]
[dog barks]
Nicholas!
Nicholas!
(Nancy)
'Let's get you all comfortable.'
There.
'Before I go to sleep'
I'm gonna make a wish
on a lucky star.
What are you gonna wish, honey?
That you become my new mommy.
Oh, Wendy, that's so sweet.
Goodnight.
Sleep tight and
don't let those bedbugs bite.
I may wish on that same star.
- Wish what?
- That Wendy's wish comes true.
- Oh...Gary, I--
- Ah-ah!
Now don't say anything yet.
Just think about it, okay?
But Wendy wants you..
...and I want you too.
Liz?
Liz? He asked me to marry him.
- More people.
- 'Elizabeth, wake up.'
Well, where are they?
He asked me to marry him.
- Who did?
- Gary.
I don't know what to do.
I mean, I'm so happy
when I'm with Gary and Wendy.
She was so cute.
She asked me to be her mommy.
That's real cute.
You know, I bet I could be
a good mother to Wendy.
And of course, Gary is great.
You saw the way
he is with her.
- He's a good father.
- Hmm, good father.
What do you think?
I think the three of you
will make a very nice couple.
(Tommy)
'Ernie? What are you doing
here so early?'
'We're not supposed to pick
the girls up until .'
Oh, I thought we'd go
and have a big breakfast first.
But we're meeting
the girls for brunch.
I figured it'd be better
if I didn't eat with them.
I don't wanna look hungry.
Would you relax, this is
supposed to be a casual date.
Which brings me
to my next question.
Why are you dressed that way?
It looks like
your mother dressed you.
She did.
Well, she didn't really.
She just sort of supervised.
Anyway, your sisters said that
women like a well dressed man.
But we're going
roller skating afterwards.
So, I'll just try not to fall.
What's this?
It's a gold chain, Bradford.
Everybody in
Hollywood wears them.
Yeah, about years ago.
And isn't that supposed
to be worn
on the inside of the shirt?
Then nobody can see them.
Unbutton the top of your shirt.
And let Tami see I don't have
any hair on my chest?
Ernie, you're going
about this all wrong.
'You are way too uptight.
You gotta relax.'
'Take it easy.'
Right.
Easy.
Gotta be loose.
Very cool.
Gotta take a shower.
A complete master.
Come on, boy, sit.
Sit.
You know, it would
have been a lot easier
if we could do this
in your bathroom.
(Nicholas)
'Are you kidding?'
We're lucky we get
to keep 'em out here.
After you left last night
my dad yelled
for a whole hour, non stop.
And then he mumbled
to himself about
some obedience school
and not for the dogs.
Yeah, he's like my dad,
except my dad
threatens me
with m*llitary school.
No.. Bad dog! Oh..
You know,
sometimes it's hard work
washing a dog that doesn't
wanna be washed.
You know what I like
about all this?
'What?'
The way the dead fleas
float to the top of the water.
'You're weird.'
Eh, you stop it.
[yelling]
(Gary)
'Hi, give me
a big smile, honey.'
- That's it. One more, one more.
- 'She a natural.'
Put a little, uh,
rouge on her face.
- Come on, look at me, Wendy.
- That's it.
- Just a sec.
- Ah...good.
- Pretty.
- One more.
Alright, I'm gonna go
over here for another angle.
So, why do you want a duck?
Because they're
my favorite thing.
Hmm. Really?
Yes, when they eat
out of your hand
it tickles
and I like their feathers.
They're soft
and they're always combed nice.
Okay, now keep combing her hair,
that looks really good.
There, terrific.
But you know what I like
best about ducks?
No, what?
The way they look at airplanes.
- Like this.
- 'Wendy, that's...hold it'.
Hold it,
it's terrific, terrific.
I can't. It hurts my neck.
- Aw..
- 'Oh, okay.'
Uh...that's enough for now.
So why don't you go in
the bathroom and wash-up, okay?
Hey, I'll come help you, okay.
- 'Uh, Nancy?'
- Yeah.
When you're get done with her
can I talk to you
for a minute alone?
Sure, Gary,
I'll be back in a second.
(Gary)
'Alright.'
Hi, everybody, my name's Bobby
and I'll be your waiter
this afternoon.
Uh, today
we have three specials?
How's it going, Bobby?
Uh, fine.
Uh, there's
three different spag--
I think we know,
what we want, Bobby?
Sure, go ahead.
Ernie, I'd kinda like to know
what the specials are?
Chill, sweetheart.
I've been here before.
'Believe me, you're gonna love
what I'm ordering.'
Okay.
I think we're all gonna go
with the fiesta omelet.
That's easy enough. Menus?
He's a good waiter.
I eat here all the time.
I guess you could say,
I'm sort of a regular.
Well, then, Ernie,
why don't you tell us
what's in this fiesta omelet?
Oh, I forgot
to order orange juice.
Oh, don't worry,
you'll have it in a minute.
Oh, Bobby?
Oh, Bobby?
That's okay, Ernie. I..
I think I can wait
till he comes back.
Oh, no problem. Uh, Bobby?
'Hey, Bobby, over here.'
I think, he's ignoring you.
Hey, Bobby!
(Tommy)
'Ernie, would you cool it?'
The entire restaurant's
is lookin' at us.
Hey, Bobby!
So, Wendy's still
in the bathroom?
It is gonna take her forever
to get that junk off her face.
Oh, yeah. Come here.
What?
[moaning]
I have been waiting
all day to do that.
- Yeah?
- Uh-huh.
You're not supposed
to influence your decision.
Gary, I told you.
I haven't made a decision.
Yeah, but you're
leaning toward yes.
- I can tell.
- You can?
Uh-huh. It's a small lean,
but it's a lean.
- Oh, come on, stop.
- Alright, alright.
Uh...maybe I can influence you
by, uh, dinner tonight?
A restaurant of your choice.
Well, I don't know, I mean
I think,
Wendy's a little too tired.
Who is talking about Wendy?
I meant a nice, quite,
romantic dinner
just for the two of us, you know
we haven't been alone that much.
Yeah, but...we spent
the whole day together.
I mean, I...I don't think
we should bring over a sitter.
She has had sitters before.
Believe me,
she will live through it.
Listen. I'm very happy
that you love Wendy this much.
But we have a life
of our own too, you know?
Huh?
- I know.
- Alright, alright.
Then we're gonna have
dinner alone tonight, alright?
Alright! Call a sitter.
Thank you.
[instrumental music]
Um, why don't you guys
skate ahead for a while?
I've got to rest a second.
Yeah, I could use a break, too.
Hey.
We'll, uh,
see you later, ladies.
[chuckles]
I can read women, Bradford.
She's crazy about me.
Oh, you're sure about that, huh?
It's in the bag!
Uh, Ernie, try not to come on
too strong too soon, okay?
- You're scarin' her off.
- Are you kidding?
Didn't you see the way
she grabbed me back there?
She was falling down.
She'd have grabbed anything.
That's what
she wanted you to think.
She planned the whole thing.
You know, I was thinking.
Maybe I should get my own place
right after graduation.
Ernie, let's not hope
for too much too soon, alright?
Bradford, the girl's in love.
[laughs]
This guy's a creep.
Really, Tami, I would not have
set you up with a creep.
Ernie is a warm
and sensitive guy...usually.
[sighs]
Oh, I'm sorry, Jill. I mean..
You know, I really like you
and I like Tommy
but I just
can't go out with him again.
Well, don't jump
to any hasty conclusions.
Think about it.
Every time I think about it,
I get nauseous
and it's not entirely
from that fiesta omelet.
Mm..
[sighs]
How's the hen?
Very good.
Good. Good.
The veal?
It's good, it's good.
Good.
How does the stock market look?
- Due for an upswing?
- Yes.
It's looking very bullish.
Good, good.
You know..
...Wendy said
the funniest thing to me--
Ah, ah, ah. We weren't gonna
talk about Wendy, remember?
Yeah.
- Sorry.
- 'No, it's okay.'
'I mean,
Wendy's a part of our life'
'so, of course,
we wanna talk about her..'
...but it's time
that we talked about ourselves.
'Well, I mean,
there are certain times we have'
'to talk about Wendy
because she's--'
Gary.
You're talking about
talking about Wendy.
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
[clears throat]
So, Nancy..
How are your vegetables?
[instrumental music]
[door shuts]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- 'How was your date?'
- Horrible.
- Why? What happened?
- Nothing happened.
That's what was so horrible.
Do you know we spent four hours
sitting across from each other
talking about our food?
[laughs]
Well, every cowboy has
a bad night every now and then.
I thought you really enjoyed
spending time with Gary.
Tsk. Well, that's when
Wendy's with us.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Tonight it was just
the two of us.
Your know,
our lack of conversation
gave me plenty of time to think.
I think it hit me
right before dessert.
What?
Abby, I was never serious.
I-I mean,
really serious about Gary..
...not until I got
involved with Wendy.
And now..
...we're talkin' about marriage.
Hm.
I think you should stop thinkin'
about you and Wendy
and start thinkin'
about you and Gary.
I can't think about Gary
without thinkin' about Wendy
and I can't think about Gary
without wondering..
...whether I really love him.
- Rex!
- 'Here, boy, here, Rex!'
- Come here, Rex!
- Come on, Rex! Here, boy!
What do we do
if we don't find him?
Oh, we'll find him. Don't worry.
Remember, Merle,
you're not dealing
with your average dog here.
This one has brain damage.
Maybe he got dog-napped.
Are you kidding?
That dog is such a pain.
The nappers would have
let him go a long time ago.
Well, let's see now.
We checked the dog pound
and the park.
What we have to do now is think
where would we go
if we were a dog?
A fire hydrant.
Come on, Vincent, get serious.
Hey, the secret is,
is not think like a dog.
I mean, to think like Rex.
Okay, then. Where would we go
if we were stupid?
Right!
Wait a minute.
I'm glad you're taking me
to school today.
- You are?
- Yeah.
Daddy was kinda cranky
this morning.
Oh.
- Hey, do you have your lunch?
- Yeah, in my bag.
Daddy fixed my favorite,
peanut butter and jelly.
He said
there was a surprise inside
but I can't look
until lunchtime.
[laughs]
You think your daddy's
pretty wonderful, don't you?
Sure, I do. I love you, too.
Well, give me a hug!
[laughs]
Good girl.
Now, you hurry up, I don't
want you to be late. Go on.
- Okay, bye.
- Buh-bye!
- Have fun!
- Okay.
[door opens]
Hi, Ernie.
Hi.
Where's Tommy?
- He's upstairs, changing.
- Oh.
- It's nice to see you again.
- Thanks.
Listen, Ernie, um..
Tommy told me that you're havin'
a little trouble
gettin' a date for the prom.
I told him not to tell you.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
I just don't understand
why you can't find someone.
Well, let me
spell it out for you.
- I'm a nerd.
- That isn't true.
When we went out,
I had a great time.
And listen, I've been out
with a lot of nerds in my life
and you haven't come close.
Oh, sure, it was easy with you.
You already knew me.
I didn't have to try
and impress you.
Why should you
have to impress anyone?
Just be yourself.
Show 'em the real Ernie Fields,
because you know what?
'He's a pretty terrific guy.'
- You think so?
- Yes, I do.
And apparently, Jack does too
because all I have to do
is mention your name
and he gets real jealous.
Really?
He actually gets jealous?
Yeah.
[chuckles]
I like that.
[laughing]
But I have to get back to work.
Come on, I've already
taken an hour for lunch.
This will only take a minute.
- Are you sure it can't wait?
- No.
Besides, we are already here.
What?
[sighs]
There it is.
Gary.
Of course, I probably
have to mortgage the house
to pay for it, but, uh
I think you're worth it.
Gary, you're pushing me.
Look, I told you. I need
more time to think about this.
I'm not pushing.
I'm just...trying
to motivate you a little.
You're pushing.
Okay, I'm sorry.
It's just that...I wanna get
Wendy's life and my life
back in order..
...make the three of us
a real family.
I know.
Look, I-I've got
to get back to work.
We'll talk about this
tonight, okay?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Buh-bye.
See, Tami, this is it.
This is the way I really dress.
The sports jacket
was my mother's idea.
- You're kidding.
- And the restaurant..
[scoffs]
I never talk to waiters
like that.
I'm a fry cook
at the Cluck N' Chuck.
The Cluck N' Chuck?
'To sum it all up'
nothing I did or said
the other day was really me.
I was putting on an act.
Why?
[sighs]
Well, I figured you wouldn't
like me the way I really am.
- Which is the way you are now?
- 'Right.'
I just want to make sure.
I mean, it's been months
since I went out with a girl.
I had date fear.
That can be pretty deadly.
Well, I just wanted
to tell you and to say, uh..
I'm sorry you had a rotten time.
It's okay.
Well, I hope I see you around.
- 'Ernie.'
- Yeah?
Um..
If you still
need a date for the prom..
[instrumental music]
[knocking on door]
Yeah.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Can I come in?
- Sure.
- You missed your dinner.
- I'm sorry, dad.
I've just got too much on
my mind to think about eating.
Would you care to talk about it?
You know what it is.
[sighs]
Gary.
Dad, I've tried
and tried to convince myself
I'm in love with him.
I'm just not sure.
If you were in love,
you'd be sure.
Yeah, maybe.
It's just that...since I've been
with Gary and Wendy..
Well, all sorts of new feelings
are coming out in me.
- Like what?
- Well..
Like, maybe I am ready to settle
down and start a family.
Well, that's a nice feeling,
but, I mean
are you sure Gary is the man
you wanna do it with?
I guess not.
You can't consider marryin'
someone that you don't love.
Well, I love Wendy.
I've grown so close
to that little girl..
...that givin' her up would be
like givin' up my own child.
Believe me, I know how strong
the love for a child can be..
...but that's no reason
to get married.
After you mother d*ed..
...I started seeing
different women..
...and I-I was looking
for a woman
that could be
a mother to my children.
I remember, daddy.
You dated quite a few.
'Right.'
That was the wrong approach.
I had to find a woman
that I was in love with
a woman that loved me..
'...and a mother
for the children.'
You see, if a man and woman
don't love each other..
...the children sense it.
And eventually, they get hurt.
I guess that wouldn't really be
the best thing for Wendy
would it?
Or for you and Gary.
Yeah.
Thanks, dad.
I wonder where Ernie is.
He should be here by now.
He's probably being grilled
by Tami's parents.
- They're very protective.
- Oh.
- Hey, Nance!
- Oh, don't you two look great?
Not bad, huh?
It seems like a million years
since my senior prom.
Guess what? It was.
- Enjoy yourselves.
- Goodnight, Nance.
Bye.
[instrumental music]
Oh, hi. You look great.
Of course.
- Have a good time.
- 'Thanks, Nance.'
Bye.
[door shuts]
Good evening, Thomas.
Jill, sweetheart, d-don't you
think you should get ready?
- We have to be off.
- Cut it out.
I'm only kidding.
Hey, guys, I got to get
a sh*t of this, okay?
Elizabeth, can I talk to you
a minute?
- Well, sure.
- Uh, Tommy.
- Take a picture of the girls.
- Okay.
Okay, now get together.
'Okay, let's smile.'
- Here, this is for you.
- Oh, Ernie.
I thought it'd be nice
to wear around the house.
I love it.
Well, I just wanted
to say thanks for..
- Well, you know.
- Hey.
I didn't tell you anything
that you didn't already know.
Well, I just needed to hear it
from somebody I care about.
You know,
you really are a terrific guy.
Yeah, I think Tami's
starting to think so, too.
I better get back there
before she changes her mind.
Listen, will you do me a favor?
- Sure.
- Will you pin this on me?
Oh..
Uh..
[scoffs]
Oh, give me a break, Elizabeth.
I'm nervous enough as it is.
[laughs]
[knocking on door]
[sighs]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Didn't think you were coming.
- I almost didn't.
- Uh-huh. Well, come on in.
Where's Wendy?
Oh, uh, I put her to bed.
Oh, good. Um..
I have something to tell you
and it's better
that we talk alone.
Yeah, sure.
Gary..
...I can't marry you.
Phew.
Well..
...I had feeling
this was coming.
Oh, I like you.
I like you a lot..
...I just don't love you.
But the three of us have had
such a great time together.
The three of us?
The only thing we share
is our love for Wendy.
- It's not enough.
- Nancy, Nancy.
- Now, give it some time.
- No.
Look, the more this thing
drags out
the more attached to Wendy
I'll become
and the more attached
she'll become to me.
[sighs]
Yeah, sure.
Gary, we both painted
a pretty picture for ourselves.
Cozy house, a beautiful child.
But let's face it..
...we don't love each other.
Nancy, you can't say
I don't love you.
'Look, remember at
the jewelry store when you said'
'you were in a hurry
to marry me?'
- I am.
- Right.
Except you didn't say
it was because you love me.
'You said it was because
you wanted to get'
'Wendy's life in order.'
But that's very important.
'Sure it is.'
But that's not
what's most important.
I'm not marrying Wendy.
[instrumental music]
Wendy?
You awake, honey?
Yeah, I was waiting up for you.
I knew you'd come.
Yeah.
I came over tonight..
...but I won't be
coming over anymore.
Why?
Remember when you asked me
to be your mommy?
Yeah.
I'd like that, sweetheart
more than anything in the world.
I really would, but I can't.
Why?
Because being your mommy
means being
your daddy's wife, too.
And I can't be that.
But I want you to be my mommy.
[sobbing]
Don't cry, baby. Don't cry.
[sighs]
Wendy...look at me.
'I can't be your mommy..'
'...but I can be
like a big sister to you.'
We can still go shopping
now and then.
And you can come over
to my house and visit anytime.
- I can?
- Yes, you can.
But I want you
to promise me something.
'What?'
Well, when other women come over
to visit your daddy
you'll be real nice to them.
'You'll be open
like you are with me'
'and you'll show them
what a nice grown-up girl'
'you really are. Okay?'
I'll-I'll try.
I love you, Wendy.
I love you, too.
[instrumental music]
That's Rex's owner.
We gotta think fast.
I don't think we should've tried
washing him in the first place.
Well, it was your idea. I mean,
free wash with every sit.
Okay, okay.
So I made a mistake, alright?
[knocking on door]
Listen, we're just gonna have
to tell him the truth.
Rex is gone and we lost him.
Hey, wait a minute.
How about if we gave him
one of the smaller dogs
and say that he shrunk
when we washed him?
Vincent,
he would never buy that.
- Hi, boys.
- Oh, hi.
Fellows, I came by
to tell you how sorry I am
'about what happened with Rex.
Afraid it was my fault.'
- It is?
- Mm-hmm.
You see, I should have told you
about the problem he has
with running away.
We can't keep
the old rascal anywhere.
'He just keeps
sniffing his way back home.'
- You mean, he isn't lost?
- 'Oh, goodness, no!'
He was sitting on the steps
when we got back.
Smart dog, you know?
'Well, I have to be on my way'
but thank you, boys.
Thanks a lot.
That's a relief.
Yeah, no more Rex
to worry about.
I'm afraid one more dog like Rex
and we're gonna have to quit
the sitting business.
I got news for you, Vincent.
I'm getting out now!
Maybe you're right.
- 'Nicholas!'
- What?
(Tom)
'I think I solved your problem!'
What problem?
'I found him
on somebody's front steps'
'on Elm Street.'
[barking]
Vincent, help!
Ah!
[theme music]
[music continues]
04x26 - A Little Triangle
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The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.